InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sever the Tie That Binds ❯ Ghost of Memories Passed ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

I do not own Inuyasha. I hate saying that every chapter.

Chapter 3: Ghost of Memories Passed

The next morning went by like every other. Taro and me had a routine and once again I didn’t think about his father. At work a new client came in. He had black hair and blue eyes. He was the cutest guy I had seen in a long time. His hair was pulled up in a ponytail and he was wearing a black suit, and you could still see the muscles underneath. One word came to mind, WOW!!

He came in for a meeting with Mr. Kano wanting to press charges for some company trespassing on his property. Apparently they wanted the land, and were threatening him if he didn’t sell.

He looked at me and smiled. I couldn’t help but smile back, he had a very charming smile. One of those boyish smiles that even when sincere seem mischievous. Before he left he walked passed my desk and winked at me. I just smiled at him and told him I would make sure to set up another meeting for him.

I saw him again the next day. Instead of just walking out he stopped at my desk. I looked up and he smiled again.

“You know you have a very pretty smile Mrs.…” I blushed and filled in the blank for him.

“Higurashi. Kagome Higurashi. And its just Ms. not Mrs.” He smiled again, it was a flirty smile and I could tell he had wanted to know if I was married or not.

“Well Ms. Higurashi would you like to go to dinner with me this Saturday?”

I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting that. What surprised me even more was I actually thought about it. Normally when I was asked out I said no. It was like an automatic response that I answered immediately before giving any thought to it.

For some reason I wanted to say yes. I thought I should start dating again, at least to try to find some father figure for Taro other than Miroku.

He seemed sincere and I didn’t find anything deceitful about him. So without hesitating any longer I smiled at him before giving him my decision.

“I would love to.” I gave him my number and left work smiling. I went to pick up Taro at Sango’s like usual.

As soon as I walked in she gave me an odd look. I stood there wondering why she would be staring at me so intently.

“What?”

“Kagome your smiling.”

“So? What about it?”

“Nothing its just you haven’t smiled in a long time.” Suddenly her face lit up and she smiled, a devious smile that went all the way up to her hairline. That was never a good smile.

“You met a guy.”

“What?” I tried to act shocked but she saw right through it.

“You did, you met a guy. So who is he? Did he ask you out? Do you like him?” She asked questions so fast it all just blurred together in one jumbled statement. When she stopped to take a breath I answered her.

“Okay okay, slow down. Yes I did meet a guy, yes I like him sort of. And yes he did ask me out.” I guess it wasn’t the answers she was looking for. Her smile dropped and I wondered how someone who‘s not PMS-ing could have so many mood swings in less than 30 seconds.

“What do you mean ‘sort of like him’?”

“Well I like him I guess I’m just a little reluctant. I don’t have a good history with men Sango. I’m not sure I can do this again.”

“Kagome stop it. Your doing it again. Not all men are like him. You say you don’t want him to mess up your life anymore. Well your giving him the power to do it by being afraid to move on because of what he did to you. Stop letting yesterday ruin today and take a chance. You don’t know what will happen.”

What she said made me angry, but mostly scared. I was scared because I knew she was right, and even more angry at myself because I was still letting him hurt me.

“Your right Sango. I’ll give him a chance. Besides I’m going to dinner with him Saturday.” I smiled when her face went from irritated to shocked.

“He asked you out and you said yes?” I nodded. She hugged me as if it were me getting married instead of her.

“I’m so glad for you Kagome. This is the best way to get over him.”

“I know. In a way I already am over him. I haven’t been thinking about him lately. I guess I don’t love him anymore.”

I thought I would always love him, but when I said it I knew I didn’t. I really had moved on. It felt great to let go. And for the first time in six years I felt free, and I could breathe.

When Saturday came I dropped Taro off at Sango’s and went home to get ready. I picked out my short black dress. It was simple but elegant. It came down to my knees and clung tight to my body. It was a spaghetti strap dress with a v-neck. I left my hair down but styled it in a bunch of spiral curls. I put on some gray eye shadow to complement the dress and bring out my eyes. I wore a light pink blush to make it look natural and clear lip gloss.

I thought I looked good. I hadn’t been on a date since Taro and wanted to look really good. I heard the doorbell ring when I finished putting on my black heels with the strings that tied around my calves I rushed downstairs to open the door. When I opened the door I was stunned.

He was wearing a brown silk button up shirt and black dress pants. He looked good all dressed up. He looked me up and down and his jaw nearly dropped. I smiled to myself, happy he liked my appearance. Finally he realized he was staring and looked me in the eyes.

