InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Settle the Score ❯ Never ( Chapter 10 )

Author rantings :
Sorry it too so long, but I didn't have much time the last two weeks... The chapter is also a bit shorter than usually, but not that much. I dunno know how long the next chapter will take, I'm thinking of writing ahead a bit, to be able to correct some things that I might have to in the progress of writing.

Disclaimer :
Inuyasha and the whole idea behind it doesn't belong to me, this is just what my twisted mind is making of it.

Special thanks to :
Alandrem, for bothering with my messy writing once again. :) Believe me, before her correction this is one huge mess, I just keep writing "meant"; and "its" and "days" without apostrophes.

A light shines on me, I feel the sun rise, it's fire will banish my fear.
My dreadful, black dreams, no longer they'll scare me.

Until the night returnsNever

Inuyasha growled at the attacker, until he noticed it was only a very pale Shippou. "Are you stupid, brat? Don't wake me like that!" he muttered, not wanting to wake the rest. He sheathed Tetsusaiga again, trying to calm down his heartbeat. In a way he was glad that Shippou had scared him awake, he had had another nightmare.

Two in four nights, he hoped that they wouldn't return in the long run, the last few months he hadn't had any bad dreams. ´Actually the last fifty years,´ he thought with a twisted smirk. Who would have thought that the best therapy for nightmares is an arrow through the heart?

Inuyasha watched the fox child gradually relax. "Were you bored, or why couldn't you let me sleep?" he asked in an annoyed tone. He hoped that he didn't sound as tired as he felt, he hadn't slept for more than an hour non-stop, awaking every time someone of his group turned from one side to the other or flailed an arm around.

"No," Shippou defended himself, "I wanted to wake you because you had a nightmare."

Inuyasha gave the kid a curious glance. "And where would you know that from?" he asked guarded.

Shippou shuffled his feet, feeling uncomfortable. "You were whimpering."

"I was what?" Inuyasha asked, embarrassed.

Shippou just nodded, unable to look the hanyou in the eye. He hoped that Inuyasha wasn't angry with him for waking him up, he had only tried to help him. He also thought that he and the hanyou were already even, Inuyasha had surely scared him with the growl and the stunt he had pulled. One moment the hanyou was vast asleep and the next crouching in front of him, prepared to slit his throat again. ´It was only a nightmare!´ he reminded himself.

"Keh! You are hallucinating or something," Inuyasha exclaimed confidently after he thought it through, the kid had to be messing around with him. He never whimpered, he didn't make more than a grunt even in the most painful situations. "I don't whine, unlike a pup I know."

Shippou shrugged. The scene hadn't really helped to rebuild his trust in the hanyou, although he had to admit that at the moment he was more confused than anything. Inuyasha talked to him like always, and the fox child also fell back into old patterns and argued with the stubborn jerk. "You were! It's me who doesn't whine!"

"Keh! You do!" Inuyasha shot back.

Kagome opened her eyes. "What's going on?" she asked, still not fully awake.

"Kagome!" Shippou cried relieved. "Inuyasha was having ..." He was stopped when Inuyasha's fist connected with his head.

"Shut up, brat," the hanyou threatened.

Kagome sighed. ´Can't I have one peaceful night?´ Just one time she wanted to sleep without being awoken by Inuyasha, or Shippou, or an evil youkai. "Inuyasha, no fighting with Shippou!"

"We were training!" the hanyou grumbled, giving the fox a small push, careful that the young woman wouldn't see it.

"If that is your training I will stop it at once," Kagome told him.

Shippou was in a dilemma, Inuyasha was blackmailing him with the training, while Kagome would stop it if he didn't say something against Inuyasha. "That wasn't training, Kagome. I woke him up and he got angry that I didn't let him sleep," the fox told her, thinking that he was very sly to appease them both.

Kagome looked from one to the other, feeling that there was some undercurrent going on between the two. Shippou should have complained and told her to sit Inuyasha.

She saw that Sango and Miroku had also been awakened by the quarrel between the two demons, so she guessed that Inuyasha would soon order them to stand up. "Get up, you lazy mortals!" she heard him complain right on cue. "We are already behind schedule!"

After some more complaints on Inuyasha's part, they got up and went to the kitchen. Madoka was already up and served them breakfast. They ate in a relatively peaceful, yet somewhat uneasy atmosphere, pretending that everything was okay.

