InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The curse of the dragon ❯ Amber Versus Gray ( Chapter 63 )

~<>~ Curse of the dragon ~<>~

 

~<>~ Chapter 63 ~<>~ Amber versus Gray

 

 

-Angst ahoy.

 

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The day was not boding well, and it was only the middle of second period for Kagome. She had woken up with the worst kink in her neck, been subjected to a cold water shower because she was the last one to get out of bed…or off the couch for that matter, and practically forced herself out the door to make it to school on time. That subject alone had sparked a long and dark argument between her and InuYasha with an interlude of Sesshoumaru versus Rin. The ladies had felt obligated to go to school; they had missed so much school already that sleep deprivation was hardly a good reason to not go. The boys had other plans. Being that they had no one to answer to about their grades besides for an estranged uncle, neither Sesshoumaru nor InuYasha saw the growing concern for attending classes when exhausted. Sleep was a luxury that they felt was necessary, therefore their exhaustion wavered the need to go to school. Of course, for the ability to say that they hadn't slept well would mean that they would have had to go to sleep at some point, which they hadn't. The thin circles that lined under InuYasha's eyes was enough of a sign to Kagome that her lover hadn't slept after she had gotten up to be with Rin. He had simply handed her a toasted bagel when she came downstairs livid about the shower and hushed her with a rather annoyed peck to the lips. He then tried to usher her up to the room and threw a tempter-tantrum when she said she had wished to go to class. Kagome rolled her eyes and sighed deeply.

 

“No way, wench. You'll sleep through class and get fucking detention. Just bullshit a reason to stay home and we'll go tomorrow. Besides…” he arched his eyebrows and tilted his head to the steps, “I'm…tired…also.” Kagome was sure that Sesshoumaru nearly ripped the hanyou's head off on purpose at the utterance of InuYasha's stupidity. Sesshoumaru had walked by the two, growled, and grabbed InuYasha by his low hanging ponytail and dragged him from the house.

 

Of course that meant that InuYasha must have forgotten Ryen's promise of death if they hadn't attended. She had kept her mouth shut about that, not wishing to hear another rant about how Ryen needed “to learn his place” in their lives or “stop fucking interrupting with his philosophical bullshit”. Kagome stifled a yawn and took a sparing glance towards Rin who trudged along next to her.

 

Rin was more then beat tired. Her sleep had been restless and she knew of two incidents when she had woken up in a cold sweat and on the verge of letting loose a bloodcurdling scream. Though they hadn't said anything, each time Rin sat up on the couch in tears, she knew Kagome woke up as well. She placed a hand over her mouth as they came to a halt by the far side of the gyms indoor track. Rin closed her eyes for a moment and tried her best not to fall over as she slid down to sit Indian style on the floor. As if not sleeping was bad enough, the medication she was being forced to take played a heavy toll on her as well. She had slept through English and if she continued sitting down for another moment, she knew she would fall into a restless sleep. Turning eyes towards Sango who was stretching against the railing, she murmured, “Why are you so fucking awake?”

 

Sango turned chocolate eyes towards her irritated friend. She knew that something had happened that Rin and Kagome were reluctant to tell her about. She hadn't wished to pry and instead turned her attention towards Miroku during English. To say that she felt like she was walking on thin ice with the girls at this moment was a real understatement. She let her leg fall to the ground before wearily sitting in front of the two girls. “I slept last night. I slept pretty well for the first time in a while, actually.” She gave Kagome a warm smile. “For the first time in a long time Kohaku spent time with Souta, like they used to when they were younger. Souta just kind of showed up at the house and literally pulled Kohaku away from his video games.” She blushed slightly and rolled her eyes when Rin finished her unvoiced actions.

 

“So that left you alone with the pervert, that's great. I'm sure you two used the time…wisely, shall we say?” Rin rolled her eyes and downcast them to the floor. “I'm sure that was great.” She couldn't help the bitter sting of her words and grimaced after they left her mouth. She was happy her friends were happy and in love. `When did I turn into such a cynic?'

 

Both Kagome and Sango shifted uncomfortably and shot each other a warning glance. They both knew Rin was always moody when she was tired and to say that she was in a good temperament today was a blatant lie. Sango shrugged slowly and chose to stand up to the girl's obvious stab at Miroku's honor and their…activities. Though she wasn't far from the truth, Sango silently admitted, she didn't have to make it sound so…scandalous. “It was, actually. Miroku and me just kind of lounged around watching movies. It was a nice break from the screaming matches me and Kohaku have been having.”

 

Rin bit her tongue from snapping anything back to her friend. She knew she was moody and she knew she could be an A class bitch when she was just that. With a deep sigh, she looked towards the steps. She gasped then yawned, bringing a hand to her mouth while her eyes shifted to Kagome. “Kag…we have…playoffs…gottta…go…”

 

Kagome stared at Rin as if she had grown two heads and leaned closer, “Run that by me again in Japanese please.”

 

Rin nearly growled as she yawed again. Only after she was done did she speak, “we have playoffs on Friday. You know that unstoppable demon you unleashed on the football team that they call the quarterback? Yeah, he got them into playoffs.”

