InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Demons Within Us ❯ Pain and Purpose ( Chapter 18 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

InuYasha stepped tiredly into the lobby with his head cast down in exhaustion. It was a long day, and the night didn't make it any better.

He had stopped off at a few bars to dull his memory of what he had done at the rehearsal. The booze managed to drown out everything but beautiful blue eyes and bittersweet promises. It seemed no amount of alcohol could relieve her from his mind. Her very presence haunted him to a point that all he could think about was her. Even when several women had come up to him, all he saw was Kagome. One had even looked somewhat like her, and he was sorely tempted to take her up on her advances but she smelled of smoke and Chanel, not at all like her. As much as he wanted to pretend the woman was his drummer, she wasn't, and no one could even come close. Without any explanation, he had got up and left the woman standing at the bar confused. All he wanted was to go back to the hotel and forget this day ever happened. And if he were lucky, forget that across from his room slept the very person that tormented his being.

He wiped his face to rid the grogginess from the alcohol as he cast his weary eyes up into the lobby. He stopped suddenly when his gaze landed on the last person he thought he'd see. He blinked a few times, thinking maybe he was hallucinating, but there she remained before him. Her small form took all of his attention from the rest of the room, yet Kagome didn't seem to notice him as she moved closer to the far wall.

He frowned slightly as he walked silently towards her. She looked tense, not to mention exhausted. Was she okay? What the hell was she doing up at this time? She shifted a bit and he could see her frown into her cell phone. He stopped short. Who was she talking to?

Her tender voice lilted over to him. He heard the word bank and something about a search. Was she in financial trouble? He stepped closer to listen in, not at all ashamed of his prying, when suddenly her shoulders seemed to relax.

“Thanks, Hojo. You have such a good heart.”

Hojo! InuYasha felt his chest seize in undeniable fury. Why the hell was she talking to that dork? Were they going out? No. Kagome said she didn't have a boyfriend. Then what the hell was going on?

“I'll see you Saturday.”

Saturday? Light seemed to dawn through his muddled mind and he felt himself sober up quickly. That was the day of the charity thingy. Kouga said he was fixing her up with someone. Could it be this Homo fucker? What about her meeting with Sesshomaru? Fuck! Just how many men was she hooking up with this Saturday? His chest felt tight all of a sudden and he had trouble breathing as jealousy rocked him to the core.

“InuYasha?” Kagome's surprised voice spoke his name so sweetly that it stirred awake the familiar butterflies in his stomach. Cringing internally, InuYasha quickly squashed them down as the sour wave of jealousy pushed higher in his chest.

His eyes flicked down to the cell phone in her small hand, half expecting her to explain what the hell she was doing, before his eyes took in her thin cotton apparel. His jaw clenched hard at seeing her in a baby tee and flannel pants that looked ready to drop from her hips. Damn it, what the hell was she doing down here in those clothes for any man to take off with her? Or worse, some man she knew… like that fucking Hojo? God, he hated feeling so damn jealous. When will he get over the fact that he meant nothing to her?

His amber eyes narrowed in fury over the internal chaos of his emotions. He wanted to feel nothing, but it was impossible.

He glared blamefully back up at Kagome's tired face before he was caught off guard by her eyes. She looked up at him in nervous hopefulness and shy admiration. He could not see any pretence or deceit within her as he thought he would. She didn't look at all ashamed at having been caught talking to another man. In fact, she looked….

The silver haired man blinked as relief and guilt flooded over his needless jealousy and washed away his heavy anger. She looked at him as if he were the only man she wanted to see in her life. If only that were true. Besides, what right did he have to keep her from talking to guys anyways? His eyes lowered slowly to the floor.

“Why are you still up?” He asked uncomfortably.

Kagome quickly dropped her gaze down to her cell phone as her heart fluttered uncontrollably. She had almost forgotten why she was down here, so stunned at seeing InuYasha. It was obvious he didn't hear her conversation with Hojo. She doubted he'd be so calm if he heard her mention Kohaku.

But how could she tell him? How could she tell him that she understood what he did and why he did it? How could she tell him she was hoping the boy he saved another lifetime ago was possibly living in her house? She couldn't open such sore wounds when it was just a hunch she was following. She couldn't bring herself to give him pain by revealing the past he wanted to forget. It would be selfish of her to try when she only wanted to share in her overwhelming hope that the Kohaku he knew was alive.

She bit her lower lip slightly as her soul ached to tell him everything. If there was one person in the world she wanted to share in this, it was InuYasha, now more so than ever. Knowledge of all that had transpired in Sango's past gave her new light of the man in front of her. It was hard to keep her arms still from wanting to reach for him, to take away his pain. If anything, she felt more inclined to give herself to him so he'd know that he could have her strength. But she couldn't. He still would not accept her.

