InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Seemingly Insignificant ❯ The Scorned Servant ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

5: The Scorned Servant

Power.

The world seemed to revolve around it: everyone, every thing killed, murdered, sacrificed to attain it. And yet… what is power, anyway? Was it even something tangible? What was the end result of it all? They say power corrupts… but I say the will to retain it corrupts even the purest of minds. Power by itself… what does it do?

I sighed and leaned against Ahn, gazing at the stars twinkling against the inky black of the midnight sky. There were no answers to my questions there; those who said that one could always depend upon the star patterns to give you the answers you needed were terribly mistaken. Maybe you had to go out into the world to find the answers. Maybe there was no answer.

Maybe the illusion of an elusive answer was what kept people going. Would I ever know which one of my theories were right?

I didn't know the answer to that, either.

“Jaken? Jaken! We're leaving!”

Rin's voice and the sudden disappearance of the comfortable animal-hide pillow that was Ahn's stomach brought me out of my philosophical meanderings - rather unceremoniously, if I might add. Hoisting myself to my feet, I saw the Lord Sesshoumaru was already walking off into the distance with Rin, on top of Ahn, following him in swift haste. Drat it all, why did Lord Sesshoumaru always have to be in such haste?

“Lord Sesshoumaru! Please wait for me!” I gasped, running after him on my short legs. People seemed to think that it was an easy life being Sesshoumaru's lackey - only a spectator of his great power, and a babysitter of the product of one of his rare moments of kindness, that was Rin. Well, I spit at them! Following around probably the most powerful and cold-hearted demon who could kill you anytime all your life is nothing but pure torture! If only Lord Sesshoumaru would show at least some acknowledgement of my loyalty, if only one word of kindness from his icy lips would reach my praise-starved ears…

But it was too much to hope for. To him, to Rin, and the rest of the world, I would always remain what I was destined to be - the scorned servant.

And yet…

Was it really my destiny?

I finally caught up with Lord Sesshoumaru. Walking at my self-assigned place beside Ahn, I lapsed into my thoughts once again. This need not have to be my destiny. Surely I deserved better? When Rin, a human girl of dubious origins received better treatment from Lord Sesshoumaru than I did - I, who was a descendant of a great line of frog demons… it was a fate that was truly despicable! A tragic thing that will forever remain a blemish in the annals of history!

I was obliged to serve him, thanks to the will to preserve the nobility and honour of the great race I belonged to. He had saved us, and I had had to return the favour somehow.

So I went with him, wherever he went. Sometimes I wondered what was the point of our endless journey, what was the meaning of Lord Sesshoumaru's unparalleled power. Obtaining power only seemed to induce one into getting more… where did it all stop?

A thing that had no beginning and no end… power was not even real. Power was just an imaginary invention of the disillusioned.

Naraku, Lord Sesshoumaru, Inu Yasha… they are all obsessed with a singular thing… a thing that doesn't even exist! Ha! Now who was the superior one here? Maybe I had more potential than I had thought… if I was serving Lord Sesshoumaru on an arbitrary pretext that he was more powerful than I, then I shouldn't let my life depend on such flimsy foundations anymore! It was a big world out there… I didn't have to confine myself.

Basking in this new realization, I smirked to myself. I just had to wait for the right opportunity…

The heat of noon was soon pricking our backs, and, as usual, I could hear Rin's stomach grumbling. Pathetic human. Can't hold her hunger back for two hours, while I could do so for three weeks. Now that was what I called true strength - the strength of will.

“Lord Sesshoumaru?” Rin said. “I'm hungry.”

I waited for Lord Sesshoumaru to say the words.

“Jaken. Go with Rin.”

I bowed. “Of course, my Lord.” Patting Ahn's behind with my staff, Rin and I set off for the nearby river. Lord Sesshoumaru was not coming with us. This was the perfect opportunity to test… no, prove my theory! Rin immediately took to the shallow waters, trying for a juicy catch. I watched her with narrowed eyes, my mind working furiously. Should I…?

Her fingers came out of the water faster than I thought they would, holding a struggling fat fish. “Look, Jaken,” she said, smiling brightly. “This would make a delicious meal for the two of us, don't you think?”

“Yes, Rin,” I said distractedly. Should I, or should I not?

I had to come to a conclusion. Indecision was a fatal flaw - I had learnt that much at least from my travels with Lord Sesshoumaru.

I would tell Rin of my plans. It would add to the dramatic effect, anyway. But of course I wouldn't disclose my true intents and destination… but wait. If I told her now, wouldn't Lord Sesshoumaru get here in time to smell me out and find me? Of course he would. I had to disclose it in a more discreet manner, perhaps…

“Rin, I have to… er… go now.”