 

Kagome's eyebrows shot up in disbelief, “InuYasha got them into playoffs?”

 

Rin sneered, “Ain't that what I just said?”

 

Kagome stopped herself from snapping back as quick as Rin did. Instead, she chose to be happy for her mate. “Good…bout time he helped out the school. But he only played in like, what, two games?”

 

Rin shrugged, “don't matter…they are going and the games Friday. That means we got to get the girls together to get a cheer ready.”

 

Kagome blanched and put a hand to her forehead, “with that time? Play practice starts today!”

 

Rin shrugged and stood with a great deal of effort as their teacher approached their hidden location…the place they sat when they should have been walking the track like they were ordered to. “Well…we got to get the girls together and do something. I think if you teach them that dance you were working on they'll be fine.” Noticing Kagome's blank stare Rin droned, “you know, the one to a collaboration of Fly and Inspire by Ayumi Hamasaki?”

 

Kagome stood with Sango's help and followed the two girls out from the corner and began walking the track again. “Maybe…I still haven't come close to finishing those dances yet though. Shit!” she felt her cheeks flush when her companions tried to sneak a glance at the girl who used to never curse. Kagome blinked away the stares and shoved her hands into her sweat pants pockets. `I know what their thinking…they are thinking of how InuYasha has changed me. They are always thinking that! Maybe it's true…maybe he has freed me some. But I'm happy, and they know that is what counts. I just wish they wouldn't give me those looks.' She sighed and tilted her head back to look towards the ceiling in contemplation. “Where are the playoffs?”

 

Rin paused from walking and leaded against the banister of the track. She raised her eyebrows and shrugged, “not sure, Kyoto maybe. It might be an overnight.”

 

Sango laughed timidly and shook her head, “that's great; an overnight with the football team? Sounds like Kikyo's wet dream.”

 

Kagome put a hand to her mouth to keep from laughing. “Yeah well…”

 

Rin groaned and shook her head slowly, “I really don't want to go… those things are nothing but trouble. There is always drinking parties, then we have the drunken assholes wandering the halls of hotels and we all know that leads to more trouble. Not for me, no thanks!”

 

Sango shrugged, “so don't go. Easy as that.”

 

Kagome looked down to the miniature `football field' that Floydd had created for the boys to practice during gym on. InuYasha was hardly on top of his game and had chosen to be a wide receiver for the time being, using his free time to take down other players. It reminded Kagome of watching Souta play `crazy taxi' on his game systems…InuYasha simply barreled into anything that moved. Miroku had been out in the first five minutes. Kagome didn't hear what Miroku had said but had watched with a grimace as InuYasha nearly throttled him. Sesshoumaru stood on the sidelines with a distinct bored look on his face and every two minutes or so would cast his eyes up to search Rin out on the track. Teachers were becoming annoyed with his constant presence in their classes and he had a meeting with Kaede after this class to find a better solution. Kagome groaned as the first bell rang for the kids to change to return to change in the lockers. Rin obviously was avoiding Sesshoumaru's searching stares because every time he would look up, she found her way around to the far side of the inside track and looked towards the wall. Kagome chose to reframe from commenting as the girl's eyes darkened as they reached the steps. “Rin…you're like my second in command. You need to go! I need you there! Look. We'll just stay in our room and lock the doors. They won't bother us! Besides, Yash would be there in case they tried something stupid! You are going to go, right? To the playoffs, I mean.”

 

Rin shrugged as they took to the stairs. She rolled her eyes and threw Kagome a pointed glower. “Spending time at a hotel with you and InuYasha? Come on…I remember the last time we did that! Need I remind you to what I heard the entire time?” Rin leaned over and slammed her hand four or five times into the wall, grinning at the quick flush to Kagome's face. She faked a low moan and then stood up straight and stared at Kagome, “I think I'll pass on that one.”

 

Kagome let her mouth hang agape for a moment while the snickering two passed her before she called back, “we weren't…that…bad! And there was no thumping against the wall! We never used….” She grimaced realizing what she was about to say and snapped her mouth closed. Realizing also that her friends were leaving her behind, she shot down the steps after her friends. “Fine Rin, we won't share a room with him. He'll be there though to protect us. Isn't that enough?”

 

Rin sighed and shrugged, “I guess. Look, I want to go…I really do. But do you think Sesshoumaru will let me? And with everything going on lately, I don't think it would be a good idea.” The thought of having a panic attack with Sesshoumaru not around wound her stomach into knots. But…she couldn't run to him this time…she couldn't find solace in his arms. Shit, she couldn't even look at him. `Is this what I've become…unable to function normally? Having to not do the things I want to because I'm afraid of what will happen? Is this what Naraku has reduced me to?' she felt bitter tears begin to well in her eyes but she fought them down. She had been doing that a lot lately and it was getting easier to will herself not to cry.

 

Kagome shrugged, calling Rin on the blatant excuse she forced on the name of Sesshoumaru. If she didn't want to go, then she could just say so. Kagome knew that Rin would hardly care if Sesshoumaru would `let her'. “Does it matter? If it is something you want to do Rin, then do it. I know that it doesn't help to have an overprotective Youkai after you but you have to live your own life.” she paused to think of the latter part of Rin's argument. “I don't think anything will happen Rin. You won't be under stress. You'd actually be away from it!”