Yet even though he still acted tough, he no longer looked so formidable to her now. Instead, he looked….

Her eyes flowed up to capture his own, and InuYasha felt his lips part slightly at the complete adoration and shy acceptance that echoed in her depths. It drew him deeper within her than he could stand.

He wrenched his eyes away quickly and was impressed his voice didn't break from the emotional strain. “Well?”

Kagome blinked out of her reverie and blushed slightly as she looked away. “I was checking up on someone.”

InuYasha turned his gaze back on her scrutinizing. “At three in the morning?”

Her blush burned pinker across her fair cheeks. “It was important and couldn't wait until morning.”

“Who was so important you couldn't wait to talk to them in another four hours?” He bit out before he internally groaned as his jealousy got the better of him.

Luckily, Kagome didn't notice as she sighed resolutely. “To be honest, I got wind of a potential lead for one of the children at the Shikon House. We've been trying to find out about his past for years. For the longest time we knew nothing about him, not even his last name. Until now, I hope. I was so excited that I had to call Hojo to find out more information for me.”

InuYasha frowned. He learned begrudgingly that Kagome never lied, but she did have a way of telling the truth without telling the story. It infuriated him to no end his craving to ask her about every detail she was thinking and feeling at that moment, especially when he prided himself on being indifferent. But with her he wanted to know everything, and knew it would take his entire life to even get a fraction of her secrets. What he would give to know her more than anyone else.

Thankfully, he got the minimum of what he wanted to know. She found there might be information about one of the brats at her orphanage. Not that he gave a rat's ass about any of it. He was just pissed she had to call that little wiener to find the information she was looking for. She could have waited until morning, but it was one of the things he was coming to realize about her. She was selfless. If she could help even one person, she would sacrifice all she had to do so. Subconsciously, he wished he were one of them.

He shrugged carelessly as he turned quickly away to head to the stairs. “Whatever. Get to bed. We're leaving for the arena at one and the last thing I need is a lazy drummer.”

Kagome held the need to roll her eyes as she followed after the singer. She wasn't surprised that he didn't ask her more on the subject. It wasn't his way, just as it wasn't her way to pry into his affairs. It definitely wouldn't do to ask him where he was all night, though she was sorely tempted to jab him in the side about it. As if he had the nerve to say she was going to be tired when he was up as late as she was. She wondered if there would ever be a time she could feel comfortable teasing him and laughing with him. How badly she prayed she would be given the chance someday.

But she had to admit she was exhausted, but it didn't stop her for wanting to make sure InuYasha was okay. As they reached their respective doors, Kagome stopped to look over her shoulder to watch InuYasha fumble in his pockets to look for his key card. He seemed so lost and alone behind his hard exterior and she felt her heart bleed for him. She wanted more than anything for him to know she understood, and that she thought that he was valiant and noble for the sacrifices he had made. But how could she let him know without revealing too much? What could she possibly say when no words seemed right?

“InuYasha?”

“Hmn?” He turned to face his door more fully as he pulled out his key.

She was silent for a few moments and InuYasha gritted his teeth as he felt compelled to look at her. Sighing in irritation, he flicked his gaze over his shoulder to see her facing him as she shyly fidgeted with her fingers. He frowned and turned to her, crossing his arms over his chest in discomfort.

“Well?” He grunted as his eyes flicked up and down the corridor in awkwardness. Couldn't she take the hint that he hated being alone with her? He inhaled heavily in aggravation only to smell strawberries and vanilla. His skin prickled in pleasure and a small rush of goose bumps rose then fell on his flesh. God, he'd give anything to bury his face into her hair and feel his body melt right into her.

`Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!' He mentally shut his eyes and screamed. How the hell did she do that to him? She was just fucking standing there, for Christ's sake! His fingers clawed sharply into his forearms as he tried to stifle his growing need.

“I just….” She hesitated and huffed slightly trying to rid her anxiety. “ I thought you should know that I….”

“Yes?” He asked slowly as his eyes flicked up and down her small frame. He cocked his head warily to the side, unfamiliar with this characteristic of her and what it could mean. She never struggled to say what was on her mind as far as he was aware. Great. Just what he needed, another damn quirk he craved to know about her.

She sighed deeply in resolution before stepping closer to him. She looked up at him with a variety of emotion he never knew could be expressed in one person. He suddenly felt compelled to look away from the intensity of those eyes.

Dropping his arms to fist his hands in his pockets, he stared balefully at the far wall to his right as he tried to swallow the hot butterflies she had stirred in him. How could she possibly make him that weak that he couldn't even look at the girl? He growled low at his lack of composure. “Listen! If you got something to say then just say it.”

Before he realized what was happening Kagome stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly on the corner of his lips.

