InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Regrets ❯ Find Your Way ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any characters related to him. That honor and privilege belongs to the talented Rumiko Takahashi. I am, however, the master of my own Fate and the keeper of my own Destiny. We should all be so fortunate.

A/N- Just a note to help alleviate any confusion. We are going to deal with Kagome in this chapter. I am not leaving Inuyasha hanging, but we need to deal with a few things before the story can move on. I'm sorry if this confuses anyone, but please bear with me. Patch

Regrets

Chapter Five-Find Your Way

Kagome knelt before the well and gazed sadly down into its dark depths, her chin resting on her folded arms. Oh, Inuyasha, I don't know how to go on without you. I don't know how I even managed before we met. I never felt more alive than when I was with you, even when you were yelling at me and calling me those awful names. I don't know if I can go on knowing that I'll never see you again. I just hope that you found what you were looking for when you found Kikyo. I hope that you're happy, wherever you are, she thought as she wept.

Kagome was so lost in her own thoughts that she never noticed the stranger beside her until she felt a hand stroking her hair. She stiffened as a kindly voice spoke. "Oh, you poor child; to feel such love and bear such heartache. Would it stop your tears if you knew that you could have him back? That he mourns your lose as you mourn his, and is even now fighting to return to your side?"

Kagome looked up, startled. Beside her, on the lip of the well, sat a cloaked and hooded figure who regarded her with her hands folded in her lap. The woman radiated a matronly presence and Kagome knew in her heart that she meant no harm. Still, all the time spent in Inuyasha's company had forced her to become a little wary of strangers that appear out of nowhere. "Who are you? How do you know what I'm crying over?" she asked a little suspiciously.

"I see that the half-breed has rubbed off on you," the entity said. She continued when she saw Kagome bristle at her reference to Inuyasha. "Do not be angry, child. It is, after all, what he is. I mean no offense. Now, to answer your questions; I am the Weaver, one of the three sisters that weave the Tapestry of Life. I believe that you Humans refer to us as Fate," she said. At least the young one had not acquired the half-breed's colorful language. She chuckled as Kagome regarded her with a disbelieving look. "I'm sure that you are wondering why Fate would take an interest in you and you're beloved, no."

Kagome started. She had just been wondering that very thing. There was nothing truly special about her relationship with Inuyasha. Not unless you counted that she would never have met him if she hadn't been pulled through the well. Never would have spent so much time with him, gotten to really know him and fallen in love with him, if she hadn't broken the Jewel in the first place. No, there was nothing special there, especially considering that the quest was over. The Jewel was complete, the evil vanquished…and their hearts broken. Well, at least hers was, he had Kikyo and was probably happier than Kagome ever could have made him.

She looked up when she heard the Weaver chuckle dryly. "Oh, child, how wrong you are! Your relationship with the half-breed is very special, indeed. You see, you were not meant to end up this way. Unfortunately, we do not see everything and Chaos tends to strike when we are distracted. And strike it did, allowing one who was to remain buried the freedom to walk again. I'm sure that you can guess when that was, can't you?" She looked at Kagome expectantly. The young girl thought for a moment and then her eyes widened as she realized what event the Weaver spoke of.

"When the witch recreated Kikyo from her bones and the soil from her grave? And Inuyasha called her name?" Kagome was a little confused when the Weaver nodded. "But what does that have to do with me? She was his love, I'm just the copy," she said sadly.

"It has everything to do with you, child. You are the reincarnation of the priestess that was destined to Heal the rift between Humans and Demons, with the help of a Half-Breed! Don't you see, if the priestess had not come back, you would have completed the task she was not strong enough to see through. We allowed her soul to come back in you and we made it possible for you to return to a time where that soul would be reunited with its bond mate. Your Destiny was all planned out, and it would have gone smoothly, too, if Inuyasha had listened instead of reacting."

"You cannot blame all of this on Inuyasha!" Kagome was angry now. How dare this woman try to say that Inuyasha caused all of this! Hadn't she just said that they were distracted and Chaos forced this issue!

"Calm yourself, child. We do not blame the Half-Breed entirely. He could have done things a little differently, yes, but that would have gone against his very nature. The forces of Chaos thrive on pain and confusion, something your love has in full measure. We understand that, now we must be sure that he understands. I have seen your Destiny, child, and it is a great one. But only if he is there," Fate said forcefully.

