InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Resurgence ❯ Preface: Relinquished Hope ( Chapter 16 )

“There are sacrifices that seem worthwhile and
there are sacrifices that you can't even figure out why you're doing it.
A wise man said that you can have everything in this world
if you sacrifice everything for it.
But what he meant was…“nothing comes without a price.”
So before you go into battle, you better decide how much you're willing to lose.
Too often, going after what feels good means letting go of what you know is right,
and letting someone in means abandoning the walls you've spent a lifetime building.
Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don't see coming,
when we don't have time to come up with a strategy to pick a side

or to measure the potential loss.
When that happens, when the battle chooses us and not the other way around,
that's when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear."

Blanket Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha or any of the characters therein. They are the property of Rumiko Takahashi, and she does a beautiful job!

Please forgive any spelling and grammatical errors. I try to catch them if I see them, but I could have missed some. So just tell me if you see any, and I will change them.

“Relinquished Hope” - Preface

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I had to keep asking myself why. Why the bastard? Why not me? Just why? It never made any sense when I went over it. I had always thought she loved me, but once I heard the pronouncement of the engagement, I just had to go to the formal announcement. I had to be masochistic.

She was there holding his arm. She looked just as beautiful as the last time I saw her - just as radiant, but there was also something off. Her eyes looked so lost - so foreign. Definitely not the eyes of the woman I had fallen in love with.

But as she looked over at me, I saw no signs of remorse from her. In fact, I saw nothing at all. It was as if I were staring at a shell.

I could not take anymore after that. I abruptly turned around and made my way noisily through the crowd.

I saw her father look skeptically at me, but I couldn't really give a shit. As soon as the doors opened, I ran. I had no destination in mind; I just went where my feet wanted to take me.

I found it somewhat ironic where I ended up, but it also made me sick. Everywhere I went…I was somehow reminded of her.

The marble bench and the little pond were exactly as I remembered. The colors were a bit different from the last time I was here, when I was her with her, but that really did not keep my attention.

I walked over to the little pond. There were bits of tiny green leaves in there from where they had fallen off the trees. Some of the gold fish and catfish swam around the shallow water.

I closed my eyes. My mind began to run over the first time we met. It was so bizarre when I look back at it now, but from there our relationship had grown.

I was so hateful to her back then. She never deserved that hate…but I wasn't sure I could say she didn't deserve it now.

I tightened my fist. My nails dug into my skin, but I didn't care. The small pain eased a bigger pain. When I felt the blood trickle between my fingers, I felt somewhat relieved. The tension that had been building - the hate that I had been hiding finally started to seep out…its color - blood red.

After a couple of minutes, I opened my fist. The blood was scattered around my palm, but I could distinctly see four red half moons from where I had broken my skin. To me, each one symbolized a different kind of heartbreak. The first one was for my father. I had never met him, but I still always wondered why he never wanted to meet me or want me as I so desperately wanted him. The second was for my mother. The mark was a little bit bigger then the last one. She had left more of an impression on my life then my father ever had…I never thought I could get over her.

Once I got to the third one, I automatically knew who it would be for, but the acknowledgement in no way receded the pain. The third one was for…Kagome. It was by for the biggest and deepest. She had torn me open. The wound was still so fresh. I didn't ever think I would completely heal. She was the first one who had made me want to hope about life. She was the first one to love me - accept me for who I was. There was never any barriers with her. That scar would be apparent for the rest of my life.

The last one was for myself. For all the shit I had to put up with. For all the people I was destined to love but now… never could. For all the people I had chosen to love, only to have them taken for me, and for the fact that I was now broken - never to be whole again.

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A/N: I hope everyone likes this first installment. This part of the Resurgence story is called “Relinquished Hope.” It is so much different from Kagome's side, and I hope that everyone will be able to see that.

Thanks for reading, and please review!