InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Taming the unruly ❯ Chapter 17 ( Chapter 18 )

“I am safe, I am safe…” That was her mantra as she clung to him, willing her racing heart to slow as she took comfort in his embrace. It had all been so surreal, and for a moment she had wondered if what she had been going through was reality, only to wake up. Her brows crinkled in confusion. If that was the case, why did a part of her feel as if it were real? “Ana?” Hearing her name pulled her from her thoughts. His eyes seemed to shine with worry, making it hard for her to stop the sudden onslaught of tears. Whether it was from relief or shock she wasn't sure, but the thick, heavy, waters washed her face as they rolled down her cheeks. “Ana what's wrong?” he asked, concern evident in his voice. What was wrong? She wasn't sure herself. She was fine a moment ago but it seemed as if the shock of the whole situation had worn off and all the pent up emotions she had been feeling throughout the ordeal had scrapped its way to the surface. “I-I was so scared,” she hiccuped, trying to stop the tears, but they wouldn’t. Her body shook, the little energy she had recovered only moments earlier zapped away by the tears. “Ana. Ana. Look at me,” he called out, gently grabbing her face. There was a slight tremble in his fingers as he wiped away her tears but his eyes screamed determination. Was he okay? “It’s alright. It’s alright,” he said, pulling her out of her questioning thought. His voice was mellow and the kiss he gave on her forehead melted all her fears and frustrations away. He wasn’t okay though something felt off about him, he was normally steady, strong; but his hands, they trembled. What was that about? At the back of her mind she knew she should push away her turmoil and make sure he was alright, but she wanted to be selfish and take care of herself first. Was that wrong?

Her weary body slumped further into his embrace, accepting the stability and comfort he gave. She needed this, especially after the episode she just had. “What troubles you?” he asked after a moment, pulling her away from him. As her eyes adjusted to the dark she tried to find a way to explain what had happened to her. What would he think? Would he think she was crazy if she told him that she had been trapped in his body? She shook her head. Of course he would! “It was just a dream,” she tired to assure herself but a small part of her said otherwise. She should just tell him she had had a weird dream about him, yes that’s it, but he would know that she was leaving something out. Damn him and his freaking great sense of smell! She sighed. She should tell him. If not for his sake, then for hers. It would ease her mind if she could tell him what she experienced.

“I had a horrid dream about you,” she stated reluctantly. He tensed, his voice all too serious as he asked, “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know how to explain it,” she shrugged, “But it was as if I were you, but I wasn’t and…” she paused for a moment, stuttering as she tried to collect her thoughts. “It was like looking through your eyes, but my thoughts were my own. I could feel everything you felt and spoke as you did and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

The screams they were so loud. She looked at her hands, the blood dripping off them, the wicked gleeful monstrous laugh she laughed. Her hand trembled from the adrenaline pumping through her veins as she grabbed the hilt of her sword. What had she done? “Ana?” the raspy sound of one of her victims whispered in her ear, their cold breath sending the hairs on the back of her neck on stand. Air hitched in the back of her throat, tears rolling down her face once more as she looked up to hear Sesshômaru calling her name. “Ana….Ana. Are you alright?” The mixture of fear and concern in his voice made her choke. She shook her head, her body trembling, throat closing up. Her eyes squeezed shut as she took a shaky breath, her fingers wrapping tightly around his arm.. “Tell me what you saw,” he whispered encouragingly, the tips of his fingers gliding effortless across her skin. She shivered at the feel, the comfort of it all. Did she really want to tell him? Tell him all the horrid things she saw him do? She shuddered, she couldn’t. That was not the Sesshomaru she knew and loved. Yes, he was a demon and they could be horrible sometimes, but this was Sesshomaru, he had control. The way her mind had depicted him... it was as if he were a feral animal. A sliver of disgust coursed through her body as she remembered the way he had enjoyed killing mercilessly in her dream. Was it completely his fault? Any human would have cracked under the pressure of living up to his father's legacy at such a young age. It had just taken him longer, and unlike most humans; who would have turned to drugs, he vented his anger by killing. She frowned. It didn't make her feel any better about it though, instead she felt as if she had dishonored him in some way. He would never lose control like that, after all.

