InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Taming the unruly ❯ Chapter 16 ( Chapter 17 )
“Mom, can he please stay longer,” they whine childishly, mustering up as much of their inner childishness as they can, something Sesshômaru hasn’t done or rather can’t recall ever doing as a child. “I don’t want him to go.” They look at her mother, eyes widening in that atrocious ‘puppy look’ Rin used whenever she wanted to get her way, a look that makes his pride waver as they plead with a pout. Her mother smiles softly, cupping their face. “Oh honey. I know how much you like Mr. Tashio, but isn’t he a bit too old for you? I’m sure you’ll find a boy your age when we go to Japan.” The puppy look crashes into one of betrayal as they step away from her. “But I feel safe around him,” they protest, stomping their foot, a sliver of fear running up their spine, refining the anxiety they felt only moments ago. A warning look from her mother stops their whine. “Sorry ma,” they apologize, shrinking in defeat. Her mother sighs. “Sweety, You don’t have to be afraid anymore. Mr. Daniel is dead so-.”
“Wha-?” They ask, eyes widening in surprise, although it is no surprise to him. Her mother's brows crinkle in confusion, “Didn’t you know? That’s why he never comes around anymore. I assumed-”
“The fuck! Assumed what?!” They blurt out in disgust, their body trembling in anger from just the thought. “Anastasia! Language!” They jump, startled by her mother’s response. Their anger is replaced by a rush of shame, shame that conflicts with his own feelings. Ana has the right to be angry, why couldn’t she see that? They step back, looking away from her as they speak, “Why would I care about a man who did something like that to me, ma? I just thought that I grew out of his preferred age group, is all.” Their voice eerily soft; shrugging to cover the array of emotions that bombards them. Her mother gives them a sad smile, a look of defeat etching in her eyes. He’s never seen that look before. But before he could analyze the meaning behind it the expression is replaced by a warm smile. “Go say your goodbyes and I’ll see you in the morning, okay love?” They nod, comforted by the soft kiss she lays on their forehead before heading towards the living room.
They greet him as they normally would, anxiety and fear fluctuating throughout the lesson, and as it draws to a close the realization that they will never see him again has their heart pounding. Just as they are about to get up and give the final gesture of goodbye he stops them. “No need for that today,” he begins with a smile. “I have something special to end our final lesson.” Confused they watch him pull a small midnight blue package with a white bow from his bag. Eyes widening; they stare, frozen, at the gift before they realize that he is waiting for them to take it. Heart thundering, they nervously reach for the little box, bowing at the waist as a gesture of thanks before opening it. The small, star-shaped hair clip seems to shimmer with its own light atop the cotton liner as they stare at it. “Tash-” His name never passes their lips as they barrel into him, hugging him with as much strength as their little body can muster. Overwhelmed, they cling to him, tears swimming in their eyes until his gentle touch on their back startles them, pulling them back into a rather embarrassing reality. Mortified, they jump back, apologizing. He chuckles at their childish fluster, lightly patting their head. A warm tingle runs up their spine sending a rush of blood to their cheeks. Is this how Rin feels whenever he did that? Though embarrassing, it was nice. The thought shocks him. What is he thinking, has living in his mate’s younger body changed him? “It is alright.” The response pulls him from his musing, a small squeal escaping their lips as they put the clip in their hair.
He relishes in the warmth of the moment, the look of absolute content from his future self installing a sense of hope for the future. The moment doesn’t last as his thoughts trail towards the fact that his mate is hiding behind her smile while sadness is running rampant within them. It seems as if his mate is much like him in that regard, knowing how to hide her emotions easily. But, the more he thinks about it the more he realizes that he doesn’t like it. There should be no secrets between them. Especially one like this. How could she not tell him that she was abused multiple times? No, this definitely does not sit well with him and they will have a talk about this when he returns. If you return, the voice he thought he has gotten rid of whispers, and if you do she’s already dead. The realization stuns him, his racing mind and emotions overwritten by the joy that floods his soul. The contradicting emotions only make him more anxious and the sudden tickling of his senses isn’t making it any better. What is that? Wait... he’s felt this before. Not in a pleasant way, he should add, but why is it here?
