InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Side Effects ❯ Side Effects ( Chapter 2 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 04.15.2017 | Pages: 8 | Words: 5.2K | Visits: 1.0K | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 04.15.2017 | Pages: 8 | Words: 5.2K | Visits: 1.0K | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha. I will make no
money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment
of my readers.
Side Effects
Kagome sighed for at least the dozenth time that morning, as she trudged along after her companions. Although, ‘trudged’ probably wasn’t the right word to describe their walking speed; ‘marched’ would be a more appropriate adjective. Fueled by his ridiculously good mood, Inuyasha seemed to be floating on air at the head of the group, leading them at a far quicker pace than he usually did, at least when they had no particular destination in mind.
And there was the rub. The very thing which made Inuyasha so happy caused her only worry and dread. And that, in turn, made her feel incredibly guilty. Her shoulders sagged under the weight of remorse, and she wished she could just shake herself and magically be at peace with this. But unfortunately, it wasn’t so easy to change how she felt, not when this seemed so wrong deep down in her bones.
She sighed again, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Fatigue was another constant burden. They had returned to the village, vowing to wait one night to see if the creature which had been harassing the settlement returned. When it did not, they could be reasonably certain that the hamster had been the culprit all along. She might have been able to get some sleep if Inuyasha had joined them, but instead the hanyou—no, the youkai—had spent the entire evening out in the forest familiarizing himself with his new form. While this undoubtedly served some practical purpose—learning new abilities, for example—Kagome also thought that he had simply been having fun. She could see the appeal of being able to leap higher or run faster than ever before, or sense the world around him more clearly. But his absence, combined with her own dark thoughts, had assured her a long and restless night.
Up ahead, Inuyasha stretched his arms above him, tilting his head back for a moment to allow the sun to cast its warm rays upon his face. Kagome felt her brow furrow in irritation. How could he be so happy about this? Didn’t her opinion of him matter at all? She didn’t want him to enjoy being a full-youkai, or regard no longer being a hanyou as the single greatest thing which had ever happened to him. His unbridled enthusiasm on both of these subjects revealed some very ugly truths which she was having difficulty in facing. She had fallen for him as a hanyou. She loved him exactly the way he was, before he had become something else. Even if Inuyasha had not comprehended the full extent of her feelings, he must surely have been aware of her unconditional acceptance, that she was his friend neither due to nor in spite of his hanyou heritage. It simply didn’t matter to her. So why…why wasn’t that enough to make him happy? Why hadn’t her acceptance been enough to let him forget his old desire to become a full-youkai? Even if he believed it to be merely platonic, why couldn’t her love make him whole?
Perhaps that was what hurt the most, the idea that she had failed him somehow. That despite her unwavering support, she would never have been able to fully heal the void in his soul. That he would have always harbored this deep desire to change himself, no matter where life took him. Learning of her own inadequacy in this regard was the single biggest disappointment of her entire life.
She sniffled once, blinking back tears. She had cried a little bit last night, but didn’t want to shed tears in his presence. Whether he was aware that something was bothering her, or he was too distracted by his own elation to notice, he hadn’t said anything to her about it. She hoped to keep it that way. The last thing she wanted right now was a confrontation. Fighting with him without first having dealt with her own issues would only lead to disaster.
Selfishness was the chief demon, a giant ogre rampaging around inside her head. And she hated herself for it. She had always told herself that she just wanted Inuyasha to be happy. If this made him happy, and there truly were no negative side effects, then how could she wish for him to change back and still look at herself the same way in the mirror? Did her reservations mean that her professed selflessness was just an illusion? Did they…make her the same as Kikyou? She had always considered her love to be unconditional, and therefore different from what Kikyou felt for Inuyasha. But what if her feelings were actually just as fatally flawed as the undead miko’s? Was she really just a giant fraud? Could she even consider herself Inuyasha’s friend?
These questions and the uncertainty of their answers frightened Kagome to her very core. If Inuyasha knew the terrible thoughts which plagued her, she was fairly certain he would never look at her the same way again. Perhaps he believed that she, like the others, was simply concerned over the possibility of negative side effects. If so, she vowed to do nothing to dispel that belief. Hopefully she would be able to make peace with her actual demons before he began to suspect the truth. If not…she didn’t want to think about it.
Nevertheless, her misery-addled mind began to turn down the road to worst-case scenarios, a route which it had already traveled several times. She was saved from completing this figurative journey by a badly-placed rock in the middle of the real-world path on which her physical body actually walked.
“Oof!” she grunted, stumbling and barely managing to prevent herself from falling face-first into the dirt. She tried to resume walking immediately, but swayed dizzily for a moment and was forced to stop. Leaning down with her hands on her knees, she comprehended her shortness of breath for the first time. Why am I panting? Were we really walking that fast?
“Are you all right, Kagome-chan?”
She looked up to see Sango, Miroku, Kirara and Shippou gazing back at her in concern. The kitsune had taken to riding on Miroku’s shoulder this morning, the fire-cat with Sango. The monk and taijiya were undoubtedly in better physical shape than she was, but she was gratified to see the fine sheen of sweat on their brows, even if they weren’t really out of breath. Sango shot Miroku a meaningful look, and he nodded, immediately jogging after Inuyasha while calling his name.
“Sorry, Kagome-chan, I didn’t realize we were walking so fast.”
