InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Demons Within Us ❯ Touched ( Chapter 15 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

InuYasha glared hatefully at the transit bus in front of him then to the man beside him. “Why the fuck did you book us on a bus? The damn train would have gotten us to Tokyo faster.”

“Because, you ingrate, the bus terminal is near your hotel for one. Secondly, it is able to carry all of your equipment with you for security purposes. And lastly, it is phenomenally cheaper than the train.” Sesshomaru watched as the rest of the band members placed their instruments in the travel bay without complaint. He shifted slightly in discomfort.

It was a muggy Wednesday night and he was standing at a noisy bus terminal in an Armani suit at quarter to midnight to make sure that Perdition got off safely to the second competition in Tokyo. He even managed to book a whole bus for the band, but leave it for his little brother to whine.

“But it's a ten hour trip!” The silver haired singer griped and crossed his arms while he watched Kagome bend over to place her duffle bag in with the equipment. A dark brow lifted slightly in interest as her round ass wiggled slightly to push the heavy bag in.

Sesshomaru pursed his lips as he watched the girl as well, an unrecognizable gleam in his eye. “Eight hours, and it is an overnight trip so it saves me for paying for your accommodations tonight.”

InuYasha looked up at the dark clouded sky and groaned. Sleeping on the bus was going to be so damned uncomfortable. He hated to think about how he'd feel come tomorrow during their rehearsal. “So is that it? The reason why you can't get us there in comfort and class is because you don't want to cough up the gold?”

Sesshomaru growled. “If you want me to go over the finances that Perdition costs me in the run of a month, I'd be glad to show you. And if you want speed and style, you can very well pay for your own ticket to Tokyo. The meagre allowance the Contest Coordinator assigned for this trip barely covered a seat for each of you, so be grateful you're not sharing transportation with your competition.”

InuYasha shut up quickly about it before he turned his cold eyes to glare at his older brother once more. “Yeah, well, what about you? You're not going with us? Think there's no point because we're going to fail?”

Sesshomaru seemed to tense more than usual though he gave no indication he was angry. “I will be there tomorrow afternoon for your rehearsal. I have other priorities besides watching over adolescent behaviours.”

“Then you'd be missing a hell of a time.” Miroku grinned as he came up to them. He faltered when he saw both brothers scowl at him and he nervously thumbed over his shoulder towards the bus. “Well, we're all packed and ready to go. I'll, ah, get on the bus now.” With that, he turned and jogged back to the band in a hasty retreat.

Sesshomaru watched as the others climbed eagerly onto the bus, laughing and joking all the while. He smirked. “Your chariot awaits, little brother.”

InuYasha sighed dourly as he again gave the bus the evil eye. “Fine. But I still say the train would have been better.”

Sesshomaru looked at his watch in annoyance. “Shouldn't you be going?”

“Keh. Yeah, whatever.” The young man walked begrudgingly to the bus and hopped on, grumbling all the while.

Sesshomaru shook his head as he watched him go. “Good luck, InuYasha.” He murmured as the doors shut.

InuYasha moaned as he looked around the bus. It looked even smaller on the inside. Several rows of plush seats lined the interior and a small bathroom was built in the back.

Yeah, this was comfortable. He rolled his eyes before giving the driver a quick nod to let them know they were ready to go.

Stepping along the aisle he saw that everybody claimed their own row. Kagome settled near the middle and Sango sat across from her, while Miroku and Kouga had set up behind them. Kagome and Sango were laughing over something Kouga said while Miroku leaned over his girlfriend's seat to retort. They all seemed to be relaxed and enjoying themselves and yet he felt like the odd man out. He frowned slightly as he approached them.

Suddenly, the bus turned quickly out of the terminal and the shift made him lose his balance to stumble into Kagome's row. She quickly shifted her legs from the seats she had them rested on and smiled up at him. “Have a seat, InuYasha.”

He gave her a dark glance before he stood back up in the aisle. “No.”

Without a second look he stumbled to the back of the bus and collapsed in the last row, his body hidden from the rest of them.

Kagome cast her eyes questionably to Sango and Miroku, not being able to see Kouga since he sat in the row behind her.

Sango just shrugged while Miroku cast an annoyed glace to the back of the bus. He knew InuYasha was attracted to the girl, but did he still have to act so hateful towards her? He began to wonder if setting them up was a good idea, let alone possible. An awkward silence permeated around the cabin.

Miroku sighed in resolution before he looked back to Kagome and waggled his eyebrows at her chest. “One boob says to the other boob, `we'd better find support soon or people will think we're nuts.'”

Kagome looked up at him stunned before her laughter erupted over the whole bus. Kouga snickered and shook his head before he flipped open his cell phone to call Ayame. Miroku just smirked and ducked back to his seat when Sango whipped her travel pillow at him. Sometimes being a pervert had its benefits.

They chatted idly for an hour or so before Sango grimaced and clutched her stomach.

“Fuck, I'm starved. Babes, hand over the chips in my bag, will ya?” She called through her seat to Miroku behind her.

“Oh!” Kagome sat up quickly from her makeshift bed. She tossed her coat off her legs as she searched inside her large yellow book bag on the floor beside her. “I made travel lunches for everyone. I forgot I had them.”

Sango blinked at her in disbelief. “Are you serious?” She smiled widely as Kagome handed her a paper bag stuffed with various food. “Shit, girl, you didn't have to go through so much trouble.”

Kagome shrugged and grinned as she handed lunch bags to Miroku and Kouga. “It's just fruit, ramen, and tempura veggies. There wasn't any work to it really. Besides, the kids helped make them. It was their way of saying good luck.”

Sango beamed as she opened up the bag and sniffed. “Oh man, I so love you right now.”

Kagome laughed. “And to think I didn't have to grope you to get your affections.”

Miroku grinned from his seat, his mouth already filled with tempura. “Bah, you did it the easy way.”

