InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Demons Within Us ❯ Of the Fallen ( Chapter 10 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Kagome ran up the stairs quickly, her mind racing at the images she saw. She shut her eyes against the assault but her mind kept flashing them in succession.

Shaking her head, she forced her eyes open and stared hard at the ground as she walked down the corridor. Part of her told her to be angry, part of her told her to hate and to be jealous. But her hopeful heart played over what her raging mind wanted to miss. No matter what she saw, all she could notice were his desolate eyes.

She didn't understand. They had won the first round of the competition. His hard work had paid off and they would be well known throughout Kyoto. They were even going on to Tokyo. Perdition was making a name for itself. Yet he still wasn't happy. For some reason he still escaped into the darkness, into the very thing that was eating him alive.

Her countenance saddened at the thought. He was afraid. And his fear was pulling him into places he may never get out of. She couldn't be angry with him, she couldn't hate him, and she certainly had no right to be jealous. He was doing exactly what he thought he needed to do to hide his fear. Being angry wouldn't help him from the shadows. It would only push him back. Instead, she would do exactly what someone did for her. She would care for him, no matter what temptations he succumbed to. Her eyes narrowed slightly at the memory of Kikyo, her naked body touching….

Kagome stopped in her tracks and swallowed hard, shutting her eyes once more. There was more to this woman than she dared to know. She could tell InuYasha did not care for Kikyo. The disgust on his face when Kikyo had touched him was enough to tell her that. But she didn't understand. Whether or not he cared, he had this woman. He had this Kikyo. So why did he kiss her? Why did he tempt her so much? What was it he wanted from her when he already had someone else?

She sighed. That wasn't the point, was it? It didn't matter what he wanted from her or felt for her. It was the fact that she had developed feelings for him.

In the beginning she could stand up against his assault and wrath. They were just the words of an angry man. But now her heart was exposed. It wasn't something she intended, but it happened. All it took was one kiss to reveal to her the man he really was, to see the part of him he had hidden away. But so quickly he pulled himself back into the anger and bitterness he held like a shield.

It was hard to keep his words from affecting her since then. She thought she could still hold her ground against him, hide her heart from him, but tonight was the turning point. The way he got on that stage, the way he sang…. She could tell nothing else was there to tear him down. It was there, on that stage, she saw InuYasha as he could be, as he was meant to be. InuYasha was strong, InuYasha was brave, and InuYasha was InuYasha. And she loved that about him.

Kagome's shoulders slumped and she continued walking though her thoughts led her. He was back in his shell again, hiding under that cloak of smoke and daggers he made for himself. The man she craved was in there, but hidden. The man he was now was wrapped up with that woman downstairs.

She shivered at the thought of cold dead eyes glaring at her. This woman, Kikyo, looked so dark, so black inside. It chilled her. She knew what this woman was to him and Kagome couldn't tell which hurt more. The fact Kikyo was just a means for his pleasure or the fact InuYasha felt that was all he needed. Didn't he know there was so much more? Didn't he know he could have so much more?

Kagome rubbed her forehead as she tried to wipe away the direction her thoughts were going. It wasn't her say to decide what he wanted. He made his choices. And she had hers. Only now, she sighed, her choices were no longer so simple. She cared about him but she could not get close him. To do that would only make her walk into the darkness with him. The very idea was chilling. Instead, she could only watch over him, never letting him see her heart, no matter how much he tempted. No matter how much she wanted to let it all go.

Yet she would not lose hope for him. Her path was decided, and she had to walk it.

And she walked directly into a hard chest.

“Oomph!” Kagome stumbled back and blinked back to reality. “I'm so sorry, Mr.….” She looked up and her eyes widened as she saw her reflection in dark pools of gold. “Sesshomaru?”

A dark brow quirked slightly, “Mr. Sesshomaru?”

“Sorry,” Kagome flushed. She cocked her head back to look at him fully. “We haven't really been properly introduced, have we?”

He nodded slightly. “Business does tend to get in the way, whether it is professional…or family.” His eyes roamed her body quickly, taking in her jeans and pink shirt. She really did look as innocent as they claim. Well, mostly. He internally smirked. She still had her black make up on. “Since we will be working together for awhile it seems, you may continue calling me Sesshomaru.”