He doesn’t get the chance to figure out the reason as the presence rushes to the surface, pushing Ana’s soul down. It feels as if he is slowly falling as Ana’s soul detaches from his own, leaving him suspended in nothingness. His vision waivers as if underwater, his hearing a bit muffled almost as if the haze has taken him again, just not quite.
His future self steps back in defense, a frown maring his features. “Who are you?” he growls, eyes flashing red. “I didn’t sense a Miko in the girl so where did you come from?”
“Why Sesshômaru, we Miko know how to conceal ourselves just as well as you demons do.” Being detached from Ana, one would think that he would be free, but as the miko spoke so did he. “Time has changed for the both of us,” they continue, “But make no mistake the girl herself isn’t a priestess nor a reincarnation. It is difficult to explain and we don’t have much time.”
“What do you want with this Sesshômaru,” he snarls.
“It’s about the girl.”
“What of her?” He snaps. They sigh, “I know you can feel it Sesshômaru, she is to be your mate.” His future self tenses, jaw clenching. “Don’t be absurd, such things are just legends,” he replies as if to brush the subject away. “And your gift?” They ask cheekily. “It’s nothing but a gift,” he replies swiftly. “I see the way you look at her,” they jab, trying to get a response from him. “She is but a child,” he states as a matter of fact. Is his future self trying to fight his demon? But, why? Ana is alive and he knows he loves her so why would he? Why isn’t his future self taking this advantage to prevent her from going back into the past? To keep her safe from that scoundrel Naraku? To protect her from himself? He frowns at his thought, his heart throbbing in pain at the memory. This isn’t making any sense. “We both know your demon has the patience to wait, to protect her like you did when you found out.” Her statements make him pause as if to consider it but then he shakes his head. “If it were any student of mine this Sesshômaru-”
“But she isn’t!” They interject harshly, cutting him off. There is a long period of silence as they stare at each other before future Sesshômaru turns away. The sadness in his voice deafening as he whispers, “I just cannot. I’m sorry,” before getting up to leave. Wait? What!? What is the meaning of this? Why is he leaving? Has Rin’s future death left such a void that he wouldn’t take what he wants? No. He is a man who did whatever he pleased. Rin’s death would be heartbreaking, but this is his mate, it shouldn’t have affected him this much… right? But from his reaction it seems as if his future self has no recollection of ever being with Ana. How is this possible? What is happening?! A part of him has been wondering why his future self hadn’t killed Mr. Daniel the moment they met, it would have proven that he has known of Ana’s situation… right? Traveling through time is making things quite complicated, but is he really? This is rather confusing, but even so he has been thinking this entire time that Ana is alive. He is living as her after all, which can only mean she is alive. Right? The thought hits him, pulling him into the realization that what he is believing could not be right. It was just a memory after all. His mind tumbles into panic, as he dives deeper into the negative thoughts. Does this mean that he has truly killed her, that this is just a punishment after all? Does that mean he will relive this nightmare over and over again?
“Sesshômaru…” they call out, pulling him back to his daunting reality, but his future self doesn’t look back and as the door softly clicks shut the only thing they can do is to bow their head in sadness.
“I’m sorry Anastasia,” they whisper to themselves, clutching their chest. “All of this has been taxing on you. I don’t want to do this but when you realize what is going on I’m afraid you will only spiral into despair and I won’t have that. Especially after seeing that he needs you more than anything.” This whole situation is giving him a headache. He can’t comprehend his own panic and the Miko’s words only added to the confusion. Nothing is making sense and as the mist shrouds his vision a sense of dread overtakes him.