Seeing Inuyasha eating messy as usual also served to remind them that the hanyou was back to normal, and, after all, they had seen him more violently too, especially the times he had transformed. For everyone it was just a new concept that the hanyou hadn't backed down at all after one of Kagome's sits; just Shippou still tried to keep some distance.

"Madoka-sama," Miroku began after he had eaten enough, "we need supplies for the rest of our journey. Could you recommend someone?"

The woman explained where to go to the guys and sent them on their way, saying that carrying heavy things was man's work. Miroku gave in immediately, trying to impress Sango, and Inuyasha after a short discussion, not wanting to give the impression that he was too weak to carry around something and had to depend on Kagome.

After the two had left with Shippou - Inuyasha had implied that the fox could need some training for his muscles - Sango and Kagome helped Madoka cleaning the dishes. "That's a fine guy you have there, girl," the older woman told the youkai huntress. Sango blushed, sputtering, "There's nothing going on!"

Madoka giggled at the girl's distress. "There's nothing to be ashamed off," she told her with a smile. "The monk seems to be a nice man, refined, polite, and educated."

´Thievish, womanizing, lecherous, ...´ Sango added in her mind. She wondered how Miroku always managed to fool the people around him. On the other hand, Madoka wasn't that wrong. Miroku could be serious if he wanted to.

"You shouldn't wait too long, girl," Madoka continued, "maybe you won't find another nice guy like him again. He will not wait forever."

Sango felt her heart skip a beat. In a way she knew that Miroku was waiting for her, especially with how he had acted the last week, trying to be polite to her. She nodded, not knowing what else to say.

´At least Sango has a guy waiting for her...´ Kagome thought wistfully. With her and Inuyasha the positions were reversed, she was waiting for him.

Madoka noticed Kagome's expression. "Love sick?"

Kagome blushed but didn't deny.

"The demon?" the older woman inquired.

"He's only half demon!" Kagome clarified, not liking it when Inuyasha was done away as demon. "Yes, it's Inuyasha," she said, although she guessed that it had been obvious before. "But sometimes I'm not sure if he also is interested in me or knows what he wants."

"Well, I was a bit scared of him at first," Madoka admitted. "But don't worry, he will find out some day, nothing in the world can be more dense than a male," she told her with a smirk.

Kagome couldn't suppress a smile. "I guess so. Men!"

"Can't live with them, can't live without them," Madoka giggled.

The two had found a common enemy and continued to rant against men generally and some in particular, Sango cautiously joining them. After a while Madoka's husband came up as subject. "How is he usually?" Kagome asked carefully.

Madoka understood that Kagome was indicating at the bruise, which was still noticeable on her face. "Well, he is quite nice usually, especially for a rich man," she began, looking around to make sure that Toshiaki was not within hearing range. "He grew up with the other children of the village, so he isn't as spoilt as many other with rich parents. I was really lucky that I got a man like him as husband; he leaves me much freedom. I don't know what this ... monster had against that."

She didn't tell more, not wanting to discuss such private matters with almost strangers. "But now he's back to normal, thank goodness." She got up, telling them that she had some errands to do.

Left alone, Sango and Kagome began discussing their own relationships. "Inuyasha seemed really out of it yesterday," the youkai huntress began.

Kagome nodded. "I haven't seem him so aggressive before, at least not unless his youkai blood took over. Well, he was at the brink of transforming when Eiji came out of his hut, but it wasn't his youkai side behind all the hate. I wonder if his hate was stronger than the sealing spell of Tetsusaiga," she told Sango her thoughts. They had been roaming in her head since last night, and she was glad that she finally able to share them with someone.

Sango thought about that. "I think you are right," she agreed with Kagome. "Before Eiji came out of his hut, Inuyasha was completely normal, at least in his physique. I still wonder what happened between the two, to anger Inuyasha that much."

Kagome shrugged. "Well, he seemed much more self-confident to me, also when he hugged me," she told her friend with a smile. "Although it seemed two different kinds of self-confidence to me. Unlike before, it was more straight-forward than arrogant. I sometimes wonder how much influence his youkai blood has on him, even when he isn't transformed. After all, he's only half human..." she trailed off.

"But enough of me. What are you planning with Miroku?" she asked her friend curiously.

Sango blushed and stared to the floor. Unlike Kagome, she wasn't that comfortable talking about her own relationships. "I don't know. I really don't," she admitted a bit reluctantly. "With Naraku out there, I'm not sure if I have the time and safety to begin something serious."

Kagome patted her friend on the back. "Don't let Naraku dictate your life."

