InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ That's the Way Love Goes ❯ XIX ( Chapter 19 )

A/N: Some of you - who, I'm guessing, didn't keep up with the scanlation of the Japanese manga - don't know who Magatsuhi is so I'm going to explain a little about it in the chapter. So, if you're up-to-date, I'm sorry for the repetitiveness. WARNING! CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THE MANGA!I WRITE IT AS IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED! I DID NOT MAKE IT UP!!! If you're not up-to-date, you may not want to read this chapter! Please read End Notes for more info!!!

Also: I'm REALLY sorry about the wait, but I had major surgery on June 10th, and the recovery took a while. As soon as I was well enough to sit at my computer long enough to write, I did, but I have SO MANY PROJECTS. And my life is a bit more hectic these days, so I'm not able to just sit and write as I used to. But I promise you, the drive is still there - I'm not giving up on my stories. To make it up to you - a long chapter!

 

“Show me the meaning of being lonely.
Is this the feeling I need to walk with?
Tell me why I can't be there where you are…
There's something missing in my heart.” - Show Me The Meaning Of Being Lonely, Backstreet Boys

 

 

That's the Way Love Goes

Chapter XIX

 

 

 

 

What was he supposed to do? Kagome swore him to secrecy - she didn't want her mother and grandfather coming back to Tokyo to take care of her. But he was leaving for school in a few days. And she was barely eating, she wasn't looking after the shrine, and the house was a mess. He did what he could, but he wasn't sure how these things were done. What did you use to dust? What do you clean the toilet with? And exactly how much detergent are you supposed to use in the washer?

 

Luckily, he was able to handle the visitors at the shrine. Suki even came over often to help with certain things. Of course, the main problem was that they were down one priestess, but in the light of things, they would manage without her. They made enough money to pay the bills and stock the kitchen. But money was the least of Souta's troubles.

 

It was one thing that she had seen the room; he had known that it would be devastating if she found out. But she seemed to be blaming herself, and that was the crux of the problem. The few times he approached her on the topic, she started crying about how it had been her fault - if she had taken care of the jewel - that Magatsuhi had taken a sacrifice. Souta had no idea who or what she was talking about, but perhaps this was part of the grieving process?

 

He mentioned yoga - knowing it had helped her before - but it only made her more upset. He tried to make her take the antidepressants, but she laughed sarcastically at him, telling him that she deserved her fate. It was so unlike her, so out of character, that he was going to call their mother, which was when she cornered him and forced him to promise not to. She waved off his concerns, telling him she would be fine.

 

Of course, Kagome didn't believe this for one second. She knew she was far from fine. It was bad enough that she had seen Inuyasha's surprise - how long had she nagged him about the baby's room? - but she also felt awful that their last words were in the form of an argument. Why did she have to be so damned stubborn? Why couldn't she have just let him be? That morning, he had been anxious not to let her go in the room. He had said, `Can we just go, and you can do whatever you want later?' Obviously, he had been planning to unveil the room that day, when they came home. But they never did. And Inuyasha would never come home again.

 

This thought always set her off in a fit of sobs, which was why she spent most of her time in her room. She hated the fact that Souta would hear her, and she tried very hard not to cry loudly at night. Sometimes, though, it was too much. And she was afraid to sleep: with her slumber came haunting dreams. Sometimes, she would relive the accident, those sinister, dark words curling around her like a snake; other times, she remembered the shock when she opened Souta's door, expecting his bed and dresser, but getting a crib and pink teddy bears instead; and then there were the flashes of images that upset her most. This series of memories consisted of her previous dreams - the ones where she dreamed of a hanyou child, one with a crescent on its' head and stripes on its' wrist. It also included golden eyes and silver hair that she knew didn't belong to the one she called `husband'. And always, she would get the sensation of his youki brushing up against her, gentle and soft, calling to her.

 

Souta was glad to leave. He could barely sleep anymore; his sister's screams waking him at all hours. Of course, they had woken her, too, which was why he always raced into her room to see if she was all right. But she would always wave him away, citing another bad dream. She wouldn't tell him what she was dreaming of - whether she was too proud or too ashamed, he wasn't sure. But the time had come for him to go back to school to start his eleventh year, and he had been telling her all week that she needed to be prepared, otherwise he was going to call mom. That was enough to whip her into shape enough to start doing things around the house. She began to visit with shrine patrons, but sometimes, they would ask about her welfare, or how her husband was, or the baby… Souta would take over then, explaining to them what had happened while Kagome cried in her room. But he had warned her now that she would have to deal with it herself, and in a rush, he was off.

 

Kagome had never felt so alone in her life. She was even cat-less: when the accident happened, someone had to feed Buyo, so when they went back to Shimane, her mother and grandfather had taken the portly feline with them. The house was completely lifeless. She felt worse than ever for treating Inuyasha the way she had; she had taken him for granted. But she also knew that she hadn't been in the relationship for love - she missed him now because she missed her friend. She was grieving more for Sango, and mostly because she had become connected to the child.

 

And there were always the whispers in the back of her mind. They came from her subconscious, but also from her memory. Some of it, she'd lived. Some of it was born from her dreams. And there was always the one time that it had called to her, right before the accident.

 

“The wish was to be one of pure selflessness. If not, there will be consequences…”

 

It was as if that evil force of nature couldn't rest until something had been done with the jewel, and even then, it had waited until the opportune time to strike. And it had been her fault, because if she had done what she was supposed to - if she had wished the jewel into oblivion, as was her duty - Inuyasha would not have been able to use it, and would still be alive. After all, it was his wish that had doomed them both.

 

She remembered when they first learned of him.

 

“Magatsuhi is the spirit of the youkai trapped within the Shikon no Tama!” Miroku had yelled after Sesshoumaru cut the evil being with Tenseiga. “He's not a being of this world!”

 

It hurt, remembering that moment.

 

A few seconds later, Magatsuhi's physical body had pierced straight through the Taiyoukai, and she remembered the dread that ran through everyone. Sesshoumaru had become quite the ally, and although she hadn't loved him at the time, thinking of the way the sharp bone protruded from his chest caught her breath. Everyone had thought Inuyasha's brother had finally met his match… even the hanyou fought valiantly to get his brother back.