~~~
Sesshômaru doesn’t like being confused, nor does he like not being in control of his emotions; so coming into a serene scene like this one when just moments ago he was panicking, doesn’t sit well with him. The serenity he feels from his mate, as they lie on her bed with her diary in their hand, conflicts with his confused and panicked state of mind. This isn’t her room he realizes after a moment, but it doesn’t seem to bother them. “Only five months here and I must admit I don’t hate it,” they write in her diary. “I made some friends, although it’s all girls. Is that weird? But the boys scare me, don’t know why though.” What does she mean by that? Isn't it obvious why she can’t be close to males? This is becoming increasingly frustrating, the panic still lingering in his mind isn’t helping either. It’s exhausting, but in this state intertwined with his mate, he could do nothing.
“Maybe it was from that one time Mr. Daniel touched me? I feel as if there is something that I need to remember but every time I try to think about it’s nothing but a blur and I get a headache. I don’t know why I feel this way but I hope that I can just be normal and have a relationship one day like all the other girls in my class.” They touch the star clip in her hair, a sense of deep loss intermingling with their confusion. They frown, “And why can’t I remember who gave this to me?” They say out loud. They close the book, sighing as they roll onto their back. What did she mean by ‘one time’? Has she forgotten all the hurt and pain that man has put her through? Tears roll down their cheeks as their body shakes, the pain of loss becoming unbearable. Just as unbearable as being powerless to help his mate. He can’t even muster up the deep anger he has felt towards the miko moments ago. She did something to his mate, and when he gets the chance she would pay.
~~~
“Ana, you’re spacing out again.” A young Japanese male sits across from them, his expression irritated. “This is what I’m talking about. You clearly don’t want to be in this relationship.”
“It’s not like that Akari-kun, it’s just-” they trail off, not intending to finish but at the same time not knowing what to say. Another scene where his emotions are being overwritten by his mate’s. At this point this whole situation is more torture rather than mere frustration. He can’t react or feel the way he wants to and now this human boy, whom he would like to tear his claws into, is spouting nonsense about being in a relationship with his mate! The ungrateful runt better be happy he is unable to bring to light his desires. How could he be reduced to such a state? The gods must be laughing at him, showing him such a moment in his mate’s past. His pride is already hanging on by a thread now his virtue is taking a beating. Being this powerless that he can’t even protect his mate when it matters the most is definitely torture, and on top of that, his mate has forgotten a large part of her life. “Look whatever your reason, I told you you could talk to me. And you don’t. We don’t even go on dates, and you hate it when I touch you.” To prove his point he reaches forward and touch their hand but they instantly pull away.
His anger flares at the audacity of the creature before him; and for a moment, when they bang their fist on the table, he wonders if he has finally been granted some sort of control.
“Look Aki, there’s nothing to talk about. I don’t know why I can’t bare your touch. I have told you this before and if you don’t like my answer you can leave. I. Don’t. Care.” Akari looks at them surprised and a bit shocked. “Fine,” he replies through clenched teeth after a moment. “It’s over.” Without a second glance he storms out of the restaurant leaving them confused, drained and angry. Three emotions Sesshômaru has recently become well acquainted with.
~~~
They walk into the house, bag strapped over their shoulder, exhausted which for once was how he truly felt. “Ana?” They roll their eyes, the sound of her father’s voice making their eye twitch. “Yes, father,” they answer, the irritation evident in their voice. “Come here.” Groaning, they obey his command, dragging their feet to their destination. The hairs on the back of their neck stand on edge when they enter the living room where her father sits with a man who’s dressed just as prestigious as he. The situation would be “normal” if they couldn't feel the dread, heavy in the air. A jumble of emotions from surprise to anger runs through their body as they put on their best mask of indifference. The man’s lecherous smile, much like Mr. Daniel’s, makes them sneer in disgust. They try their best to ignore him, the unwanted attention making their skin crawl. What is this?! They look at her father questioningly. “I would like you to meet Mr.Yakamoshi. He has arranged to spend some time with you.” Their teeth hurt from the force with which they clench their jaws together, as they stare blankly at her father. “What the fuck does that mean?” they ask with a fake smile. Her father gives them a stern look, silently demanding respect. “Am I some kind of sex ‘bot you can just hand off to someone, father?” they continue through clenched teeth, body trembling with anger, “ Mr. Daniel made a deal with you too? Is that how it went down? He paid you off to be quiet about touching me as a kid? Huh! So now the opportunity comes around you want me to spread my legs like some whore?!” they scuff, “You know what dad~, you can take whatever “arrangement” you made and shove it up your ass, and his ass too for that matter! Yeah best you get each other off!” Fuming they storm out of the house, slamming the door on their way out.