“It’s all right, Sango-chan,” she replied, straightening up. “We’re all a little distracted this morning, ne?”
Sango grinned. “Yeah, especially a certain someone who, now that you mention it, has been skipping along like a little girl all morning.”
Kagome chuckled at this, despite her melancholy. Then both women turned their attention to the two males up ahead, between whom an argument was developing.
“So what the hell is the problem?”
“As I just stated, the problem is that you are walking too fast.”
“Bullshit,” Inuyasha snapped, obstinately crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not walking any faster than I usually do.”
“Oh, really? Do we usually march to the point of Kagome-sama nearly collapsing?”
Inuyasha looked at her for the first time, giving her a quick once-over. For a moment his eyes held genuine concern, but then his expression hardened, and she knew the next words out of his mouth were going to be hurtful. Fortunately Miroku anticipated this as well.
“Before you say anything you will regret,” he interjected, seemingly unperturbed by the nasty glare Inuyasha sent his way, “let me remind you that the three of us are only human. All we ask is to travel at the pace we usually travel. Surely that is not an unreasonable request.”
Inuyasha glanced between them, clearly wanting to argue. But he must have been caught off guard by Miroku’s impenetrable logic, and it was fairly obvious that none of them were going to be especially receptive to his continued efforts to convince them that it was all in their heads. So, with a theatrical roll of his eyes and a petulant snort, he spun back around and stomped off, albeit at a much more reasonable speed. Miroku got him to stop long enough to retrieve a water bottle from Kagome’s backpack, then very leisurely strolled back to the miko, his grin revealing the unhurried gait to be quite purposeful. Sango snickered at the pair of golden eyes boring into the back of his skull, and even Kagome smiled a bit. After thanking Miroku and satiating her thirst, Kagome handed the bottle back to him. The three of them shared the refreshment, even as their leader became more and more irritated. Finally he could contain himself no longer.
“Come on, let’s go! You slow-ass humans have rested long enough already!”
The others looked to Kagome, unwilling to proceed unless she was up for it. She was, so she started out at a normal walking pace, Sango and Miroku falling into step beside her. Inuyasha spun and resumed his place at the head of the group, his body language screaming of annoyance.
“We’ll stop for lunch in a little bit,” the taijiya whispered conspiratorially in her ear, though evidently not quietly enough to escape detection by hypersensitive ears. Inuyasha threw his head back and let loose a loud groan that quickly morphed into an irritated growl. He then took to muttering under his breath, though fortunately none of them could make out the words.
Shippou hopped onto Kagome’s shoulder, his presence enough to make her smile. Her friends might not understand what was going on inside her head, but their support meant the world to her. She wasn’t alone in learning how to deal with a full-youkai Inuyasha. As she had told Shippou yesterday, they would figure it out together.
“Okay, that’s it,” Sango snapped, grabbing Miroku’s robes and Kagome’s blouse and drawing both of them to a stop. She then led them forward at a normal walking speed. Everyone could see that Inuyasha would rapidly outpace them, but the monk and miko were content to let their taijiya companion handle the fallout. Everyone in the group knew not to cross Sango when she was angry. Apparently even Inuyasha. Instead of yelling at them when he realized that they were no longer keeping up with him, he took one look at the taijiya and rolled his eyes, pouting like a child.
“What, am I walking too fast again?” Somehow his attempted sarcasm didn’t have much bite to it, and Sango for one was not impressed.
“We are going to walk at our own pace from now on, Inuyasha,” she stated firmly. “You are welcome to join us or scout ahead.”
Kagome mentally praised Sango for giving Inuyasha an ‘out.’ Even though he didn’t usually ‘scout ahead,’ the option to save face might help to defuse the situation. Evidently it worked.
“Keh,” Inuyasha snorted, once again taking to muttering under his breath as he walked away. But that was much preferable to a fight, as far as his friends were concerned.
They didn’t see any sign of him until that evening, after they had set up camp. Kagome was busy preparing some modern food from her backpack when she sensed his aura up in the trees. Pretending not to notice, she nevertheless set two cups of ramen in the empty spot next to her, figuring that the message of ‘I’ll make these for you when you’re ready to come down’ was quite clear.
He did come down eventually, after the others had turned in for the night. Kagome was falling asleep where she knelt by that point, but perked up immediately as he settled down beside her. He wordlessly handed her the cups of ramen, and she just as wordlessly prepared them for him. For several minutes, the only sounds to be heard were the crackling of the fire and the quiet slurping of mass-produced noodles. They continued to sit together in silence after Inuyasha had finished eating. Kagome felt his eyes on her, but didn’t react, instead waiting for him to speak.
“You okay, wench?” he finally asked, feigning nonchalance. His words were not especially kind, but she searched his eyes and found genuine remorse, so she nodded and smiled. Much to her delight, this made him blush handsomely and he glanced away in embarrassment, while simultaneously shifting his body closer to hers. She took this as the invitation it was and leaned against his side, heaving a huge sigh of relief. After today, any interaction which struck her as ‘normal’ was most welcome. She could almost believe that this was still the Inuyasha she loved, and that he hadn’t changed one bit as a result of his transformation.
Almost.
It was such a pleasant day, that the sun had nearly set before Kagome realized something they all should have remembered hours earlier.
“Oh, Kami! Inuyasha! Why didn’t you say something?”
“What is it Kagome-chan?”