She couldn't look him in the eye when she said, “I saw you as a child,” she sniffled, “lived through your training and bonding with your father and felt the immense pain you felt when he left to rescue Inuyasha, to die.” She paused, taking a moment to let the memory wash over her. She continued with a whisper, “You went on a killing spree.” She didn't go into too much details, the lingering screams still echoing through her mind and the feel of blood on her hands still haunting her. She hadn’t realized she had stopped talking until he touched her arm. After taking a slow calming breath she continued, “Your mother had to forcibly take control from you and after you realized what you had done you left to train, to get in control of your emotions…. but you turned cold,” she whispered, shivering. She could still feel the emptiness he had carried inside him for so long until Rin had come along. “Then you met Rin and you started to change. Then you met me,” she chuckled, wiping her nose and eyes. God, she felt like a mess and knew she probably looked like one too. “I didn’t know that you could have such intense emotions for someone,” she rambled, shaking her head. “Especially me. For fucks sake I depicted you as some feral animal who would kill anyone without hesitation! I don't deserve that kind of love.” What was she saying? It was all just a dream. She knew he loved her and knew he wasn't that type of person unless you provoked him; but she couldn't help but think about the way he felt for her in her dream. It was so raw and passionate, like she was embracing the sun. Cliché, but it was so bright that she wondered how he was able to contain it all, especially when she had trampled, albeit unintentionally, all over his heart by rejecting him. Now that she thought about it, after she had met herself in her dream it started to look like what happened to her in real life, but from his perspective. Could that mean...? She shook her head. Of course it couldn't it wasn't real. It was just a dream!

“It wasn’t a dream Ana. All of that really happened. You were living out my past memories.” It took her a moment to really process what he had said, to let it sink in. Her mind felt as if it had been electrocuted as her body stiffened. “Wha- What do you mean?” she asked, eyes widening in horror, heart beating frantically in response to his implication. He had to be joking. She flinched when he gripped her forearm, his gaze turning all too serious in this moment of panic and whatever he said after fell on deaf ears as she remembered what he had said.

 ooOoo

It is bright, too bright for her eyes to adjust and she is falling. Why is she falling? After an eternity she lands, the ground rippling as her feet touch the floor. Where is this? Everywhere is sterile white, no exit for as far as her eyes can see. “Ana.” Her head snaps in the direction of the solemn voice only to find no one there. Maybe it’s her imagination? “Ana, I'm happy you came.” Ok, she isn’t imagining things, she did hear that. In a normal situation she would run in the opposite direction but seeing as there is nowhere in particular to run to she stands her ground and asks, “Who are you and how do you know my name?” A wave of energy washes over her in response to her question, she has felt that energy before. Did he come to rescue her? Elated she calls for him, looking around but she can’t find him.“Sesshômaru? Where are you? I don’t like this. I want to go home.”

Instead of a verbal answer the space in front of her slowly splits open, the shape of eyes red as blood taking form. She takes a step back, that idea to run taking form until she sees the familiar dark blue moon and maroon stripes. Have those always been there? The eyes slowly rise, a muzzle forming as the space takes shape. Sesshômaru’s demon form? Why is he here and in that form? He stands in all his majestic glory. “Do you love me?” he suddenly asks. “Huh? Of course I do.” she responds, shyly. “Why would you ask me that? You should know.” He chuckles, the sound vibrating the air around them. The sound of his laughter takes her by surprise and for a moment it bothers her. She doesn't like being laughed at, especially after being asked such a question. What the hell? His chuckle dies down after he sees her glare and is instantly replaced with a smirk. He is lucky he is much bigger than her or she would wipe that smirk from his face. “My dearest Anastasia. This Sesshômaru merely asked because this Sesshômaru wanted to hear it for himself.” He nudges her with his wet nose, effectively dissipating her glare. She chuckles at the feel of his warm breath, the sudden change in the atmosphere leaving her relaxed. After a moment he steps back, his gaze turning all too serious. She gives him a questioning look, ready to question him, but he speaks before she can say anything. “I am not sure if this will work. What I have done to you could kill you and although it may not be possible I am prepared to follow you into the afterlife.” What is he talking about? Sensing her confusion, he explains, “This Sesshômaru will attempt something that has never been done. During our last mating I bit you with the intention to mate you like one demon would mate another. The hope was to bring you here and this Sesshômaru is pleased that you have accepted the invitation. I asked you the question earlier not only to hear your answer but to ask another. Will you be willing to give me all your love in exchange for most of my youki?”

