InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Solace ❯ Catharsis ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Title: Solace
Author: Eloy Brightdreamer
Rating: R
Genre: Angst/Romance
Summary: After a terrible tragedy strikes, how will Inuyasha and Kouga cope?
Warnings:
1. YAOI! This means romance and/or implied sex involving two male characters. Don't like it? Bug off! I will not tolerate flames from people who just don't like yaoi. No one's forcing you to read this. Consider yourself warned.
2. Character death.

A/N: Much much thanks to Aria, my faithful and patient betareader! And humble worship to FireCatRich for the fanart and persistant prodding for updates. ^_^

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Chapter 3: Catharsis

Kouga looked up to see Inuyasha suspended in the air above him, Tetsusaiga raised above his head. Normally, the wolf could have easily dodged such a slow strike, and he knew that Inuyasha was aware of this. Straightening his stance, he closed his eyes and relaxed his arms at his sides, waiting for the final blow.

A split second later, he was knocked to the ground. But, there was no sharp pain of a sword--instead, he felt a heavy weight land on his stomach. Why was he still alive? The wolf prince cracked his eyes open and saw Inuyasha's face right above his. The hanyou was straddling him, one hand still on the hilt of his untransformed sword, which was buried deep in the ground mere inches from Kouga's ear. His golden eyes were wide with shock, and he was breathing heavily.

"What... the hell... are you doing... wolf?"

Kouga let out the breath he'd been holding, then swallowed hard. "Wh-why didn't you do it?" He began to take in great gulps of air, trying to relieve the tight feeling in his chest. It didn't help. He turned his head away, feeling the threat of tears. He would not cry in front of Inuyasha, not now! But the emotions that he'd been holding back for so long would not be suppressed this time. All of the tension gathered itself into one overwhelming, undeniable mass, and forced its way into Kouga's throat. He had expected to be free from the pain today, one way or another, and to be denied that release pushed him over the edge. Kouga's vision blurred, and he blinked several times, which only caused the tears to be freed to trickle from the corners of his eyes down the side of his face. His next gasp sounded suspiciously like a sob to his ears. "Just... please kill me," he whispered, squeezing his eyes closed.

After a long pause, Kouga felt Inuyasha move to the side and pull the sword out of the ground. The wolf youkai quickly sat up, pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his face in his arms. He fervently hoped that Inuyasha would just leave him alone with his misery, but he soon heard a soft rustle of cloth as the hanyou sat directly beside him. Swallowing hard, Kouga did his best to bring himself under control, then turned his head slightly to look at his former rival.

Inuyasha was sitting cross-legged an arm's length away, facing the wolf prince and staring at him with a confused expression. "Why?" was all he said. It was enough to bring Kouga's anger back with a vengeance.

"Why?" he replied furiously. "Why? You shouldn't have to ask that." He lifted his head fully and glared at Inuyasha. "I have nothing to live for! My tribe, my family are all dead, I've lost everything, I've just had to re-learn how to walk, and Kagome... Kagome is gone..." His rage dissipated as a fresh wave of sorrow overcame him. "Gods," he choked. "I loved her... so much..." Tears carved new trails down his face as he continued, his words punctuated by increasingly frequent sobs. "You all thought... I only wanted her... for the Shikon shards... but it was more... than that..." He coughed and swiped his hand across his eyes. "I loved her," he repeated softly. "Her eyes... her smile... her strength... beauty..." he could no longer continue, and laid his forehead back on his knees, his shoulders shaking.

A few long moments passed, silent save for Kouga's quiet anguish. A small noise made him look up. Inuyasha had his head down, his hair curtaining his face from Kouga's view. The hanyou finally spoke. "I know," he said, his voice strained. "Believe me, I know." He covered his eyes with one hand and took a deep, shuddering breath. "At least... at least you told her... she knew how you felt. I never..." A strangled sob cut him short. "I didn't tell her... until the end... and it was too late." He clenched one hand into a fist and pounded his knee. "Why? Why couldn't I...?"