The tension in their shoulders subsides only after they enter the train and even though he is by now aware of the technological advancements of her era he can’t shake the unease that comes with willingly entering a metal earthworm. The serene atmosphere, gentle sway and clatter of the train wheels soothes the turbulence of emotions within them. Where they are going, he has no clue, but one thing is certain, he is happy with the fact that his mate has stood up to her father.
Several minutes later, they exit the train and after a few minutes of walking they arrive at a row of apartments. The environment isn’t familiar to him, but Ana walks to her destination with confidence. After walking up a small flight of stairs they knock on the door marked M13. A teenage girl pops her head out. “Ana. Let me guess... You and your dad got in an argument. Again.” she says exasperated. They grin, shrugging, “You know he gets under my skin easily but this time it was totally his fault.” The girl shrugs, stepping aside to let them into the tiny apartment “Alright, alright tell me about it.” After relaying what happened earlier that day her friend is astonished. “Bullshit! You don’t mean the owner of Yakamoshi design clothing. As in the Mr. Yakamoshi. I know the guy knows business and I’ve heard about some scandals but this is crazy!”
“Yeah.” They touch the clip in their hair, the feel and memory of it making them frown. “Now that I think about it I wonder if this clip is some kind of fucked up gift from Mr. Daniel.”
“Oh.” Her friend sounds out uncomfortably. They nod in response. Suddenly disgusted they rip the clip from their hair, looking at it with a sad frown. “Here, you take it Yuki. I don’t want anything from that guy on me. Can you imagine that I thought it was from someone special?” Their heart feels as if it is being squeezed as they give the clip to her friend. It’s as if it is a part of herself and if Sesshômaru could frown he would. Things have taken a turn for the worse and it seems as if his mate has no recollection of ever meeting him. His heart flutters with agony at the thought. His mate has forgotten about him. Why did the priestess do this to her, to them?
~~~
A whimper, followed by a loud clatter pulls them out of their sleep. Drained and confused they get up to find the reason for the noise only to stop short when they see what is going on. Her mother on the floor, blood trickling down her lip with her father looming over her. “This is your fault Pamela! You let that girl run around and do whatever she pleases and now I’ve lost a good business deal!” The mother whimpers when another blow lands across her face. What the actual fuck?! Sesshômaru is just as astonished as she is as they stare, paralyzed as her father repeatedly hits her mother.. “Please Joe, I didn’t-”
“Shut up!” he yells, cutting her off. Why is her mother tolerating this abuse? Is that the reason for the sad look in her eyes before? No woman should be treated like this by her mate. Such an act is punishable by death. The growl they emit surprises him. Body shaking, vision blurring, they turn away from the scene, heading back to their room. Has her mother withstood this treatment because of Ana? He had threatened her before. A rush of hatred pulls him out of his musing as they turn on a lamp, pulling out her diary from a drawer and write in big bold letters: He will pay!
