InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sugarmoth ❯ One-Shot

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi who is too talented to be real, lyrics ("Treetops") to the band Eisley, this songfic to me, and format to (duh) Mieko Belle. =)

// When I was a young girl.. //

( She wouldn't know
Because he made her not too long ago, she recalls
But she doesn't remember it at all; she isn't real )

Being unreal, a mere detachment, wasn't like not being alive.
Because it still hurt when she took a blow from that hanyou's sword, or even when Naraku squeezed her heart in his hand so hard she felt as though it might burst, and wished it would

( Hurting like she'd never felt pain before, not screaming
So that he wouldn't think he had the upper hand
Even when he knows he does but still..
He gets angry about it, and wonders why he doesn't kill her off )

because death is something she wants more than anything else.

Sesshoumaru doesn't care because she is who she is

InuYasha doesn't care because she's done all of the things she's done

Kanna doesn't care because she can't, but she's so beautiful that Kagura won't resent her for it. Ever. No matter what.

And that hurts a little too.

// Trying to find her way above the tree tops, the tree tops, the tree tops.. //

they're so high up and she can never touch them, even on that feather, riding through the air.

She wants to

( have some one touch the clouds for her to tell her how they would taste
on her fingertips,
and maybe together they could reach those treetops and never come down
because it's so unfair the way Naraku treats her.
She knows she can't fight him off on her own.
She knows she can't kiss the clouds from Kanna's cold lips.
because he'd kill them both. Maybe. )

float away into the freedom of oblivion. She swears she'd never hurt another living soul, if there was no dark to claw at always, and she could live in light.

But she wasn't born of the light, she's never touched it before. Maybe it would blind her, or kill her, or steal her breath away until all she could do was gasp in awe, then fade into nothing.

Nothing, just like Kanna. Kagura is not afraid of the light.

// I did not care, I did not care.. //

for murder. Blood on her hands and in her throat, bodies piled all around with glassy eyes that never stop staring, it wasn't for her.

Evil wasn't what she wanted to be, she didn't have a choice . No one really knew her when they thought they did

( Kouga wanted a slow death by his hand for her because she killed
his entire wolf tribe, save for two.
But while he was laying on the ground, hating, with poison in his arm
he never knew that later that night
she cried her very first tears in her elder sister's little arms
and she was sorry for the thing she'd done. )

and she spent all of that time pretending that she was because Naraku didn't want a weak detachment.

But sometimes, he leaves her alone

( she sees her sister kneel for him, and he looks into that mirror she's holding
when he looks at that dead woman's face he's aching inside, she scolds herself
for feeling his pain and knowing what's like to never have what you want )

and she feels like she can run away and touch the treetops and the clouds and the stars and maybe even the edge of the world if she wants to. Because he's not around to hold her back. It's a feeling that she thinks might linger for a while.

Pain isn't so painful when she feels like that.

// What they called me. I'll float above the ocean.. //

Naraku wanted her to go looking for the monk, the exterminator, the hanyou -- the usual group that night, but somehow the thought of hunting down innocent people for him seemed so terrible, so wrong, that she just couldn't bring herself to obey. She inhaled a few times, forced a smile on her scarlet lips, and stormed into his chambers; knocking over fleshpots, screaming and yelling as she turned the room into nothing but heaps of bedraggled destruction.

( later that night, as she wiped the blood from her mouth
that was starting to dribble down her chin, she vaguely wondered
if Kanna saw the whole thing and felt something for once )

A week past, she buried herself deep within the tall grass at the lake's edge, somewhere far away from the castle. The air was crisp and absent of heady miasma, and a soft breeze blew through the thin fabric of her kimono . Leaning over the slope of the muddy banks, she gazed down at the rippling black water.

It had been a very, very long day. She'd lifted just enough from two careless little boys playing on the cobblestone streets of the near village; and then, she'd bought herself the very kimono she now wore. For Sesshoumaru, to perhaps impress the next time she took to pleading with him for alliance, or maybe for some one else. It was a lovely deep crimson hue, with beautifully chiseled patterns of sakura pink and silvern white. It gave a glimpse of her ample bosom, and clung to the curve of her thighs. All flowing silk.

She smiled, the first time in a while, a pleased smile that didn't resemble a sneer. Elongated fingers fluttered over her mouth, staring wide-eyed at her reflection; the bruises Naraku had left were faded away, now. And the swell of her lips only added to her overall allure.

"I really am.. gorgeous," she whispered, finding it hard to breath.

// The sun above is burning my head, I will grow wings and fly everywhere.. //

Kanna didn't look at her differently when she swept through the corridors, forcing herself not to look happy. But she must've been surprised. Had to be, there was no way.. there was no way she didn't notice the beauty that walked those cursed halls.

Naraku grinned, instead of asking where the outfit had come from. She smirked right back. She felt bigger than life -- and much, much bigger than death. He could hollar all he wanted; she could handle him.

( did she want to handle him? When he literally had her heart to break or bruise?
It didn't matter, because he hadn't said a word as of yet )

He almost looked at her respectfully, and

( yes, she did want to handle him.
For once she felt like she could take him on by herself. )

told her maybe there was hope for her after all. The way he smiled made her feel a little sick -- though because she was anxious or angry, she didn't know.

// When I was a young girl.. //

She strode over to Kanna and stared at her for a long, long time

( she didn't know what to do, because she was hurting
and her dress was nothing more than expensive tatters
hanging all around her lithe frame, from when he raped her
and she wanted to be with her sister )

before she kissed her hard on the mouth. Kanna didn't mind, just gave a soft mewl of surprise and wrapped her hands around her sister's neck, letting Kagura undress them both. It was so wrong and so wonderful -- how she could feel Kanna's heartbeat everywhere, her neck and all the way down to the place where it seemed to beat so deliciously fast. And when she kissed her there, Kanna made her first facial expression.

( she wasn't gentle, the almost angry way she
tore off Kanna's clothes,
ripped that stupid flower out of her snowy hair,
grabbed her around the waste with an iron grip
and took her right there in the dark )

She layed her down and backed away, asking if she was afraid.

Kanna didn't smile, or say a word in reply. She simply shook her head. She wasn't scared of the dark, or Naraku, like Kagura was; and death was such a trivial thing, anyway.

And Kagura looked so relieved

( maybe because Kanna was okay with punishment
or because she didn't regret it )

then, Kanna's eyelids sort of fluttered as the last spark died away, and she giggled for the first time since she'd been created.

Now we get to take a little nap, was the last thing Kagura said to her before they collapsed in a heap, two bodies intertwined as they slumbered through the remainder of the night.

( and she didn't understand just then how bad things were going to get
she didn't know about all the nights she'd have to hold back tears
Wishing she was deaf
So she couldn't hear Kanna
Screaming
And screaming.. )

// Trying to find her way above the tree tops, the tree tops, the tree tops.. //

That she didn't want to touch any more, now that she knew what it was like; to finally get up there, sitting in those damned treetops, to come falling right back down.

And so Kagura sits near that same lake, it's getting late but the sky is still pink with sunset, and cold, bitter tears slide down her ivorn cheeks.

She's still a detachment, and she's still doing Him favors - worse now than before
because he likes to torture her for the awful, beautiful thing she'd done, and then he
likes to have her demonstrate exactly what they did. On him. And she can still hear
Kanna's whimpering when he tears the kimono away from her breasts, and does the
same to her. And, yes, she still afraid of the dark.

And she still can't scream.

// I did not care, I did not care.. //

-end-