You would think that she would say yes instantly but there were so many questions. Did he just say that he has bit her? Possibly killing her? What did he mean give him all her love? Would it be possible to accept his youki? Couldn't this kill her? Could it kill him? The thoughts were like a tornado, swirling through her mind. All went still when she looks into his eyes, his gaze soft and pleading. That is when she knows, knows that she doesn’t care if she lives or dies, but what about him, could he live without his yôki? This gives her a moment of pause, yes she has had the opportunity to embrace him, love him, show him that she belongs to him just as much as he belongs to her, but would she be okay if he dies. He did say he was prepared to follow her into the afterlife. “Wouldn’t giving me your youki kill you?”

“My dearest, you lack faith in me. I am one of the strongest of my kind, giving you my youki will only weaken me temporarily, but it is you that I worry about.”

“What do you mean?”

“For one, the miko inside of you. The two do not mix, like water and oil. Giving you my youki could pose a problem. At the same time the two powers are quite similar in their destructiveness. It is that ability that I am hoping will make this work. Secondly you must accept me. All of me. You will understand after. If it doesn’t I won’t hesitate to follow you into the afterlife.” She nods, somewhat understanding what he was saying but ... “What miko?” she asks, a bit confused. “Are you saying that you are unaware of the presence inside you?” he asks. “Are you saying I’m possessed?” she squeakes, not too happy with something like that happening to her.

“No,” he replies, “It is difficult to explain, but I will try. You know of that woman that is with Inuyasha.”

“You mean Kagome?” He nods, “Yes, her. She is what we call a miko. A presence like the one she possesses is a part of you. You, however, aren’t a miko. You only harness one inside you.” As she thinks about it she could remember hearing someone talk to her when she went to save Sesshômaru. It takes a while for her to fully process what he is saying and after a moment responds confidently, “Yes.” He bristles with pride at her answer before condensing into a ball of pure light. He feels cool and hot at the same time in her hands. “I’m sorry for what you will see, but this Sesshômaru promises that he loves you.” With that his energy flows into her, burning as it does so. She crumples to her knees, screaming as it engulfs her, burning her alive as it courses through her body. How could one feel the pains of death so many times and come to like it? She smiles as darkness encloses her vision and the next time she opens them she finds herself looking into the eyes of proud parents. “Welcome to the world my son, your name will be Sesshômaru and on this day I, Touga, have become a proud father.”

ooOoo

Her head felt as if it was about to explode. Everything, everything she knew about him was a lie. Was that the reason he had apologized? Because he knew she would see him as the feral demon he was? “Ana. Ana, are you listening to me?” She hadn’t realized she had pulled away from him until she saw a look of hurt cross his features. He reached for her but she flinched, effectively stopping his approach. His arm dropped back to his side, his fists clenching around the sheet. “Ana, I'm sorry so please.” His voice was soft and filled with distress. Her throat felt tight, she didn't know what to say or feel. There was so much going on, too much information to handle at that moment. She needed to get away, so that's what she did. Numb, she got up from where she sat, turning away from the situation, only to stop when he spoke again. “Don't leave me again, please.” The words jabbed at her chest. This was too much, she just couldn't deal with it right now. “ Sesshômaru, I-”

“I wouldn't know what to do with myself if you left,” he interrupted. “And you think I know what to do or how to feel at this moment!” She didn't mean to yell. “No,” he replied solemnly, “But I understand.”