 

Rin shrugged and paused at the bottom of the steps. “I know. And maybe getting away is what I need. I know Dr. Yamaoto made that comment. But…with school and everything, I don't have time. It sucks!” As they walked from the door two hands clasp down on her shoulders and Rin screamed. Never had she moved so fast to pull herself from someone's grasp and practically hid behind another's back. Placing her arms around Sango's waist and using her like a human shield, she buried her face into the girl's back. She felt her chest constrict as she cringed when Sesshoumaru's flat voice reached her ears.

 

“Rin….I…” The pain from her skittishness was evident in his voice. He hated the way she flinched when he touched her. He hated the look in her eyes; she looked horrified at the thought of being around him. Sesshoumaru recoiled his hand that had been hanging loosely in the air and shifted his weight to sit back on his heels. He wasn't sure if he should try to talk to her or walk away. And walking away would destroy him. His golden eyes flashed to look at the two girls then he sighed and ran a hand through his unbound hair. Both girls looked apologetic and rather disconcerted. `I can't get them into the middle of this.' Though Sesshoumaru knew Kagome was well aware of the situation, she had spent the night with Rin on the couch. That whole night Sesshoumaru simply sat at the top of the steps watching the girls sleep with InuYasha by his side. They didn't speak a word to each other for the full six hours…but then again, they hadn't needed to. Everything that needed to be said was evident. Rin needed help, she was destroying herself and Yamaoto wasn't helping.

 

Rin swallowed hard and shook her head before turning and running into the girl's locker room. Her hands slammed into the metal door and she shoved past it. `I can't…no…I can't face him! Not yet…not now!' She flew down the tiny hallway and into a bathroom stall. She locked the door and slammed her back into the wall, her eyes wide and her heart racing. Clenching her hands, she could feel her pulse pounding through her veins. Slowly as the situation played over in her mind, she slid to the floor. Burying her face in her hands, she found herself unable to cry. She choked on a sob and shook her head while wrapping her arms around her knees. She had known it was Sesshoumaru. She had known he would be waiting for her and for some reason, when he touched her, she freaked. Rin knew it had been Sesshoumaru waiting for her and yet his presence held the same reaction in her actions as if Naraku himself had been standing there. `What has he done to me?' she though over and over as she stared down at her hands. `What has Naraku turned me into; some skittish bitch afraid of her own lover? Why…why can't I look at Sesshoumaru without fear? Why do I feel that Sesshoumaru would…that if I'm alone with him, he'll….' She fought down the urge to vomit with an iron will as she slowly banged her head against the wall. `This isn't how this is supposed to be. I was supposed to be rescued by my knight on a white horse and whisked away from all of this. The pain is supposed to go away! I'm not supposed to freeze up when I want to just love him to death! I want to give him everything he deserves and I can't even fucking be around him! What is going on? What is happening to me?' she dug her nails into her knees as she focused straight ahead on the opposing wall. She wasn't sure when the two phrases transposed from thought to words but she found herself chanting a mantra of, “I want to die! I just want to fucking die!”

 

“Rin?” Kagome's timid voice penetrated Rin's thoughts like a light in a dark closet.

 

Rin blinked herself to awareness, only then becoming aware that she had been chanting and turned her eyes to stare at the door. As if it were a barrier between worlds, she sealed herself up behind it trying to block out anyone who would dare to comfort her. `I don't deserve their pity! I don't deserve their comfort. They have done so much to try to help and…I'm…I'm beyond help. It's useless for them to try.' Rin closed her eyes and muttered half of her thoughts. “It wasn't supposed to be like this. Sesshoumaru was supposed to save me…I was supposed to be able to love him!”

 

There was a very pregnant silence that was shattered into a million pieces as the metal door leading out of the locker room was nearly ripped off it's hinges to give way to the Youkai lord who stormed out. Tension hung in the air with a static charge attached that attacked anyone who tried to speak. Rin's wide eyes understood the situation. `Fuck.' Her mouth went dry as she turned her head ever so slowly to stare at her door. Rin forced herself to her feet shaking like a cocaine addict in withdrawal. She stood lethargically and her hands fumbled at the lock on the door. `Oh shit…oh shit…what did I say? Did I just…oh shit!' it took several moments for her to get the lock off of the door and she swayed from the stall. She nearly stumbled from the stall to the sink as she rested on the porcelain tub on her elbows. Her knees buckled as her arms hardly held her weight. `I just said…no…that's not what I meant, is it? He thinks…he heard…shit!' Running cold water, she splashed it over her face before allowing gravity to carry her to the floor. Her head nearly hit the sink as she fell to her knees. She sat for a moment, staring into nothing before collapsing to her hands. She stared into the floor as if it held her answers…as if it could tell her what she needed to hear. `He left…he walked away.' Kagome was by her side in an instant, propping her up against the wall and standing to get help. Rin reached out from a near paralyzed state to grab her pant leg. “Don't.”