“Tonight’s the new moon!”
Sango gasped. “You’re right! We’d better find a safe place to—”
Low, almost sinister chuckling interrupted her, as all eyes turned to find Inuyasha smirking in nearly maniacal fashion.
“I was wondering when you lot would remember the new moon. But you don’t have to worry. My youki hasn’t weakened all day. I’m looking forward to sundown!”
Kagome could understand why. She supposed they had all fallen into the old habit of worrying about the new moon, but Inuyasha was probably right in saying that they didn’t have any reason to be concerned. Tonight was likely the truest test of his transformation, of whether he really had become a full-youkai. It was no surprise that he was excited by the prospect.
For good reason, as it turned out. Everyone observed in silence as the sun slipped below the horizon, leaving a moonless sky above. For the first time in his life, Inuyasha was able to look upon that sky without losing half of himself. Kagome thought the shade of his eyes might have darkened slightly, but there was no other change, and even that was probably just her imagination. One could argue that he had already lost half of himself when he surrendered his human side, but judging by his cry of jubilation, Inuyasha clearly believed that gaining another ‘half’ of youkai more than made up for the loss.
“Yes! Fuck you, new moon! You got nothin’ on me, you stupid whore!”
“Did he just call the moon a whore?” Sango asked, shaking her head.
“A ‘stupid whore,’ I believe,” Miroku replied with an amused chuckle.
“Well, it’s nice to know that whatever transformations Inuyasha has undergone, his level of maturity hasn’t changed one bit.”
Kagome grinned at the joke, as did everyone else, and was just about to add something in equally good humor when Inuyasha’s voice reached them.
“Oi! Shut up over there!”
Kagome turned to stare at him, her eyes widening slightly. His lips were quirked and one of his oversized fangs poked out, which along with the way he was comically shaking his fist in the air, indicated that he was joking as well. Their friends certainly seemed to think so, with the way they were laughing. But Kagome swore she had heard a note of something darker in his tone, something to suggest that his demand for them to shut up was not merely a matter of jest. Was it just a figment of her imagination? Or worse yet, were her reservations about his transformation making her hear alarming signs that weren’t really there?
Either way, her best bet was to pretend that she hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary. I just want Inuyasha to be happy, she repeated as she forced herself to join the others in laughter. She would need to hold that mantra close to her heart if she was going to make it through this ordeal with her sanity intact.
Actually going into the village was an…interesting experience. They were well used to strange looks and whispers by this point, and Kagome had lost track of the number of times she had overheard people wondering whether she was a youkai. But there was something different this time. The looks they received were less curious than they were apprehensive, less hostile than they were fearful. The most striking thing was the almost complete lack of gossip, at least within her hearing range. The village headman exchanged a few words with Miroku, his demeanor polite but strained. Although they clearly were not comfortable with the newcomers, no one spoke up about denying them room and board for the evening. Miroku’s offer of payment in the form of purification and a blessing was happily accepted, especially after it was discovered that there actually was a very weak youkai hanging around inside the headman’s home. Miroku had just pulled a sutra out of his robes when the gnarled little sprite decided to flee of its own volition, cussing them out and swearing vengeance as it departed. A few minutes later, the headman’s young daughter suddenly declared that she felt much better, having apparently suffered from a minor cold for a few weeks.
The villagers seemed more at ease with their presence after that, but still, it was cautious acceptance at best. One wrong move, and the entire settlement would either be sent fleeing for their lives or grabbing weapons. Kagome was used to suspicion, but this was really bizarre, especially when they hadn’t made any wrong moves. Everyone had been on their best behavior, including Inuyasha. The only difference between today and all of their past encounters with human settlements was that Inuyasha was a full-youkai rather than a hanyou. And why should that make a difference?
It took Kagome some time to come up with a plausible theory. From a human’s perspective, Inuyasha the hanyou had some things going for him. First and foremost, he was half-human. And even while wearing his best scowl or blustering about one thing or another, he didn’t look that scary. Oh, he tried, but all it took was an untimely twitch of his fuzzy canine ears to ruin the effect. And certain behaviors—such as getting down on all fours and sniffing the ground like a dog—could also do much to crack the façade. So as a hanyou he was an oddity, something to be regarded with suspicion and mistrust, but not necessarily with fear. That was obviously no longer the case. Inuyasha the youkai had no humanity to join him in solidarity with the villagers, even in some small way. He was an unknown, and a frightening one at that. He exuded an aura of power without even trying, a sense that he could slaughter every last one of them without even breaking a sweat if he wanted to. It was as though his barely-there smile was far scarier than any scowl he had ever adopted. In their eyes he was a cold-blooded killer, a monster in humanoid form.
Kagome was getting really tired of drawing comparisons between Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru. But Inuyasha seemed more like his half-brother all the time! Each day she felt like he drifted further away from her. What was she going to do?! Fighting back sudden panic, she remembered the other night, which they had spent sitting together and talking well into the early hours of the morning. She had known him then, without a doubt. And if she took a moment to search her heart, she was sure she still knew him now. No matter what exterior changes took place, if he was still the Inuyasha she loved on the inside, then they would be okay.
An observation which was confirmed when their would-be opponents arrived. They were, for lack of a better term, tree-youkai. Hulking, slow-moving, and only a few meters tall at most, they were not exactly the most intimidating youkai the Inu-tachi had ever faced. Quite the opposite in fact. And the familiar little sprite riding on one of their shoulders completely ruined whatever tough façade they were trying to put on.