“You understand?” she scoffed, “You understand! How could you possibly understand how I feel right now,” she choked, her body shaking with both fear and anger. She couldn’t think. All she could hear was his maniacal laughter and feel the blood on her hands. The thought alone made her want to puke and as she looked at her hands all she could see was red. Why was this happening to her? Was she being punished for sleeping with a demon? Squeezing her eyes shut she tried to reason with herself; to remember the Sesshômaru she had met, the loving, caring one that did anything for the ones he loved, but she couldn’t put behind what she saw, his past it… it was just too much. The Sesshômaru she knew was drowned out by the Sesshômaru she had seen. Her head snapped up when she heard footsteps and without thought she took a step back when he stumbled towards her. He looked so weak. “Ana..” he called out, reaching for her from where he stood. He seemed so helpless and for a moment she wanted nothing more than to run towards him, but the screams they were so loud. Shaking her head she took another step back, “No! No, don’t come close to me you monster,” she spat. “You lied to me! You’re no better than Naraku.” The moment those words left her mouth the air went deathly silent, his aura flaring with anger. “You will not speak to this Sesshômaru this way!” he growled out, squaring his shoulders as he stood tall. His eyes stared daggers at her, pinning her to her spot. She couldn’t move, couldn’t look away from his turmoil filled eyes.

“I went through the same hell you did!” he exploded, “And this is how you repay me?!” What was he talking about? “Fuck you Sesshômaru,” she grounded out, willing her body to move. “Fuck you and fuck this! This is not what I signed up for.” The tension in the air was so thick that it felt as if she was choking on it. It took all her will to look away from him, to turn from his piercing gaze. Finally out of her trance she turned, leaving the room. The front door felt as if it were miles away as she walked towards it, her tear filled vision only making it hard for her to see. She needed to get away, to run from the madness that seemed to ensneer her. It was all real, all of it. He was..he was a monster. She trusted him, loved him, gave herself to him only to find out what he truly was. How could she be so stupid? The hard wood of the sliding door alerted her of her exit. With blurry eyes she stepped out into the morning light only to be stopped by someone unexpected. “Oh my, took you children quite a bit. I started to fear I was about to die of old age.” Mizuki slowly rose from her seat, dusting her robes as she did. “I have come to retrieve you two.” The tightness in her chest unclenched when she saw the woman. Instantly she clung unto the false sense of joy at the thought of not being alone with him anymore. “What’s the matter Ana?” She was about to answer when she heard his footsteps. Every muscle in her body screamed at her to flee but she couldn't, neither could she say a word. Instead she shook her head, swallowing the lump of fear and agitation in her throat. Sighing Mizuki looked at them both, a frown maring her features. “Ah-Un, is waiting for you two. Let’s go.” Two? Maybe she misspoke. Thinking nothing of it she climbed Ah-Un, content with riding by herself. At least she could have space to think. That didn't last long when she felt him sit behind her. All the hairs on her body stood on edge when his arms encircled her to take the reigns. This could not be happening. Why wasn't he flying like Mizuki? Frozen, it took her a moment to find her voice. “Mizuki. Can I ride with you?” the raw fear in her voice frightened even herself and for a moment she was ashamed, but could she really blame herself? Mizuki turned, eyes narrowing at her request. “I’m afraid not. You will go with Sesshômaru.” All the air seem to rush out her lungs when she heard her response. There was no room for argument, not even a slight protest. She was stuck and there was nothing, absolutely nothing she could do about it. The heavy thumping of her heart shook her body, her breath turning shallow. “You need to get yourself together, Ana. It won't be for long, and when you get to the castle you can go to your own room.” Yes, it would only be for a short while. Taking a calm breath she tried her best to ignore his presence and the gut wrenching fear in the pit of her stomach as Ah-Un lurched forward into the sky.

ooOoo

Her piercing red eyes looked back at the couple, one clearly agitated and afraid the other seemingly calm but she knew better. He was hurt. This is not what she had expected when she had left them alone a week ago. None of it made any sense. The reason she had come was because she could sense her son’s youki growing weak, she didn’t know it was damn near depleted until she had landed. What was more bizzare was the conversation the two had. What did it all mean? This couldn’t possibly mean that they somehow mated as two demons would? That didn’t make any sense, she had heard rumors of such a thing in lesser demons and the journal she had given Ana never gave accounts of such a thing. Could this possibly be what happened because Ana was human? Something was amiss and she couldn’t figure out what it was. Even more concerning was Sesshômaru’s moon. It was not dark blue anymore but blood red. That change could only mean one thing, he was mated to someone. But that couldn’t be, Ana was a human. Maybe that’s what the shared memories meant. Even so, if that was possibly true, why couldn’t she sense her sons youki within Ana? There were too many questions and not enough answers. With a huff she sped forward, signaling Ah-Uh to follow her lead. They needed to get back to the castle as soon as possible so she could get some answers.