“I just wanted to say thank you, InuYasha.” Her whispered words tickled his cheek and ear as it blew a soft tendril of his hair warmly against his cold face.

He turned towards her in shock before she stepped quietly away from him.

“Just… thank you.” She smiled softly.

His gaze flowed dumbly from her smile to her eyes and he almost missed the small tear that trailed down her cheek before she turned quickly to her door. Instinctively, he grabbed her arm and pulled her back to face him. Her blue eyes glittered up to search his face in confusion as she attempted to wipe away the offending tear, but his hand quickly captured hers to keep her from doing so. She was… crying? For him?

Golden eyes hypnotically watched as the simple bead of water pearled to the corner of her mouth and flood over her bottom lip. He stared at it for what seemed like an eternity before she gently licked her lip to rid the itch the tear had caused.

He opened his mouth to ask why. Why was she crying? Why did she thank him? Why had she kissed him? Why did she enter his life and why couldn't he stop this agonizing feeling he had since he met her? The same feeling that tore at him even now as he gazed unwavering at her beautiful face.

Her wide eyes never once left his and he felt his body quiver as the pain in his chest intensified from the trust and light she held for him. She shed a tear for him. One that held more compassion and empathy than any had ever given him. But no words left his mouth to ask her why, because no words could satisfy his questions. Only one thing could.

Groaning as he succumbed to a higher will, InuYasha swiftly pulled her up to capture her lips into his. He immediately winced as the shocking waves of indescribable exhilaration and pleasure coursed through him as he tasted her. Never before had pain ever felt so fucking good.

His tongue gingerly traced her bottom lip, lapping up the salty trace of her tear. God, how long had he suffered from the need to do this with her, to finally kiss her without pretence or hurt? But it did hurt. It hurt worse than he ever knew it could.

His eyes rolled deliriously beneath his closed lids as her lips immediately softened against his and she fisted into his sweat touched t-shirt to bring her body closer into him. The smell of summer and sweetness flooded over him as her body melted against him. Oh fuck, nothing could pull him from her kiss. Not even the screaming torment that shuddered within his very soul because of it.

She was not his. She could never be his. What woman, what true woman, would want a false man like him? She was everything he wanted, everything he needed, and everything he could never have.

The pain tripled inside him from this hard truth and he buried his lips deeper and harder into hers, begging for her to struggle, to fight him off, to tell him he wasn't worthy. But she held on tighter and, by will even he could not fathom, opened heaven for him to taste.

He moaned heavily as he plundered her mouth, raking his tongue deep within her. He was like a starving man eating his full, revelling in her sighs and shy traces of her tongue against his. But in reality, he was a sinful man, gathering as much light and warmth and grace from heaven as he was allowed before he was cast back into hell. Because once he let go of her, once her lips left him, he knew he'd face reality again. And he could no longer face it without her.

He felt her lips pull from him slightly as she struggled to breath, but he refused. `Give me one more moment.' He begged through his kiss. `Please, let me have one more moment. Please, don't let me go.'

But she did. She pulled hastily away to pant heavily below him. Her body shook slightly and it was hard for her to contain the grimace of pain from the grip he had on her body.

InuYasha blinked heavily down at her in confusion before he felt his body heave in a great breath, realizing now how long he had gone without air. Holy fuck, was he that desperate for her kiss that he was willing to suffocate himself within her to have it? He lowered his eyes to her plump, kiss-stained lips. Hell yeah he would.

Kagome breathed in deep before letting her lips form his name. “InuYasha?”

In a haze, he allowed himself to look into her saddened eyes. How he hated to see that emotion there. She was supposed to be happy. She was supposed to feel good all the time. Did he cause her so much grief that her heavenly eyes could feel such sorrow?

He swallowed heavily, unable to say anything as he panted shakily before her.

“Were you drinking?” She asked so quietly he almost missed it.

He blinked rapidly, trying to understand what she was getting at. Yes, he went to a bar when he left this evening. He needed to unwind and be alone. He needed to think. Didn't she know that? No, how could she, but then how did she know?

He licked his lips unconsciously and tasted the bitter flavour of alcohol, realizing then why she had stopped. He frowned slightly. She probably hated the taste. Could he blame her? Kagome probably never had a drink in her life. He shifted his head to the side sheepishly wanting to apologize, but her soft voice tore him a new hole he didn't know he could suffer. Humiliation.

“Oh no.” Kagome shut her eyes in realization. “You're drunk aren't you?”

InuYasha frowned. Okay, so he had a few beers, and yes, he had a good buzz going for him, but it didn't make him drunk. Okay, maybe a little. He stumbled back slightly, making Kagome trip up with him. Okay, maybe a lot. Was she that repulsed by it that even kissing him made her look sick?

