InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sever the Tie That Binds ❯ Atonement ( Chapter 4 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: FallenAngel7891 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.01.2006 | Updated On: 01.02.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 1.9K | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 01.01.2006 | Updated On: 01.02.2006 | Pages: 3 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 1.9K | Status: Work In Progress
Still don’t own.
Chapter 4: Atonement
The next morning I woke up laying close to the apartment door. I didn’t remember falling asleep, I only remembered the scene that replayed in my mind, those memories of that unbearable night.
It just wouldn’t leave my head, it stayed in the back of my mind taunting me, threatening to make the small strings that held me together snap. It seems as if every time I try to walk a straight path, every time I begin to trust and look up, I trip and fall on my face. Would it ever be enough?
I got up and walked into the bathroom in slow, unsteady steps. My legs hurt, my knees were threatening to buckle, my head was pounding, and my neck was sore from laying on the floor all night. And the worse part of it all, none of it mattered. Only the fact that he left seemed to matter to me at that moment.
I still felt that miserable numbness that was slowly consuming my very being, threatening to overcome my whole life. I felt myself sinking, slowly drowning in these emotions that I needed to overcome. I walked to the sink and turned on the cold water. Filling my hands and splashing my face countless times trying to wash away my emotions. The only thing I succeeded in doing was washing away my smeared make-up.
I watched the mascara run down my face in black streaks. How fitting. It was the color that represented my life. Then I remembered the one person who was everything in my life. Taro.
I walked into my bedroom and threw my dirty dress in the clothes basket. I put on an oversized gray t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants. I pulled my hair into a ponytail before sitting on my bed near the nightstand.
I picked up the phone that sat in front of my white lamp and next to my alarm clock, and dialed Sango’s number. Around the third ring I was about to give up and call later when I heard someone pick up.
“Hello?”
“Sango?”
&# 8220;Yea, hey Kagome. How did your date go.” I could hear her grinning over the phone.
“It went great. I had a good time. Koga’s a great guy.” The only problem was now I couldn’t get my ex out of my head.
“Oh, really. Well what happened, come on I want details.”
“And you’ll get them Sango, I’ll tell you everything in person when I pick up Taro later.” Truthfully I couldn’t talk to her about it now. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep myself from crying if we kept talking about dates and back-stabbing ex-boyfriends.
“By the way thanks for watching Taro and letting him stay the night. Is he up yet?”
“It was no problem. I wanted you to date again remember? And no he’s still sleeping. Relax Kagome, its only 9:30 and its Sunday. All kids sleep in on weekends.”
“Yea I know. So how about I get ready and pick him up in say… an hour?”
“Okay I’ll see you in an hour then, and remember you will be giving me details. Oh, I have some things to talk to you about too.”
“Alright then, see ya later.”
“Kay, bye.”
After I hung up with Sango, I got a quick shower and pulled my hair up, not even bothering to blow dry it. I put on a pair of faded jeans, and a baby blue t-shirt with a white jacket before riding over to Sango’s the whole way over thinking of what to tell her.
Mostly I tried to forget what happened last night and focus on my date. I didn’t want to think about him anymore. Thinking of him only brought more heartache and I already had enough of that.
When I arrived at Sango’s I stood outside her door taking deep breaths trying to calm myself as I heard the funeral dirge playing in my head. It felt like I was about to walk into my death. I shook it out of my head and knocked on the door.
“Hey Kagome, come on in.”
“Hey Sango, is he up yet?”
“Yea he was up a half hour ago. Right now him and Miroku are playing Sorry, and he’s losing terribly to a five year old!” I started laughing, she yelled it just to irritate him.
“Shut up Sango, your not exactly a champion!” And apparently it worked.
“Anyway, come on Kagome, lets talk in the kitchen.” I nodded and followed her to the kitchen. We sat down both staring at the opposite wall, neither wanting to start the conversation. Finally, she spoke up.
“So what did you do on your date?”
“We went to dinner, it was wonderful. The restaurant was real extravagant and romantic. The only light was from the candles and small lamps on the walls. It was beautiful, there was a dance floor and everything. He was a perfect gentlemen, nothing went wrong. In short, the perfect date.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“Well do you like him? Did you tell him that you have a son?”