 

Kagome gasped, tears filling her eyes as she dropped to crouch in front of Rin. “You need help! I'll get the nurse…”

 

Rin shook her head no. “please…don't.” she swallowed hard and banged her head back. “ I didn't mean…it's not…I love Sesshoumaru, I do.” she squeezed her eyes shut and felt her head fall forward. “What did I say? What did I do?”

 

Kagome put a hand on Rin's cheek and shook her head, “he…he wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn't expect him to follow me into here! And I didn't expect…he…he heard…” Kagome stopped rambling as she saw the look of horror that crossed Rin's face.

 

Rin kept her eyes shut with her chin tucked into her chest. “Damnit, Kagome…that isn't what I meant. I didn't mean I don't love him!”

 

Kagome swallowed hard and looked towards the exit that the Youkai had taken upon hearing Rin's words. She watched the words verbally smack him across the face and could feel the pain radiating from him as he stormed out of the area. The obvious hurt was enough to make her want to cry. Turning to face Rin she offered the girl as much comfort as she could. “I'm sure he knows better. It will be okay! Rin, just give it time!”

 

Rin pushed her head back to rest it against the wall. “After all the bullshit. After all of the mess that Naraku left…the crimes he committed. After all of the showers I've taken to try to wash his filth off of me, after all the times I broke skin rubbing so hard to get the dirty feeling off of me. After all of the times he hit me…this hurts the most. I thought healing was supposed to be easy! I thought…I thought I would wake up in Sesshoumaru's arms and be able to…that we would be able to….” she curled her hands into fists as she cracked her head back against the wall with nearly devastating speed. She was numb to the pain. “I was supposed to be okay! He was supposed to heal me! I wasn't supposed to have to go onto medication or talk to some fucking bitch about my personal life!” she hit her head against the wall again, feeling the tiles begin to crack under the constant blows. “Damnit, Kagome, I'm not supposed to see him raping me! I'm not supposed to look at Sesshoumaru and fear him! Do you know what it's like? Do you fucking know?” she wasn't sure when the tears began to stream down her cheeks but they were in rivers. “It's fucking hell! I hate closing my eyes because it's all I see! Those damned dreams where it's not Naraku who held me down! And then I see his face and its like looking at Naraku! Damnit to hell, I love him! I love Sesshoumaru and I can't even fucking touch him without feeling…feeling…” she grit her teeth together and slammed her head back again and cringed as she felt the tile break behind her head. Lights blurred in front of her eyes and she blinked away the spots. She was sure that she was bleeding but she didn't care. `I hurt him, again. I'm destroying him little by little every day, and I can't stop it.' “Why can't I just die? The pain would go away! I was at peace…I was at fucking peace when they…when I died. Everything finally stopped hurting. Then I woke up. I want to go back, Kagome! I want to go back to where it doesn't hurt!”

 

Kagome gasped and grabbed Rin's shoulders. “Stop it! Damnit Rin!” without thinking, she reared back and slapped Rin gently across her jaw. “Stop it! Stop saying that!”

 

Rin gasped, sucking in a deep breath of air and letting it out in a torrent of sobs. Falling forward into Kagome, she buried her face in her friends shoulder. “Make it stop! Please gods, make it stop! I can't see it anymore! God I can't! I just…every time I close my eyes, Kagome, every damn time! I love him, I fucking love Sesshoumaru but I can't…I can't keep seeing this!”

 

Kagome hushed Rin and rocked her back and forth, sparing a helpless glance towards Sango who had matching tears running down her cheeks. “Rin, I…I….” she opened and closed her mouth a few times, unable to find any words to meet her friends pain. Unable to comfort Rin, Kagome felt completely useless as she sat there watching her friend rip herself apart.

 

A bell sounded in the room and Kagome pulled back to look down at Rin then out towards the clock. What she saw stopped made her heart skip a beat. Sesshoumaru sat on the bench, a few feet back, his eyes trained on the girls with a look of commiseration etched across his face. Kagome opened her mouth to say something before Sesshoumaru shook his head. He stood slowly, his dark stone wash carpenter jeans hardly making a sound as he walked towards the two. Very slowly he kneeled down in front of them and tilted his head to his right shoulder to look at Rin. Her face was buried in Kagome's shoulder unaware of the fact that he was present. He lifted a hand to touch her then paused. Thousands of emotions passed through the young lords face as he turned to look at Kagome. He was unsure of what to do…for the second time in his life; he was incapable of making the decision as to what needed to be done. Kagome, sensing Sesshoumaru's pain and confusion, simply nodded, trying to make him understand that he needed to talk to her…that she needed him. She understood Rin's pain and her fears but if Sesshoumaru avoided Rin, it would only hasten the inevitability of Rin being unable to distinguish between Sesshoumaru and Naraku.

 

Kagome rested her cheek on Rin's forehead and muttered, “Rin…you need to talk to him and you need to do it now. It was only a dream, and you know that! He would never hurt you!”

 

Again Sesshoumaru reached for Rin until her words cut through the air. “He must hate me! He thinks I don't love him! Damnit Kagome, I love him so fucking much! But I…I can't…damnit! I just want to die! I want it to go away! I can't deal with this!”

 

Kagome hushed the girl and stroked her hair. “You can Rin, because you're strong! I have faith in you Rin! You've come so far. It's the last leg of the race to freedom Rin…you can still get away from Naraku! Let Sesshoumaru help you! Let us help you!”

