InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ sister ❯ relief ( Chapter 8 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Sister 7
 
 
 
 
Inuyasha is not in my possession. I cannot afford it. This story does not make me any money. It is just for your entertainment.
 
 
 
I clutched the papers in my hands like an antidote to a poisonous venom. It was the only thing that could save me. My heart beat thundered. I began to sweat. The professor looked at me strangely, `Inuyasha are you ok?' I nodded. I walked out the room. I leant against the walk and took a deep breathe and slowly exhaled. Even I think my reaction is a bit exaggerated but I am at my limit, the end of my proverbial rope. I don't see how long I can stand this pain. The torture of wanting her and being with her is tearing me up inside. I have felt the eternal suffering of sexual frustration and desire being denied. I was keeping up a steady pace of club activities and work to pass the time. This cannot carry on. When one begins to fear going home then some thing must be done. I am in an unfavorable predicament. Mirouku will not always be there to help me in circumstances where I lose control. It is not fair to him to put him in such a position. That is where these papers come in. With these papers I can finally set him free. He won't be guilt trodden and anxious every time he leaves us alone. He won't have to spend his time wondering when I'm going to snap and do something unforgivable. I try to make things easy for him. I stay busy. I work whenever I not at my after school club. I exhaust myself until I can't see straight. But in the end it was for nothing. My body wants what it wants. But I bend it to my will. So, now I'll have to do what is best for all of us. These papers will be just what I need. I looked at them to make sure all things were in order. It will be so hard to leave but it's even harder to stay. I thought I could still be with her as long as I'm in control and don't attack her.
 
On the day she came to live with me, I was stunned. This feeling of immoral depravity that had faded quickly reemerged. She pushed passed me and walked into the predator's den. I crumbled to the ground. She won't set me free. Every time I pull away she reels me back in. I rose and I walked over to the railing afraid of entering the apartment. My boy shivered I had a premonition of doom. There was a strong wind in the area; the weather forecast foretold a tornado. I turned around ready to go in when something rather, someone caught my eye. I saw Kikyou staring at me. Her long skirt wrapped around her ankles, her hair blowing in the wind combined with her fierce glare. She looked just like a witch. She came closer and whispered, `It won't be long now. You'll soon crack and then I'll put you away for life.' She left. She silently sauntered away. If you know what's going on why won't you do something I wanted to ask. Is it fun for you to watch me suffer or do you want to see me stumble and fall? Why do you hate me so much? What have I ever done to you? I tell myself she is just so caught up in her righteousness to understand my pain. She is just too pure to realize my need. I tell myself that if I was someone else it would be different. I tell myself that Kikyou just doesn't understand what it is like to be me. But I know these are all excuses. Making it seem like I was right to do what I did was even worse than what I did to my sister. I am a monster I should make no excuses for myself. I am disgusting. What's right is right and what I feel is wrong.
 
I walked out the university. I stumbled. It's so bright so many colors. It's like a tie and dye shirt. I tried vainly to cover my eyes. There is a throbbing at my temple. My throat's gone dry. The sky is spinning. Why is everything so blurry? My vision is going dim. The lights went out… I woke up later to the worried faces of Sango and Miro in the infirmary. `The nurse said you fainted due to exhaustion,' Miro told me. I had already guessed that. `You need to take some time off and rest,' he continued. `I can't do that,' I mumbled. `Yes you can,' he replied. I said nothing I can't afford to take time off. Not for me I'm doing this for Kagome. `Inuyasha you are jeopardizing your health,' he pleaded. That made me mad. He knows what the problem is but yet still he keeps pushing it. `Miro you know why I can't take time off even if it kills me. I just need to hold on for a few more days then I will take some time of. Ok is that alright with you Mr. Mom,' I finished. Sango looked like she was going to ask the reason why I won't take any time off. I see. So, Miro hasn't told her yet. She still doesn't know. Let's keep it that way. I smile. At that moment I just felt like smiling. A was a washed in the most primitive feeling of giddiness that I have ever experienced for no apparent reason. Mirouku ran his fingers through his hair. He looked as if he was considering something. My mood must have confused him because what ever that seemed funny to me was not amusing him. `You can rest at my place,' he said grudgingly. He must have plans with Sango tonight. I don't want to be an unwanted guest. `No thanks, I need to go to work,' I replied. I got up and found my things. I left the room with Miro and Sango chasing after me. I know I should rest. I know I'm slowly killing myself but this is all I can do. For now…
 
