InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Spiritual Machines ❯ Middle of Yesterday ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Spiritual Machines

Chapter One

Middle of Yesterday

[General POV - Spotlight's on Inuyasha]

You feel the love

You feel the past

It's all the things

You thought you had

He could see himself running after her, wondering why they were taking her away, only to be beaten back by the unfriendly villagers.

Discrimative bastards.

They had been friendly to others, taken many normal orphans under their wing.

But not him.

Since that fateful day when his mother had died, the start of a bleak, unfriendly future, his mind had been half-eaten away from the self-disgust that tortured him.

He could see her, drifting away from his childish form, her face sad and wistful.

But her features changed, younger now, her expression contorted into fear and agony so great he lifted his now-grown hands towards his eyes, hoping to block out his own terror.

It was Kagome, who had encouraged, yelled at and sat him into believing that maybe he - and the rest of the world - was not the shit he had always known.

The thought of her being torn painfully away from him, causing his dimming light to go out, was too much to bear.

He begged for it to end, to be saved from this nameless fear.

He finally got his wish - he woke up, saw her face sleeping peacefully, and fell back into oblivion.

Oh, well I woke up in Hell today

Well I woke up depressed and drained

But that's ok `cause I promised

Not to hurt you again.

“Is something wrong Inuyasha? You're kind of…pale…” asked Kagome, a touch worried about the hanyou she'd come to care so much about.

“I'm fine. You worry too much.” He snapped back at her, marveling at the irony.

No matter if he was sleeping or awake, when his mind was idle, his heart was gripped with a fear so great that he would lose her, that he never got a moment's peace.

But automatically he saw the hurt on her face and winced.

“S-sorry! Helping isn't against the law you know, even back here!” she replied indignantly, and then so quietly that only one with ears such as Inuyasha's could pick it up, “I'm always here if you want to talk…” she muttered, then looked away, utterly miserable.

His mind took awhile to process that, for he was again preoccupied.

“I, I know…” was the barely audible, yet thick with half-there emotion response.

Surprised, she looked up at her beloved Inuyasha's face, only to see his expression drawn into the utmost pain she thought possible to be seen on one face.

“Inuyasha…” she said, reaching her hand up to touch his shoulder.

“NO!” his eyes flew open and he ran off, trying to get away.

“O-osuwari!” was the shaky command issued from her mouth, causing her conscience to sink lower than his body went, crashing into the ground.

“I was only trying to help! Don't run away...and I'm sorry I had to do that, it was the only way…” she muttered, sad and embarrassed.

“Your apologies always come to late, woman!” he spat, menace in his breaking voice.

“FINE!” she yelled back, her depressed heart hiding behind her anger.

With that, she immediately turned around and went the other way.

But something was troubling her.

“When He opened his eyes…” she mused out loud. “Was that…”

“…Fear?”

Well apparently I'm to blame

Well apparently I've been framed

By memory that

Won't tell me what's happening

“She's right…I haven't been myself lately…Keh! You could even say it's her fault!” Wrong, wrong, all wrong, said the truth. It's not lately, you've always been afraid of being alone.

Today, Inuyasha had not the strength to argue, and merely picked himself off the ground, trudging aimlessly in the direction they had been originally heading.

Lost in his own thoughts, being his own cannibal again, Inuyasha's mind was tormented with the endless questions and answers.

Why did he yell at her? Because he was afraid.

Why did she sit him? Because he was a bastard to her.

Why NOW did the dreams begin? Because now, with the threat of Naraku drawing ever nearer, he was terrified for their fates.

Why was his mother involved? Because he had loved her, as he loved Kagome, and she had left him.

Why did Kagome keep coming back to him?

This, this was the question that ate him alive.

Striving to know the answer, yet not wanting to ask.

Was it really only to fix her blunder of the Shikon no Tama?

Was he just another `petty' demon she had to put up with?

He hoped not.

But all this, all these questions, were swept away when he heard the all-too familiar scream of terror.