In a blast of light she shimmered back into her humanoid form. Without as much as a glance backwards, to see if they both had fared well, she walked through her guarded gates, signaling for some of her handmaids to prepare her room for her entrance. Passing her kneeling subjects she walked through the sliding door to her padded room. The soft pelt tickled the bottom of her feet as she gracefully walked over to the balcony overlooking her garden, and took a seat on a wooden bench. “Mitsumi,” she called out to one of her handmaids. The girl swiftly made her way over, bowing to the floor as she presented herself. “Fetch me some tea,” she commanded softly. Rising, the girl made her way to do as commanded. “Oh Touga,” Mizuki murmured softly, looking out at her garden while caressing the necklace he had left for her. “What am I to do. I had hoped they would be rejoicing but all I see is betterness between them. What have I done?” She clutched the necklace, wishing that she could feel his presence once more.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the girls return, a platter filled with an assortment of cheese and another with the teapot and cup. She wasn’t surprised that Mitsumi did this for her. It was one of her guilty pleasures, especially during times of stress and this was a most stressful time. Signalling for the girl to go, after she poured her tea, Mizuki enjoyed her assortment while pondering on what to do. Ana had smelt of pure fear and anger to the point of disgust; and what her son had done, yelling at her like that definitely did not make it any better. She sighed. That boy didn't use his head sometimes, but she understood why. His pride was easily bruised and for her to compare him to Naraku, that also was very foolish of Ana. She could feel a headache coming on. Things had to be resolved, but first she needed to speak with Ana. The girl didn’t fully understand Sesshômaru’s past, and how the hell did she know about all that? With that Mizuki decided she would pay the girl a visit. This could not go on for long. She knew her household, the rumors would spread like wildfire if things weren’t resolved as soon as possible. She had noticed the change of Sesshômaru’s moon the moment he came out of the cottage, it was plain as day that he was mated. It was to Ana, that was very obvious to her because she knew her son would not be disloyal, but everyone else would assume the worst. She would not allow her son’s name to be tarnished. The feral growl she emitted frightened even her, pulling her from her thoughts. She frowned when she looked in her hand, it hadn’t occurred to her that she had released such a large burst of youki. That had been her favorite cup. A large clatter had her turn. There, not too far from her, one of the servants stood, frozen. The bitter smell of fear wafted off the young maid, every muscle in her body stiff from the power that still lingered in the room. Mizuki looked at where the vase lay, the water and flowers scattered over the floor. Not on her fur! First her cup, now her fur is wet. Tsking, she simply commanded for it to be cleaned along with the teapot and cups before heading to find Ana.

The pungent scent of anger and fear could be smelt from down the hall of Ana’s room. There were no indication that her son had come in this direction which meant that he was off somewhere licking his wounded pride. With that knowledge she walked towards Ana’s room. Without knocking she walked inside, dismissing any maid servant that was there. There, on the futon, laid Ana, body shaking under the blankets. It truly was a pitiful sight. “Ana,” she called out with much superiority. The girls body stiffened but she refused to respond any further. Agitated Mizuki took another approach. “You are in the presence of the lady of the Inu house. I will not have you presenting yourself to me that way. Get up!” She snarled and smiled inwardly when she smelt the girl’s anger. That was the feisty Ana she knew. The irritation and defiance in her eyes would have sent a lesser being running but it only amused her. Rising from her futon the girl bowed, presenting herself correctly. Ana hadn’t even lifted her head fully when she connected her hand across her face. The sound echoed in the room, shock imprinting across her face. “That is for comparing my son to that low life Naraku and for calling him a monster.” It hurt to hurt her like this, but she had to be the adult and find a way to rectify the problem. “This is not the Ana I know, sniffling around pitifully. What happened to the girl who would rather fight for what she wanted.”

