InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Demons Within Us ❯ All That You Can Do ( Chapter 26 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

InuYasha was kicking himself by the time they made it down to the parking lot. Not only did he make a fool of himself by making up they had practice so Kagome would stay longer, but he had yet to let the rest of the band know they had to meet within the next half hour!

He growled silently to himself as he bee lined to his bike. How the hell does he keep getting into these situations? At least the drive over there would give him time to prepare.

“Where're you going?”

InuYasha stopped short and turned hesitantly to Kagome as she looked at him curiously. “Um… taking my bike.” He stated in an attempt to be snide.

Kagome frowned in that adorable way he was beginning to like way too much. “Why? We're going to the same place.” She gestured to him as she headed to the driver side of her car. “Come on, it'd save on gas. And don't worry, I'll drive you back when we're done.”

InuYasha looked imploringly over to his Harley, almost as if wishing the bike had an argument against her, but he couldn't think of an excuse in time. On one hand he would be given the chance to be alone to call the rest of the band, on the other, he would have a reason to have Kagome near by after practice was over. Tough choice.

Growling at his lack of control, he headed over to her car and flopped into the passenger seat, slamming the door closed and crossing his arms in a huff. Great, just great. Now all he had to do was come up with a reason why the rest of the band wasn't going to be there. That would go over well. Not to mention Sango was going to be pissed that he showed up unannounced especially since she was spending time with….

InuYasha paled. Oh fuck! Kohaku! Was he that out of his mind to make up with Kagome that he forgot about the very reason why he ousted her? Now they were driving towards the very place he wanted desperately to avoid. He groaned softly. A bullet to the head would be nice right about now.

“You okay?” Kagome's soft voice cut through his distress as she drove out of the parking lot.

Closing his eyes, InuYasha rubbed the dull ache that was forming between them. “I really need a smoke.” He said unconsciously.

“Oh.” Her voice lowered slightly. “Did you bring any?”

Groaning under his breath, he shook his head. “No.” A vision of a crushed pack of cigarettes on his balcony came to mind.

Silence permeated the car before Kagome spoke. “There's a convenience store on the corner. I can drop you off and you can run in and get some.”

He was about to wave her off before his eyes shot open to see the store up ahead. Its neon sign lit it up like a halo and he could almost hear angels sing as the solution to his problems came into view. “Yeah, pull over.”

Once she stopped by the curb, InuYasha bolted from the car to the inside of the store. As soon as the door swung closed he flipped open his cell phone and started calling. It took less than five minutes to give his friends the heads up about practice, though they were pissed about the short notice. Not like he cared. Snapping the phone shut on a swearing Kouga, InuYasha sauntered over to the counter feeling better at ease. That was done, now it was just a matter of getting through the day without making a bigger ass of himself in front of Kagome.

“What can I get for ya?” The young clerk stated in boredom, looking up from a magazine.

“A pack of….” InuYasha stopped, his eyes settling on the article the man was reading as a picture of Kagome and himself popped out at him. He blinked and leaned over the picture. It was from a few days ago, when they were giving autographs before the second competition. More specifically it was when Kagome dragged him out of the lobby to sign one more autograph for a little girl. The picture showed the both of them looking into each other's eyes, yet all he could see was the happiness and pride beaming from Kagome's face as she looked at him.

“Sir?” The clerk lifted a brow.

InuYasha flashed his eyes up at the man before looking up behind him to the rows of cigarette packs. His eyes fell once more to the picture before he sighed. Reaching over to the stand beside him, he tossed a green package on the counter and snapped some change down beside it. “Just a pack of gum.”

Nodding, the clerk rung it in as InuYasha headed to the door.

“Uhh… Sir?”

InuYasha turned to give an annoyed glance at the man.

The clerk looked down at the picture then at InuYasha. “Aren't you…?”

InuYasha smirked.

“Whoa.” The man whistled and his dark eyes looked back down at the picture. “You must be good at what you do, man. How else can a guy get a woman like that?”

InuYasha's smirk quickly disappeared. “I honestly don't know.”

Popping a tablet of gum into his mouth, he headed out the door and walked sullenly over to the car but slowed when he reached his window. Tilting his head slightly in question, he stepped quietly to the car and peered in. Kagome's head rested against the side of her door and her closed eyes fluttered as her body fought against sleep. InuYasha lifted a brow and rolled his eyes before he headed to her side of the car.

