InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Suffer The Fray ❯ An Atoner's Choice ( Chapter 22 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I hold no claim to InuYasha...Rumiko Takahashi does. Bummer for me.

A/N: Tons of thanks to Dei Dei for betaing this so fast...she's one of the special two keeping this boat of a fic afloat. I'm updating before my other beta had a chance to read this, so if there are any glaring mistakes that the two of us missed...I apologize. I can't tell you how much I appreciate my betas now that I have them. Thanks so much you guys!!

I hit a rough patch writing this chapter...in fact, I wrote it twice and hated both of them. This is my third try...with pieces of the other two that I patched together. I think this one finally managed to make sense to me...and hopefully it will to you too. Many of you have asked what happened to Rin...I hope I managed to give her justice and I would suggest re-reading Chapter 15 if certain events confuse you. Other than that, I hope you enjoy! ~Reux

"Enough, Kanna. I cannot stomach to watch any more of that abortion."

The tiny girl simply turned away and walked over to the open doors of the balcony.

Hakudoshi glared at the back of her head, sprawled out on his back in the middle of the room. "What? You have nothing to say?" He propped himself up onto his elbow and wagged the end of his stump at her. "Fine, you don't have to say a fucking word."

"It is not what you think."

The teenager narrowed his pale eyes. "It's not?"

Her voice was soft on the gentle breeze. "No."

"Then please, do tell. All I saw was another failure on Akago's end of this deal." Leaning forward, he slipped to his feet and strode up beside her. Jerking her precious mirror from her grasp, he observed his reflection in the glass. "Naraku should have sent me to kill them. I would have succeeded in shedding their blood." He grinned as he thrust the offending object back at her. "I would have enjoyed killing them immensely, but instead I was sent to taunt a rather disappointing Daiyoukai."

Kanna ran her opaque fingers along the mirror's rim lovingly. "Naraku wants you here."

"Why?!" Hakudoshi bellowed at her void expression, his wrath billowing to the surface. "He promised me a battle, and yet here I stand keeping house for that filthy mutt!"

"He does not tell me his reasons."

He pulled back, suddenly calm. "So he distrusts you as well." He chuckled and stepped out onto the balcony. "Alright, Kanna. Tell me what you do know." He lifted his remaining fingers and enjoyed the feel of the zephyr flowing between them. "Tell me about Akago's little debacle."

"They were never meant to die."

His hand stilled, cautiously pulling back to wrap protectively around what was left of his right arm. "Then what the fuck was he doing with the girl and the wolf?"

She moved silently back into the room, slowly making her way back into the depths of the fortress. "They were bait."

"Kagome, you have yet to tend to your own wounds."

The miko spared Sango a fleeting smile. "I'll survive until I get the both of you patched up."

Inuyasha shifted. "She's right, Kagome."

She sighed as she smeared antibiotic ointment into Miroku's lacerated forehead. "I promise I'll take care of it." She glanced at the hanyou when she reached for a bandage. "I promise, Inuyasha." Turning back to the Houshi, she taped the bandage over his gash and sat back on her heels. "That should do it."

Miroku tipped his head. "My thanks, Kagome."

"No problem." She looked over at Sango. "How about we go get cleaned up in the creek? It'll be easier to bandage your wounds." She flinched when Inuyasha's growl wafted towards her. "Mine too, of course."

"I don't want you two going alone."

Kagome started to pack up her satchel. "Well, I don't want to leave Koga alone either. What if he wakes up?"

"I'll stay and watch him." Miroku tossed another log onto the fire.

Inuyasha crossed his arms. "No, I'll watch him with you." He turned to the kitsune, who was romping around with Kirara. "Shippo, you go with them and stand guard."

The fox-youkai somersaulted and flopped onto his belly, Kirara pouncing on his back and pulling on his hair. He giggled and sat up. "Yeah, sure." Snatching up the nekomata, he perched her on his shoulder as he stood up. "Can Kirara come with us?"

Miroku nodded. "That's a good idea."

Kagome slung her satchel across her chest and strode over to kneel next to the sleeping wolf. She ran her fingers over the torn flesh of his bicep where her arrow had hit him. The wound was still raw and weeping, any and all bleeding finally stopped. It was a stark contrast to the nearly indiscernable bruises and scratches he had. It's not healing.

Straightening up, she stood arms akimbo. "I don't get it. Why hasn't he woken up yet?"

"Getting shot by a Hama no Ya isn't exactly a walk in the park."

Kagome couldn't help her reflexive flinch, feeling the hanyou's eyes drilling into her back. Choosing to ignore him, she merely sighed and strode over to where she had Shunsoke tied off to a tree branch. "Let's go, Sango."

Inuyasha watched her help the slayer up onto the horse and knew he should have kept his mouth shut. What had possessed him to say something so childish?

I know...

He glared at the prone wolf prince. Damn him. The jealousy was a knee-jerk reaction and even though he knew Kagome didn't want the wolf in that manner, his blood boiled anyway. He couldn't help it. His body itched to stake his claim on her and until that happened, his dog would continue to act irrationally on her behalf around other males. Not even Miroku was safe from his zeal, and the Houshi had been removed from the picture the day Sango came into it.

He scrubbed a restless hand over his face as he watched Kagome lead the four of them away. Youkai blood isn't all its cracked up to be.

"Koga is nowhere near Kagome, Inuyasha. Sit down and relax." Miroku stoked the cracking embers. "The tension in your aura is practically suffocating me."

"Oi," Inuyasha cuffed the back of his friend's head as he moved past him and sat down. "Quit your bitching. You're the whiniest bastard I've ever met."

The monk chuckled. "You have such a way with words, my friend."

Ignoring him, the hanyou crossed his legs and tucked Tetsusaiga in the crook of his shoulder. "So, you want to tell me who gave you those wounds?" He slid his clawed hands into his sleeves. "Because I don't smell Koga on you at all, only a peculiar human scent."