 

Rin pulled back, still oblivious to the other figure a few feet away and shook her head slowly, “I don't know how you can! You can't fix me! You can't make me stop dreaming! You can't make Sesshoumaru understand what is going through my head! He doesn't know…he doesn't understand!”

 

A deep growl dug Rin out of her thoughts as she snapped her head to her left. Misty gray met amber in a clash of absolute shock. Rin's mouth hung open and she jerked in Kagome's hands as if to back up out of instinct. Kagome held her steady, ready to let her go if need be…or is Sesshoumaru got stupid. But Kagome knew…she just knew…that Rin simply needed to talk to him about everything. She was taking a risk…a big risk, by forcing Rin into the situation, but she needed to confront her fear. She needed to realize that Sesshoumaru was not Naraku nor would he ever hurt Rin. `I think he'd bite off his own arm before be willing to lay a hand on her.' Kagome winced as Rin's nails dug into her shoulder blades.

 

Sesshoumaru stared at Rin for a moment then blinked slowly, keeping back a few feet for good measure. His voice carried its normal stoic nature but his eyes betrayed him. The amount of evident pain inside of them was heart wrenching. “I told you once not to presume that you know what I do or do not think. I have a much clearer handle on all of this then you imagine Rin. But do not think, for one damned minute, that it reflects anything on you or our relationship.”

 

Rin felt her face scrunch up into a tight frown with her bottom lip quivering. She closed her eyes and fought down tears before letting go of Kagome and launching herself into Sesshoumaru's arms. The relief was instant; like walking out of a busy city street into a sound proof booth. All of the fear, all of her self loathing and hatred, all of the anger and pain; all of it disappeared when Sesshoumaru wrapped his arms around her back and pulled to into a tight embrace.

 

Kagome blinked back her own tears and stood immediately. She flashed Sesshoumaru a warm smile and made a hasty retreat, grabbing her book bag on the way. The door clanged against the cold walls, marking her exit.

 

Sesshoumaru pushed strands of Rin's black hair behind her ears as she clung onto him for dear life. She had her left cheek pressed up against his right shoulder, right over his heart, and wasn't letting to for the life of her. Sesshoumaru was quite sure, at that moment, not even a crow bar would pry her away from him. He stroked her hair lovingly, not wanting to push her to talk or to tell him anything. He wanted her to be comfortable…he wanted to be the one to provide her with that comfort. They sat like that for a number of minutes, Rin's eyes closed as she listened to the beating of Sesshoumaru's heart and Sesshoumaru indulging in the moment that he could hold her.

 

Rin opened her eyes and stared off into the far wall. She had been quite sure that Sesshoumaru would be gone if she let go of him…that it was all some cruel joke at her expense. That's at least how it started when he was there. But when he hugged her, she realized that he wasn't going to leave, she realized that she had been wrong. `He isn't going to scare off that easy. He's…he's going to see this through by my side!' though tears didn't come, she was sure that he knew how grateful she was at that precise moment. She opened her mouth to speak but the words wouldn't shape on her tongue. Only one thing passed through her mind, repeating over and over. Finally, when she would hear no more of it, she began, “Sesshoumaru, I'm…”

 

A deep growl made her freeze as his hold on her tightened. “Do not dare apologize for a single thing Rin! I know you…and I know you are about to do something stupid like saying you're sorry. This is not your fault; therefore you have nothing to apologize for. Do you understand me?”

 

Rin nodded very slowly, her cheek never leaving his chest. She steadied her heart with the sound of his…she kept her calm by listening, allowing herself be enraptured in the rhythmic beating. “I've been so horrible…”

 

Sesshoumaru sighed softly, allowing himself to inhale the sweet jasmine scent of her hair before ducking his head to burry it against her shoulder. “And I understand why. Rin, I figured I knew what you saw in your dreams…and hearing you tell Kagome what it was confirmed my fears.” He opened his mouth once or twice trying to find the best way to say what he needed to without hurting the girls feelings. “You'd be a fool to think I would hurt you. I understand that you see this and it scares you, but I would never…I love you, Rin…and I would sooner fall on my own sword then hurt you, let alone…”

 

Rin nuzzled her cheek in deeper to Sesshoumaru's shoulder and nodded slowly, a lone tear streaming its way down her face. “I know…and I hate myself for being so afraid. I honestly don't know why…I have never had that reaction to dreams before! I…it was like….I don't know….horrible! And I know in my heart that it wasn't you…and I know it wasn't…but…but those dreams. They were so real to a fact where it overrode my brain's common sense button!”

 

Sesshoumaru felt his lips twinge upwards as he unburied himself from under her long tresses and kissed the top of her head. “Rin…I understand. And I will have a conversation about this with your good doctor, believe me.”

 

Rin nodded slowly as Sesshoumaru began to work them both to their feet. Practically holding her weight as his own, he glided without problem to stand up and then balanced her out with his hands placed on her shoulders. She pried her head away from his shoulder to stare upward at the handsome man she knew she was blessed with. `How can he love me after all of this?' she swallowed hard as his gaze narrowed.

