InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sesshoumaru's Secret Life ❯ The Secret ( Chapter 1 )

Hello, I'm back again with an all new story. Thank you everyone who have read and reviewed my other stories and I hope you will enjoy this one just as well. I look forward to hearing from you.

This was a little “what if” so I hope no one gets too upset with what I have done with Sesshoumaru. Please enjoy!! Oh and I do not own anything or have any influence with the series or manga of Inuyasha (if only, if only)

 

Chapter 1: The Secret

 

It had started when the inu child had been born, the secret; that secret that would mold the tiny infant into the unfeeling, arrogant and sometimes cruel lord assassin of the western lands.

 

The mother looked at the small bundle in despair, a girl, no. She had been trying for years to give her mate, the Inu no Tashio a child. When she had finally become pregnant she had suffered through five miscarriages, all boys. Now the only pregnancy to come to term, the last she would ever be able to carry, was this worthless infant, a girl - one that would be unable to lead the western lands because of her sex. The woman was frantic, what if her mate found out. Perhaps he would go to another to give him the son he needed and hoped for, abandoning her. The female inu demoness decided then and there that this was not going to happen. This child, her child would be the future lord her mate desired.

 

“This child is a boy,” she stated firmly.

 

“My lady?” the midwife questioned, thinking the temperamental demoness had gone crazy.

 

The white haired woman stared daggers at the midwife. “If you value your life and the lives of everyone you hold dear, you will tell the Tashio he has a son, do I make myself understood.”

 

“Hai, my lady,” the woman quaked. She wrapped the bundle and took it to show her master his only child that would come from this union.

 

The inu lord was waiting outside the door of his mate's chambers when the quivering woman appeared. He looked down on the downy white hair of the infant, noticing the marks of royalty adorning the child's face. A crescent moon on its brow and twin magenta stripes on each cheek. Honey golden eyes looked up into his deeper yellow ones.

 

“Y-your s-s-son, my lord,” the midwife stuttered fearfully, bowing respectfully as she held out the infant hoping the lord would not ask her to totally remove the blanket the child was swaddled in.

 

The great dog demon put a finger out and gently caressed the soft cheek, smiling down at his new son. “Sesshoumaru, this child's name is Sesshoumaru, be sure his mother is told.” He tickled the child under the chin making Sesshoumaru giggle and then left. The midwife almost collapsed in relief. “Poor child,” she cooed. “I fear you are in for a hard life.” She carried the tiny bundle back into her lady's chambers to be fed.

 

The next day the midwife and all her family were gone. All in the village thought it odd that the whole clan would pick up and leave so quickly. In fact they had not, but the bodies would never be found. The lady Tashio made sure of that, this was one secret she was going to be sure that would be kept.

 

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“What are you, Sesshoumaru?” the tall lady asked the three year old with a note of disgust in her voice. In reality the child had been on this earth for thirty years, but demons having a longer life span aged at a much slower rate than humans. Approximately one year for every ten human ones.

 

“A boy, I'm a boy mother,” the small tot gave the usual answer, keeping her eyes glued to the ground.

 

“And what do boys not do?”

 

The small child began to sniff, “They don't play with dolls.”

 

The demoness held out her clawed hand and the little demon girl passed her the ragged doll she had found in the castle refuse pile. The mother glared down on the quietly sniffing inu a look of anger crossing her face. “Stop that this instant,” she yelled raising her hand over the child.

 

Sesshoumaru tried her best but a tear leaked out of her eye, immediately she was slapped hard across the head causing her to fall to her knees, her ears ringing.

 

“What else do boys not do?” the demoness demanded feeling absolutely no pity.

 

Sesshoumaru took a deep breath and swallowed, holding back other tears that wanted to flow and sat back on her haunches to look into the cruel eyes of her mother. “They don't cry.”

 

“Good boy,” the mother cooed. “Never show weakness, Sesshoumaru, remember that.”

 

“Hai, mother,” the child responded bowing her head.

 

The lady Tashio turned and left leaving Sesshoumaru to stare after her, anger rising up in the small chest. I'm not a boy, she thought but would not voice. Even though the future demon lord was only three she was quite bright and had known for some time that she was not male.

 

She remembered seeing some boys swimming naked and she knew she did not have what they did. Her curiosity had gotten the better of her and she had gone to the older boys and asked them what it was that was between their legs, wondering why she didn't have one as well. They had laughed at her and told her what the organ was.

 

“Only boys have this, it's our manhood. Shows we're better than stupid girls,” one of them had told her. They had tried to get her to come and swim with them thinking that she also was a boy as well but she refused. Mother always said that you never bathe with anyone else.

 

“Your body is dirty, Sesshoumaru. Others would be disgusted at the sight of it, always bathe alone.” That is what mother had said.