"You are correct." He reached up and lightly ran his fingers over Kagome's bandage, the lethal expression on Rin's face when she'd swung the sword echoing through his head. "It was Rin."

Inuyasha glanced at him from the corner of his eye. "Rin?"

"Yes, but it wasn't her at the same time."

He scowled. "Either it was or it wasn't. Make up your damn mind."

"Alright," Miroku glared at him, an expression he hardly ever used. "Rin's physical body swung the sword, but her soul wasn't the one controlling the body."

"Possession?"

"Most likely."

Both of them swung their heads in unison, coming to the same conclusion at the same time as they stared at Koga. Inuyasha felt the hair on the nape of his neck rise. "He got Koga through the shards, but how the fuck did he possess Rin without one?"

"Kagome didn't sense one?"

He shook his head negatively. "At the time she was focused on Koga, but I'm sure if she had noticed another she would have mentioned it. Besides," He stared into the wavering flames. "Kagome has all but one of the four remaining shards."

The Houhi sighed. "You're right. I forgot about that." He leaned forward, chin cupped in thought, and tapped his knee anxiously. "I wonder..."

"What?"

"Do you think Naraku could have visited her in person?"

Inuyasha thought about it for a moment and shook his head. "No, Naraku's not one to get his hands dirty. He'd send one of his grunts to do the work for him." A yawn nagged at the back of his throat and as he closed his eyes, a memory filtered through his brain. Spine snapping straight, he strangled a yelp of pain and looked over at the startled monk. "The brat!"

Miroku gawked at him. "Brat?"

"Yeah! That fucking brat of Naraku's!" He snapped his fingers in an attempt to jumpstart his memory. "What the fuck was his name...?"

"Akago."

"That's the one!" He started to pace around the fire, his shadow jumping every which way. "Do you remember how he possessed Kagome, or tried to?" He jerked to a halt at Miroku's nod. "That's how he did it. I know it."

He had to admit that Inuyasha had surprised him. This display of cognitive thought was out of character for him. "I think you're right, but she was fine when you saw her last."

Inuyasha scratched his healing ear. "I don't know about that." He flicked his contemplative gaze to Miroku's. "Physically, she was in great health, but here..." He tapped his temple with one clawed finger. "I'm not so sure." He recalled what Kagome had recognized about Rin earlier and growled with frustration. "Kagome was right. I should have seen it."

Miroku watched the guilt permeate his features. "Seen what?"

"How desperate she was to find Sesshomaru. A need like that made her vulnerable." He resumed his restless pacing. "I should have taken her with me, but I was too absorbed by the thought of Kagome returning."

"Given the circumstances, that's to be expected. I would have been no different if our roles were reversed." The Houshi smiled bitterly. "I know you blame yourself, Inuyasha, but you can't protect everyone. It's impossible."

The hanyou's lips curled back into a tight sneer. "Rin isn't just anyone, Miroku. When Sesshomaru allowed her to accompany him in his travels, he put her in danger by default when he declared himself Naraku's enemy. Whether she wanted to be involved or not, Rin was pulled into this clusterfuck by my brother." His fists clenched until he felt his claws pierce his palms. "Targeting her to get at Sesshomaru was an inevitable move on Naraku's part and the task of securing her safety was put upon that dumbass Daiyoukai."

Holding up his hands, he opened them up and flexed his fingers. "I don't know if he got rid of her to protect her, or to just make life easier, but Sesshomaru was definitely trying to separate himself from Rin." He shook his head. "Kagome caught that immediately."

Miroku fingered the prayer beads that sealed his Kazaana. "Perhaps he foresaw something like this happening in the future and figured she'd be better off among humans." He looked up at the fidgeting Inu-hanyou. "You and I both know that Sesshomaru understands that he is a danger to her because of his enemies. He knew Naraku would target her again and made a strategic move to protect her."

"That's all well and fucking good, but do you think that asshole would tell her that?" Inuyasha cracked his knuckles. "Maybe then she wouldn't try traipsing the entire fucking countryside to find the scumbag."

Miroku had to give him credit for that one. Sesshomaru could be painfully blunt, but he also had a gift for speaking in riddles when the notion struck him. "I'm sure he didn't feel the need to. Rin is completely enamored by him and it would probably only take a few words to pacify her." He shook his head at Inuyasha's snort. "You've seen her with him. Her trust in him is infinite. If he told her water made fire, she'd believe him because he's Sesshomaru."

Inuyasha shuddered. "That's twisted."

"That's love."

"Kagome said that too."

Miroku grinned. "Kagome is very perceptive that way."

Rin stared out into the blanket of night, wondering idly if the never-ending darkness just might consume her and spare her from this torment. She had never seen a night this heavy since the one she had been killed by a pack of ravenous wolves. Not even the nights huddled in the corner in her tiny room she occupied with her Aunt had been this dreary and full of empty hope. The stars had always been there to twinkle back at her with reassurance that she could survive, that she would live to see another day. Their golden spark, so like the flash in his eyes, had given her hope that she would make it through.

That spark was gone now and none of the childish prayers she'd once spoken would calm her fears.

Her head pulsed with a muted pain, but she welcomed it with open arms. It was less than she deserved for what she had done, but she was content to see it as a tendril keeping her tethered to reality. It would be so easy to just give in and allow the guilt and shame to drive her mad. Rin blinked languidly and lifted her right arm until the object in her hand glinted from the firelight behind her. She could do so much better than falling into a vegetative state. Tilting the wakizashi she had stolen from the youkai-taijiya, Rin entertained the idea of just pressing it to her throat and finding peace.

He would think I was a coward.