Clearing his throat loudly, he lifted his hand and rapped a knuckle against the frame her head rested against. “Hey, wake up.”

Her blue eyes opened slightly before looking up at him. Her lips quirked as she sat up and yawned, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. “Sorry, I didn't realize I dozed off there.”

InuYasha watched her for a few moments before he frowned and opened her door. “Move over.”

“What?” She looked him over in confusion as he nudged her shoulder with his hip as he attempted to sit in her seat.

“I said move over. I'm driving.”

“What? Why?” She unbuckled her seat belt and unconsciously moved over to the passenger side as he dropped into the driver seat.

“Because I'd sooner trust you driving than I would Rin.” InuYasha turned the ignition on and buckled up.

Kagome's mouth opened in indignation. “Hey! I'm a safe driver!”

InuYasha snorted as he adjusted her mirrors.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Kagome huffed and reluctantly buckled her own belt.

InuYasha pulled from the curb to the street, minding to keep his eyes on the road and not the fired up vision beside him. “It means I'm not about to trust anyone who hasn't slept in thirty six hours to drive.”

Kagome faltered before she slumped back in her seat and crossed her arms. “I'm fine.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“Seriously.” Kagome frowned and glared in annoyance at the windshield. “I hate how you always think I'm weak! When will you finally see that I….”

“Oh for fuck sakes!” InuYasha snarled and turned burning yellow eyes upon her. “Will you just shut up and let me take care of you?”

Kagome blinked at him in shock before she rolled her eyes and settled down into her seat. “Fine.”

Huffing out his aggravation, InuYasha turned his eyes back on the road. Finally! He didn't think she'd ever shut up. Fuck, was she ever stubborn! Didn't she see that he was doing this for her own good? The girl hadn't slept because of him and it was about time she realized that he was man enough to take care of her. He… oh shit! He didn't just say what he thought he said did he?

Cringing slightly, he flicked his gaze over at Kagome, incredibly relieved to see that her eyes were once again closed. Hopefully she missed what he said. The last thing he needed was to put anything into perspective, especially where she was concerned. Sighing, he cast his attention back out on the road, just missing the faint smile on her lips as she began to doze by his side.

It was a good twenty minutes until they made it to the warehouse. InuYasha parked Kagome's car next to the alley as gently as he could so not to disturb the sleeping woman beside him. Turning the car off, he leaned heavily back in his seat, at a loss of what to do now. By the looks of it, Miroku and Kouga weren't there yet, and he certainly wasn't going in there alone. Sighing, he turned his gaze to Kagome and unconsciously watched as she slept.

Her plump lips were parted slightly as deep breaths left her lungs. Tendrils of her long, ebony hair danced with the slight breeze coming in from the window and her eyelashes whispered gently against her cheeks as she dreamed. She looked so young, like a child, as her head rested against the taut seat belt. If were at all possible, she looked even more endearing to him. But what hit him most was that she seemed so relaxed and secure, like she knew she was in a safe place.

InuYasha's chest felt tight as he rested his head against his seat and just looked at her. It was true though. She was safe. And he'd give his left arm to make sure she always felt that way around him.

If only he could.

His eyes fell as he turned away from her. Who was he kidding? How the hell would he ever be able to protect Kagome when he couldn't even keep himself out of trouble? Why did he keep deluding himself? The only way she'd ever be safe was if she was as far away from him as possible. Not until he broke free from his hell could he ever give her what she deserved.

But what about him? Could he deny the peace she gave him? This was the first time in his life he ever felt like he could be happy - truly happy. It wasn't something he was willing to give up, and it was the very thing he had been trying to avoid since she walked into his life. But if he let her go, would it be best to have things go back to the way they were? He knew it was something he could handle. He lived his whole life without her, why should now be any different?

It was different now because he had been given the choice. He had been given the chance to change one moment for the better. And it terrified him. Moments like this didn't come by everyday, and they certainly didn't come to people like him.

His eyes closed as he breathed in the warm vanilla of her scent. It wasn't like he was given Kagome; it was the fact that she gave him something. What, he still couldn't figure out. But it was enough for him to doubt everything he had known. It would be so easy to just cast whatever she was doing aside, let things go back the way they were. Everything would make sense then, and his whole life wouldn't feel threatened. It would be easier to just let it be the way it was.

His eyes opened slowly. Yet if he did that, he would be giving up his last chance to feel good again. He knew no one else could ever make him feel like she had. And he didn't want anyone else to try.