Sango nodded, lost in her own thoughts. She really wasn't sure.

On the way to the merchant Miroku questioned the hanyou once again about what had happened with Eiji, but Inuyasha kept quiet. He tried for some time, hoping that Inuyasha would let something slip, but the hanyou didn't drop his guard.

They finally arrived and bought the supplies, actually quite a lot because there was only one other village on their way to Kaede's, so they would have to make it on their own the next five days, though Inuyasha wouldn't compete for this food. He already planned ahead how often he would have to hunt, to provide for himself and maybe also Kagome.

Miroku used a moment the merchant was distracted by Inuyasha to steal two sake cups. If he wanted to share sake with Sango, drinking from something else or even the jug itself wouldn't do. Once again, he was glad that he had gained some skill in obtaining items without having to pay for them.

After they had given the merchant his money, at least for the supplies, they carried them back. Inuyasha started to complain. "Dammit, I'm not her pack horse!" he said, giving the rice sack under his arm a glare.

Shippou was too out of breath from carrying one himself, so didn't complain about Inuyasha's complaints. Miroku, on the other hand, tried to look unfazed from all the vegetables he was carrying, so he spoke as evenly as he could. "Do you think Kagome should carry this heavy sack of rice?"

Inuyasha grumbled something about weak mortals and human wenches, but didn't object. Shippou made a small smile, relaxing a bit around the hanyou. Inuyasha was acting like usually again, like before the chaos of the last days had started. Shippou also thought about the good events in the last days, the top being having caught a short glimpse of the hanyou's hug, and now he was quite optimistic that the two were getting somewhere.

"So, how do you think is it going between Sango and me?" Miroku asked, trying to use the time the girls were out of the way. "She let me put an arm around her two days ago at the village..." he drifted off with a smile.

"Really?" Shippou asked curiously, ignoring that he was wasting precious air. "Did you follow my advise? And why didn't you tell sooner?"

Miroku came back to reality. "Yes, your advise worked wonders. Arigatou, Shippou," he thanked the kid, ruffling his hair. Who would have thought that Sango would be that affected, only because he didn't ask a few women to bear his child? "If you hadn't been so rough on Kagome," he accused Inuyasha, "I would have told you all that sooner."

"Keh! I was not rough! I hugged her yesterday!" Inuyasha realized what he had said. "I mean, I gave her a friendly hug."

The monk raised an eyebrow at the hanyou. "And what about holding her hand?"

"I was not rough!" the hanyou insisted, deliberately misunderstanding the monk, looking away.

"Baka," Miroku muttered. "I mean the whole scene didn't look just ... friendly," he told the hanyou with a smirk. He would have elbowed the hanyou, had he not been carrying their supplies. "I hope I didn't interrupt you."

"Yes, you did!" the hanyou complained. "But not in what you are thinking!" he added when he saw the monk's expression.

"What do you think about giving both of us some time with our girls?" Miroku asked. If the hanyou kept rushing them like that, his cute youkai huntress would always be much too tired for him to hit on her. The time he had put his arm around Sango had only been possible because the impatient dog demon had overslept.

"Keh! There's no time for that," Inuyasha declined. "We have to hurry to reach Kaede in time!"

"Come on, just an hour more or less won't hurt," Miroku bargained. He showed them the sake he had stolen in the village. "I have been carrying this jug of sake with me for days, and I almost broke it while fighting with the tengu. So before breaking it in the next fight, I'd like to drink with Sango."

Inuyasha gave him a curious look. "Where did you get it from?"

"I acquired it during our stay in the mining village," Miroku answered slickly.

Inuyasha nodded, while Shippou made an understanding face. "Stolen," they said in unison.

Miroku sighed, would he always be accused? Not that it wasn't true, but it wasn't a matter of course that he had stolen the sake. "You should be glad I try to make a deal for some time with Sango. It's not like I have to listen to you!" he told the hanyou. He actually was doing it for Inuyasha, to force the hanyou to spend some time with Kagome. Only a tiny bit for himself.

"Fine! If we are making good way today, you can have some time with Sango tomorrow," Inuyasha offered. He was really uncomfortable when his human time came up, and he wanted to be prepared for once. His chances were simply the best at Kaede's village, the old woman wasn't too weak, and he could also send Kagome down the well should something bad happen.

Miroku nodded. ´Another day wasted...´ Well, the next day he would take his time by force if need be, this was the last time he was put off. He saw that Toshiaki's house was coming into sight, silently glad that he wouldn't have to carry his burden until he began to sweat.