Staring forcefully at the razored edge of the sword, tears leaking out of her eyes of their own volition, she cursed her own weakness. I can't even kill myself because of him! He had sent her away on the pretense of propriety, with false promises of protection and assurance, only to slap her in the face with his lies. He had, more or less, abandoned her. Why did his thoughts still matter?

Why, after discarding her to years of abuse and neglect, did she still care?

Because I'm a fool! Rin jabbed the point of the wakizashi into the wood panel of the floor, chest heaving with rage. She had become so conditioned to his constant guard that she was unable to protect herself. She had withstood day upon day of physical and verbal assault from a disgruntled old witch with only the hope that her Lord would come and rescue her like he had done countless times before. It had all been one giant contradiction in her mind. He had given his word that he would not return for her, and yet promised her safety.

How could he make such a promise and stay away?

Her hand slipped from the hilt as the first sob slipped through her chapped lips. I want to blame him for this...so badly...but I can't. She folded herself against the flimsy wall of the hovel she had run to, and listened to the crack of the fire behind her. It was my own foolish notions that got me into trouble. Her fingers rested lightly over her heart, right where that terrible knot sat so heavy and evil. I got myself into this mess all on my own. Rin thumped her head against the wood, wincing as her head pounded painfully. It was my decision to leave the village. It was my decision to pursue him.

How can I hate him for something he had no part of? Sesshomaru had nothing to do with her confrontation with the demon child.

Her honey-brown eyes drifted back to the blade sunk into the wood. That's why I can't do...why I can't kill myself. She reached out and gripped the hilt. That would be giving in to my enemy. That would be admitting defeat. Rin jerked the sword loose and held it up. He would expect me to fight because he knows I'm stronger than this.

Her silent tears of anger turned to quiet tears of regret. All this time she had harbored a feeling of betrayal by him when she, in fact, had betrayed herself. Hadn't she been the one to stand defiant beside him, defending her desire to stay in his company? Hadn't she always foraged for her own food without his help? Hadn't she always been the one getting into trouble and needing his help?

Rin swallowed her sobs to keep quiet, not wanting her captor to hear. This is my fault...all of it. He never had to save me. He could have left me to learn my lesson. But he hadn't, always there with a curt reprimand and the reward of disregard, which she knew was the closest he got to affection.

She blinked past the salt in her eyes. She had allowed her Aunt to haunt her when she could have easily made her stop. She could have been a little less spoiled and really taken care of herself for once.

There was loud crack of wood that had her scrambling to conceal the wakizashi, sliding it under a loose floorboard. Rin swiped at her face and turned back to the open doorway, hearing the soft footfalls of her captor coming from behind her. The sliding panel separating her from him slammed open and she forced herself not to jump, not to let him hear the thundering pace of her heart in her chest. He continued until he was standing just behind her, staring at her like she was some kind of livestock. The knot in her chest suddenly felt extremely heavy, literally pulling her torso closer to the ground and she prayed that the alien control he had over her would not take effect again.

His voice cut the thick, smoky air of the room. "You're lucky, Rin. I found you something to wear in this dump of a village." There was a soft thud beside her with a small breeze when the object displaced the air, followed by a sound she knew well. It was the sound of a bucket dropping, with the contents sloshing back and forth like an upset sea. "Clean up and get dressed. There is more you must do."

She hated feeling so afraid and helpless. She hated having to watch her body commit atrocities she was powerless to stop. All because of one stupid, kind act to help a demon child.

The first time his control had taken hold of her, she had nearly made her way to the decimated village she was residing in. She had dragged herself up that hillside, and staggered her way down the trail as her wounds bled. It had seemed strange to her at the time, but the only wound not bleeding was the bite mark on her neck. There wasn't even a bruise left there, and it made her wonder just what Akago had really done to her. He didn't make her wait long, standing in the middle of the road and beckoning to her.

Flashback-

Rin tried to scream, tried to run away, but her body made no attempt to obey her. She felt her fearful grimace melt away, felt her eyes deaden in their sockets, and panicked when a heavy cloak of evil billowed around her body. The air was thick now too, and the horrible smell awoke the pulsing knot in her chest. Suddenly her feet were moving on their own, following him, her arms folding themselves over her breasts to hold her shredded kimono together. She tried to dig in her heels and balk, but it was only a phantom sensation in her mind; her legs just did as they pleased.

He led her to a small rock, made her sit, and laughed as the sweat poured off her brow in waves. He stood gazing at her for many hours, testing his power, making her do countless embarrassing and shameful things. The last act had been to remove what little clothing she had and leave her naked in the dirt. He played with her voice until he found a tone to his liking and promptly disappeared.

-End Flashback

Rin had been horrified. What if someone found her? What if someone attacked her? What if someone tried to rape her? The fear of not knowing her fate had nearly driven her mad, caged inside the shell of her own body. When she had heard the hurried footsteps coming down the path in her direction, she nearly fainted.

She had recognized the man staring at her, could remember meeting him once before while traveling with Sesshomaru. His odd dress, covered in furs and armor, and the fangs visible in his open mouth told her he was a youkai. What kind she couldn't recall, but she knew she was afraid of him and of what he symbolized. She remembered being afraid the last time she had seen him.

Flashback-

He stared at her hard, observing her, making her flesh tingle under his scrutiny. He gazed at her nudity and made no move toward her, a strange light glimmering in his beautiful blue eyes. Rin could see the apprehension in his body, the tension running rampant along his limbs as he cautiously moved toward her. He'd spoken to her, though what he had said was obscured by the cloud in her brain, and she felt her vocal chords vibrate a response. It was an alien feeling, like she was watching herself through another's eyes. Her bare body stood up and ran to him, clearly shocking him with her behavior and reassuring his fear.

