InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Side Effects ❯ Desires of the Heart ( Chapter 8 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: King Baka 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 04.24.2017 | Pages: 14 | Words: 9.8K | Visits: 1.1K | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Divergence | Uploaded On: 04.24.2017 | Pages: 14 | Words: 9.8K | Visits: 1.1K | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha. I will make no
money from this fic; I write for my own enjoyment and the enjoyment
of my readers.
Desires of the Heart
Inuyasha gazed toward the eastern sky, which was just beginning to lighten with the first signs of the approaching dawn. He had dozed fitfully during the night, more due to fatigue than an actual desire to sleep. Now he was more or less fully awake, and fully intent on remaining that way. There was no guarantee that his youkai side would return at sunrise as it usually did, but he could not help but regard the break of day as some momentous event, when his life would irreversibly turn down one of two very different paths. The first led toward a bright future, toward Kagome’s arms and all of the dreams which he now knew they shared together. The other…
Kagome stirred, whimpering in her sleep, and he pulled her closer against his chest. She settled down then, but her expression remained troubled. No doubt her dreams were haunted by the same phantoms which cast their shadows over his waking moments. There was no escaping it, what was about to happen. Normally the inevitability of a fight would only embolden him, harden his resolve. But this wasn’t an enemy he could slay. When his youkai side returned, it would renew the civil war within him, and spark a conflict which might very well tear him apart. His heart would be fighting against his very nature, made stronger by his own foolish choices. He had given in to lingering weakness and surrendered to a desire of the past, ignoring what had been right in front of him all along. That was the most frightening thing about this, he realized. He had never gone into battle with so clear an understanding of what he stood to lose.
The idea of it tore at him, the thought that this might be the last time he held her. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, savoring the feeling of her raven locks against his skin. Part of him wanted to wake her, to kiss her until both of them forgot the approaching cataclysm. But she had been through enough. Let her sleep, baka. Let her sleep.
He shifted slightly, so the baggy folds of his hakama better shielded her bare legs from the cool breeze. He had done his best to keep her warm, once their passion subsided. His suikan covered most of her frame, and he had kept his arms around her as well, the sleeves of his hadagi providing another layer of protection. She hadn’t shivered at all, so he must have done well enough. It wasn’t really that cold out, aside from the wind. If it had been, he was sure Kirara would have transformed into her larger form and let them rest against her body. Thinking of the fire-cat gave him an idea, and after a few moments of debate, he decided it was a good one.
“Kirara!” he whispered, just loudly enough for the sensitive-eared feline to hear him. The leaves of the tree above them rustled softly in response, as she leapt to the ground and gazed up at him quizzically.
“I need you to do something for me,” he told her, hoping she would understand. “When my youkai side comes back, I need you to drop Kagome into the well. She can’t be here. I…I need to know that she’s safe.”
Kirara stared at him, then mewed, the vocalization sounding like assent. Then she leapt onto his leg and nudged his arm with her nose, as if to say ‘you wake me up and ask me to do something, now you have to pet me.’ Inuyasha grinned wryly but nevertheless began to scratch her in the manner he knew she liked. I wonder if she really understood me, he pondered as she started purring. He was almost positive, sure enough so that it really served no purpose to continue worrying about it. Kirara had proven herself far more intelligent than her feline mannerisms would lead one to believe. She would do as he asked. Whether Kagome would cooperate…well, that was another matter entirely. But the alternative was far worse. He could try to put Kagome to bed in her own time right now, but in his human form there was no way he could carry her out of the well without waking her. His movements would never be smooth enough; she wasn’t heavy, but she was much heavier to him now. And when she did wake up and realize what he was doing, she would resist, tell him she wanted to stay by his side and support him in any way she could. The result would be a huge fight, and he couldn’t stomach the thought of separating from her on those terms.
So although doing things the underhanded way made him feel a little guilty, it was undoubtedly the best of a set of bad options. With any luck, Kagome wouldn’t be able to gather her bearings and return through the portal before the battle within him had been decided. And if he lost that battle, then hopefully his victorious youkai side would be satisfied with only destroying the well behind her. His arms tightened around her reflexively, drawing a small sigh from her. It was a sound which he wouldn’t mind hearing every day for the rest of their lives. His eyes narrowed in determination. If he knew one thing for sure, it was this: if he lost himself today, it would not be due to weakness of will or of heart. Thanks to the girl in his arms, he possessed both in abundant supply.
But would it be enough? Only time would tell. His current humanity was one encouraging sign. It told him that he had never actually become a true full-youkai, though he had certainly moved closer to that end of the spectrum. He would never be able to specify the exact ratio, but it had been very close. Close enough to allow him to transform like his half-brother, though even then the signs had been there, in the form of his smaller size and imperfect physical appearance. At the time he had interpreted those as consequences of his own inexperience, but now he realized that they likely meant something else entirely.
Clearly the foreign youki was suppressing his humanity. So it stood to reason that if he could drive out the foreign youki, his humanity would recover and he would become a hanyou again, thereby allowing him to regain control of his mind along with all of the power and abilities he had come to cherish. It was not a completely novel situation. He had been strong enough to regain control of his own rampant youkai side during the battle against Ryuukotsusei. The only difference was that here he would be fighting against both his own youkai side and the foreign youki…or his own youkai side as it was bolstered by the foreign youki. He wasn’t sure exactly how that worked, whether they were separate entities or had combined into one. In the latter case, he would need to separate them and drive only the invader out. A daunting proposition, but as he’d told Kagome, he had to try. His hand drifted subconsciously down to Tetsusaiga, grasping the hilt tightly. His beloved sword had gone dormant as his behavior grew more extreme, and would not respond to him now due to his humanity. But he prayed that it would somehow be able to help him weather the coming storm. He needed all the help he could get.
Logically, it would be best if that storm struck soon, before Kagome woke. But part of him dreaded the cessation of these peaceful moments, inevitable though it might be, and wished that the day would never come. But the eastern sky continued to lighten as sun approached ever closer, its inexorable march both unrelenting and unforgiving. He found himself growing almost angry at the sun, for daring to intrude upon his paradise. His heartbeat quickened, his body preparing itself for a fight. Logically, he knew the struggle would not be physical in nature, but he didn’t bother trying to calm down. It seemed natural to ready for battle in this way, to feel heated blood rushing through his veins. His elevated breathing was a comfort, and he embraced the excitement, along with the steely resolve which came with it. Everything he had survived so far, every cruelty or attempt on his life, had prepared him for this moment.
He would not let this dawn be his last.
Finally the sun emerged from behind the horizon, the first sliver of golden light slicing through the morning mist. And nothing happened. Damn…talk about anticlimactic. Inuyasha sighed, leaning his head back against Goshinboku. He had been ready, but of course fate couldn’t just throw him a bone once in a while. Now he had absolutely no idea when his youkai side would return. It was like having to be prepared for an attack that could come at any time. Or trying to anticipate the moment of his own execution.
He shook his head, refusing to feel sorry for himself. He had the girl he loved in his arms, they’d shared a wonderful night together, and he was going to make damn sure that he never broke her heart again. He and Kagome had the rest of their lives to look forward to. And that was all the motivation he needed to give it everything he had, and let the chips fall where they may.
Come on, you bastard…I’m ready.
“Inuyasha!” she cried, rising to her feet, only to be snatched off of them and pulled into the air by a set of jaws latching onto the back of the suikan she wore. She could feel Kirara’s nose pressing against her skin, as the fire-cat carried her off in a direction which Kagome recognized instantly. There was absolutely no doubt in her mind as to who had put their feline companion up to this. Every fiber of Kagome’s being screamed at her not to let this happen. She needed to be here with him, even if she couldn’t do anything to help. Why couldn’t Inuyasha understand that? If she allowed herself to be pulled away now, she would never forgive herself. But she couldn’t hurt Kirara, who was her friend and was only trying to protect her. That left but one option. She lifted her arms and allowed her body to slip through the suikan, hoping that the ground wasn’t too far away.
It wasn’t, though she still landed somewhat awkwardly, settling into an unbalanced crouch with a muffled grunt. But her ankles were okay, and the soles of her feet hadn’t been punctured by anything sharp, so all in all she felt pretty lucky. She wasted no time in lurching to her feet and scampering the short distance to where Inuyasha lay facing away from her, trembling severely.
“Inuyasha!” she cried, falling to her knees beside him. “Inuyasha, please!”
He gave no response to her entreaties, as his obvious suffering continued unabated. His teeth were gritted, his eyes screwed tightly shut. Then she felt the telltale rise of his aura, and she knew that the moment of truth had finally arrived.
Suddenly Kirara was by her side. She nudged her shoulder once, then again, more insistently. Kagome leaned over Inuyasha, latching onto his hadagi as though that would be enough to anchor her to him if the fire-cat had other ideas.
“Please, Kirara,” she begged, twin tears slipping down her cheeks. “I need to stay.”
The fire-cat stared at her for a long moment, then uttered a growl which sounded almost like the feline equivalent of a sigh of resignation. Then she turned her attention to Inuyasha, her keen gaze observing his every move. Kirara had obviously decided to grant her request, but if it appeared for even a moment that things were going badly, Kagome had no doubt that she would intervene. The miko muttered her thanks and turned back to the man beneath her.
Inuyasha was in absolute turmoil, his body writhing constantly, never remaining still for even the smallest iota of time. His pitiful, agonized cries tore at her heart, as his throat became hoarse from the strain. He was in terrible pain, and it quickly became apparent that he was also in mortal peril. His ears became formless, shifting to the top of his head, but any fleeting hope was crushed when they didn’t even fully form the canine ears she loved so much, and instead shifted immediately back down to the sides of his head. Kagome was dismayed, but not surprised when they formed the graceful, pointed ears of his full-fledged youkai self. At the same time, the purple markings appeared on his cheeks, jagged at first and then growing smoother, until at last they appeared nearly as regal as they had been for the last half month. All the while, his youki continued to swell, a roiling torrent ready to burst forth and destroy everything in its path. And finally Kagome was forced to confront cold, merciless reality. Inuyasha was losing.