“Yes I do like him, which is kind of scary.”
“Why?”
“Well when you like someone you give them power. The power to disappoint you and break your heart.”
“Yea maybe, but stop thinking every guy is like Inu...”
“Damn it Sango, don’t say his name. I never want to hear his name again!”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking Kagome.” How could she have forgot. I hadn’t spoken his name since he ended it. I never wanted to hear about him again.
I couldn’t stand even a little reminder of him. I wanted to forget I ever knew him, which is why Koga was perfect. He was cute, smart, sweet and when I was with him I felt needed.
“I’m sorry Kagome, really I wasn’t thinking.”
“Its okay. Anyway, you’re right not everyone is going to disappoint me.”
“So did you tell Koga about Taro?”
“Yes I did. I told him at dinner last night.”
“Well? What did he say.” That question made me smile, remembering how he had reacted to my ‘news.’
“He said he wanted to meet him.”
“Really?”
“Yea, he’s just perfect Sango, he likes me enough that he doesn’t care that I have a son. I think I like him more every second.”
“I’m so glad for you, really its great to see you finally smiling again. I mean really smiling, not your fake smile, not your polite smile, but your real smile.”
“Yeah I guess I haven’t had much to smile about lately, until now.” The more I thought about the date, and the kiss afterwards the more I saw the memories of my past drifting away in the back of my mind.
It was a nice feeling, not to care anymore, to drop the pain and just feel happy for the first time in six years. Finally, I was forgetting him.
“So what happened at the end of the date?”
“What do you mean what happened? He took me home.”
“I mean how did he end the date when he took you home. Did he walk you to the door, did you hold hands, you know give me the details.”
“Well he walked me to my door, and we held hands. Then he kissed me.” What was wrong with me? When I thought about the kiss I saw his face, the face of my past. It felt as though I was betraying him.
But that was stupid, he betrayed me. He left me. He cheated on me. I never did any of that, except suffer the aftereffects of his decision to pick the other woman. And as much as I wanted to I couldn’t hate her, as much as I wanted I couldn’t blame her.
It was his decision and his choice. It wasn’t her fault he chose her. But I wanted so much to believe it was her fault, that way I could stay in denial that he may have loved me and it was her who manipulated him into thinking otherwise.
But you cant lie to yourself forever, and as much as I hated to I had to admit it. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink.
“Wow he kissed you? That’s great, so was it a good kiss?”
“Yes, he was a good kisser.” But I couldn’t stop myself from remembering that it was Koga standing there and not him.
“If it was a good kiss then why does it sound like you’re disappointed?” Sango could always read my fake smiles. I guess she became an expert. I did know her since we were little kids.
“I don’t know, I guess I just want to take it slow. It was my first date in almost six years give me a break.”
“Okay, okay sorry. I guess I just want you to move on so much I forgot what its like to be scared. I’m sorry I just don’t want to see you pass up your chances to be happy with someone who sounds like a great guy.”
“I know you mean well and I promise I wont throw away any chances. I am moving on and getting over it. Slowly maybe, but definitely getting over it.” Then I smiled, one of my sincere smiles because I realized I did have someone who loved me.
Three in fact, Miroku and Sango loved me like a sister, and Taro loved me. That was what mattered. Just as Sango smiled back Miroku walked into the kitchen and sat down in the chair on Sango’s left.
“Man, he beat me three times at that stupid game, now he’s watching TV.”
“Kagome don’t forget we’re having the engagement party next month. Since you’re the maid of honor I expect you to be there.”
“Naturally. I couldn’t let my sister down.” Then Miroku spoke up about wedding details.
“Speaking of the party Sango, I picked my best man. He just moved back to town about three weeks ago. He got a job near my building and I ran into him on the street last week.”
“Who?”
“A friend of mine from college. He’s not he one you met, he was my roommate in college before I transferred and met you. He was my best friend for two years while I went to community college. We went different ways and both transferred to a different area. I never thought I‘d ever see him again.”