Shippou was glad too, because he was sweating and didn't think that he could carry the sack of rice much further. They entered the house, finding the girls chatting happily. Kagome was just about to explain that a necklace wasn't a hindrance in battle, but Sango doubted that it also could charm the enemy and had the impression that Kagome just wanted to convince her. She admitted she could try one, and Kagome promised her she would buy her a nice one in the future.

The three guys kept standing in the door, just Shippou let go of his burden and tried to get rid of the red color of his head. "Oi," the hanyou said finally.

"Oh, hi!" Kagome replied happily. "Wasn't that too heavy for Shippou?"

Inuyasha grinned. "He managed to carry it, didn't he? So the only thing it could be is too light."

´Too light?´ Shippou echoed silently, not able to bring out a word. He was about to drop dead from exhaustion!

"So, were you doing something useful too?" Inuyasha asked the girls tactlessly. "Or were you just laughing around all the time?"

After the girls assured him that they had helped Madoka, he was pacified. They prepared themselves for departure, Kirara agreed to carry the supplies. Inuyasha was too stubborn to help the cat youkai, saying that he wouldn't help if the others didn't too, and pointing out that he was much stronger than the rest of them didn't retune him. He looked rather grumpy and it seemed like it would be one of his, even more, stubborn days.

They said good bye to Toshiaki and Madoka, the two were quite surprised seeing Kirara in her greater form, carrying a lot of weight. After being thanked again for having helped them with the tengu, they left the village, Inuyasha behind the rest.

Shippou hopped onto Kagome's shoulder. "Inuyasha was having a nightmare, that's why I woke him today," he muttered into her ear as silently as he could, hoping that the hanyou wouldn't hear him. He still wasn't sure what he should think of Inuyasha after the last day's events. He thought that Kagome would have the best chances to get something out of the secretive hanyou.

Kagome nodded, thankful for the hint. She looked behind her, seeing Inuyasha had turned around, looking at the village, and had fallen behind some way. "I think I'll talk to him, we haven't really had time since yesterday."

Shippou nodded, jumping off her shoulder. "But don't ask him straightforward, or he'll guess I told you," he said, still with a low voice. Nobody knew for sure how well Inuyasha could really hear, but definitely a lot better than he himself.

Kagome watched Shippou catching up on Sango and Miroku. She would have liked to grant her friends some private time, but talking to Inuyasha was more important. She turned around and walked back to him, reaching him after a minute. He had a far away look on his face, staring back at the village. "Everything okay?" she asked him.

Inuyasha nodded, turning around, and walked after his friends. After a few steps, he stopped and looked back. "You coming?" he invited Kagome to join him. She quickly went after him, then they continued on their way together.

"I'm not really sure..." Inuyasha finally answered Kagome's question. He had dreamed about his home village again, just that this time the dream had been more like the real events. It hadn't done anything to sooth his guilty feelings. "I don't know if I have done the right thing."

Kagome smiled at him. "You have," she told him confidently. "You shouldn't kill, at least not as long you can help it." She had also thought about the two slavers last night, coming to a conclusion. "You know, the two guys were different. You also did it to prevent them from kidnapping more innocents, but killing Eiji would have just been for revenge. Even if the old man was once a threat, he no longer is."

Inuyasha thought about that. At least she had forgiven him for killing the two humans. But what about the last day's events? "You know, I'm ... sorry for yesterday," he brought out, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

Kagome's smile didn't waver, this time being quite sure that he didn't mean the hug. "In the end it turned out fine, didn't it?"

Inuyasha looked at her unbelieving. How stupid could she be? "I was a hair's breadth away from attacking your friends! If you hadn't been there, I wouldn't have stopped for Miroku," he admitted.

Kagome looked towards the monk uneasily. Inuyasha would have gone against Miroku? "You would have hurt us?"

Inuyasha was silent for a while, thinking about Kagome's question. ´Would I have hurt them?´ Surprised, he realized that he wouldn't have done that, even as he had been back then. "No, I wouldn't," he said finally. "I won't." It was more a promise to himself.

That was enough for Kagome. "That's the only thing that is important, that you wouldn't hurt us," she told the hanyou.

Inuyasha fell back into his thoughts. Would he be able to keep his promise? When he transformed, he wasn't himself. He didn't even remember some of the events, like slaughtering the villagers, or the ends of his fights with Sesshoumaru, when the transformations had lasted too long, letting him lose his mind completely.

