InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Closet ❯ Chapter One: The Theory ( Chapter 1 )

The Closet

Disclaimer: We, by "we" I mean me, my Shoulder Angel and My Shoulder Devil, here at My Brain apologize for the jokes about homosexuals/homosexuality and ask the Sessoumaru fans to forgive us but to also seriously consider Shippo's point!

*Inu-Yasha, Kagome, Sango, Miroku, Shippo and Kirara enter WacDonalds and sit down at a corner booth.*

Kagome: So what do you guys want to eat?

Sango: I want what we had last time! It was delicious!

Inu-Yasha: As long as it comes with those sticks…

Kagome: They're called fries, Inu-Yasha.

Inu-Yasha: Whatever…

*Kagome orders the same thing she ordered the last seven times. The food arrives and Kagome hands it out.*

Kagome: Here are your fries, Inu-Yasha. Here, Miroku, your Happy Meal. Your milkshake, Sango. Here's your Cheeseburger Happy Meal, Shippo. And for Kirara, milk. Oh and fries.

Inu-Yasha: It's about damn time.

Kagome: I only ordered it 5 minutes ago… whiner.

Inu-Yasha: WHAT?! *Inu-Yasha jumps up on the table, drawing the attention of everyone in the restaurant.*

Kagome: Inu-Yasha! Sit down! *Inu-Yasha's face connects with the table* Oops! I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-

Inu-Yasha: Dammit! Will you stop doing that?!

Kagome: Well, if you didn't get angry over everything I wouldn't have to!

Inu-Yasha: *Grumbling* Wench…

Kagome: *Rolls her eyes and ignores Inu-Yasha. Kagome looks at the door to take her mind off Inu-Yasha* Oh crap! *Kagome ducks under the table and blushes profusely.*

Sango: Kagome, what is it?

Kagome: Shh! The guy who just walked in! Hojo! He and I- we used to- well, date…

Sango: *With a blank expression* Date?

Kagome: Um, it's when… two people… hang out together. Because they're in a relationship…

Sango: So you and that boy are in a relationship?

Kagome: Well, no not really. I mean he thinks we are but… My friends from school want us to be… They say I shouldn't love a jerk like Inu-Yasha…

Sango: Um… Inu-Yasha… can hear you…

Kagome: *Blushes even harder and turns to look at Inu-Yasha.* I- um… Oh crap…

Inu-Yasha: *Torn between pure happiness and offence.* Whaddya mean jerk?! And, you love me? Really?

Kagome: Well, they said you were a jerk, not me. Although, you have to admit, sometimes you can be a big jerk!

Inu-Yasha: *Still torn* But- HEY! I'm not a jerk!

Miroku: Actually, Inu-Yasha, you are rather rude.

Inu-Yasha: Hey! This doesn't involve you so shut up!

*All but Kirara and Inu-Yasha roll their eyes, though Kirara would if she knew how.*

Inu-Yasha: Now what were you saying about you loving me?

Kagome: *More blushing… That's one red face…* Um, well, I guess- I mean I- well, I think I-

Inu-Yasha: Hurry up already!

Kagome: Dammit, Inu-Yasha! I love you, alright?! But do you HAVE to be so rude?!

Sango and Miroku: It's about damn time! (I love that line! It's so versatile!!)

Inu-Yasha: I love you, too. Now, to kill Hojo… *Inu-Yasha gets up and prepares to draw the Tetsusaiga when he feels a sudden, familiar pull from around his neck* Aw, dammit…

Kagome: Inu-Yasha! You're not allowed to kill Hojo or anyone unless they're evil!

Inu-Yasha: So can I kill Koga?

Kagome: NO!

Inu-Yasha: You DO like him! I knew it!!

*Everyone ignores Inu-Yasha's insane ramblings until he slaps himself for no apparent reason.*

Kagome: Um, Inu-Yasha…

Inu-Yasha: What is it now, Myoga?

Myoga: Inu-Yasha, it's your brother! He's sworn revenge on you and is searching for you to kill you!

Inu-Yasha: So? He's always trying to kill me…

Kagome: Ya, what's different about this time?

Myoga: Well, he claims he's going to make you pay for destroying his favourite breastplate…

*All but Myoga and Kirara burst out laughing. Myoga because he doesn't get it and Kirara because she's too busy eating all of Inu-Yasha's fries.*

Shippo: That is so gay!! What a flamer!!

Kagome: SHIPPO! Watch your language! I can't believe you just said that!

Shippo: But it's true! No guy that flips his hair, wears fur, carries a whip and has a `favourite breastplate' could possibly be straight!

Inu-Yasha: Well, that would explain a lot… He always did keep a lot of breastplates in his closet… Then we'd fight because I looked through his closet… It's funny, though, he always seemed to be in his closet… Then one day he came out of the closet… He had something called a `coming out' party. Mom wouldn't explain it to me. She said I was too young…

*All present burst out laughing except for Myoga and Kirara for the aforementioned reasons… Kagome goes rigid and looks under the table. Straightening up she slaps Miroku hard upside his head.*

Sango: Hey! What was that for!

