InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Bliss of Nights Forgotten ❯ Rain and Tears ( Chapter 8 )

By: EvilNekoEatsYourSoul

Last time: `Six days' Kagome thought. `Six more days and Inuyasha and the others should be here. All I have to do is stay away from him for six days and when my friends get here it'll be easier, they'll be here to distract me and I'll have Shippou to look after along with Rin's lessons. Only six more days…'

She knew she was kidding herself. Only six days? Hah, she was pretty sure those six days would seem like six years. When she was avoiding the person she loved the days dragged on forever depressing and long. By the time the six days were over she'd probably feel like she was sixty years old. She tried to hold the tears in, setting herself up for the longest six days of her life.

Chapter 8: Rain and Tears

~Kagome~

It was deathly quiet as the two platinum haired demons faced each other, swords drawn and ready in their claws. The rain fell in a thick curtain of heavy drops which soaked them in a matter of seconds; neither seemed to notice. The only thing each pair of golden eyes saw was that of their enemy. It seemed only she was aware of the lightning in the distance and the distinct feeling of death surrounding them, or perhaps having come close to death once I am better able to understand the heaviness that has settled in my heart.

Time seems to stop for an eternity as the brothers stare each other down, then it starts to move too quickly and I can barely see what is happening. They charge at each other; swords drawn before them. Before I can blink it's over, a blinding flash engulfing the elder brother, the man I love. It's impossible, he can't die, I need him. I cling to the fanged sword in my hand, the Tenseiga. He's dead, he has to be, the only way he could have survived the kaze no kisu is if the sword I now hold in my hands was at his side. There are so many ifs now. . . if he had not given me the sword for fear of me getting hurt, if I had not drawn the Tetsusaiga for Inuyasha to weild. . . If I had not gone after Inuyasha. . . too many ifs. This is my fault, and now I must live with this guilt and loneliness. Sesshoumaru would have had the advantage if not for the power of Tetsusaiga. But now. . . tears start to flow and it is too much to bear. I can do nothing but sob into the night, screaming my grief and letting the tears and rain mix on my cheeks.

~*~

"Sesshou. . . No! I'm sorry. . . it's all my fault. . . I. . . I. . ." she screamed and writhed in her bed. Her voice was filled with anguish and the smell of her salty tears filled the air.

Kagome struggled in the youkai's arms, the dream fading as he held her. The tears staining her cheeks proof of her love for him. Her hands grasped at his sleeves and her face was pressed firmly against his chest. Not knowing what to do, Sesshoumaru just held her, willing her to calm down.

"It's alright," he whispered, "it was just a dream." Her lips sought his and the kiss had a hint of desperation in it that conveyed her feeling of helplessness.

She whimpered, her words muffled and jittery "promise me. . . promise me you'll never leave me. I. . . I was so afraid that I would never see you again and I never told you the truth." Her tears returned in full force, making him wonder what had been so terrible in her dream.

He was taken aback by her needy words. She would never say something like that under normal circumstances. Usually she was an independent person who never showed such weakness. That dream must have really shaken her to make her ask such a thing.

"I can't. It would be foolish of me to make such a promise, eventually I will need to leave your side and you probably-" before he could finish she pushed him away, getting out of the bed and walking to the balcony.

"You're right. It's silly of me to ask that of you. My stupid dream just frightened me. I'm fine now." Her voice was neutral, meant to make him think she was okay. He knew better than to believe her. Sesshoumaru approached her, putting his hand on her shoulder to draw her closer. A shiver passed through her before she took a step away from him.

"Leave me alone." She didn't sense any movement behind her and figured he was thinking. It wasn't necessary all he needed to know was that she wanted him gone. "Get out." Kagome heard the door close and stood out on the balcony until the sun rose and a light rain began to fall.

~Kagome~

I almost gave into him again. I could have easily fallen into him again to be consumed by these emotions. If it weren't for his cool, practical answer I would have let my feelings ruin it all. Every moment I spend here it becomes more and more difficult to resist. The first day hasn't even fully begun and my resolve has already weakened.

But what possessed me to ask him to make such a stupid childish promise? Is it just the dream? No, it's not just the dream although it did prompt the question. It's because I don't have a plan; I'm just doing whatever feels right for the moment, like an actor with no script or a prophet without visions. I'm lost, stuck with no-where to go. What is the point of this, to push him away until he despises me? To keep him away until Inuyasha comes and I can explain it all? I could lose him forever, am I willing to do that again? Too many question and I can't think in this place. Not when he's so close.