“There they are! They’re the ones who kicked me out of the village! Let’s get ‘em!”
“Tear off their limbs,” one of the larger youkai declared.
“Grind their bones to sap,” another echoed. The third let loose an inhuman groan-growl that was apparently supposed to be menacing, but just sounded kind of pathetic.
Sighing in relief, Kagome shouldered her bow and returned her arrow to the quiver. Her weapons would not be needed in this fight, if one could even call it that. A few well-placed punches from Inuyasha would send these idiots lurching for the hills and put a swift end to this farce. Sango and Miroku relaxed as well, content to let their pugilistic companion handle this, though they remained armed just in case they were needed. So they were all shocked when, rather than simply beating the enemy into submission, Inuyasha attacked with claws bared. The first tree-youkai died before it knew what hit it, sliced into kindling by the most powerful Sankon Tetsusou that Kagome had ever seen.
She gasped in equal parts surprise and horror. “Inuyasha! What are you—”
But it was too late. By the time she would have finished her sentence, the other two tree-youkai were dead. The little sprite barely escaped evisceration, screaming in terror as it leapt into the trees, using the forest to make its escape. Or so it thought. Inuyasha set off in pursuit of the fleeing youkai, quickly vanishing from sight.
Light returned to the roadway as the trees overhead stopped blocking the sun’s rays. The air remained heavy, however, as the entire forest seemed to mourn the pitiful creatures lying in pieces on the leaf-covered ground. Kagome shared a look with her friends, each of them having come to an identical conclusion. This was bad. Inuyasha had done something which he normally would never do, and no one was comfortable with it. And this time, Kagome knew she wasn’t imagining things.
An hour passed before Inuyasha returned, panting slightly but still grinning victoriously.
“Heh, little bastard was quick, but I finally got it.”
“So you…killed it?” Kagome asked, choosing her words carefully. She tried to keep her tone neutral, but Inuyasha must have sensed that something was amiss.
“Yeah, I did,” he declared, eyes narrowing slightly. “Is that a problem?”
“It’s a surprise,” Sango interjected when Kagome hesitated with her response. “Tactically speaking, none of us thought the use of lethal force was neces—”
“It was necessary, taijiya,” Inuyasha interrupted, leaning forward and gesturing wildly with his hands, his entire demeanor exuding aggression. “That little shit was making the girl sick, remember? ‘Tear off their limbs.’ ‘Grind their bones to sap.’ Remember that?”
“Yes, but—”
“But nothing. You lot want to assume they weren’t dangerous. I say making assumptions is stupid. They attacked the villagers, and they attacked us. Enough said.”
With that, he stomped off in their previous direction of travel, leaving the rest of them to stare at each other in silence. Eventually they followed him, none of them knowing what to say. As much as she disagreed with Inuyasha’s decision, Kagome couldn’t say that his logic was flawed. The tree-youkai had shown the capacity and willingness to harm humans, even if said harm was minor by any standard of measure. The larger individuals were certainly strong enough to kill the villagers if they so desired. She didn’t think they harbored any such desires, but she didn’t know for sure. Inuyasha’s justification of self-defense was pretty weak, but his justification of protecting the villagers had some legs to stand on.
Still, this entire episode left a sour taste in Kagome’s mouth. She believed in slaying youkai in genuine self-defense, or when they posed a clear threat to the innocent. The tree-youkai had, in all likelihood, satisfied neither element of that philosophy. Just because they couldn’t be absolutely sure that the tree-youkai wouldn’t go and attack the village, didn’t mean that Inuyasha was vindicated in slaughtering them. If that were true, then one could justify slaying just about any youkai. Ultimately, there had to be a level of proportionality in their response to any threat, and Inuyasha’s response struck her as neither proportional nor morally right.
But what could she do? He had been so quick to become defensive, practically shoving his rationalization down their throats and ignoring their objections. Speaking to him about it now, or even later today, was likely to be counterproductive. For now, she sensed that Sango and Miroku were content to stick with their ‘wait and see’ approach with Inuyasha. But if he continued to exhibit behaviors like this, then they were going to need to have a serious conversation. She really hoped it didn’t come to that, but she had a sinking feeling that hope would go unfulfilled.
Clearly this wasn’t as simple as ‘just wanting Inuyasha to be happy.’ Not when for all of his lofty justifications, she couldn’t shake the sense that Inuyasha had slaughtered the tree-youkai and hunted down the little sprite because he enjoyed it. And that was a truly terrifying thought.
Side Effects
Kagome sighed for at least the dozenth time that morning, as she trudged along after her companions. Although, ‘trudged’ probably wasn’t the right word to describe their walking speed; ‘marched’ would be a more appropriate adjective. Fueled by his ridiculously good mood, Inuyasha seemed to be floating on air at the head of the group, leading them at a far quicker pace than he usually did, at least when they had no particular destination in mind.
And there was the rub. The very thing which made Inuyasha so happy caused her only worry and dread. And that, in turn, made her feel incredibly guilty. Her shoulders sagged under the weight of remorse, and she wished she could just shake herself and magically be at peace with this. But unfortunately, it wasn’t so easy to change how she felt, not when this seemed so wrong deep down in her bones.
