InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Stealing Heaven ❯ Truths, Beautiful Amidst Pain ( Chapter 22 )

Chapter Twenty-Two

Truths, Beautiful Amidst Pain

"Um . . ." Kagome was partly shocked to see him standing there, partly kicking herself, because she felt she should have guessed he'd stop by and, even if he only remained for a moment, that would be enough for her. Moving aside and sweeping her hand out, she stumbled on, "P-please, come in."

Professor Taisho gave a brief, nodding bow and stepped in, allowing her to close the door behind him. His amber gaze skittered quickly over the room as he removed his shoes, before letting his eyes land on her. "How are you holding up?"

She uttered a small, mirthless laugh as she walked around him and made her way back to the draped table. "Better than my mother and brother are, but that's not saying much."

"Higurashi . . ." he said softly and she had to force herself not to turn toward him. His presence was too comforting to her already and she didn't want to be comforted, not right now, she wanted to feel this pain, wanted to hold onto it and let it remind her of how harsh her reality was.

Letting out a heavy, though short sigh he stepped around her and set an envelope on the table beside the others. "I didn't come by merely to drop this off and express condolences. If you need to talk, I'm here."

Another completely humorless chuckle escaped her as she leaned her hands on the table for support and let her head fall back, staring up at the ceiling for a moment. Why did he have to say exactly the right thing at exactly the right moment?

And why- oh sweet gods why- did she have to be in love with the one man she couldn't really have?

"You didn't have to do this," she muttered, tapping the envelope lightly with the tip of her finger, forcefully ignoring how being so close to him made her feel, "you didn't know my grandfather."

"That is true, but I know you and I would like to think that over these months we've become friends." Along with her emotions, she ignored that for the briefest second he'd paused, he'd been about to say they'd become close, but had been of the presence of mind to interject the more appropriate word at the last moment. "To not come here . . . to not give an offering would be denying that fact. You should know me, by now, I think and denying facts is simply not in my nature."

She nodded slowly, reaching with suddenly, oddly numb fingers to pick up the pen and jot his name down on the pad. "Would you like . . . a cup of coffee or something?"

Kagome did turn to look at him, then, to see him wearing a small, sad, whisper of a smile. "Please."

Giving another nod, she turned on a heel, trying to avoid looking at him again as she started for the kitchen. Soft, sturdy footfalls sounded behind her and she wasn't certain if she was glad that he was following her or angry about it. He wasn't going to be happy until she broke down in front of him, was he?

"If you tell me where everything is, I can do it," he offered in a low, even tone.

"No," she said quickly as she began rummaging through cabinets to retrieve ground coffee and the sugar bowl. "I need to . . . keep doing things. I don't mean to seem rude, but . . . maybe you don't understand. I have to keep functioning."

For a long moment it was silent, save for the sound of her preparing the coffee maker before he gave a slow, brief nod. "I understand," was all he said in reply.

Kagome didn't let her mind work on that, didn't turn it over at all. He was eventually going to let her into his heart, and she, by now, was certain she hadn't needed Myoga's advisement to help her grasp that. Though Myoga's words had let her realize something . . . that Professor Taisho's pain was tied to the loss of someone dear to him. And his wounds were something she didn't have the ability to cope with at the moment, not now while she was dealing with her own.

"Where's Ryoushi? I thought she'd be here hanging over your shoulders."

It was a wonder that she managed a quick, genuine laugh at that. "She's coming by this afternoon. After classes . . . speaking of which, shouldn't you be teaching right now?"

"Personal day. Though technically, this is business as I'm partly here on behalf of the school, to express the sympathies of the faculty."

"I see," she murmured with a faint grin as she turned to face him, resting a hip back against the counter. She should have known he'd have found some completely plausible and appropriate way to smooth over his absence and not make it seem like favoritism.

It was silent, again, for a few moments, before she found herself blurting out to him- in that way that his mere presence seemed to always coax some bit of truthfulness out of her. "I knew, ya know . . . I knew he was going to pass."

"It was because of the feelings you get?"