He sped off, with only one thought on his now-one-track mind.

“Kagome!”

Out of mind

Out of soul

Out of line

Out of Control

Shortly, he saw the demons terrorizing her, saw her terrible predicament.

There were two demons, one had her pinned and held in the air, while the other, laughing horribly, had finished giving her multiple scratches, and was reaching for the Shikon Shards hanging from her abused neck.

Shocked to see that she had an angry hanyou on her side, the lesser demon decided to finish it off quickly, and began to take a tight hold on her neck.

Suffocated screams filled the air.

“KAGOME!!” Inuyasha screamed, drawing out the Tetsusaiga.

“Kaze no Kizu!” he yelled, quickly destroying the demon trying to take her life.

Since the other one was too close to Kagome, he merely sliced it in half, catching her as he fell from it's clutches.

“Baka…” he said quietly, once she was safe in his arms. “How did you get yourself into that one?”

“It wasn't my fault!” she said, sobbing into his chest. “They just came at me while I was walking! They kept…slicing at me…and I couldn't fight them off!” dissolving into a fresh fit of tears, that was all the terrified Kagome could get out.

Inuyasha sighed, he couldn't bear to see her in such distress.

“I know it's not your fault…it's mine.” He stopped walking, and closed his eyes, so he didn't see her teary eyes look up at him.

“I…never should have let you go off by yourself like that…”

Once again, Kagome witnessed that terrible agony come over his face, and it tore her apart to see him so miserable.

She put her arms around his neck, and he pulled her even closer towards him, as if terrified of having her leave.

“Inuyasha…I told you I'm always here for you…and it wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have run off like that.”

“Kagome…I-I don't know what I'd do without you around…” he muttered.

Her eyes widened as she took in this rare confession. Could he possibly be returning her feelings in the slightest? Truly?

Standing in the

Middle of yesterday.

When it all went wrong

And we made mistakes

“I-I know that I don't tell you what's on my mind…” he began, than stopped.

Was he really ready to tell her how he felt?

Could he handle her reaction?

“I wish you would…” came the murmur from below, giving him more confidence.

“Kagome…I don't want to lose you…ever.”

“…But I'm not going anywhere…”

“Nothing in this life I've had has lasted…always drifting away…”

“Well I'm sorry…” said the confused girl. “…But I think I'm permanent!”

“I wish that I knew that for sure…will any of us survive Naraku?”

“As long as I have you, I have nothing to worry about.” She whispered. Inuyasha…I only wish that you could feel as secure as I do…I wish that you could have someone to fall back on when you're feeling down…and I wish that it could be me… she silently added.

“Why? Why do you feel so safe if I'm there? I wish it could be justified…but I'm just me…nothing special.”

She looked up and saw him looking down at her, with genuine puzzlement in his eyes beneath the sadness and pain that she didn't understand.

“Inuyasha…you've always been special to me…and you always will be.” She said, then looked away, afraid of what would happen next.

“K-Kagome…” he stuttered. Why can't I say the same thing back? I wish you could know how I feel…but I can't say it…

Kagome slipped out of her bridal-like position in her arms so she could stand up. Her legs were a little shaky from their rough treatment, but she hung onto Inuyasha to steady herself.

Before she could hold herself back, her arms were around him squeezing him so tight towards her his eyes went wide in shock and his air was almost cut off.

And then, his arms were around her once again, and she felt complete, a moment of peace in this world of confusion.

I'm sorry for the things

I forgot to say

But it won't be long

And it'll be ok

“Come on…let's get you cleaned up.” He said his voice distant once more, his eyes not quite…there, still filled with that everlasting sadness that seemed never to go away.

He picked his up again, this time piggyback style, and began slowly walking to a nearby stream where he could wash her scrapes.

“I'm sorry…” he muttered. She started.

“But why? You haven't done anything…” she said, confused once more.

“For letting it get like this.” He replied, not looking at her.