Kagome stared at the entity for a moment, a thoughtful look on her face. She was slowly starting to remember something a friend had told her about Fate and the Wyrd Sisters…what was it? Oh, yeah. Now I remember. The three sisters hold the power to shape a person's life in a single thread. The Spinner forms a thread from the ethereal mists, forming a new life. The Weaver then takes the thread and weaves the person into the Tapestry of Life, recording their entire life and everything they do. Finally, the thread passes to the Cutter, she who is also known as Lady Death. She cuts and knots the thread, ending the life. They would then begin again. Together they are the Spinner, the Weaver, and the Cutter-the Past, the Present, and the Future. They could see an entire lifetime at the moment of a soul's birth. They also decide whether a soul is reincarnated or fades back into the Mists. That must be why they're so interested in Inuyasha and me.

The Weaver nodded as Kagome pondered all of this. "Yes, child; we had decided that your soul was not done living. Unfortunately, it takes a bit to bring a soul back and by the time we were able to retrieve yours, it was too late to help Inuyasha. That is, until we interfered. You see, we sent Mistress Centipede and opened the well for you."

"Why?" she asked plaintively. "Why did you make me go through all of that; through all the danger, all the heartache and pain? Why did you let me fall in love with him and then take him away?!"

"It was your Destiny, but we did not take him away. You did that on your own," Fate said matter-of-factly.

"What do you mean; I did that on my own? I didn't close the well." Kagome was confused. "Did I?"

"Yes, child, you did. You see, when you came through the last time, your will was to keep Inuyasha from following you, so your power closed the well to him. If you had tried to return within a few days, the well would have worked. But we interfered again. We sealed the well until we were sure that you had both learned better. And that is why we are here now. To test your bond and, hopefully, reunite your souls." Fate smiled at Kagome kindly. "You two were not supposed to end this way."

Kagome was still a little suspicious. After all that she had seen, she still needed proof. She didn't think that this woman would lie to her, but she had been deceived before and past experience made her a little wary. The revelation that it was her power that closed the well did not set well within her and the tears again began to fall. Dammit, I am so tired of crying! But what else is there when your heart bleeds. No. I will not cry anymore. I will be strong and face the truths that this woman reveals to me. I will not completely trust her yet, but judge her by what she has to say.

The Weaver chuckled dryly. "I can see that some of your half-breed's suspicion has rubbed off on you. He desired proof as well, although he was a little less forgiving when he decided to listen." Kagome started a little at that. It surprised her that he didn't just try to kill the entity when she appeared before him. "He has greatly changed, child, and not for the better. To say that he is lost without you would be to understate things." Kagome's eyes again welled with tears. The thought of the once vibrate demon reduced to a shadow of his former glory only saddened her more; a thought that was made worse by knowing that she was the cause.

Fate let her wallow in self-pity for a moment before continuing briskly," But you asked for proof, and proof I shall provide. Look here, I will show you something that few Mortals have ever had the privilege to see."

The Weaver reached out and plucked something from the air in front of her. Kagome looked at it closely, curious. It appeared to be a bright blue thread that shone faintly in the dim well-house. "This is a thread from the Tapestry of Life. More importantly, this is your thread, child. You see before you the whole of your own existence thus far." Kagome marveled at what she was told. This was indeed a rare thing. "Now, young one, a threads color is determined be the aura of the person it represents and the people that are very close to them. Sometimes those threads will overlap and weave together. Now look at it very closely. Do you see anything odd about it?"

Kagome did as she was told and inspected the thread closely. "There are other threads wrapped around it, but one of them is wrapped very tight. Whose is it?"

Fate smiled and plucked another thread from the air, a silver one this time, the same silver thread that wrapped her own so very tightly. "This is Inuyasha's thread. Here," she pointed to a spot a good distance from where it met Kagome's, "is where he first heard of the Shikon Jewel. Here," she pointed to a spot further down, "is where he met Kikyo. And here," she indicated the spot where a red thread twined briefly around the silver, "is where he fell in love with her."

"Wait," Kagome interrupted. "Why does the red thread wind around twice and then disappear? Isn't that Kikyo's thread? Shouldn't it be tighter and for a greater distance?" Like until the end?