He felt his chest lurch in shameful hurt. He opened his mouth to tell her where he went and why but stopped when she pulled away from him.

“I can't believe I kissed you.” She covered her face in her hands as she shut her eyes and lowered her head in remorse. “I can't believe I took advantage of you.”

Yet all InuYasha could gather from her muffled words were `took advantage.' He shut his mouth quickly. `Took advantage?'

“And you being with Kikyo!” She winced into her hands.

`What's Kikyo got to do with this?' InuYasha thought as he stepped back uncomfortably. Realization dawned on him. She saw them together, after Kikyo went down on him at the first competition a week ago. Fuck, how could he have forgotten that? He felt his cheeks flush slightly. Yeah, had the situation been reversed, he'd be regretting the kiss too. God, what was he thinking? It was understandable Kagome would be upset right now. She probably saw him as a womanizer and a tramp, wanting nothing more than to fuck her. How could she possibly know that she could never be that way for him?

He grimaced. Well, she couldn't be that way for him now. He shut his eyes in regret over the last month and how he had treated her. Before, she was no more than a sex object for him to toy with and break. But she had to know he didn't feel that way now. Didn't she?

Kagome lowered her hands but her eyes never looked up from the ground. “How can I ever forgive myself?”

Okay, maybe not. InuYasha opened his eyes and stared down at her frail form. He felt his stomach fall at the revulsion he saw on her face. She didn't know how he really felt. And from the look on her face, he didn't want to correct her. If she could actually think so little of him, then she saw him as he exactly was. He was a perversion of a real man. He couldn't deny what he had done. He couldn't take back the years he fucked up and fucked around. If he could erase his entire past to rid the look on her face right now, he would. But he couldn't. He was what he was and she was what she was. It was about time he came to grips with that. As much as he wanted her, as much as he could change to be what she wanted, he could never be what she needed.

And the pain of that truth was unbearable.

He turned from her and placed his key in the slot. “Whatever. Don't give a shit about it. It was only a fucking kiss.”

Kagome looked up at him in remorse and reached out for his retreating form as he let himself into his room. But the door shut on her before her words made it through. “I'm sorry.”

But he heard.

InuYasha shut his eyes briefly as he tossed the key card on the desk and took off his shoes. He was sorry too. He was sorry he couldn't be what she wanted.

Shrugging off his shirt and socks, he stumbled in the dark towards the bathroom, not caring if he woke up Kouga or Miroku. Closing the door behind him, he flicked on the light to be assaulted by his reflection in the mirror. He grimaced from the brightness before his image came into focus. God, he looked more than tired, he looked completely gone. How he hated the man he saw.

Wiping his hand down over his mouth, he angrily tried to rid himself the sweet taste of her lips. Kagome had every right to push him away. And in all honesty, he wanted her to. He wanted her to remain that unattainable thing. It gave him something to look at. It gave him something to feel for, even if it was nothing but pain - pain that was once easy to numb.

He shifted his hand into his pocket and pulled out a small plastic bag. He eyed the joint inside it warily before he hung his head over the sink. What was the cost of relieving this pain? Before he met her, the object he held in his hand easily deadened him. But now nothing could even touch the agony inside. Instead everything built on the pain she created.

With a flick of his wrist, he tossed the baggie and its item into the toilet and flushed. Looking back up into the mirror, he blinked. His brow was twisted in a slight crease and his mouth in a small scowl, but what got to him the most was the sorrow he saw in his eyes. It was the first time in forever that he had seen anything but indifference in them. And for some reason, it made him relax. So he was in there somewhere. He thought he was gone for good. But instead he was alive. Deep within him, he still had a spark of humanity left. Leave it for a little girl to make him see that.

He licked his dry lips and unconsciously drew his lower lip into his mouth to suckle it. The hint of her salty tear still remained.

He shook his head in humourless defeat. Correction. Leave it for the perfect woman to make him feel it, feel the one thing that told him he was still living. It was pain. True pain.

And he loved it.

He lifted his eyes to gaze once more in the mirror before he shut off the light. He normally hated to go to bed without brushing his teeth, but tonight he wanted to fall asleep with her taste on his tongue. He wanted to feel that pain. It was raw, it was savage and it was true. His mind never wavered from her image, building the emotion to greater heights. She was his muse. She was his insanity.

She was his pain. And he wanted nothing else.

-+-

Kagome sadly put her key and cell phone on the table by the bed. She had stood outside InuYasha's room for several minutes wondering if she should explain. But she knew that admitting her feelings would only cause more distance between them, not to mention awkwardness. It was the last thing they needed so close to the competition. It was the last thing InuYasha needed period.