What he did remember, was more like through a haze. He had told Kagome to stay away after killing Goshinki, still having some of his conscioussness left. What would he have done to her if she hadn't used the prayer beads? He also had them because he couldn't be trusted.

In that light, his friends had no other choice but collar him. He was more of a freak than he had realized, able to jump his own friends any moment. He could try as hard as he wanted to, he would never be able to control the beast within. Tetsusaiga was able to, but not he himself.

Maybe that was why he had the feeling he should stay away, because it could very likely be himself who tore his claws into Kagome... He bristled at the thought, pushing it away. He also thought that he had never really attacked his friends when he had stayed transformed long enough to let his youkai side take control completely, so maybe that was a good sign. Maybe even his youkai side recognized them?

"Inuyasha, what's wrong?" Kagome asked. The hanyou had fallen silent, instead of the arrogant reassurance she had expected.

"Nothing. I just didn't sleep well this night," he distracted Kagome and himself.

"Did you have a nightmare?" she asked innocently. Inuyasha eyed her suspiciously, and she tried to look as concerned and unknowing as she could.

He looked forward to Shippou after eyeing Kagome. "Keh!" The fox had told her something? If the brat kept spilling lies of him whimpering, he would give him a piece of his mind. "Do you think that I have none?" he defended himself.

Kagome would have laughed if the hanyou wouldn't have been offended by that. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody has a nightmare once in a while." It was just like Inuyasha to act like he had to cover up a weakness.

"I'm not ashamed!" he clarified. "I'm not afraid of a stupid nightmare."

"What was it about?" Kagome asked, trying to sound interested and understanding. "It always helped me to talk about my nightmares, so I'll listen if you want to tell me." She guessed it had to do with Eiji, but nightmares were something incalculable, so it could be anything. She remembered hearing that nightmares often were symbolical, and it was hard, if not impossible to completely decipher them.

"Nothing important. Just 'bout Haha-ue," Inuyasha said gruffly, trying to sound unconcerned.

Kagome suddenly got an idea from Inuyasha's answer. "Eiji was talking about your mother!"

"Keh!" Inuyasha tried hard to keep his distress from showing on his face. ´Dammit,´ he thought, ´the girl is too observant for her own good.´ He tried to think of an excuse. "He wasn't!" he snorted, not coming up with anything.

"He was! Admit it!" Kagome said, thinking she had solved the riddle.

"I don't have to admit anything," Inuyasha said, folding his hands in front of him. "And he wasn't talking about her!"

Kagome eyed him critically. "You're denying it too much," she told him earnestly.

"Think what you want," Inuyasha said, looking ahead, his arms still crossed. There was an uneasy silence afterwards, and he was sorry that he had been so rude. But he didn't know what else to do to keep Kagome from realizing she had found out the truth.

Kagome didn't question him further. She still was quite sure that everything had been about Inuyasha's mother, the puzzle pieces were just fitting together too well. It was about something before Kikyou pinned Inuyasha to the Goshinboku, so his mother would have been alive the questionable time. She also didn't really think that Inuyasha had had a girlfriend before Kikyou, or a whore for that matter, so until the hanyou gave her a better explanation, she considered this riddle solved.

But it was also clear to her that this was a difficult subject for him, and that he needed some time to adjust. If Eiji had really tried to kill Inuyasha's mother, she could understand that the hanyou held a grudge against him.

With that she realized that the incident had to have happened in Inuyasha's early childhood, or he would have no memory of it, as he didn't know what had happened to his mother. What had he had to undergo as child?

She looked at him, seeing that he still was crossing his arms, in her eyes a clear sign that he felt uneasy, even if he didn't show any distress otherwise. This little gesture often gave him away; he only did it if he felt either cocky or uneasy.

She thought of something else to talk, the fox kid coming to her mind. "How is Shippou's training going?" she asked Inuyasha, seeing he relaxed because he uncrossed his arms and also got a more thoughtful look.

"The kid is a fast learner," he told her, sounding even a bit proud. "Of course he has a good teacher," he added, his usual confidence back. He suddenly had the idea of forcing the brat to calling him Inuyasha-sensei. ´Sounds good...´

Kagome saw a cocky grin growing on his face, what was he plotting now? "What are you teaching him?"

Inuyasha found back to reality. "Until now I was showing him how to use his claws." He demonstrated a swipe before continuing, "I'm not really sure what else I should learn him."

"What about the trick you did with Miroku?" she asked, finding it a good opportunity to learn more on that account.