Sango just rolled her eyes and snapped her chopsticks open to eat her ramen. She hummed in pleasure when the tasty noodles hit her tongue. “I don't know, Miro, you just may have competition.”

“I was about to say the same thing.” Miroku said, with his mouth still full, and gave Kagome a wink.

“It's really good, Kags.” Kouga grinned, dipping into his own lunch. “Thanks, babe.”

Miroku and Sango lifted their chopsticks in thanks, their mouths too full to tell her with speech.

Kagome giggled and looked back into her bag to see two more lunches. Sighing softly she reached in to retrieve them and stood. Her eyes drifted to the back of the bus to see two black booted feet sticking out into the aisle. She hoped he wasn't sleeping. She really didn't want to disturb him if he wanted to be alone.

As she walked softly to the back of the bus, she was unaware as three sets of eyes watched her go with avid interest. Reaching the last row she smiled softly, relieved when she saw that InuYasha was fully awake, listening to his mp3 player and reading a biker magazine. His head was resting on his jacket against the window and his muscular body lay relaxed along the three seats he took up. He didn't seem to notice she was there, that or he didn't care.

Tapping lightly on his shoe beside her, she smiled when he bent the side of the magazine and looked up at her in slight surprise.

He pulled his earpieces from his ears and eyed her warily. “What?”

Kagome lifted a brown paper bag in front of her and flushed softly. “I brought you something to eat.”

“Keh. Fuck off. I'm not hungry.” He lifted the magazine back up to his face.

Kagome frowned slightly and lifted an eye when his stomach growled loudly. He responded by lifting the magazine higher, blocking her off entirely from seeing his face.

Biting off a knowing grin, she moved to the seats in front of him and sat comfortably against the window. She stretched her legs out across the chairs and easily mimicked his pose. Opening up one bag, she lifted out the container holding the ramen and sighed contentedly as its smell wafted up around her.

InuYasha was staring hard at the page in front of him, not even seeing the picture of the scantily clad woman straddling a blue cruiser. His body was still tense from seeing Kagome standing there, and he was trying everything in his power to kill the butterflies he felt in his chest and stomach.

He wasn't surprised that she came up to him. It was inevitable she would find someway to break his peace. But what had set him off was the fact she brought him food. That kind gesture was enough to double the ache he had been fighting since he realized he liked the damn girl. Even though he was hungry, he wasn't about to let her get near him. Not until he could deny these damn urges he had when she was around. All he had to do was center on how much she would fuck up his life if he ever let her get too close.

Softly, the enticing smell of ramen hit his nose and his mouth stung sharply as it watered uncontrollably. He shut his eyes as he breathed in the delicious aroma. Where was it coming from? His eyes slowly opened to gaze at the seats in front of him. He could see Kagome's form extended along them through the cracks between the chairs. The sounds of soft slurping as she ate made his stomach growl more ferociously as he realized the source of all his wants.

Grumbling loudly, he sat up quickly and tossed his magazine to the floor in a temper. He pushed angrily at one of her chairs.

“Hey! Do you have to eat that there?” He sniped.

Soft rustling was heard as she gathered all of the food and stood up into the aisle, only to for her come collapse next to him. She shoved a large paper bag in front of him, which he automatically accepted with a look of slight shock that she had the audacity to come sit next to him without his permission.

Gazing dumbly down at the bag in his hand, he immediately glowered and thrust it back at her. “I don't want….”

“Take it.” Her soft voice simply stated, not bothering to look at him as she ate the rest of her ramen.

InuYasha seethed inwardly at being told what to do as he glared hard at the bag in his hand. He was about to argue before her soft sigh tingled across his hearing. He lifted his golden eyes to meet her softly smiling face and he frowned sourly as the butterflies tripled in his stomach.

“Take it, it's yours.” She said and pointed to the bag with her chopsticks. “See, it has your name on it.”

InuYasha looked down at the side of bag and could see the crayoned kanji of his name. Cute. Rolling his eyes in irritation, he tossed the bag in the seat by the window and glowered at the back of the chair in front of him, crossing his arms in a huff. Why did she have to be so damn thoughtful all the time?

“If you don't want it, I could give it to the driver. He might be hungry.” Kagome stated simply.

InuYasha clenched his jaw hard as an overwhelming possessiveness overcame him. There was no way in hell he was giving anything to anybody, especially since she gave the lunch to him. But he wasn't about to give her the satisfaction of eating it there in front of her. Before he had the chance to tell her to leave him alone, the scent of ramen hit him doubly as she ate contentedly beside him.

Gazing at the delicious dish from the corner of his eye, he slowly reached for his own bag beside him and opened it. His brow lifted slightly at the assortment of food she had prepared and he reached in for his own container of ramen. He may have resented the fact she did all this, but he wasn't about to let good food go to waste. Especially since he hadn't eaten this good in a long time.

InuYasha practically inhaled the ramen, never having the noodle dish taste so delicious. It was his favourite meal, namely because it was the best thing he could make. Fuck, it was the only thing he could make. But the dish in front of him had him drinking back the bowl within seconds.

A soft chuckle whispered beside him and he looked at the raven-haired girl from the corner of his eye, unable to look at her fully since the container was lifted over his mouth and nose as he sucked at the remaining noodles and broth.

Swallowing the remnants of his ramen, he tossed the container into the bag and brought out the tempura. “What's so funny?”

“You.” Kagome smiled. “That's the fastest I've ever seen anyone eat my cooking. The only other person who loves my ramen that much is Shippou.”

`Shippou?' Jealousy surged deep to the core before the name registered. `Oh, right. One of the brats she took care of at the orphanage.' He frowned deeply that she compared him to a damn kid but it faded when she handed him a bottle of water.

“Here. Sorry it's a bit warm.” She grinned sheepishly.

