InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Demons Within Us ❯ Shadow ( Chapter 16 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Kagome followed after InuYasha from the men's bathroom towards the stage area. They never spoke along the way and Kagome didn't bother to convince him to go back to the hotel. She knew he placed the band above his health and he was not about to desert them over his sudden sickness. She wondered if he was silently torturing himself for whatever reason. Deep down she felt this was exactly what he was doing.

She bit her lower lip while searching his tall frame, fighting the urge to ask him why he was pushing himself. But it would do no good to ask him. He fought back at any one who asked him of his actions. He always took it as a personal attack, and the last thing she would do was have him look at her as the enemy. If she was to help him, she had to remain on the sidelines.

She stopped short when InuYasha halted at the edge of the stairs that led to the stage. Cocking her head up towards the theatre she could hear the sound crew and Sesshomaru through the thick black curtains, as well as the odd word from their band. Her eyes drifted back to InuYasha in sad realization. He seemed uncomfortable at going up, no doubt wondering if someone would ask him questions he rather not answer. She softly moved to stand beside him and looked up towards the stage once more.

“You know your friends.” She stated quietly. “And they know you. Nothing needs to be said that you don't want to say.”

InuYasha flicked his guarded eyes down at her briefly before looking back up at the stage. With deft strides he jogged up the stairs without indication, leaving Kagome to slowly follow after. Silently, she moved along the back of the stage, not noticed by the crew as they continued on with what they were doing. No one seemed to care that they were back and no one questioned where they went. Sometimes feigning ignorance has its benefits, Kagome thought as she sat back at the drums.

She numbly listened as Sesshomaru barked orders and instructions to the crew, yet all the while she studied the singer as he nodded his head to the stage manager. He still looked terribly sick but he held it in stride as they finished their preparations for tomorrow's competition. He seemed at better ease at the fact that no one mentioned his absence, or his pale appearance. In fact, other than the manager, no one spoke to him at all. Her eyes drifted to Kouga and Miroku who both seemed to look agitated as they fidgeted with their strings. They had seen InuYasha like this before, she realized. They must have if they showed such constrained anger and no concern for their sick friend.

She frowned. If that were true, why did they allow this to keep going on? Did they just accept their friend's suffering and took it all in stride?

But seeing the helpless look on Sango's face when keyboardist peeked a glimpse at her silver haired friend, Kagome's anger broke. They were at a loss as much as she was. She knew well enough by now that no one could convince InuYasha of anything if he already had his mind set.

Kagome looked sadly down at her drums. What could she possibly say to him that he didn't already know? What could she ask of them that they had answers for? If they knew of anyway to help him, wouldn't they be doing it? What were they thinking about the whole situation? Did any of them know why he did this?

She lifted her eyes sorrowfully up at InuYasha. Did anyone know his pain?

Sango shifted uncomfortably behind her keyboard as she silently let go of the breath she had held when InuYasha and Kagome came back on the stage. She hadn't expected them to come back. Well, InuYasha would come back, he always did, but she never expected Kagome. But then again, why wouldn't she?

Sango quickly settled her gaze back to the stage crew and Sesshomaru, though her attention lay within. No one outside their close-knit group had ever actually seen InuYasha after a bad hit and Sesshomaru sending Kagome after him had her stomach clench in a tight twist. Would Kagome report them to the Commission once she found out InuYasha was high? Would she quit the band after having to deal with him? They all knew, or rather learned, personally to let him go when he was like this. Fuck, InuYasha gave Kouga a black eye once for intervening. If there was one thing for certain in this world, it was the fact that InuYasha never wanted help, especially at his weakest moment. How did he react when Kagome came for him?

Looking at Kagome on the sly, she could only see concern and longing on the young woman's face. Sango bit her lower lip. Of course Kagome would still care for InuYasha, but it impressed Sango that she came back on stage let alone still looked at the man with such heartfelt compassion. Did Kagome know what he did? What had happened between them?