His gaze turned back to her tranquil form. So what was he supposed to do? Waste away like he was in exile? Or surrender to fate?

His eyes drifted to her pinked lips and his heart wrenched in his chest. How was it possible to feel like he finally had two feet on the ground and yet felt like the heavens were falling down on him? When he looked at her, he felt he had everything to prove, and yet he knew he had nothing to gain. If only he could change it all, break free from the past, maybe then…?

InuYasha shut his eyes in regret. He knew he'd never be able to break free. He was walking a path he didn't want, living a life of bad choices. But it was all he had and there was no getting away from it.

Was there?

His amber eyes opened to rest on perfect harmony. Her silky hair reflected the sun like a blinding halo and a faint smile traced across her full lips as if all was right with the world. She exuded innocence and tranquility in such a way that he couldn't fathom how her tender body could stand its intensity. Could it be possible that his salvation could be found in something so soft and simple? Could she have the answers to change everything? Could she help him to be free like she was? She seemed so much like an open book, but one that would take him a lifetime to read and understand.

His gaze automatically drifted from her lips down her satiny throat to rest on her soft, bare shoulder where her t-shirt had slipped as she slept. She was faultless in every way, like a rich diamond cut and polished to perfection from the darkness she once lived in. Light shone through her in a radiance he never knew anyone could possess. How was it possible? How was it possible for someone to be so flawless?

Kagome shifted closer to the window in her unconscious need to get more comfortable, bringing InuYasha out of his reverie as she turned from him. Snorting at his foolish thoughts, he was about to turn away from her before his gaze caught on a vivid white mark behind her far shoulder.

He frowned in confusion. What the hell was that?

He leaned closer to her body, reaching out to touch the mark that extended down below her shirt before a hand grabbed him hard from behind. Jumping in his seat, InuYasha whirled around to see two laughing pairs of eyes staring at him.

“Shit, Yash. You have to wait for a girl to be unconscious before you make a move?” Kouga snickered and jumped behind Miroku before InuYasha could grab him.

“Shut up, dickwad!” InuYasha growled as slumped back in his seat and crossed his arms contritely.

“Hmm?”

Three male eyes turned and peered at Kagome as she stretched lazily and rubbed her eyes.

Blinking the haze from her mind, she turned to the three men before looking at the warehouse then back at them. She frowned at the smirking faces on Miroku and Kouga and the contrary glower on InuYasha's. “What's going on?”

“Nothing,” Kouga grinned as he leaned on the doorframe and winked at Kagome. “Miro and I were wondering what was so interesting about the view, since InuYasha has been staring so intently at it for the last few minutes.” His eyes roamed knowingly up and down her body.

A furious snarl erupted from the singer's lips as InuYasha launched himself from his seat and half way out the window, clawing at Kouga's form as the blue-eyed man struggled to get away. Wild cursing and threats of death filled the air as InuYasha tried to undo his belt and keep a hold of Kouga at the same time.

“Hey, Kags.” Miroku murmured as he walked by her window, knowing full well to get out of harm's way. When her attention turned to him, he subtly motioned his hand over his shoulder and nodded at hers.

Frowning in confusion, Kagome lifted her hand and felt a small scar showing on her back. She quickly fixed her shirt. “Thanks.” She mouthed.

“Fuck, Yash!” Kouga yelped as he wrenched himself from the man's hold and fell on the concrete. “Get a grip!”

“I will once I get out of this damn car!” InuYasha flared as he struggled with his seat belt.

“Shit!” Kouga jumped up from the ground and ran to the warehouse without a second glance.

Miroku just chuckled before he followed after. “See you both in there.”

InuYasha gave up on his seat belt and fell back hard into his seat, glaring furiously out the windshield. A deathly silence permeated the inside of the car as InuYasha seethed in bitter humiliation. Fucking Kouga and his fucking big mouth. Now Kagome will know he was staring at her like a lovesick puppy! How the hell was he supposed to get out of this now?

“It's okay, you know.” Kagome's gentle voice flowed around him like a soothing breeze.

“What?” He snarled low, dripping hatred and venom as much as he could into his voice. The last thing he wanted was for Kagome to think anything Kouga said was true.

“That you were staring.” She murmured.

“Feh. I wasn't staring at anything! Kouga's full of shit!” InuYasha barked and gave her a stern glare, telling her to drop it.

Kagome blinked in puzzlement and her mouth opened in a small `o'.