She moved just before Kirara did, wrapping her arms around him, her face mere inches from his own. Her hand found his, grasping it tightly, her every move fueled by the most poignant desperation she had ever known.
“Inuyasha! Don’t give up!” she screamed, her voice rising to a nearly hysterical pitch. “You have to fight! You have to…come back to me. You have to…” She trailed off, the sheer chaos of her emotions finally getting the better of her. But though her vision blurred with tears, she kept her eyes open, unwilling to look away as the man she loved fought for his life.
Kagome would never know if her presence or her words actually made any difference in that moment. But within seconds, the seemingly unstoppable advancement of his youkai side abruptly ceased. He hovered on the brink, as though the tiniest push would toppled him into oblivion. But he refused to fall and, snarling and thrashing, held himself just on the right side of disaster. One of his hands drifted down to his hip, trembling uncontrollably as it fumbled at Tetsusaiga’s hilt. Quickly Kagome took his hand and guided his fingers to close around it, feeling a tiny pulse of recognition from the sword as she did so. The revelation was enough to cause the tiniest seed of hope to germinate with her. Inuyasha was still in there, still fighting.
What followed was the longest, most terrifying struggle Kagome had ever witnessed. Inuyasha’s youki ebbed and flowed, rising and receding like the tides. Dozens, hundreds of evolutions, so many that she lost count. Several more surges brought him to the edge of calamity, but he never surrendered. Even as blood trickled from between his lips, and every sound which emerged from his throat rasped from repeated abuse, he continued to struggle. Until at long last, Kagome noticed a promising development. No longer were the surges of his youki so strong as to nearly crush his resistance. No longer did the markings adorning his cheeks straighten to near perfection. They shifted in time with his youki, but always retained their ragged shape, until finally they began to fade away. His ears lost their form once more, becoming nothing more than amorphous masses which drifted between the sides and top of his head, gradually shifting more towards the latter. Through it all, he never released her hand.
She once again feared the worst when a dark, malevolent aura began to emanate from him. But she quickly realized that the evil presence was radiating outward, and did not seem to penetrate deeper than his skin. To the contrary, it was almost as though it was being driven out. She summoned her spiritual energy but hesitated, unsure whether her interference would aid Inuyasha or hamper his efforts. Then she noticed that the foreign youki was dissipating on its own, unable to maintain its cohesion. It blew away bit by bit, like ash on the breeze.
It seemed an eternity before Inuyasha’s struggles finally ceased, his growls and cries winding down to heavy breathing. His ears stood proudly atop his head now, covered in fine white fur. By then the evil aura had vanished completely, and his own aura felt the same as Kagome remembered, formidable yet gentle, a perfect representation of great power tempered by a loving heart. Hope blossomed within her, every rise and fall of his chest a balm to her soul. But she had to be sure. She would not allow herself to rejoice until she saw his eyes, and confirmed that they were the same golden orbs which she had fallen in love with so long ago.
A squeeze of his hand did not wake him, nor did a light kiss on his cheek, though the latter did cause him to stir. His ears twitched atop his head, drawing her gaze. She felt an almost irrepressible desire to touch them, to reacquaint herself with this part of his anatomy which most clearly marked him as an outcast, labeled him as neither human nor youkai, but something in between. Perhaps now he would finally allow her to show him how much she loved them, and everything they stood for.
His ear flicked away at the first tentative touch of her finger, but the motion seemed to be merely one of surprise, and did not repeat itself when she tried again. A low, contented rumble welled in his chest as she caressed the sensitive appendage, marveling at the softness of his fur. His ears had probably never been touched like this, she reflected, at least not since his mother’s death. Sure, she and even her own mother had touched them before, and not cruelly by any means, but not like this. She was loving his ears now, in a different way from which she had loved his body last night, but with the same passion. She wished she had both hands free, but he hadn’t released her other one yet, so instead she brought her lips to bear and began planting feather-light kisses to his ear, her hand shifting to massage the other one. Immediately the steady rumble in his chest faltered, before stopping altogether a few moments later. Kagome leaned back enough to glimpse his face, the sight of which forced her to blink back tears as she managed a watery smile.
There they were. Those golden eyes she knew so well, those bright orbs which could glow with so many different emotions, and when his walls dropped could even serve as portals to his soul. Now they were clouded with confusion, which quickly turned to understanding and surprise.
“I’m…I’m back,” he muttered subconsciously, as though he couldn’t believe his own words.
“You are,” she confirmed, a few rogue tears flowing forth. Inuyasha frowned, reaching up with his free hand to wipe them away. He flushed in embarrassment once he realized what he was doing, as though removing her tears had been an almost instinctive response. But his hand lingered there, not touching her skin, the raven strands of her hair caressing the backs of his fingers.
“And you…stayed with me all this time?” he asked, humility and gratitude dancing in his eyes, along with something else which she had been able to identify for the first time last night, in the dark orbs of his humanity. Now she recognized it easily, and she was sure her own eyes reflected it right back at him.
“All this time?” she repeated, puzzled by his question. She glanced over at the position of the sun, noting that it was still much closer to the horizon than it was to its apex. Confusion dominated his expression for a few moments, before understanding finally dawned.
“Is it really…still that same morning?” he asked, his voice conveying exhaustion.
Kagome nodded, her heart going out to him. What had probably been minutes for her must have seemed like hours or even days to him, as he struggled within his own private hell. He shook his head, his disbelief deepening as his eyes began to take on a haunted look. She squeezed his hand, drawing his attention back to her smiling countenance. The fleeting shadows left him, and he squeezed back, his lips quirking upwards as well.
“I’m really back.”
This time it was not a question, but a declaration, one which carried with it far more meaning than those three words could ever hope to convey. Everything they had shared, everything they had dreamed of last night—all of it was within their grasp. Inuyasha had finally conquered the desires of his past, and could now look forward to the future, with her. His gaze drifted to her lips, lingering there briefly before he glanced away, blushing in embarrassment. Kagome resisted the urge to roll her eyes, and instead leaned into his hand. The look in her eyes and her wry smile must have told him all he needed to know, for in the next moment he was leaning toward her, his expression nervous yet hopeful. She met him halfway, uniting in a kiss which was so similar to their first true kiss the previous evening, their emotions swirling around them, creating a cocoon of unparalleled warmth, where their hearts were laid bare. They cherished each other, affirmed their reason for existence, in defiance of fate or any other cosmic force which might try to tear them apart again. It was never going to happen. If being together was not their destiny, then they would simply rewrite destiny. At long last, they had discovered what had eluded them for so long. And they would never let go of it, or of each other.
It was some time before they separated, leaning their foreheads together as their eyes locked, glowing with unbridled happiness. Finally pragmatism set in, and they turned their attention to the outside world which they had both tuned out for so long. Inuyasha rose into a sitting position, checking their surroundings with all of his senses. He apparently didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, but when he turned to look back at Kagome, he froze with a strangled gasp, his eyes going wide as they drifted decidedly lower than her chin. A glance down at herself informed her of the reason for his odd reaction.
“Eep!” she squeaked, her hands shooting up to cover her chest as both of their faces flamed. She had been so concerned about Inuyasha’s well-being that she hadn’t even noticed her own nakedness, having not been wearing anything under the suikan which she had slipped out of earlier.
“Put some clothes on, wench,” he muttered as he slapped a hand over his eyes with exaggerated flare, his amusement obvious. She glowered at him, quickly deciding that this was his fault, since he had asked Kirara to drop her into the well in the first place. But she couldn’t stay mad at him, not when the sound of his soft chuckling was so pleasant to her ears, and his mirth so contagious. It also helped when Kirara dropped the discarded suikan over her shoulders, allowing her to feel comfortable once more. She joined him in laughter, feeling the last of the tension leave her body.
“You know,” she told him after their mirth had subsided, “you really shouldn’t have asked Kirara to send me home.”
Her tone was somewhat scolding, and he opened his mouth, probably to deny that his decision was unwise. But he seemed to think better of it, and after some inner dialogue, he nodded in acquiescence.
“Yeah…you’re probably right.”
Kagome blinked, then reached up and held her hand to his forehead.
“What are you doing?”
“You said I was right, so I’m checking for a fever,” she teased.
“Keh! I ain’t sick, wench. I always tell you when you’re right,” he declared petulantly, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s not my fault you’re not right very often.”
Kagome giggled, somehow delighted to see the childish side of Inuyasha once more. That part of him had been conspicuously absent during the period of his transformation, innocence and immaturity replaced by aggression. It was a welcome change, especially when he grinned sheepishly and shrugged, a silent confirmation that he was just joking around. Kagome wouldn’t mind seeing more of that as well, and given the turn their relationship had taken, she wouldn’t be surprised if she did. She had, quite simply, never seen Inuyasha this happy before.
While their mutual joy did not wear off, their amusement did. And when that happened, awkwardness set in. They stared at each other, neither knowing what to say next, the sudden silence more than a little unsettling. They glanced away from each other, Inuyasha rubbing the back of his neck, Kagome nibbling on her lower lip. But while it was uncomfortable, it wasn’t a bad kind of uncomfortable. After the insanity of Inuyasha’s life and death struggle, this was truly their ‘morning after.’ It was only natural for things to be a little awkward, especially since both of them had previously been virgins. They just needed to figure out how to return to some semblance of normalcy, given the new parameters of their relationship. That was a very detached and scientific way of looking at things, but it was true. And she could start with, as Inuyasha had suggested earlier, putting some clothes on.
“Um…let me go get dressed!”