She gave a short nod before stopping herself. "Yes and no. Myoga . . . gave me a veiled warning. I was . . . so mad at him at first, but then I realized he did it so I'd be prepared . . . so that I could be here for my family. If not, I'd be as much of a mess as my mom, right now. But even knowing . . ." she let her voice trail off for a moment as she lowered her eyes, "I'm still not handling it well . . . like at all."

"Higurashi . . ." he whispered her name, just the barest thread of sound, mixed in with, and nearly buried under the sound of the rumbling and dripping of their battered, antiquated coffee maker. "You don't have to do this."

"Do what? Make coffee?"

He frowned, taking a step closer to her. She knew what he was saying, but was deliberately avoiding it, and they were both aware of that. "You don't have to be strong all the time. No one can be."

"Yes I do! I do have to, and I can!" Strong? He thought she was strong? She wanted to yell at him, wanted to curl her little hands into fists and punch him in the chest until she felt even marginally better! If he'd only known how often over these last few months she'd broken down in tears! How was that the trademark of any sort of strength?

"I have to do this!" She reiterated, reflexively wiping her palms across dry cheeks as she went on. "I have to be the strong one. My mother can't be right now, Souta's trying, but he can't do it, either! He's just a boy who's lost the father-figure in his life for the second time! I have to be the one to hold them up."

"And what about you?"

"What about me? I'll be fine."

Another step closer and suddenly he was right in front of her and she couldn't help lifting her gaze to meet his then. "It's not a weakness to admit that you can't do everything yourself, Higurashi. There are moments when even the strongest person needs help holding it together."

Lids drifted slowly closed over instantly watering blue eyes, forcing an unwanted tear to break free and roll down her cheek. "Yeah, well . . . I don't have anyone to hold me up."

Before she knew it, he'd pulled her into his arms, gently pressing her face against the hollow of his shoulder. She couldn't fight the way her body relaxed so easily into his, couldn't escape the acknowledgment of how strong and sturdy his form was as he cradled her. Instantly she was giving in, letting herself loose all the crying, all the tears she'd been holding in since that dreadful moment she'd heard the words spoken aloud yesterday.

"I hope," he whispered softly against her hair, barely heard over her wracking sobs, "that in the future you . . . will find that person that can hold you up, Higurashi."

She gave a short, stilted nod at that. Amidst the bright, glimmering pain that was washing out of her, she understood that he was talking about himself, talking about the day when they'd no longer be teacher and student. She hoped, too, distantly albeit, that when that day come, the world hadn't worked to pull them out of one another's lives.

"Oh gods, Kagome," she heard her mother's tear-stricken voice from the back door then and immediately pulled away from the professor- though she knew the hug had appeared completely platonic, that she'd broken down, and he was simply comforting her in the way anyone would have- and turned toward the woman, wiping at her eyes.

"My baby," Mrs. Higurashi was saying as she rushed forward, gathering her daughter into her own arms, "I'm so sorry . . . I've been ignoring you, haven't I?" She raised tired, red-rimmed eyes to the man standing in her kitchen, the gentleman she recognized from the university and brief discussion at the airport when she'd been placing her daughter's well-being in his hands for two months in a foreign country. "Professor Taisho . . . thank you for being here for her."

"He came by on behalf of the faculty," Kagome was rushing to explain, letting the last of her tears work their way out of her throat, "I was talking to him about gran'pa and just sort of broke down. I'm sorry, momma."

Disbelief skittered into the older woman's expression as she looked from Professor Taisho to her daughter, placing her hands on the girl's shoulders and pulling her up to meet her gaze. "No, no. Don't apologize. I've been so caught up with . . . everything and you've been so good and so helpful I just thought you . . . were okay."

"It's alright, momma," she said, forcing a small, empty smile as she pulled away to retrieve some mugs from the cabinet, "you've had a lot to deal with, I understand. I just . . . needed to get it out of my system. I am okay. Do you want a cup? I remembered my manners and offered Professor Taisho some, but there's a whole pot."

"Where are my manners?" Mrs. Higurashi said, trying her level-best to affect a light tone as she bowed to Professor Taisho. "Thank you so much for helping our family through this trying time."