There was only one day left before my flight. The professor had recommended me for an exchange program. I am fluent in English and I am also studying to be a doctor. I am going to study at one of the most prestigious schools in America. The school has dorms so all I need is clothes. All I'll take are clothes. I'll cast aside my old life and I'll try to forget my unreasonable longing for her. So the next time we meet, I will be able to stay by her side. This makes it possible to pack at the last minute. I wanted to leave as soon as possible. It probably sounded strange when I asked for an early morning flight. I got home before my sister I packed my bags and pushed them into the closet where the futons were kept. I don't want her to know I still haven't told her yet. I am just a coward. If she ask me not to go I won't have the heart to tell her I'll leave. I could never tell her no and I don't see myself starting now. It is easier to leave without telling any body. My parents will be angry when they find out I left. Mirouku will be hurt.
 
She came home at six. She has volleyball practice. As she began her usual chores, I got ready to say farewell to this tiny apartment. She prepared the bath while I was packing and by the time I came out of the room she had finished the laundry. `Oni-chan go take a bath, dinner is almost done,' she said without looking up. She entered the bathroom, `Oni-chan I'm here to wash your back,' she said. `It's ok Kaggie I took a shower instead,' I replied. She let herself out. I breathe a sigh of relief. I shall not fall into temptation. But I kept finding myself thinking, just one more time Inuyasha. We ate as she told me about her day. This has become our routine. I start to take note of my surroundings. The pictures on the wall, the wooden floors and the tiny kitchen now are memories for me. This is the last time I'll hear her voice. The last time I'll see her lips pout. The last time I'll see her eye lashes flutter. The last time she'll ever look at me. I have a clean break this time. I will not give in on any occasion and return. No birthdays, anniversaries or school graduations will bring me back. I try to memorize her face for all the time I'll want to see her but won't be able to. I'll take what I can. This even sounds pathetic to me. But I'll take anything I can get. All I'll take are memories. So, I stare at her as she talked, laughed…breathed.
 
Time flew by. Soon it was time for her to go to bed. We watched a movie together then I sent her to her room. It has become agonizing keeping my hands to myself. So I sent her away to safety. She complained for awhile but I stood my ground until finally she went to bed. I wanted to touch her one last time. I wanted to take the taste of her with me. So I waited. I waited until she fell asleep. Until she was vulnerable and unable to escape from me. I waited like a predator for its prey. Under the illusion of safety she fell into my trap. She slept in the bedroom and I slept in the living room. I tell her repeatedly to always keep the door locked. I have never checked but I will tonight. For tonight I will have the freedom to take what I want. But only if the door is open. If the door is open…my heart shudders at the thought. I will not be able to sleep if that door is open and neither will she.
 
My dark intentions swirl around in my head. They strangle me with their ferocity. And stain me in their color. I fought until I could bear no more. See no more. Think no more. I am sick because I'm enjoying my twisted nature. I am perverted because I am enjoying my pain. My soul shudders in torment. My gaze clung to the ceiling. I tossed and turned. I will not commit a sin. Yet still my resolve couldn't curb my desire. I got up and crept down the hall to drown in pleasure. To make my place in hell. Should I enter should I leave? This battle I have had it countless time before. As always I cave. I grasped the handle of the door and it turned obediently in my hand. I pushed the door open and went in. I have surrendered at last for my last taste of my delectable little sister. The giddiness of insanity envelopes me. All is lost.