She flicked her eyes to InuYasha and could see the hardened edge of his back. It was obvious something happened between them because something was different about his behaviour. Usually InuYasha came back in a massive temper, shouting orders and taking control, trying to gain back his grip. But now he stood and listened as his older brother gave him instruction and advice. Could it possibly be that Kagome had reached a part of him that none of them had ever been allowed? It was something she would have to watch for after they finished with their rehearsal.

Thankfully the preparations didn't last for much longer and they were quick to get back to the changing rooms and get dressed into their street clothes. Sango noticed how quickly InuYasha left the stage, not even glancing back or giving any indication that anything happened between him and Kagome. Maybe she was wrong? Maybe Kagome couldn't help him either. If that were true then what did Kagome say? What did she do? What will she do?

Sango was unusually quiet as they changed, all the while giving worried glances at Kagome as if begging the girl to stay quiet about the whole thing, and at the same time tell her what had happened between her and InuYasha. It continued until they were finally putting on their sneakers. Kagome tried hard to ignore the unease between them, but the longer she remained silent, the more Sango would fidget and stare.

Sighing tiredly from the anxious atmosphere her friend was emitting, Kagome looked up at Sango with serious eyes, setting the brown-eyed girl back in slight rebuke.

Kagome never looked like that before, and Sango hated that those rich eyes could carry such weight. Kagome knew. Sango felt her chest constrict in dread. She knew that InuYasha was high. Fuck! Oh god, what will she do now that she knows?

The keyboardist ducked her head back down as she adjusted her laces, feeling the terrible twist in her stomach double over at the thought of the consequences should Kagome rat them out. She knew the young woman cared for InuYasha, but did all of that change now that she had seen InuYasha for what he really was? As much as she loved InuYasha herself, Sango knew what he was, and she hated it. She could never forgive him for how weak he allowed himself to get. She had tried countless times to have him see reason, but she knew what he was trying to hide. She knew why he searched out every vice he could find, and she hated him all the more for it. She couldn't honestly blame him if he wanted to forget. It was the fact that he made himself into a goddamned hypocrite by doing it. Was his method any less horrific than the road she was willing to take to rid herself of the pain she felt? Yet she was saved from her torment. Was there anyone that could save him?

A small touch on her shoulder had her looking up into soft blue eyes in surprise.

“Everything's going to be okay.”

Sango searched Kagome's face quickly. The gravity was gone from her blue eyes, and they again twinkled with such soft kindness and certainty. Sango immediately eased.

Kagome smiled softly as she nodded towards the door.

“Ready to go? I bet InuYasha is trying to convince the guys to leave without us. I can hear his growling in the hallway.” She rolled her eyes jokingly.

Sango let a small smile settle on her lips, knowing completely then that Kagome could never betray their singer. She eyed the drummer in contemplation as Kagome turned and headed towards the exit with her large yellow bag on her shoulder. She was an amazing girl. With one look or word, things were given a different perspective. Kagome had reached Kouga, touched Miroku, and moved her. Did she have the power to change InuYasha?

Sango followed after her friend. There was only one way to know for sure. She just hoped that time was not against them.

-+-

InuYasha stepped solemnly into the hotel room he shared with Miroku and Kouga without a word or a glance. Kagome wondered if he was okay and felt the need to talk to him, but it was obvious he wanted to be alone.

Shortly after she and Sango settled into their room across the hall, Kouga and Miroku knocked on their door. Apparently InuYasha was not in the best of moods, nor in the best of health, so the men came over to order pizza and veg out watching television with the girls. Their mood was sorely dampened by the afternoon's events, not to mention they were still tired from their trip.

The evening was spent watching movies, news and comedy shows. Each just wanted to dull their minds and let the television drag their attention away from the matter at hand. No one had spoke the entire evening, not about anything relevant anyways, and each seemed trapped in his or her own little bubble. All but one that is.

Kagome eyed her friends in consternation as they each stared at the television with expressionless faces. Miroku and Sango were holding each other on one of the twin beds, while Kouga lay sprawled on the denim couch by the window talking quietly to Ayame on his cell. The air seemed thick with tension and she felt pained knowing that the one who needed the most attention at that moment was the one that was being ignored.