-End Flashback

Rin recalled what Akago had made her body do and whimpered into her hands. He had flung her at the youkai, twining her limbs around his body as she had never done to another person and sealed her lips upon his. She gasped quietly and turned to the bucket, snatching the rag and scrubbing her skin. She had only wanted to do those sorts of things with one person, and now, even if she were given the chance, they would be tarnished in her mind. Rin sobbed softly in the firelight, running the rag over her flesh in hopes it would chase away the dirty feeling she had inside.

When she found out Akago's true intentions, she had wilted inside her own mind and closed herself off from what she was seeing. He had merely used her as a conduit to the unsuspecting youkai, but she knew he could have done it another way and spared her honor. He was evil and the wickedly devious always took the time to degrade their victims until they begged for death.

The longer she moved the sodden cloth along her body, the harder she stared at the floorboard when she had stashed the sword. I will not beg for death.

She washed herself swiftly, left a little uneasy because he had allowed her this one comfort. Rin relished the feel of her clean hair, free of the grimy buildup it had sustained while occupying the remains of a slaughtered village. Finished, she set away the bucket and turned her attention to the pile of cloth, mouth falling open at the sight of it.

There were several different layers, each a rich vivid color, and all blending together to make an elegant formal kimono. Rin ran her fingers along the smooth silk, pulling each piece away from the others and slipping her arms into the innermost robe. It was a rich indigo, the fabric light and soft against her skin. Relishing the warmth of clothing, she quickly wrapped herself in the dark blue second layer. She hesitated before reaching for the final piece of the kimono, her breathing catching at the intricate embroidery adorning the long, pastel blue sleeves. Blinking back tears of astonishment, she pulled the satiny kimono tight around her middle, easily tying the wide fuchsia obi in a delicate knot.

Standing up, she held up her arms and ran her fingers along the hand-stitched faces of the fluffy white Akitas. A smile split her tear-streaked face. It's another sign...like the ones before. Something was telling her to continue her quest, to find her Lord. Her eyes drifted away from the elegant kimono to hover on the floorboard concealing the sword.

Or not.

Rin stepped closer and knelt down, popping the board loose and lifting the wakizashi from its impromtu prison. Gripping it tightly, she covered up the hole and sat down against the nearest wall, tucking her delicate feet beneath her. I shed blood with this blade...caused pain because of a foolish mistake. Her mouth formed a grin line across her face. I must rectify it. I must use this blade to take back what I lost.

She slid down the wall and rested her head on her pillowed sleeve, resolved now to killing Akago at the next opportunity.

Sesshomaru can't always be there to save me, I know that now. Rin held the sword close to her body, her tears drying up as she curled tighter for sleep. She didn't know if he had intended for her to realize this or not, still unsure of his reasons for leaving her, but she knew that what was done, was done and couldn't be changed.

Giving up won't make up for the crimes I've committed, so I'll make sure I make it right...and if I die while doing it, he'll never be able to label me a coward.

Kagome's fingers fumbled with the cinch of Shunsoke's saddle and she frowned. Her injured wrist throbbed and she held up the hand and tried flexing her fingers. Each digit wiggled slightly, but not to normal standards. Every tiny movement pinched the torn ligaments in her wrist and she realized just how badly Koga had hurt her. Scowling at the ugly bandage, she jerked the cinch loose despite her weakened fingers and pulled the saddle from the tired horse's back. She dropped it to the ground, pulling his saddle blanket as well and laying it over the tack to air out.

Picking up the only brush she had thought to bring, she began running it along Shunsoke's metallic coat in measured strokes. She only managed to reach his shoulder before her numbed fingers dropped the brush and failed to grasp it tightly enough to use properly. "Dammit."

A cloth-covered hand reached out to pick up the brush. "I'll do it for you, Kagome."

Kagome gripped her wrist and smiled weakly. "Thanks, Miroku."

"I should be the one thanking you, Kagome."

She frowned at him. "For what?"

"For tending to Sango."

"Oh, it was nothing."

He began whisking the sweat off the horse, eyes lingering on her bloodied bandage. "Does he know?"

"Who? Inuyasha?" She looked up, turning her eyes away from where Shippo lay dozing beside Kirara. "Oh, yeah. He's already had a ball scolding me for ignoring it."

"Well, I'd hate to be the voice of reason," Miroku turned back to the horse, "but you should have mended it awhile ago."

Kagome shot him a dour look. "Maybe I don't want to."

The Houshi darted his eyes to the back of her head, startled by her acerbic tone. "Kagome?"

She sighed and ran a hand over her face. "I'm sorry, Miroku. It's just that I'm tired of having to deal with Naraku." She turned around and ran her functioning fingers through Shunsoke's silky tail. "I'm sick of him toying with the people I care about."

"What happened to Rin and Koga is unfortunate. There isn't anything I want more than to help them, but what about what Naraku has done to you?" He set the brush down beside the saddle and stepped towards her, gripping her shoulders and staring at her sternly. "You said he'd done things to you as well."

Kagome nodded, feeling just the slightest bit chastised even though he had not reprimanded her for anything. "Yes."

He pulled her toward him and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, steering her towards the small camp the others had set up near Inuyasha's tree. "Why don't you tell us?"

Inuyasha looked up from his secluded spot beneath the tree and growled involuntarily at the sight of him so close to her. "Watch those hands."

"Inuyasha..." Kagome shook her head and disengaged herself from the monk, striding over to the hanyou after giving Miroku an exasperated look. She sat down beside him, careful not to even brush his leg, and folded her legs to her chest. "Knock it off. He's a friend."

He huffed, relieved to have her so close. "What's he talking about?"

She looked over at the other couple sitting on the opposite side of the fire. "Do you remember how I said I felt like my emotions were drowning me?"

Sango nodded, cradling her injured shoulder. "You were telling us why you left."