The arms almost went back into crossed position, but he caught himself this time. "That's hard to explain..." he began. He didn't even understand it himself, beside Kagome looking disgusted when he had used his style on the centipede, the only reason was he just hated to fall back to ... that. It was a knowledge; a skill engrained in his memory, but he didn't even know when and how he had learned.

"I think I have learned a bit during my later childhood, but I don't have any memory what exactly," he said, trying to keep the defeat out of his voice.

"Really?" Kagome asked curiously. She didn't have the slightest knowledge of dealing with memory losses, so she just tried to be as careful as possible. "Do you think you can teach Shippou a bit?" she asked, using the fox as excuse to learn more.

Inuyasha bristled at her question, looking almost panicked. "No way!" He steadied himself. "It's not like you can teach a fighting style just by knowing a few tricks by heart."

Kagome was surprised by his reaction. Why didn't he use his 'tricks' in the first place? "Sango thinks you seemed to know what you were doing," she informed Inuyasha.

He felt uncomfortable, subconsciously quickening his pace. "I have never really tried out."

"Why?" she asked, not able to think of a reason why he would ignore a martial art, as he had called it himself.

"I don't like it," he said, crossing his arms again.

Kagome almost tripped. He didn't like it? She remembered how enthralled he had been after he had completely learned the Kaze no Kizu, playing around with the sword like it had been a toy, splitting whole hillsides with it. Here he had something different that made him stronger, but ... "You don't like it?"

"Don't like it," Inuyasha said again, sounding like he had made up his mind.

"And ... why?" she asked completely dumbfound.

"I just don't!" he stated, looking away.

Inuyasha had been walking so quick in the end that they had caught up to Miroku and Sango. Kirara was carrying the supplies, while Shippou was sitting on the monk's shoulder, ignoring the slight pushes he received, indicating him to bug off.

Inuyasha continued his fast pace, again taking the position at the head of the group, leaving Kagome behind with the rest of his friends. He was quite tired because of the uneasy night in the small room, and had been easy prey for Kagome's questions. He still was quite confused by the last day's events, especially after his nightmare. He tried to sort out his thoughts, but the murmuring behind him kept distracting him. After a while he had enough, turning around he announced, "I'll be off hunting." With that, he vanished into the woods.

After Inuyasha had gone off hunting, Kagome used the time to fill in her friends about the new discoveries she had made. They were reassured when she told them that Inuyasha didn't want to hurt them. They started to discuss to what extent his behavior had been threatening gestures; Sango explained that they were usual for inu youkai when dealing with comrades and even family, while Miroku said that he hadn't perceived the hanyou's aggressiveness just as bluff.

Then Kagome told them about her suspicion that the reason for the whole quarrel had been Inuyasha's mother. She didn't mention the nightmare, thinking that this was a matter Inuyasha wouldn't want publicly discussed. Well, he wouldn't want them to discuss about his mother either, but the nightmare wasn't relevant.

Both Sango and Miroku thought this a very likely possibility. A direct threat to a relative's life was something that had even led to fully waged wars, so especially in Sango's opinion Inuyasha wouldn't have been overreacting. After all, she was after Naraku for the same reason, to avenge her family and rescue her brother.

Miroku put a comforting arm around her shoulder, sensing her distress at the topic. His youkai huntress gave him an appreciating nod, accepting his gesture. He hoped that her forefathers wouldn't be upset with him for using them for hitting on Sango. After all, it was also for her peace of mind, and he had to admit that he didn't like seeing her in low spirits.

Shippou had kept quiet, still not convinced that Inuyasha wouldn't have hurt him. He had also been punched off the shoulder, although that hadn't been anything new. Thinking back, he was surprised with himself for messing with Inuyasha, when everything in him had screamed for leaving the hanyou alone.

At least he felt much more comfortable than last evening, seeing Inuyasha acting as usually had helped a great deal in making him at least not feel threatened in Inuyasha's presence, but he still was uneasy around him. But if Kagome's theory was true, he could understand Inuyasha; when he had lost both his parents, everything he had been able to think about was finding a way to avenge them.

When Kagome started to tell them that Inuyasha admitted he knew a martial art but didn't like to use it, they started guessing again. The ideas ranged from down-to-earth like the hanyou just knowing basics, to far-fetched like Miroku's flash of genius that Inuyasha had a gastric ulcer that hurt him. His idea that Inuyasha had back pains from being sat too often wasn't better either, at least in Kagome's opinion.