 

Sesshoumaru stared down at Rin, the question that she pondered moments before evident by the scrupulous look she was giving him. Cautiously he brought his lips down to rest on her forehead. He closed his eyes as the warmth of her skin assaulted his senses. For a moment, he had forgotten how good her skin against his lips…how sweet her body was. He pulled back before scaring Rin away, or pushing her to far, while his mind ran into previous situations…and positions…that he sorely missed. `Until she is ready…until she is seriously okay, I'll be fine.' He looked down and gave her a small smile. “I can skip the meeting with Kaede, if you wish to go home.”

 

Rin reached up and ran her right hand through his long silver locks before idly wrapping some around her finger. “No…I think…I think I should at least finish out today.”

 

Sesshoumaru switched his eyes from hers to look at the finger that was now curling the ends of his hair. He relented, rebutting the urge to yank his hair away from her hands, and sighed. “You are not very convincing.”

 

Rin chewed on her bottom lip and worked her finger free of his hair, “I…I…” she sighed and dropped her gaze to the floor. “I don't know what I want anymore…”

Sesshoumaru reached out slowly and gently cupped her chin. Lifting her face to meet his, he bent down so they were at eye level. “You need to tell me what you want Rin. I can only read your mind so much…the rest is a mystery to me.”

 

Rin licked her lips unconsciously at the proximity of their bodies. All she needed to do was lean a little forward to seal her lips across his. She felt like her body was being torn in half; one part of her mind wanted to do nothing more then shove him backwards and have her way with him right on the gym floor yet the other part of her was telling her to run…telling her to flee while she still could. `Am I always going to be this confused? Is this ever going to get easier?' she blinked and sighed as he pulled back a few then led her by her hands to the bench. In a soft voice that he had to strain to hear, she muttered, “I just don't know anymore.”

 

Sesshoumaru winced and closed his eyes, praying to god he got the right answer. “Rin…do you still want to be with…do you want us to be together?” he grimaced at how pathetic his tone was…that he was unsure of himself. He hated being unsure of himself. It was a weakness that he hardly ever showed.

 

Rin's head snapped up and tears immediately filled her eyes. “Of course I do! Gods, Sesshoumaru…I love you! I just…it's just…that bastard! What he did…I…I thought I was over it but…”

 

Sesshoumaru enveloped her in his arms and pulled her tight to him. “I understand Rin. I heard what you told Kagome.”

 

Rin grimaced. `So he did hear.' She took a deep breath, trying to hold her confidence together for just a little while longer. “What I said…Sesshoumaru…about being able to love you, I didn't mean it like that….”

 

Sesshoumaru pressed a fingertip to her lips and shook his head. “I told you once not to apologize…do not make me tell you again. Yes, I heard what you said when you entered the stall and my emotions got the better of me.” he frowned and took a patient breath, “never repeat that. But I realized, pacing in the hallway like some pathetic human who sought no control over a situation, that you were hurting. When I reentered, I heard your whole conversation.” Sesshoumaru caught her chin between his thumb and ring finger and tilted her head up. “Don't ever wish to die, Rin. You can't…you can't leave me again. Not like that. I would…I can't…” he sighed and screwed his eyes shut, tired of stuttering over words. Gods, how he hated being weak. “I love you, and without you, I am nothing. I know things are dark but don't you dare give up on me! Don't you dare try to take an easy way out of this!”

 

Rin smiled despite the situation and muttered, “always telling me what to do, I see…” she swallowed hard at the glower he gave her.

 

Sesshoumaru looked down and smirked, “someone has to.”

 

Rin's mouth dropped into an incredulous O shape before she hugged him around his chest. “I love you, I know that and I hope you do too.”

 

Sesshoumaru stood slowly, his eyes darkening towards the general direction of the doors to the locker rooms that Kagome, in all of her wisdom, had locked from the inside. He had been able to ignore the bland punches and knocks at the doors for a little over the ten minutes he had been inside but now…now the teachers were coming and he would have to explain why he was locked in the girls locker room with Rin alone. He knew Sango and Kagome were keeping the `wolves' at bay but that was soon to be done. `Sounds like a situation my brother would get himself into.' Sesshoumaru sighed and kissed Rin's forehead again. “You have another class to get to. I'm going to speak with Kaede about me staying in classes with you. Are you sure you will be fine to go to class?

We can leave…it will not be a problem, I assure you…”

 

Rin nodded and leaned forward to brush her lips against his. The touch was feather light but it sent chills up both their spines. She nodded slowly, “I…I need to be here. It's better then sitting at home feeling sorry for myself.”

 

Sesshoumaru shot her a pointed stare and touched her lips with his finger, “you do not feel sorry for yourself Rin…you're hurting and taking the necessary time to recover. Do not confuse the two.”

 

Rin opened her mouth to argue but found it pointless. He wouldn't listen to her, and he was also walking away towards the other door. Rin stood up slowly, watching Sesshoumaru glance once over his shoulder and offer her a reassuring smile before disappearing into an angry mob of girls, all of who stopped to stare from the Youkai to the young blushing girl. Rin grimaced as whispers sparked like fire as the girls huffed their way to their lockers. `Well…something new for the rumor mill today, I guess.' With a roll of the eyes, she lunged through the crowd to find Kagome and thank her.