“Wait was he the one you said who always complained about his ex girlfriend?” I wish Sango would have dropped it. I didn’t want to talk about Miroku’s old roommate’s romantic entanglements while I was having my own doubts in my new relationship. Well, if you could call an invitation for a second date a relationship.
“Yeah, he always talked about the one he lost in high school. He was an idiot, it was his own damn fault anyway.”
“Mommy!!” I always did love my son for his impeccable timing. If he didn’t they would have kept talking about someone else’s failed relationship and I wasn’t up to talking about love and loss. Thank God my son came running in the kitchen and jumped on my lap.
“Hi sweetie did you have fun staying at Aunt Sango’s?”
“Yes we played lots of games, and I won.”
“That’s great, but I need to talk to Aunt Sango some more and then we’re leaving so go pack your bag I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay mommy.” Then he went running out as fast as he did in. He was always energetic and happy. I didn’t want to think about the day he would ask about his father.
I couldn’t bring himself to tell him that his father had never loved me but changed his mind. I couldn’t tell him I had been too much of a coward to tell his father that I was even pregnant. I thought I did the right thing.
We were young and I wanted him to be happy. I didn’t want to make him feel obligated to be with me. I didn’t want him, not that way. I wanted him to be happy, not hold him down with a baby and ruin both our lives.
“Sango, I have another date this weekend with Koga, would you mind babysitting again? I’ll pick him up so he wont be here all night.”
“Of course I’ll watch him next weekend, and don’t bother picking him up. You don’t want to have to wake him up that late. Just let him stay here and you focus on having a great date. Oh and don’t forget to get a second kiss this time, maybe more.”
Sango, I could have slapped her. There she was wiggling her eyebrows at me suggestively and after she spit out all that stuff about taking things slowly.
“Goodbye Sango, I’ll see you Saturday. And thanks again you guys.”
“Its no problem Kagome, we love Taro. We’ll watch him anytime.” I said goodbye again before picking up Taro and going home. I was suddenly excited about Saturday. I had a new determination to make it better than the first, and forget my past for real.
I would not let it haunt me anymore. I would move on, and damn it he wasn’t going to stop me anymore. I went to sleep thinking about tomorrow, and anticipating the weekend.
Chapter 4: Atonement
The next morning I woke up laying close to the apartment door. I didn’t remember falling asleep, I only remembered the scene that replayed in my mind, those memories of that unbearable night.
It just wouldn’t leave my head, it stayed in the back of my mind taunting me, threatening to make the small strings that held me together snap. It seems as if every time I try to walk a straight path, every time I begin to trust and look up, I trip and fall on my face. Would it ever be enough?
I got up and walked into the bathroom in slow, unsteady steps. My legs hurt, my knees were threatening to buckle, my head was pounding, and my neck was sore from laying on the floor all night. And the worse part of it all, none of it mattered. Only the fact that he left seemed to matter to me at that moment.
I still felt that miserable numbness that was slowly consuming my very being, threatening to overcome my whole life. I felt myself sinking, slowly drowning in these emotions that I needed to overcome. I walked to the sink and turned on the cold water. Filling my hands and splashing my face countless times trying to wash away my emotions. The only thing I succeeded in doing was washing away my smeared make-up.
I watched the mascara run down my face in black streaks. How fitting. It was the color that represented my life. Then I remembered the one person who was everything in my life. Taro.
I walked into my bedroom and threw my dirty dress in the clothes basket. I put on an oversized gray t-shirt and a pair of black sweatpants. I pulled my hair into a ponytail before sitting on my bed near the nightstand.
I picked up the phone that sat in front of my white lamp and next to my alarm clock, and dialed Sango’s number. Around the third ring I was about to give up and call later when I heard someone pick up.
“Hello?”
“Sango?”
&# 8220;Yea, hey Kagome. How did your date go.” I could hear her grinning over the phone.
“It went great. I had a good time. Koga’s a great guy.” The only problem was now I couldn’t get my ex out of my head.
“Oh, really. Well what happened, come on I want details.”
“And you’ll get them Sango, I’ll tell you everything in person when I pick up Taro later.” Truthfully I couldn’t talk to her about it now. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep myself from crying if we kept talking about dates and back-stabbing ex-boyfriends.