“She was taken away by the man she thought she loved,” Ana whispered. “Stop being overly dramatic child. You know as well as I that my son is not the man he once was. He’d never harm a hair on yours or Rin’s head. You should know from what you saw in his memories, yes?” She frowned when the girl didn’t move. This was not going the way she wanted it too, Ana looked so lost before her, much like how her son had looked when they were returning to the castle. “Ana, look at me,” she spoke softly, guiding the girls face to towards hers, inspecting the side she had hit to make sure it wasn’t bruised. Pleased by what she saw she spoke, “Ana, Sesshômaru is not the man he was in the past. After meeting Rin and you he has changed. He loves you both and wouldn’t do anything that would cause either of you harm. It is most unfair to judge him based on his past actions,” she reiterated gently. She could feel the guilt radiating off the girl in front of her, she knew she was right. “He had no right yelling at you in that way, but you never gave him a chance to speak. Did you not hear him tell you about being trapped in your body also?” That got Ana’s attention. “What?” she asked softly. Mizuki smiled sadly, “He is in as much pain as you are my dear. From what I heard, your past wasn’t easy for him to live through either.”

“What do you mean?” Ana asked, confused. Mizuki looked at the girl, boggled by the sudden realization. Did Ana really not remember some of her past. “You will have to ask Sesshômaru about it. It is not my place to discuss such things.” With that she left Ana’s room, hoping that their talk would spur her into action.

ooOoo

Ana stood there, stunned by what Mizuki had told her, and by the stinging in her cheek. “I deserve that,” she thought, flinching when she touched her cheek. When did Sesshômaru tell her about being trapped in her body? Even if that was true, what of it? Her past wasn’t fucked up like his. That isn’t fair. She knew that it wasn’t but, but….even her brain couldn’t come up with a reason. Which meant that she was wrong and to make it worse she had hurt him. Again. Did she even deserve him? She clutched at her chest. It hurt so much to know that she kept on hurting him and to compare him to Narku… now that was a low blow. She had to apologize, she knew it but it was still too soon. Still too much to process, still too much fear. Maybe after a full nights sleep, yeah that sounded good.

Morning came too soon, especially after the nightmare she had. If she was being honest with herself it was not as bad as it could have been or should she say she had already seen worse. As she forced herself out of her futon Mayumi entered, greeting her rather formally. What was that about? Mayumi hadn’t been that formal with her for a long while now, what changed? She was about to call her out for it but refrained from doing so. Maybe everyone could sense that something was going on between her and Sesshômaru? Mayumi’s loyalties did lie with him so maybe that’s why? She could also be overacting.

“Anastasia-sama?” Hearing her name pulled her from her thoughts, “Uh, yes Mayumi?” she responded, putting on the best smile as she could. The woman paused, opening her mouth to say something before shaking her head. “Uh, never mind,” she told her instead of what she really wanted to say. What’s with all this tension? “Mayumi...” Ana really wanted to know what was going on but found she couldn’t ask for fear that Mayumi would confirm her fear, that this thing between her and Sesshômaru may have ruined their friendship somehow. Instead she asked, “ Where are Shizuka and Rin?”

“Shizuka is with lord Sesshômaru and Rin is with master Jaken doing some studies.” Her answer was clipped and swift. “Mayumi what’s-”

“Ojou-sama. Lady Mizuki requests your presence in her living quarters as soon as you are dressed,” Mayumi interrupted, placing the last layers of clothes on the futon. “Ah, okay,” Ana replied with a small smile, unsure of how else to respond to the sudden outburst. With a bow, Mayumi left leaving Ana to contemplate the woman’s sudden change in attitude. It was odd to see Mayumi act like that, or was she reading into it too much? The whole thing was a little awkward, that was for sure. With a shrug she decided to prepare herself, there were too many things to deal with and adding that little situation to her plate only made it more crowded. To make it worse Mizuki wanted to see her, wasn’t one time enough after yesterday? What could be the problem this time?