Kagome sighed as she gazed at the two beds before she crawled back into bed with Sango. Holding the girl against her chest once more, she took slight comfort in the fact that her friend unconsciously held her back. She nuzzled her face into Sango's hair and cringed at the memory of what she had done.

She couldn't believe she kissed him. It seemed so natural to give in to her urge. And when he pulled her up to kiss him once more, she didn't struggle. Instead she pulled him tighter to her body. He couldn't have pulled away if he tried. She forced his lips harder onto hers and opened her mouth to bring in his tongue. As soon as his tongue was in, she tasted and sucked and took it in for all she was worth. She couldn't get enough, not until she tasted the alcohol and numbing realization hit her hard. He wasn't in his right mind. If he were, surely he wouldn't have kissed her back.

She turned over onto her other side and stared out into nothingness. What was she thinking? Why did she do that to him? She twisted her legs up slightly, flinching at the hollow ache and wetness the kiss created. She did this. She took advantage of him to build this feeling. She couldn't argue the fact he didn't kiss her back. He did, and with so much passion and ferocity her legs still shook. But she knew what she was doing. She knew what she wanted from him, but he couldn't give it to her. She needed him - all of him. But he wasn't hers to give. He was Kikyo's.

Kagome whimpered slightly. What was he thinking now? Would he hate her once he sobered up enough to know what she did? Would he tell Kikyo? Would he continue to attack her like he used to? After all this time she tried to build his trust, how could she so foolishly break it for one kiss? A small tear fell from her eye and she shut them tightly in an attempt to bury the memory. She couldn't live with the guilt if she lost his trust.

He told her to forget about it. It was only a kiss. But to her it was so much more. She let herself slip. She let herself give in to temptation. Had she continued, she would have told him how she felt….

She groaned in embarrassment. Saying sorry was not going to cut it. She would have to find some way to make it up to him, and putting her whole self into winning the competition for him tomorrow was the first thing she would do.

She opened her eyes when she felt Sango roll over, whimpering slightly in her sleep. Kagome quietly shifted to spoon her friend to give her comfort, even if it was for her self as well.

She sighed into Sango's hair and shut her eyes. After the competition, the next thing would be to bring their past to peace. She only hoped her assumption was correct. Tomorrow was a new day, and it would be the day she would set things right.

-+-

“Kagome!”

The girl snorted as she was brought quickly into consciousness.

Sango laughed as she tossed a moist towel on the girl's head. “Wake up!”

Kagome rolled over and yawned. She tried to wipe the hard sleep from her eyes as she stretched but it felt like her eyes were caked with it and made them too heavy to open. “What time is it?” She asked groggily.

“Almost noon. We have to take off there soon, so get up.”

Kagome finally opened her eyes to look at Sango blearily. The woman was dressed in shredded leather and her make up was already done. “You're awfully awake.” She mumbled.

Sango's smile widened. “Yeah. I don't know why. I just feel… good.” Her smile softened. “Thanks.”

Kagome tried to smile but her mind was too heavy. Sitting up, she cast her eyes to the clock before dropping her gaze to the floor. It was hard to put her mind in the right perspective when she wasn't sure what the perspective should be.

“You okay?” Sango asked as she studied Kagome's face. She looked so withdrawn and sad. Was it something she said last night?

Kagome lifted her blue eyes to look sadly at her friend. After all that they shared last night with each other, was there any point to hold anything back? She sighed and cast her eyes to the floor once more. “I kissed InuYasha last night.”

“What! When! Where! How!” Sango dropped what she was doing and sat on the other bed opposite from her. “What happened?”

Kagome covered her eyes in mortification and rested her elbows on her legs. “I don't know!” She shook her head. “It happened all so fast. I didn't mean for it to go the way it did.”

Sango busted out laughing. “Geez, Kags. Don't make it sound like it was the end of the world.”

Kagome shook her head once more and dropped her hands onto her legs. “It was a mistake.”

The smile on Sango's face faded. “Why?”

Kagome looked up at her in shock. “Why? Because… because it was InuYasha!”

“So?” Sango shrugged and eyed her friend with a frown. Could it be that Kagome really couldn't accept InuYasha for his past mistakes - to take him for what he really was and not what he appeared to be? Did Kagome even know who he really was?

Kagome looked at Sango in confusion before dropping her gaze in humility. “I shouldn't think of him in that way. He's… too far away from me.”

Sango tilted her head in confusion. “Maybe we should take this from the top. Tell me what happened.”

Kagome sighed and began to tell Sango about what happened last night, omitting the reason why she had to make the phone call, but luckily that wasn't what was on Sango's mind.

“Then he told me to forget about it. It was just a kiss. Then he went in his room. I never even got to tell him I was sorry. I mean, how can he ever forgive me? I let my impulse ahead of my mind.”