She smiled shyly. “Thank you, Sesshomaru.”

Golden eyes met blue. “Kagome.”

Kagome blushed slightly and stepped back. “I'm sorry for running into you, my mind was somewhere else.”

“Obviously. I am usually hard to ignore.”

Kagome looked up at him stunned. She had him pegged as a cold man the first time they met, but she could see a glint of humour reflected in his gaze. She smiled brightly in spite of all that just happened. “So how did you find the concert?”

Sesshomaru looked contemplative for a moment. “It lacked the social grace and subtle charms I have grown accustomed to, but I adjusted.”

Kagome quirked her head slightly to the side as she regarded him, “Well, I'm sure the rap portion was more to your standard?”

The man gazed down at her and his lips curved slightly in a mild grin. “Yes, the highlight of my night.”

Kagome laughed. “Well, stroke my ego. How did you find `your investment'?”

“You won.”

“Yes, we did. But what did you think?” Kagome grinned.

Sesshomaru smirked and Kagome felt her stomach pang at how close it resembled InuYasha's. “I think you deserved that win.”

Her smile grew wider. “Thank you, Sesshomaru.”

He looked away and shrugged. “I assume it would be more prudent that I thank you, Kagome. Perdition may yet pay me back for the expensive drum set you play on, among other things.”

Kagome smile faded into a relaxed grin. “Well, if InuYasha continues to keep up the great work he has been doing, I am sure you will be seeing more cheques.”

“Speaking of which.” Sesshomaru glanced down at her. “Where is my brother?”

Kagome's smile faded and she looked to the far doors that led outside. “He's… still getting ready.”

Golden eyes searched her face intently. “I see. If you will excuse me.” He walked past her to head towards the stairs leading to the dressing rooms.

Kagome shut her eyes and swallowed hard. “Wait!”

The man turned to regard her curiously.

She looked back at him, her face showing signs of worry and gentle sadness. She sighed. “He isn't alone.”

Sesshomaru's eyes darkened slightly. “I know.” He turned to descend down the stairs.

“Sesshomaru?”

He sighed and looked back up at her. “Kagome?”

She smiled gently as she walked over to him. She fidgeted with her fingers endearingly and Sesshomaru couldn't help but feel she was stalling him.

“I… I know it's a bit late, but my family has organized a surprise party for me at home. The band has been invited by now, and I was wondering if you would like to drop by? I mean it is because of your investment we were able to get anywhere at all.”

Sesshomaru searched her face intently with slight surprise. He could see why his brother was so enamoured with the girl. The night he walked into the warehouse he noticed the fire back in InuYasha's eyes, especially when he addressed the girl in front of him. InuYasha never cared how or what Sesshomaru said to the women he was interested in, yet the jealousy that burned through his little brother as he regarded Kagome definitely made him take special notice of her.

She stood so shyly in front of him, yet so confident in her abilities. Her body was enough to make even Sesshomaru blink, especially in her black leather clothes and make up. Yet he could see she didn't belong in the darkness. Kagome was of light and laughter, the very thing his brother needed, if the idiot ever got out of his damn hole to realize it.

Sesshomaru shook his head slightly. “I am overdue to be at home as is. I told my daughter I would be back to watch the concert on television with her.”

Kagome blinked. “Oh, I never knew you had a child, Sesshomaru.”

He nodded softly. “Rin.”

She smiled. “Then perhaps you both shall come another time?”

“Yes.” He smirked. “Next week, when you win the second competition.”

Her smile grew brighter. “Yes, next week. Have a good night, Sesshomaru.” She was about to turn but stopped. “Um… Sesshomaru?”

The man looked back up at her intently, though he was beginning to get annoyed.

Her eyes darted down the stairs and he could see she was internally struggling with something. Her face was a little pale as she tried to formulate what she wanted to say.

“Kagome.” Her eyes darted to meet his. “There is nothing you need to protect him from tonight. I will make sure he gets home safe. I always do.”

She searched his face quickly before she seemed to visibly relax. “Thank you.” With that she turned on her heel and jogged out of the stadium, leaving him with the burden he would have to face when he opened the dressing room door.

- -

Kagome smiled as she approached the van. “Well, are we going to the party or what?”

Ayame's face dropped. “How'd you know?”