Slowly, tentatively, Kouga moved forward, then reached out and put one hand on Inuyasha's shoulder. "I... I'm sure she knew," he stammered. After a lengthy pause, the hanyou lifted his head and looked Kouga in the eyes. In that moment, Kouga saw the same torment in those golden pools that he felt in his own heart. Overwhelmed by his own emotions and the sorrow radiating off the other, Kouga impulsively reached out and pulled Inuyasha close, wrapping his arms tightly around the boy. Inuyasha stiffened, and made as if to pull away, but Kouga held on until he relaxed. Hesitantly, the hanyou brought one hand up to rest on the wolf youkai's shoulder.

Kouga spoke after a few minutes. "I always thought that I would die fighting Naraku," he said softly. "It was supposed to be my destiny: to avenge my comrades and then join them in the afterlife." He felt tears gather in his eyes again, and brought one hand up to swipe them away. "It should have been me, not her. She was supposed to live... she had so much to live for..." More tears spilled down his face, and he didn't bother to fight them this time. "Why? Why did it have to be her?" He stopped talking as his grief overcame him again.

As though in a dream, he felt Inuyasha's shoulders convulsing, the hanyou's sobs mirroring his own. The two clutched at each other, desperate for something to hold on to as the waves of sorrow crashed over them like a tsunami. In unison, the wolf and the dog lifted their heads and howled a primal scream of anguish at the clear spring sky. Their cry echoed across the hills, bringing a chill to all who heard it.

Inuyasha awoke some time later, shivering slightly as a cool breeze ruffled his hair. He blinked several times, trying to remember where he was. The sky above him was tinged with hues of pink and orange, indicating that the sun was setting. He gradually became aware of a weight pressing on his chest and left shoulder, and he looked down to see a bare, tanned arm lying across him, the fingers clutching at the fabric of his haori. Turning his head slightly, he saw the top of a black-ponytailed head pillowed on his shoulder. One of Inuyasha's own hands was resting on the the small of the wolf prince's back, the other on the arm across his chest. One of Kouga's legs was overlapping the hanyou's, his knee bent over the other's thigh.

Blushing slightly, Inuyasha turned his attention back to the darkening sky. He didn't quite remember falling asleep, but it made sense when he thought about it. Both he and Kouga would have surely been exhausted after that draining emotional breakdown. He could only remember crying himself to sleep once before in his life, when he was a child. His mother's death had been the only thing to previously elicit such a reaction.

But it was probably a good thing--both he and Kouga had needed this cathartic release. It felt as though a great weight had been lifted from him, washed away by the cleansing tears. Normally, he would have been ashamed to have anyone see him cry, especially Kouga. But this shared sorrow was different, somehow. Having someone with him, one who knew what he was feeling as he lost control... it was comforting, not embarrassing. They had been both repressing their grief for so long, it was inevitable that the break would come soon. It was better that they be together when it happened... though he began to wonder why he was still holding the other man.

Inuyasha's thoughts were interrupted by Kouga's deep sigh, indicating the wolf's awakening. The hanyou quickly removed his hands from the other man's back and arm, resting them on the ground. Kouga stretched and groaned, disentangling himself a bit from Inuyasha's body. Blue eyes blinked sleepily, then lifted to meet wide golden ones. Their gazes held for a long moment, then Kouga pulled away, sitting up with a faint blush coloring his cheeks. After a few seconds of vaguely uncomfortable silence, the wolf youkai cleared his throat and spoke.

"So... um... I guess we should be getting back?"

Inuyasha nodded. "Yeah, probably." He stood, avoiding meeting Kouga's eyes as he surveyed the area with quick glances. He frowned at the sight of storm clouds gathering in the opposite direction from the village. "They'll be wondering where we went." He was a bit annoyed that they'd slept for so long, away from "home." He could only hope that Miroku and Sango would be able to handle whatever might have happened while he was gone. But with Sango apparently pregnant, and Miroku's wind tunnel gone... well, there was no telling. Now that Kouga was mobile again, though, perhaps things might get a little easier. He turned his attention back to the wolf prince, just in time to see him struggling to his feet.