She sighed again, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Fatigue was another constant burden. They had returned to the village, vowing to wait one night to see if the creature which had been harassing the settlement returned. When it did not, they could be reasonably certain that the hamster had been the culprit all along. She might have been able to get some sleep if Inuyasha had joined them, but instead the hanyou—no, the youkai—had spent the entire evening out in the forest familiarizing himself with his new form. While this undoubtedly served some practical purpose—learning new abilities, for example—Kagome also thought that he had simply been having fun. She could see the appeal of being able to leap higher or run faster than ever before, or sense the world around him more clearly. But his absence, combined with her own dark thoughts, had assured her a long and restless night.
Up ahead, Inuyasha stretched his arms above him, tilting his head back for a moment to allow the sun to cast its warm rays upon his face. Kagome felt her brow furrow in irritation. How could he be so happy about this? Didn’t her opinion of him matter at all? She didn’t want him to enjoy being a full-youkai, or regard no longer being a hanyou as the single greatest thing which had ever happened to him. His unbridled enthusiasm on both of these subjects revealed some very ugly truths which she was having difficulty in facing. She had fallen for him as a hanyou. She loved him exactly the way he was, before he had become something else. Even if Inuyasha had not comprehended the full extent of her feelings, he must surely have been aware of her unconditional acceptance, that she was his friend neither due to nor in spite of his hanyou heritage. It simply didn’t matter to her. So why…why wasn’t that enough to make him happy? Why hadn’t her acceptance been enough to let him forget his old desire to become a full-youkai? Even if he believed it to be merely platonic, why couldn’t her love make him whole?
Perhaps that was what hurt the most, the idea that she had failed him somehow. That despite her unwavering support, she would never have been able to fully heal the void in his soul. That he would have always harbored this deep desire to change himself, no matter where life took him. Learning of her own inadequacy in this regard was the single biggest disappointment of her entire life.
She sniffled once, blinking back tears. She had cried a little bit last night, but didn’t want to shed tears in his presence. Whether he was aware that something was bothering her, or he was too distracted by his own elation to notice, he hadn’t said anything to her about it. She hoped to keep it that way. The last thing she wanted right now was a confrontation. Fighting with him without first having dealt with her own issues would only lead to disaster.
Selfishness was the chief demon, a giant ogre rampaging around inside her head. And she hated herself for it. She had always told herself that she just wanted Inuyasha to be happy. If this made him happy, and there truly were no negative side effects, then how could she wish for him to change back and still look at herself the same way in the mirror? Did her reservations mean that her professed selflessness was just an illusion? Did they…make her the same as Kikyou? She had always considered her love to be unconditional, and therefore different from what Kikyou felt for Inuyasha. But what if her feelings were actually just as fatally flawed as the undead miko’s? Was she really just a giant fraud? Could she even consider herself Inuyasha’s friend?
These questions and the uncertainty of their answers frightened Kagome to her very core. If Inuyasha knew the terrible thoughts which plagued her, she was fairly certain he would never look at her the same way again. Perhaps he believed that she, like the others, was simply concerned over the possibility of negative side effects. If so, she vowed to do nothing to dispel that belief. Hopefully she would be able to make peace with her actual demons before he began to suspect the truth. If not…she didn’t want to think about it.
Nevertheless, her misery-addled mind began to turn down the road to worst-case scenarios, a route which it had already traveled several times. She was saved from completing this figurative journey by a badly-placed rock in the middle of the real-world path on which her physical body actually walked.
“Oof!” she grunted, stumbling and barely managing to prevent herself from falling face-first into the dirt. She tried to resume walking immediately, but swayed dizzily for a moment and was forced to stop. Leaning down with her hands on her knees, she comprehended her shortness of breath for the first time. Why am I panting? Were we really walking that fast?
“Are you all right, Kagome-chan?”
She looked up to see Sango, Miroku, Kirara and Shippou gazing back at her in concern. The kitsune had taken to riding on Miroku’s shoulder this morning, the fire-cat with Sango. The monk and taijiya were undoubtedly in better physical shape than she was, but she was gratified to see the fine sheen of sweat on their brows, even if they weren’t really out of breath. Sango shot Miroku a meaningful look, and he nodded, immediately jogging after Inuyasha while calling his name.
“Sorry, Kagome-chan, I didn’t realize we were walking so fast.”
“It’s all right, Sango-chan,” she replied, straightening up. “We’re all a little distracted this morning, ne?”
Sango grinned. “Yeah, especially a certain someone who, now that you mention it, has been skipping along like a little girl all morning.”
Kagome chuckled at this, despite her melancholy. Then both women turned their attention to the two males up ahead, between whom an argument was developing.
“So what the hell is the problem?”
“As I just stated, the problem is that you are walking too fast.”
“Bullshit,” Inuyasha snapped, obstinately crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m not walking any faster than I usually do.”
“Oh, really? Do we usually march to the point of Kagome-sama nearly collapsing?”
Inuyasha looked at her for the first time, giving her a quick once-over. For a moment his eyes held genuine concern, but then his expression hardened, and she knew the next words out of his mouth were going to be hurtful. Fortunately Miroku anticipated this as well.
“Before you say anything you will regret,” he interjected, seemingly unperturbed by the nasty glare Inuyasha sent his way, “let me remind you that the three of us are only human. All we ask is to travel at the pace we usually travel. Surely that is not an unreasonable request.”