He gave that short, nodding bow of his. "You're very welcome."

Blue eyes rolled suddenly- Kagome didn't know if she was grateful for the reprieve or upset that her mother had interrupted one of her few and fleeting moments with Taisho Sesshomaru. "Momma? Coffee?"

Her mother managed a weak grin, offering the professor a light shrug. "Only half a cup, Kagome. I actually came in to get something to drink, my throat's a bit dry. She's always been so good at compartmentalizing," the woman was remarking to him in something of an observational statement.

Kagome gave a quick, light chuckle as she finished preparing her mother's coffee and handed it to her. "And she so adores when you talk about her like she isn't here."

"Sorry," her mother took a sip, nodding in approval as Kagome turned back to begin fixing the professor's coffee. "In any regard, I'm glad it's you that the university sent. Kagome's always spoken so highly of you."

"Has she now?" he asked in a tone that rather effectively- though Kagome knew him well enough to know it was false- feigned surprise. "It can be difficult to tell what she thinks of things outside of the field, she is very work-oriented."

Kagome's teeth sank so deeply into her lower lip she it was a wonder she hadn't drawn blood as she turned toward the professor, staring daggers at him as she handed him his mug and turned back again to begin, finally, preparing her own. Despite the severe scowl she was fighting to hide, she was a little calmed by the idea that they were able to distract her mother from the day's sad proceedings, if even only for a moment. It was supposed to be a solid twenty-four hours of intense mourning, but everyone needed time to breathe, didn't they?

"Oh, yes," her mother said almost brightly, "there have been times when I couldn't get her to stop talking about you! The respect she has for you, the way you handled all of those upsetting 'stumbles' at the excavation so smoothly . . . your dedication to your field. And she's so passionate about the work. Not to push you out of your spotlight, but I kind of think she's going to be the 'next Professor Taisho' when her time comes."

"Momma, please!" Kagome couldn't help her exasperation at her mother's gushing. "That is so embarrassing!"

"It's quite alright, Higurashi," the professor was saying lightly, and she could just tell he was hiding a bit of amusement at her expense behind his serene and thoughtful expression. "It can be easy to forget that amongst all those students who come and go and eventually forget you, there are those who are grateful for the steps that go into educating them."

"Exactly! You see, Kagome," her mother said as she finished her coffee and set the mug down on the counter, "it's not embarrassing at all. He should know he has the respect of his students."

Kagome laughed in a slightly self-deprecating way- why did parents never understand? "I think he was already aware without you making it sound like I'm listening to his lectures with puppy-dog eyes."

"I did not make it sound that way," Mrs. Higurashi replied, shaking her head lightly. "I should be getting back now. Will you be staying long?"

He pointedly avoided glancing at Kagome as the girl sipped from her mug, looking as though she wished she could be anywhere else in the world right now. "For a little while, I should think."

"Perhaps you should stay and join us for dinner later?"

Kagome nearly spit up coffee on herself. "Mother! I really don't think that's appropriate."

"I wouldn't want to impose," he said lightly, giving the fractional quirk of a brow at Kagome's dramatic reaction, but otherwise, rather effectively, ignoring it.

Her mother was waving dismissively at both of them. "Nonsense, both of you. It's not inappropriate, any other day he is your professor, but today he is a friend of the family and it wouldn't be an imposition . . . we're all still used to four at the dinner table, anyway." She halted for a moment, the reminder she'd just given herself about what made today different from so many days that had passed causing tears to ping the corners of her eyes, but- much like her daughter- she powered on past that. "Besides, I would like to express my gratitude for the care you took of my daughter while you were abroad as well as for you being here. I know it may have been under instruction from the school that you came by, but I consider it happy coincidence that they asked you rather than one of her other professors. It's a gesture of gratitude, please accept."

"Momma . . ." Kagome hissed through lightly clenched teeth at the same moment as Professor Taisho muttered, "Mrs. Higurashi-"

"I insist," the previously demure-and-fragile-seeming woman said loudly.