Apparently, their battle had taken its toll on the youkai's still-healing body. Almost as soon as Kouga was upright, his knees buckled, and he began to fall with a soft curse. Without a second thought, Inuyasha reached out to catch him, slinging one of the wolf's arms over his shoulder and supporting him with his other hand around his waist. Kouga grunted in protest, but his arm tightened over the hanyou's shoulders as he regained his balance. "Don't expect me to thank you," he grumbled.

"Keh! I just don't want to have to carry you back," Inuyasha scoffed in return. "And I wouldn't want the guilt trip if you got yourself killed if I left you out here. So let's go, already."

The shadows deepened as the two made their slow trek back through the forest. Few words were exchanged, as each man was lost in his own thoughts. Whenever the young wolf would stumble, Inuyasha's grip would tighten, keeping him upright. A low rumble of thunder in the distance caught their attention, and the wind gusted around from behind, carrying the scent of rain and causing Inuyasha's hair to sweep around them like a cloak. Kouga's halting steps gradually became more stable, but he kept his arm around Inuyasha for support.

As they approached the village, Kouga suddenly stopped short, sniffing the air warily and pulling Inuyasha to a halt. The hanyou glanced over at him, the annoyed comment dying on his lips as he caught the worried look on the other's face. "What is it?" he asked in a low voice.

"Something's wrong," Kouga replied, his body tensing. "Can't you sense it?"

Inuyasha took a deep breath, taking in the scent of the forest, the approaching storm, the wolf beside him... and more faintly, the smell of youkai and blood. "A fight," he stated, releasing Kouga's arm. "You stay back," he growled, shooting the other a stern glare before taking off running.

Only moments later, Inuyasha felt a presence beside him, and he turned his head to see Kouga keeping pace, still limping slightly. "What do you think you're doing?" the half-demon growled. "I told you to stay back!"

Kouga grinned at him, though the expression was tinged with pain. "Think I'm gonna listen to what you tell me?"

"Fine! Then don't blame me when you get hurt!" Inuyasha yelled, speeding ahead. "Stupid wolf," he grumbled through clenched teeth.

He immediately forgot his annoyance with Kouga as he burst into the clearing outside the village. It appeared as though an entire horde of centipede youkai had attacked. The ground was covered in blood and dead demons, and the stench of battle permeated the air, making the hanyou's stomach churn. Still more youkai writhed and squirmed around the hut containing the Shikon no Tama, crackling against the barrier surrounding it. Kaede was kneeling before the door, her hands clasped as she chanted, a look of intense concentration on her wrinkled features. Sango stood nearby, tears streaming down her face as she fought, alternating between boomerang and sword. The reason for her emotion was soon evident as she shifted position: Miroku lay motionless behind her, face-down on the ground, either unconscious or...

Not wanting to think about the possibility, Inuyasha immediately jumped into the fray, unsheathing Tetsusaiga. As he fought his way toward the hut, he heard Kouga's yells from behind him, indicating that the wolf had joined the battle as well. The hanyou slowed his progress slightly, allowing the other to catch up. Even without his Shikon shards, Kouga could still hold his own-his powerful punches and kicks blew through the skittering creatures.

Fighting back to back, the two worked their way through the overwhelming mass of demons to the protective barrier. Once they reached Sango's side, Inuyasha released a devastating Kaze no Kizu, disintegrating the remaining youkai.

That done, the hanyou turned back to Sango, who had gathered Miroku's still form into her arms, her tears mingling with the blood and dirt on his face. Inuyasha sighed softly in relief as the monk stirred slightly and moaned. At least he's alive... Kouga dropped to one knee nearby, breathing heavily, a pained expression on his face.

The demon-slayer looked up at Inuyasha, her eyes still glistening. "We can't do this any more," she gasped. "It's that cursed jewel... something's got to be done!"

To Be Continued...