InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Sword of Supreme Conquest ❯ Chapter 41 ( Chapter 40 )

There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion

That if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble

Drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret,

Spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together.

 

~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

 

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The girl stirred restlessly in her chair, lost in the grips of an uneasy sleep. Her heavy eyelids drifted open momentarily to reveal a bleary pair of chestnut orbs that lazily took in the dimly lit room. A moment later they snapped open and she bolted upright in a panic. With her chest heaving she shifted her gaze to the bed next to her and breathed a cautious sigh of relief.

 

 

Looking like a silver-haired seraph, his face a mask of infinite calm, her lord continued to sleep on just as he'd done for the past three days and nights. Though he hadn't stirred she couldn't help but feel guilty and immensely disappointed in her lack of willpower. She'd tried so hard to stay awake too.

 

 

A drawn out yawn stretched the kinks and stiffness out of her arms and back as stood to fetch more hot water from the fire. Her hand snatched a small clay bowl off a nearby table as she shuffled towards the blazing hearth. Standing before its gentle warmth she stared blankly into the glowing flames and worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

 

 

When she'd first seen him, unmoving and covered in blood and mud, her entire world had shuddered to a halt. For a brief moment she'd lost focus of everything. No sound reached her ears, no breath filled her lungs and her eyes saw nothing but the lifeless body being carried past her. She remembered distinctly the way her heart had clenched painfully in her chest when a small voice inside her head whispered that cursed word -

 

 

Dead.

 

 

But then she saw the haphazard rise and fall of his chest and her world slammed back into motion. It'd been moving at the same frantic pace ever since. Rin cast a quick glance over her shoulder at her lord and quickly turned back again. Every day since then had been filled with nothing but anxiety and worry. During the many tireless hours Kagome worked to heal him, she'd kept herself busy caring for the little one and directing the household.

 

 

It only took a day for Kagome to collapse from exhaustion, both the physical and emotional kind, and since then she'd been on her feet running a marathon through the same tireless routine that took her back and forth from Kagome's chambers to Ronin's nursery, to the kitchen and her lord's sick room.

 

 

The busy routine had helped somewhat. She'd barely had time to rest, let alone dwell over the dire situation they were in, but when the nights drew on like this one she couldn't escape her dreams. They haunted her with memories of her lord's body being carried in from the battlefield with Inuyasha's lifeless form following shortly after. Even now, her heart clenched painfully as the images swam before her glazed eyes.

 

 

With a despondent sigh Rin eased the heavy lid off the pot boiling over the fire. He was gone and there was nothing she could do to save him. No one knew that things had been developing between them, not Kagome, not Sesshomaru; it'd been their secret and now that it was over she felt hopelessly lost. There was no one left for her to go to and no shoulder to cry on. Inuyasha had only been gone three days but the ache in her heart was already too much for her to bear.

 

 

She wanted to go to him, even if it was just to say goodbye, but she couldn't find the courage to move her feet in his direction. Not when she could still vividly remember the touch of his warm hand in hers and the tentative brush of his kiss. It'd only been a week since she'd last lain in his arms as they relaxed in the cool shade of a large oak tree. Whatever it was that'd been growing between them, slow and cautious at first and then more sure and passionate, had been cut short by the edge of a blade.

 

 

It was hard to stay positive when it felt like her happy ending had been stolen. Desperate for a glimmer of hope in spite of such darkness, she childishly clung to the notion that nothing could defeat her Sesshomaru-sama. Too scared to think otherwise, she listened to the tiny voice inside her head that whispered its quiet reassurances. If any demon could survive such a deadly blow and come back stronger than before it was him.

 

 

She told this to herself over and over again to spite the more seasoned and logical part of her brain that ate away at her resolve. Every time she glanced at his still form she could heard its ruthless taunt - “If he hasn't opened his eyes by now, what makes you think he ever will?” With Inuyasha gone he was all she had left. She couldn't afford to give up hope that he would pull through.

 

 

Shaking her head to dismiss her worries, Rin poured a ladle of steaming hot water into the dish in her hand. With a delicate sigh she slipped several clean strips of cloth into the water to soak. His bandages will need to be changed soon…, she mused quietly while conducting a mental checklist of everything that needed to be done. With her thoughts preoccupied as they were, she didn't notice the pair of golden eyes watching her from the bed.

 

 

“Rin.”