~~~
The harsh screeching of her chair against the floor pulls him from the haze, they are in school, walking rather confidently towards the front of the class. What is she up to? They clear their throat before speaking, “Before I give you my official presentation I would like to expose Mr. Yakamoshi of Yakamoshi Designs for the perverted fuck he is.” The class turns silent after they hear her statement. Now that they have the full attention of the class they continue, “There has been a lot of things in my personal life that has happened and I realized that I may not be the only one. So I began to do some investigating on my own and found that there have been other girls and none of them had the courage to speak about it, so here I am.” She plans to reveal what she went through to her class? How is this helpful? From the corner of their eye they can see the teacher shifting uncomfortably in her chair. “A few months ago Mr. Yakamoshi came to my house and made a deal with my father to have sexual relations with me.” Everyone in the class gasps and the teacher shoots out of her chair finally free of the stupor their initial statement has put her in. “Miss Johnson!” They ignore the teacher and try to continue their speech but she pulls them out of the room. “I will not have you making blatant remarks about a man like Mr. Yakamoshi. You will report to the principal's office immediately.” The teacher’s shouting doesn’t phase them and they simply turn and leave, a smile on their face as they walk towards the principal’s office.
As they sit in the chair much less cushioned than the one behind the spotless hinoki desk, face void of any emotions, Sesshômaru is rather proud of his mate. Although it wasn’t what he would have done, the truth was told and now more people would be talking about it. Whatever the principal is saying falls on deaf ears as they stare blankly forward. The final verdict is expulsion which doesn’t phase them, instead they leave the school with their head held high and a smirk on their lips.
~~~
“Ana why don’t you sit?” They turn towards the voice. A woman sits in a comfortable chair in front of them. What is this? Sesshômaru wonders as they turn back to the window they stared out of. “I don’t need to sit. I’ve already told you everything I remember. My father is only sending me here because I won’t bend to his will,” they scuff, rolling their eyes.
“I see,” she juts down something in her notepad, the scribbling quite loud in the silent room. “You have told me a lot of things but so much of it is unclear,” she continued. “ You said you feel empty sometimes, as if you lost something or someone close to you. Can you elaborate more on that?”
“What else do you want me to say!” They reply, throwing their hands up in the air. “That’s all there is to it.” They turn to look fully at the woman, their arms folded over their chest, a scowl on their face. “Are you sure there isn’t more?” They only sigh, giving the woman an angry look. “You wouldn’t be lashing out like this if there wasn’t something else that happened to you as a child. You told me-”
“I told you I was raped and then my father tried to sell me off like some whore. I got upset. Did some digging and made sure other people heard. To make it worse he was abusing my mother. “As I’ve said before the only reason I’m here is because I won’t bend to my father’s will. What else do you want me to say? ”
“So are you suppressing your memory?” The question came out of nowhere and for a moment it makes them pause as if sudden realization has struck her mind alight, but after a moment they shrug again. “I don’t know. A part of me feels that there is something there to remember. Something dark, but when I try to remember I get a headache so I just forget about it. It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m not normal.”
“Don’t say that,” the woman said softly. “All rape victims heal differently. It’s not something you can easily walk away from. If you feel that way why don’t we tell the-,”
“I already told you that I didn’t want to involve the authorities.” A shot of fear and anger rushes through them, a scowl maring their face. “Ana..”
“You promised the first day I came here,” they say sadly. The woman smiles at them in understanding. “Also, trying to remember is fucking with my life and all this therapy bullshit isn’t making it better. Involving the authorities would just make this worse, especially for my mom. Maybe it’s a good thing I can’t remember. I could be worse than I think and I could relapse into cutting again.” They look at their wrist. Thin, dark lines are etched horizontally across them. His mate’s overwhelming sadness almost drowns Sesshômaru’s shock at the revelation. Had those always been there? He has never seen those marks on her. Have years of healing removed them? Or has he been so blind to it?