“Small house.” Kagome winked.

Ayame gave her a deadly glare. “You bribed Shippou, didn't you?”

“He didn't make it hard.” Kagome laughed. “Having a boy come up to you saying `I know something you don't know' is a sure give away.”

Ayame growled and glowered at the station wagon. “I'm going to pound that little snitch.”

Kagome giggled. “Damage is done and there's a party to be had. Are we ready?”

“What about InuYasha?” Ayame asked.

Kagome's smile faded softly and she shrugged in soft acceptance. “He said he has his own plans tonight.”

Kouga, Sango and Miroku looked at each other and frowned. They had seen Sesshomaru go in a few minutes before, which would not bode well for InuYasha if he were caught doing something improper. Still, he couldn't be into too much trouble if Kagome seemed herself after going to see him.

“You guys go on ahead.” Sango yawned. “Me and Miro are taking the van back to the warehouse and crashing for the night.”

“You're not coming?” Kagome looked at the two in disappointment.

Both shook their heads.

Sango wiped her weary eyes. “Thanks, anyways, Kags, but I….”

Miroku beat Sango to the punch. “Sorry, Kags, but we have our own celebration planned.” He wiggled his eyebrows and slung his arm on Sango's shoulders.

Sango flared and shoved him hard in embarrassment. “As if!”

Kagome laughed. “Okay, so you guys have your night set, enough said. Kouga, are you coming?” She looked over at the blue-eyed man.

He didn't respond. He was too busy looking intently down at Ayame as she chatted quietly with him and stroked a tendril of his hair.

“Yes, take him, for the love of all that's sacred.” Miroku rolled his eyes.

Kagome smiled softly at the two couples beside her. She was happy to seem them at ease. She cast her eyes over at Sango. “Okay, then. Well, I guess I'll see you both later. When's next practice?”

Sango shrugged and fought off a yawn. “I'll call you tomorrow once I know, but tonight, go enjoy yourself. You did great, Kagome. We're so happy you're in the band.” She smiled sincerely.

Kagome grinned happily and gave her a quick hug. “Thanks, Sango, all of you were amazing. Have a great night, both of you.”

They nodded and everyone said their goodbyes. As Kagome walked toward her car she casually looked behind her to see Kouga's arm wrapped around Ayame's waist, both gazing at each other as they still talked. Kagome's lips quirked as she fought off a knowing grin.

“Ayame?”

The redhead shot her eyes over at Kagome, startled out of her reverie. “Yeah?”

Kagome tossed the keys to her. “You and Kouga take my car back to the House.”

Ayame looked down at the keys in her hand suspiciously. “Why?”

“I feel like chatting with Kaede on the way home.” Kagome shrugged.

“Are you sure it's safe we take the Widow Maker?” Ayame grinned at Kagome's nickname for her car.

Kagome stuck her tongue out at the girl. “Yeah. Besides, I owe Shippou a candy bar for squealing.”

Ayame's eyes shot daggers at the boy in the window. Shippou ducked his head quickly. “Yeah, it's safer if I took your car.”

Kagome grinned and took one last glance back at the Stadium. Her heart thundered in her chest as she thought of what she was leaving behind, but tonight was not a night to look back. It was a night of new beginnings.

-+-

“Surprise!”

Kagome smiled widely as she entered the two-story house. Several children came running up to her. She laughed and hugged each of them in turn. “Oh wow! Thank you guys so much!”

Ayame walked in with Kouga behind her and gave Kagome a sly grin. “Smooth.”

Shippou and Jim bounded in after them and they ran excitedly towards the kitchen where a table was set up with all sorts of food. A television was blaring in the living room showing the concert on the public channel. The Shikon House was a flurry of activity as several people came to wish Kagome congratulations.

After giving the last person a hug, Kagome turned and hugged Kaede as she walked past. “Thank you, Lady Kaede.”

“I did nothing, child.” Her eye glanced at the children that danced in front of the TV and laughed all around them. “They planned this for you. Mind you they would have thrown a party whether you won or lost.”

Kagome smiled happily. “I'm blessed to have a great family.”

“Aye, child, as are we blessed to have you. Now get in there and enjoy yourself.” She smiled and shoved Kagome into the living room where she picked up a small girl and began to dance with her.