“I told you…it was my fault that this happened…”

“Not just that. All of this. Us.” He said. Sorry for drifting so far apart from you, for not being honest when you always have been with me. Sorry for letting you fall into danger, and then having you thank me for hauling you out again.

Sorry for not telling you that I care…

They finally reached the stream, and he set her down, where she took a rag out of her pocket and began tearing it into strips.

She took a strip, dipped it in the freezing water, and washed one of the many scratches and wounds.

Soon, however, her hands became too numb to do the job, her fingers slipping when she attempted to tie it around.

As she tried once more, the cloth was ripped from her grasp. “Let me.” Sighed Inuyasha, as he dipped it into the water and gently began to wipe away the blood and dirt from her injuries.

Blushing happily, Kagome laid down on the grassy riverbank and enjoyed the feel of the cool water on her aching muscles. Soon she was fast asleep, a small smile on her face.

Seeing her peaceful face, Inuyasha couldn't help but smile as he picked her up to carry her to a nearby tree, in which he tucked her in his Fire Rat Robe and settled her down on a branch beside him.

Oh, I promised you I would change

I'm an asshole and I'm ashamed

And I'm upset `cause I betrayed

Everything that you gave

Kagome was so warm and happy, she just didn't want to wake up. But unfortunately for her, she couldn't fall asleep again, so she finally opened her eyes.

She found herself in Inuyasha's arms, on a tree branch, with him fast asleep, a troubled expression on his face.

“Kagome…” she heard, and looked up, seeing that he was still sleeping, yet far from peacefully it seemed, for his face was twisted into an even more worried look.

Kagome blushed. Is he dreaming about me? She wondered, hoping that if he was, her dream self would bring him comfort.

“Don't leave…” he whispered, still trapped in his dreams, his voice more urgent, and more afraid.

“I'm right here beside you…and I'm not going anywhere…” she murmured, trying to calm him.

He gasped in his sleep, and a bead of sweat fell down his forehead.

Kagome then decided it was probably better to wake him up, and save him from his dreams.

“Inuyasha…Inuyasha…” she whispered, shaking his head gently. “Wake up…”

His eyes flew open and his head snapped up. His face was a mask of absolute terror.

“Kagome!” he said, shivering and his teeth chattering, although it was a warm morning.

“I'm here for you…what are you dreaming about?” she asked him.

“I can't say…it's too…too terrible…” he said, and she had the feeling he was still half living his nightmare.

That's always been my mistake. I never tell her anything about myself. Can I change that now? He thought.

“You…and, and mother…drifting away from me…I was all alone in the dark…with no one to hold on to…” he whispered, his voice a ghost and his eyes wide in the fear that still gripped him.

“M-me? Is that…so bad?” she breathed back, doubting that he was telling the truth, yet reverently wishing it to be so.

“More that you'll know…” he closed his eyes and his agony seemed so great that Kagome's heart ached for the Hanyou of her dreams.

Will you ever let me explain?

Can I beg you to let me stay?

Don't quit me

`Cause I'll never let this happen

It was later that day, hours away from their treetop conversation, and Kagome was still pondering over what he had said.

“More than you'll know…”

What could it mean?

What should she do?

Could she summon the courage to tell him how she really felt?

Inuyasha was meanwhile pondering similar questions.

“M-me? Is that…so bad?”

He had tried to tell her, tried to get the words out, but he couldn't.

The last time he had loved, he had been at her mercy.

Could he risk it again?

But Kagome was different, he knew. She didn't try and take advantage of other people. She didn't let hate get in the way of her love.

Wait.

He didn't even know if she felt the same way. She certainly didn't know how he felt, when it came to her.

Could he summon the courage to tell her how he really felt?

“Inuyasha - “

“Kagome - “

In perfect unison they said each other's names, and then once again took the easy way out. They both turned away, cheeks reddened, and swore to try again another time.

Out of mind

Out of soul

Out of line

Out of control

When night fell, and both of them had failed many times at trying to be courageous, they finally conceded defeat and stopped to rest at an abandoned shack.