I need to get out of here for a while. Maybe I'll just leave for the six days. That would be best I think; to distance myself from Sesshoumaru, get him out of my mind and give me time to think of a plan. Now all I have to do is find a way out without him tracking me. Easier said then done Kagome. . .

~*~

Sesshoumaru stalked through the halls of his castle avoiding contact with anyone. He needed time to think. For once he didn't understand what was happening, it was annoying to say the least. The miko, Kagome, she was creating all this confusion. One second she was clinging to him and the next she was shoving him away. Normally he would have killed anyone who dared to touch him unbidden, but he cared about her. . . loved her.

`At least she seems just as confused as I am' he thought. Glancing out a window as he passed he noticed the rain. That was never a good sign. Rain always bothered him, not because he didn't like getting wet (such things didn't effect him much) but mostly because it clouded his sense of smell. He couldn't patrol his borders properly if it rained, which meant he wouldn't have an excuse to leave the premises until the rain cleared. He continued his walk through the dimly lit halls, clearing all thoughts not involving a certain raven-haired miko from his mind.

~*~

`How sad' Kagome thought, watching the light drizzle from her balcony, `The number of tears I've cried is probably higher then the number of rain drops.'

The rain didn't help her mood any. It would greatly hinder her escape. She'd have a difficult time staying dry and warm and it would definitely slow her down. Nothing good would come of this rain that was for sure. `Unless. . .' a thought suddenly struck her, `of course! The rain, it'll hide my scent. He won't be able to find me if his sense of smell isn't working.' Her mind started to race thinking of all the possibilities the rain offered. Even if it only lasted for one day it would be difficult for him to pick up her scent once the rain washed it away. It would buy her a few days at least.

Quickly, she snuck through the castle to gather supplies, an extra pair of clothes, some food, a bow and arrow and a flask of water. She did her best to avoid the servants, and the few she saw paid her little heed. `Now to find a way out without him noticing. . .'

Kagome decided the best route to take would be through a small kitchen exit which led out to the garden. As she was busy sneaking into the kitchen without being seen she ran into something, or rather, someone.

"Kagome's up!" Rin squealed, causing Kagome to flinch at the volume. She had been caught before she had even left the castle.

"Can Kagome play with Rin now? Sesshoumaru-sama said he was too busy to play with Rin, but all he does is walk around the castle looking grumpy and Jaken won't take Rin to get flowers unless Sesshoumaru-sama makes him…"The girl chattered on as Kagome took in the information.

`Hmmm. . . if Sesshoumaru is walking around the castle, he's probably too busy to notice my leaving. . . Now all I have to do is get rid of Rin. . .'

". . .and Jaken told Rin she was a pesky brat and that the flowers were ugly, does Kagome think Rin's flowers are ugly?"

"No, Rin I think your flowers are beautiful. . . Hey I've got an idea Rin, why don't you find Sesshoumaru-sama and ask him if he likes your flowers and then you can tell him to take you to pick some more."

The little girl cheered and ran off to find her Sesshoumaru-sama while Kagome took the opportunity to leave the oppressive castle and wander into the garden.

The rain not only hid her scent but it also assured that no one would see her leave, since the garden at courtyard were empty. It was easy for her to slip through the gates and into the surrounding forest, and for the first time in weeks she felt free.

~*~

`Damn that insolent girl!' Sesshoumaru cursed her in his head as he flew through the forest. It had been a full day since she had disappeared and the rain was still pouring, disrupting his sense of smell. Also making it nearly impossible for him to find her without his superior youkai senses.

Though even as he swore and cursed to himself, he knew the real problem was this aching feeling in his chest and the knot of worry which had developed in his stomach. `Doesn't she realize how dangerous it is?'

`Of course she did, she had come seriously close to death twice already, and yet she still knowingly puts her life in danger. She doesn't have a naturally self-destructive nature, for some reason she is trying to get away from me. . . Trying to deny what shows in her eyes when she looks at me. I've had enough of these games, she will tell me. . . as soon as I find her.' Nodding in agreement with himself, he continued the search for his miko.

~Kagome~

Cold. It's so cold and this rain. . . it won't stop. Twice already I've escaped death, and yet it seems to have come back for me again. Stealing the warmth from my body to leave my soaking husk of a body empty of a soul. All I can think is `was it worth it?' I don't know, what did this accomplish? I don't know. . . I don't know anything. It is my destiny, I think, to hurt those I love and to be hurt by them in return. Perhaps this is a message from the heavens. I was not meant to live life like that. Inuyasha. . . Sesshoumaru. . . I love them both.