 

The small girl came to understand that what everyone had been telling her was a lie. She was not a boy. Spying on the women and young slave girls of the castle had confirmed it for her. She had what they had, she was a girl. Sesshoumaru could not fathom why her mother and everyone wanted her to behave as a boy. She hated playing with swords and wearing boy's clothes. She longed to wear the pretty kimono's the other ladies wore and do the things the other girls she saw did.

 

When Sesshoumaru was four her mother caught her dressing up in one of her kimono's and had beaten her almost senseless. Since that time the demon child wore the hakamas, yukatas, haoris and other items typical of the male wardrobe but she made sure to pick out the prettiest ones she could get away with wearing without instigating her mother's wrath. Most of her clothing had sakura blossoms somewhere in the design, her most favourite flower.

 

Sesshoumaru was glad their castle had such nice gardens. She would spend as much of her time as possible out there alone, away from mother. She loved all the flowers and would hide under trees and bushes happily making chains of them to put in her long white hair. She normally got in some kind of trouble because of it, returning with dirty knees and hands from crawling out from her hiding places. Father would laugh and say things like “that's boys for you” or “boys will be boys” and then ruff up her hair which only made her angry. She hated her hair to be messy.

 

Sesshoumaru was six when formal education started for her. As well as the normal scholastic subjects she was required to learn about the affairs of state, what was expected of a lord, the history of their clan and the geology and history of the lands her father owned and protected. She was also expected to learn marital arts and to use a sword. Strategy in battle was another skill she was required to master, the lord and lady of the castle wanting to mold the child into an effective future general and politician.

 

She absolutely hated it. She found it utterly boring and since she didn't want to hurt anybody, couldn't for the life of her understand why she had to learn to wield a sword. She did enjoy math, art and reading, those things appealed to her quick mind and artful imagination.

 

When she was seven, her tutors and senseis complained to the lady Tashio about Sesshoumaru's lack of interest and application in certain areas of his studies. The lady grew grave and went to find her `son'.

 

“Sesshoumaru,” the lady stated in her harsh voice when she found the child sitting on the porch reading.

 

The child jumped in surprise, so engrossed in the story she had been reading that she didn't notice her mother's approach. “Hai, mother,” she said bowing, tucking the romance novel into the sleeve of her haori.

 

“What are you?” she asked.

 

Sesshoumaru frowned, anger coming forward at being asked that stupid question yet again and before she could think better of it said, “A girl, I'm a girl.”

 

The reaction was quick and brutal. She felt burning claws slash across her cheek and then she was picked up and carried into the castle and down to the lower depths of the dungeon. It felt like her mother was almost flying she was moving so fast. The air gasped out of her as she hit the stone wall her furious mother threw her into. She felt a sharp pain in her arm as she heard a loud snap and then she was lying in a heap on the cold floor. Her mother was beside her in an instant grabbing her hair and pulling her head up so Sesshoumaru's round frightened eyes were looking into the hate-filled bronze eyes of her mother.

 

The enraged demoness was going to continue to beat the child but thought of a better idea. “Sesshoumaru, do you know why everyone must think you're a boy?” she asked coyly, removing her tight grip on the child's pale locks.

 

Sesshoumaru shook her head holding her broken arm trying not to cry, blood dripping from the wounds on her cheek.

 

“Because your father would not love you if you were a girl. He only wants a boy. So it is for your protection that he must think this. If he were to find out the truth, he would kill you.”

 

Sesshoumaru's eyes went large in shock. She loved and adored her father even if he did mess up her hair. He was always so kind to her and would play with her whenever he had some free time, which wasn't often enough in Sesshoumaru's mind. They always played boy games but the inu pup didn't mind as long as she was with her father, she would do anything. She began to whimper.

 

“Yes, he wants a boy to take his place as lord someday. Girls cannot do that so you would be useless to him. He only pays attention to you now because he does not know your filthy secret. Do you wish to disappoint him, Sesshoumaru? Make him a laughing stock because he has a worthless daughter instead of the son he deserves? Is that what you want?” her mother demanded, shaking the child.

 

“No, mother, no. I want father to love me, I want him to be proud of me,” the little girl sobbed.

 

“Stop crying,” her mother screamed.

 

Sesshoumaru tucked all her hurt and confusion down inside of her and calmed herself. Soon she was looking at her mother with uncaring, unfeeling eyes.

 

“That's better,” the mother smiled. “Now, what are you, Sesshoumaru?”

 

“A boy, I'm a boy,” the child answered listlessly.

 

“You would do well to remember that. Being a boy will make your father proud, it is the only way. Do not fail him, Sesshoumaru. Nothing short of perfection will do.”

 

“Yes mother.”

 

The lady turned and left the child sitting on the floor holding her healing arm. It hurt as the bone knit back together and her cheek was burning from her mother's poison, not allowing the wound to heal quickly. But what hurt most was the thought that she might garner her father's disapproval. I will try hard, father to be a good boy. I will make you proud of me, she vowed, not allowing her tears to fall.