She climbed to her feet and set about gathering her discarded clothing, then decided that she didn’t want to put any of it back on and fished a new outfit from her bag. Her blouse was basically ruined anyway, and her other garments were dirty—and not just from actual dirt, in some cases. That realization brought a rosy hue to her cheeks, and in her distraction she slipped the suikan off her shoulders, only to catch it partway down her back as she finally remembered to check that she wasn’t being watched. A glance over her shoulder revealed her concern to be legitimate; Inuyasha sat exactly where she had left him, staring unblinkingly at her, sadness and something else smoldering in his gaze. Kagome couldn’t figure out the reason for the former, but she identified the latter easily enough, as practically the entire expanse of her skin warmed in response. She waited for him to turn away, but he just continued to stare at her. Uh…is he really not going to turn around?
She had just begun to contemplate whether she should ask him to do so when he came to his senses and spun a quick one-eighty on his backside, his face flaming in mortification. Kagome sighed in relief. So he had just been…distracted. Phew. She was sure they would get to the point of being comfortable dressing and undressing in front of each other eventually, and perhaps sooner rather than later. But it was all so new, and they had enough awkwardness between them right now.
After setting a new personal record for getting dressed, she wandered over to him and handed him his suikan.
“Thanks for letting me wear this.”
He nodded in response, that look of sadness still present in his eyes. Kagome frowned, and decided to ask him about it when he was fully dressed. After he’d finished adjusting his robes, however, Inuyasha spoke up first.
“How are…your wounds?”
“Oh, they’re fine,” she replied, glad that was all it was. She swung her arms in circles a few times for good measure. “See? They don’t even hurt very much.”
“Can I check them?”
Kagome was struck by a sense of déjà vu. Again, checking her injuries was far more important for Inuyasha than it was for her. At her nod, he turned around and she removed her blouse. Then he removed the bandages and inspected the wounds, relaxing somewhat upon finding that they were already in the process of scabbing over. She wouldn’t even scar from these. But they still needed to be covered, so he applied fresh bandages.
“Thanks,” she told him when he’d finished.
He snorted derisively, clearly of the opinion that he didn’t deserve her gratitude. Kagome wasn’t having that attitude, or the awkwardness which she sensed was about to rise up between them once again. She strode toward him and wrapped her arms tightly around his torso, leaning her cheek against his chest. He hesitated, but soon returned her embrace, the tension draining from his body. Kagome grinned, mentally patting herself on the back. They loved each other. If things got awkward, they just needed to remind themselves of that.
Inuyasha seemed much more at ease when they finally parted.
“Ready to head back, Kagome?”
“Head back?”
“To camp!” he declared, as if it should have been obvious. “If we leave those idiots alone in the wilderness for too long, we might find their bones in a pile of some youkai’s shit. Sango can take care of herself, but the other two are useless.”
Kagome could debate whether Miroku and Shippou were actually ‘useless,’ but she did share Inuyasha’s concern. She also realized that she had forgotten to tell him something important.
“Darn it.”
“What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Nothing, really. It’s just…well, I have a test coming up soon.”
Inuyasha groaned. “Not another freaking test! How long?”
“Um…five or six days?”
“And when the hell were you planning to mention this, huh?”
“Hey, it’s not like you’ve been easy to talk to lately! I was planning to tell you last night after dinner, but then…”
“Oh,” he muttered, all of the fight deserting him in the blink of an eye. His ears drooped pitifully, his entire demeanor exuding remorse. Kagome felt her own ire subside just as quickly, and she hugged him again, then leaned up and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“Sorry,” he told her, which was as far as Kagome was concerned, revising something which she had already forgiven him for last night.
“It’s okay. It’s all in the past.”
He looked like he wanted to argue, but instead he frowned, his eyes going unfocused as he debated something intensely. Eventually he seemed to come to a decision, and turned to her with a somewhat guarded expression.
“Do you want to…stay in your time?”
Kagome blinked, unable to believe her ears. “Huh?” was her intelligent response.
Inuyasha scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. “You heard me, wench. And don’t touch my damn forehead, either. I ain’t sick. I’m bringing you back the instant that stupid test is over.”
She laughed at that. “You’re really not sick? Are you possessed then?”
At this, Inuyasha rolled his eyes and took to muttering about ‘wenches who think they’re so damn funny.’ It was funny, but also touching. From a logical perspective, this had the benefit of letting her get all of her schoolwork done before the test, so she wouldn’t have any excuse to ask for more time in the modern era afterward. But it was abundantly clear that Inuyasha’s decision was based on something other than cold logic. The lingering remorse in his expression indicated that he was considering all of the stress and hardship he had put her through recently, and wanted her to rest for a few days. Perhaps he also realized that a little time apart, so both of them could sort through their feelings after last night, would also be beneficial. Speaking of their feelings…Kagome knew she needed to clear up a few things before she let him leave.
“Inuyasha? Can I ask you something?”
“Um…okay,” he replied nervously, her tone having alerted him to the seriousness of her inquiry.
“We’re…together now, right?”
He nodded slowly. “I…I want that. Do you…want that?”
“Of course I do! I just…I can’t go through this again. I need to know that being with me is enough to make you happy. And that if you get the chance to become a full-fledged youkai again, you won’t take it.”
He sighed and turned his gaze to the forest around them, seeming to understand the magnitude of the moment.
“You make me happy, Kagome,” he finally admitted. “Happier than I ever thought I would be, and way happier than I deserve. But…I’ve wanted to become a full-fledged youkai for so long…”
He trailed off, and Kagome held her breath as she waited for him to continue. Then he cracked a sad smile, and shook his head at his own foolishness.
“It doesn’t matter. You can’t change who you are physically without changing who you are as a person. I’ve learned that much from this fucked-up experience. So…if I ever get that chance again, I might be tempted. But I won’t go through with it. Because…you love me the way I am.”
“I do,” she confirmed, reaching up to cup his cheek. He leaned into her touch, his smile brightening. Then his expression became serious once more, his ardent gaze boring into hers.
“Do me a favor though. If I ever have trouble remembering what’s important to me, just remind me…of what I stand to lose.”
Kagome nodded, her throat suddenly dry. She wanted so badly to kiss him, but she still had one very complicated question which needed answering. She was fairly certain that she knew the answer at this point, but after all the heartache she’d been through, she needed to be sure.
“And…Kikyou?”
Inuyasha only grimaced slightly, as though he wasn’t surprised by the question. He pulled away from her, perhaps needing the space to gather his thoughts. He meandered over to Goshinboku, lightly scratching the bark with his claws as he gazed up into its warm and sheltering boughs. Kagome seated herself against the well, vowing to give him the time he needed, while trying not to worry too much. She knew how Inuyasha felt about her. But this was his first opportunity since returning to his right mind to contemplate where he stood in his relationship with Kikyou, both of them having set aside all thoughts of the other miko last night. He was obviously going to need some time. That mantra didn’t completely assuage her nerves, but it did take the edge off. It also helped when Kirara trotted up to her and hopped into her lap, obviously wanting some attention after a mostly sleepless night. Without the fire-cat’s diligence, she and Inuyasha wouldn’t have been able to drop their guard, even so close to the well, so their intimacy likely would never have happened. Kagome made sure Kirara knew how much she appreciated the opportunity. In the end, she tried to focus on the beautiful morning and the purring feline in her lap, and eventually her mind drifted away from her long wait, as she reveled in the natural splendor of the world around her.
Inuyasha found her with her head tilted back, smiling faintly as she gazed up at the blue sky overhead. He seemed to have made a decision; his brow was furrowed in determination, and his eyes were guarded. It was a ‘battle face’ if she had ever seen one. Count on Inuyasha to treat having a heartfelt conversation the same as mortal combat. She had entertained that reflection before. Was it really only last night? So much had happened in such a short time, and the revelations were not finished yet, if she was reading Inuyasha correctly. He sat next to her, maintaining his silence for several minutes. Still feeling fairly calm, thanks to her quiet meditation, Kagome waited for him to speak.
“The next time I see Kikyou,” he began sadly, “I’ll apologize for being such an ass. But I won’t take back what I said about…her and me. There really isn’t anything between us except for a vow of protection and some memories. And I think…I’ve known that for a while now.”
Kagome reached over and offered him her hand, which Inuyasha took, entwining their fingers, his eyes letting her know how grateful he was for her silent support. He continued, his voice cracking once, his words running together as though the dam holding back his emotions had collapsed spectacularly.
“I just…I didn’t want her to have to hear those things from me. I know she’s dead, and she can’t wander the earth forever…but I always hoped that, maybe after Naraku was dead, she would find peace. That maybe she would return to the afterlife of her own free will, on her own terms…without me having to tell her that I didn’t want to be with her. She didn’t deserve…to hear that from me.”
Kagome sighed softly, leaning against him. Inuyasha reciprocated, so it became unclear who was supporting who. We’re supporting each other, she realized, from this day forth. That thought gave her the confidence to say what she felt compelled to say.
“No, she didn’t,” she admitted quietly, squeezing his hand. “But I think she’ll understand. Kikyou and I…we’ve had our differences in the past.”
Inuyasha scoffed, clearly indicating what he thought of that sentiment. Kagome grinned wryly.
“Okay, so maybe that’s an understatement. But it doesn’t matter. Kikyou’s changed. She’s not the same as she once was. Even I can see that, so I’m sure you can see it too.” She waited for him to nod before continuing. “She didn’t seem heartbroken when you…said what you said. It was more like she was resigned, like she had realized all of it herself, but hadn’t admitted it out loud yet. Then she looked at me…and I think she was asking me to take care of you.
“So, I think Kikyou knows that the two of you don’t have a future together. I think she wants you to live, and be happy. And I know that…she still loves you, in her own way. And because of that, I’m not afraid that she’ll try to take you away from me again. Before, I could never see why you fell in love with her fifty years ago, but now…I think I’m beginning to understand.”
Inuyasha digested her words in silence for a long time, staring solemnly at the grass next to his feet.
“She was like that back then,” he finally stated, his voice hollow, distant. “Not exactly the same, but close. You’re right. Kikyou is becoming more and more like the woman I knew while she was alive. I…I’m glad.”