"Indeed, this thread is the priestess'. Because she did not fully accept him for who and what he is, and because she wished to change him for her own selfish reasons, their bond was easily broken. That is why they only twine briefly," the entity explained. "Now look here," she pointed to a section that was slightly duller than the rest. "This is where he slept pinned to the tree. And here," she pointed to the place where the thread shone again, "is where you came through the well and broke the spell that bound him. And, finally, here," she pointed to where the blue joined the silver, "is where he fell in love with you. I believe that he thought you had died at the hands of the Thunder Brothers," the Weaver said thoughtfully. With a rueful sigh she continued, "Shortly after this, Kikyo is resurrected and all of our carefully laid plans go rather merrily to Hell."

"But why; why would that one event cause all of these problems?" Kagome asked, still a bit confused. She could understand Inuyasha's confusion. To find a new love and then be confronted by the old one in that way would confuse anyone, especially someone as unsure of their feelings as Inuyasha; she had been there and seen it first hand. But how did that change things so drastically? Wait. If he hadn't called her name, my soul never would have left my body and entered hers, she never would have come back to life and Inuyasha never would have had to choose. How could I not see it? How could I have been so blind?

"Do not blame yourself, child. We actually meant for them to meet again. It was a test of the bond between you. What we did not mean to happen was for her to survive her fall," she told her angrily. "Had she not survived her fall from the cliff that day, we would not need to be doing this, but Chaos struck again and saved her. And, as I'm sure you know very well, that is where all the trouble started. I must admit, though, that we had some hope when Inuyasha refused to chase her after you healed her of Naraku's poison. And after the battle, we thought that Inuyasha had sorted himself out, but the Half-Breed was always hard-headed," Fate shook her head and gave a slight smile. "He didn't mean what he said to you at the well, child. It was just reaction. Your words hurt him, even as his hurt you. Inuyasha loves you as deeply as you love him, but we must be sure that you understand what you have put each other though. We must be sure that this will not happen again. You two must be strong for each other; otherwise you will not fulfill your Destiny."

"What Destiny? The Jewel is complete, Naraku's defeated, what other Destiny could we have?" Kagome asked her. This was the problem you ran across when dealing with Fate. They made the most cryptic references and then told you…

"I cannot tell you that. You must discover it on your own. But first, I must show you what your beloved Half-Breed has been doing with himself since you left and he was unable to follow." With that, the Weaver reached out and placed two fingers on Kagome's forehead and transported them back to the Feudal Era, to the day Kagome left. She watched herself jump into the well and disappear.

"Why are we back here?" Kagome demanded. "It's not like I don't know what he's going to do now. I'm sure he couldn't wait for me to leave so that he could go find his precious Kikyo."

"Oh, child, do you truly think so little of him? Do you have so little faith that he feels as strongly as you do? Perhaps I was wrong in thinking your faith in him absolute." The Weaver looked at her with a slightly disapproving expression. Her sister was right in one thing, at least. This child was indeed prone to snap judgments. They had stood her in good stead for the most part, but when it came to her half-breed, they were not always as accurate. "Watch, child. It may surprise you to see his reaction to your abandonment."

Kagome started a little when Fate referred to her leaving as "abandonment", but did as she was told. She watched as Inuyasha spun to face were she had been, on hearing her final words. She has never seen that particular expression on his face before, and she never wanted to see it again. It was a strange mixture of pain and loss, desperation and longing. She would have given much to go to him and wipe that look away, but something told her that she could not do that now. If I ever see him again, I swear that he will never have to feel that way ever again. He will never wear that expression again! They watched as he jumped into the well after her and landed with a rather loud Thud at the bottom. When he climbed out and they could see his face again, Kagome turned away, muffling her sob in her hand. She could no longer bear to see that terrible expression, made worse because he could not follow her.

"Please, Lady… Please, I can't bear to watch him like this," she said, a slight hitch in her voice from the sob she held in.

"But you must. We are not done here. Look. See what he does as night falls." Kagome noticed then that the sky had begun to darken. "He has spent all of this day staring into that well, as though he could bring you back through the sheer force of his will."

They watched as he turned and slowly made his way to the God Tree. As he jumped up into its branches, Kagome remembered the day they met. She wept as she compared the strong and sarcastic young man she had freed to the pain wracked and down trodden one before her. He looks as though someone beat him…or ripped his heart out. I guess someone did; I did this to him. How could I let it come to this?! All I ever wanted was for him to be happy. Was I really so blind to not see that he was trying to protect himself, protect his own heart, by pushing me from him. I should have realized. He kept his feelings so close for so long, had his heart stepped on by so many. Of course, the only way he knew to make sure it didn't happen again, was to push away anybody who got close to him…including, perhaps especially, me. Her tears fell faster as she thought; her heart wrenching as she listened to Inuyasha howl his loss and despair to the forest around him.