Sango was silent for a few moments. “Kagome, what made you think he didn't want to kiss you back?”

The raven-haired girl shrugged. “Because he's never shown interest in me before… not in a good way, I mean.”

Sango quickly sobered. It was true. InuYasha had been after the girl in more ways than one. She knew he was after vengeance at first, yet she also knew her best friend well enough to know he began to care deeply for the girl. But InuYasha was terrified of showing how he really felt. Could she blame Kagome for being so confused?

“Kagome… if you thought that he didn't want you, why did you kiss him?”

Kagome covered her face in her hands. “Please don't think awful about me.”

Sango rested a hand on Kagome's knee. “Kagome, the last thing I can think about is bad thoughts about you.”

Kagome dropped her hands and gave Sango a weak smile. “I… I really wanted to kiss him. For some reason, it felt like it was the only way I'd ever get the chance to let him really know how I felt.” She lowered her eyes to the floor between them. “But he wasn't really in the best of conditions to really feel it. To him, it was just a kiss. To me….”

“It was how you really felt?”

Kagome nodded. “I… only wanted to be there for him. But somewhere down the road, it became so much more.”

Sango felt her chest lift in happiness and she struggled to contain her smile. “So? Why not go with it? See where it goes?”

Kagome shook her head. “He doesn't think of me in that way. He doesn't think well of me at all. And besides, even if he did, he has Kikyo.”

The happiness dropped like a dead weight as all that was on Kagome's mind came crashing down on Sango. She bit her lip nervously. “You know him for what he is, Kagome. He's had a hard life and he doesn't know how to react because of it. But try not to look too deep into what he does, or who he's with.”

Kagome tilted her head slightly in confusion.

“InuYasha… he's never had a girlfriend. Yes, he's had women, but they were not what you call the relationship type. Kikyo is one of them.”

Kagome lowered her head in realization and slight dread. “Oh.”

“She doesn't mean anything to him. Just one thing.”

Kagome nodded her head and paled. It felt like her stomach wanted to crawl into her throat and choke her. She knew InuYasha wasn't a virgin. In fact his whole aura exuded experience. She just didn't want to know anyone had touched him in that way, it made her feel… ordinary and obsolete. “She's his….”

“Dealer.”

Kagome shot her eyes up at Sango in shock. “Huh?”

Sango shrugged. “Kikyo is not his lover, though she does use him. She's his dealer.”

Vision of cold brown eyes and a dark sneer echoed out of her memory and Kagome could feel her chest grow cold. “Uses him?”

Sango blinked. She hadn't expected Kagome to question that. She nodded slightly. “InuYasha has no attraction for that slut whatsoever. She brings him what he wants, gets him high and then takes what she wants from him: sex, money and promises. It's her job to keep him in debt so she could stay the fucking leech that she is. She doesn't care for him. He just gives her what she wants because most times he doesn't have a say in the matter.”

Kagome's chest tightened as an old forgotten feeling began to creep back into her consciousness. Rage. Rage against injustice and weakness and fear. All the things Kikyo preyed upon with InuYasha. The need to smite the soulless bitch down wracked against her soul.

Sango's eyes widened slightly at the undeniable fury that darkened Kagome's eyes into sapphire pools. She had never seen Kagome look so fierce and determined. It was terrifying to see the soulful angel turn into a wrathful goddess. She watched as Kagome stood and walked to the window. Her piercing blue eyes scanned the skyline as if searching for something before her tense shoulders began to sag as her sorrow dragged her down from her heights.

She turned to her friend with sadness in her eyes. “And nothing you say has helped.”

It wasn't a question, but Sango shook her head. “He won't listen. He has made her his punishment, among other things. He believes he deserves nothing else but that.”

Kagome slowly blinked and cast her eyes once more out on the horizon. “He deserves so much more.” She stated quietly. “He deserves everything he could possibly want.”

“Yeah. He does.” Sango looked up at Kagome in sadness. `And the only thing he wants is you. Please be patient with him, Kagome. Give him time. Give him a chance. He deserves that much.'

Kagome sighed and smiled softly over at the woman sitting on the bed. “Then the first thing we should give him is the third competition.”

Sango blinked then smiled as she watched Kagome head to the bathroom to get ready. For some reason, her body felt like the whole world could fit inside her. Kagome was not going to forsake InuYasha. And from the look on the girl's face, she was going to bring him back. Of all the people that could reach him, she knew Kagome would. Sango felt hope, a feeling she didn't know she could ever feel again. She grinned happily as she set about packing up the rest of her things.