She let out a resigned breath as she reached for a few slices of pizza from its box on her bed and gathered them on a paper plate. No matter how anyone felt about it all, no one should forsake a friend, especially one in need. She stood up with the plate in hand and headed to the door. The walk felt like forever, especially since she could feel three sets of eyes boring into her back as she reached for the handle. She was grateful no one had asked her what she was doing, or tried to keep her from going, since she already felt she was stepping out of bounds with InuYasha enough as it was.

It was with timid trepidation that she finally stepped from her room into the carpeted hallway outside, quickly shutting the door behind her. She sighed in relief, but her stomach fluttered as she peered up at the door in front of her. She was hesitant to wake him if he was sleeping, especially if he was still sick, but she hated the fact that no one had gone to check on him to make sure he was all right. It was this internal struggle that had her standing alone outside his hotel room door, contemplating whether she should disturb him or not, but it was a wasted effort. As soon as she raised her hand to knock, the door to InuYasha's room opened widely.

She was shocked to see InuYasha dressed as if ready to go out, quickly taking in his jeans and zippered up leather jacket. Her eyes automatically rose to meet his when he looked up from the key card in his hand.

His golden eyes flashed wide in surprise before they glowered in shame as he looked away. He groaned under his breath. He had hoped everyone was busy elsewhere. The last thing he wanted tonight was to be questioned about how he was feeling or where he was going. And damn it all if those eyes of hers weren't asking him those very things when he stepped out of his room.

“What do you want?” He growled lowly as he shut the door behind him.

Kagome quickly realized she was staring and she pulled her eyes away from him to look down at the plate in her hand. She hastily held it out for him to see the pizza she had brought for him.

“I was about to bring you something to eat, but I guess there's no need since you're going out.” She pulled the plate back to her chest and smiled slightly down at it. “I thought you might have been sleeping so I was afraid to disturb you. But I'm happy you are up and feeling better.”

InuYasha glanced back at her before his eyes fell to the now discarded pizza. His stomach churned sourly from hunger and queasiness. He definitely wasn't planning on eating anything anytime soon until the toxins have left his system. But still, it was a kind gesture, one that was so purely Kagome. He grimaced slightly as he felt his heart begin to ache and he tried to tamper it down.

His eyes unconsciously drifted up to the soft tendrils of blue-black hair that dared to cover parts of her beautiful face. He fought the urge to sweep them away before he quickly turned his face to look down the hallway to the stairwell that led to his escape. God, did he have no control? Can't he even stand and talk to the damn girl without feeling like a damn teenager with a crush?

He shifted his hands into his pockets and shrugged. “I just needed to go out.”

She nodded and smiled softly up at him, flicking a few of the tendrils from her flushed cheeks. “Sounds like fun.”

She looked so much like a young girl in her hip hugger jeans and blue Super Girl t-shirt. Her hair was up in a messy bun and InuYasha could not remember a time she looked more endearing. He clenched his hands inside his pockets as he stifled a moan, aching so badly to fold his arms around her and for one moment not feel the torment he harboured. “Yup.”

“Sounds better than what we're doing.” She shrugged with a lopsided grin. “Pizza and television. We must seem so dull to you.”

InuYasha flicked his eyes at her room door behind her then to her flushed face. To be honest it sounded heavenly to him, especially the way he was feeling tonight, but he couldn't bring himself to look at his band right now. He needed time to think.

He let a small huff pass from his nose in a slight laugh. “Yeah, well. That's the hidden life of the rock star.”

Kagome laughed softly. Her voice sounded so clear and clean and sweet. It was so natural to watch her lips curve up and her face sparkle with life and happiness. How he wanted to sweep those lips into his own and taste the heavens only she could create.

“I got to go.” InuYasha stumbled quickly away from her towards the stairs, anxiously needing to escape her presence before he pulled her to him and never let go.

Kagome watched him leave in stunned silence before turning back to her door. She cast a saddened glance to his retreating back before he disappeared down the stairs.