 

~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~

 

Sesshoumaru breezed down the hallways towards the principal's office. He had a thing or two he was going to drill into that old hag's head about security before demanding his needs to escort Rin be met. Sure, he was going to be unreasonable, but it was business after all…and if he inherited anything from his father, it was his negotiation tactics. He nearly missed the red-eyed wind sorceress who was leaning against his locker as he streamed past the main hall. Pausing mid step, Sesshoumaru visibly sighed and slowly drawled, “what do you want, witch?”

 

Kagura took her time swiping pieces of stray hair from her eyes and more time inspecting her nails before kicking her right foot, which had been pressed against the lockers, bent at her knee, off the metal contraptions and swaggering her way towards the older demon. She paused two feet from him and took her time looking over his body, undressing him with her eyes…or maybe she was sizing him up, he wasn't sure nor did Sesshoumaru truly care. The urge to smack the wench back to the lockers was barely contained as he met her gaze with stone cold eyes. Kagura sucked on her bottom lip slightly as she looked over his carpenter jeans and buttoned down white shirt. “My…we're a little worse for wear, aren't we?”

 

Sesshoumaru's nostrils flared as he turned his head from her and began to walk, “your useless banter has no meaning to me. Go find yourself another play toy, this Sesshoumaru will have none of it.”

 

Kagura rolled her eyes and held her hand out in front of him, “I have something you want to hear, did Sango tell you?”

 

Sesshoumaru kept walking, shoving past her hand with a nudge from his shoulder. The bitch's games meant little to nothing to him and he was not going to be a pawn in them. He had a lot more important things to do then listen to gossip or bullshit.

 

“It's about Rin.”

 

`Rin.' Sesshoumaru paused yet did not look back, his eyes registering the vocalized name but his body motions remaining calm. “This better be worth my time…because if you say something stupid, I will kill you….”

 

Kagura rolled her eyes and took her time swaggering up towards the demon. Rolling her hips to her right, she placed one manicured hand on her hip and the other on Sesshoumaru's arm. “You have her…talking to a Psychiatrist, right?”

 

Sesshoumaru shook her hand off and stared down his nose at the girl, “that is none of your concern.”

 

Kagura made a face, as if she had taken in something sour, and stepped back, “look, I'm trying to warn you…”

 

Sesshoumaru huffed and pushed past her, “save it!”

 

Kagura licked her lips and growled, “If you were any type of man who loved his bitch you would listen to me!”

 

That got the good lord's attention. Kagura found herself plastered to a locker, Sesshoumaru's hand clenched around her neck and the pressure on her windpipe. Claws threatened to piece her jugular if the demon didn't simply open his mouth and bite her head off first. Sesshoumaru brought his face inches from hers and seethed, “I warned you once to keep out of mine and Rin's relationship. I shall not warn you again!”

 

Kagura struggled to breath and finally gave in, bowing her head to the man in front of her. If he didn't want her help, then she would not offer it. `Let him be the girl's downfall. I tried…' She felt his hand release from her neck and she barreled towards the floor. Catching herself on her hands, she flipped her head up and hissed, “Bastard, I hope you learn this shit the hard way then!”

 

Sesshoumaru sneered then turned on his heels and stormed the extra ten feet to the main office. Slamming the door a little harder then he meant to, Sesshoumaru cringed as he heard two glass panes crack under the pressure. He fought down the shock in his eyes and continued walking forward. `Better to ignore then apologize.' He rapped once on Kaede's door before simply walking in. the old woman turned and cast a dark scowl at the demon before holding her hand to the chair. Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes and shook his head once, “no, thank you. I shall prefer to stand. I want to make this quick, old hag.”

 

Kaede's frown darkened as she found herself a seat in the chair behind her desk. She nodded to the demon and prepared for the storm.

 

“This school's security is negligent, at best. People come and go from this building without so much as signing in. Trash and filth are admitted as students and assaults happen everyday. You people charge an arm and a leg for us to walk around a hostile ground where at any moment we could become victims of violent crimes.

We might as well be going to a public school for the mess you run here!”

 

Kaede nodded slowly, “I am aware of this problem, Sesshoumaru, and I have begun investing in armed security guards.”

 

Sesshoumaru sneered and slammed his hands down onto the desk, “the entire Tokyo police department were a bunch of Diegosan Loyalists. What makes you believe that you can find untainted cops to occupy this area? To bring more trouble in from the outside would spell out disaster!”

 

Kaede sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “what then do you suggest, Mr. Taisho?”

 

Sesshoumaru took a moment to compose himself and clasp his hands behind his back, wandering towards the far corner of the office. Keeping his back to the woman, he spoke loud, “that is not my concern. This is your school…it is something that you need to see to. What you also need to see to is any lawsuits that may proceed because of the school and your disregard. It is your job to provide students with a safe atmosphere.”

 

Kaede nodded slowly, trying to interpret what was not being said. “Sesshoumaru, I am deeply apologetic for what Rin has gone through…”

 

Sesshoumaru balled his one hand into a fist, the only sign that her words reached him. “Girl's being raped in the bathrooms is the sign of a mockery of a elite school. It's an abomination that something like that would happen here. I expect to see changes…I expect to see something done! I want change; this school needs to see a change. You cannot expect people to attend with fear in their hearts! I know prestigious this school used to be and it is a shame to see what it has become.”