Inuyasha glanced between them, clearly wanting to argue. But he must have been caught off guard by Miroku’s impenetrable logic, and it was fairly obvious that none of them were going to be especially receptive to his continued efforts to convince them that it was all in their heads. So, with a theatrical roll of his eyes and a petulant snort, he spun back around and stomped off, albeit at a much more reasonable speed. Miroku got him to stop long enough to retrieve a water bottle from Kagome’s backpack, then very leisurely strolled back to the miko, his grin revealing the unhurried gait to be quite purposeful. Sango snickered at the pair of golden eyes boring into the back of his skull, and even Kagome smiled a bit. After thanking Miroku and satiating her thirst, Kagome handed the bottle back to him. The three of them shared the refreshment, even as their leader became more and more irritated. Finally he could contain himself no longer.
“Come on, let’s go! You slow-ass humans have rested long enough already!”
The others looked to Kagome, unwilling to proceed unless she was up for it. She was, so she started out at a normal walking pace, Sango and Miroku falling into step beside her. Inuyasha spun and resumed his place at the head of the group, his body language screaming of annoyance.
“We’ll stop for lunch in a little bit,” the taijiya whispered conspiratorially in her ear, though evidently not quietly enough to escape detection by hypersensitive ears. Inuyasha threw his head back and let loose a loud groan that quickly morphed into an irritated growl. He then took to muttering under his breath, though fortunately none of them could make out the words.
Shippou hopped onto Kagome’s shoulder, his presence enough to make her smile. Her friends might not understand what was going on inside her head, but their support meant the world to her. She wasn’t alone in learning how to deal with a full-youkai Inuyasha. As she had told Shippou yesterday, they would figure it out together.
* * *
Lunch was uneventful, aside from some further griping and general
surliness on Inuyasha’s part. But they were well used
to his mood swings, and his frustration over their human
limitations was nothing new, even if it had never been quite so
pronounced before. Within an hour after their meal, however,
they found themselves marching along at nearly the same pace which
they had objected to earlier. The increase in speed had been
gradual, and perhaps Inuyasha hadn’t even realized he was
doing it. Regardless, one of the ‘slow-ass
humans’ had finally had enough. “Okay, that’s it,” Sango snapped, grabbing Miroku’s robes and Kagome’s blouse and drawing both of them to a stop. She then led them forward at a normal walking speed. Everyone could see that Inuyasha would rapidly outpace them, but the monk and miko were content to let their taijiya companion handle the fallout. Everyone in the group knew not to cross Sango when she was angry. Apparently even Inuyasha. Instead of yelling at them when he realized that they were no longer keeping up with him, he took one look at the taijiya and rolled his eyes, pouting like a child.
“What, am I walking too fast again?” Somehow his attempted sarcasm didn’t have much bite to it, and Sango for one was not impressed.
“We are going to walk at our own pace from now on, Inuyasha,” she stated firmly. “You are welcome to join us or scout ahead.”
Kagome mentally praised Sango for giving Inuyasha an ‘out.’ Even though he didn’t usually ‘scout ahead,’ the option to save face might help to defuse the situation. Evidently it worked.
“Keh,” Inuyasha snorted, once again taking to muttering under his breath as he walked away. But that was much preferable to a fight, as far as his friends were concerned.
They didn’t see any sign of him until that evening, after they had set up camp. Kagome was busy preparing some modern food from her backpack when she sensed his aura up in the trees. Pretending not to notice, she nevertheless set two cups of ramen in the empty spot next to her, figuring that the message of ‘I’ll make these for you when you’re ready to come down’ was quite clear.
He did come down eventually, after the others had turned in for the night. Kagome was falling asleep where she knelt by that point, but perked up immediately as he settled down beside her. He wordlessly handed her the cups of ramen, and she just as wordlessly prepared them for him. For several minutes, the only sounds to be heard were the crackling of the fire and the quiet slurping of mass-produced noodles. They continued to sit together in silence after Inuyasha had finished eating. Kagome felt his eyes on her, but didn’t react, instead waiting for him to speak.
“You okay, wench?” he finally asked, feigning nonchalance. His words were not especially kind, but she searched his eyes and found genuine remorse, so she nodded and smiled. Much to her delight, this made him blush handsomely and he glanced away in embarrassment, while simultaneously shifting his body closer to hers. She took this as the invitation it was and leaned against his side, heaving a huge sigh of relief. After today, any interaction which struck her as ‘normal’ was most welcome. She could almost believe that this was still the Inuyasha she loved, and that he hadn’t changed one bit as a result of his transformation.
Almost.
* * *
Kagome was astounded to wake up the following morning and find the
sun already well on its way to its apex. Evidently Inuyasha
had decided to let her sleep in, likely due to her lingering
fatigue and the fact that she had stayed up almost half the night
with him. While this change in attitude was surprising to
everyone, it was most encouraging, as was the fact that he
apparently had no issues walking with them today at a normal pace.
Perhaps his odd behavior yesterday really was a one-time
thing? For the first time, genuine optimism began to work its
way into Kagome’s consciousness. Things were finally
looking up. It was such a pleasant day, that the sun had nearly set before Kagome realized something they all should have remembered hours earlier.
“Oh, Kami! Inuyasha! Why didn’t you say something?”
“What is it Kagome-chan?”
“Tonight’s the new moon!”