 

It turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to Sesshoumaru.

 

They should have known that after all the times Inuyasha had been pierced completely through, this would not take Sesshoumaru down. He overcame Magatsuhi - and his own, great father - and blasted through, coming out with a new arm… and a new sword, Bakusaiga. And what a sword it was. This new sword was able to keep eating away at the thing it cut, making it even more powerful than Tessaiga. In the end, that was Naraku's downfall. But it hadn't worked on Magatsuhi, who was not a solid being, but a collection of spirits.

 

It was from that fight that my powers were sealed by Magatsuhi. And I didn't get them back for some time, she thought. Knowing that Kagome could very well be the end of them, he locked away her spiritual powers, rendering her useless. And then that accursed spirit used Kohaku to injure Sango, almost kill Miroku, and harm Rin. All the while, Sesshoumaru thought he was hunting the actual spiritual body of Magatsuhi, which turned out only to be Byakuya, the illusionist. They were all being toyed with.

 

Of course, she herself was taken captive by Naraku as sort of an insurance policy. But one thing remained - although her powers were sealed, Kagome could see the jewel. And after informing Sango and Inuyasha of its' location, she was rendered unconscious by the evil hanyou. Even after Sango's new and improved Hiraikotsu failed, they kept at it. And it was Kohaku that came up with the solution - for Naraku wasn't going to let Kagome go, even though he promised to in return for the boy's Shikon fragment.

 

Afterwards, Rin was taken by Naraku, and a piece of Naraku's body that was overlooked and left behind took Kohaku's shard. That event completed the Sacred Jewel. Of course, the light that Kikyou had embedded in that shard before she died didn't go with it, so the jewel was completely tainted by Naraku - but this was done on purpose, because soon after, Kohaku came back to life. This time, it was real - not a borrowed life like the shard had given him. Kikyou, with her death, gave life to another. With that, the group took a break.

 

Kagome remembered graduating Middle School that weekend - she was glad to be moving on. But there was no time. She got back to her friends in the Feudal Era as soon as possible, and everyone went after the two evil forces. Even Sesshoumaru, who had learned that Rin had been abducted. They were actually counting on the Taiyoukai to take out the evil collection of spirits, hoping that it would give Kagome her powers back. But things weren't always as they seemed…

 

Naraku, more powerful than ever now that he had the power of the completed jewel, literally appeared to them in the form of a humongous, sky-blocking spider. They all entered the body of the giant arachnid, knowing that Rin was inside. Sango and Miroku on Kirara, Inuyasha and Kagome, and Sesshoumaru all went their separate ways, all trying to find the best path to the jewel itself. They were now inside Naraku, and he wouldn't be defeated easily without removing the jewel from his body. And they wouldn't dream of sacrificing Rin. Well, that's what Kagome thought, at least.

 

They learned that Magatsuhi - all the youkai trapped within the Sacred Jewel - wanted the souls of the proud fighters. But this also meant that the jewel was using Naraku. They should have paid more attention to that fact. Even Naraku had told them that Inuyasha could not easily destroy his fate with the Shikon no Tama. Now, Kagome knew this to be absolutely true.

 

Remembering the next part was hard - not because she had lived through it, but also because she had spoken of this with Sesshoumaru when they were together. He had saved her then - when Inuyasha's body and mind had been taken over by Magatsuhi and turned to his animalistic, demonic side - and kept his brother alive despite his wanting to destroy the evil spirit. When Kagome's blood broke through to the crazed hanyou, he was able to keep a hold on his human side. When the spirit tried then to take over Kagome's body, the brothers worked together to keep her safe. It ended with Dragon-scaled Tessaiga capturing Magatsuhi, and Tenseiga dissolving the spiritual body. That was when Kagome's power was released, and came back to her tenfold.

 

They had known for a while now that Kagome was supposed to be incredibly powerful - more powerful than Kikyou had ever been - but the jewel had been suppressing her power ever since she was born, the youkai within fearful of the young girl's spiritual power. But now, all of it was fully released, and Kagome finally felt whole. But that wasn't all… Inuyasha, who had still been half-way between his hanyou and demonic self was purified by her strength, allowing himself to be fully hanyou once more, such was her power. Furthermore, she dispelled Naraku's jyaki, which was hiding Rin's scent from Sesshoumaru's nose.

 

As the elder brother took off in search of the little girl, Kagome and the younger brother sought out the Sacred Jewel. Shippou and Kohaku, tired of being the only ones left out of the fight, also entered and were looking for their friends. But Naraku had one last trick up his sleeve.

 

Separated from his taijiya fiancé, Miroku woke up, half-dead and alone. His Kazaana had opened too much, and he was literally dying. But Naraku's plan was put into place: suddenly, a light appeared which Miroku took to meaning that Naraku would be where the end of that light source was. The same light appeared to Sango, who was now mourning Miroku, whom she feared had purposefully left her to die, sparing her the sight of it. When she saw the light, she immediately assumed what the monk did - Naraku was at the end of that light! Of course, she knew that killing Naraku would save her beloved's life, and this became the single most important thing to her. And the most dangerous for everyone else.

 

Following the light, Sango was presented with an image of Naraku which she presumed was the real one. But there was something else. This illusion had in its' possession the real Rin. It used Rin as a human shield, knowing that either way, it would win. If Sango murdered Rin in her attempt to `kill Naraku', the tainted blood would fuel Magatsuhi further. And possibly start a war, seeing as Sesshoumaru wouldn't take it too well. If she did not kill Rin, it was assumed that the monk would die of his curse.

 

In the mean time, Miroku had also reached a false hanyou, and was planning to swallow him whole with his Kazaana, knowing it would also end his life. Inuyasha had followed the monk's scent, and they found him, but Naraku made it impossible for Miroku to hear or see them. The houshi attempted to open his hand to suck in the Naraku that stood before him, but Inuyasha reached him just in time, holding the man's fist closed and sealing them with his beads once more.