Kouga watched Kagome from the hallway intently, breaking out of his daze when Ayame handed him a plate of food. He nodded his head towards the raven-haired woman now surrounded by a mass of dancing children. “Look at her. I have never seen her without that smile on her face.”

Ayame nodded and smiled softly as she watched her friend in the living room. “It's Kagome's gift. She makes all things new for anyone who comes into her life.”

Kouga regarded the drummer once more before shaking his head. He liked Kagome but he was jealous that anyone could come out of the war safe and sound. He tried to hide the bitterness in his voice but failed. “How does she do it? How could she have lived a life so happy when the rest of us were trying to survive?”

Ayame looked up at him stunned. “She didn't. Kagome wasn't always like this.”

“What do you mean?” He turned to her confused.

Ayame watched Kagome twirl happily around the living room, dancing along with a band that played on the television. The children laughed and twirled with her without a care in the world. Ayame sighed and led Kouga to the stairwell to sit on the steps, away from prying eyes and ears.

“Kagome is my best friend, and I know how hard it is to understand why she is the way she is. But in all honesty, is it really that bad?”

Kouga frowned and ate a little off his plate. “I don't get what you're asking.”

Ayame shrugged. “Just that Kagome is happy. She wants others to be happy. Does it matter what kind of life she had? Does she need a reason?”

Kouga chewed slowly on a bite of chicken salad that suddenly turned sour in his mouth. “Never mind, just forget I asked. Doesn't matter anyways.”

“Kouga?”

Sapphire eyes met emerald. “What?”

Ayame worried her lower lip as if trying to decide something. “Does it matter what kind of life she lived?”

Kouga growled as he picked distractedly off his plate. “No.”

“Then why are you angry?”

His shoulders slumped as he quickly lost his tolerance. “It's just that it feels that she has every reason to be happy, because nothing bad ever happened to her. And the more she laughs and smiles, the more I think how much I hate that I can't be like that. Because I lived a shit life that I had no control over.” He sighed. “I like her. She's a good kid, but sometimes her happiness is like a slap in the face for those of us who lived a hard life.”

Ayame cast her eyes down and shook her head. “Then you should understand that nothing is what it appears.”

“Oh? So Kagome isn't some angel in disguise?” He stabbed angrily at his food.

“If she was, she fell pretty hard to get here.”

Kouga scowled. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Ayame closed her eyes in unease before looking up at him. “Promise you won't bring it up unless she does?”

Kouga blinked in uncertainty and reluctantly nodded.

The red haired girl sighed in resolution. “I'm only telling you this because I know Kagome wouldn't want you to feel that she is mocking you. It'd be better she tell you herself, but she doesn't need to be reminded of things she's worked so hard to overcome.”

“I don't understand.” Kouga frowned.

“I was here a few years before Kagome came to live at the orphanage. I remember the day Kaede brought her home. She was so skinny and sick looking when she first arrived. Kaede kept her in the little bedroom upstairs by herself for such a long time.”

“Why? What was wrong with her?”

“Do you remember the bomb that obliterated the entire block in the south end?”

Kouga nodded. “God, yeah. Practically flattened the place. No one survived. Shit, no one even goes near that place anymore.”

Ayame looked down at her plate. “You're wrong about one thing. There was a survivor.”

Kouga looked down at her in shock and lifted his hand to cover his mouth. “Oh fuck, she lived through that?”

Ayame nodded.

“How?” Kouga shook his head numbly. “That bomb created a fire blast so hot it obliterated houses to ash in minutes.”

Ayame bit her lip as she picked at some rice on her plate before taking the plate and placing it on the step behind her. “Kaede calls her the miracle child. How she lived was never answered. I mean her house fell right on top of her.” Ayame paled. “God, I still remember hearing Kagome scream in her sleep. Calling to her family… to her brother. She saw them burn to death right in front of her. Yet somehow she managed to climb out and found some place to protect herself from the fires around her. It was almost three days since the blast that someone found her.”

Kouga looked down the stairs in a numbed state. “But, she looks… she acts so….”

“Yeah.” Ayame nodded before pointing to a room up the stairs. “She stayed in that room for almost a year. Her body was always bandaged because of the burns she had. She couldn't even wear clothes because they would stick to her and peel off the skin that tried to heal. She was in so much pain for such a long time. I used to carry up buckets of ice for her to lie on so she could sleep.”