"It was kind of strange." She propped her chin on her knees. "Normally I can deal with whatever my heart throws at me, whether its love, hate, jealousy...but after Naraku disappeared, it was like there was a little voice in my head giving them strength." Kagome stared into the flickering flames of the fire. "It was like I was fighting inside my head, arguing back that I didn't wish for Kikyo's death when it would tell me I hated her and that she was in the way. Anytime I wanted to tell Inuyasha how I felt, it would drown me in fear or pity because of how meek I was." She ducked her head, hiding her face. "It was always worse when I was around him. I used to be able to deal with the hurt because I wanted to be with him so bad, but the resentment got to be unbearable."

Kagome could hear the soft, shallow breaths of the hanyou behind her and reached out blindly with her hand, searching for him. Her breath caught when his strong fingers twined with hers, the weight of her admittance hitting her like a battering ram. "I didn't realize then that it was Naraku's voice telling me those things."

Inuyasha's heart beat anxiously, his stomach churning at her words. I made her feel this way to begin with. Gripping her hand tightly, he ran his thumb along her battered knuckles and cast the others a nervous glance. He knew his guilt was tangible by the solemn expressions on their faces. Naraku may have helped, but these emotions grew because of me.

Sango broke the tense silence first. "How was it possible for Naraku to do that to you?"

The miko sniffled, wiping at her nose. "The Shikon shard."

The light bulb apparently lit up in Miroku's head, judging from his blinking gray eyes. "The shards are all pieces of a whole jewel and each one is connected to the others. It's the same method he uses with Kohaku." His wife stiffened beside him, and he gently gripped her thigh comfortingly. "He was able to link himself to you through the Shikon no Tama's own power."

"But Kagome can purify the jewel...how could he control her?"

Kagome shook her head. "He never controlled me, only influenced my emotions. It's kinda like he left me crumbs to follow, knowing that my own nature wouldn't be able to leave them be. He knew that I, as a human being, would be unable to ignore the darker side of my heart." She locked eyes with Sango. "It's no different than your conflicting emotions for Kohaku, whether you would be able to take his life or not if such a decision had to be made. Knowing how badly he affected me, I have no doubt he could have amplified your guilt in the event of Kohaku's death to the point you'd try ending your own life."

Sango's throat worked stiffly. "That's..."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to single you out, Sango." She blinked through her swirling vision, only able to face her friend because of Inuyasha's touch. "It's only natural for people to delve into their hatred or fear and create ridiculous scenarios inside their own heads. I told you I feared my feelings were one-sided, and it was only a small feat to imagine being rejected. Naraku gave me just enough of a push to make me run away and hide."

Inuyasha's ears drooped at her broken whispers and the fine tremors running through her hand. It pained him to great lengths that all of this torture had gone on right under his nose and he'd had no clue, only thinking Kagome had been simply touchy at the time. He felt like an idiot. He remembered those few months after their final confrontation with Naraku and how obsessed he'd been with finding him. He'd left her in Kaede's village constantly to scourge the countryside, even hunting down Kikyo to tell him what she knew of their enemy's whereabouts. He would return to Kagome empty-handed and angry, blurting out his visits with the dead miko in his frustration. That span of time was clouded by disappointment and everyday arguing, but he could remember seeing her depression and pretending not to see it.

How could I have ever thought that bastard was more important than Kagome?

"You don't have to say anymore if you don't want to, Kagome." The hanyou sat up and pulled her towards him.

She resisted for a breath, but relented and turned into his arms, snaring her fingers into his haori. "Yes, I do. I have to get this out so that you all understand what's happened with Koga....and probably Rin as well." Setting her chin on his shoulder, she lowered her voice so only he could hear her. "I know you know there's more to what I'm telling, but that's for only you to hear."

She pulled away and twisted around so she could face the others and leaned back against his chest, the tension along her spine relaxing with relief. Careful of his tender ribs, she slipped her hands over the tops of his and rested their joined fingers in her lap. The digits of her right hand flexed weakly against his knuckles and she knew he could feel the weakness there, but she turned her gaze back to her friends. "After I left, the voice faded, but the seeds it had planted inside me continued to grow. Naraku's connection to my shard weakened because of the time lapse, but by then I was so messed up it was as if he was there anyway."

Inuyasha inhaled the scent of her hair. "What about that girl I killed for you?"

Miroku nearly choked on the water he was drinking, needing Sango to pat his back to help him breathe. "You...k-killed...a girl?" He coughed. "For Kagome?"

"It wasn't an actual person, Miroku." Kagome met his worried gaze. "She wasn't technically alive either, except in my mind."

"I'm confused..."

The miko smiled fleetingly at Sango. "So was I at first, but it didn't take me long to figure it out. Naraku woke up, which prompted me to come back, and by doing so, his influence on my emotions intensified along with his strength. It wasn't like it was before. There were no voices wreaking havoc on my subconscious, but the night after I fought the bandits..." Kagome's intense brown eyes drifted down to the claws softly running back and forth on her stomach. "...I had a dream of a miko killing Inuyasha."

The claws stilled under her hands and she held her breath. Inuyasha's voice was nearly inaudible. "Was it Kikyo?"

Kagome shook her head. "No."

The demon slayer frowned. "But if it wasn't Kikyo, who was it?"

"It was me."

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed. "Is that why she looked like you?"

"I told you I would explain why, I just got a little distracted...." She tipped her head toward the unconscious wolf lying beside the fire. "The girl looked like me because Naraku, with his new-fangled power, gave that disturbing little voice a body and face."

The confusion seemed to only increase in Miroku's face. "If she only appeared while you were sleeping, how did Inuyasha kill her?"