Oh, Inuyasha if you could have seen past my resemblance to Kikyou and the knowledge of our shared soul. . . perhaps then you would have loved me? That would have been truly wonderful and it would have prevented all this nonsense. I would never have fallen in love with Sesshoumaru, your brother. But it seems like I've been finding ways to blame everything on you lately. Inuyasha… I'm sorry, my dear friend. I don't know anything anymore. And to my cold hearted love? I suppose I should apologize to you as well. . . hmmm the rain always did make me gloomy.

Twice, I have eluded death twice in such a short amount of time and now I feel like I will die of this rain. Of all the things to bring about my end it will be this damn rain, which I saw as my savior two short days ago. How ironic. . .

~*~

"Wake up, you have to get up or-" the voice was interrupted by a fit of coughs. Slowly, Kagome opened her eyes to see who had spoken. It was a girl, thin and pale with black hair tied in a neat bun on her head. She seemed to be about the same age as Kagome. The girl continued to cough, her shoulders shaking with the force of it.

The young miko tried to sit up, to see if she could aid her pale savior, but found she was too weak. `Another fever,' she thought, while reaching out a hand to touch the girl's wrist. The coughing stopped and a pair of ice blue eyes bore into her, as if reading her soul. But in the next instant, the eyes changed, taking on a normal brown hue.

`There's something strange about this girl. . .' Before she could try and place it the other girl spoke.

"How are you feeling? You've been asleep almost an entire day since I found you."

"I'm fine, thank you for bringing me. . ." for the first time, Kagome noticed her surroundings, she was in a cave which would explain why her back was aching; the soft plush beds of Sesshoumaru's castle didn't exactly prepare a person for sleeping on rough stone.

The girl looked away, as if troubled. "It was no problem, really. . ." She began to cough again, and Kagome was becoming worried through the haziness of her fever.

`She doesn't seem well enough to have dragged me here by herself, but I don't see anyone else around. . .'

Just as her savior was saying, "You should rest some more" Kagome started to fall back asleep.

~*~

She was sitting in that giant bed of his. Her back was facing him as he sat quietly resting his back against the pillows. Her face was still flushed from the intimate encounter that had ended a few minutes ago. She remembered how at the time, her heart seemed to sing in joy. How happiness filled her being that night, lying in his arms and being able to please him. But he would ruin it, he always did. As with everything, he knew the best way to accomplish this.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, his voice sharp and sounding only half interested.

"I'm thinking that I'm happier now then I've ever been. I'm thinking that I. . . I love you." She frowned, knowing she should not have revealed such an intimate fact about her feelings.

"It can't last though," gloomy as ever, he continued when she didn't respond. "you are human, you will grow old and die. I, on the other hand, will live forever. You cannot truly become my mate, I need a full blooded heir to take after me should I ever fall."

The words stung, struck her to the very core. But she ignored them, he couldn't be telling the truth. When she turned to look at him he avoided her stare, his face turned away as if he were ashamed of himself. It wasn't true, he wouldn't look so pained about having said it if it were true. He did care about her. . . he had to. That was all there was to it. In her heart she knew he was lying, but the words still hurt. Nothing would take that away.

~*~

Warmth surrounded her, driving the cold away and making her limbs feel alive again. Distantly, she heard a whimper, but it was forgotten in the familiar scent surrounding her. She smiled in her state of half sleep, burying her head further into the source of the surrounding warmth. She let the refreshing scent comfort her, until she realized exactly whose scent it was.

"Sesshoumaru?" she winced as the name escaped her lips, and nearly screamed when she opened her eyes. Sure enough, it was Sesshoumaru carrying her. Suddenly remembering the girl who had helped her, she let her eyes scan the cave, finding the girl huddling in the corner and whimpering.

"What did you do to her?" she said, feeling a bit indignant at being carried and unable to control the outburst.

"Nothing, the girl is fine."

Apparently feeling more comfortable now that Kagome was awake and seemed to be in control of the demon, the girl stood. Proving that she was not in any way harmed, just frightened.

"Sesshoumaru, put me down." Kagome said, looking up at the youkai.

"You have a fever, again " he said, emphasizing the last word.

"I'm fine." He glared at her, ending the argument with the angry look in his eyes.

The miko snorted, giving into that particular argument and taking up a new one.

"She's coming with us." She said, nodding towards the pale shivering girl.

Surprisingly, Sesshoumaru didn't argue, he just nodded his head and walked out. Not waiting to see whether or not he was followed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~