Sango gasped. “You’re right! We’d better find a safe place to—”
Low, almost sinister chuckling interrupted her, as all eyes turned to find Inuyasha smirking in nearly maniacal fashion.
“I was wondering when you lot would remember the new moon. But you don’t have to worry. My youki hasn’t weakened all day. I’m looking forward to sundown!”
Kagome could understand why. She supposed they had all fallen into the old habit of worrying about the new moon, but Inuyasha was probably right in saying that they didn’t have any reason to be concerned. Tonight was likely the truest test of his transformation, of whether he really had become a full-youkai. It was no surprise that he was excited by the prospect.
For good reason, as it turned out. Everyone observed in silence as the sun slipped below the horizon, leaving a moonless sky above. For the first time in his life, Inuyasha was able to look upon that sky without losing half of himself. Kagome thought the shade of his eyes might have darkened slightly, but there was no other change, and even that was probably just her imagination. One could argue that he had already lost half of himself when he surrendered his human side, but judging by his cry of jubilation, Inuyasha clearly believed that gaining another ‘half’ of youkai more than made up for the loss.
“Yes! Fuck you, new moon! You got nothin’ on me, you stupid whore!”
“Did he just call the moon a whore?” Sango asked, shaking her head.
“A ‘stupid whore,’ I believe,” Miroku replied with an amused chuckle.
“Well, it’s nice to know that whatever transformations Inuyasha has undergone, his level of maturity hasn’t changed one bit.”
Kagome grinned at the joke, as did everyone else, and was just about to add something in equally good humor when Inuyasha’s voice reached them.
“Oi! Shut up over there!”
Kagome turned to stare at him, her eyes widening slightly. His lips were quirked and one of his oversized fangs poked out, which along with the way he was comically shaking his fist in the air, indicated that he was joking as well. Their friends certainly seemed to think so, with the way they were laughing. But Kagome swore she had heard a note of something darker in his tone, something to suggest that his demand for them to shut up was not merely a matter of jest. Was it just a figment of her imagination? Or worse yet, were her reservations about his transformation making her hear alarming signs that weren’t really there?
Either way, her best bet was to pretend that she hadn’t noticed anything out of the ordinary. I just want Inuyasha to be happy, she repeated as she forced herself to join the others in laughter. She would need to hold that mantra close to her heart if she was going to make it through this ordeal with her sanity intact.
* * *
They didn’t see much of Inuyasha that night, as he spent
another evening running around and working off his seemingly
boundless energy. But Kagome was at least able to get some
sleep this time, so she wasn’t dragging her feet on the
ground come morning. Inuyasha’s phenomenal mood from
the day before had carried over as well, so he didn’t even
complain too much when they came across a small village around
mid-afternoon and decided to see if the inhabitants would let them
stay the night. Actually going into the village was an…interesting experience. They were well used to strange looks and whispers by this point, and Kagome had lost track of the number of times she had overheard people wondering whether she was a youkai. But there was something different this time. The looks they received were less curious than they were apprehensive, less hostile than they were fearful. The most striking thing was the almost complete lack of gossip, at least within her hearing range. The village headman exchanged a few words with Miroku, his demeanor polite but strained. Although they clearly were not comfortable with the newcomers, no one spoke up about denying them room and board for the evening. Miroku’s offer of payment in the form of purification and a blessing was happily accepted, especially after it was discovered that there actually was a very weak youkai hanging around inside the headman’s home. Miroku had just pulled a sutra out of his robes when the gnarled little sprite decided to flee of its own volition, cussing them out and swearing vengeance as it departed. A few minutes later, the headman’s young daughter suddenly declared that she felt much better, having apparently suffered from a minor cold for a few weeks.
The villagers seemed more at ease with their presence after that, but still, it was cautious acceptance at best. One wrong move, and the entire settlement would either be sent fleeing for their lives or grabbing weapons. Kagome was used to suspicion, but this was really bizarre, especially when they hadn’t made any wrong moves. Everyone had been on their best behavior, including Inuyasha. The only difference between today and all of their past encounters with human settlements was that Inuyasha was a full-youkai rather than a hanyou. And why should that make a difference?
It took Kagome some time to come up with a plausible theory. From a human’s perspective, Inuyasha the hanyou had some things going for him. First and foremost, he was half-human. And even while wearing his best scowl or blustering about one thing or another, he didn’t look that scary. Oh, he tried, but all it took was an untimely twitch of his fuzzy canine ears to ruin the effect. And certain behaviors—such as getting down on all fours and sniffing the ground like a dog—could also do much to crack the façade. So as a hanyou he was an oddity, something to be regarded with suspicion and mistrust, but not necessarily with fear. That was obviously no longer the case. Inuyasha the youkai had no humanity to join him in solidarity with the villagers, even in some small way. He was an unknown, and a frightening one at that. He exuded an aura of power without even trying, a sense that he could slaughter every last one of them without even breaking a sweat if he wanted to. It was as though his barely-there smile was far scarier than any scowl he had ever adopted. In their eyes he was a cold-blooded killer, a monster in humanoid form.
Kagome was getting really tired of drawing comparisons between Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru. But Inuyasha seemed more like his half-brother all the time! Each day she felt like he drifted further away from her. What was she going to do?! Fighting back sudden panic, she remembered the other night, which they had spent sitting together and talking well into the early hours of the morning. She had known him then, without a doubt. And if she took a moment to search her heart, she was sure she still knew him now. No matter what exterior changes took place, if he was still the Inuyasha she loved on the inside, then they would be okay.