Kagome sat at the dying down fire. They had been walking all day again; strangely this time it had been Miroku who had kept pushing them. Both she and Sango had been surprised, usually the monk was a rather lazy traveler, preferring the comfortable pace he was able to keep up for hours even uphill.

Inuyasha had returned after a while with a young hare. He had divided it in three even parts when they had been eating at the fire, sharing with her and Shippou. He had made a rather distracted look to her, keeping her wondering what he was thinking of.

She actually was the last one awake. Miroku had gone to sleep really early, meaning that they had to rush to reach Kaede's village. Sango had opposed they should be able to reach it in time, but had settled for sleep too, Kirara next to her. Shippou had crawled into her sleeping bag, and Inuyasha was sitting up a tree, like usual.

She could never be sure if he was sleeping or not, like with many other things the hanyou liked playing it very close to his chest. She got up and settled herself for sleep next to Shippou, trying to find a comfortable position.

Sighing she realized that Inuyasha had been more closed off again, beside their talk when they had left the village he hadn't spoken much with her, while she had hoped for something following the hug. Maybe she should stop digging up his past, most of the times he became uncomfortable from it. ´It might be better to give him a short pause, so he can concentrate on the present.´

She shifted around to find a more comfortable position. Shippou grumbled beside her, but luckily didn't wake up. She looked up to Inuyasha again, he had his eyes closed, or she would have seen the slight glow. It sometimes made her shiver when she saw him sitting up a tree at night, only his glowing eyes visible, fixed on something in the distance, although she wasn't sure the shivers were unpleasant. In a way he looked hot and attractive, although outlandish and dangerous; she had sometimes daydreamed what it would be like to wake up in the night only seeing this stare fixed on her...

Five meters above her, Inuyasha was still waiting for sleep. He had tried to follow Miroku's advice of going to sleep early, but it had evaded him, most likely because the object of his thoughts had decided to stay up longer than the rest. Because of her he had to keep his eyes closed, although his ears and nose still provided him with enough information about his surroundings. ´Stupid mortal,´ he thought, ´tomorrow she'll be tired again.´

Maybe that wouldn't be too bad, she had been very perceptive finding out about his mother, and a bit weariness might stop her. He had given away much this day, even on more than one subject. He had admitted he had a nightmare, Kagome making the connection between Haha-ue and Eiji, and finally even told her of his queasy feelings. He must have sounded like an idiot, telling her that he liked it better to be weak.

´Weak...´

His whole life had been a struggle for more power. He had thought that, with more power, he wouldn't have to depend on anybody. It had been a bitter lesson, finding out that people shunned him even more because of his strength. It had been the same the last day, even his own friends had feared him, Shippou still was uneasy around him. He had waited the whole evening for the fox to ask for training, for naught.

He hoped that the child wouldn't stay like this. It had looked very promising in the beginning, and he had actually liked teaching the child what he knew. Even if he would possibly be giving away knowledge he shouldn't, especially when pointing out weaknesses, it didn't disturb him.

In a way he was getting careless. A part of his mind kept yelling that he was exposing weaknesses of his, not only to Shippou, also to the rest of his friends. This voice was getting weaker every day, and with every day he relaxed more around them.

But he was relaxing too much, to the extent of carelessness. ´If I continue like that, it's more like I want to be found out,´ he scolded himself. Telling her that he dreamt of his mother... By now the others knew most likely, too, and if he continued to act so thoughtlessly she would soon find out about the village. He had told her about his memory loss, but he didn't plan to fill her in on more.

Kagome had finally fallen asleep; her even breathing told him as much. He opened his eyes, letting them drift about the surroundings. None of his senses told him of any danger, but he still had a qualm feeling, and he had learned to listen to them. He gave off a warning growl before settling himself for sleep, although he was quite sure that no one would hear it, it could do no harm.

Inuyasha was standing in the darkness. He couldn't see anything; he couldn't even feel any ground he would have had to stand on. He was just floating there, in the black, timeless void.

Suddenly he could make out something amidst the nothingness. He looked away and in, to make sure he wasn't imagining things, but there definitely was something.

He started to walk, feeling that it would bring him closer even if his feet weren't touching ground. He could make out that it was a person, and quickened his steps. He finally saw that it was his mother, waiting there for him.

"Haha-ue," he greeted her, glad that he wasn't alone in the void.