 

Sango was ready to cut through Rin to get to Naraku, and Kohaku had arrived on the scene, but was unable to get through to his sister, whose thoughts had turned so dark that she couldn't hear or see him. In fact, she had become so tainted with hate and fear that she had loosed Hiraikotsu, and Naraku watched on in pleasure, knowing all would be over for the group as soon as Rin's blood was shed. Of course, the evil hanyou didn't take into consideration the fact that Kagome had learned a few tricks; she had focused intently and found the true location of Naraku and the jewel. She shot one of her arrows, and when it hit, the illusions of Naraku disappeared. Rin started to fall, and it was just enough that Hiraikotsu slipped harmlessly by, missing Rin by inches.

 

Rin was safe - Kohaku caught her - but the damage was done. Byakuya purposefully told her that Naraku had been an illusion, and she was going to sacrifice Rin for nothing. It darkened her even more. Kagome remembered Sango telling her in the good times later on that the despair - the knowledge that she had been willing to sacrifice a little girl's life to save Miroku - was worse than thinking she would lose her fiancée in the first place. She thought she could redeem herself by telling Sesshoumaru he could kill her when the fight was over. But it was unnecessary. Unbeknownst to Sango or Kohaku, the Taiyoukai had become more compassionate, and let it go. Of course, he didn't tell her this. When Kagome had discussed this with Sesshoumaru in their time together, she had laughed; that was so like him, letting Sango sweat.

 

With the illusions gone, Naraku damaged, and Rin safe, everyone headed towards the real Naraku. Sesshoumaru was barred from entering, but Sango, who had been harmed by the shouki that was released, was ready to die with Miroku, fueling the jewel even more. Kagome tried to get into Naraku's head, and figured out that Naraku's true wish had been to be with Kikyou. Instead of his own precious bond, the jewel had tainted him, making him attempt to destroy bonds. This was how everything had started - he tried to separate Kikyou and Inuyasha, and had succeeded. Angry with Kagome, he launched an attack and Inuyasha counter-attacked. Because he was pouring his soul into it, Tessaiga's ultimate attack - the Meidou Zanghetsuha - had transformed so that instead of a gaping hole into hell, there were spears that could cut through anything. Soon, all that was left of Naraku was a head. But the jewel was powerful, and Naraku could still regenerate using its power. Sensing something, Sesshoumaru was finally able to cut a path into the area where the others were fighting. And when he cut, the amazing Bakusaiga began to consume Naraku from the inside, allowing everyone to finally do some real damage. But Byakuya, the quiet, obedient detachment, had stolen Meidou Zanghetsuha's power with a special sword and dealt Kagome an invisible blow with it. Kagome recalled the feeling - she knew something had happened, but there was so much going on, she wanted to focus on Naraku.

 

The group continued to help each other, united by signs of hope - Miroku's hole was slowly healing in his hand, and Hiraikotsu was steadily absorbing the shouki that was being released as Naraku's body was being eaten away. But then Naraku gave himself fully to the Shikon no Tama, gaining strength once again. The gas emitted from the broken parts of Naraku's body was stronger than even, and Kohaku and Rin were ordered to leave. The gigantic spider-ball that had enveloped everyone, however, was starting to fall from the sky towards Kaede's village. Everyone got out, trying to cut away at Naraku as quickly as possible to save the village from the deadly shouki that would surely kill any villager that touched it. A deadly blow from Sesshoumaru sealed the deal… only the head remained of the evil hanyou, but the jewel remained. Finally, in a moment of pure human-ness, Naraku remembered Kagome's words to him and allowed himself to think that yes, Kikyou's heart had been the only thing he had actually wanted from the jewel, but the Shikon no Tama had not granted his wish. In this moment, Kagome was able to shoot an arrow at the jewel, hitting it. It separated the jewel from Naraku, and the time had come. With that, Naraku vanished, never to plague the world again.

 

---------

 

But the jewel could never be forgotten. It still called evil beings to it, constantly putting everyone's life in danger. Kagome always remembered her grandfather's advice. `When the last person who holds the Shikon no Tama makes the right wish, the jewel will disappear from this world.' Kagome knew now what that wish should have been: to wish the jewel out of existence. It was, in fact, a purely selfless wish. Because - if her theory was right - it would have sent her back to her own time and separated her from Inuyasha. But the jewel would have been gone, because she would be making a wish that would not benefit her, but would be good for the whole world.

 

Instead, she foolishly followed her heart and kept the jewel nearby, allowing it to call out to demons that would come after the village in search of it. She was allowed to stay with her friends, but at what price? In the end, nothing had happened between herself and Inuyasha - he had said he wanted her to graduate first - and she had fallen in love with Sesshoumaru. He had reciprocated those feelings, so she was more reluctant than ever to wish the jewel away. And then, in a blur, she had lost everything when his memory had returned with a vengeance.

 

Now that she thought about it, that despair may have brought the jewel to life. Perhaps it had called to Inuyasha, promising him a good life if he used it to become human. But that had been a selfish wish - he had known that Kagome wouldn't fully give in to him until he was human because he reminded her so much of Sesshoumaru. He had done it for himself; he had used the jewel to become closer to Kagome. And now, they paid for it. She could still hear Magatsuhi whispering to her, telling her exactly why this calamity had befallen her:

 

“The wish was to be one of pure selflessness. If not, there will be consequences…”

 

Had he wished the jewel away, he probably would have returned to the Sengoku Jidai, but they would both be alive, with only his heartbreak as a casualty. So this was all her fault. It's true, she wouldn't have had Sango, but apparently, she wasn't meant to anyways. And now Inuyasha, who had fought so valiantly against the worst evil ever known to the planet, was dead. From being struck by a truck. How stupid was that? And so Kagome wallowed in shame and pity for several weeks.

 

One day, she had a visit from someone she hadn't seen in some time. The once cancer-stricken woman was healthy as ever, bounding up the shrine steps as if she had never even suffered a cold.

 

“Kagome! There you are!”