“Oh God.” Kouga swallowed hard.

“Kaede spent every night in that room with her, singing and praying. I never thought Kagome would ever leave that room. She never even spoke. Only in her sleep did she cry and scream from the nightmares she had to have suffered. She scared the heck out of all of us.” Ayame sighed. “Then one day Kaede brought home a drum set and put it in her room.”

She smiled at the memory. “For days all we could hear was tap, tap, tap of the cymbals. Then, I don't know. She must have snapped because for weeks after that the drum sounded as if it was being beaten to death. She just kept hitting it over and over and over. Then one night, it just stopped. I remember that I snuck from my room to see if she was okay, wondering if she just went to bed. I opened her door a crack and looked in. She was sitting at the drums in the corner, wearing nothing but the bandages that covered her torso and legs. And she was crying.” She lifted her green eyes up to the room and she shook her head in disbelief. “But she was laughing too.”

Kouga looked down at Ayame, placing his discarded plate next to hers on the stair. “What happened? Did she go crazy or something?”

Ayame shook her head. “No, she was looking up at the ceiling and was smiling. And she said something I'll never forget.”

“What?” Kouga shuffled closer to Ayame as if waiting to hear a secret most profound.

“'I'll live for you.'”

Kouga blinked. “What?”

Ayame smiled and looked down at her hands. “I think she was speaking to her family. I think at that moment she decided that because they were no longer alive, she would live for them. And she did. After that night, she became who she is today. She is living the life she wants others to live.”

Kouga stared down at the stairs. “I… I don't know how she could have come through that and end up like this.”

Ayame shut her eyes and smiled softly, her face looked serene and bright. “God heals us when we are broken.”

Kouga scowled. “If only it were that easy.”

He tensed but slowly relaxed when he felt her warm hand cover his.

“Healing begins with the heart, Kouga. First thing you have to do is speak what your heart speaks. If you are true to it, then everything will open to you. If you don't believe me then look at Kagome, look at all the children here. They gave their lives to God and they have everything they need.”

Kouga seemed distant and wary before he turned and gazed deeply into her emerald eyes. “Think if I did that, I'd get what I wanted too?” His blue eyes filtered down to her soft pink lips.

Ayame searched his eyes in slight shock before she smiled shyly and leaned forward, capturing his lips into her own, kissing him tenderly and with compassion.

Kouga slowly closed his eyes and leaned into her touch, pressing his lips further into hers. She tasted like sugar and spice that sent tingles of pleasure through him. Her mouth was so sweet and zesty it was if he tasted her soul. Nothing he had tasted was so rich and clean and good. Good…. He grimaced in despair.

Ayame pulled back softly, breaking their kiss. Her face was tinged in a soft blush, but her eyes looked hurt at seeing the expression on his face. “Kouga?” She whispered.

“I don't deserve this.” He murmured, opening his deep blue eyes to seek her own.

“Why do you say this?” She asked softly.

Kouga shut his eyes and leaned away from her to rest his back on the banister. He was quiet for a long while before he sighed wearily. “I'm not a good man, Ayame. I've done things I'm not proud of.”

She remained silent.

Opening his eyes, Kouga was stunned to see her looking so sadly into his own. But it wasn't in pity or remorse of what he could have possibly done. She was sad for him, of what he had to endure, even though he had never told her. He let out a heavy breath not believing what he was about to say.

“My old man wasn't a good man, either. Got the scars the prove it.” He shook his head bitterly. “I ran away from home when I was nine, lived on the streets until I got into the gangs.”

She nodded and bit her lower lip, listening intently. “You told me were in one.”

“Yeah, but I never told you what we did.” His face seemed to pale. “You have to understand, Ayame. It's a dog eat dog world out there. It wasn't nothing to see your friends' bodies gutted during a riot and left to rot. Living on the streets was easy when you lived by one rule. Live and let die. You did what you had to in order to survive.”

She gasped softly. “Kouga, did you…?”

He bit his lip and reluctantly nodded his head, casting his eyes to the ground. “Yeah. I killed.”

Her eyes seemed to grow blank as she looked away in shock.