“Kagome you look great.”

“Thanks, you look great too.”

“Well shall we?” He said as he put his arm out for me to take. I nodded and thread my arm through his. We walked to his car and he opened the door. His car was very nice, he had a black mustang. I thought it suited his personality. We drove to a restaurant and when I saw it I was glad I had dressed up.

It was a very nice place. It was an Italian restaurant with candlelight. There were small lamps that connected to the wall. There were red tablecloths, and golden tassels on the menus. In the center there was a dance floor with a glass chandelier hanging in the center. The hostess seated us while I looked around in awe taking in every detail.

Once we were seated he ordered red wine and smiled at me. He was very cute when he smiled. We ordered dinner and talked about little things. When he mentioned his family I felt guilty. I should have told him up front I had a five year old son. I was afraid he wouldn’t want to get involved with a single parent but I knew I couldn’t hide it forever.

“Koga, there’s something I should tell you.” His expression dropped and he stared at me as if I was going to tell him the apocalypse were coming. Suddenly I lost my voice and couldn’t bring myself to tell him.

I felt as though he would walk out on me once he found out. I looked down at the table before saying anything. There was a long silence that threatened to swallow me whole. Finally after taking a deep breathe I told him.

“Koga I’m sorry I should have told you when you asked me out, but I have a son.”For a second I thought he was going to leave but he finally said something.

“I thought you were single.”

“No, I am I was in a bad relationship and got pregnant shortly after I graduated high school.”

“Oh.” He was quiet again and I felt nervous about his reaction. I don’t know why I went into detail about it but it was too late I already said it.

“So how old is your..”

“Son, he’s five and will be turning six in a little more than two months. His name is Taro.”

“So you have raised him on your own?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t want to go into detail on why I was alone and without a father for Taro.

“Well I think that’s good, I mean you seem to have it all together for raising him on your own.”

“Thanks it was hard but I made it through with help from my family and my friend Sango.”

“So do I get to meet him.” I smiled. He didn’t seem concerned about me having a son, he was actually interested enough to meet my son. I was liking him more and more every minute. He liked me enough to accept that I have a five year old son, he even wanted to meet him.

“Well, I guess you can meet him next time we go out. That is if you still want to date me. I’ll understand if you don’t want to get involved with someone who is already a mother.”

“Kagome I like you. I don’t care about you having a son. I still want to see you. You obviously don’t know how many guys would be lucky to date you. So what are you doing next weekend?”

“Going out with you again of course.” He gave a cute grin and winked before asking me to dance.

“I don’t know Koga I’m not very good at dancing.”

“Why don‘t you let me judge that.”

“Okay.” He grabbed my hand and led me to the dance floor. It was elegant dancing, mostly slow. He put his arm around my waist and the other was holding my hand in his.

I almost flinched when he touched me. I hadn’t been held like this in a long time. At first I was uncomfortable, but I just blocked it out and let my body follow the music.

Dancing wasn’t hard, and I knew how. I just hadn’t danced in a long time. I was afraid I would fall over my feet, but Koga made it easy for me. He was a great dancer. His movement was fluid, and smooth.

He held me so gently it hardly felt like he was touching me at all. After the first song I felt more comfortable and moved my arms to around his neck. He put his arms around my waist and pulled me closer.

It felt good, but not right. I couldn’t stop myself from remembering when he use to hold me like this. He didn’t save one dance for me, he saved them all. At high school dances I couldn’t stop holding onto him. We use to sneak out early just to make out in the parking lot. But that was when he said he loved me. That was a long time ago, and those days are long gone.

The dust on my high school yearbooks reminds me how conclusive and forgotten that story really is. And just like my yearbooks dust covers that chapter of my life. That chapter is old and worn and just like in reality, it ended. This was a different time, a new chapter without him. I tried to shake the images from my head as I watched the scenery fade to the old days.

I laid my head on Koga’s shoulder trying to fight the feelings of hurt that I was reliving. I still didn’t know what I had done wrong. What did I do wrong that she did right? Why couldn’t he love me? I couldn’t keep asking myself these questions, so I just danced. Letting my movements mirror my mood. Slow and melancholy.

I emptied my head with each breath I took, concentrating on the music. So I forgot for a moment, so I danced as a lonely tear slid down my left cheek and onto the brown silk of his dress shirt.