Kagome turned the shower on to heat as she quickly took off her pyjamas and brushed her teeth simultaneously. Her chat with Sango made her feel significantly better. She no longer felt like she was the `other woman' anymore, though she still wondered what InuYasha felt about the kiss. But it wouldn't do to bask in what was done. Her mind needed to focus on what needed to be done. Her determination to see InuYasha through was doubled. There was nothing now to keep her from her task. Before, she was governed by her fear and her doubt. Now she knew what she was meant to do.

Her shower was quick but just enough time to revive her senses and wake her up fully. She stepped out of the bathroom with a large towel around her body while she towel dried her hair. “What time are we leaving?”

Sango smiled slightly as Kagome threw open her duffle bag in a mad rush. “As soon as you're ready. We are to meet outside the arena around one thirty to meet with the press and our fans.”

`Fans.' Kagome blushed slightly at the thought. But she guessed that's what they were. The competition was judged by votes. People from all over Japan would be watching and will be able to vote by the Internet. The audience will also vote the same way, with small computers attached to their seats. They would be their toughest sell. Meeting those fans was a way to put better odds in one's favour. And it didn't hurt having a few radio promos done before hand to make their band well known. She silently thanked Sesshomaru for that. Not many other bands were given that opportunity. Their manager was certainly one step ahead. InuYasha couldn't deny his brother's support from all the strings he had to pull to get them where they are.

It didn't take long for Kagome to dress in her black cargo pants and electric blue body suit. She had liked the red one very much and went out before they left Kyoto to get another one. Red had readily contrasted against her black hair, but the blue really brought out her eyes.

Sango whistled appreciatively and set about helping Kagome with her make up. By the time her hair and make up were done, a heavy pounding shuddered against their door.

Kagome looked up as Sango jogged to the door while she finished packing up her supplies. They were leaving soon after the competition and it was best they had their stuff ready to go.

Sango quickly pulled the door open as another shuddering knock echoed through the room. She scowled hard at the three men that stood there.

“You ready or do you need another hour to put on your face?”

“Shut up, InuYasha.” She left the door open and the guys followed her inside.

“I see that they're more ready than you are, Yash.” Miroku grinned as Kagome zipped up her duffle bag. He gave Sango a small kiss on the lips. “You'd think a closet blew up in our room.”

“Pft. I'll pack when I damn well have to. Besides, the maid can tidy it up.” The silver haired man griped as he watched Kagome from the corner of his eye. She looked hot in her blue suit and dark cargos. He unconsciously licked his lower lip, wishing he could still taste her.

“I don't think that's wise, Dog Breath.” Kouga sneered. “Not many women can stomach you naked, let alone handle your dirty underwear.”

InuYasha's face flamed as his eyes flicked from Kagome to Kouga and back. He wanted to murder the man who dared to embarrass him in front of her, but a small hint of a smile curved on her perfect lips as she hoisted her bag to bring to the corner of the room.

His shoulders eased somewhat at seeing her struggle to hold back her smile. He was hoping that there would be no awkwardness because of last night. If anything, he wanted to forget it happened. Well, the kiss he'd keep, the rest could be wiped from existence. He wondered how things would be between them now, but so far, things seemed pretty normal. She was smiling at least, though he didn't appreciate it coming from his own expense.

He growled low and eyed the blue-eyed man. “You're one to talk, Ko. This coming from a guy wearing Pikachu underwear.”

“Hey! He's vintage!” Kouga collapsed on one of the beds. “What the fuck are you doing knowing what underwear I have on anyways?”

Miroku snickered as he nodded his head at Kouga's crotch. “Franks and beans, Ko!”

Kouga quickly looked down at his crotch to see his zipper wide open and a Pikachu waving happily out at the world. “Fuck! Little late than never, Miroku?” He quickly zipped up his pants.

Miroku laughed and shrugged as he moved to sit on the other bed. “Hey, I wasn't going to say a thing. Figured it'd be cool to see it on the tabloids.”

“You bastard!” Kouga lunged from his bed and tackled Miroku into the other one.

InuYasha smirked at their antics before wandering to the window where Kagome now stood. She was watching the men wrestle with a roll in her eyes, though they twinkled with unbridled laughter.

“How'd you like it if your underwear was out!” Kouga reached in Miroku's black jeans to give him a wedgie.

“What underwear?” Miroku snorted into the blankets.

“Gah!” Kouga pushed the man away from him and leapt off the bed. He pointed a finger accusingly at Sango. “You could have fucking warned me!”

“And ruin the moment?” Sango smiled sweetly. “Besides, it's good for Miroku to know what it's like to be grabbed by a man.”

Miroku flicked his eyebrows at Kouga as he rested lazily on the messed up bed. “Was it good for you?”

Kouga grimaced in revulsion and flung a pillow at his face.

The room echoed with laughter, but the only thing InuYasha could hear was the soft giggles Kagome smothered into her hand. Her eyes twinkled brightly and her smile lit up her face when she lowered her hand from her mouth. She cast her eyes up at him and her smile faded to one of soft shyness before she looked over at her friends once more.