She wanted to go with him. She wished she could. She wished he had asked if she'd join him to keep him company, but she knew she couldn't. She wouldn't be going out there to join him. She wanted to protect him and keep him safe from whatever could hurt him.

She mentally shook her head. As if she, the small innocent mouse he so often sneered at, could protect him. In her eyes, InuYasha was larger than life and took what he could get. She could only imagine how he saw her compared to what he was used to. There would never be any reason why he'd ask for her company, even if he wasn't already with Kikyo.

Her shoulders sagged at the thought of the cold woman. That was the type of woman he wanted. Kikyo provided him with the temporary highs he craved. If that was what he truly wanted then there was no way she could compete. She could never be that way for him, even if he did try to make her so. Or so she assumed.

Her mind drifted to his behaviour from a few weeks back. All those times he tried to kiss her burned deep to her core, making her involuntary shiver in terrified anticipation. Yet the one kiss they did share was nothing like her fears. It was entirely uninhibited emotion. It was raw, it was invading, it was powerful, and it was purely InuYasha. But that was before she knew of Kikyo. That was before the night she found him with her, since then he had avoided her.

Kagome mentally shook her head as she tried to deny the memory any more thought. He had every right to avoid her. She wasn't his girlfriend, and to him, she probably wasn't even his friend. Why else would he be running away from her all the time? But no matter what he thought of her, she would never forsake him. She just wished someday he would understand that, and maybe someday he would consider her a friend.

Silently, she went back into her room and tossed the pizza back in its box, not needing to tell anyone why. The rest of the evening passed without event, until the boys went back to their room along with Sango, while she spent a good portion of the night in the bathtub trying to douse away the long day.

It was close to midnight when she finally stepped out from the bathroom wrapped comfortably in a large white towel. Hot steam and berry scents followed her into the room as she sat on the edge of her bed to brush out her tangled wet hair. Her mind felt heavy with her thoughts as her eyes dumbly watched the flickering pictures on the television. She was so lost in her dazed state that she didn't even notice when Sango stepped quietly into the room.

The older girl watched silently as Kagome pulled the brush through the layers of her damp hair. Dark curls swayed heavily against her towel covered back before she pulled her hair over her shoulder to her front to pull at a nasty knot. It was then that Sango could just see the top ridges of the scars that would run the length of Kagome's back. Soft jagged arcs marred her shoulders before disappearing beneath the towel. Miroku told her the extent of what he saw, but she could never fully imagine it. Did they really cover her whole back like he said?

Sango gazed distractedly at Kagome's body for several seconds before the young girl giggled.

“Keep staring any harder, San, and I'll think you're testing your x-ray vision.”

Sango blinked in fright and quickly looked up at Kagome's laughing eyes. The woman flushed shyly and looked everywhere around the room before automatically settling her eyes on Kagome's back once more.

She immediately shut her eyes and quickly looked away. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to see it, I mean, I didn't know they were so… well Miroku said…. I mean he didn't tell me or anything….”

“Sango….” Kagome's resigned voice broke the poor girl's stuttering.

Sango looked guiltily up at her.

Kagome sighed and stood with her back to Sango. “It's okay. Here, they aren't as bad as they look.” With that she adjusted her towel to expose her lower back, revealing the jagged marks of her scars that flowed down its entire length.

Sango felt her breath hitch as her eyes stared numbly at the girl's body. “Kag…. I…. Fuck.”

Kagome looked over her shoulder with knowing eyes before looking back down and lifting the towel back up her body.

“Kagome?” Sango stepped up behind the girl and reached for her shoulder before pulling her hand back with uncertainty.

“Do I frighten you? Do I look different?”

Sango bit her lip and lowered her eyes to the floor, unsure of what to say. It was true looking at those scars made her feel repulsed and slightly ill, but frightened? She wasn't absolutely sure that was what she was feeling. She used to see Kagome as perfect and pretty, but those scars changed her in her mind's eye. Kagome was no longer the pinnacle of a war won. She was the symbol of a war fought. Sango wasn't sure how to react now that she actually saw them. Kagome did look different to her now, but it was difficult to say how.