Kagome pulled her damaged hand away from Inuyasha's limb and tapped the shard hanging from her throat. "Naraku called to me." She felt Inuyasha press his cheek to the side of her head and reached up to hold the silver forelock that fell over her shoulder. "It was after I had caught up to Inuyasha and we were coming back to meet up with you. I could sense his miasma nearby, but before I realized what it was he had already corrupted my shard and my power." She smirked. "I probably could have just purified it, but it was Tetsusaiga that told me not to."

"Tetsusaiga?"

Inuyasha nodded against her head. "Yeah, it wanted me to attack her." He stared at the ground. "So I did."

Sango held the front of her kimono tensely. "You fought each other?"

"I didn't really have a choice. She was trying to kill me by then." He casually flicked his ears. "Her power was so strong that I had to call on my dog for help."

Kagome tugged on his hair. "Will you please tell what the hell you're talking about? You've mentioned this 'dog' about a million times already."

It was Miroku that answered her. "Inuyasha is referring to the Inu-youkai that lives inside him, the one that surfaces when he transforms." The Houshi continued when she blinked at him intently. "Not long after you left, Inuyasha had a confrontation with Sesshomaru that got rather ugly."

"What?" Kagome sat up and looked back over her shoulder at the hanyou.

Inuyasha shrugged. "I was looking for information and he didn't want to give me any."

Sango lifted a skeptical brow. "You were just looking for a fight because you were upset."

"How the fuck-"

"Anyway," Miroku cleared his throat and cut off the hanyou's agitated response. "During the fight, Sesshomaru got the better of Inuyasha and injured him gravely. The Taiyoukai seemed less hospitable than usual and made to kill him. Inuyasha's blood had spilled onto the Tetsusaiga from his injuries and it set off a strange reaction in the blade."

Sango stoked the fire, picking up where her husband left off. "The Tetsusaiga radiated a gold glow and Inuyasha's face transformed like his demon blood had taken over." She glanced at the hanyou stauchly looking away from them all. "However, Inuyasha never lost control of himself. In fact, he was able to deliver a painful blow to his brother and end the scuffle."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Inuyasha snorted. "Basically, instead of going berserk, the Tetsusaiga let me stay in control of my demon blood. It let me fight at full strength with a level head."

The Houshi nodded. "It was a curious thing to see. Over the last five years, he's been working at taming his Inu-youkai without having to actually wield Tetsusaiga with some success. This new found kinship with his demon brought about his calling it his 'dog'."

Kagome nodded slowly and cast Inuyasha a sly glance. "So you have, like, an actual dog in you?"

He glowered at her and mumbled under his breath. "Yes."

She bit back a snicker. "I'll have to investigate that later." Turning back to the others, she tipped her head. "Where were we?"

The youkai-taijiya yawned. "You two were fighting each other..."

Inuyasha sighed. "Her power kept throwing the Tetsusaiga back at me and my hands started to bleed I was fighting so hard." He stared out into the dark. "My dog came forward just like when I was fighting Sesshomaru and I was finally able to knock her unconscious." He tightened his arm around her slim waist, reliving the apprehension he'd felt watching her. "I knew Naraku was doing something to her. His scent completely blanketed hers."

Kagome could feel his aura tightening like a vice and gently held his arm tighter to her body, fingers running soothing circles at his wrist. "I can't be certain, but my evil twin somehow pulled my soul into an illusion. She told me all about the game Naraku was playing and then attacked me when I said I would kill her. She was beating me pretty good when Inuyasha showed up."

"I could feel the twisted web he had on you in the air and you were fighting the hold he had on you. I decided to call on my dog and follow you when I understood why you had me knock you out."

"So, while you came to help me...what was your dog doing?"

"Guarding our bodies like I told it too."

"Oh." She grinned. "I think that's kind of neat."

Inuyasha stared at her for a moment; an unease he hadn't even realized was gripping his body was flowing out of him, and he shrugged. "It let me kill that psycho and break the spell, that's all."

Miroku rolled his shoulders. "So, this is what you think happened to Koga?"

Kagome looked over at him and nodded. "Yeah. I think he told him to do things or possibly led him somewhere. However he did it, Naraku managed to physically taint Koga's shards. That's how he was able to possess him. He tried to possess me, but my spiritual powers always nullified his attempts."

"Koga has always been so cautious. It's hard to believe he was so easily captured." Sango blinked sleepily and rested her head on Miroku's shoulder. "I never would have thought he would allow Naraku so close."

A voice, low and grating, responded quietly. "He used the girl."

Inuyasha nearly crushed Kagome when he hauled her up and moved away from the suddenly speaking wolf, a heinous snarl gripping his throat. Once again he had been caught unawares, and it didn't sit well with him. A quick glance across the fire told him Miroku didn't like it either and the look on Sango's face, coupled with the hand clenching her throat, spoke volumes as to what the wolf had done.

Pulling his arms from around Kagome's slight waist, he pushed her behind him and stepped towards Koga. He ignored her elegant hands when they tried to stop him from brandishing Tetsusaiga, but the way they just fell away meant she hadn't really intended to stop him. Inuyasha glared down into the wolf's brilliant blue eyes and pressed the tip of his sword to his neck. "How long have you been awake?!"

The eyes held his stare and blinked once, then twice, before he answered. "Long enough."

"What's with the shifty act?" He gave the blade a slight twist and watched Koga hold his breath. "Do you want me to kill you?"

Kagome felt a bead of sweat dribble down her back, eyes staring hugely at the wolf's stricken expression. Inuyasha would do it. He would kill him without hesitation.

"Inuyasha!" The miko darted around his shoulder and boldly snatched the fang in her hand.

The blade sizzled under her touch and shrank down to its rusted form. Inuyasha trained his eyes on the battered blade and refused to look at her. "What are you doing, Kagome?"

The veiled accusation hurt her more than the hot metal of the Tetsusaiga in her hand, and she let her fingers fall away. Kagome moved in front of him and blocked his view of Koga lying prone on the ground. "Please, Inuyasha..." She rested her eyes on his Kotodama no Nenju, praying for the sinking feeling in her heart to perish. "No more fighting."