“By the way thanks for watching Taro and letting him stay the night. Is he up yet?”
“It was no problem. I wanted you to date again remember? And no he’s still sleeping. Relax Kagome, its only 9:30 and its Sunday. All kids sleep in on weekends.”
“Yea I know. So how about I get ready and pick him up in say… an hour?”
“Okay I’ll see you in an hour then, and remember you will be giving me details. Oh, I have some things to talk to you about too.”
“Alright then, see ya later.”
“Kay, bye.”
After I hung up with Sango, I got a quick shower and pulled my hair up, not even bothering to blow dry it. I put on a pair of faded jeans, and a baby blue t-shirt with a white jacket before riding over to Sango’s the whole way over thinking of what to tell her.
Mostly I tried to forget what happened last night and focus on my date. I didn’t want to think about him anymore. Thinking of him only brought more heartache and I already had enough of that.
When I arrived at Sango’s I stood outside her door taking deep breaths trying to calm myself as I heard the funeral dirge playing in my head. It felt like I was about to walk into my death. I shook it out of my head and knocked on the door.
“Hey Kagome, come on in.”
“Hey Sango, is he up yet?”
“Yea he was up a half hour ago. Right now him and Miroku are playing Sorry, and he’s losing terribly to a five year old!” I started laughing, she yelled it just to irritate him.
“Shut up Sango, your not exactly a champion!” And apparently it worked.
“Anyway, come on Kagome, lets talk in the kitchen.” I nodded and followed her to the kitchen. We sat down both staring at the opposite wall, neither wanting to start the conversation. Finally, she spoke up.
“So what did you do on your date?”
“We went to dinner, it was wonderful. The restaurant was real extravagant and romantic. The only light was from the candles and small lamps on the walls. It was beautiful, there was a dance floor and everything. He was a perfect gentlemen, nothing went wrong. In short, the perfect date.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“Well do you like him? Did you tell him that you have a son?”
“Yes I do like him, which is kind of scary.”
“Why?”
“Well when you like someone you give them power. The power to disappoint you and break your heart.”
“Yea maybe, but stop thinking every guy is like Inu...”
“Damn it Sango, don’t say his name. I never want to hear his name again!”
“I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking Kagome.” How could she have forgot. I hadn’t spoken his name since he ended it. I never wanted to hear about him again.
I couldn’t stand even a little reminder of him. I wanted to forget I ever knew him, which is why Koga was perfect. He was cute, smart, sweet and when I was with him I felt needed.
“I’m sorry Kagome, really I wasn’t thinking.”
“Its okay. Anyway, you’re right not everyone is going to disappoint me.”
“So did you tell Koga about Taro?”
“Yes I did. I told him at dinner last night.”
“Well? What did he say.” That question made me smile, remembering how he had reacted to my ‘news.’
“He said he wanted to meet him.”
“Really?”
“Yea, he’s just perfect Sango, he likes me enough that he doesn’t care that I have a son. I think I like him more every second.”
“I’m so glad for you, really its great to see you finally smiling again. I mean really smiling, not your fake smile, not your polite smile, but your real smile.”
“Yeah I guess I haven’t had much to smile about lately, until now.” The more I thought about the date, and the kiss afterwards the more I saw the memories of my past drifting away in the back of my mind.
It was a nice feeling, not to care anymore, to drop the pain and just feel happy for the first time in six years. Finally, I was forgetting him.
“So what happened at the end of the date?”
“What do you mean what happened? He took me home.”
“I mean how did he end the date when he took you home. Did he walk you to the door, did you hold hands, you know give me the details.”
“Well he walked me to my door, and we held hands. Then he kissed me.” What was wrong with me? When I thought about the kiss I saw his face, the face of my past. It felt as though I was betraying him.
But that was stupid, he betrayed me. He left me. He cheated on me. I never did any of that, except suffer the aftereffects of his decision to pick the other woman. And as much as I wanted to I couldn’t hate her, as much as I wanted I couldn’t blame her.