“They are not who I am.” Kagome turned and looked sadly up at Sango. “They are a reminder….”

Sango lifted her eyes to meet vivid blue before Kagome looked dejectedly to the floor and sighed bitterly.

“How often do I want to forget… that the past is real.” She shut her eyes. “All around me are covered sorrows, and I find it kind of funny how easily people can hide the pain. It is how we protect ourselves.” She lifted her blue eyes to look out the window. Stars would litter the sky if the lights of the city didn't shut them out. “We live in shadow, Sango, waiting for the sun to come out and make us feel better, even if it's so fleeting. Yet even when it does shine, we are too busy to take notice… all except….” She gazed back to the woman behind her. “Do you remember your childhood, Sango?”

Sango looked taken back and her face seemed to pale some. “Y…yes.”

Kagome nodded and looked back out the window. “Things seemed so hard then. Everything seemed so unfair. I wanted nothing more than to grow up and not have anyone tell me what to do. I wanted nothing more than to sleep in, and play outside with my friends, and have a puppy if I wanted one. I felt that the most when I was in math class doing equations. Ulgh… I hated Math in school.”

A soft nervous laugh erupted at her side as Sango joined her by the window, trying to act as if everything was normal. “I was terrible with Literature. But I loved Gym.”

Kagome smiled. “Remember Saturday morning cartoons?”

“And marshmallow cereal?”

“Being able to stay up a half hour later past your bedtime….”

“Being tucked in….” Sango's voice drifted away from herself as her eyes began to burn.

“Memories before that one moment that changed our lives forever.” Kagome looked over at Sango with sad understanding. “We were never supposed to grow up so fast. And no one will ever take the blame of why we had to.”

Sango pulled her eyes from the window to stare at Kagome with hidden agony etched on her face. “We shouldn't talk about this.”

“No one ever does.” Kagome's eyes narrowed in anger before she looked back out the window. “And because of it, your strength comes from your weakness.”

Cinnamon eyes grew dark as Sango glared hard at the girl beside her. She was far from weak. How dare Kagome even suggest that? She had no idea the life she had to live and what she had to do to get by. She opened her mouth to retort but Kagome's soft voice silenced her.

“They built this city on top of the one we knew. They burned the bodies of those who died and put their names on a plaque that very few read. No one wants to talk about it, and no one knows how to react when they are reminded of it.” She looked at Sango with pain filled eyes. “Everyone has that moment they wished they never had to live. Now you know why I hide my scars.”

Sango bit back her resentment as she comprehended her words. She wasn't sure what to say about it, since she wasn't sure what Kagome was getting at.

Kagome sighed and looked down towards the streets. “They want it all to go away and pretend we never felt that one moment. They will go through their lives doing whatever they can to forget.” She reached her hand over her shoulder to rub a scar. “When they see this, they remember. When they see me, they grow resentful. Until they accept what happened, no one will accept these scars.”

Sango lowered her head in realization. Kagome was right. That is how she felt. Those scars marked an ugly memory on the girl, changing her into a ghost, a ghost of the past. And nothing was more terrifying than that.

“They are not who I am.” Kagome repeated. Her voice was soft and low. “They are a reminder.” She looked up at Sango. “But they are not my weakness. I remember that moment, and I see it everyday. I accepted what happened because there is nothing else I can do. And I am not afraid of who I have become because of it. I'm still me.”

Sango lifted her eyes to meet heavenly blue. She was so used to seeing happiness and serenity in those depths, but now they were filled with pleading for understanding and acceptance. She was just a girl. A world of bad memories should never change that.

Sango slowly pulled her eyes from the girl's face to her shoulders and back. She lifted her hand tentatively and traced her fingers down the smooth skin before it rose up into scar tissue. She slowly pulled the towel down to reveal Kagome's shoulder blades, tracing her fingers over each indent and groove. The more she touched them, the more interesting they became.