He glanced over at her, as though fearing her reaction, but Kagome smiled and shook her head. He had loved Kikyou, as much as he was capable at the time. She was sure part of him still loved her. Those feelings would never truly vanish, but that didn’t bother her. If it had, she wouldn’t have allowed herself to join with him last night. It was only natural to remember past love, and to harbor it always deep inside one’s heart. That did not render the blossoming of new love any less beautiful, not when despite his sadness, Inuyasha had left her with absolutely no doubt as to whom his heart truly belonged.
She kissed him then, an innocent affair which the hanyou soon deepened, though not from lust. He took more than he gave, drawing comfort from the softness of her lips, the suddenly shy flirting of her tongue against his own. As his desperation waned, their movements become more languid. Slowly Kagome slipped into a state of wondrous lethargy, her body basking in the most glorious warmth. There was no need to think about anything, or do anything. All she wanted to do was lie here in his arms, and feel. It was perfect.
Eventually he pulled away, and she found that gazing into his golden eyes, shining in the morning light, proved just as profound. They remained that way for some time, cuddled together against the well, sharing sweet kisses which affirmed everything they had discovered the night before.
They might have remained that way all morning, if not for the twin calls of nature which finally forced them to part. When they emerged from behind their respective trees, they felt completely refreshed. Whatever awkwardness existed between them had temporarily given way to a casual sense of ease, which was a most welcome development.
“All right, wench, I’m heading back.”
“Okay, be safe.”
“Kirara, you wanna fly back or ride with me?” The fire-cat leapt up onto his shoulder, providing her answer, and Kagome didn’t blame her one bit for accepting a free ride after carrying her all the way back here last night.
“Let the others know I’m okay,” she told him. “And make sure Shippou-chan is…um…” Inuyasha grimaced at the reminder, his ears drooping with guilt.
“I’m going to have to apologize to those guys, huh?” he wondered miserably.
“It’s okay. They’ll forgive you, even Shippou-chan.” When Inuyasha didn’t look convinced, she decided to lighten the mood.
“You know, while you’re at it, you should probably apologize to Kouga-kun as well.” That had the expected response, namely an outraged hanyou in full bluster.
“What?! Oh, hell no! No way I’m apologizing to that asshole.”
“Well, you did try to kill him…”
“Hell no. Fuck no. And he started it, anyway.”
“Really?” she posed, her skepticism obvious.
“Well…he goaded me into starting it.”
“Wha—that doesn’t even make sense!”
“Keh. Whatever, wench. I’m still not apologizing.”
Kagome sighed dramatically. “You’re hopeless,” she told him, only partially in jest.
“And another thing: stop calling him ‘Kouga-kun,’” he demanded, adopting a ridiculously high-pitched voice which was apparently supposed to be hers.
“Oh, and what would you have me call him then?”
He smirked. “Fleabag. Jackass. Fuckwad. Any of those would do.”
“Baka.”
“That works too.”
“No, you’re a baka. Baka.”
“Keh, the best kind, wench.”
They glowered at each other for a moment, then grinned simultaneously and began chuckling. It felt good to engage in casual banter. They were lovers now, but they were also still friends. Obviously the prospect of having to apologize was still on Inuyasha’s mind, however, for his smile soon faded and he glanced away, blushing mildly. Kagome wondered with no small amount of curiosity what thought had caused that reaction.
“Uh…do you have any of that ‘pocky’ stuff in your bag?”
Kagome tilted her head to the side and gazed at him intensely, her expression likely conveying how proud she was of him in that moment. He flushed deeper, crossing his arms over his chest in flustered fashion.
“It’s just so the next few days aren’t such a pain in the ass,” he added without prompting. “He won’t whine at me as much if he’s stuffing his face.”
“Okay, Inuyasha. I think I have some,” she declared, turning away to hide her knowing smile. If she thought that this was a lame attempt to buy Shippou’s forgiveness, then she would be sorely tempted to shove that box of pocky down Inuyasha’s throat. But that wasn’t it at all. He felt genuinely guilty for hitting Shippou, and wanted to do something nice for him, in addition to making amends. Fortunately for him, the fox kit was a forgiving person; as long as he saw that Inuyasha’s remorse was genuine, the two of them would be just fine. Though I’m sure the pocky will help too…
“Here you go!”
“Thanks,” he muttered, snatching the box from her hands and stuffing it inside his robes, as though concealing the evidence of his kind gesture from any birds and insects which might be observing them. Kagome chuckled under her breath at his antics. He’s such a baka…but he’s my baka. A wave of giddiness washed through her at that thought, but she managed to prevent herself from hopping up and down.
“I’m heading out, Kagome,” Inuyasha told her, the reluctance in his tone readily apparent despite his attempts to hide it. “I’ll see you after your test.”
“After my…test?”
“Yeah,” he answered, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Kagome sighed mentally. Does he really believe that I don’t want to see him until my test is over? Sure, a couple days to focus on her studies without distraction incarnated in hanyou form would be nice, but her test was almost a week away! Didn’t he know how much she would miss him? He probably did, she realized. Her other friends tried to tell her that Inuyasha always got surly and depressed when she was gone, and now she fully understood the reason why. So…why should they force themselves to remain apart if they were only a quick trip through the time portal away from each other? The answer was obvious. Now, how to convey that to Inuyasha…
“You know,” she cooed, trying for mildly seductive, and succeeding if the way Inuyasha’s eyes widened was any indication. “You don’t have to wait until my test is over to come see m—to come through the well.”
Her hasty, nervous amendment notwithstanding, Kagome was quite pleased with herself. Inuyasha’s gaze followed her every move, as she sauntered toward him with a tiny bit of extra sway in her hips. But she ended up moving a step or two closer than she intended, and soon found herself gazing up at him, equally transfixed by the kindling fire in his gaze. He glanced down to her lips and back up again, his tongue darting out to moisten his own lips. Seeing this, Kagome decided to throw caution to the wind, and make their parting one to remember.
There was a hunger in this kiss, a shared yearning which had not yet flared to life between them this morning. It was there now, teasing and tantalizing, drawing them closer, their hands clutching each other tightly. Kagome deepened the kiss this time, a heady shudder rippling through her as their tongues tangled, shyly at first, then more boldly. A delightful haze settled over her mind, her awareness of the world around her fading away. Soon, it became almost impossible to remember anything except the caress of his lips, and the feeling of his strong arms cosseting her.
Ultimately, it was only persistent concern for her friends which drove her to pull away, stumbling clumsily from his embrace. He really did need to go make sure they were okay…no matter how pleasant it would be to continue where they had left off. It seemed far warmer in this clearing than she remembered, and she could tell the feeling was mutual. Inuyasha stared at her, his expression dazed, a mix of bliss and disappointment. She knew the feeling. As much as she hated to do it, she needed to send him on his way. Before they started something they would have to finish.
“S-so, um…” she stuttered, her embarrassment over her unsteady breathing mollified by the fact that he was equally discomfited. “I’ll see you in a few days, right?”
He nodded hastily, like a kid agreeing to a condition in order to obtain his favorite treat. Kagome grinned, but his enthusiasm caused an amusing yet serious thought to occur to her.
“And don’t push the others too hard to get back here sooner,” she told him, only partially succeeding in her attempt to affect a stern tone. “Miroku-sama and Sango-chan are only human.”
“K-k-keh!” he blustered, spinning around and tossing his hands into the air, at least part of his overly dramatic display for her benefit. Then he stalked off, muttering under his breath, but easily loud enough for her to hear.
“Damn wench…kisses me like that and then tells me not to hurry back. What the hell?”
“Bye, Inuyasha!” she called in between giggles.
“Later, Kagome.”
Then with a final half-hearted wave, he set off at a run and disappeared through the trees, leaving her alone. For a moment, Kagome just stood there, staring at the spot where he had vanished from view. Then her joy came bubbling forth in an uncontrollable rush, and she let it all out, indulging in a well-deserved private celebration. It only lasted a minute or two, but the laughter and exultation did her a world of good. She couldn’t recall ever having been so happy.
Soon her pragmatic mind came back online, however, and she wondered what to do now. She considered going to visit Kaede, but quickly decided against it. Inuyasha would be furious if he found out that she went traipsing through the woods by herself when he wasn’t around. He had probably only left her here by herself because she was standing literally less than five paces from the well. Normally going up against his irrational concern—inevitably covered by a mask of indifference or worse—wouldn’t bother her so much. But why not avoid the fight if possible? She could visit Kaede, along with the rest of her friends, once Inuyasha returned. And perhaps, just perhaps, he wouldn’t don his masks so often with her anymore.
That was a nice idea, but she was getting ahead of herself. This was her first serious relationship, and it had already progressed beyond anything Inuyasha had experienced with Kikyou. They were going to have to learn how to be a real couple, together. Maybe they would take it slow for a while. Well, slower…it was a little late to take it slow. But even if they decided not to be intimate again for the time being, until the other aspects of their lives became less hectic, that didn’t mean that all physical expressions of their feelings were off the table. She had better get in a good two or three days of studying, because when Inuyasha returned, he was going probably to be quite a distraction…and she wasn’t going to mind one bit. He was a hanyou now, so perhaps he wouldn’t be able to express his emotions as clearly as he had last night, but their interaction this morning told her that she didn’t have too much to worry about in that regard.
While they were alone, that is. How they behaved around other people was something else they needed to figure out. Would he want to hide their relationship from their friends? She didn’t think so. There was a difference between hiding something and not advertising it, the latter of which was actually pretty normal, especially in this day and age. Besides, perhaps the cat was already out of the bag, even if Inuyasha didn’t know it yet. The Kami help him if he blushed even once during his inevitable interrogation, lest he accidentally set off Miroku’s sex-dar. The lecher would be on him like a bloodhound.
But she wasn’t going to worry about that either. Or anything else, really. She finally had her Inuyasha back, after a grueling experience that in the end, had enabled them to discover how much they truly meant to each other. So what was there to worry about? They loved each other, and that was all that truly mattered.
Everything else would fall into place.