The kneeling servants opened the sliding door, bowing as she entered. The last time she was in here things didn’t end so well, why was she being summoned? She stiffened when she felt his presence. It was faint, but she knew who it was, Sesshômaru. Why was she afraid, she shouldn’t be. A large part of her knew that she still loved him and knew that she had been wrong. She couldn’t help it though, her body thought she was in danger even though her mind said she wasn’t. Nothing was said between the two; not that she had anything to say, well she did, but she just didn’t know how to say it. Mizuki’s presence filled the room after a moment, her piercing eyes showing both annoyance and disapproval. “The two of you are going to make me pull my hair out,” she said with a scowl. Ana wasn’t sure how to respond. It wasn’t like Mizuki to make a joke, especially one pertaining her looks. “Have the both of you gone mad. Why do the two of you insist on keeping up this pitiful argument?” The room was filled with a heavy silence as she continued her ramble. “You,” she pointed at Sesshômaru, “Stop licking your wounds like a child and start acting like the man you are. And you,” she turned her gaze to Ana, “I came to you yesterday. I expected immediate action.” Mizuki’s presence loomed over her like an adult speaking to a child; and that’s how she felt, like a child being scolded. “The two of you are mated for crying out loud, arguments happen.”

“What do you speak of mother?” Sesshômaru asked, perplexed. That was exactly what she was going to ask. “Are you saying that you haven’t realized the change on your body nor heard the scanty rumors?” From the corner of her eyes she could see Sesshômaru’s confusion. “Perhaps I have underestimated how much your youkai was depleted.” Mizuki handed him a mirror. “Your moon, it’s not dark blue anymore it’s blood red.” He looked at himself, eyes widening with surprise. Then Mizuki turned to her, “Strip,” she commanded. She was about to protest but bit her tongue when she saw the look in Mizuki’s eyes. With shaky hands she did as told peeling off layer by layer until she reached the last one. Just as she began loosening it Mizuki stopped her. “Oh my, this is a surprise,” Mizuki gasped, turning her face. “It is magnificent.” Her fingers grazed her neck, sending a shiver up her spine. “Take a look Sesshômaru, the mark of the Inu house,” she said proudly, nodding with a smile. It took all that she had to not flinch when his hand gently grabbed her face, turning it to look at the mark his mother had mentioned. “Now that we’ve covered that, the two of you will be heading back to your quarters and sorting this out. And for the love of god have sex, you two certainly need it,” she said with a wink. With a wave of her dainty hand she dismissed the two.

Embarrassed, and a little more than uncomfortable, the two exited her room, unsure of how to react to the news and Mizuki's out of character personality. “Come.” The command had her look up, his outstretched arm beconing for her to take it. A part of her wanted to and another part didn't. It was a mini war between the two until she gave in, reluctantly placing her hand in his. The action was rewarded with a smile, his amber eyes soft and quite pleased. Blood pooled in her cheeks at his smile, her face heating up from embarrassment. Only moments ago she was afraid! But why? Truly? Why was she trying to fool herself. She loved him and nothing could ever change that. Head bowed, she followed his lead, only looking up when a door slid open and they entered his room.

Saying the air between them was awkward was an understatement. She’d never been this nervous in her life and him being so silent wasn’t making her feel any better. “I-” they both said together, stopping when they realized they had interrupted the other. After another long moment of pause she decided to break the silence, “I’m sorry, Sesshômaru. I’m- I keep hurting you. You explained, even apologized to me and I still reacted badly.”

“Anastasia, it is this Sesshômaru who should apologize. I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you. I was afraid,’ he admitted. “I never expected that you would relive my memories. I let my pride overwrite my emotions.” He pulled her into his embrace. “I love you,” he whispered, smothering her with his love. His words left a warm feeling in her heart that she'd never felt before. It made her realise that she had missed his touch and embrace.

“Your mom told me that you lived in my body too?” She asked, pulling away from him to look in his eyes. He looked away from her, refusing to acknowledge her question. “Sesshômaru?”