"Come, child. There is more that you must see." Fate reached out and once again placed her hand to Kagome's forehead. The scene altered only slightly. They were still within the confines of Inuyasha's Forest, but this was another clearing, another day. Before them stood Sesshoumaru, calm and poised for battle. Kagome followed the demon lord's gaze to the other side of the clearing and saw Inuyasha. He just stood and looked at his brother, a look of almost complete defeat on his face.

"I will not fight you, Sesshoumaru. If you've come for the sword, take it and go. It no longer matters to me; there's no one here for me to protect," Inuyasha stated, his voice low and tinged with sadness.

"You are even more pathetic and weak than I thought, Brother," Sesshomaru told him, contempt dripping from every word. "Your little Human leaves and you loose all the spirit you ever possessed. I will not lower myself to fight such a one. You waste my time." Sesshomaru turned and looked to his companions. "Come, Rin, Jaken. I can see that it was a waste to come here." With that, he disappeared into the forest.

Inuyasha watched him go. "If it would bring her back, I would have just given him what he wanted."

"Would you even at the cost of your own life?" Miroku asked as he emerged from behind the bush he had sought shelter in. "I know that you no longer think your life worth living, but there are others besides Lady Kagome that would feel your loss should you lose it. Do you really think that Shippo, Sango, and I would be happy if you left us?" Inuyasha just stared at him, expressionless. "We're your friends, idiot! We care what happens to you!"

"There is nothing without her, monk. Don't you fucking understand that?! I don't know how to go on without her!" Inuyasha turned away. "I'm going away for a few days. Don't follow me."

Kagome watched as he walked away. That sword means the world to him. Would he have really given it up just for me?

"Yes, child, he would have. He loves you more than life itself," Fate said as she took them back to the well house. "His ordeal is not over yet. What I have shown you took place only a few months after you left. There is still one task he must accomplish, but I will leave that telling to him. It is better that way."

"What task does he have left?" Kagome asked, wiping the tears from her face. "He almost looked like he didn't want to live anymore." She gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "He wouldn't…try to…take himself out of this world, would he?" she asked haltingly.

"No, he is too strong-willed for that, as you should well know," the Weaver said calmly. "No, the task he has left does not involve an attempted at his own demise. As I said, though, it is better if you hear about it from him. Now, Kagome, I will leave you for a while, to think about what I have shown you. Your love is still being tested by my sister. Be assured that you will see me again when she is finished." Kagome could only nod. She was already lost in thought. She looked up at the sound of a car horn on the street, and when she looked back, the entity was gone. Well, I guess it shouldn't surprise me that she would disappear as suddenly as she appeared. Kagome gazed into the well once more. Be well, Inuyasha. I love you. Then she turned away and walked back into her house.

She went up the stairs and into her room, closing the door behind her. Kagome took the chair from her desk and placed it by the window. She sat down and stared through the branches of the tree that Inuyasha used to use when he came to get her, deep in thought. There was a lot that she had not realized about her relationship with the young demon. Now that Fate had told her about their joined souls, she had a lot of thinking to do. It was going to be a long night.

A/N: Well, there it is; another chapter, finally. It's not as good as the others, but I kind of had some problems. It seems that I can get into Inuyasha's head better than Kagome's. Kind of scary, huh? Well, anyway, I hope you liked it. Let me know if you did…or if you didn't. Please review. It makes me feel warm and squishy.

Until we meet again,

Patch

Revised and edited-8/23/03

Hopefully the changes that I have made improved the story a little. It was brought to my attention that Kagome wasn't nearly as upset as Inuyasha. I hope that I have fixed that at least a little. Kagome still has a few things to find out; her test isn't quite over yet. That will be in the next chapter or so. I hope to have it out soon.

Patch

11/09/03

Oh, yeah, now for a little reviewer response. First, I'd like to thank Slywolf9 for your reviews. You've have been there for, like, every chapter and I really appreciate it. Priestess Miaka, Did you write all that or did you copy it…it looks like it took awhile. ^_^ To every one else, it's great to know that you all are enjoying the story so far, I hope that I continue to live up to your expectations.

Until next time,

Patch