Kagome held her breath as she allowed Sango the exploration. She wasn't ashamed of her body, or of her scars, for they were apart of her. They were the cause of her pain and her power because they were of her past. Sango must have known how she got them if she had not yet asked. Yet sometimes hearing and seeing for one's self had to come hand in hand if it is to be believed and accepted.

Shyly, she removed the towel to just cover her front so Sango could see the extent of the old burns. They not only extended along her back, they also covered her rear and the back of her thighs, just stopping at the back of her knees.

Sango gasped at the sight. “I thought it was just your back. Miroku said he saw….”

Kagome smiled in spite of herself. “I only had my shirt off. He saw only my back.” Her voice grew soft. “I couldn't lift the timber that fell on top of me, so I had to crawl my way under it. It was so heavy, I could only move so far underneath it, so it burned almost the entire length of my body. My legs were small enough to pull out, so they weren't burned as badly.”

Sango drew her fingers away to search the entire length of Kagome's body. “How did you survive?”

“… I just did.” The raven-haired girl lowered her head as her words barely whispered past her lips.

Deep brown eyes lingered on the body before her. Her eyes roamed up and over the shoulders, then down towards the girl's waist, rear and legs. Miroku was right. They did look like wings. The more she looked, the less of the scars she saw. Kagome wasn't a ghost of the past. No, she was far from it, though still so very incorporeal. She had what she deserved. Wings…. Even though they joked about Kagome being an angel, these scars proved she was. Not because of how they looked, but how they made her what she was. If anything, they made Kagome more real to her than anyone she had ever known.

Sango reached out one more time and traced her fingers over the scars on Kagome's shoulder blades. “They're so soft and warm.”

Kagome shivered under the touch. “That's because your fingers are cold and calloused.”

Sango blinked as the anxious bubble around them broke and she busted laughing before she gently shoved the girl in front of her. “Get dressed, you nudist.”

Kagome giggled softly and wrapped the towel back around her self, glad that the tension was gone. She smiled happily back at Sango before searching her bag for her pyjamas.

The room quickly fell silent before Sango finally sighed. “I'm sorry, Kagome.”

The younger girl looked up with curious eyes. “Why?”

“That you have to hide your scars.” Sango dug in her bag for her overnight kit before looking back at Kagome. “All this while I thought you were hiding from me because I thought you were a bit of a prude.”

Kagome shrugged and pulled out a nightshirt. “Well, now you know.”

“You don't have to hide anything from me, you know. Not anymore.”

Kagome looked up with fathomless eyes. “I know.” She smiled slightly. “I won't.”

Sango stopped what she was doing and sighed once more in resolution. “Kagome?”

“Yeah?” The girl muffled through her nightshirt.

“What… happened today? With you and InuYasha?”

Kagome poked her head through her shirt and let out a heavy breath. “Nothing much. He got sick in the bathroom and I just helped clean him up.”

Sango scrutinized her for a moment. “InuYasha never lets anyone clean him up. What did you say?” What do you know?

Kagome tossed the covers on her bed and sat down on the cool mattress. She seemed lost in thought before she looked back at Sango. “Does it scare you, Sango?”

Sango looked taken aback. “What?”

“Does it scare you, what he has become?” Kagome asked quietly.

“Become? What did he become?” Sango hastily looked away as she readied her self for bed.

Silence filled the room and she was hesitant to look back. She let out a strained breath and looked over her shoulder to see Kagome holding her knees to her chest. Her eyes looked so distant and weary as she examined the bedspread in front of her.

“Kagome?”

Blue eyes drifted up to capture brown. Sango almost felt lost in the sadness that swirled in those blue depths.

“We all have that one moment we wish we never had, yet he relives it. He feeds off of it. And he drowns in it.” Kagome looked down to her bed and fidgeted with the cover. “He gets himself high to hide the pain and in turn he forces the pain on himself to get high.”

“Kagome….” Sango frowned as the truth settled deep within her.

“You know this. You know what he does.” Kagome flicked her blue eyes up to the girl. “And you know why.”

Sango looked away. “Why he does what he does is his own business.”

“I know.”

Sango looked warily back at the girl who now stared up at the ceiling.