"My son, Inuya..." the rest was cut off when suddenly a thin red line appeared on her throat, vast amounts of blood, her blood, streaming out. Inuyasha could only watch in terror as she collapsed, gripping her neck, lying there on nothing.

He could see a pool of blood was forming itself, getting bigger and bigger, finally reaching his feet. The blood started to creep up his feet, it had an unnervingly warm temperature, and the smell was making him retch. He was about to cry out in horror when

He woke up. Looking around he saw that it was still night, from the position of the moon he knew that it was still much time till sunrise, the waning moon also reminded him that there were only four days left till his human night. Although he didn't think he had made any noise, he checked if he had awoken any of his friends, but they were all sound asleep.

This was the first time he had dreamt of his mother dying. His other dreams about her, like the one the day before, had in a way always been about the happenings in the village, he guessed he was more shaken than he wanted to admit. It left him wondering again, what had really happened to his mother, or to himself for that matter. He had managed to protect her from Eiji, but what had happened after that? Had he failed, like with Kikyou?

He would have liked to leave his position and rove about in the forest, but he would leave his friends defenseless. He looked down at Kagome, seeing her peaceful face as she slept. He would never be able to forgive himself if he came back to find them dead. To find her dead.

He had wasted a good amount of the time he had been off hunting for thinking about Kagome's safety. After recalling the events at his home village and comparing them to more recent ones, he could understand why he shouldn't be near Kagome. Everyone around him died.

Most times, he was able to prevent it, but he had failed with Kikyou. He hadn't protected her, and because of him, she had dropped her guard, or Naraku would have never been able to come near enough to kill her. Would he have been able to save his mother if it had been his human night? What if Shippou's father hadn't shielded Kagome against Hiten? He was dangerous for the people around him, just by staying near them he put them in the danger of death, again and again.

But, against logic, he still didn't want to let go. Was it asked too much if he wanted a bit luck in his life? In a way he envied mortals, able to live their lives in peace. All he had ever known had been solitude and strife, until he found Kikyou and finally Kagome, and with her the rest of his group. Was it asking too much if he wanted to keep his friends? He knew he was being selfish again, just like with Kikyou, but he simply ignored it. He just would have to be on his guard this time.

Inuyasha wondered if there would ever be a time when he didn't have to be on his guard. He hardly ever relaxed; he couldn't relax. He never completely ignored the world like the last day at the river, and even that could hardly be called relaxing.

Also, the nightmares seemed to be back, three in not even a week. He hoped it was just because of the disturbing events of the last days. With thirteen, he had had quite a lot of nightmares, almost all of them about the fucking asshole he didn't even remember a name about, and about his mother and the fire and the village. They had frightened him back then, when he had still lived alone. The fear they had left him in had been completely irrational, but logic hadn't been able to help him back then. He had never liked to use fire, but he had accepted it in his cave to scare the shadows away.

He was older now, and he was no longer alone. He was over his old fears, and with Kagome and the hunt for the Shikon no Tama he had enough on his mind without having to worry about stupid nightmares. When he thought back now, he almost had to laugh at himself. Sitting in the corner when the fire died down, watching the entrance the whole night...

Kagome turned around under him, although the waning moon didn't provide much light, Inuyasha could still see her well enough. He would watch over her, like he had done until now. He guessed it was the best he could do, it was to late to leave her anyway, he didn't think she could survive the hunt for her jewel without him. Despite her recklessness, he had managed to keep her from getting seriously hurt, he had done better this time. He wouldn't fail with Kagome. He wouldn't fail her.

That's it, folks! This chapter didn't was mostly an aftermath of the Eiji incident and a transition to the next chapters. I'll be as quick as I can with the next one.

The song's from Angel Dust again, I don't have that many groups with music fitting for such chapters... :)

I'm not entirely sure how the "Kagome being more thoughtful sitting Inuyasha"-thing will turn out, although I have something on my mind. I hope both of them made some sense last chapters, Kagome not sitting him and he being really freaked out. It wasn't easy to write Inuyasha really angry; usually he's just annoyed and doesn't let much to him. It was also hard to write because it goes into much detail about the rosary and how it affects Inuyasha and Kagome, having them discuss about it is something that I had to write carefully.

As an afterthought, I think the prayer beads are and will stay a very delicate subject (not only in my fic). I think they are actually one of the main reasons for the success of the Inuyasha series, because people find it either very funny or very degrading. The fics out there also prove that many people's are thinking about the beads and their implications... just look at the success of "Turnabout is fair play", "Broken" or "Learning to let go".

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