* * *
They were making their way along a road running through an old
growth forest the following day, when suddenly the sky darkened.
Or to be more accurate, the trees shifted above them,
blocking out most of the sun’s rays. The air became
heavy, permeated with the aura of youki. But though the
Inu-tachi armed themselves and would certainly take the threat
seriously, the approaching youki did not feel truly formidable.
An observation which was confirmed when their would-be opponents arrived. They were, for lack of a better term, tree-youkai. Hulking, slow-moving, and only a few meters tall at most, they were not exactly the most intimidating youkai the Inu-tachi had ever faced. Quite the opposite in fact. And the familiar little sprite riding on one of their shoulders completely ruined whatever tough façade they were trying to put on.
“There they are! They’re the ones who kicked me out of the village! Let’s get ‘em!”
“Tear off their limbs,” one of the larger youkai declared.
“Grind their bones to sap,” another echoed. The third let loose an inhuman groan-growl that was apparently supposed to be menacing, but just sounded kind of pathetic.
Sighing in relief, Kagome shouldered her bow and returned her arrow to the quiver. Her weapons would not be needed in this fight, if one could even call it that. A few well-placed punches from Inuyasha would send these idiots lurching for the hills and put a swift end to this farce. Sango and Miroku relaxed as well, content to let their pugilistic companion handle this, though they remained armed just in case they were needed. So they were all shocked when, rather than simply beating the enemy into submission, Inuyasha attacked with claws bared. The first tree-youkai died before it knew what hit it, sliced into kindling by the most powerful Sankon Tetsusou that Kagome had ever seen.
She gasped in equal parts surprise and horror. “Inuyasha! What are you—”
But it was too late. By the time she would have finished her sentence, the other two tree-youkai were dead. The little sprite barely escaped evisceration, screaming in terror as it leapt into the trees, using the forest to make its escape. Or so it thought. Inuyasha set off in pursuit of the fleeing youkai, quickly vanishing from sight.
Light returned to the roadway as the trees overhead stopped blocking the sun’s rays. The air remained heavy, however, as the entire forest seemed to mourn the pitiful creatures lying in pieces on the leaf-covered ground. Kagome shared a look with her friends, each of them having come to an identical conclusion. This was bad. Inuyasha had done something which he normally would never do, and no one was comfortable with it. And this time, Kagome knew she wasn’t imagining things.
An hour passed before Inuyasha returned, panting slightly but still grinning victoriously.
“Heh, little bastard was quick, but I finally got it.”
“So you…killed it?” Kagome asked, choosing her words carefully. She tried to keep her tone neutral, but Inuyasha must have sensed that something was amiss.
“Yeah, I did,” he declared, eyes narrowing slightly. “Is that a problem?”
“It’s a surprise,” Sango interjected when Kagome hesitated with her response. “Tactically speaking, none of us thought the use of lethal force was neces—”
“It was necessary, taijiya,” Inuyasha interrupted, leaning forward and gesturing wildly with his hands, his entire demeanor exuding aggression. “That little shit was making the girl sick, remember? ‘Tear off their limbs.’ ‘Grind their bones to sap.’ Remember that?”
“Yes, but—”
“But nothing. You lot want to assume they weren’t dangerous. I say making assumptions is stupid. They attacked the villagers, and they attacked us. Enough said.”
With that, he stomped off in their previous direction of travel, leaving the rest of them to stare at each other in silence. Eventually they followed him, none of them knowing what to say. As much as she disagreed with Inuyasha’s decision, Kagome couldn’t say that his logic was flawed. The tree-youkai had shown the capacity and willingness to harm humans, even if said harm was minor by any standard of measure. The larger individuals were certainly strong enough to kill the villagers if they so desired. She didn’t think they harbored any such desires, but she didn’t know for sure. Inuyasha’s justification of self-defense was pretty weak, but his justification of protecting the villagers had some legs to stand on.
Still, this entire episode left a sour taste in Kagome’s mouth. She believed in slaying youkai in genuine self-defense, or when they posed a clear threat to the innocent. The tree-youkai had, in all likelihood, satisfied neither element of that philosophy. Just because they couldn’t be absolutely sure that the tree-youkai wouldn’t go and attack the village, didn’t mean that Inuyasha was vindicated in slaughtering them. If that were true, then one could justify slaying just about any youkai. Ultimately, there had to be a level of proportionality in their response to any threat, and Inuyasha’s response struck her as neither proportional nor morally right.
But what could she do? He had been so quick to become defensive, practically shoving his rationalization down their throats and ignoring their objections. Speaking to him about it now, or even later today, was likely to be counterproductive. For now, she sensed that Sango and Miroku were content to stick with their ‘wait and see’ approach with Inuyasha. But if he continued to exhibit behaviors like this, then they were going to need to have a serious conversation. She really hoped it didn’t come to that, but she had a sinking feeling that hope would go unfulfilled.
Clearly this wasn’t as simple as ‘just wanting Inuyasha to be happy.’ Not when for all of his lofty justifications, she couldn’t shake the sense that Inuyasha had slaughtered the tree-youkai and hunted down the little sprite because he enjoyed it. And that was a truly terrifying thought.