He sighed in defeat as he took the water and put it between his legs to hold onto. His stomach twisted slightly as he again gazed down at the bag in front of him. She went out her way to do all this for him, for all of them, since he knew she probably had given lunches to the entire band. Her selflessness was unparalleled and it amazed him how she did this endlessly. How was it possible for one person to be so good?

“Why do act this way?” He stated unconsciously as he bit into a piece of tempura.

“Act what way?” Her blue eyes gazed over at him intently, giving him all of her attention. He liked that about her too. He liked the fact that no matter what someone had to say to her, she gave that person her undivided attention, as if they were the most important person to her at that time.

He frowned darkly as he chewed, thinking about the girl's actions since he had met her. His temper flared as his resentment rose up. “Always so damn perfect. You know, nice and shit all the fucking time. Why do you do it?”

Kagome looked confused, her head tilted prettily as she watched him eat. “Why does anyone act in any way? I do what I do because I want to.”

He flicked his eyes up at her then back down to his tempura. Growling angrily he dropped the remainder of his food into the bag and tossed the bag to the seat beside him. His amber eyes glared crossly at her innocent expression. “There has to be a fucking reason. Don't you ever get angry, or sad or anything? Why are you fucking good and happy all the damn time?”

Kagome's eyes drifted down to the floor and her expression grew distant. She hesitantly smiled in thought. “I never thought of myself as being good, or happy. I just behave the way that feels right. There is a time for every emotion.” She looked up at him, her eyes soft and gentle. “I guess when it comes down to it, I ask myself, `what does this time call for?' Do I mourn, give up, or be silent? Or do I rejoice, love and fight for a new day? You just happen to catch me on days where I decide that the time calls for me to smile.”

InuYasha shook his head. “Emotions don't work that way. If something pisses you off, you get angry, if something makes you laugh, you smile. You can't just control how you feel.” He fell silent then, realizing that's exactly what he was trying to do since he met her. He crossed his arms and glared over at the blackness outside his window.

“You're right.” Kagome said softly.

InuYasha slowly drifted his gaze back at her, unnerved that she just contradicted herself.

She smiled slightly. “Emotions are impulsive, wonderful things. But they do not need to control how we act. Humans are the only ones that fight their emotions. We strive to conquer our fears, grow from our injustices and understand our own limits. We learn from our mistakes because of the emotions we feel, and from it learn how to control those emotions.” She shrugged. “I just learned that being the way I am makes things a lot easier.”

InuYasha sighed as he leaned heavily against the back of his chair. “Doesn't it make you tired? Being like this all the time? How can you say it's easy?”

Kagome looked down. “I said it makes things a lot easier.” She looked up at him with deep fathomless eyes. “I never said it was easy.”

He searched her eyes, his own becoming contemplative as he tried to comprehend her meaning. “Then why do you do it?”

A hint of sad smile filtered across her face and she looked away. “Because I have to.” She sighed as she gathered up her garbage and stood. She smiled softly down at him. “Goodnight, InuYasha.”

He watched dumbly as she moved back to the middle of the bus and disappeared behind her seats. What did she mean she had to? No one had to do anything if they didn't want to. So why did she feel like she had to be the way she was all the time?

It makes things a lot easier, but not necessarily easy.

He frowned. If that were true, then who was it easier for?

He tossed the used lunch bag on the floor and lay back down on the chairs. Staring up at the beige ceiling distractedly, he pondered her words. She was so naturally easy going, relaxed and kind. It was hard to think she could be anything else, and yet she stated she made it a choice to be that way. But if not for herself, then who?

He scowled slightly as he heard his friends talk softly to one another, laughing quietly, and being content. It still made him jealous that they grew so close and easygoing. He had never seen them act that way until she showed up.

Then it dawned on him.

That was the reason why she was the way she was. She did it for them, not just his band, but for all those around her. She smiled when things looked dark, she laughed when times were stagnant, and she did it all for what?

`Hope.' A voice inside him whispered. He shook his head swiftly, trying to fight it, but it couldn't be denied. She gave them hope that no matter how bad the day seemed, it would get better.

And that was why he resented her so much. He had no need of hope and faith and all that other bullshit. Life dealt him a shitty blow, and it would always give him the shitty blow. Her making them think things would get better was a wasted effort. When times got tough, hope wasn't going to fix it. You fought tooth and nail until you rose above it, even if you had to sacrifice your soul to get through. That's what made you stronger, by destroying what made you weak. Hope was made up by the weak and worthless, and it wasn't worth a damn.

He closed his eyes; grimacing at the chills the idea gave him. She was a good kid, but her method was flawed. Being a loving, hopeful person didn't mean that one day the whole world would change. Things didn't work that way. The world would continue moving forward, trying to better the next person in its pursuit to be won. And he would be one of those who would win.

But for some reason, the very thought made him feel hollow and heavy as he fell into a restless sleep.

-+-

Kagome yawned heavily as she stepped out of the dressing room she shared with the various women who were competing in the second battle. It was a bit unnerving seeing them all, and even more upsetting the behaviour some of these girls had. She was sure Sango was going to punch some punk girl in the face before she realized the time and managed to drag her friend out of the dressing room.

“Why didn't you let me hit her? She can't sing with a broken jaw.” Sango fumed as she eyed the dressing room door hatefully.

Kagome just shook her head and sighed. They were again dressed in their trademark leather ensemble and dark make up, with good cause. It gave her an excuse to hide the dark circles she had under her eyes. Man, she was tired. The bus was bumpy, cramped and stuffy, and it was a bad night's sleep all around. They got into Tokyo at seven that morning, stopped over to the stadium to drop off their equipment by nine and crawled into their hotel rooms at eleven. It only gave them three hours to grab a quick catnap and book it back over to the stadium for their rehearsal at four.

“That bitch better learn to watch her mouth or some lucky person will bash her face in.” Sango growled, breaking Kagome from her tired state.