The End
Desires of the Heart
Inuyasha gazed toward the eastern sky, which was just beginning to lighten with the first signs of the approaching dawn. He had dozed fitfully during the night, more due to fatigue than an actual desire to sleep. Now he was more or less fully awake, and fully intent on remaining that way. There was no guarantee that his youkai side would return at sunrise as it usually did, but he could not help but regard the break of day as some momentous event, when his life would irreversibly turn down one of two very different paths. The first led toward a bright future, toward Kagome’s arms and all of the dreams which he now knew they shared together. The other…
Kagome stirred, whimpering in her sleep, and he pulled her closer against his chest. She settled down then, but her expression remained troubled. No doubt her dreams were haunted by the same phantoms which cast their shadows over his waking moments. There was no escaping it, what was about to happen. Normally the inevitability of a fight would only embolden him, harden his resolve. But this wasn’t an enemy he could slay. When his youkai side returned, it would renew the civil war within him, and spark a conflict which might very well tear him apart. His heart would be fighting against his very nature, made stronger by his own foolish choices. He had given in to lingering weakness and surrendered to a desire of the past, ignoring what had been right in front of him all along. That was the most frightening thing about this, he realized. He had never gone into battle with so clear an understanding of what he stood to lose.
The idea of it tore at him, the thought that this might be the last time he held her. He rested his cheek against the top of her head, savoring the feeling of her raven locks against his skin. Part of him wanted to wake her, to kiss her until both of them forgot the approaching cataclysm. But she had been through enough. Let her sleep, baka. Let her sleep.
He shifted slightly, so the baggy folds of his hakama better shielded her bare legs from the cool breeze. He had done his best to keep her warm, once their passion subsided. His suikan covered most of her frame, and he had kept his arms around her as well, the sleeves of his hadagi providing another layer of protection. She hadn’t shivered at all, so he must have done well enough. It wasn’t really that cold out, aside from the wind. If it had been, he was sure Kirara would have transformed into her larger form and let them rest against her body. Thinking of the fire-cat gave him an idea, and after a few moments of debate, he decided it was a good one.
“Kirara!” he whispered, just loudly enough for the sensitive-eared feline to hear him. The leaves of the tree above them rustled softly in response, as she leapt to the ground and gazed up at him quizzically.
“I need you to do something for me,” he told her, hoping she would understand. “When my youkai side comes back, I need you to drop Kagome into the well. She can’t be here. I…I need to know that she’s safe.”
Kirara stared at him, then mewed, the vocalization sounding like assent. Then she leapt onto his leg and nudged his arm with her nose, as if to say ‘you wake me up and ask me to do something, now you have to pet me.’ Inuyasha grinned wryly but nevertheless began to scratch her in the manner he knew she liked. I wonder if she really understood me, he pondered as she started purring. He was almost positive, sure enough so that it really served no purpose to continue worrying about it. Kirara had proven herself far more intelligent than her feline mannerisms would lead one to believe. She would do as he asked. Whether Kagome would cooperate…well, that was another matter entirely. But the alternative was far worse. He could try to put Kagome to bed in her own time right now, but in his human form there was no way he could carry her out of the well without waking her. His movements would never be smooth enough; she wasn’t heavy, but she was much heavier to him now. And when she did wake up and realize what he was doing, she would resist, tell him she wanted to stay by his side and support him in any way she could. The result would be a huge fight, and he couldn’t stomach the thought of separating from her on those terms.
So although doing things the underhanded way made him feel a little guilty, it was undoubtedly the best of a set of bad options. With any luck, Kagome wouldn’t be able to gather her bearings and return through the portal before the battle within him had been decided. And if he lost that battle, then hopefully his victorious youkai side would be satisfied with only destroying the well behind her. His arms tightened around her reflexively, drawing a small sigh from her. It was a sound which he wouldn’t mind hearing every day for the rest of their lives. His eyes narrowed in determination. If he knew one thing for sure, it was this: if he lost himself today, it would not be due to weakness of will or of heart. Thanks to the girl in his arms, he possessed both in abundant supply.
But would it be enough? Only time would tell. His current humanity was one encouraging sign. It told him that he had never actually become a true full-youkai, though he had certainly moved closer to that end of the spectrum. He would never be able to specify the exact ratio, but it had been very close. Close enough to allow him to transform like his half-brother, though even then the signs had been there, in the form of his smaller size and imperfect physical appearance. At the time he had interpreted those as consequences of his own inexperience, but now he realized that they likely meant something else entirely.
Clearly the foreign youki was suppressing his humanity. So it stood to reason that if he could drive out the foreign youki, his humanity would recover and he would become a hanyou again, thereby allowing him to regain control of his mind along with all of the power and abilities he had come to cherish. It was not a completely novel situation. He had been strong enough to regain control of his own rampant youkai side during the battle against Ryuukotsusei. The only difference was that here he would be fighting against both his own youkai side and the foreign youki…or his own youkai side as it was bolstered by the foreign youki. He wasn’t sure exactly how that worked, whether they were separate entities or had combined into one. In the latter case, he would need to separate them and drive only the invader out. A daunting proposition, but as he’d told Kagome, he had to try. His hand drifted subconsciously down to Tetsusaiga, grasping the hilt tightly. His beloved sword had gone dormant as his behavior grew more extreme, and would not respond to him now due to his humanity. But he prayed that it would somehow be able to help him weather the coming storm. He needed all the help he could get.
Logically, it would be best if that storm struck soon, before Kagome woke. But part of him dreaded the cessation of these peaceful moments, inevitable though it might be, and wished that the day would never come. But the eastern sky continued to lighten as sun approached ever closer, its inexorable march both unrelenting and unforgiving. He found himself growing almost angry at the sun, for daring to intrude upon his paradise. His heartbeat quickened, his body preparing itself for a fight. Logically, he knew the struggle would not be physical in nature, but he didn’t bother trying to calm down. It seemed natural to ready for battle in this way, to feel heated blood rushing through his veins. His elevated breathing was a comfort, and he embraced the excitement, along with the steely resolve which came with it. Everything he had survived so far, every cruelty or attempt on his life, had prepared him for this moment.
He would not let this dawn be his last.
Finally the sun emerged from behind the horizon, the first sliver of golden light slicing through the morning mist. And nothing happened. Damn…talk about anticlimactic. Inuyasha sighed, leaning his head back against Goshinboku. He had been ready, but of course fate couldn’t just throw him a bone once in a while. Now he had absolutely no idea when his youkai side would return. It was like having to be prepared for an attack that could come at any time. Or trying to anticipate the moment of his own execution.
He shook his head, refusing to feel sorry for himself. He had the girl he loved in his arms, they’d shared a wonderful night together, and he was going to make damn sure that he never broke her heart again. He and Kagome had the rest of their lives to look forward to. And that was all the motivation he needed to give it everything he had, and let the chips fall where they may.
Come on, you bastard…I’m ready.
* * *
Kagome woke with a start, jerked out of her nice, cozy slumber
courtesy of a rough shove which sent her tumbling to the cold
ground. Her head spun for a few moments, but the strained,
wordless sounds escaping from Inuyasha’s throat encouraged
her to gather her bearings quickly. It was obviously he who
had woken her, and now he stood a few meters from where
they’d rested against the tree, doubled over in pain.
As she watched, he sank to his knees and finally collapsed
onto his side, his violently shaking legs no longer able to support
him. “Inuyasha!” she cried, rising to her feet, only to be snatched off of them and pulled into the air by a set of jaws latching onto the back of the suikan she wore. She could feel Kirara’s nose pressing against her skin, as the fire-cat carried her off in a direction which Kagome recognized instantly. There was absolutely no doubt in her mind as to who had put their feline companion up to this. Every fiber of Kagome’s being screamed at her not to let this happen. She needed to be here with him, even if she couldn’t do anything to help. Why couldn’t Inuyasha understand that? If she allowed herself to be pulled away now, she would never forgive herself. But she couldn’t hurt Kirara, who was her friend and was only trying to protect her. That left but one option. She lifted her arms and allowed her body to slip through the suikan, hoping that the ground wasn’t too far away.
It wasn’t, though she still landed somewhat awkwardly, settling into an unbalanced crouch with a muffled grunt. But her ankles were okay, and the soles of her feet hadn’t been punctured by anything sharp, so all in all she felt pretty lucky. She wasted no time in lurching to her feet and scampering the short distance to where Inuyasha lay facing away from her, trembling severely.
“Inuyasha!” she cried, falling to her knees beside him. “Inuyasha, please!”
He gave no response to her entreaties, as his obvious suffering continued unabated. His teeth were gritted, his eyes screwed tightly shut. Then she felt the telltale rise of his aura, and she knew that the moment of truth had finally arrived.
Suddenly Kirara was by her side. She nudged her shoulder once, then again, more insistently. Kagome leaned over Inuyasha, latching onto his hadagi as though that would be enough to anchor her to him if the fire-cat had other ideas.
“Please, Kirara,” she begged, twin tears slipping down her cheeks. “I need to stay.”
The fire-cat stared at her for a long moment, then uttered a growl which sounded almost like the feline equivalent of a sigh of resignation. Then she turned her attention to Inuyasha, her keen gaze observing his every move. Kirara had obviously decided to grant her request, but if it appeared for even a moment that things were going badly, Kagome had no doubt that she would intervene. The miko muttered her thanks and turned back to the man beneath her.
Inuyasha was in absolute turmoil, his body writhing constantly, never remaining still for even the smallest iota of time. His pitiful, agonized cries tore at her heart, as his throat became hoarse from the strain. He was in terrible pain, and it quickly became apparent that he was also in mortal peril. His ears became formless, shifting to the top of his head, but any fleeting hope was crushed when they didn’t even fully form the canine ears she loved so much, and instead shifted immediately back down to the sides of his head. Kagome was dismayed, but not surprised when they formed the graceful, pointed ears of his full-fledged youkai self. At the same time, the purple markings appeared on his cheeks, jagged at first and then growing smoother, until at last they appeared nearly as regal as they had been for the last half month. All the while, his youki continued to swell, a roiling torrent ready to burst forth and destroy everything in its path. And finally Kagome was forced to confront cold, merciless reality. Inuyasha was losing.