Kouga searched her face for any sign she was listening, but she looked so sick all of a sudden. He shut his eyes in revulsion. What she must think of him now.

“I should go.” He moved to stand but her soft hand pulled him to sit back down beside her.

“Do you think so little of me?” Her green eyes narrowed.

He looked at her in confused regret. “No, Ayame, I just didn't want to….” His voice grew dark as his anger replaced his other emotions. “I didn't want to tell you. Shit, I just thought I could fucking confide in you.”

Her soft voice quickly soothed away his temper. “Oh Kouga. I'm not upset you told me. I'm upset you would think to leave after telling me. Confiding in me tells me you trust me. Leaving tells me you don't.”

He looked at her in shock before lowering his head. “Ayame, I….”

She shook her head and her eyes flashed liquid green fire as she thought about all he had to endure. “I'm just upset, because…. You were a child, Kouga. And a child should know nothing but love. The life you lived should never have happened. But it did and nothing can change that. But you survived, Ko. You did what you thought you had to in order to see another day. I'm just sad that there was no one to save you before it happened. I'm sad no one was there to help you.”

Kouga glanced up and his heart nearly stopped. Tears brimmed her beautiful eyes as she looked at him with more compassion and grace he ever thought could be bestowed upon him. He licked his lips. “There was someone.”

Ayame blinked in confusion, unconsciously releasing a tear to graze down her cheek.

He quietly swiped his thumb across the salty drop, brushing it away from her flushed face. “As much as I hate to admit it, someone did save me from it.” He smirked. “Dogturd.”

“InuYasha?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I took up playing at one of the local clubs at some point; drums, guitar… hell, what ever I could get a hold of. That's where I met him. He was trying to make it as a singer with just a junk guitar and himself. Of course, the area we were in, no respectable punk kid just waltzes in with an acoustic and expects a handout. But he did.” He chuckled. “Got himself beat up a few times, but he kept coming back, until I took pity on him and jammed with him a few sessions.”

“How old were you?” Ayame asked quietly.

“I was about nineteen, twenty maybe? Yash was about seventeen, I'm guessing.” Kouga shrugged. “He ran away from some half way house, ended up on the streets tryin' to make something of himself. He would have gotten killed for sure on his own. So I brought him into the gang.”

“InuYasha was in a gang too?”

He nodded. “Yeah, for a few months, until his brother showed up out of the blue. He practically beat InuYasha for an inch of his life trying to bring him back with him. The kid just did not want to go home.”

“Why? I mean, he's Sesshomaru's brother, their family is one of the richest in Japan.” Ayame bit distractedly on her thumbnail. “Why was he even at a half way house?”

“Never knew.” He shrugged. “But one day his brother just showed up at the club. Normally, the gang would have intervened and protected InuYasha, but you don't mess with Taisho Sesshomaru.” He looked pointedly at Ayame but refused to say more than that. “So he went back. Never heard from him for a few years until three years ago.”

Ayame's eyes widened. “What happened?”

Kouga sighed. His breath shuddered when he exhaled. “Gang war. Three gangs were trying to claim one turf. Mine included. It was….” He shook his head. “It was bloody.”

“…You don't have to tell me anymore if you don't want to.” Her voice was soft and she rested her small hand on his thigh.

He shook his head. “I want you to know.” He looked down at her, his eyes begging for understanding before turning to look distractedly at his hands. “A gang was your family. You took care of your own, and they took care of you. But I got careless, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

Kouga grimaced and shut his eyes at the memory. “Me and my buddy were taking a back alley to sneak up behind a few punks that were staking out our hideout. Managed to jump them by surprise. My buddy shot one of them, but the person I grabbed….”

Ayame was quiet for a moment before she placed her warm hand on his arm, rubbing it encouragingly. “Ko?”

His eyes opened and her breath hitched at the sight. Fear haloed the undeniable regret in his eyes. “He was a fucking kid, probably not much older than Ship. God, what was he thinking being there?” He rubbed his face hard in his hands. “He had no right being there.”

“Ko?” Ayame bit her lower lip nervously as she tried to gain her courage. “Did you…?”

He shook his head slowly. “No, I couldn't. He was just a fucking kid. I just roughed him up and sent him on his way. Hour later he came back to where we were with a gun, shot my buddy square in the chest and just narrowly missed killing me. I got a bullet in my shoulder. Went straight through.”