“Just because she was a witch doesn't mean you need to be, San. Besides, you'd hurt your hand and where will that leave us?” Kagome smiled slightly as they walked up to the stadium's theatre.

Sango smirked. “Yeah. I would have hit her hard enough to do that, too.”

“Trouble in paradise, my love?” Miroku appeared beside them, casting a loving arm around his girlfriend. He was dressed in a dark tank top and cargo pants, and his hair was teased wildly. Kagome could never get enough of how great the guys looked in those clothes.

“Nothing that I can't handle.” Sango lifted her head proudly. “Just a punk ass bitch thinking she's all that. I'd just thought I'd tell her different.”

“Glad you didn't though.” Kouga walked up beside Kagome, donned in the same clothing as Miroku. “It would have been a bad idea to start a fight in the dressing room so close to the rehearsal.”

Kagome looked up at him proudly. “That's right! I was worried she'd get hurt, let alone get us kicked out of the competition.”

“Pfft.” Kouga grinned. “I was just worried I'd miss the damn thing.”

“Ko!” Kagome's mouth dropped.

“What?” He looked down at her questionably, though a bright twinkle echoed in his eye. “Every guy knows that when chicks fight it means that they are bound to kiss along the line. I wasn't about to miss that!”

“It's true.” Miroku nodded his head knowingly. “The potential for lesbian love should never be without male supervision.”

Sango slapped his arm. “Miro!”

“Ow!” He laughed. “What did I say?”

Sango fought off a laugh. “One, to think a fight will end up with me fucking that bitch, and two, that you had no regard for my safety!”

Miroku shrugged and grabbed her close to him. “Your safety wouldn't even come into question, my darling. I know you would have kicked her ass.” He kissed the top of her head lovingly.

“Oh, Miro.” Sango sighed happily into his chest.

Kagome lifted a brow at the display and looked up at Kouga as if to ask if they were for real. He just rolled his eyes.

Shaking her head, she let out a soft chuckle and looked around. “Where's InuYasha?”

Miroku eyed Kouga disapprovingly and quickly let go of Sango. “He got tied up, but he'll be here in a few.”

Sango looked up at Miroku knowingly before a dark frown pursed her lips. She gazed angrily out at the stage as the crew set up their instruments. “I can't believe that fucking jackass would dare to come out here like that.”

“Like what?” Kagome looked out at the stage, wondering what she was talking about.

Sango faltered slightly as she looked at Kouga and then at Miroku, struggling to find something to say. The last thing she wanted was for Kagome to know that InuYasha was getting himself high before their rehearsal.

“I believe she may be referring to me.” A smooth voice filtered over the stage.

Kagome cast her eyes over at their manager as he walked down the aisle of the stadium towards them. She smiled brightly. “Sesshomaru! You made it.”

“Indeed.” Sesshomaru smiled slightly back at her. “I do have an investment to look after.”

Kagome took in his khaki pants and black polo shirt. His long silver hair cascaded freely down his back and his light golden eyes seemed bright as he regarded the set. It was the first time she'd seen him dress casual and she liked how he looked. She shook herself from her reverie. “How's Rin? Did you bring her?”

He shook his head. “No. She is at home with a cold. My assistant, Jaken, is caring for her while I am here.”

Kagome frowned slightly in sympathy. “Oh. I hope she feels better. I wanted to meet her.”

“You shall.” He flicked his eyes quickly around the stunned band that were watching them mutely before landing them softly on Kagome. “We will be attending your party on Saturday after all.”

“That's right.” She smiled prettily. “So you're definitely coming?”

Sesshomaru's eyes flashed behind her suddenly and he smirked. “It's a date.”

A low growl emitted behind her and Kagome turned around to see InuYasha eyeing her darkly. Her blue eyes widened and her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him. He was dressed completely in black, his cargo pants and tank looking immaculate against his pristine white hair. But what set her on edge were his eyes. His pupils were in pinpricks and gold took over before it was cast into red around the edges. His hair hung in ragged strands around his face and chest, and his bangs hung low over his brow. She thought he looked ready to kill before he turned his face furiously away and actively ignored her.

Kagome looked back at Sesshomaru but he was already instructing the crew on stage where to position the equipment. His voice was harsh and to the point as he went, and Kagome could easily see he was angry over something. Casting her eyes back at her band, she saw that they were already positioning themselves on the stage, looking very somber.

She sighed and moved reluctantly to the drums being set up in the back of the stage. She smiled softly at the men positioning her drums and pointed to where she wanted them put, chatting quietly with them as they worked. All the while, she could sense a dark presence burrowing into her back and was hesitant to look behind her. Reluctantly, she turned slightly to the front of the stage only to be caught in the heated gaze of InuYasha before he turned away dismissively. She bit her lower lip nervously. Nothing about him felt right. He seemed to be on edge and moved with a bitter fury across the stage. She wondered what had made him so angry to behave this way, and why everyone else had automatically fed off of this to become so unnerved.

Making sure the drums were in the proper place, she stepped over to InuYasha as he adjusted the mike stand in front of him. His back was tense and he moved with jerky motions, displaying the negative mood he was in. She cast her eyes over to the rest of the band, but they were busy with their own things, not really paying attention to anything else. Turning back to the frigid man before her, she let out a nervous breath and spoke.

“InuYasha?”

He stopped in mid-motion and turned his distain filled eyes upon her. He never bothered to speak as he raked in her body and scowled.

She almost felt like turning back around, but if something was bothering him, she wanted to help fix it. “Are you okay?”

“I'm fine.” He bit out. “Now, fuck off.” He turned his back on her, signalling he was done with whatever she wanted to say.

Kagome stepped back slightly and cast her gaze to the floor. “Okay. I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” She turned and headed back to the drums; oblivious to the dark knowing glances her band mates were giving the singer.