Around the third song he led me back to the table. We had dessert before he paid the check and took me home. He walked me to my door, the whole time holding my hand. We stopped in front of my apartment and looked at each other. The night was over and this was goodbye.

“Well thanks for dinner. I had a great time. Thank you for everything Koga.”

“Your welcome. I love spending time with you. I don’t want to let you go yet.” He stood there staring into my eyes. My hand still in his. Slowly he leaned in. It suddenly registered that he was about to kiss me. What was scary about it was that I wanted him to.

I leaned in and his lips came down on mine. His lips were soft, and the kiss was gentle. Not demanding or passionate, but tender. He moved his lips over mine with practiced precision. After a minute we parted and I said good night. I walked in my apartment and stood there leaning my back against the door. My fingers on my lips remembering the kiss.

It was so different than his kiss. I found myself comparing the two, and although Koga was a good kisser, it wasn’t anything compared to the man who gave me my first kiss at the age of thirteen. I had known him since we were little kids. He was my first kiss, my first love. We were together since we were young. It seemed only natural we would be together until we were old.

But I guess it wasn’t meant to be. He found someone else. At the thought of our memories, of our relationship, I felt a dampness heating up my face. I was crying again. I became furious at myself. Angry for thinking of him, angry for crying, angry for missing him. I thought I had moved on from this. I thought I was better than this.

I was determined to forget him and move on. I ran into my room and slammed the door before removing my heels. I fell to my knees on my floor as memories of him flashed through my mind. Memories of him and I together. We were happy once. Suddenly I felt a familiar pain shoot through me as I remembered that night when he ended it and my world crashed like the ocean waves breaking against the shore.

It was our five year anniversary. He had taken me to dinner. I was so happy, that we‘d been together for so long. But I had a lingering doubt in my mind. Normally on our anniversary he was ecstatic and very romantic, he always brought me roses.

But that night he didn’t bring roses, he didn’t kiss me when I opened the door, and he didn’t tell me I looked beautiful, but what hurt most of all was he didn’t say “I love you” either. He seemed distant that night.

I had just found out a week ago that I was pregnant and had planned on telling him on our anniversary. I sat there watching him as he stared at me, but he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking through me. It felt as if he weren’t even there. I sat there frozen, preparing to tell him everything when he looked away from my eyes and down to the table.

“Kagome, I need to talk to you about something.” His tone was different, hesitant and nervous. Something was wrong. I sat there prepared for bad news, but what he said sent my world crashing into the ground, burying me. I was suffocating.

“I met someone else.” There it was. I couldn’t breathe. The walls were closing in, threatening to asphyxiate me. This isn’t happening, this cant be happening. That’s all that went through my mind. I couldn’t say anything. I just sat there in a daze, trying to remember to breathe, listening as he continued to talk.

“Kagome I’m so sorry but…” Sorry? He was sorry! I felt myself start to cry and couldn’t push the laughing out of my head. He was sorry! As if that would make anything better. He wasn’t sorry, he didn’t care.

If he cared he never would have cheated on me, he wouldn’t be sitting across from me tearing me apart from the inside out with no more care than as if he were talking about the weather. No, he wasn’t sorry and he didn’t love me.

“Kagome, please don’t cry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

“Stop, don’t say anything! Just don’t say anything.” I couldn’t keep the tears from coming and I saw the sadness in his eyes when I put my hand up to stop him from talking. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I couldn’t take anymore.

Here was the one person I gave myself to in every way and I was being forsaken. Thrown aside and used. Pregnant and alone. I couldn’t look at him, I never wanted to see him again. I gave him everything and it wasn’t enough.

I was pregnant with his child and he was leaving me. Telling me he ‘never meant for it to happen.’

I wanted to slap him, things like this are not accidents. And damn it, I loved him. Even after everything I still loved him. But I would never say those words again, not to him anyway.

This hurt more than any physical pain ever could. Why is it that the ones you love the most are the ones that hurt you the most?

“Kagome, please don’t cry. I never meant to hurt you.”

“You never meant to hurt me? You never meant to hurt me!” I saw him flinch at the amount of pure unadulterated hatred that laced through every syllable of those words.

“How could you even say that? You know damn well that this would hurt me! How could you even do this to me?” When I said that he looked down again and for a split second I thought I saw regret flash in his eyes.

“I’m sorry Kagome, but what do you want me to say?” There was only one word I could think to ask him at that moment. The one question he hadn’t answered.