Kagome stood bolt-upright and the professor's eyes widen just a smidgen. When no further argument was offered by either party, the woman gave a stern nod and proceeded to the back door.

Turning back to face them one last time, she gave a graceful bow and then exited the house, closing the door behind her. It was silent for a long moment as the two simply stared after her.

"I see where you get your argumentative nature from."

Ever so slowly Kagome turned her head to look at Professor Taisho over her shoulder. "You have no idea."

He took a sip from his mug before placing it down on the counter and shrugging, "She did seem awfully insistent. I don't suppose it would do well for me to not accept such a gracious invitation."

Shaking her head, she couldn't help laughing. "Nope . . . she might just show up at school and start beating you about the head and neck with a wooden spoon. She just . . . wants something else to focus on for a while, is all. Wants me to focus on something else, and probably figures that having you at dinner means she can get us to start 'talking shop' at the table. We'll probably bore them, but at least they'll be distracted."

"I see . . ." he responded evenly as he scooped up his mug again to follow her back into the living room.

"Besides, she'll probably rope Sango into joining us, too."

". . . And Ryoushi will likely drag Miroku with her . . . ."

Kagome nodded as she put her mug on the coffee table and sat on the couch, knowing at any moment the door bell could ring and she'd have to bounce up from her place. "Well, then my mother will have something other than us to focus on."

Instantly she realized what she'd said and her eyes snapped up to lock on the amber ones already staring at her unblinkingly. "I didn't mean that how it sounded."

He gave a short, quiet chuckle, seeming to think better on the fact that he was about to take a seat on the couch, as well, and remaining standing. "I know what you meant. You know, you're quite the spitfire, I'm surprised you didn't put up more of an argument."

"There's no arguing with my mother. I think that's why she acts so nice the rest of the time, so you don't see it coming."

"Then I should say you're learning well. Between your mother's training and giving me puppy-dog eyes during lectures you'll make a fine addition to the academic community."

Kagome could only roll her eyes, laughing at herself, though it was taking every fiber in her being to resist the sore temptation to hurl a throw pillow at him. A handful of quiet seconds passed before she truly realized they were alone again and some of her mother's words came floating back to her.

"Professor?"

"Yes, Higurashi?"

"What my mother said . . . about you being just a friend of the family today . . . ."

She watched a little nervously and numble as his gaze dropped into his coffee mug. "What of it?"

"Can we pretend, just for the moment, that it's true?"

He sighed heavily, his broad shoulders slouching a bit as he leaned back against the wall behind him. "Are you certain you want to? Ignoring the facts of a situation can be dangerous."

"I know, but it's just for a minute, I just want to ask you something." This was driving her up a wall. For how long were they going to be hinting and insinuating? They never discussed it, only verbally dancing around it, speaking of it as though they both already knew so the mention of it wasn't truly necessary.

And if she was completely wrong about their situation? She doubted she was- he'd given her plenty of reason, plenty of moments recently, to think these things all on his own. But if she was wrong . . . he would tell her that . . . he would do so gently, probably, and she would be hurt, but she'd rather know the truth of things than continue hoping on a someday that he had no interest in ever making a reality.

"I suppose there's no harm in seeking knowledge," he gave a faint ghost of a smile. "It is what we do, after all."

Kagome pulled her mug into her hands, taking a long sip before simply clasping it between her hands and staring down into it, unable to even glance in his direction as she ventured, "Do you ever think about the future?"

"When I'm not digging into the past."

A dark, sleek brow arched at him- with a simple quip he'd forced her to look up at him and from the expression in his eyes, she could tell that he'd intended it to happen that way. "Ha ha."

"Sorry . . . archeology joke."

"Yes, I got it," she muttered cooly with a soured expression. "Can you please answer the question?"

"Higurashi, I think about my future every day. What exactly are you asking?"

"I just . . ." she averted her gaze, again unable to look at him as she spoke on this, "I need to know if I'm completely off-base."

He leaned down, setting his mug on the coffee table and straightened again, folding his arms loosely across his chest as he once more leaned into the wall behind him. "I can already tell you that you're not."