InuYasha grit his teeth so hard he could feel the blood pressure in his head throb. The nerve of that fucking girl to ask if he was alright. This after hearing she had a bloody date with his brother on Saturday night. What about the other fucker she was supposed to meet, the one Kouga was setting her up with? Could it be that it was Sesshomaru all along, or was she being pimped out? His heart trembled violently from the uncontrollable rage he felt, making his head feel light headed.

He stepped back slightly and breathed in deep, trying to fight the wooziness he felt. Fuck, he shouldn't have trusted that punk in the dressing room. Some fucking skater boy discretely offered some crack to ease people's nerves and he was stupid enough to take it without a hitch. He hadn't done anything serious in a few weeks, not since the fight he had with Kagome. He cringed slightly at the memory of seeing her flat out on the concrete after he pushed her. She never once mentioned it, but he could still feel the massive pang of guilt whenever he remembered it.

He swayed a little, feeling the dizziness swish through his body and a dull ringing echoed in his ears. Whatever that fucker gave him it was not clean. He knew his system was being fucked royally by whatever was circulating in him. He shut his eyes trying to fight off the effects.

He groaned slightly as a headache began to form. His eyes opened slightly and he could just make out Kagome sitting at the drums, listening intently as his asshole of a brother gave her pointers. He seethed as he watched them act so friendly and cheerful together. The stoic god and the perfect angel, sitting on their little cloud of security and purity, never to be touched by the likes of him.

Kagome turned then to look into his eyes, and deep concern was etched on her face as she gazed at him. He turned hatefully away.

She asked if he was okay. Hell no, he wasn't okay. He was pissed. What right did she have to see people? If he couldn't be with her, why should anyone else be given a chance? No one would be able to anyways. Angels don't date. They flap around and laugh at his mistakes and watch idly as he fucked up another chapter in his life. That's all she did, that's all she was there for. To watch him fuck up time and time again, and he was fucking up more and more ever since he met her.

His buzzing mind washed all sense from him and he closed his eyes painfully at the torment his thoughts were bringing him. Ever since she came into his life, he had been fighting her, trying to push her away, trying to mould her into something he would forever loath. But all she did was watch from her high pedestal, smiling down at him while he tried desperately to grab her to pull her down.

Fall down. Damn it, why the fuck won't she fall?

He wiped the sweat forming on his brow as his thoughts became jumbled and matted.

She was an untouchable, and from the moment he saw her he wanted to beat her down. If he could get her to fall, he would finally be able to touch her. She would no longer be so far from his reach. He could finally hold her, kiss her, and be with her for as long as he wanted.

But she would never fall. He gave up trying to break her, knowing she would lose her light in her decent. Her light was the only thing that gave him warmth in his dungeon. Instead he resigned himself to just watch her, like a prisoner following a sparrow from behind his iron bars. He craved her freedom and life, knowing he would never be blessed to share it.

Her laughter behind him caused a massive ache in his chest in yearning and betrayal. She could never be with him. She was too high up there with his goddamn brother. He didn't want her. He needed her. But he couldn't have her because she was surreal.

Savage heartbreak numbed his already cold core. He didn't need her; he didn't need any of them. He grimaced in pain as the ringing in his ears tripled and his thoughts roared through his heart like a freight train.

Listen to her smile, he thought, feel her warmth and light before it passed by him without notice or care. She wouldn't see that he was locked in a dark crevice reaching out for her. Instead he felt their scorn and distain. Fuck them. Let them laugh at him as he bled out his life. He didn't need them, he didn't want them, and he never would.

“InuYasha.”

He blinked heavily as he gazed blurrily over at Miroku.

His friend frowned. “Wake up, man, we're ready to go.”

InuYasha turned dumbly back towards his mike and gazed out at the stadium. Ready to go? Where? He couldn't get anywhere without her anyways. What was worth trying for, when all he had was nothing? He shook his head, trying to clear the muffled thoughts that would not stop pounding in his head. Nothing was making sense and he just wanted to lie down and die.

“InuYasha?” Miroku stepped over beside him.

“So self righteous.” InuYasha mumbled, and choked on a dry laugh before he gave Miroku a snide leer. “How about a little Chinese take out to get the edge off?”

Miroku sighed dejectedly at his friend. InuYasha was fucked out of his head more than he needed to be and he hoped no one would catch on that their singer was high. Turning to the band he nodded. “Chop Suey.”

Kagome glanced over at InuYasha, her blue eyes filled with anxious worry. InuYasha rarely sang that song, and she wasn't sure what was motivating him to do so now. This song was one of the few songs he forced himself to sing, and he only sang it when he wanted to torture himself for reasons she never knew. She just hoped whatever it was would be worth the resentment he harboured after the song was done.

Leaning his head against the mike, InuYasha sighed heavily. He cast his hand behind him heavily, signalling Kouga and Miroku to begin playing. They reluctantly strummed behind him, looking at each other with knowing frowns.

Kagome started playing quickly after, her eyes never leaving InuYasha's frame as he stood and stared numbly out at the stadium. She was glad the place was mostly empty and only the crew and stage people remained to set up for the competition tomorrow night. She knew it would not be good for anyone to see the state he was in.

Soon the music got heated and she watched as InuYasha stood up tall and proud, backing up from the mike, and glared hard into the darkness. No matter what was inside him, he knew how to perform, and he did it with reckless abandon. He fisted his hand before him as if beating his words to an invisible person.

Wake up, (Wake up)
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup,
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
Hide the scars to fade away the,
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
Here you go create another fable

You wanted to,
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup,
You wanted to,
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up,
You wanted to,
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table,
You wanted to,

InuYasha stepped lovingly up to the mike and cast his golden eyes innocently out at no one in particular in the stadium.

I don't think you trust,
In my self righteous suicide,
I cry when angels deserve to

Die

His voice screamed out over the auditorium, echoing over the empty seats and sending a chill through Kagome's body. She hated it when he sang this song. It was like he was singing his pain, and she could do nothing about it as he bled out the lyrics. Instead she beat her heart behind him, letting his voice control the tempo.