 

 

The sound of her name, spoken so suddenly in the still air of the room, forced her heart into her throat. The dish went clattering from her hands to the floor, and the scalding water inside splashed against her bare feet and legs. Instantly forgotten, it rolled off to some distant corner of the room and she hastily grabbed hold of a nearby table to steady herself. The trembling of her legs kept her rooted to the spot so she could do nothing but stare open mouthed at the warm gaze that greeted her from the bed.

 

 

Finally finding her voice, she said the only word her mind could think to speak. “Sesshomaru-sama!”

 

 

He nodded towards her graciously and her feet, as if suddenly injected with life, ran to him. Not hesitating for a moment, she recklessly threw her arms around his body and pressed her cheek fervently to his naked chest. His heart beat steadily beneath her ear, its reassuring rhythm destroying her last vestiges of self control. Tears of happiness trickled from her eyes to wet his skin, yet he did not push her away. Instead he laid his hand gently atop her dark head in a placating gesture and waited patiently for her to be ready.

 

 

It took a few minutes of quiet sobs and tears of happiness before she could compose herself. With a sheepish smile she wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand and stood. “Gomen nasai Sesshomaru-sama. I didn't mean-,”

 

 

“Rin,” he interjected smoothly, brushing aside her meaningless apology.

 

 

“Hai?”

 

 

“Inuyasha…,” he hesitated, “He is dead isn't he?”

 

 

The question caught her off guard, so much so that she couldn't hide the shadow of longing and regret that crossed her features.

 

 

“Hai my lord,” she answered quietly.

 

 

The despondent look that crossed her features disappeared almost instantly, but not before he caught sight of it. So the images he'd seen in that place, the ones that'd shown her and Inuyasha together, were more than just an illusion. Had Inuyasha survived she would've been truly happy with him. Though the idea repulsed him, he'd seen the life and the family they would've built together. Their children, the ones with the smiling cherub faces that so resembled her, would never know what it meant to live. Because of him they'd been erased out of existence, a fate far worse than death.

 

 

Looking at her drawn features and the way her lips pulled into a frown that did not suit her, he felt a wave of immense guilt wash over him. When he'd chosen the path that would ensure Kagome's resurrection, he hadn't even considered what the consequences would be. His demon said his choice had cost two lives - his son's and Inuyasha's - but he realized now how many more had been sacrificed to his selfishness. Rin… She was like a daughter. She'd saved him and asked for nothing in return, yet without hesitation he'd deprived her of the only thing she'd ever truly wanted - a family to call her own.

 

 

The guilt weighed heavily upon his chest like a two-ton beast and did not let up. Looking at her bent head he wondered how one was supposed to ask forgiveness for such a horrific crime. If she knew the truth would she still look at him with love and adoration shining in her eyes? Perhaps some day he would possess the strength to tell her the truth, but today was not that day.

 

 

“I could not save him.”

 

 

Surprised at his admission and the apologetic tone in his voice she gasped softly and lifted her eyes to meet his. “No, Sesshomaru-sama.”

 

 

There was a curious look of understanding in his eyes, one that took her aback. How could he possibly have known? The way he looked at her now told her he knew everything, but how? She'd never spoken of it to anyone! Feeling a blush rise to colour her cheeks she averted her gaze to stare into the hearth fire. Ignorant of the true meaning behind his words, she shrugged her shoulders and picked distractedly at a loose thread hanging from the hem of her cuff.

 

 

“Do not trouble yourself Sesshomaru-sama. Please concentrate on getting better. I know Kagome-sama will be so happy to know you're awake again!”

 

 

“Kagome…” His voice sounded distant and his gaze stared past her at nothing in particular. “Where is she?”

 

 

She chewed on her bottom lip and deliberately kept her back to him as she slowly moved to retrieve the long-forgotten bowl and scattered cloths, now cold and sopping, from the floor. “She is… sleeping.”

 

 

Well it was mostly true. She didn't think it necessary to include the fact that she'd collapsed from exhaustion and had been sleeping for nearly two days straight. He'd only just regained consciousness, he didn't need that kind of stress laid on him so soon.

 

 

“Sleeping?”

 

 

The briskness of his tone rooted her to the spot. She turned to him ever so slowly and found his penetrating eyes staring directly at her. Unable to look away she felt her willpower crumble. He was going to figure it out sooner or later, at least if he heard it from her she could lessen the blow. “Yes, sleeping my lord. The past few days and nights were… long. She needed the rest.”