At opposite ends of the single room, they were both silent, lost in their own doubting minds.

Both of them uttering a single silent question.

How?

I can't take this much longer. Screamed the mind of Inuyasha. I'll either have to say it, or leave. I can't stand living a lie around her like this.

This is getting so frustrating. Thought Kagome. I keep on trying to tell him, but my mouth has a mind of it's own. If I don't get it out soon, I'll just have to go back home. I can't be around him when he doesn't know my feelings…but how can I leave him when it seems like he needs me more than ever? And I need him?

Soon, as night fell even further, Kagome began to shiver, because a skirt is great for regular conditions, but on a cold night it just didn't cut it.

“Here.” Said a voice as the familiar red robe dropped at her feet. “You've been shivering for twenty minutes now. Put this on before you freeze to death.”

She gratefully accepted the warm kimono, snuggling down deep inside of it, but somehow, tonight, it wasn't enough to keep out the chill. She continued to shiver.

“Are you sick or something?” asked Inuyasha, his annoyance hiding his concern.

“N-n-o, I-I-I-m n-not, it j-just seems r-really c-c-cold in h-here!” was the reply from somewhere under the robe. Kagome's face was so cold she couldn't stand it being out in the open any longer, and so she completely submerged herself underneath the robe.

Standing in the

Middle of yesterday

When it all went wrong

And we made mistakes

All of a sudden, Kagome's skin finally began to heat up a little, and she felt surprisingly warm. She opened her eyes and noticed that Inuyasha had moved in beside her, and wrapped his arm around her in an attempt to get her warmed up.

“Inuyasha…” she said, staring at him and blushing.

“You're freezing, and obviously you're not going to warm up yourself. So unless you want to die in here, don't say a word!” he said, looking away from her.

“…I was going to say thank you…it's much warmer now…” she whispered, snuggling closer into his warm shoulder.

Cheeks flaming, Inuyasha looked down at her peaceful face as she drifted off to sleep.

Funny, he thought. I seem to be doing this a lot lately…not that I mind.

And then the nightmares began again.

It seemed that as soon as he shut his eyes he snapped them open again, once more haunted by the vision of darkness.

He knew he would get no decent sleep tonight.

Gently placing Kagome on the floor, Inuyasha got up and left the hut, but staying nearby as to keep an eye on her.

He hopped up into a nearby tree and pondered the starlight.

With himself barely conscience of it, words came out of his mouth in a haunting melody.

“My heart is torn

It feels like the end

Will all I care for

Soon be dead?

Why is life so painful?

Why is life so hard?

The moon only stares back

With the chilled glow of stars.

If I leave this place -

Will someone have to die?

Could I ever come back?

Could I come to say goodbye?

My world is falling apart

Without this one last light

But somehow it's not there

On this cold and lonely night.

This pain is deep -

It seems a forever

Could I move on from her?

The answer is never.”

It was only when he finished, and came out of his trance, that he discovered that he had had an audience.

I'm sorry for the things

I forgot to say

But it won't be long

And it'll be ok

Kagome stared up at him, frightened.

“You're not … leaving?” she whispered. In a second he was down from his tree, staring back in surprise that she had heard.

“Why did you come out here?” he said softly, his eyes reflecting the indecision in his heart.

“I heard a voice…and you weren't in the shack…so I just wondered where you had gone. You're not leaving now, are you!?” she asked more persistently.

He took a step back, and she walked forward, continuing the motion until he had backed up against the tree.

“I…I don't know…” he stuttered.

“You're actually thinking of it, you mean?” her eyes filled with tears.

“I might…have t-too…” he said distractedly as he looked for an escape but found none, because Kagome was only a foot away from him now.

“How could you e-even th-think of d-doing that to m-m-me?!” she cried, her voice breaking.

“I didn't know when…I didn't know how…I didn't know for how long…”

But how can I stay here, living a lie?