Wake up,
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup
Grab a brush and put a little,
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up
Hide the scars to fade away the,
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
Here you go create another fable

You wanted to,
Grab a brush and put on a little makeup,
You wanted to,
Hide the scars to fade away the shake up,
You wanted to,
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table,
You wanted to,

He sidled closer to the mike, stroking the stand tenderly. His eyes were cast down as he sang, before his head turned slightly and Kagome could see the expression on his face. It was the same cold indifference he had perfected long ago in a time she wished she were there to save him.

Well, I don't think you trust,
In my self righteous suicide,
I cry when angels deserve to die
In my self righteous suicide

I cry when angels deserve to die

He turned back to the mike and lifted his head high, shutting his eyes as if in torment and fisting his hands to his sides.

Father, Father, Father, Father,
Father, into your hands I commend my spirit,
Father, into your hands,

He slowly lifted his arms high beside him, as if in dire prayer, and Kagome choked on the pain she felt in her chest. His voice cried out for help, and yet he would never accept it.

Why have you forsaken me,
In your eyes forsaken me,
In your thoughts forsaken me,
In your heart forsaken, me oh,

He crossed his arms over his chest, and sang hard, his eyes still shut and his head still lifted to the sky, as if begging for something to give him any release.

Trust in my self righteous suicide,
I cry, when angels deserve to die,

His dark eyes suddenly cast over to Kagome in tired grief as he sang the words straight at her.

In my self righteous suicide,
I cry, when angels deserve to die.

Kagome felt her heart almost shatter at the hurt expression on his face before he pressed his hand to his forehead with a pained look and ran from the stage. She glanced quickly at her friends who seemed at as much a loss as she was before she stood to follow, but hesitated as a booming voice echoed over the sound system.

“Taisho! We're not done the set up for Perdition yet.” A surly man called down from the sound booth.

Sesshomaru just lifted his hand in acknowledgement from the front row seats before hopping deftly on the stage. His amber eyes flicked over at Kagome. “Go get him.”

“But….” Sango moved quickly from the keyboards to protest.

Sesshomaru glared coldly over at Sango. “You are needed here. Kagome will take care of it.”

Sango looked nervously over at Kagome and reluctantly nodded her head. Miroku and Kouga watched on in discomfort.

Kagome cast one last look at Sesshomaru before she trailed after InuYasha.

She made it to the passageway leading to the dressing rooms, unsure where to go from there. Did he go back to get changed? Did he leave?

Three guys came laughing out of the bathroom all wearing loose jeans and jerseys. Various metal ornaments swung from parts of their bodies as they headed towards the exit to go for a smoke.

“Man, that shit you gave him fucked him good.” A lanky guy stated, nudging his friend beside him.

“Heh. Yeah, the dude just snorted it without even thinking, man. I'm surprised he even made it in there.” The shortest of the three laughed.

“Fuck, I've never seen a man throw up so much.” The third snickered. “I hope he didn't get his pretty white hair dirty.”

All three busted laughing as they headed outdoors.

Kagome's eyes widened as she rushed towards the men's bathroom. The smell of bile assaulted her senses as she pushed the door open. Casting her gaze around the public bathroom, she was unnerved to find the place empty. Stepping into the room, she tilted her head to gaze under the stalls. Her heart flipped when she saw InuYasha's legs sprawled out underneath the middle stall.

Swiftly and silently she locked the door behind her. She knew he wouldn't want anyone to come in and see him like this. Cringing at the smell, she held her breath as she moved towards the stall where the singer sat prone and deathly quiet. She bit her lip in fear at the sight of him.

His face was deathly pale and his eyes were hidden behind thin red stained lids. Sweat trickled down his face and his breathing was heavy. His body lay limp against the blue wall of the small stall and she thought for sure he was unconscious. Kagome had to fist her hands hard to keep herself from running over to him and holding him tightly. Instead, she moved to stand by the doorway of the stall, inadvertently casting her shadow over him.

Slowly, InuYasha's eyes opened and he looked up at her. He shut them again in pained denial. “Fuck, why are you here?” He rasped.

Shaking her head sadly, Kagome walked away. InuYasha felt his body shudder from the loss. He didn't want her to see him like this. He didn't want her to know what he did to make him get sick. And most of all he didn't want her to pity him for being so damned weak. He would have been thankful that she had left but a pitiful whimper left his lips when he thought she had.

Suddenly, Kagome was standing next to him once again. She leaned over his body and flushed the toilet, ridding the waste his body had expelled. She then knelt down beside him.

“Here.” She said softly, handing him a bottle of water.

He took it gratefully though his hand was weak and shook as he gripped the bottle. He gargled a few times and spit in the toilet to rid the sour taste in his mouth before swallowing a few gulps in dry thirst. He sighed miserably before he felt a cool damp cloth settle over his brow.

InuYasha looked up at her serious face in wary confusion. “Why…?”

Her blue eyes shifted from the cloth on his forehead to his pale yellow eyes. “Shh.” She hushed. “Shut your eyes and follow my voice.”

He automatically closed his eyes and listened to her speak softly next to him as she wiped the cold sweat from his face.

“Breathe soft, breathe slow.” She murmured. “Let your mind see darkness as you imagine your toes. Relax them and work your way up. Relax your legs and your thighs. Relax your hips and waist and chest. Slowly now, do it in breaths. Work all the way up to your head.”

He slowly felt his body shiver as he tried to ease his strained muscles. Everything felt like it was being pulled and it hurt to relax them. Suddenly he felt cool fingers stroke his thumb and the back of his hand in gentle and rhythmic sweeps. His mind found it so easy to center on the feeling of her touch that his body soon relaxed without him really being aware of it.

His mouth opened again as he whispered. “Why?”

Her voice was soft as she spoke to him. It held no pity, revulsion or anger. It was just sweet, loving and gentle. “Because it's what people do.”