She moved just before Kirara did, wrapping her arms around him, her face mere inches from his own. Her hand found his, grasping it tightly, her every move fueled by the most poignant desperation she had ever known.
“Inuyasha! Don’t give up!” she screamed, her voice rising to a nearly hysterical pitch. “You have to fight! You have to…come back to me. You have to…” She trailed off, the sheer chaos of her emotions finally getting the better of her. But though her vision blurred with tears, she kept her eyes open, unwilling to look away as the man she loved fought for his life.
Kagome would never know if her presence or her words actually made any difference in that moment. But within seconds, the seemingly unstoppable advancement of his youkai side abruptly ceased. He hovered on the brink, as though the tiniest push would toppled him into oblivion. But he refused to fall and, snarling and thrashing, held himself just on the right side of disaster. One of his hands drifted down to his hip, trembling uncontrollably as it fumbled at Tetsusaiga’s hilt. Quickly Kagome took his hand and guided his fingers to close around it, feeling a tiny pulse of recognition from the sword as she did so. The revelation was enough to cause the tiniest seed of hope to germinate with her. Inuyasha was still in there, still fighting.
What followed was the longest, most terrifying struggle Kagome had ever witnessed. Inuyasha’s youki ebbed and flowed, rising and receding like the tides. Dozens, hundreds of evolutions, so many that she lost count. Several more surges brought him to the edge of calamity, but he never surrendered. Even as blood trickled from between his lips, and every sound which emerged from his throat rasped from repeated abuse, he continued to struggle. Until at long last, Kagome noticed a promising development. No longer were the surges of his youki so strong as to nearly crush his resistance. No longer did the markings adorning his cheeks straighten to near perfection. They shifted in time with his youki, but always retained their ragged shape, until finally they began to fade away. His ears lost their form once more, becoming nothing more than amorphous masses which drifted between the sides and top of his head, gradually shifting more towards the latter. Through it all, he never released her hand.
She once again feared the worst when a dark, malevolent aura began to emanate from him. But she quickly realized that the evil presence was radiating outward, and did not seem to penetrate deeper than his skin. To the contrary, it was almost as though it was being driven out. She summoned her spiritual energy but hesitated, unsure whether her interference would aid Inuyasha or hamper his efforts. Then she noticed that the foreign youki was dissipating on its own, unable to maintain its cohesion. It blew away bit by bit, like ash on the breeze.
It seemed an eternity before Inuyasha’s struggles finally ceased, his growls and cries winding down to heavy breathing. His ears stood proudly atop his head now, covered in fine white fur. By then the evil aura had vanished completely, and his own aura felt the same as Kagome remembered, formidable yet gentle, a perfect representation of great power tempered by a loving heart. Hope blossomed within her, every rise and fall of his chest a balm to her soul. But she had to be sure. She would not allow herself to rejoice until she saw his eyes, and confirmed that they were the same golden orbs which she had fallen in love with so long ago.
A squeeze of his hand did not wake him, nor did a light kiss on his cheek, though the latter did cause him to stir. His ears twitched atop his head, drawing her gaze. She felt an almost irrepressible desire to touch them, to reacquaint herself with this part of his anatomy which most clearly marked him as an outcast, labeled him as neither human nor youkai, but something in between. Perhaps now he would finally allow her to show him how much she loved them, and everything they stood for.
His ear flicked away at the first tentative touch of her finger, but the motion seemed to be merely one of surprise, and did not repeat itself when she tried again. A low, contented rumble welled in his chest as she caressed the sensitive appendage, marveling at the softness of his fur. His ears had probably never been touched like this, she reflected, at least not since his mother’s death. Sure, she and even her own mother had touched them before, and not cruelly by any means, but not like this. She was loving his ears now, in a different way from which she had loved his body last night, but with the same passion. She wished she had both hands free, but he hadn’t released her other one yet, so instead she brought her lips to bear and began planting feather-light kisses to his ear, her hand shifting to massage the other one. Immediately the steady rumble in his chest faltered, before stopping altogether a few moments later. Kagome leaned back enough to glimpse his face, the sight of which forced her to blink back tears as she managed a watery smile.
There they were. Those golden eyes she knew so well, those bright orbs which could glow with so many different emotions, and when his walls dropped could even serve as portals to his soul. Now they were clouded with confusion, which quickly turned to understanding and surprise.
“I’m…I’m back,” he muttered subconsciously, as though he couldn’t believe his own words.
“You are,” she confirmed, a few rogue tears flowing forth. Inuyasha frowned, reaching up with his free hand to wipe them away. He flushed in embarrassment once he realized what he was doing, as though removing her tears had been an almost instinctive response. But his hand lingered there, not touching her skin, the raven strands of her hair caressing the backs of his fingers.
“And you…stayed with me all this time?” he asked, humility and gratitude dancing in his eyes, along with something else which she had been able to identify for the first time last night, in the dark orbs of his humanity. Now she recognized it easily, and she was sure her own eyes reflected it right back at him.
“All this time?” she repeated, puzzled by his question. She glanced over at the position of the sun, noting that it was still much closer to the horizon than it was to its apex. Confusion dominated his expression for a few moments, before understanding finally dawned.
“Is it really…still that same morning?” he asked, his voice conveying exhaustion.
Kagome nodded, her heart going out to him. What had probably been minutes for her must have seemed like hours or even days to him, as he struggled within his own private hell. He shook his head, his disbelief deepening as his eyes began to take on a haunted look. She squeezed his hand, drawing his attention back to her smiling countenance. The fleeting shadows left him, and he squeezed back, his lips quirking upwards as well.
“I’m really back.”
This time it was not a question, but a declaration, one which carried with it far more meaning than those three words could ever hope to convey. Everything they had shared, everything they had dreamed of last night—all of it was within their grasp. Inuyasha had finally conquered the desires of his past, and could now look forward to the future, with her. His gaze drifted to her lips, lingering there briefly before he glanced away, blushing in embarrassment. Kagome resisted the urge to roll her eyes, and instead leaned into his hand. The look in her eyes and her wry smile must have told him all he needed to know, for in the next moment he was leaning toward her, his expression nervous yet hopeful. She met him halfway, uniting in a kiss which was so similar to their first true kiss the previous evening, their emotions swirling around them, creating a cocoon of unparalleled warmth, where their hearts were laid bare. They cherished each other, affirmed their reason for existence, in defiance of fate or any other cosmic force which might try to tear them apart again. It was never going to happen. If being together was not their destiny, then they would simply rewrite destiny. At long last, they had discovered what had eluded them for so long. And they would never let go of it, or of each other.
It was some time before they separated, leaning their foreheads together as their eyes locked, glowing with unbridled happiness. Finally pragmatism set in, and they turned their attention to the outside world which they had both tuned out for so long. Inuyasha rose into a sitting position, checking their surroundings with all of his senses. He apparently didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary, but when he turned to look back at Kagome, he froze with a strangled gasp, his eyes going wide as they drifted decidedly lower than her chin. A glance down at herself informed her of the reason for his odd reaction.
“Eep!” she squeaked, her hands shooting up to cover her chest as both of their faces flamed. She had been so concerned about Inuyasha’s well-being that she hadn’t even noticed her own nakedness, having not been wearing anything under the suikan which she had slipped out of earlier.
“Put some clothes on, wench,” he muttered as he slapped a hand over his eyes with exaggerated flare, his amusement obvious. She glowered at him, quickly deciding that this was his fault, since he had asked Kirara to drop her into the well in the first place. But she couldn’t stay mad at him, not when the sound of his soft chuckling was so pleasant to her ears, and his mirth so contagious. It also helped when Kirara dropped the discarded suikan over her shoulders, allowing her to feel comfortable once more. She joined him in laughter, feeling the last of the tension leave her body.
“You know,” she told him after their mirth had subsided, “you really shouldn’t have asked Kirara to send me home.”
Her tone was somewhat scolding, and he opened his mouth, probably to deny that his decision was unwise. But he seemed to think better of it, and after some inner dialogue, he nodded in acquiescence.
“Yeah…you’re probably right.”
Kagome blinked, then reached up and held her hand to his forehead.
“What are you doing?”
“You said I was right, so I’m checking for a fever,” she teased.
“Keh! I ain’t sick, wench. I always tell you when you’re right,” he declared petulantly, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s not my fault you’re not right very often.”
Kagome giggled, somehow delighted to see the childish side of Inuyasha once more. That part of him had been conspicuously absent during the period of his transformation, innocence and immaturity replaced by aggression. It was a welcome change, especially when he grinned sheepishly and shrugged, a silent confirmation that he was just joking around. Kagome wouldn’t mind seeing more of that as well, and given the turn their relationship had taken, she wouldn’t be surprised if she did. She had, quite simply, never seen Inuyasha this happy before.
While their mutual joy did not wear off, their amusement did. And when that happened, awkwardness set in. They stared at each other, neither knowing what to say next, the sudden silence more than a little unsettling. They glanced away from each other, Inuyasha rubbing the back of his neck, Kagome nibbling on her lower lip. But while it was uncomfortable, it wasn’t a bad kind of uncomfortable. After the insanity of Inuyasha’s life and death struggle, this was truly their ‘morning after.’ It was only natural for things to be a little awkward, especially since both of them had previously been virgins. They just needed to figure out how to return to some semblance of normalcy, given the new parameters of their relationship. That was a very detached and scientific way of looking at things, but it was true. And she could start with, as Inuyasha had suggested earlier, putting some clothes on.
“Um…let me go get dressed!”