“Why?” And he didn’t say anything. I was trembling from the aftershocks of his betrayal, looking at his face as my tears ran down my cheeks. Still, he couldn’t answer me.

“I never knew it would end up like this, I wasn’t trying to hurt you.”

“Well congratulations, you did a good job.” I was freely crying now, not even trying to hold back. I felt my heart cracking in my chest, my ribs breaking with the force of his infidelity. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out. I got up and practically ran for the exit.

I felt unmarked tears rushing down my face as I ran through the crowds of people on the street trying to get away from him.

I could hear him calling after me. I needed to get a cab and go home. As I put up my arm I felt him grab my wrist and spin me around to face him.

“Let me go!! Don’t touch me!” I tore my arm away from his grasp and stepped back. I was still crying and my voice was hoarse. It felt like something was stuck in my throat, like after you dry swallow a large pill, and I was constantly trying to force it back.

“Please Kagome. Don’t go, not like this. I don’t want to lose you from my life completely. Cant we at least be friends?” That’s when I looked up at him, pure revulsion shining through each tear that was streaking down my face.

“No, I cant. Don’t you understand? I cant watch you with her. I cant even look at you right now. Just get away from me. I don’t want to hear from you, I don’t want to be near you and I never want to see you again!” I broke down. Each word steadily becoming louder than the last.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was low and deep. It sounded like he was trying to hold back from crying.

“Well sometimes sorry isn’t enough. I wish I could forgive you, but things are never that simple.”
“I know, but believe me I never wanted to be the one to hurt you.”

“Well you did.” I turned away from him ready to walk away. But I loved him and no matter how much he hurt me I still wanted him to be happy. I turned to look into his eyes one last time before we parted and I never saw him again.

“Inuyasha, I do wish you both all the best. I want you to be happy, even if its not with me.”

“Goodbye Kagome, please don’t hate me.” He looked at me again with regret in his eyes before walking away, leaving me behind. I thought I saw pain in his eyes before he left, but he couldn’t have been upset. He was leaving me, I didn’t hurt him it was the other way around.

I wrapped my arms around myself and continued to cry as I relived the memory of when I shattered, and I knew I could never be whole again. He was everything to me and then he was gone. I stood there watching him walk away and out of my life. I never thought that he would abandon me.

I guess I overestimated his feelings for me. I thought we were invincible, that nothing could break us apart. That was until some stranger walked into his life.

We weren’t invincible, she saw right through us and broke everything that ever seemed whole in my existence.

I died that day. In a way I still am. It was my fault, my fault because I couldn’t make him love me. I peeled myself off the floor and went to my dresser. I looked in the bottom drawer where I kept Taro’s baby pictures and albums.

That’s where I found it. A picture of us together taken sometime after graduation. It was two weeks before our anniversary.

I thought I had destroyed all memory, all the evidence of our relationship. But here it was staring me in the face. We were smiling and happy, he had his arms wrapped around me from behind kissing me on the cheek.

I wondered if he had met her yet, or how long he had been seeing her. Was he with her when we had taken this picture? Was he thinking about her when he held me? Did he ever love me at all?

I stared at the picture of us together asking so many questions I could never answer. Questions that I’m not sure I want the answers to. I felt the hatred burning inside me and I had to let it out. I tore the picture in two and ran outside. Its human nature, when something is a threat you have two options: fight or run from it. Me, I ran.

I needed to run to get away from that place, away from that picture, and away from the memories. But no matter how far I ran they wouldn’t leave my head. My makeup was running down my face, and the rough pavement was digging into my feet. I could feel the pain sinking in, the stinging as each foot slapped against the stone walkway repeatedly.

But I didn’t stop I ran until I couldn’t breathe. Then I collapsed in the park about five blocks from my apartment building. I dropped to my knees trying to catch my breath. My lungs were burning and my knees were weak.

I could feel my heart beating rapidly against my chest and I knew I wasn’t over him. That bastard had ruined my life and although he wasn’t here he was still affecting my life.

“Not anymore.” I said out loud to myself determined to stop. I sat on my knees with my hands pressed into the grass as I tried to steady my breathing and stop myself from shivering. I wasn’t cold, but I still felt as numb as I did empty.

After what seemed like hours I got on my feet and started walking home. I was so busy thinking about the past I never noticed I had walked into my apartment. I sunk to the living room floor as more tears peaked through my eyes and rolled down my face.

I sat there thinking about him and why he did it. I didn’t realize but, I had cried myself to sleep that night on my living room floor.