The tension in the air was punctuated by the clink of Tetsusaiga as the hanyou returned the weapon to its sheath. Inuyasha turned away from her, staring harshly at the woodlands around them and seeing none of it. "Whatever you say, Kagome."

Why do I always take Koga's side?

The thought passed errantly through her mind as she watched him walk away. Her eyes followed the smooth roll of his shoulders and the soft sway of his hair, her feet suddenly falling into the prints his feet left behind. "Inuyasha, wait!"

"What?"

He stopped so abruptly that she nearly smashed into him, her outstretched hands wilting at his venomous tone. "I...I..." She forced herself to swallow. "Please, don't walk away from me."

Inuyasha's knuckles cracked as he clenched a fist. "No more fighting." He whirled around and growled at her. "Isn't that what you want?"

The sight of his rage shook her and she whimpered as her eyes tore themselves away from his tormented visage. "Y...yes."

"Then I suggest you let me go." He spun on his heel.

"No!" Kagome threw herself against his back and clung desperately to his fire-rat haori. "Please, Inuyasha, give me a chance..." She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in his silver locks to press between his shoulder blades. "Please let me explain it all to you."

The hanyou hesitated at the feel of her lithe body shuddering and he felt the insane wrath of his Inu-youkai weaken. The dog ceased snarling, but the hair on his nape remained rigid and bristling. Inuyasha despised what his demon could make him become...for what it was making him right now. He hated that it held so much influence over his behavior. It made him irrational and irresponsible, always thinking it knew best. In the past it had been unable to differentiate the intensity of his feelings, but the more he came to understanding it, the more the dog came to understand him.

It knows now, though, and it's right.

Inuyasha relaxed his body and the tight grit of his teeth, gently disengaging himself from her grasp. "Fine, but I won't stay here." His ears flattened at the loss of her sweet, tear-accented scent and the soft warmth of her body. "I can't." He forced his arms to his sides so they wouldn't turn to reach for her. "I can't stay here and see you with him and not..." Inuyasha snorted. "You're smart, Kagome. You get the idea, and I don't want to end up fighting you too, so..."

"Yes. I understand." Kagome blinked through her tears, saw the straightening of his back as he walked off into the forest alone, and wrapped her arms tight around herself to try and capture the quickly dispersing essence of his being. It was a fruitless endeavor and she was left standing alone in the darkness, the barest bit of light from the campfire reaching to snap at the shadows. Slowly, almost lethargically, she forced herself to move and saunter back to the camp.

Koga was now sitting up, holding up his hands to the flames, and failing in his attempts not to smile at her return. "Finished with the whining pup?"

The miko stiffened mid-stride. "You..."

Miroku, who had since gotten to his feet to keep a better eye on the ookami-youkai, shared a tense glance with his wife before stepping toward the vibrating woman. "Kagome?"

"You..." She lifted her head the scantest inch to glare at the wolf.

"When you took away his little toy, I thought for sure he was going go crying for his mommy." Koga shook his head. "I say good riddance. You don't need to be involved with a guy like that-"

"Shut up!"

All she could she was red, and Kagome would have been within striking distance if Miroku hadn't intervened. "How dare you say anything about him?!" She fought the Houshi's grip, but he held fast, fingers digging into the flesh of her arms. "Inuyasha is ten times the man you could ever hope to be! You have absolutely no right to throw down judgement on him!"

Koga was reeling, angrily getting to his feet. "You're defending him?! I heard what he just said to you!"

"You what?" Kagome ceased struggling, wincing until Miroku relaxed his hands.

"I can't believe you'd stick by that asshole! He's lucky you let him go, otherwise I would've had teach him a lesson!"

She stared into his seething face and gently laid her hands on the monk's. "Let go, Miroku."

"Kagome, I..." He glanced at his wife. Sango smiled grimly and nodded. Swallowing nervously, he released her. "Alright."

Kagome took two steps and was staring up into the wolf demon's face, forcing her power back into the tightly locked box inside her body. If she didn't, she may very well kill him. "You listened?"

Koga blinked at her soft tone. "Y...yeah." Her vicious slap echoed through the trees and had Koga stumbling backward, blinking with shock. "What was that for? I can't help if my hearing is so acute."

"Oh yes, you can." She turned away and dropped down into the space Inuyasha had vacated so swiftly. "You could have chosen not to eavesdrop on Inuyasha and me. You could have chosen not to disrespect my privacy, and..." Kagome cursed the tears spilling out of her eyes. "...you could have chosen not to attack the people that risked their lives to save yours!"

Miroku watched Koga falter under Kagome's piercing scrutiny and saw his confidence shatter. He is holding on by a very thin thread...one that could be easily severed.

Without glancing at Kagome or his wife, who had since moved around the fire to embrace the angry miko, he addressed the wolf. "I would hope to judge from your response that you are repentant?"

He looked stricken for a moment, but after passing a guilt-ridden gaze over both Kagome and Sango, he dropped his eyes and sighed. "I..."

"It's over now, Koga." Kagome wiped at her face and looked up at him. "I know you're sorry and I accept you're apology."

Koga's turquiose gaze narrowed. "What if you're not the only one that I'm asking for forgiveness?"

She felt Sango go very, very still beside her, almost as if she had stopped breathing. Kagome grabbed her good hand and squeezed tightly. "Are you talking about what happened in the village? When you attacked Miroku and Sango?"

He flinched. "Of course, I never meant to harm your comrades, but..."

"But what?"

Koga gazed at the Houshi. "You weren't the only ones. There were others."

Miroku nodded. "The villagers."