“What the fuck does that look mean?”

Kagome shook her head and looked out her window. She was expecting him to ask about the scar Miroku pointed out, but apparently he didn't notice. Instead, his attention was on something else entirely. “It means I understand.”

InuYasha turned away uncomfortably. “Understand what?”

“That you didn't want to go in the warehouse right away.”

InuYasha blinked in clouded confusion as his head quickly swung towards her. “What?”

“Apparently you've been sitting here staring into space.” Kagome shrugged as her cerulean eyes flicked up and down the brick alleyway in front of them. “You don't want to see Kohaku.” She turned her quiet gaze towards him. “So it's understandable that you wanted to take your time and think about things before you did.”

InuYasha's mouth opened and closed as what she was saying finally registered. She thought he was sitting here thinking about Kohaku! Sudden relief was soon swamped by confusion. What the hell did he have to think about regarding Kohaku? Unless she thought that….

“Are you saying you think I'm scared to see that… that…!” He sputtered.

Kagome shook her head. “No. I'm saying that you're wise to put things into perspective before you go in. I think it's a good thing to enter a situation with a level head.”

InuYasha's mouth closed and he slumped down into his seat, his golden eyes flicking over every knick and hole in her steering wheel. “Feh, I'm fine. What's there to think about?”

The girl shrugged and looked back out into the alley. “I don't know. Normally thoughts just come whether we want them to or not.”

InuYasha frowned and lifted his fingers to trace the insignia on the steering wheel. She was right. Now that he was confronted with it, his mind was racing. He had been procrastinating going into the warehouse, and thankfully Kagome was the perfect distraction. But now there was no avoiding it. His eyes glanced over to the warehouse and he was silent a few moments before he spoke in discomfort. “What … what am I supposed to say to him?”

“Nothing if you don't want to. Maybe hello just to be polite.”

He snorted. “Yeah, that will make up for everything.”

Kagome leaned her head back against her seat in an attempt to get comfortable. “Well, as far as Kohaku is concerned, `everything' is right here and right now.” Her baby blue eyes drifted up to him. “Just give him a moment of your time and let him take it from there.”

InuYasha's lips curved down in doubt. “It's not that simple.”

“A million things can happen in one moment, InuYasha.” Kagome reached over and traced her fingers along his hand that rested wearily on the steering wheel.

Slowly, amber eyes drifted up to meet tender blue.

“We can't let an entire life be governed by one possibility.” She said softly as she took her hand away.

Her eyes held such strength and understanding that InuYasha found it impossible to doubt what she said, yet he had no idea how to let go of his fear. He pulled his gaze to the floor. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

Kagome's warm lips lifted into a graceful smile. “Be yourself.”

InuYasha couldn't help himself. He chuckled darkly and turned away. “That's the last thing I should be.”

His heart throbbed hard in his throat as her voice said his name with such softness and gentleness.

“InuYasha.”

His golden eyes reluctantly turned towards her and got captured in her saddened gaze as she sighed.

“Being yourself is the only thing you haven't been.”

InuYasha faltered, not sure whether to be shocked at her truthfulness or offended by her audacity to say such a thing to him. His conflicted mind struggled to respond but was stopped as she turned from him to look forlornly at her glove compartment.

“It's the only thing I've ever wanted from you.” She murmured. “Yet you try so hard to be everything you're not.”

InuYasha's mouth shut tight as his tongue ran dry and his chest beat painfully. Never had one sentence struck him with such guilt and shame. His head fell unconsciously as he turned away from her at a loss of what to say. On one hand he wanted to berate her for putting him in his place, on the other he wanted nothing more than to give her what she wanted. Time seemed to pound away fractions of his life as he just sat there, unable to do anything more than that.

A soft sigh flowed beside him as a click of a seat belt was undone and the opening of a car door jarred him out of his disgrace.

“Don't….” He mumbled.

Kagome halted from getting out of the car. She turned and looked at him. “What?”

InuYasha's mouth pursed as he breathed in hard and deep as he struggled to bring his emotions at bay. His eyes danced all around him, trying to avoid looking at the woman beside him before he slowly parted his lips. His voice sounded strained and tight against them as he struggled to speak.

“Don't… you ever worry?” He murmured.

Kagome relaxed back down into her seat. “Why? What would that accomplish?”

InuYasha's gaze lowered to the floor.

Kagome let out a heavy breath before she bit her lower lip nervously. “Yeah… I worry. Truth is I worry all the time.”