Gasping, Ayame looked at his shoulders in alarm. She wanted to say something, anything, but her mind couldn't comprehend anything at that moment. His cold laughter pulled her from her shock.

“Goes to show what compassion can do. Save one life, he comes back to take yours.” Kouga rubbed his eyes tiredly before resting his face on his hands. “I fucked up and my gang knew it. They knew I let the boy go and they knew he came back and shot us. It was my fault he got away, it was my fault he killed my friend and it was my fault they found our hideout. And it was my punishment that I earned.”

He rubbed his forehead distractedly and sighed heavily before he continued. “I was coming home from the club after jamming. Was a little drunk too, trying to forget what happened. I got jumped in an alleyway.” He gingerly lifted his shirt, revealing a massive scar along his side to his navel. “My own gang turned on me. Beat me shitless and was about to kill me before I was able to fight back, but not without a little help.” He smirked as he pulled his shirt back down. “Dogshit came out of nowhere it seemed, beat them off me and dragged me into a car. He got me the hell out of there.”

Ayame's eyes were wide. “He saved you?”

“Yeah, which means I owe the bastard one.” He chuckled coldly. “It was through InuYasha I met Miroku. The pervert let me move in with him, got me a job at the depot he worked at, doing shipping. I make shit all, but at least I'm off the street. Got myself cleaned up, and we made a band.”

Kouga looked down into her bright innocent eyes and he smiled. “We auditioned for a kick ass drummer, who saved our asses one night by bringing in a beautiful redhead who had the voice of an angel and a heart of gold.”

Ayame held her breath as she studied him with timid eyes and an anxious biting of her lower lip. Tears streamed freely down her face as she let her inhibitions go. She released her breath and cast her gaze down to her hands. “Oh, Ko. How can you believe there is no God?”

He looked at her blankly.

She sighed and looked up. “God is the strength within us all. It is our will to live and our hope that the next day will be better. I think God was with you at every moment of your life, helping you to survive. I believe there is a reason for everything, and I believe God has something great destined for you if you had to endure all that.”

Kouga just shut his eyes and shook his head. “I'm sorry, Ayame. The life I had, I can't accept faith just like that. I can't believe like you do.”

“I know, and it's okay. I'm not asking you to.” She took his hand. “I'm saying that I believe. I believe God was with you, helping you to get through each day. I know it was Him, because you're here now. No one would have made it through without that kind of strength and hope within them. And I know you are a good man because of it.”

His eyes shot up to meet hers in disbelief. “What?”

Her green eyes searched his face intently and she smiled softly. “Kouga. You are good and you are brave, no matter what anyone tells you.”

His breath seemed to hitch as he watched her intently. He shook his head in dejection. “How can you tell me God was with me? How can you say I'm a good man? From everything that I heard, God would never forgive me for what I did. I'm already condemned to hell….”

Ayame lifted her cool hand to his flushed cheek. “Do you think God is so small?”

His brow creased in puzzlement.

“A parent can forgive their child anything. Because they know their child, they know what's in their child's heart. Or at least have hope for their child. Do you think God is any less different? God knows our hearts, for He is our heart. He is the good in our heart that wants better than what we have. God is no more than one word. Love. And from love comes everything that makes life worth living, even when we live in a world as dark as ours.

“And there are times we will go wrong, and things will be bleak. And we will pray the hardest for redemption. Those that do have love left during these times repent any bad they have done. They ask for forgiveness, not for themselves so they can cast away their guilt assuming they are forgiven because they asked for it, but ask because they truly wish that those they have wronged will not be cast into the shadow with him. God… Love… forgives those who want to be forgiven, who truly do regret, because He knows what the heart wants. The heart wants to be saved from the hell it feels.”

Kouga shook his head and opened his mouth to respond but Ayame cut him off.