"It's all sort of a blur, but I attacked so fast that they didn't know what had killed them. Once I'd started, there was no end until each and every one was dead. Men, women, children....hell, I even killed the rats that lived in the huts." Koga turned away from them, unable to look any of them in the face without feeling their pity. "Sure, I've killed my share of ningens, but never without a reason. I never killed without a just cause and that....it was...a mindless slaughter."

Kagome ached for him. "Koga, you were being controlled."

He laughed, in way that needled at her. "Don't try to butter me up, Kagome. Someone is always at fault, and although I know Naraku was making me do it, I could have prevented the entire mess." He crossed his arms over his wide, armored chest. "I'm sure when the girl has her wits about her, she feels the same way."

"You mean Rin?"

Koga flicked his blue eyes to Miroku. "Tall, lean, pretty, with light brown eyes...wearing absolutely nothing?"

Miroku nodded. "I would have to say that sounds like Rin."

"In any case, I'm sure Naraku had a barrel of laughs using us both like trick monkeys in a show. It was..." He seemed to consider it a moment, "...degrading."

"I'm sorry, Koga." Kagome gazed at him with concern. "I wish I had been able to stop it."

He blessed her with a genuine smile. "You did."

"I had to remove your shards..." She dug into her pocket and held them out to him.

"Good." Koga took a deep breath and started to walk away. "I'm leaving."

"Wait!" The miko called after him. "We need to know what happened to you!"

Koga sighed again as he turned around. "Several days ago, I was out hunting with Ginta and Hakkaku in the valley below our territory. That's where I first caught Naraku's stench on the wind. I sent the others back before I set out alone to follow it. Eventually, I found myself following two scents instead of one. Naraku's had somehow managed to twine itself with the girl's."

"Shit." Miroku cursed.

Sango blinked with surprise. "Miroku?"

He shook his head, a strange smile spreading across his face as he looked up at her. "Inuyasha was right."

"Right about what?" Koga scowled with confusion.

Miroku stared into the flickering flames. "Rin was already possessed when you found her. Naraku had already made his move." He tipped his head to the wolf. "Do continue."

"She was just sitting on the side of the trail, running her fingers through her hair like any innocent girl would do. The image didn't fit with what I had envisioned in my head when I found her." Koga winced as he stratched at his wounded arm. "I was expecting someone more like Kagura, but I was too quick to judge her. She was far worse than any of Naraku's incarnations."

Kagome watched him closely, and could see the memories in his face. The cocky, arrogant ookami-youkai was gone, replaced by one much more mild-mannered. It was then she realized that Koga never had any contact with Naraku. "What did she do to you?"

He tilted his head and frowned, squinting as he recalled what had transpired. "She said my name and it was like I was rooted in place. I couldn't move and I...I didn't want to." He glanced over at the both of them, fear crawling its way over his body again. "I knew something was seriously wrong, but every time I tried to get away, I thought up a reason to stay." He turned back to the fire, the flames reflecting in his eyes. "I watched her stand up and walk towards me, felt my instincts screaming at me to run, but I just stood there. I asked her what she was doing there...why she was coming towards me with that forced smile on her face." He looked straight at Kagome. "All she said was 'Because he wants me to.'"

"Naraku..." Kagome covered her mouth with her hand.

"I didn't try to stop her from kissing me."

Sango blinked. "She kissed you?"

Koga couldn't help a strong shudder. "Yeah."

"It makes sense." Miroku looked up to meet three skeptical expressions. "It does."

The slayer lifted a brow. "How?"

"Alright, we all know that Naraku somehow possessed Rin. The evidence of a struggle proves that, as well as the wounds I'm sporting right now. We also know that in order to for Naraku to taint otherwise pure shards of the Shikon no Tama, he must have physical contact with them." The Houshi met Koga's aquamarine gaze. "Your memory gets very sketchy after the kiss, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," He nodded. "I can only remember bits and pieces, and they aren't very pleasant."

Miroku glanced at Sango. "The kiss was the physical contact Naraku needed."

Koga moved restlessly. "I shouldn't stay here anymore."

Kagome understood why. His memories weren't as shady as he had let on, and Koga couldn't bear to remain here any longer. The miko held out her hand. "You don't want your shards back?"

He stopped and spoke over his shoulder. "No, they're safer with you. Just look at what happened."

"Koga, it wasn't your fault." Miroku stepped toward him.

The wolf snorted. "Go ahead and believe that if it'll help you sleep at night."

"Just leave him be, Miroku." Kagome slid herself out of Sango's embrace and strode over to face him. "Will you pursue Naraku?"

"You think you can stop me?"

She continued to just look at him. "No. Not now, I don't. I think you have just as much right to him as any one of us does, so I wouldn't even consider trying to infringe on that." Kagome tilted her head. "But I want you to know that you don't have to do it all by yourself, and Inuyasha and I will always be there to help you."

"Great." He huffed. "Now you think I'm a charity case."

"No," Kagome stared seriously at him. "I don't."

He looked at her for a long moment, and then smiled. "Well then, I'm off." Koga gave her a knowing wink. "If you ever get tired of hanging around with that jealous puppy, he knows where to take you."

Kagome watched him disappear into the trees and just shook her head. "I'm sure that would go over well." Turning back to her friends, she stuffed the shards back into her jeans pocket and squared her shoulders. "Alright, I'm off to retrieve one very irate hanyou."

Sango led Miroku to their sleeping spot and gave her a bolstering smile. "No matter how he reacts, tell him everything." She sat down beside her husband. "That's the only way it will finally be settled."

The miko chewed her lip and nodded. "Yeah, I know."

Now the only thing she had to do was find him.

A/N: As always, each and every one of your reviews has been giving a lengthy response...mostly because I love you guys so much! You can find them at http://communtiy.livejournal.com/reux_fiction

Comments from the peanut gallery are warmly welcomed! XD.