"I still have to ask, professor-"

"Perhaps it's best- for only the duration of this conversation- that you call me Sesshomaru."

Kagome's cheeks puffed out and she had to let out a little, surprised huff of breath at that. "O- . . . okay. I still have to ask, Sesshomaru, because we never actually say anything, we talk and talk all the time but . . . there something we never discuss. And I mean, I know why we don't talk about it, but-"

"Higurashi, you're rambling."

She nodded, inwardly chiding herself for trying to hide behind words when she was the one who'd started this. "I'm sorry. Do you . . . do you ever think about the days when we'll no longer be teacher and student?"

"Yes," he said simply, his gaze on the floor.

Distantly, vaguely almost, she recalled that last moment in the temple . . . recalled what she'd thought and hoped might have really happened in those seconds, had Miroku shown up just a few minutes later. "Do you ever think about what it would be like to kiss me?"

"We are still talking about this future point in time, aren't we?"

"Is there any other way for things to be?"

He sighed heavily, rolling his head back to look up at the ceiling, "Not unless you've found some spectacular loop hole of which I'm unaware."

She uttered a quiet, but genuine, giggle at that. "No. Do you think about, 'someday', being able to kiss me?"

It was quiet for a moment and she finally worked up the courage to lift her gaze to him. His eyes drifted closed and he lowered his head, teeth sinking, slowly, into his bottom lip before he whispered, his voice that deep, gravelly murmur he affected sometimes that she would never admit made her feel just a bit warm inside. "I think about much more than that, Higurashi Kagome."

Kagome nodded slowly, keeping her gaze on him so that when he opened his eyes they were already staring at one another. "So do I, Sesshomaru."

For a long, painfully silent moment they simply looked at each other. She was in awe . . . completely and utterly in awe. Certainly she'd known he had deep feelings for her, but . . . .

"I'm in love with you," she blurted out, immediately clamping her hand over her lips and going wide-eyed.

He flashed a small, but markedly serene smile as he replied, "That is inappropriate. Not that I'm in any position to judge, as I'm guilty of that same sort of inappropriate attachment."

She couldn't fight the smile that curved her lips at that. Taisho Sesshomaru . . . in his round-about, eloquent, so-many-words way . . . had just admitted to being in love with her.

The sound of the backdoor flying open again cut, tragically, into their pleasant little world, followed closing by the someone rummaging around in the kitchen. "Arg! Sis . . . sis! Where is the apple juice?!"

Kagome let her head drop as she pushed herself to stand. "One sec," she shouted. "And that would be Souta. Um . . . thank you for . . . being honest, professor."

"Of course, Higurashi, besides . . . I think you're beginning to be able to tell when I'm lying."

"Maybe," she said lightly.

"Do you think perhaps we should see about assigning you to a different professor?" he asked quietly.

"What!?" Kagome balked, thoughtful enough in that moment to drop her voice to a whisper. "You have got to be kidding me! No. I refuse."

"I only suggested it because I thought it might make the situation easier to deal with for the time being."

"SIS?!" Souta bellowed, sounding for all the world as though he was tearing the refrigerator apart.

"One DAMN second!" She yelled toward the kitchen before, again, dropping her voice to a whisper. "Do you want to put me in another class?"

"No," he said simply, giving a minute shake of his head.

"Than what's the problem? I can maintain a professional facade if you can."

"I certainly can."

"Then I'm not going anywhere," she grated out stubbornly.

"SIS!"

Blue eyes roved quickly for the briefest second. "Except to the kitchen."

Professor Taisho covered a chuckle at her harried state as she spun on a heel and dashed into the kitchen.

Higurashi Kagome was in love with him? He let his head roll back against the wall once more. He'd never imagined it. Almost against his will there was a part of him that wished she had taken his suggestion to switch classes. It wasn't that he wanted her to go . . . . Truthfully, he wanted her as close to him at all times as he could get, it was simply that he didn't feel nearly as certain as he'd sounded about his ability to stay professional around her.

How on earth was he going to last until that far off someday of which she'd been speaking?

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