“Go?” She looked up from her task of cleaning the fish. “Go where?”

Freedom. “I know of some very delicious… er… herbs nearby, and I think… it would, um, complement the fish very well.”

“Sure,” she said, with that usual smile of hers. Stupid girl. Didn't she know that demons hated herbs? “You want me to come with you?”

“No, there is no need for that,” I said hastily. “You just wait for me here. While you wait, you can even finish eating your share of the fish - if I'm late. In that case, I'll just save the herbs for until the next time we eat.”

She nodded. “You know, you're unusually nice today, Jaken.” I gulped. Was I? “But I always knew that you are a nice person on the inside, Jaken. It's about time that nice personality showed itself.” That beaming smile of hers was almost blinding. “I'll wait for you here.”

“Er… right.” Not wanting to risk further conversation, I turned around and quickly disappeared into the jungle bordering the riverbank. I walked for quite some distance, full of myself and my victory, before I stopped abruptly. I was out in the big bad world now - point one. Fine. Point two… what?

What did I do next?

When one started putting faith in oneself, it meant a whole lot of decision making, it seemed. I had always trusted Lord Sesshoumaru to tell me where to go, and what to do next. Even if the demon was disillusioned, he certainly knew how to take care of himself. I spoke aloud to myself:

“Maybe, maybe I shoooooood…!”

The last of my murmuring was punctuated by a scream, as my nose caught the scent of a demon moments before it attacked. Imitating the somersault move I had seen Lord Sesshoumaru execute gracefully so many times, I dodged the initial attack. It came to a crouch in front of me, acidic saliva dripping from its panting jaws, before it leaped again.

“You filthy creature!” I snorted derisively, holding up my staff in front of me. Fire erupted from the head and swallowed the demon, reducing it to nothingness. Smirking, I poked at the charred remains of the pathetic creature with my staff. “You were never any match for me…”

My nose suddenly twitched.

Oh, dear God!

The boughs of the trees all around me shook violently as my dead adversary's comrades jumped down, onto the forest floor. They surrounded me, every step tightening the circle - of death. My death.

I couldn't help it. “Lord Sesshoumaru!”

At the very moment the demons had leaped, and I had prepared myself for a sure death, a rough appendage twisted itself around my waist and hoisted me into the air, then onto a tree branch. Even in my completely aghast state of mind, I was able to register that the living, moving appendage was nothing but one of the hanging roots of the huge banyan tree I was sitting on. As I stared in amazement, the other hanging roots also came to life, batting the demons away. Soon, the mangy creatures gave up trying to evade the hard roots to get to me, and scampered away, limping and bleeding. Ha! Nothing more than what they deserved.

My attention then shifted onto the tree I was sitting on. It must be a demon tree, though I had no idea why it had saved my life. Oh, well. It wasn't really my concern, anyway, since in real life there was no meaning to anything, and knowing the reason would serve no real purpose to my odyssey…

“Jaken.”

I nearly fell off the bough before I realised that it was the tree demon speaking. But how did it know my name?

“Do not be surprised,” the demon continued in its deep, rumbling voice. “We trees always have a way of knowing things.”

“The wind,” I said, nodding. Of course - the breeze ruffling through the leaves of each tree moved them in a subtly different way, unnoticeable to the naked eye - much like the minute differences between each and every snowflake. They were speaking a silent language - their absolute unobtrusiveness, and the impossibility of telling a real tree apart from a demon, made tree demons the most effective network of spies ever.

Of course they would know about the great Lord of the Western Lands… and his faithful… formerly faithful servant.

Doubts began to creep within me. I wasn't betraying him, was I? Of course not. I had already served him too faithfully for too long, and the individual in me had to come out some time…

“That's right,” the tree said, interrupting my thoughts. “We use the wind. But tell me, Jaken: why have you left your master?”

I scowled. “And why would you want to know that?”

“Because I think you owe me, yes?”

Owe… yes, I owed it an answer for saving my life, I supposed. “It's personal,” I said, hedging around the sensitivity of the question. “Not that I had any fight with Lord Sesshoumaru; we just didn't agree on some matters, that's all.”

“Matters such as?” The tree sounded amused.

“Matters of depth, I assure you,” I said, still hedging, for I was not sure myself on how to answer the question. Was I doubting my own philosophy at such a crucial stage?

“Well, until you tell me them, I can wait, Jaken,” the tree said. “I have but all the time in the world.”

“And what makes you think that I will sit for that long on this branch as well?”

“Simple: because I can make you.”

And it was true: unbeknownst to me, a small branch had snaked around my ankles and shoulders, so that I couldn't escape, until the tree decided to let me go. I sighed. “Alright, I'll tell you: it was due to differences in our philosophies.”