She climbed to her feet and set about gathering her discarded clothing, then decided that she didn’t want to put any of it back on and fished a new outfit from her bag. Her blouse was basically ruined anyway, and her other garments were dirty—and not just from actual dirt, in some cases. That realization brought a rosy hue to her cheeks, and in her distraction she slipped the suikan off her shoulders, only to catch it partway down her back as she finally remembered to check that she wasn’t being watched. A glance over her shoulder revealed her concern to be legitimate; Inuyasha sat exactly where she had left him, staring unblinkingly at her, sadness and something else smoldering in his gaze. Kagome couldn’t figure out the reason for the former, but she identified the latter easily enough, as practically the entire expanse of her skin warmed in response. She waited for him to turn away, but he just continued to stare at her. Uh…is he really not going to turn around?
She had just begun to contemplate whether she should ask him to do so when he came to his senses and spun a quick one-eighty on his backside, his face flaming in mortification. Kagome sighed in relief. So he had just been…distracted. Phew. She was sure they would get to the point of being comfortable dressing and undressing in front of each other eventually, and perhaps sooner rather than later. But it was all so new, and they had enough awkwardness between them right now.
After setting a new personal record for getting dressed, she wandered over to him and handed him his suikan.
“Thanks for letting me wear this.”
He nodded in response, that look of sadness still present in his eyes. Kagome frowned, and decided to ask him about it when he was fully dressed. After he’d finished adjusting his robes, however, Inuyasha spoke up first.
“How are…your wounds?”
“Oh, they’re fine,” she replied, glad that was all it was. She swung her arms in circles a few times for good measure. “See? They don’t even hurt very much.”
“Can I check them?”
Kagome was struck by a sense of déjà vu. Again, checking her injuries was far more important for Inuyasha than it was for her. At her nod, he turned around and she removed her blouse. Then he removed the bandages and inspected the wounds, relaxing somewhat upon finding that they were already in the process of scabbing over. She wouldn’t even scar from these. But they still needed to be covered, so he applied fresh bandages.
“Thanks,” she told him when he’d finished.
He snorted derisively, clearly of the opinion that he didn’t deserve her gratitude. Kagome wasn’t having that attitude, or the awkwardness which she sensed was about to rise up between them once again. She strode toward him and wrapped her arms tightly around his torso, leaning her cheek against his chest. He hesitated, but soon returned her embrace, the tension draining from his body. Kagome grinned, mentally patting herself on the back. They loved each other. If things got awkward, they just needed to remind themselves of that.
Inuyasha seemed much more at ease when they finally parted.
“Ready to head back, Kagome?”
“Head back?”
“To camp!” he declared, as if it should have been obvious. “If we leave those idiots alone in the wilderness for too long, we might find their bones in a pile of some youkai’s shit. Sango can take care of herself, but the other two are useless.”
Kagome could debate whether Miroku and Shippou were actually ‘useless,’ but she did share Inuyasha’s concern. She also realized that she had forgotten to tell him something important.
“Darn it.”
“What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Nothing, really. It’s just…well, I have a test coming up soon.”
Inuyasha groaned. “Not another freaking test! How long?”
“Um…five or six days?”
“And when the hell were you planning to mention this, huh?”
“Hey, it’s not like you’ve been easy to talk to lately! I was planning to tell you last night after dinner, but then…”
“Oh,” he muttered, all of the fight deserting him in the blink of an eye. His ears drooped pitifully, his entire demeanor exuding remorse. Kagome felt her own ire subside just as quickly, and she hugged him again, then leaned up and planted a kiss on his cheek.
“Sorry,” he told her, which was as far as Kagome was concerned, revising something which she had already forgiven him for last night.
“It’s okay. It’s all in the past.”
He looked like he wanted to argue, but instead he frowned, his eyes going unfocused as he debated something intensely. Eventually he seemed to come to a decision, and turned to her with a somewhat guarded expression.
“Do you want to…stay in your time?”
Kagome blinked, unable to believe her ears. “Huh?” was her intelligent response.
Inuyasha scowled, crossing his arms over his chest. “You heard me, wench. And don’t touch my damn forehead, either. I ain’t sick. I’m bringing you back the instant that stupid test is over.”
She laughed at that. “You’re really not sick? Are you possessed then?”
At this, Inuyasha rolled his eyes and took to muttering about ‘wenches who think they’re so damn funny.’ It was funny, but also touching. From a logical perspective, this had the benefit of letting her get all of her schoolwork done before the test, so she wouldn’t have any excuse to ask for more time in the modern era afterward. But it was abundantly clear that Inuyasha’s decision was based on something other than cold logic. The lingering remorse in his expression indicated that he was considering all of the stress and hardship he had put her through recently, and wanted her to rest for a few days. Perhaps he also realized that a little time apart, so both of them could sort through their feelings after last night, would also be beneficial. Speaking of their feelings…Kagome knew she needed to clear up a few things before she let him leave.
“Inuyasha? Can I ask you something?”
“Um…okay,” he replied nervously, her tone having alerted him to the seriousness of her inquiry.
“We’re…together now, right?”
He nodded slowly. “I…I want that. Do you…want that?”
“Of course I do! I just…I can’t go through this again. I need to know that being with me is enough to make you happy. And that if you get the chance to become a full-fledged youkai again, you won’t take it.”
He sighed and turned his gaze to the forest around them, seeming to understand the magnitude of the moment.
“You make me happy, Kagome,” he finally admitted. “Happier than I ever thought I would be, and way happier than I deserve. But…I’ve wanted to become a full-fledged youkai for so long…”
He trailed off, and Kagome held her breath as she waited for him to continue. Then he cracked a sad smile, and shook his head at his own foolishness.
“It doesn’t matter. You can’t change who you are physically without changing who you are as a person. I’ve learned that much from this fucked-up experience. So…if I ever get that chance again, I might be tempted. But I won’t go through with it. Because…you love me the way I am.”
“I do,” she confirmed, reaching up to cup his cheek. He leaned into her touch, his smile brightening. Then his expression became serious once more, his ardent gaze boring into hers.
“Do me a favor though. If I ever have trouble remembering what’s important to me, just remind me…of what I stand to lose.”
Kagome nodded, her throat suddenly dry. She wanted so badly to kiss him, but she still had one very complicated question which needed answering. She was fairly certain that she knew the answer at this point, but after all the heartache she’d been through, she needed to be sure.
“And…Kikyou?”
Inuyasha only grimaced slightly, as though he wasn’t surprised by the question. He pulled away from her, perhaps needing the space to gather his thoughts. He meandered over to Goshinboku, lightly scratching the bark with his claws as he gazed up into its warm and sheltering boughs. Kagome seated herself against the well, vowing to give him the time he needed, while trying not to worry too much. She knew how Inuyasha felt about her. But this was his first opportunity since returning to his right mind to contemplate where he stood in his relationship with Kikyou, both of them having set aside all thoughts of the other miko last night. He was obviously going to need some time. That mantra didn’t completely assuage her nerves, but it did take the edge off. It also helped when Kirara trotted up to her and hopped into her lap, obviously wanting some attention after a mostly sleepless night. Without the fire-cat’s diligence, she and Inuyasha wouldn’t have been able to drop their guard, even so close to the well, so their intimacy likely would never have happened. Kagome made sure Kirara knew how much she appreciated the opportunity. In the end, she tried to focus on the beautiful morning and the purring feline in her lap, and eventually her mind drifted away from her long wait, as she reveled in the natural splendor of the world around her.
Inuyasha found her with her head tilted back, smiling faintly as she gazed up at the blue sky overhead. He seemed to have made a decision; his brow was furrowed in determination, and his eyes were guarded. It was a ‘battle face’ if she had ever seen one. Count on Inuyasha to treat having a heartfelt conversation the same as mortal combat. She had entertained that reflection before. Was it really only last night? So much had happened in such a short time, and the revelations were not finished yet, if she was reading Inuyasha correctly. He sat next to her, maintaining his silence for several minutes. Still feeling fairly calm, thanks to her quiet meditation, Kagome waited for him to speak.
“The next time I see Kikyou,” he began sadly, “I’ll apologize for being such an ass. But I won’t take back what I said about…her and me. There really isn’t anything between us except for a vow of protection and some memories. And I think…I’ve known that for a while now.”
Kagome reached over and offered him her hand, which Inuyasha took, entwining their fingers, his eyes letting her know how grateful he was for her silent support. He continued, his voice cracking once, his words running together as though the dam holding back his emotions had collapsed spectacularly.
“I just…I didn’t want her to have to hear those things from me. I know she’s dead, and she can’t wander the earth forever…but I always hoped that, maybe after Naraku was dead, she would find peace. That maybe she would return to the afterlife of her own free will, on her own terms…without me having to tell her that I didn’t want to be with her. She didn’t deserve…to hear that from me.”
Kagome sighed softly, leaning against him. Inuyasha reciprocated, so it became unclear who was supporting who. We’re supporting each other, she realized, from this day forth. That thought gave her the confidence to say what she felt compelled to say.
“No, she didn’t,” she admitted quietly, squeezing his hand. “But I think she’ll understand. Kikyou and I…we’ve had our differences in the past.”
Inuyasha scoffed, clearly indicating what he thought of that sentiment. Kagome grinned wryly.
“Okay, so maybe that’s an understatement. But it doesn’t matter. Kikyou’s changed. She’s not the same as she once was. Even I can see that, so I’m sure you can see it too.” She waited for him to nod before continuing. “She didn’t seem heartbroken when you…said what you said. It was more like she was resigned, like she had realized all of it herself, but hadn’t admitted it out loud yet. Then she looked at me…and I think she was asking me to take care of you.
“So, I think Kikyou knows that the two of you don’t have a future together. I think she wants you to live, and be happy. And I know that…she still loves you, in her own way. And because of that, I’m not afraid that she’ll try to take you away from me again. Before, I could never see why you fell in love with her fifty years ago, but now…I think I’m beginning to understand.”
Inuyasha digested her words in silence for a long time, staring solemnly at the grass next to his feet.
“She was like that back then,” he finally stated, his voice hollow, distant. “Not exactly the same, but close. You’re right. Kikyou is becoming more and more like the woman I knew while she was alive. I…I’m glad.”