 

 

He sat still for a long while, not moving or speaking. Realizing that he would probably appreciate some time to himself to think, she quietly busied herself with the fire. The blaze was roaring in the hearth by the time she was done, but the bone deep chill that'd taken over her body refused fade. With a tiny shiver, she slapped her hands together to rid them of the loose bits of wood and ash and turned purposefully toward the bed.

 

 

Seeing nothing but an empty cot with sheets askew behind her she gasped with eyes wide in disbelief. She hadn't even heard him move. He must've walked right past her to get out the door and yet she hadn't noticed a thing. With a smile on her lips she stepped over to the bed and gently straightened the sheets. It was good to have him back.

 

 

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It wasn't long before he could detect the subtle, lingering scent of death wafting towards him down the hall. He came to a halt outside an inconspicuous looking door and gazed at it darkly. There was no reason for him to enter this place, he owed him nothing. But why then did his feet refuse to move? Frustrated and annoyed by the inconvenience of it all he pushed the sliding door open.

 

 

The room was dark, lit only by several small tapers lining the walls. No fire burned in the hearth but there was no need for its warmth. While the rest of the dead had been burnt on a funeral pyre, as was the custom, they'd brought his body to this place. He wasn't sure why they'd done such a thing but he had an inkling Kagome was behind it. For a brief moment the thought twisted his gut with bitterness.

 

 

He stepped further into the room, ignoring the throbbing ache tearing across his stomach. His bandages were soaked through with blood but he hardly noticed. His eyes remained fixed on the dark haired figure kneeling on the floor next to Inuyasha's body. She didn't turn as he approached and kept her eyes fixed downwards to avoid his gaze. The scent of her dried tears gave her away and he couldn't stop the taunting voice that asked if she'd cried over his body as well.

 

 

As irrational as it was, he felt a touch of hatred creep into his heart. Kami how he wanted to hate her. Hating her would hurt less than the pain of knowing that he'd lost her. Maybe not in this life, but at one time he had. A part of her had always loved Inuyasha, something which he thought he'd long since accepted, but the bitterness that washed over him the moment he saw her at his side proved that perhaps he hadn't buried those feelings deep enough.

 

 

“Disgusting.” The venom-laced word escaped from his lips before he had time to consider it. He saw Kagome's shoulders tighten before she turned and lifted her face to him. Dried tracks from her earlier tears still clung to her hollowed cheeks. The ghostly pallor of her skin jolted him momentarily but the repulsed look on his face did not falter.

 

 

“Sesshomaru?” Her voice cracked from disuse when she spoke his name into the stillness of the room. He regarded her coldly despite the way his arm ached from wanting to be wrapped around her. He balled his claws into a tight fist at his side to hold back the urge.

 

 

“Rin told me you were sleeping. What are you doing here?”

 

 

Her eyes dropped guiltily to the floor and her hands clenched at the fabric of her yakata. “I-I was but I had a dream and I had to come see for myself.” The scent of her fresh tears reached his sensitive nose and his teeth ground together.

 

 

“He's really dead isn't he?” she whispered quietly with a tender look cast in Inuyasha's direction.

 

 

“Yes.”

 

 

Ignoring her troubled expression he dropped to one knee on the floor next to the body and stared at it in silence. He was surprised to realize a little while later that he'd been waiting. For a long while he'd stared at the human face of his only brother half expecting him to open his eyes and shoot off some sarcastic remark, but Inuyasha hadn't moved and the room remained silent except for Kagome's quiet sniffles.

 

 

He won't move again, he reminded himself and felt a pang of something run through him.

 

 

What is this feeling? The brother he'd spent his entire life trying to kill was finally dead. He should've felt relief or even gratitude to the panther demon who'd delivered the killing blow, but all he felt was uncontrollable rage. I should've been the one. It was my right!

 

 

Staring down at the slackened features of Inuyasha's face he remembered what he'd seen in that place. The images swam back to him, one after another until his body shook with an emotion he couldn't contain or describe as it was unlike anything he'd ever felt before. It paralyzed him in waves until he lashed out suddenly to dispel the overwhelming tide.

 

 

“Bastard,” he seethed through clenched teeth and slammed his fist into the floor. He struck it again and again and again, ignoring the pain that ricocheted up his arm and the blood that seeped from his knuckles. He felt nothing. None of it mattered anymore.

 

 

“Coward.” Strike.

 

 

“Traitor.” Strike.

 

 

“Weakling.” Strike.

 

 

“You disgust me.”