 

Kagome was actually glad to see her, even though her face didn't show it.

 

When Kayo took a better look at the scrawny, disheveled, sad girl in front of her, she wasn't quite sure if it was, indeed, her friend. This was not the same strong girl that had cured her with her strong spiritual power. This bedraggled-looking creature looked like it had been chewed up and spit out by a dragon.

 

She took Kagome's hand, leading her to a bench. “Kagome, I'm sorry, but… you look awful.”

 

Kagome shot her a dark look. “Excuse me, Kayo. I've only just lost my husband and child. Perhaps I should make myself up next time you come over.”

 

“That's not what I meant, Kagome. And sweetheart… it's been six months. Don't you think it's time-”

 

“What?”

 

“What?” Kayo repeated, puzzled by Kagome's tone.

 

“What did you just say?”

 

Kayo worried that she had offended her friend. “I didn't mean that you should-”

 

“No, no…” Kagome interrupted again, “What did you say?”

 

“That it might be time for you to-”

 

Kagome sighed. “Before that.”

 

“That it's been six months.”

 

“It's been… six months. That means it's only been three months. Can't you be a little more…”

 

It was Kayo's turn to interrupt. “Kagome, honey… It's been six months since you got out of the hospital. Oh, you poor thing. You must be in your own little world…”

 

Kagome looked like a deer in the headlights. Except that she had already been hit by a car. “Six… months…?”

 

Kayo nodded slowly, her regenerating hair swinging softly.

 

She had no idea. How could it have been that long? She hadn't heard from her mother, but it seemed like it had only been a week since her mother's last call, in which almost nothing was said and Kagome told her mother she was `fine'. It was so repetitive; Kagome couldn't recall exactly when the last phone call was, so perhaps Kayo was telling the truth. Well, she had no reason to lie, but… Really? Six months?!

 

“Listen, Kagome. I know these things take time, but from what I've seen and heard, maybe you should… you know, talk to someone.” Kayo put a hand on her friend's shoulder as she spoke gently.

 

Well, this sounded familiar. Except… “Wait, what do you mean, `from what you've heard'?”

 

Kayo looked away quickly. “Well, it's not like everyone is purposefully looking in on you…”

 

“It's not?” Kagome snipped sarcastically.

 

“Well, Tetsu heard from Megumi that you still didn't look so good…”

 

“Megumi?” Kagome asked. She hadn't seen the girl in months. How could she have known her condition?

 

“Yeah. She visits you now and then. Well, to be accurate, she visits the shrine,” Kayo explained gently.

 

“But I haven't seen her in a long time. If she comes here, why doesn't she say `hi'?” Kagome said, feeling hurt.

 

Kayo sighed wistfully. “She told me that she doesn't presume to know how you feel. She's never lost anyone before, and she couldn't fathom what you were going through. When she thought she was going to die, she regretted not being able to get married and have children. So to hear of what happened… it was a shock. But until you seem able to talk about it, she's not going to force you to be pleasant.”

 

Kagome was shocked. For a girl that was younger than Souta, she was quite wise and thoughtful. And completely right. No one could really understand what she felt, especially since no one had any idea how many layers there was to the whole mess. She had not told a single soul about what she now called “The Curse of the Sacred Jewel”, and no one knew that she, in fact, had not truly loved Inuyasha as he deserved. This didn't mean she didn't mourn the loss of him, but not as a husband. More like the best friend she could ever have.

 

“Wow,” was all she said, and Kayo agreed with a nod.

 

Soon, Kagome found herself offering tea, something she hadn't done in a long time. She shuffled around in a daze, noticing how there were groceries around, even though she hadn't been to the market in quite some time. In fact, everything seemed fuzzy, as if she had been living in a fog. Did this mean that she didn't remember going to the market recently, or that she hadn't been eating again?

 

Later, when she took a shower and saw her reflection, she knew it was the latter. After all, there was no one here to force her to eat.

 

When Kayo left, Kagome found herself smiling. It was a meek thing, barely a lifting of the corners of her mouth, but it was real all the same. They made plans to do it again soon, and then Kagome was alone again, closing the shrine for the night. It was so different now. She had been woken from the trance by her friend's visit, but now she felt the pain sharply. She had been numb before, blocking out the horrific accident, only to think about it in her nightmares. But now it was clear, and she was forced to think about it.

 

That night, instead of dinner, she had sake.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

A few years after Kagome's birth, Katsuo invited Sesshoumaru over for the triumphant birth of their son, Souta. He went, bringing presents. He tried to avoid the stare of the little blue-eyed, ebony-haired girl that he knew would grow up to be so radiant she would rival the sun. It actually hurt to look at her, knowing that he was still so far from her.

 

Katsuo found Sesshoumaru on the steps, watching young Kagome play under Goshinboku. He patted the demon on the shoulder.

 

“You're not having unhealthy thoughts about my six year old daughter, are you?” he asked playfully.

 

But Sesshoumaru seemed truly stunned. While he did, admittedly, have private thoughts and vividly remembered their lovemaking, he never thought those things while looking at this younger version of the woman he still loved. He did, however, note how the sun still brilliantly played off her slightly wavy hair. He could feel the spiritual power within her, nowhere near the amount she would have when she was older, but much less than it should be - he assumed it was the jewel's doing. That accursed Magatsuhi. Oh, how he longed to rid her of the jewel right now… But no, that would change the future, which was the purpose of his staying away from Kagome.

 

He remembered her tanned skin, and realized that it wasn't just from being in the harsh Feudal Era, but even now, she loved the sun and being outdoors. And her fearlessness! When an older boy tried to pick on her, she did not back down. Instead, she kicked him in the shin and knocked him down. That had made him laugh - something he hadn't done in a very long time.

 

But that day had to be the last. He had told them that he didn't want to risk her remembering him, and although he would miss them, he would have to keep his distance. If she were ever away, however, he would enjoy a visit. They all embraced, said their goodbyes, and hoped for not too long a separation.

 

But fate had other plans.