Miroku: My sense of direction must be impaired…

*All look angrily at Miroku.*

Inu-Yasha: *Mutters* Lech…

*A waitress walks by and Miroku gets up, following her. He grabs her hands and asks the question everyone knows the answer to.*

Miroku: Will you bear my children?

*The waitress slaps Miroku and he returns to his seat, stealing some of Inu-Yasha's fries.*

Inu-Yasha: Will you stop that?!! STOP stealing my sticks!!

*Yuka walks in and Miroku stands, preparing to leave the booth and approach the girl. Sango grabs his hand and places it firmly on her backside.*

Miroku: God I love you, Sango!!

Sango: I love you, too, now sit still.

*Yuka sees Kagome and heads toward the table.*

Yuka: Hey, Kagome!

Kagome: Oh crap…

Yuka: What?

Kagome: *Under her breath* Crap, crap, crap! *Out loud* Hi, Yuka. What's up?

Yuka: Nothing much. Who are your friends?

Kagome: *Thinking* Oh crap!! *Out loud* Um, this is Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara and Inu-Yasha…

Yuka: *Looks at each one in turn. Looks at Shippo like he's crazy then turns to Kirara.* Nice… cat… thing.

Sango: *Frostily* Cat. And thank you.

Yuka: *Looking at Inu-Yasha in surprise.* You're Inu-Yasha? I would've thought you were incredibly hot from the way Kagome talks about you… You're such a jerk! And Kagome doesn't even realize that! *Turns to Kagome.* You dumped Hojo for THAT?!

*Inu-Yasha tries to draw the Tetsusaiga but Miroku and Sango manage to restrain him. Yuka is oblivious to the fact that she now has a crazy yet hotafuffy hanyou out to kill her.*

Kagome: Hey! Just because Inu-Yasha is sometimes rude and mean he can be really nice sometimes! Don't talk about him like that! I love him!

*Don't look so shocked, she already said it!!*

Yuka: Well, whatever. Bye.

*Unabashed, Yuka makes her way to an empty table and sits down.*

Inu-Yasha: You can let go of me now!

Sango: Oh, sorry, Inu-Yasha.

Miroku: Yes, sorry.

Inu-Yasha: So you really do love me?

Kagome: For the love of all things marshmallowy, except smores because they have such a stupid name, YES, I love you!

*Inu-Yasha moves closer to Kagome and snuggles her. Kagome snuggles back and they sit contentedly together. Following suit, Sango and Miroku also snuggle.*

Kagome: *Reluctantly* I hate to say it but I think that we should get going…

Sango: Perhaps you're right. We still have to get the Jewel Shards back from Naraku… And kick Sessoumaru's butt!

Miroku: I agree; we should depart.

Inu-Yasha: *Indignantly - partly because of loss of snuggles and partly because of loss of fries* I want sticks!! I didn't get any because you guys ate them all! And a Diet Peps!

Kagome: That's Pepsi. Okay, you can have some more fries and a Diet Pepsi.

*Kagome orders Inu-Yasha's meal and hands it to him as it arrives.*

Inu-Yasha: *Looking at the straw.* How do I use this thing?

*Sango leans over and whispers into Inu-Yasha's ear. Inu-Yasha pushes the straw into the hole in the drink's lid and the other end up his nose. He follows Sango's advice and discovers that pop does burn the sinuses.*

Inu-Yasha: *Holding his nose.* OW!! OWOWOWOWOW!!!!

Kagome: *Trying to suppress her laughter.* Here - Inu-Yasha! Hahaha!! *Takes the straw and shows Inu-Yasha how to use it.*

*Inu-Yasha glares at Sango as he sips his Diet Pepsi from his NEW straw. His rage soon turns on Shippo as he steals more fries. Inu-Yasha chases Shippo angrily through the restaurant. After much commotion and angry managers, Inu-Yasha's meal is finished (though not exactly by Inu-Yasha ;P).*

Kagome: *Looks at her watch.* Wow, it's late. Why don't you guys stay at my house tonight? Sango, you can stay in my room and Inu-Yasha, you, Shippo and Miroku can stay in Sota's room. Sango, want to watch Pirates of the Caribbean again?

Sango: *Drools.* Johnny Depp!!

Kagome: *Drools.* Orlando Bloom!!

*Inu-Yasha and Miroku look rather annoyed with the female contingent as they exit WacDonalds*

Myoga: *Wakes up.* Hey, where'd everyone go?! INU-YASHA?!

Credits:

~This whacko fanfic brought to you by Kagome, The Little Ally of Justice in association with Sango a.k.a. Aeryn the Demon Productions. *Sango screams: JOHNNY DEPP!!! Kagome screams: ORLANDO BLOOM!! Miroku and Inu-Yasha groan…*

~Also, I don't know when Myoga went to sleep! He's not important!!

~The second `sticks' used to be `fries' but thanks to Franks for telling me 2 change it! ("I must stop this Christmas from coming, but how? I mean, in- what way? I'M SPEAKING IN RHY-HI-HI-HIME!!!" -Jim Carrey as the Grinch in The Grinch!!)