 

 

His last hit was halted by the touch of a cool hand against the heated skin of his shoulder. Stunned, he whipped round to meet Kagome's tear-filled eyes. He'd forgotten she was there.

 

 

“Enough,” she whispered gently and moved her hand down his arm until it rested overtop his bleeding knuckles. “Enough.”

 

 

He swallowed hard and looked away from her, too ashamed by his display of emotion to meet her gaze. He hadn't felt the scalding tears coursing down his cheeks and the fact that he couldn't understood where they came from disturbed him.

 

 

“Leave me be,” he demanded tersely, clenching his eyes shut against the sight of her. Kami help him, he couldn't bear to feel her touch.

 

 

Kagome's eyebrows lifted in surprise at his request but she ignored it and wrapped her arms around his neck instead. Placing a tender kiss against his shoulder, she brought her head to rest against it. He heaved a great sigh but didn't fight her. Entwined together, they sat in silence and shared each others' strength to fight off the mixed array of emotions holding them prisoner.

 

 

After a long while Kagome lifted her eyes to meet his and saw that the tumultuous emotions that'd been raging inside of them earlier were gone. They were calm and tranquil once more, like the sea after a storm. “Come back to bed with me,” she suggested gently. “It's cold without you in it.”

 

 

His gaze held hers for a moment, his golden eyes filled with questions he would never ask. At first she thought he would refuse, but then he surprised her by acquiescing with a nod of his head. She got to her feet and turned towards the door, expecting him to follow, but found herself held firm by a powerful arm wrapped around her waist.

 

 

Wordlessly he pressed the solid warmth of her body against his chest and dipped his head until his mouth found the smooth curve of her neck. He breathed her scent in deep and let it fill the ache of longing in his chest. She smelled warm and safe and real in his arms and if he concentrated he could still detect the underlying scent of their earlier lovemaking.

 

 

“You can't save him can you?”

 

 

Her steady pulse beat franticly against his lips and he held her tighter, thankful for the reminder that she was alive and his. “Kagome,” he whispered roughly into her ear and he felt her body shudder gently. His pride wouldn't allow him to admit that he couldn't see them. The minions of the Underworld were gone - he couldn't save Inuyasha even if he wanted to.

 

 

“Do you believe me when I say that I love you?” he asked suddenly, knowing that he could never be satisfied without her answer. He didn't say it enough, a fault for which his pride was to blame. Though he couldn't change the nature of his beast he realized acutely just how important this second chance with her was. He'd lost her once; he wasn't foolish enough to make the same mistakes twice.

 

 

Her eyes opened slowly and her body tensed in his embrace. She tried to turn and face him but he held her fast and pressed a soft kiss against the skin of her throat.

 

 

“Of course. Why would you ask me that?”

 

 

He regretfully relinquished his hold on her and she immediately spun to face him, her features a mix of curiosity and worry. Unable to stop himself, he snaked his claws into her ebony locks and washed the lines of worry from her delicate features with a brief but meaningful kiss.

 

 

Without answering her question he pulled away and moved slowly towards the door, where he paused at the threshold to wait for her. With a sigh of relief she joined him and entwined her hand with his, a small smile lighting her features. As he gazed down at her he made a silent vow, to her, to Inuyasha, Rin, Akira and all the others who'd sacrificed everything, that the future would be one that was worth their blood and tears.

 

 

He understood love now, what it meant to have it and lose it and gain it back again. This second chance would not be wasted. His gaze softened as he stared down into Kagome's upturned face. Beautiful… It was the only word he could think to describe her and somehow, despite her tired appearance and the tear marks staining her cheeks, it seemed to fit perfectly.

 

 

With the reassuring touch of her small hand in his he proceeded forward, his eyes focused on the future and his heart satisfied by the knowledge that she hadn't cast a single backward glance.

 

 

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Author's Note:

 

This chapter makes me sad, but I'm happy to see these two finally reunited. My friends, we're so close to the end. One more chapter is left as we're steadily heading towards that much promised happy ending :)

 

I've had an incredible weekend and it only got better once I realized that SOSC won a Dokuga for best “Darkfic”!! Thank you to burgundyburning for the nom and everyone who voted. I actually did a happy dance :) This is the first fan award I've ever received so I'm absolutely ecstatic about it. It's been such a fun ride writing this fic and “Incomplete” and I'm so happy to know that you guys have been enjoying it too :)

 

Thank you thank you thank you! A million times thank you.

 

Until next time….

 

-Langus