“You wouldn’t remember,” he said after a moment. “What do you mean?” she asked confused. “Are you are aware of the miko presence inside you?” She nodded slowly, remembering the talk they had. “She did something to you.” He turned to her, his eyes swimming with too many emotions to count. She gave him a questioning look. What else was there that she needed to know about the miko inside her? Didn’t he tell her everything she needed to know already? “I will explain,” he said, sighing. Those emotion filled eyes burned through her. It felt as if he wanted her to understand what he experienced from just one look, but there was nothing. She didn’t know because she simply just couldn’t remember. “While I was living out your memories I became aware that your memories were sealed,” he frowned.“Wha-? What do you mean?”

“It is not something I wish to retell, but it pertains to Mr. Daniels.” Every hair on her body stood on edge when she heard that name. “It is not once he had defiled you,” he growled out, his teeth clench. “It was for years.” Her eyes widened in horror. “Wha-what?” her voice trembled. “I don’t remember-”

“That is what I’m saying, Ana.” She recalled saying something like that to her therapist, that every time she tried to remember something from her past she got a headache. Was that the reason why? “It is not necessary to remember. I would prefer that you didn’t, even one such as myself does not wish to recall such memories.” His voice trembled as he spoke, his fist clenching at his side. She had never seen Sesshômaru so bothered. “Why does the world do this to us,” she whispered softly after a moment, taking his hand into hers. “Everytime we make progress in our relationship something always happens to ruin it.” He hummed in agreement, intertwining their fingers as he did so.“Or perhaps the world wants us to cut the tangled hurt of our past so that we can rebuild a better future together.” She looked up at him, his eyes swimming with hope. “Hold me please?”’ she asked, wanting to be as close to him as possible. “I missed you so much.”

“As did I,” he responded, releasing their intertwined fingers and pulling her into his embrace once more. The heat of his body warmed her to the core, his soft touches both soothing and turning her on. “Ana?” She looked up, knowing that he smelt what was happening to her. “It seems as if my mothers command has taken root.”

“No, no it’s not like that,” she rambled, embarrassed by her body’s reaction. “Anastasia. I don’t think I’ll be able to.” He wouldn't look at her when he said that. It was as if he was ashamed. “Huh? What do you mean? I never said...wait why?” she asked confused. “After what happened last time, this Sesshômaru doesn’t want to hurt you,” he explained, gently brushing her shoulder as a reminder. She stared at him, unsure of how to react. From what she remember, he said he only did that to summon her. Gently, she grabbed his face leaning forward until their foreheads touched. “That wasn’t meant to hurt me. You just wanted to see me,” she shrugged, leaning back. “Which is odd because you could have just told me all of this before,” she added with a pout. “Ana, you said that you know of the presence inside of you. How did you know? You were unaware in the past.” Her brows furrowed, “Why you silly,” she said perplexed. “That wasn’t me Ana.” Her head jerked back in response, confusion both in her tone and on her face as she asked. “What do you mean? I thought-”

“Your thoughts are misplaced,” he interrupted. “This Sesshômaru, the one that is here with you did not call you. That was my demon half.” Seeing her confusion he continued, “Do you recall me telling you that I have a demon half and humanoid half?” She nodded slowly. “The two parts think and act differently. He is the more irrational side.”

“But I saw your beast, just like that day you transformed when I came to save you.” He shook his head,“During that time my humanoid and demon form become one. That is how I’m able to transform. The one you saw was just my demon. He is the one that summoned you.” She nodded, humming softly as she thought to herself. “Well it worked” she shrugged, “from what your mother showed us it worked.” She touched his moon, running her fingers over his mark. He shivered at her touch, gently grabbing her wrist then she tried to run her fingers behind his ear. “Ana please,” he pleaded softly, the pain in his words loud and clear. Nodding, she heeded his wishes. “Can we lie together?” He nodded, lifting her up and taking them to his futon. They laid there, simply laid there without much words, but just a few touches. She moved his hair from his face, tucking the strands behind his ear. “We will get through this, like all the other times,” she whispered to him. He nodded, pulling her close. This was what they needed, to comfort one another. As his hand made small circles on her back she found herself drifting, the weight of the past couple of days melting away with every small touch. What had she been afraid of, really?