 

Sesshoumaru had accepted an invitation by Katsuo to meet him in the city, away from his family. This was adequate, so the youkai drove down from his home to Tokyo. Sesshoumaru had arrived first, so he sat in a booth at the restaurant, awaiting his long-time friend's arrival. He sighed, noting that the man was late, as usual. He stood, ready to go in search of Katsuo, when he heard a loud crash and a woman screaming. Sesshoumaru rushed outside, his stomach in knots. Sure enough, the mangled form of Katsuo was lying in a pool of his own blood. The car that had hit him had stopped momentarily, the man inside looking around, wide-eyed, as if he were weighing his options. Sesshoumaru smelled gunpowder on the man, mixed with his friends' blood that tainted the air. And he could hear the others approaching, obviously looking for this same man. Apparently, he had been very bad today. Sure enough, three police cars came screeching around the corner, their sirens blaring.

 

The man in the car decided to take off, but he didn't get far. Risking everything he had, Sesshoumaru moved so quickly the criminal had no idea what happened. In a blur, he had raced to the rear of the vehicle and grabbed a hold of the bumper. The engine was no match for the Taiyoukai's might. Especially since said demon was losing his grip on reality. He was trying very hard to not let his beast take over - it wanted the blood of this man. Once the man stopped trying to drive away, he simply opened the door, attempting one last getaway. But Sesshoumaru quickly ended that. With a deadly grip on the man's neck, he allowed his claws the extravagance of lengthening. They quickly dug into the man's flesh, and the skin sizzled with the acid that came from the claws.

 

He cried out, but it was barely heard. The police were now getting out of their cars. The woman who had seen the accident was yelling at them, pointing to the car. Sesshoumaru threw the disgusting human back into the car and turned to Katsuo. He was undoubtedly dead. Never without his age-old friend, Sesshoumaru turned his gaze to Tenseiga, which was craftily hidden under a trench coat. But the healing sword would not respond. Sesshoumaru knew for a fact that it still worked, as he had saved a young boy's life a few months ago from a frozen lake he had fallen in to. Here, he expected the sword to pulse, eager to slay the little pallbearers of death. But Tenseiga lay still.

 

Angry, he ducked into an alley to remove the sword from its' sheath. Here, in the 1980's, the police would be wary of a man with a katana in an alley.

 

“Tenseiga, why do you not speak to me?”

 

The sword was dormant.

 

“There lays a man,” he said, his arm thrusting out towards the accident scene, “who needs us. Would you deny him?”

 

Silence.

 

Angrier than he had been in a long time, he threw the sword to the ground. Sesshoumaru paced for a bit, not sure what he should do. If Tenseiga refused, he could not force it. And the sword would certainly have a reason to defy him. Attempting to clear his mind, the youkai thought about the connection. He wanted so desperately to save this man. Not only was he a good friend, but he was Kagome's father.

 

And there lay the problem. He had forgotten that Katsuo was fated to perish at a young age. Kagome had spoken briefly, saying she barely remembered him. She had also said that he had died in a `car accident', but at the time, he hadn't really known what that was, or how awful and sudden it could be. And he had never dreamed that he would be right there when it happened. Or that he had the power to change it.

 

But… should he? Even if he forced Tenseiga to do his bidding, was it forbidden? Could it change everything? If Katsuo was around, would Kagome still come to the Feudal Era? And would they have defeated Naraku? Would she still have fallen in love with him, or would her love for her family have kept her in her own time? Surely, this would be meddling with time.

 

He was ashamed to give up, but Tenseiga was right. This was meant to be, and there was nothing he could do about it. With a sigh, he picked the heirloom up and tucked it back into his coat, hiding it from view. Now came the hard part - telling Katsuo's wife that her husband would never be coming home.

 

She was never the same after that. Luckily, he had never told them of Tenseiga and the powers it held, but she still seemed to blame him, as if he could have prevented the accident. She took to grieving for some time, and soon thereafter, Sesshoumaru disappeared from their lives.

 

Years later, while in his office, he heard the sound of several police and medical vehicles racing somewhere. He turned on the TV, and soon thereafter, there was a special announcement about a breaking story. It told of a man who had died pushing his pregnant wife out of the way of a truck, and how the woman was being brought to the hospital, her condition still unknown.

 

Sesshoumaru's heart literally froze in his chest.

 

He reached for her with his youki, but could not sense her. This could only mean one thing. She was very close to death.

 

He had used his clearance to once again check on her. It seemed to be very beneficial to him to be the CEO of a company that manufactured new medicines; the person in charge of trying out such drugs in this hospital had come to trust him and therefore, he was given clearance that many others didn't have. As was such, he was able to get to the surgery floor and sure enough, saw Kagome's name on the board there. And the blood… Oh, there was so much! He was shaking from head to toe, attempting to keep his beast from roaring out in pain. Obviously Kagome needed them - if she died, Tenseiga wouldn't dare defy him - but he didn't have enough clearance that he could simply walk into a surgical room.

 

Then an intern asked if he was alright, breaking his concentration. Seconds away from bursting into his furry, menacing, very large form, he ran away as quickly as was “humanly” possible. Outside, he was able to find a dark area where he hid, trying to fill his lungs with fresh air. But the damage had been done. The memory of the scent of her blood had not diminished throughout the centuries, and it brought on a wave of depression. The last time he had smelled her blood was when the demon had attacked her - right before they fell in love.

 

With a flash of movement, Sesshoumaru left his car and ran to his home, all the way in Hokkaido.

 

Later that week, he returned to fetch his car. He sought her out, half-hoping she would have gone home. Unfortunately, she was still there. He could feel her now, her bright aura now dim and black. With his superb hearing, he learned that his brother, in human form, had perished in the accident. He also learned that Kagome had lost the baby she was carrying.

 

The emotions were raging within. He had been trying to deny to himself that he was insanely jealous that she had been pregnant with his brother's child. It should have been he that had given her children. Beautiful, healthy, hanyou children…

 

He was brought up short by his own thoughts. He had toyed with the thought of having children with Kagome simply to satisfy his beast - he had to be sure he had wanted every aspect of her. But he was practically strangled by his overwhelming need now to have a family of his own, and with Kagome. And the fact that he instantly thought of them as hanyou… well, that just reassured him.