Amber orbs drifted up to look at the young woman as she fidgeted with her nails.

“I worry about my friends and family. I worry about the Shikon House and the band.” She let her hands drop to her lap. “I worry about a lot of things.”

InuYasha's lips twisted down slightly. “So you're worried you can't handle them all?”

Kagome shook her head. “I never worry about myself.” Her softened eyes looked out into the alley. “I worry about everyone else's safety and happiness. I worry over the choices they make.”

InuYasha frowned. “Why would you worry about that? That's beyond your control. They determine their own life.”

“I know.” Kagome smiled slightly before she turned to him. “But isn't that what worry is? The uncertainty of things we can't control?”

The singer blinked then turned away. “People make their own choices. You have to accept that not everything comes out like roses.”

“No.” The azure-eyed beauty sighed as she looked out the window to the warehouse. “But sometimes I wish some choices didn't have to be made.” Her gaze seemed to drift inward as her voice quieted sadly. “And sometimes I wish other choices were decided.”

InuYasha fell silent as he listened to her words. He could only guess she was thinking about her family and the bomb that killed them. From what he could remember, the tragedy was a random terrorist attack by an unknown gang. He briefly wondered how anyone could make the decision to trigger a bomb that would kill thousands, but then again, it was never a choice he would have to make.

“So, yes, I worry.” Kagome smiled softly, cutting off his train of thought. “But all I can do is put my faith in that they will make the right decisions. And in the long run, everything will be okay.”

InuYasha looked slowly over at her, unsure what to say. He doubted that anyone should put faith in anything. When it came to choices, most chose what was easy, not necessarily what was right. Isn't that how he lived? Making the easiest choice to get out of dealing with the consequences? Funny thing was, every time he thought he was making the best choice for himself, it tightened the noose around his neck, limiting the choices he had left. All he wanted to do was escape and deny everything he had done, everything that he is. But he could never escape the life that was slowly choking him.

InuYasha growled bitterly. “Nothing will be okay, not if you trust people to be what they are. We're victims of circumstance just trying to get by.”

“Is that what we are?” Kagome's heavenly eyes drifted up to meet his.

He pulled his gaze from hers as he turned sourly to his side window. He wasn't sure how to answer without incriminating himself even more.

“I think… that we are defined by the choices we make.” Kagome turned her face back to the alley. “Circumstances are only instances where we are forced to make a choice. Some people may choose the easy road, and others the more difficult. Those choices create who we are. We can't hide from what we've done, because there is never escaping the face we see in the mirror.”

“Mirror?” InuYasha looked at her with a quirk in his brow.

Kagome nodded. “We alone know why we made the choices we did. We know the truth and we can't hide it from ourselves. We see the truth of what we have done when we look in the mirror. It's then a question to whether we are proud of what we see.”

InuYasha shook his head and turned his deadened eyes out into the alley. “There is very little to be proud of these days. Most would rather live their lives hiding the truth of what they really are than face the fear of losing everything by confronting it.”

Kagome sighed softly. “Then I guess it becomes a matter of deciding what you'd rather lose. Your fear or your self.”

Silence permeated the car before the drummer spoke.

“It's getting hot in here.” Kagome flicked her eyes over at him before she nodded toward the warehouse. “Coming?”

InuYasha turned his gaze from the alleyway to her, mesmerized by the deep insight that lay hidden within the questioning eyes that stared kindly at him. Even now, she didn't hold it against him. She knew he held himself back, hiding behind a mask, yet she never thought ill of him or asked him to change, even though he knew that was what she wanted.

Instead, as he watched her beautiful eyes soften as she looked at him, he was left to make a choice.

But was the risk worth it? Was taking the road out of his addictions and hatred and self-loathing worth the pain and hardships he would have to endure to get out of them? Yet looking at her, the vision of everything he ever wanted, sitting there beside him gave him the worst fear he had ever encountered - the fear of losing her.

“Yeah,” He nodded once; surprised at how calm his voice was though his heart was beating a tattoo against his chest. “Let's go.”

Climbing out of the car, he was stunned when he saw that she waited for him then walked beside him to the warehouse. It was such a small gesture, but he appreciated it all the same. It was a somewhat comfortable silence as they walked, though InuYasha's mind was going a mile a minute. He wondered what she was thinking. What she thought of him. Would she like the real him?

But most of all he wondered if he could give her what she really wanted.

“InuYasha?”