“Philosophy?”

“Yes. I have realised that the great `power' he seeks - as does everyone in the unreal world - is illusory… it has no beginning, nor does it have any end. I don't want to base my life on such a flimsy foundation as a non-existent, theoretical entity…”

“I see,” the tree rumbled. “So, tell me, Jaken, what do you want to base your life upon?”

“On… on… on my strengths,” I said, trying to find the words to express my overwhelming sentiments. “I want my destiny to be definite; to be clear.”

“And is it clear now?”

Was it? I didn't know… since I had left Lord Sesshoumaru, nothing had been clear. I really had no idea what to do, how or when…

“Maybe it's not become so clear,” I admitted honestly. “But it will, soon, I'm sure of that.”

“How soon, Jaken? Do you know anything of that? Do you think you'll survive until you've realised it? Barely a few hours have passed since your departure, and your life has already been in danger of permanently leaving this world.”

That was true… drat it, why did the tree have to twist things so? “I have won my freedom,” I argued. “I might've not been paying much attention just now, but I will soon adapt to this kind of life, I'm sure. I control what I do - I control my destiny.”

“And yet you say that you haven't realised what your destiny is yet.” The tree's voice shook with amusement. “What I can conclude from your philosophy so far, is that you say you are in control of something, of which you have no idea. Isn't that as flimsy a foundation as those you say Lord Sesshoumaru bases his actions upon - perhaps even more?”

I faltered. “Maybe, but I - I -”

“Real power comes from knowing where your destiny lies and working towards it, Jaken,” the tree said, its voice much more serious now. “With Lord Sesshoumaru, you always knew what to do and where to go - you had a sense of security and purpose, because that is your destiny. You may be a scorned servant, Jaken, but you are one of the very few demons on this wasted land that Lord Sesshoumaru really value.”

My eyes grew wide, and my chest puffed out. Was I really?

“Greed and lust for power - it's a never ending, viscous circle, I agree, but it is very tangible, for it is what the world is based on today. What makes the difference is how you get it and what you use it for… for instance, both Naraku and Inu Yasha are after the Sacred Jewel… yet, one can't all the Sacred Jewel itself as entirely pure, or evil, just because someone with pure or evil intentions and purposes is after it. It is the same case with the power you speak of, though it is mostly generalising.”

That actually makes sense, I thought, impressed. The tree's monologue had very subtly brought out the flaws with my own theories. Even though I was with Lord Sesshoumaru, my individuality was not completely forsaken - but when I left him, I lost things greater than individuality - a sense of security, and purpose. Lord Sesshoumaru, too, required me in some ways, though he was not very good at expressing it.

“I thank you, tree,” I said sincerely. “Perhaps I should…”

“Rejoin Lord Sesshoumaru? Yes, that is very advisable - in fact, he is waiting for you outside this forest at this very moment.” With that, the branches released me, and jumped to the ground in a leap.

“Waiting for me?”

The tree laughed, its eerie, rumbling laughter echoing within the forest. “You really didn't underestimate Lord Sesshoumaru's perceptive abilities so much as to think that he couldn't follow your scent, did you?”

Huh? “Who are you, exactly, anyway? And how do you…?”

The breeze suddenly strengthened, pushing me away, whispering into my ear, “Go.” At the time, I realised that I didn't need to know why - I just had to do what I had to do, because it was my destiny.

Turning, I ran towards the outskirts of the forest, and soon burst out onto the path we had been following earlier that morning. As the tree had said, Lord Sesshoumaru was there, waiting for me, as was Rin, who was seated on Ahn.

“Jaken!” Rin greeted me, as soon as I came out of the woods. “Thank God you're safe. I was beginning to get worried.” Her eyes shifted to my empty hands. “You didn't find any herbs, did you?”

“No,” I said distractedly. I approached Lord Sesshoumaru and bowed deeply. “I apologise humbly for returning so late, my Lord, and I will accept any punishment you might choose to inflict on me.” With that, I shut my eyes tightly, waiting for the inevitable. However, instead of the cold blade of a sword against my head, I felt his claw-tipped hand. “You are forgiven, Jaken - and I don't like punishing people unnecessarily.”

I looked up in great surprise - just in time to catch a ghost of an amused smile hovering over his lips. Then he turned and started walking again.

My heart filled with elation, I scrambled to my feet, running after him. “I thank you a million times, Lord Sesshoumaru! You are indeed great, my Lord! Your generosity and magnanimity of character has no parallels in history! Lord -”

His voice interrupted me. “Jaken?”

“Yes, Lord Sesshoumaru?”

“Shut up.”

Oh, well.