~~~
The first thing he feels is heat as the sun’s rays beat down on them. They squint as they look up the hill, shielding their eyes to get a better view. No human should be able to withstand such immense heat, yet here they are panting as they trek up the slope, sweat dripping from places sweat shouldn’t be, hair clinging to their face and neck. They stop for a moment, taking a swing of water and wiping their face before continuing their journey. Where are they going? One thing he knows for sure is that Ana isn’t happy, if them grumbling about the fact that they hate her father isn’t the biggest clue. Just when he thinks that they have finally reached their destination, a long row of stairs leading to a shrine proves him wrong. It takes a long moment of contemplation before they finally take the steps, plopping down on the last stair and taking off their shoes when they reach the top. They gasp, the view breathtaking. Feudal Japan never had such wonders with the tall buildings, metal birds and honking carriages, it was definitely a lot quieter; but this is still beautiful.
Finally rested but still hot, they pull on their shoes, hoist their bag over their shoulder and walk past the tori gates towards the house. After knocking and calling for several minutes with no response they seek shelter with uncharacteristically haste. The way that they cough seems to disturb her just as much as Sesshômaru himself and he knows that her health is at risk. They look around and Sesshômaru almost, if he could, freezes when he sees the old tree his brother had spent years pinned to, a Goshinboku though much bigger than the one he is familiar with. What the hell? Are these the remains of that old village his brother has spent so many years of his life at?
After a few minutes they spot an old shed. Elated, they trot over to it, thankful that they finally have shade. The cool breeze that passes over them makes them shiver in delight. For a moment they hesitate when they peer into the dark shed but after realizing it would be better than boiling alive they take the risk.
Sesshômaru isn’t too surprised when he sees the old well, but upon seeing it he feels that odd sensation he has felt just before the Miko has appeared previously. Interestingly enough she does not surface. As they sit on the edge of the rickiety well Sesshômaru couldn’t help but be drawn to it. Is the miko sensing the same pull towards the past? Just as they are about to take a swig of water a cat jumps out from nowhere scaring them. They fall back, plunging into the darkness with nothing to grab onto and for a moment Sesshômaru wonders if this is the end.
ooOoo
Sesshômaru gasped as he bolted upright from the dream. Eyes wide, heart racing, sweat dripping down his face, it takes him a moment to catch his breath. He paused. Something was different. For one he realized he was taller. Much taller than Ana had been in the last scene that had played out and also his sense of smell was back. The copper tinge of blood lingered about and the songs of the night animals could be heard clearly through the wooden walls. Although it was pitch black he could see just fine, he wasn’t in Ana’s body anymore. He had returned. Returned to the time and moment where he had-. He stopped that thought instantly, the stale taste of her blood in his mouth making him want to vomit.
“Thump-thump.” His back straightened, head turning towards the direction of the sound. “Thump-thump. Thump-thump.” His ears straining to listen to the sound. The sound was close, too close. He hadn’t sensed an enemy but- “Thump-thump-thump-thump.” the beat got faster. What the hell? For a moment fear grips him, which was not something he was accustomed to. Sesshômaru had no fear, he was fear; but at this moment he felt weak, too weak. How was it possible, where was his youki? Was it part of his punishment? It left him feeling vulnerable and to the sound of a mere heartbeat! He was reacting the way a human would in times of danger. Fight or flight. Unacceptable!
The sound of a low grumble threw him off. He knew that voice, that voice he thought he would never hear again. As he slowly turned to look at his mate he wondered if he had finally succumbed to madness because of what he had done. Instead, what he saw left him completely stunned. He could see the slight rise and fall of her chest, hear the flutter of her heart and the mumbles she would make in her sleep. But how was this possible? Was this just a figment of his imagination? Her face scrunched up in pain, her heartbeat suddenly thundering, and within the second she woke up screaming. He caught her when she lurched into his arms, her body warm and all to real. Was he dreaming? He couldn’t because he could smell the drying blood, feel his mates warm skin on his own and hear the melodious song of her heartbeat. “Ana?” he called out questioningly. She pulled away from him, wiping tears from her eyes. “Yes?” she replied after a moment. “I had a bad dream Sesshômaru, ” she sniffled. He felt as if his heart was about to burst open. He hadn’t killed her, she was alive, but what happened? Why was he so drained? It didn’t matter, his mate was safe.