“Inuyasha…” she whispered, terror in her eyes. “I thought you didn't want to be … alone…”

“I don't!” was the reply so fierce that Kagome backed up a little.

“Then why…would you leave?”

“Because I can't…” stay here, you torture me…

“Inuyasha…you never tell me your feelings. I always have to guess what's going on in your head. But…can't you just try, just this once?” she said desperately.

I don't know what I'd do without you…don't leave me now…

“What about whenever you leave through the well? You don't say when you'll be back. This is the same thing, isn't it? Not knowing?”

“Are you trying to…get back at me or something? Sometimes, even if I didn't want to leave, I knew I had to! Or sometimes, I can't be around you because you…you either make me cry, smile or get mad!” Do I do the same to you? I can't know…you never tell me…

It seemed that something she said had finally gotten through.

“That's not…how it is…” he said, but he was clearly shocked; his eyes had widened and his face had gone deathly pale.

You feel the love

You feel the past

It's all the things

You thought you had

You feel the love

You feel the past

It's all the things

You thought you had

All the things you thought you had…

All of a sudden Kagome seemed to have had enough. With one final depressed, frightened look, she turned away and walked slowly back.

When she was standing in the doorway, about to go in, she turned around and gave her final plea.

“I can't make your decision for you. Do what you want. But please…think of me…”

And with that, she went back into the shack, prepared to spend a lonely sleepless night, leaving the Hanyou undecided, unaware and heavy-hearted.

Well…how can I leave now? Why did she have to make this harder than I make it on myself?

I'm doing this for her.

At this point in the night, Inuyasha didn't care, he went back into the tree and let the nightmares take him.

Standing in the middle of yesterday

When it all went wrong

And we made mistakes

I'm sorry for the things I forgot to say

But it won't be long

And it'll be ok

The next morning, when Kagome woke up and looked outside to see if Inuyasha was still there, she was met with a sad sight.

For the first time ever, Inuyasha had fallen out of his tree.

She quickly walked outside, to make sure he was all right, and when she saw he had been knocked out cold, Kagome dragged him back into the shack to get a better look.

The good news: nothing appeared to be broken.

The worse: The expression of fear was on his face, and he still wasn't waking up, despite her efforts.

Finally, after about an hour of worrying, Kagome heard a gasp from the figure beside her.

“Inuyasha! Are you ok?” she anxiously leaned over to be closer to him.

“I never had nightmares like this before…I guess I turn in my sleep…” he said, smiling weakly, but his eyes bloodshot and his face white as a sheet.

“I'm … sorry…about yesterday…” he said, closing his eyes.

“I shouldn't have overreacted. Don't worry about it.” She said, not meeting his eyes.

“Was that all it was? Overreacting?” his voice broke.

She looked sharply over at him. “Probably not.” She said.

“I'll…make it up to you…”

We'll make it up to you

We're gonna make it up to you

We'll make it up to you.

A/N - WOW that was a LOOOONNNGGG chappy! I never thought that songfics could be so hard…you actually have to finish the song! I guess that chapters might not be up as often as I thought they would be then…but hopefully I'll get the hang of it! Hope you liked it better than the intro! R&R!!!

Just so you know…

The poem that Inuyasha sang was by no means mine. It was written by my cousin Kelly, and I only altered it slightly to make it fit. [Referring to pet rat, Jezibel]

ORIGINAL:

My heart is torn

It feels like the end

My little hunny's gone

My little Jezi's dead.

Why is life so painful?

Why is life so hard?

She has gone to a better place.

My little Jezi's gone.

She will rejoin Laya sister's pet rat, deceased also.

In the sky so high

And maybe she'll look down on me

And maybe she'll say goodbye.

The earth shall fall apart

Without angels like her

And maybe then others

Will feel my hurt

My pain is deep

Goes on forever

The time when it will be quenched is never

My little baby's gone forever.

--Kelly

--Kicnlus

Aka, Inuyasha le Stenning