“Hmn?” He frowned in confusion.

“Shh.” She whispered, and wiped his brow with the cool cloth, easing away the lines.

He shook his head slightly. “What do people do?” He asked in a pale voice and opened his eyes to look at her tiredly.

She smiled softly as she looked deep into his golden gaze. “We help each other.” She murmured.

InuYasha shut his eyes and grimaced. He lifted a shaky arm to brush his bangs from his face. “People don't do that. Only you do. What do you get out of it?” He opened his eyes to look at her in annoyance. “Don't tell me you have to because that's bullshit. You don't have to do shit all for anyone.”

Kagome sighed and searched his face lightly. “Would you have felt better if I never came in?”

He turned his eyes away quickly. He was hesitant to answer before he sighed despondently. “I'm just saying you didn't need to. I'm sure there are more important things you could be doing than cleaning me up.”

“InuYasha….”

He frowned and pulled his eyes back up to hers only to become lost in the sad tenderness they held.

“What kind of person would I be if I let someone I care about suffer?”

His eyes widened slightly. Care about? She cared for him? Yeah, well, who didn't she care about?

He looked down dejectedly. “I don't need you to pity me.”

Her soft hand caressed his face as she turned his attention back up to her. She brushed his bangs tenderly from his eyes and looked down at him in serenity. “You will never have to be pitied. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for, InuYasha.”

He shook his head spitefully, gazing over to the wall of the stall in front of him. “I'm not now.”

Kagome sighed. “It can't be helped you took a bad hit.”

InuYasha flashed his eyes up at her in shock. “I never….”

“InuYasha, why does everyone think they need to protect me from the truth?” She frowned and gazed at the wall he was staring at. “I may not know how or why, but I know what and when. I know that you're into drugs.” She looked over at him sadly. “But I never knew they could do this to you.”

He shut his mouth solemnly and avoided looking at her. “Keh. It's nothing.”

“If this is nothing, then I hope you never deal with it being something.” She gazed at him with a gentle smile. “But if you do, I'll be there to make sure you aren't alone.”

He slowly turned his face to look at her in slight awe. “So, you're not telling me to quit or smarten up?” He smirked harshly despite the sudden warmth he felt for her. “Doesn't God hate druggies and pot smokers?”

“Great thing about love is,” Kagome grinned, “it can never hate. I don't know who or what you think God is, InuYasha, but if you think it's something that can forsake you when you need it most, then it isn't God. Whatever it is, it's there for you during your weakest times, and it's there to share when you are strong. But no matter how strong you can become, by any means, there will always be something or someone to watch over you as you go, and catch you if you fall.”

The smirk slowly faded from his face as he gazed down to her tender lips. “Someone?” He husked softly.

She nodded. Her frail lips moved fluidly. “Yes.”

InuYasha held his breath for a moment as his mind tried to quell the hope he was feeling. The last thing he wanted was to feel this way, but in his weakened state, all he wanted at that moment was for her to make him feel better, to make him forget all the shit he had gone through. All he wanted to know right then, was for the one person who would watch over him be…. “You?”

Kagome's blue eyes grew deeper and more sincere, if it were at all possible, as she searched his face intently. She leaned closer to him and whispered honestly. “Always.”

Her breath washed warmly over his chilled face, making him shiver in comfort and anticipation. He watched as her sweet mouth moved like a zephyr wind towards him, like clear silk.

InuYasha slowly shut his eyes and awaited her kiss, but instead of his lips, her soft mouth pressed lovingly on his forehead. Yet he did not feel disappointed. His body trembled at the sensuous touch, never having remembered such tranquility and contentment in one subtle caress. Her soft scent enveloped him, smelling subtly sweet and fresh, calming him into deep comfort.

InuYasha could not contain the pained moan that escaped his lips as his body felt her pull away from the kiss, missing the contact already.

His sunset eyes opened to look up at her, and automatically his body hummed with warm electricity. Her presence made him feel light, and no words could be spoken to describe it. She watched him silently and he smirked tiredly, feeling the need to break the silence with humour.

“I feel like shit.”

“I know.” Kagome giggled. “They don't call it a crash for nothing.”

He shut his eyes miserably as he rubbed his stomach. “I'm never doing this again.”

“Maybe not.” She stroked his hand back and forth, running her fingers over his own, paying close attention to the soft skin between his thumb and forefinger. “Feel better?”

He nodded. “How did you learn to do that?”

“I've been caring for countless kids for years, you think this is the first time I've dealt with a tummy ache?”

InuYasha opened his eyes a crack to look at her wryly. “I wish it was just a tummy ache.” He eyed her silently for a few moments before looking down. His face contorted into a deep frown and his shoulders slumped. “I've never been good to you, yet you still treat me like a friend.” He murmured. “And… I'm sorry.”

Kagome looked at him stunned. “What for?”

He sighed deeply and shrugged. “Everything.”

Kagome chuckled. “Consider it forgotten.”

He shook his head. “No.” He looked up at her, his eyes filled with remorse. “I'm sorry… I'm sorry for pushing you… that time in the parking lot. I never meant to….”

She smiled kindly down at him. “I know. I wasn't hurt. I'm okay. And I want you to be okay too, alright?”

He nodded slightly, though his lips held the frown. He shifted uneasily, unsure how to apologize for everything he had done to her. But just like Kagome, there never was a need.

“Want me to take you back to the hotel?” She eyed him in concern.

“Can't.” He grimaced as he tried to move. “We have to finish the set up.”

Kagome shrugged. “They can handle it fine without you. It's not like you're doing anything strenuous like Lord of the Dance. Though it'd be pretty cool to see your legs flailing around as if they were detached from your body.”

InuYasha snorted a dry laugh as he let his lips form into a soft smirk. “Get me enough pot and I just might.”

Kagome giggled and stood. “Well, now I know why they call it dope, Dope.”