 

Along with this, however, he was also feeling extremely guilty for having such thoughts. The child - a girl, he had learned from hearing Souta speak on the phone - would have been his niece, and would still be family. This meant that he had lost two family members. He had never been overly fond of Inuyasha, but he had owed the former-hanyou some respect for surviving what he had, and anything remotely close to happiness for the child's death was squashed ruthlessly by shame. How could he think such things?! But at the same time, his long-dormant beast called out that Kagome was HIS, and should have been bearing his children. It wasn't easy to live with. And so he stayed away, hoping the feelings would fade, similar to mourning.

 

But he couldn't stay away forever…

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

Funny how things worked out. She was still having nightmares - which were not as frequent anymore, thanks to her talks with her friends - but she was having dreams of Sesshoumaru. Often enough that it made her want to cry. Why was she dreaming of him so much? She hadn't seen him in years, didn't know for sure if he existed in this era, and she had just experienced something extremely traumatic. Shouldn't she be dreaming of her dead husband? Or her child? Of course, there were the bad nights where she relived that day, but not of happy times with Inuyasha, or the child she imagined inside her. She spoke of these things with friends and family - what Sango would have looked like, with ebony hair and perhaps eyes that were a combination of her parents - bluish-grey - and so she vented in this way. But she had spoken to no one of Sesshoumaru, so perhaps this was her mind trying to unload itself of her memories?

 

Still, it was not the same. Sometimes, she dreamed of things that had never happened. One night, she dreamt that she and her youkai were walking through the trees on the shrine grounds, their hair dappled in the sunlight. Once, she dreamed that he had come home to her, bringing a present. She had been cooking dinner, and had been surprised. When she hugged him in gratitude, he swung her around the kitchen as they kissed passionately. The worst one to bear had been a steamy dream of the two of them making love in her bed, and it had been long, dragging her from her sleep with her own moans. These dreams made her angry; why did she have to dream of someone that didn't want her? Why was she thinking of someone she couldn't have? Why couldn't her dysfunctional brain just think of her dead husband and child when she was asleep?

 

It had worked before, so about eight months after she had been released from the hospital, Kagome started doing yoga regularly again. It controlled her rage, and the dreams lessened, but only the nightmares. She was frequently dreaming of Sesshoumaru, and her sessions taught her to put away the anger that stemmed from having said dreams. But she found herself drifting to them more and more. She was counting on them now, imagining that they had actually happened. She was lying to herself, and soon it was as if her husband had actually been Sesshoumaru - that it was he who had died in an accident and left her alone with her memories. This only served to depress her, and Kayo told her so.

 

“Kagome, I really think you should talk to a shrink,” the cancer-survivor told her friend.

 

Kagome frowned. “C'mon, Kayo. I think I've been doing pretty well. I'm dealing, aren't I?”

 

Kayo sighed. “You're dealing, but not in a healthy way. You're barely talking about Inuyasha or Sango anymore. You just talk about your ex. That's not healthy. You realize you're substituting, right?”

 

Kagome cringed at the criticism. Yeah, she knew she was certifiable. But she was happy when she was in la-la-land with Sesshoumaru. After all, her imagination was finally giving her the happy ending she wanted but couldn't have. “Regardless,” she said quickly, not letting the older woman finish, “I think I'm good enough that I don't need a psychiatrist. What are you trying to say, that you're not good enough to talk to?”

 

Kagome's attempt to be coy hadn't worked. Kayo narrowed her eyes on her friend. “This isn't on me, Kagome. You don't even give me details about this ex of yours - only that he was gorgeous and extremely good in bed. Not that those aren't great, but you won't talk about your actual relationship. And you won't talk about the reason you two broke up, or how you two met, or really anything! And you certainly will never answer the question of why you've transferred your grief onto your obsession with this ex whom you claim you'll never see again! I mean, come on! Is he dead, too?! You're ridiculous, Kagome. And if you won't tell me, then I'm dragging you by your pretty black hair to my old shrink. Got that?” Kayo was practically out of breath after her tirade, and panted angrily before sipping her tea.

 

Kagome was momentarily shocked. Kayo was right, of course. But she couldn't involve another person in her crazy past. Plus, it would open a whole new round of wounds, to speak of Sesshoumaru in such a real sense. At least her dreams were dreams. The fake ones were easiest to ignore, since she knew they hadn't happened. But there had to be a reason for them. And perhaps a psychiatrist could help her get to the bottom of it. Grudgingly, she agreed to be willingly dragged by her hair to Kayo's therapist.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

Kagome was scared out of her mind. She had, in fact, offered to talk to a psychiatrist. However, she had not completely thought about what she would say to this person.

 

`Say, I used to be able to travel back in time to the Feudal Era and I met a hanyou who is now my dead husband, but before we got married, I was with his brother, who was full-demon. You see, he wasn't himself when we first got together - that aristocratic bastard - and once he came to his senses, he sent me packing, and I never got over him. Of course, I wound up back in my own time with the hanyou, but he wished himself to be human so he could be with me. He did that with the Shikon no Tama - did I forget to tell you I was born with a powerful jewel inside me that contained the souls of a bunch of demons and a priestess? And that I shattered it by accident and we had to hunt the shards down to put the jewel back together before this evil hanyou used it to take over the world? Yeah, that's how my husband and I met. Well, we got pregnant, and because my husband made a selfish wish, the jewel took his life and that of our baby. I'm still kinda paranoid that I'm next, and now I'm having all sorts of dreams about my ex - the youkai. Do you think you can help?'

 

Yeah… That sounded like a one-way ticket to looney-ville. Of course, it might be nice there…

 

Well, at least she knew she wasn't crazy.

 

Later that day, as Kagome sat on the comfy black sofa, she wondered if she should have used her original explanation.

 

“So, Higurashi-san, how is your relationship with your mother?”