He glanced over at her, as though fearing her reaction, but Kagome smiled and shook her head. He had loved Kikyou, as much as he was capable at the time. She was sure part of him still loved her. Those feelings would never truly vanish, but that didn’t bother her. If it had, she wouldn’t have allowed herself to join with him last night. It was only natural to remember past love, and to harbor it always deep inside one’s heart. That did not render the blossoming of new love any less beautiful, not when despite his sadness, Inuyasha had left her with absolutely no doubt as to whom his heart truly belonged.
She kissed him then, an innocent affair which the hanyou soon deepened, though not from lust. He took more than he gave, drawing comfort from the softness of her lips, the suddenly shy flirting of her tongue against his own. As his desperation waned, their movements become more languid. Slowly Kagome slipped into a state of wondrous lethargy, her body basking in the most glorious warmth. There was no need to think about anything, or do anything. All she wanted to do was lie here in his arms, and feel. It was perfect.
Eventually he pulled away, and she found that gazing into his golden eyes, shining in the morning light, proved just as profound. They remained that way for some time, cuddled together against the well, sharing sweet kisses which affirmed everything they had discovered the night before.
They might have remained that way all morning, if not for the twin calls of nature which finally forced them to part. When they emerged from behind their respective trees, they felt completely refreshed. Whatever awkwardness existed between them had temporarily given way to a casual sense of ease, which was a most welcome development.
“All right, wench, I’m heading back.”
“Okay, be safe.”
“Kirara, you wanna fly back or ride with me?” The fire-cat leapt up onto his shoulder, providing her answer, and Kagome didn’t blame her one bit for accepting a free ride after carrying her all the way back here last night.
“Let the others know I’m okay,” she told him. “And make sure Shippou-chan is…um…” Inuyasha grimaced at the reminder, his ears drooping with guilt.
“I’m going to have to apologize to those guys, huh?” he wondered miserably.
“It’s okay. They’ll forgive you, even Shippou-chan.” When Inuyasha didn’t look convinced, she decided to lighten the mood.
“You know, while you’re at it, you should probably apologize to Kouga-kun as well.” That had the expected response, namely an outraged hanyou in full bluster.
“What?! Oh, hell no! No way I’m apologizing to that asshole.”
“Well, you did try to kill him…”
“Hell no. Fuck no. And he started it, anyway.”
“Really?” she posed, her skepticism obvious.
“Well…he goaded me into starting it.”
“Wha—that doesn’t even make sense!”
“Keh. Whatever, wench. I’m still not apologizing.”
Kagome sighed dramatically. “You’re hopeless,” she told him, only partially in jest.
“And another thing: stop calling him ‘Kouga-kun,’” he demanded, adopting a ridiculously high-pitched voice which was apparently supposed to be hers.
“Oh, and what would you have me call him then?”
He smirked. “Fleabag. Jackass. Fuckwad. Any of those would do.”
“Baka.”
“That works too.”
“No, you’re a baka. Baka.”
“Keh, the best kind, wench.”
They glowered at each other for a moment, then grinned simultaneously and began chuckling. It felt good to engage in casual banter. They were lovers now, but they were also still friends. Obviously the prospect of having to apologize was still on Inuyasha’s mind, however, for his smile soon faded and he glanced away, blushing mildly. Kagome wondered with no small amount of curiosity what thought had caused that reaction.
“Uh…do you have any of that ‘pocky’ stuff in your bag?”
Kagome tilted her head to the side and gazed at him intensely, her expression likely conveying how proud she was of him in that moment. He flushed deeper, crossing his arms over his chest in flustered fashion.
“It’s just so the next few days aren’t such a pain in the ass,” he added without prompting. “He won’t whine at me as much if he’s stuffing his face.”
“Okay, Inuyasha. I think I have some,” she declared, turning away to hide her knowing smile. If she thought that this was a lame attempt to buy Shippou’s forgiveness, then she would be sorely tempted to shove that box of pocky down Inuyasha’s throat. But that wasn’t it at all. He felt genuinely guilty for hitting Shippou, and wanted to do something nice for him, in addition to making amends. Fortunately for him, the fox kit was a forgiving person; as long as he saw that Inuyasha’s remorse was genuine, the two of them would be just fine. Though I’m sure the pocky will help too…
“Here you go!”
“Thanks,” he muttered, snatching the box from her hands and stuffing it inside his robes, as though concealing the evidence of his kind gesture from any birds and insects which might be observing them. Kagome chuckled under her breath at his antics. He’s such a baka…but he’s my baka. A wave of giddiness washed through her at that thought, but she managed to prevent herself from hopping up and down.
“I’m heading out, Kagome,” Inuyasha told her, the reluctance in his tone readily apparent despite his attempts to hide it. “I’ll see you after your test.”
“After my…test?”
“Yeah,” he answered, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. Kagome sighed mentally. Does he really believe that I don’t want to see him until my test is over? Sure, a couple days to focus on her studies without distraction incarnated in hanyou form would be nice, but her test was almost a week away! Didn’t he know how much she would miss him? He probably did, she realized. Her other friends tried to tell her that Inuyasha always got surly and depressed when she was gone, and now she fully understood the reason why. So…why should they force themselves to remain apart if they were only a quick trip through the time portal away from each other? The answer was obvious. Now, how to convey that to Inuyasha…
“You know,” she cooed, trying for mildly seductive, and succeeding if the way Inuyasha’s eyes widened was any indication. “You don’t have to wait until my test is over to come see m—to come through the well.”
Her hasty, nervous amendment notwithstanding, Kagome was quite pleased with herself. Inuyasha’s gaze followed her every move, as she sauntered toward him with a tiny bit of extra sway in her hips. But she ended up moving a step or two closer than she intended, and soon found herself gazing up at him, equally transfixed by the kindling fire in his gaze. He glanced down to her lips and back up again, his tongue darting out to moisten his own lips. Seeing this, Kagome decided to throw caution to the wind, and make their parting one to remember.
There was a hunger in this kiss, a shared yearning which had not yet flared to life between them this morning. It was there now, teasing and tantalizing, drawing them closer, their hands clutching each other tightly. Kagome deepened the kiss this time, a heady shudder rippling through her as their tongues tangled, shyly at first, then more boldly. A delightful haze settled over her mind, her awareness of the world around her fading away. Soon, it became almost impossible to remember anything except the caress of his lips, and the feeling of his strong arms cosseting her.
Ultimately, it was only persistent concern for her friends which drove her to pull away, stumbling clumsily from his embrace. He really did need to go make sure they were okay…no matter how pleasant it would be to continue where they had left off. It seemed far warmer in this clearing than she remembered, and she could tell the feeling was mutual. Inuyasha stared at her, his expression dazed, a mix of bliss and disappointment. She knew the feeling. As much as she hated to do it, she needed to send him on his way. Before they started something they would have to finish.
“S-so, um…” she stuttered, her embarrassment over her unsteady breathing mollified by the fact that he was equally discomfited. “I’ll see you in a few days, right?”
He nodded hastily, like a kid agreeing to a condition in order to obtain his favorite treat. Kagome grinned, but his enthusiasm caused an amusing yet serious thought to occur to her.
“And don’t push the others too hard to get back here sooner,” she told him, only partially succeeding in her attempt to affect a stern tone. “Miroku-sama and Sango-chan are only human.”
“K-k-keh!” he blustered, spinning around and tossing his hands into the air, at least part of his overly dramatic display for her benefit. Then he stalked off, muttering under his breath, but easily loud enough for her to hear.
“Damn wench…kisses me like that and then tells me not to hurry back. What the hell?”
“Bye, Inuyasha!” she called in between giggles.
“Later, Kagome.”
Then with a final half-hearted wave, he set off at a run and disappeared through the trees, leaving her alone. For a moment, Kagome just stood there, staring at the spot where he had vanished from view. Then her joy came bubbling forth in an uncontrollable rush, and she let it all out, indulging in a well-deserved private celebration. It only lasted a minute or two, but the laughter and exultation did her a world of good. She couldn’t recall ever having been so happy.
Soon her pragmatic mind came back online, however, and she wondered what to do now. She considered going to visit Kaede, but quickly decided against it. Inuyasha would be furious if he found out that she went traipsing through the woods by herself when he wasn’t around. He had probably only left her here by herself because she was standing literally less than five paces from the well. Normally going up against his irrational concern—inevitably covered by a mask of indifference or worse—wouldn’t bother her so much. But why not avoid the fight if possible? She could visit Kaede, along with the rest of her friends, once Inuyasha returned. And perhaps, just perhaps, he wouldn’t don his masks so often with her anymore.
That was a nice idea, but she was getting ahead of herself. This was her first serious relationship, and it had already progressed beyond anything Inuyasha had experienced with Kikyou. They were going to have to learn how to be a real couple, together. Maybe they would take it slow for a while. Well, slower…it was a little late to take it slow. But even if they decided not to be intimate again for the time being, until the other aspects of their lives became less hectic, that didn’t mean that all physical expressions of their feelings were off the table. She had better get in a good two or three days of studying, because when Inuyasha returned, he was going probably to be quite a distraction…and she wasn’t going to mind one bit. He was a hanyou now, so perhaps he wouldn’t be able to express his emotions as clearly as he had last night, but their interaction this morning told her that she didn’t have too much to worry about in that regard.
While they were alone, that is. How they behaved around other people was something else they needed to figure out. Would he want to hide their relationship from their friends? She didn’t think so. There was a difference between hiding something and not advertising it, the latter of which was actually pretty normal, especially in this day and age. Besides, perhaps the cat was already out of the bag, even if Inuyasha didn’t know it yet. The Kami help him if he blushed even once during his inevitable interrogation, lest he accidentally set off Miroku’s sex-dar. The lecher would be on him like a bloodhound.
But she wasn’t going to worry about that either. Or anything else, really. She finally had her Inuyasha back, after a grueling experience that in the end, had enabled them to discover how much they truly meant to each other. So what was there to worry about? They loved each other, and that was all that truly mattered.
Everything else would fall into place.
The End