InuYasha's chest constricted from the pain he was becoming all too familiar with, and he revelled in it. She may have regretted what they did last night, but she didn't hold it against him- and he wouldn't it hold it against her. It was what it was. A mistake. One of many he has done with her. And from the look she had given him just then, one that required no apology or mention, just like everything else.

He cast his eyes out the window at the bright sunny sky overhead. Today looked like a good day.

Kagome tried to steady her breath when InuYasha stood beside her at the window. She wasn't sure how to react. She wanted desperately to apologize for her behaviour and she hoped it wouldn't hurt their friendship. But now was not the time or place for it. She watched distractedly as her friends joked and wrestled, but all the while her mind was set on the man beside her. She giggled when Miroku teased Kouga, but her attention quickly turned to the man who was watching her.

She cast her eyes up, expecting to see anger or hatred in his cold eyes. Instead, she saw hopeful curiosity. She felt captured in that odd emotion. She had never seen him look like that before and it made her feel somewhat shy. She quickly turned to look back at her friends though she watched the man beside her on the sly.

He eventually turned his gaze back out the window and she slowly turned to look out with him. He seemed contemplative and reserved.

“It looks like a good day.” She stated softly.

His ears perked at her words and he grunted.

“A brand new day.”

He didn't respond. He looked blindly out at the world as the butterflies made a home in his chest.

“Maybe even a new start.”

InuYasha looked over at her with a slight frown. She searched his face briefly before turning her eyes out the window. So many emotions flicked through those eyes, but the one that stood out most was hope. He wondered what it was for.

He followed her gaze out the window. `A new start….' Would he be so lucky to have that with her?

He watched from the corner of his eye as she shifted her balance and sighed softly. He realized then that it wasn't a statement, but a question. He swallowed the hopeful lump in his throat as he pondered the meaning but in actuality he didn't care. He lowered his head in a slight nod. “Yeah.”

Nothing in the whole world felt more right then the smile that graced her lips as she looked down at the busy streets of Tokyo. “Yeah.”

He crossed his arms and leaned against the window frame as he looked down with her. A new start. But where did it start? What were they to each other? What was he to her? What was she to him?

“Come on, guys. The taxi is waiting!” Sango smiled as she gathered up her things.

InuYasha listened as his band laughed and joked as they headed out of the room. Looking up, he was relieved to see Kagome holding the door open and waiting for him. She smiled. A smile that he felt was just his. He felt his chest ache at the need to touch her.

He already knew what she was to him, the stirring of complete agonizing ecstasy in his veins told him that much. She was his torment. If he could learn to feel anything else he'd know it would be because of that pain. But as of yet, that was all he had. And he held it like a lifeline.

InuYasha lowered his eyes and walked out of the room, making sure not to touch her as he went. Kagome's smile faded as she watched him move like a shadow out into the hallway. She quietly shut the door behind her and followed him. She watched as he moved sombrely. Everything about him looked so smooth and perfect on the outside. His red t-shirt and dark jeans seemed to be the only thing of colour on him. The rest was pale.

Kagome felt her heart flutter at the sight of him, but more so, felt the need to be near him to give herself to him if need be. She prayed. She prayed he'd understand. He had the potential to hold so much purity. The kind that could never be corrupted. If only he believed in himself.

Today was a new day. It was a new start. She was no longer going to wait on the line. She was not going to be governed by her rational approach. No, now her spirit will guide her. She will stand beside him through it all. She wanted for him to wake up just as much as he needed it. It was time for him to ascend out of his darkness, and she would walk with him as he went.

She was his friend after all.

InuYasha chanced a glance back at her and Kagome felt her breath leave her. His golden eyes looked so deep and so void of light. Yet at the bottom of those depths she saw him call for mercy. He turned from her quickly as he headed down the stairs and Kagome slowly sighed. She may never know what she was to him, but she would very well show him what he was to her.

He was her purpose.

A/N And another chapter! I am feeling good and I am on a roll. I really want to thank my beta for cleaning up my work. I wouldn't feel right posting without her input. Thank you, Missy! You are awesome! And also, thank you all for reading my story.

And I don't know if I mentioned it or not but Demons won second place on the IYFG thingy. Best AU! Thank you for all who nominated and voted for me. It really allowed me to touch base with more readers and develop more wonderful friendships. DWU was also nominated for the feudal association too. Good luck to all those nominated and happy reading!

Okay, I'm writing the next chapter as we speak, but I doubt I'll have it up before New Years, so I just want to say Happy New Years! I hope you all have a wonderful year of fantastic memories and joyous experiences. And as always, Laugh, Love and Live!

WDW