 

Kagome scowled at the woman opposite her. What the hell did her relationship with her mother have to do with anything? “Just fine, thanks.”

 

“Just fine?” Tanaka-san asked, a slight rise to her brow.

 

Kagome could hear the question within the question and it pissed her off. Closing her eyes, she slowly took in a lungful of air before expelling it. “Yes, it's fine. My mother is great. She always knows when something is wrong, and how to fix it. She always supported whatever I wanted to do, and kept my grandfather off my back. She's pretty much perfect.”

 

Tanaka jotted a few things down. “So, you two speak often, then?”

 

“Well, no…” Kagome admitted.

 

There was that damn eyebrow again.

 

“We used to, but not so much anymore.”

 

“When did that change?”

 

Kagome thought for a moment. Well, it really changed when she came back from the Feudal Era after Sesshoumaru had wrung out her heart. And then it got worse when Inuyasha and Sango died. “Er, well, I had this relationship, you see…”

 

“A serious relationship?”

 

“Well, yeah. I mean, he was my first and all…”

 

“Hmm. And this boy, you loved him?”

 

“Yes, I loved that man.”

 

“Did he love you?”

 

Kagome felt like crawling into the corner to die. Her bottom lip began to quiver, and her nose stung with unshed tears. But she refused to let them fall. “At first.”

 

“I see,” Tanaka said. “So this affected your relationship with your mother?”

 

Grateful for the subject change, Kagome nodded. “Only after he left me. I was depressed, and didn't want to talk about it with anyone.”

 

“And so you pushed your mother away. Why?” The woman crossed her legs, making Kagome uneasy.

 

“I didn't push her away… I just didn't want to talk about it.”

 

“Why not? You used to tell her everything. She might have been able to help you.”

 

“She couldn't help me,” Kagome rebutted, her temper starting to flare. “She had no idea what I had been through.”

 

Her patient's tone had no effect on her; Tanaka smoothly asked more questions. “You said earlier that she had lost her husband when you were young. How is it that you believe she knows nothing of the loss of a loved one?”

 

“It's different,” Kagome groused.

 

“How?”

 

“It just is.” The priestess' voice was a growl now.

 

“It cannot just `be', Kagome. There must be a reason. What is it?”

 

“I don't know,” Kagome said, attempting to deflect the question.

 

It wasn't working. Tanaka had seen all kinds of people, and she knew two things about Kagome: first, she was hiding something big. Second, it seemed like her mother was not the parent she had issues with. “Kagome, if we're going to get anywhere, you need to be open and honest.”

 

“I know!” Kagome wailed. “But you don't understand! I can't tell you everything! There are parts of my life that could only be trusted to my family. And it used to take such a toll on them!”

 

Ah. Now we were getting somewhere. “Kagome, why do you think it was a burden on them, this secret of yours?”

 

“My grandfather constantly had to make excuses for me for missing school in the beginning. Then my mother had to put up with a foolish daughter who didn't want to further her education - instead, I took over the family business, and I can't even do that right now! And now Souta. Poor Souta. I dragged him into all of it and then he wound up taking care of me. I'm the older sibling! I should be taking care of all of them!”

 

“Kagome… why do you feel the need to take care of everyone else? Why can't you let someone take care of you for once?”

 

This left Kagome flabbergasted. “I… It's just that… This is the way it should be. I should've been there. I should've been able to help them. It's just that when Sesshoumaru broke up with me, I only thought of my own misery. And then I went ahead and married his brother… Oh, gods! What did I do?”

 

Tanaka was astounded. So, her husband was the brother of her first love? Well, that was enough to do some serious damage to the female psyche. But there was more that Kagome wasn't telling her, she just knew… “Kagome, why was it so awful that you married his brother? After all, you yourself said he didn't love you any more…”

 

Kagome flinched at the words. “Because I didn't love Inuyasha. I mean, sure, I loved him. But I wasn't in love with him. I married him because if I didn't, it would have broken his heart. He loved me unconditionally, and was willing to take me even though I was broken, and had given myself to his own brother. I was the problem. I didn't deserve him…”

 

Tanaka wrote furiously on her pad, then looked at her watch and sighed. “I'm sorry, Higurashi-san. But your time is up for now. Would you like to come again this week?”

 

Despite the pain it had caused, Kagome felt… relieved. Not better, just relieved. So she arranged a twice-weekly session with Tanaka-san. The woman had even told Kagome that she would tell her insurance that the sessions were necessary, and therefore would be covered completely.

 

Feeling less burdened than she had been in a while, Kagome walked home, stopping at the market on the way. There, she picked up ingredients she hadn't bought in some time, mostly because they were fresh, and would go bad if she didn't cook them soon. But her spirit had risen, and she felt like tonight would be better.

 

But that night, the dream was worse than any. She dreamed that Sesshoumaru had stopped her marriage to Inuyasha, apologizing and insisting they marry instead. After, they made love passionately in the rain, as they had before. Actually, it was almost as if her memory was recalling that same exact evening. There was even a moment where she accidentally got the tiniest drop of Sesshoumaru's blood in her mouth, and that tingle ravaged her body. It was intoxicating, as she watched herself do it again and again, until they were whipped into a frenzy.

 

When she woke up, tears were streaming from her eyes. It wasn't fair. She should be crying over Inuyasha, not having wet dreams about her ex. Hot, sweaty, raunchy dreams, where she relived the best moments of her life and could escape…

 

Regardless, Kagome went about her day. But it bothered her that she had dreamed of that particular night. Because she had always felt like that night had made her closer to Sesshoumaru than anyone else. There was something special about them that night, as they glowed with passion under the storm clouds. They had never found out why they could feel each other so well, why it affected them both when she licked his blood; it was probably some freaky demon thing, she mused. But it continued to gnaw at her.

She mentioned it at her next therapy session.

 

“Is there some particular reason why I keep dreaming about this one night with my ex?” Instead of sitting, she was pacing around the room.

 

Tanaka-san was astonished, since Kagome hadn't let her say a word yet. Obviously, it must be bothering her, because last time, she had been quite reluctant to say anything about anything, let alone her past lover. “Does it have some sort of significance to you?”