He lifted his head to look up at her. “I'll never stop being amazed about how you see things. Nothing will ever bring you down, will it?”

She shook her head slightly and shrugged. “Everyday is a hidden door. Sometimes you have to imagine light shining through the cracks in order to be able to open it.” She held her hand out to help him to stand.

He accepted it slowly, revelling in the soft feel of it and how small it felt in his own. Yet the strength it held as she lifted him up shocked him. He flicked his sweat-stained hair over his shoulder and groaned as he tried to gain back his equilibrium. He stumbled out from the stall and over to the sink to wash his face and hands.

Kagome waited patiently by the door and watched him. She was relieved the hit only made him sick. She knew how bad it could have been, having witnessed it many times from the children who have been released into rehab. She also knew she could not ask InuYasha to give up that lifestyle. The choice always began with the individual. It never helped when a second party forced the change. Healing began with him, and he had to decide when he wanted to let go of the past to embrace his future. The only thing she could do was encourage the part of him that wanted it. She leaned heavily on the wall by the door as she waited for him to finish.

InuYasha splashed cold water repeatedly on his face, trying to revive his senses. He still felt horrible, but at least he could finally put some logic in his thoughts. Man, he was never doing crack again. At least never taking it from a punk with a fake Rolex. What the hell was going on in his head? Not just the fact that he took the shit without any thought but the fact that he lost control. He lost the indifference he always held and let his jealousy claim him when he saw his brother flirt with Kagome. He knew it was most likely because of the drug, but he never felt this way before. Never did he admit his feelings, specifically because he never had those feelings before. Whenever he did drugs it was to feel something, anything, except the pain he felt. Instead they just made him numb, so much that he soon took them so he'd feel nothing at all.

But today broke that. He felt something, and he felt it with more intensity than he ever felt before. And sadly enough, he still felt it, even though the drug was slowly leaving his system.

He knew exactly what it was he was feeling. Jealousy and hurt. He didn't want Kagome to have another. He wanted her for himself. Yet even in his delusional state he knew he couldn't have her. He fed off of his fury and sang the one song that harboured more resentment in him than anything else. He most likely moved like a drunken man across the stage and he was shocked no one called him on it, though he guessed his brother and friends knew he was wasted. Instead of facing the music, he ran like a weak child to throw up his lunch, being laughed at all the while by the shitface that gave him the bad hit to begin with. He embarrassed himself and his band by his behaviour and he didn't know how to face them after this.

And then she came, like a twisted dream only he could have. He made a fool of himself and hated the fact she saw it. More importantly, he couldn't believe he just sat there and let her clean him up after treating her so horribly since the day they met. He felt like an idiot and a reject. There was no way she could ever want to be with him now, even if he did clean up his act.

Looking up at the mirror at his gaunt face, InuYasha was stunned to realize how sick he really was. His face was pale and he could see the green tracks of his veins beneath the skin. His eyes were red and blotchy not to mention his hair stringy and damp from perspiration. His body slumped in revulsion. How could she possibly want this? Why did he torture himself so much over something that was fucking him up more and more? For years his friends and brother had been ragging his case to get himself cleaned up, but he just told them to fuck off. It was his life, and he did what he wanted with it. No one could tell him how to act or where to go. It was his life and his rules. But looking at his face now, he realized it wasn't so much his life anymore. It was his nightmare. When did he let it get this bad? How did it start out with one joint and end up with remorse? How the hell could he get out of this?

Everyday to him was an empty promise, dark and dank as his very soul. There was no imagining a better moment and there was no hope that there was light behind the darkness. People like Kagome would never understand that. How could she? She had never known a past like his. She was always loved and given everything she could hope for. It was easy for her to spout clichés of silver linings and darkest before the dawns. She had never seen the blackness of the human soul.

How perfectly lovely for her. He glowered internally. Instead she would cast on her holy wings and golden halo to watch over him as he delved deeper into the darkness, because she would never know the truth as he saw it. There were no glory days. It was just pain and doubt, living for the sake of living. And he could not live on fruitless hope that there would be something wonderful out there for him. There was no hope. If only there was hope. If he could only hope….

He hung his head and murmured in defeat, breaking the silence that permeated in the men's bathroom. “What happens when there is no light at the end of the day?”

“Well.” Kagome stated softly as she handed him a paper towel to dry his face. “Then there is only one thing you can do.”

“Oh?” He wiped his face quickly and tossed the used towel in the trash beside the door before casting dull eyes upon her. “And what's that?”

Kagome looked up at him, her heavenly blue eyes delving deep in places inside him he never knew he had. “When you think you can't handle it, when everything feels like it will fail and you have nothing left to go on, believe. Believe that it is just a matter of getting through the toughest part of the day.” She held out her hand. “And knowing you are never alone.”

InuYasha lowered his eyes to her hand before he shook his head desolately. He reached his hand out and unlocked the door. “Seeing is a matter of believing.” He flicked his tired eyes over at her before he opened the door. “It's a miracle that anyone made it this far.”

He walked out without a second glance, not seeing the hidden smile of the woman who followed after.

Miracles happen everyday.

-+-

A/N: Chop Suey, performed by System of a Down. Whew, what a long chapter. I know, InuYasha's being a self loathing pain again, but healing doesn't come so easily. All good things come with time. Don't fret; he will get what he deserves soon enough, stay tuned to the next chapter.

Thank you to all those who have reviewed and all those who have read up to this point. I hope you continue to read and become caught up in this story as much as I have. And thank you to InuYashaloverr who made me laugh at the idea of Lord of the Dance. Love and peace to all of you. WDW.

I updated this chapter because I wrote it in haste before and just wanted to check over where I left off. I'm working on the next chapter now and I'm sorry I never posted in a long while. I just moved into a new province, new house, new job, and being without a computer and internet for a month sucks. But thanks to all who kept in touch and kept the faith for me to continue this story. I love you all.