 

Kaede sighed deeply and nodded again, “I understand that, Sesshoumaru. And again, I agree…but my hands are tied until the district agrees on the security issue…”

 

Sesshoumaru glanced over his left shoulder, anger blazing in his eyes. “Then do something about it. Press the issue…get in peoples faces. You need to stand up to this! History does not remember those who went quietly….”

 

Kaede rested her head back to the chair rest, “what have you me do? Hold the board hostage until they come to a decision? As much as I want to support all of this, Sesshoumaru, there is little I can do.”

 

Sesshoumaru smirked inwardly; she fell right to where he wanted her. Turning on his heels, he stalked towards the desk and firmly planted his hands a shoulder's length apart and stared at the old woman. “I want the approval from you, and your word, that until a security task force is placed here at the school, I can trail Rin through her classes. Not simply walking her to them…I want to be a part of them. I need to approval of you to sit through the classes, the teachers I can only hold at bay for so long. You can give me the letter stating that it is where I belong.”

 

Kaede sighed, “So…you wish to attend class with Rin, every day?”

 

Sesshoumaru stared at the woman, “yes, I do.”

 

Kaede stared at the demon for a moment eye to eye before relenting, “but what about your own grades Sesshoumaru? What about your future?”

 

Sesshoumaru scowled, “it matters not to me. What matters is Rin's safety and sanity. Both of which are products that have been endangered by your school.”

 

Kaede scowled, “Sesshoumaru, to bypass your classes would make this the second time you would be left back in your senior year. I would not be allowed to readmit you next year. In essence, you would fail out of high school. Are you truly ready for that?”

 

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow and snapped, “anything for Rin. It matters not about myself. I have my inheritance to last for my lifetime, my heir's lifetime and their heir. What I care about is my mate.”

 

Kaede bridged her fingers together at the tips and tapped them against her chin. “This is a precarious situation, Sesshoumaru. To grant you what you ask could possibly throw me under the buss with the other teachers. To let a student who does not belong interfere with their classes…”

 

Sesshoumaru squared his shoulders and stood from his hunched over position. “I would stand by the door and wait for Rin to be done. I would be nothing more then a bodyguard.”

 

Kaede studied the demon's determined face and tapped her chin again, “tell me, Sesshoumaru…what of Harvard?”

 

Rage boiled in the demon's eyes and before he knew it, he slammed his hands onto the desk and was mere inches from Kaede's wrinkled face. “What do you know about that? Was it you, hag, who sent them my information?”

 

Kaede played it down, her eyes betraying her lie though. “I know not who sent it, Sesshoumaru…but being that your uncle graduated under a different name as top of the class from Harvard Law, I would be to guess that influenced your acceptance.”

 

Sesshoumaru looked as if he could kill. Absolute rage dripped from each of his words. “I want you not to meddle in my affairs, wench! I am not going to attend college in America, it simply will not happen. Why you dared to send my personal information to a college without my consent is beyond me. Are you that stupid?”

 

Kaede met the demons aggression head on. “Are you afraid of leaving Rin for a year? Is that why you are furious? Or are you furious because you wish to go but feel like you would be abandoning Rin. Was that not always your dream, Sesshoumaru; to attend school in America for law? You were accepted to Princeton before you came here. Due to those…unfortunate…accidents, you were retained a year. You lost a great opportunity do to causes beyond your control. This is your choice now, Sesshoumaru…I would be a little bit more level headed about it.”

 

Sesshoumaru recoiled as if slapped and snarled, “My dreams entail of seeing Rin better. I will not abandon her to go to school in America. She knows nothing of my acceptance nor will she ever. I do not need for her to consider herself a hindrance to my education, on top of her other stress. I chose to stay, like I chose to live. I live for Rin.”

 

Kaede read his unspoken words and gasped slightly, “so…you have not told Rin of your acceptance.”

 

Sesshoumaru took a step towards the woman, obviously holding in his anger, “will you write me a note to be in class with Rin or do I have to withdraw us both from this academy?”

 

Kaede raised a gray eyebrow, “would you go to that extreme? You would pull Rin away from her friends? To enroll her where? In a public school?”

 

Sesshoumaru shot back, “I would go to the ends of the earth for Rin, think this not an obstacle. Do I have your permission or not?”

 

Kaede sighed deeply then nodded hesitantly, “you will fail your classes if you chose to do this Sesshoumaru…and your acceptance will be in vain.”

 

Sesshoumaru nodded swiftly and turned his back on her. “I care not. And in the mean time, wench, do not meddle in my affairs. I'll kill you for it next time.”

 

Kaede watched the man walk from the room and sighed louder, “at least he's more reserved then his father was.” With a deep groan, she hit her intercom button, “Judyia, get me Taisho Soryeenans on the phone. Tell him I wish to speak with him about his hot headed nephew.”

 

~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~**~

 

 

 

OFF> I was going to write more but I've been sitting on this for a while and I figured lets just get it done!!!