It was his decision and his choice. It wasn’t her fault he chose her. But I wanted so much to believe it was her fault, that way I could stay in denial that he may have loved me and it was her who manipulated him into thinking otherwise.
But you cant lie to yourself forever, and as much as I hated to I had to admit it. You can lead a horse to water but you cant make him drink.
“Wow he kissed you? That’s great, so was it a good kiss?”
“Yes, he was a good kisser.” But I couldn’t stop myself from remembering that it was Koga standing there and not him.
“If it was a good kiss then why does it sound like you’re disappointed?” Sango could always read my fake smiles. I guess she became an expert. I did know her since we were little kids.
“I don’t know, I guess I just want to take it slow. It was my first date in almost six years give me a break.”
“Okay, okay sorry. I guess I just want you to move on so much I forgot what its like to be scared. I’m sorry I just don’t want to see you pass up your chances to be happy with someone who sounds like a great guy.”
“I know you mean well and I promise I wont throw away any chances. I am moving on and getting over it. Slowly maybe, but definitely getting over it.” Then I smiled, one of my sincere smiles because I realized I did have someone who loved me.
Three in fact, Miroku and Sango loved me like a sister, and Taro loved me. That was what mattered. Just as Sango smiled back Miroku walked into the kitchen and sat down in the chair on Sango’s left.
“Man, he beat me three times at that stupid game, now he’s watching TV.”
“Kagome don’t forget we’re having the engagement party next month. Since you’re the maid of honor I expect you to be there.”
“Naturally. I couldn’t let my sister down.” Then Miroku spoke up about wedding details.
“Speaking of the party Sango, I picked my best man. He just moved back to town about three weeks ago. He got a job near my building and I ran into him on the street last week.”
“Who?”
“A friend of mine from college. He’s not he one you met, he was my roommate in college before I transferred and met you. He was my best friend for two years while I went to community college. We went different ways and both transferred to a different area. I never thought I‘d ever see him again.”
“Wait was he the one you said who always complained about his ex girlfriend?” I wish Sango would have dropped it. I didn’t want to talk about Miroku’s old roommate’s romantic entanglements while I was having my own doubts in my new relationship. Well, if you could call an invitation for a second date a relationship.
“Yeah, he always talked about the one he lost in high school. He was an idiot, it was his own damn fault anyway.”
“Mommy!!” I always did love my son for his impeccable timing. If he didn’t they would have kept talking about someone else’s failed relationship and I wasn’t up to talking about love and loss. Thank God my son came running in the kitchen and jumped on my lap.
“Hi sweetie did you have fun staying at Aunt Sango’s?”
“Yes we played lots of games, and I won.”
“That’s great, but I need to talk to Aunt Sango some more and then we’re leaving so go pack your bag I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay mommy.” Then he went running out as fast as he did in. He was always energetic and happy. I didn’t want to think about the day he would ask about his father.
I couldn’t bring himself to tell him that his father had never loved me but changed his mind. I couldn’t tell him I had been too much of a coward to tell his father that I was even pregnant. I thought I did the right thing.
We were young and I wanted him to be happy. I didn’t want to make him feel obligated to be with me. I didn’t want him, not that way. I wanted him to be happy, not hold him down with a baby and ruin both our lives.
“Sango, I have another date this weekend with Koga, would you mind babysitting again? I’ll pick him up so he wont be here all night.”
“Of course I’ll watch him next weekend, and don’t bother picking him up. You don’t want to have to wake him up that late. Just let him stay here and you focus on having a great date. Oh and don’t forget to get a second kiss this time, maybe more.”
Sango, I could have slapped her. There she was wiggling her eyebrows at me suggestively and after she spit out all that stuff about taking things slowly.
“Goodbye Sango, I’ll see you Saturday. And thanks again you guys.”
“Its no problem Kagome, we love Taro. We’ll watch him anytime.” I said goodbye again before picking up Taro and going home. I was suddenly excited about Saturday. I had a new determination to make it better than the first, and forget my past for real.
I would not let it haunt me anymore. I would move on, and damn it he wasn’t going to stop me anymore. I went to sleep thinking about tomorrow, and anticipating the weekend.