“Hell is not fire and brimstone. It is not some place we are condemned to go because our actions were less than perfect. Hell is real and it's also within us. If God is in us in the form of love and humanity, then Hell is the opposite. But it isn't hate. It is indifference and apathy. Hell is void of any compassion and mercy. Hell regards no one, for everyone is equal, and no one is worth anything. And it is from indifference that hatred, anger, jealousy and fear come from. Think about it. How does anyone feel when someone treats them like they aren't worth a damn? It casts them into the darkness of vengeance and hate, spiralling others they have wronged into the same darkness - into the void of indifference, into Hell. How easy it is to hurt someone when you don't care they are hurt. How easy it is to hide the pain behind unfeeling. People think it is a strength to be cold, heartless and unbreakable. But all they are creating is Hell, hurting others in their wake.

“Those that do wrong without guilt or remorse could never feel God, because they have no love in them. How can anyone ask for forgiveness, when they feel they have nothing to be forgiven for? When all they will do is continue hunting down others in their path to redeem what they have lost… their hearts.” Ayame smiled softly. “Why do you think we call these people heartless?”

Kouga looked at her stunned.

“You have a heart, Kouga. You regret. You regret that child was there. Yet you let him go. Any other person in your gang would have killed him, but you didn't. Why?”

He shook his head and looked down. “I don't know.”

“I do.” Ayame stated softly. “You chose not to kill him because you still have compassion for others. You still had hope. You chose to save one life because you didn't feel it was right to kill him. But you didn't know what would happen. It wasn't your fault for what did happen.”

He shot his eyes up at her. “What?”

“It wasn't your fault, Kouga.” Ayame sighed gently. “Life is made up of free will. We are given choices each and every moment. You chose to let the boy go. You chose not to kill one more person in hopes that someone would be safe, even if it wasn't you. It was the boy that chose to come back, and it was his actions that killed your friend.”

“But it was my responsibility….”

Ayame shook her head. “It was your responsibility to protect, but who is to say you didn't? Was that child any less important then a member of your gang? You protected that boy. What was going through your head when you did?”

“I….” Kouga looked distant. “I was thinking he didn't belong there. He looked so scared. I just wanted him to go home. All I could think was that nothing could have been as bad as this. I just wanted him to not end up like me.”

“You wanted him to be safe?”

Kouga nodded. “He didn't belong there. No one belongs there.”

“You didn't want to be there?”

“I wanted a normal life.”

“You wanted a good life?”

Kouga nodded. “Yeah. I wanted what I could never have. A home, a wife, kids, maybe a dog…. Hell, I wanted a mortgage, a car, a white picket fence and laundry on the line….”

Ayame smiled. “Sounds nice.”

“Yeah….”

Ayame was silent for a while. “You feel like you betrayed your gang because you wanted that life, and not to be on the streets anymore?”

Kouga blinked slowly and sighed. “I felt guilty because it was what I wanted, not what I deserved. That kid was still an innocent. He could still have what I couldn't. And it was that hope that cost me my gang, hell, almost cost me my life. I deserve to die on the street just like my friend did.”

A soft hand cupped his cheek and he turned to look into loving green eyes.

“A good man doesn't deserve to die on the street. And you are good, Ko, and you are very much loved. You will always have a family here.”

Kouga could only stare into those beautiful eyes. These people around him now, they amazed him to no end. They each suffered tragedy yet all he could hear around him was happy laughter. And this woman… this woman before him had listened to every word he said, and she still stayed. She didn't look at him like the killer that he was, or the sinner he condemned himself to be. Her eyes still glowed for him, but now were so much richer and deeper. For some reason he trusted her. And looking into those eyes, he could see she trusted him.

His mouth opened slightly but no words would form. He knew she also faced hardship. He knew she lost her family in the war. And though her family was gone, this girl, this woman remained to become the vibrant flame he so wanted to kindle. He could never do anything to hurt her. If anything, he would do everything in his power to make sure she still shined like the jewel she was. And he wanted nothing more at that moment but to be here with her for as long as possible.

He breathed in shakily. “Ayame?”

She stroked his face tenderly and smiled so tranquilly at him. “You are a good man, Kouga, and you deserve everything a good man could want.”

He searched her eyes and tentatively leaned towards her. She complied, capturing his lips in a bittersweet kiss. And for the first time in his life, he felt safe. He felt Love.

A/N: Whew, long one. Just wanted to say I put up another picture for the fiction. Can be seen here: http/fa. media miner. org/ 72/ 190772. jpg

Thank you to all those who have reviewed. You are my encouragement and inspiration.

Cheers and God Bless. WDW