“That's why I didn't say anything to him. I just told him that no matter what, I'd always be by his side.”

Sango's eyes widened. “What?”

Kagome lowered her head. “No one needs to be told they are wrong when they already know they are. It's at those times they need to know they will never be left alone.” She lifted her eyes to the woman beside her. “And that way they can be strong.”

Be strong. Sango paled as those words echoed out of her memory.

“Sango?”

Sango lifted her eyes up at Kagome's concerned face. “My father… used to say that. Be strong. He always told us that, whenever we cried when he went to work.”

Kagome tilted her head to the side and got up to join Sango on her bed. “What did he do?”

“He was a police officer.” Sango smiled softly with pride. “The best there ever was. Did you know he was awarded several times for acts of bravery and compassion?”

Kagome shook her head. “He sounds like a very good man.”

“He was.” Sango looked down and blinked heavily. She sighed and stripped off her clothes to get changed for bed.

“I don't remember much about my father.”

Sango looked up at Kagome who was holding her legs to her chest beside her.

“He died when I was eight.”

“How?” Sango breathed and joined her on the bed, mimicking Kagome's pose.

“Cancer.” Kagome replied. “I don't remember much before he got sick. We were always going to the hospital it seemed. But one thing I do remember was how he used to pick me up and spin me round and round, laughing the whole time. I'd close my eyes and pretend I was flying.” Kagome's eyes glittered with unshed tears. “He'd always say `Fly for me, my Kagome. Fly and be my guardian angel.'”

Sango wanted to smile, but couldn't. Too many memories allowed her the privilege. “My father was a brave man. I wanted to grow up and be just like him. I was going to save lives and make him so proud.” Her voice broke as she cradled her head onto her knees. “I loved my father.”

Kagome reached her hand out and rubbed Sango's back. “He'd be so proud of you now, Sango.”

Sango lifted her face and Kagome felt her heart ache at the tears the flowed hard from her friend's eyes.

“No, Kagome. My father would not be proud of me right now. I failed him. And I could never forgive myself for what happened, for what I did.”

“Sango? You don't have to….” Kagome slowly reached for her, afraid of the look she saw in Sango's eyes and gasped in painful fright when the girl grabbed her hand in a vice like grip.

“No, Kagome.” Earthly eyes shot up to meet heavenly blue. “I want you to know… my pain.”

A/N: I'm back. I'm sorry for those I've worried. I should have put a note in last month letting you all know what was going down. You see, I got accepted into a new archaeology position in Ontario that started in three weeks, which meant I had to do a crash house-hunting trip, spend a week packing my entire life, and U-Hauling it all across three and a half provinces into a new house. So then I'm in my new house, and starting up my new job, which involved me being in a hole for about three weeks without sun, (since Ontario seems to be under a constant rain cloud) and without a computer. And when I am finally home to relax, all I wanted to do was sleep. Oh, and I'm in Butt Fuck Nowhere, Ontario, which meant that the cable company crew wouldn't be by my house until Nov 10 to install internet. So finally, finally! Nov 10 hit and I had internet! So I check my email to see that so many wonderful people messaged to ask if I was okay. And as I am one that hates to see people unhappy, got off my mud covered ass and wrote a chapter.

As for this chapter, I know, I know…. I am disappointed I couldn't add more things that make my heart flutter, but I needed to build up development between the characters. Kagome has become close to Kouga and Miroku. She knows, to an extent, the lives they had and they know, to an extent, her past. And so far Sango has remained distant and is the last member that still stands in the shadow wanting to be listened to (other than InuYasha but he is so deep into the darkness of his soul that there would be no story if he were so easy to pull out). Once Sango has her story told, then things will truly begin to grow and connect in the long run. So bear with me. I am in the middle of writing the next chapter now and hope to have it up very soon. Once this is out of the way, nothing but IY and Kags, I swear!!!

Oh, and I think I'm getting lazy. Does anyone know any good betas? If you find mistakes, please don't hesitate to let me know. I didn't spend as much time on this than I'd have liked.

As always, be safe, love, laugh and live! WDW