 

Kagome thought for a moment before answering, lest she give something away that wasn't hers to give. “Well, I felt so close to him at that point. It's like… we were one. I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true.”

 

Tanaka laughed. “No, it's not cheesy. I actually know what you mean.”

 

Hardly, Kagome thought. I doubt your husband is a gorgeous Taiyoukai from five-hundred years in the past. “Oh, also, I was a little worried about him - he had gotten hurt, and I was scared.” It was an afterthought, really, but worth a shot.

 

“Now, that's interesting,” the psychiatrist said. “Did you visit him in the hospital or something?”

 

Or something. “No, it's a long story. We weren't anywhere in particular.” Just walkin' around the Feudal Era. “But he was fine, and he began to comfort me, and well…”

 

“Ah, I see,” Tanaka implied. “So then you were emotionally vulnerable at that point. This is probably why you keep dreaming of that day. You are, whether you'd like to admit it or not, quite vulnerable right now.”

 

Vulnerable? That's not the word my friends and family would use right now. Well, I probably wouldn't, either. Kagome felt like rolling her eyes. This didn't feel right. It was something else, something deeper.

 

“So, your mind is trying to comfort you. It's trying to make you feel like you did that day.”

 

“Well, it's been succeeding,” Kagome said to herself, embarrassed about how wet she had been when she woke up that same morning. Honestly! You'd think she was a horny teenager again!

 

“Kagome,” the older woman asked, a tone in her voice the young miko recognized as burning curiosity, “why does it bother you so much that you're dreaming of this particular memory? Some would kill to be able to relive such a sweet recollection…”

 

That was a good question, and Kagome wasn't sure she wanted to answer it. “I don't know…”

 

Tanaka looked at her askance. “Kagome, how are we supposed to get anywhere when you start with the `I don't know's' again?”

 

The raven-haired priestess sighed. “Yeah, yeah. I get the drift. It's just… painful…”

 

“What's painful?” the woman asked, her brow furrowed in concentration.

 

“The memory. And the fact that I'm having it. I mean, I should be dreaming of Inuyasha. I should be missing my baby girl. Not fantasizing about my ex…”

 

“Kagome,” Tanaka said in a stern voice, “I want to make this perfectly clear. It is perfectly normal for you to have these dreams. They don't mean that you don't miss your husband, and they don't mean that you've forgotten the baby you lost. It simply means that your mind is trying to escape; to get to a time when you were happy. Were you not happy with your ex?”

 

“Well, yes, but why am I not dreaming of a time when I was happy with Inuyasha? Why am I not dreaming of the day I found out the baby was a girl?”

 

“Were you truly happy with Inuyasha? You said last time that you loved him, but weren't in love with him. But were you happy?”

 

And there it was. But how could she say it? How could she dare deny him? How could she reveal her greatest weakness? She felt lower than dirt, but she had to admit it to someone, because she needed to get a handle on herself. “I…” Easier said than done. The words didn't want to come out. But then, they did. “No, I wasn't. Even though I hated him at the time, I'm still-” Kagome's hand shot up to her mouth, covering it as she gasped, her eyes growing large with shock. Tanaka regarded her curiously. Eventually, the hand came down. But the doctor remained silent, waiting for Kagome to break the ice. And soon, she did, although it was obvious she was lying. “What I meant was, `I was still in love with my ex'.”

 

Tanaka watched her for a few moments, and then spoke slowly, as if speaking to a child. “Kagome, listen to me. Your main problem is that you're lying to yourself. I don't even know this ex's name, and you're still being super-secretive.” She pinched the bridge of her nose with her thumb and forefinger, exhaling loudly. Then she looked up into her clients' big blue eyes. “Kagome, your homework until our next meeting is for you to figure out exactly why you're lying to yourself. Next time I see you, I want an explanation. When you have it, we can move on.”

 

With a sigh, Kagome left the office. She was eager to get home, grateful for once that the house was empty.

 

~~~~~%~~@

 

Something had happened, he just knew it.

 

For the past four days, he had been restless, pacing the wooden floors of his Northern home. Recently, he had bought a house in Tokyo, so that he could be close to work - or so he told himself. But he had needed to get away, so he retreated to the cooler airs of Sapporo. The problem was that a few days ago in the early morning as he lay awake in bed, he suddenly started to tingle. The tingle reminded him instantly of the time he had made love to Kagome in the rain. She had licked up some of his blood, and it had a very interesting effect on both of them.

 

Now, panting heavily in his bed he shivered, remembering the intimate moment. His blood raced through his veins, fueled by his thumping heart. The tingle became stronger, like a jolt of electricity, and suddenly, Sesshoumaru had liquid lightning for blood. He began to take matters into his own hands, the memory of their soulful joining fresh in his mind, but it wasn't the same. His mind was fooled, but his body was not. And neither was his beast, which was suddenly very restless. It whined inside the Taiyoukai, begging to search for the only one who could satisfy its' needs.

 

A firecracker went off in his head, and Sesshoumaru understood.

 

Something was happening with Kagome. That day, in the rain, they became linked in more than one way. She must be thinking of him. Or dreaming.

 

Well, then. Perhaps it was finally time to come face-to-face with his little miko.

 

------------------------END CHAPTER-----------------------

 

End Notes: My last battle with Naraku is exactly as Rumiko Takahashi designed it, although to compress it and for time's sake, a few minor things were left out. HOWEVER! Where I put in the break is where I had to break off to go into this story, because in the end, Kagome DOES wish on the jewel (she tells it to `disappear forever') and she disappears for three years (and the well refuses to work), long enough for her to finish High School and become 18 (convenient, eh?). At that point, she comes back, and she and Inuyasha get married, and we assume she's stuck in the Feudal Era forever. Sango and Miroku have been married, and just had their third child (as I described in earlier chapters), and Shippou goes to fox-demon school. Rin stays with Kaede to try out village life, and Sesshoumaru brings her stuff like a good daddy. And don't kill me for the cliffy!