InuYasha looked down at her as she stopped suddenly. He tilted his head warily as she peered uncomfortably up at him.

“Do you have any gum?”

-+-

“It's about time you showed up.” Sango grouched as she tossed Miroku a can of soda. “Funny that the man eager to rehearse would be the last to show.”

InuYasha gave Sango a snide face as he lifted a hand, gesturing for a soda as well.

Sango stuck her tongue out at him as she tossed him a can.

“Kohaku,” Kagome smiled as she headed to the boy who was sitting on the nearby couch playing Final Fantasy VII, the remake. “Have a good night?”

The boy grinned up at her as she leaned over the couch's back. “It was good.”

Kagome giggled at the teenager and ruffled his hair. “Good to know.”

“Oh! Turn it up!” Kouga pounced onto the sofa by Kohaku. “This is where Sephiroth comes in. I love the new music style they put into this one.”

Miroku flumped into the armchair beside them. “Yeah. Much better than the original, though the original is the original.”

InuYasha rolled his eyes at them as he came up beside Kagome and thrusted a soda in her hand. “Here, you need caffeine.”

Kagome looked down at the can in her hand then up at the uncomfortable frown on his face as he watched the television. She smiled softly. “Thank you.”

InuYasha flicked his eyes down at her and gave a half shrug. “Whatever. Just get normal.”

“Kagome? Normal?” Kohaku smirked as he stared hard at the game. “That's asking for a miracle.”

“Shut up.” Kagome whacked the back of the teen's head.

Kohaku chuckled and glanced up, his eyes widening a fraction when he saw InuYasha. “Hey! It's you!”

InuYasha stumbled back as Kohaku hopped up from the couch, the game completely forgotten.

“I love your music.” Kohaku extended his hand to the singer. “I'm a big… huge… fan!”

InuYasha looked quickly over at Kagome before slowly taking the boy's hand. “Fan?”

Sango chuckled as she threw an arm around InuYasha's shoulders as the boys broke apart. “I told the kid we're old friends and not to be star struck when you got here, but it seems you still have an admirer.”

“Still?” Kohaku glanced questionably at the woman.

“Please!” Sango rolled her eyes and stalked over to the couch to flick off the TV. “When you were a toddler you stuck to Yash like gum to his shoe. You thought he was the coolest thing ever.”

Kohaku blushed and InuYasha turned away uncomfortably.

“I didn't see it.” Sango smirked at InuYasha. “Still don't.”

“Feh.” InuYasha grumbled and stalked over to the practice area. “It was a long time ago.”

Sango frowned slightly at his back. “Yeah, I guess it was.”

“Yeah, well, any guy who had been labelled as one of Japan's greatest and is wanted by millions of women is cool in my books.” Kohaku countered as he headed towards InuYasha. “Either way, I'm glad to finally meet you… again.” He smiled.

InuYasha peered over at the boy, unsure what to say or do. He flicked his eyes over at Kagome to see her give an encouraging wink before turning back to Kohaku and giving him a faint nod. “It's… good to have you back.”

Kohaku beamed as the rest of the band headed to their instruments to get ready for practice.

Sango sidled up to InuYasha as he adjusted his mike while keeping an eye on Kohaku as Miroku and Kouga gave the kid a hard time about his hero-worshipping.

“It's okay, Yash. He doesn't know.” She gave him a faint smile. “As far as he's aware, I lost him during the riot at our house. He doesn't know what was involved. Right now, all he cares about is who his family is.”

InuYasha gave her a quick glance and continued with what he was doing without responding.

Sango smiled as she watched Kohaku laugh and joke with her friends. “He's a great kid. He turned out to be everything we wanted him to be.” She nudged InuYasha slightly before she moved to her keyboard. “You'd be proud to know him.”

InuYasha grunted as he went to check on his amps but watched the young man on the sly.

Kohaku did look happy, like everything should be as it was. He reminded the singer of the times before everything went to hell in a hand basket. Times before he…. InuYasha grimaced slightly and turned back to what he was doing.

Sometimes life can only be lived if parts of it were forgotten. If only others were so lucky to have that option. But for the rest of them it was just a matter of killing the pain. Everyone has to hide some part of them selves, because living wasn't safe, not when there was something to take away a piece of you every time you tried and failed. Not when you were reminded daily of the worst choices you ever made.

Golden eyes flicked up as a soft giggle erupted from Kagome's lips and InuYasha's hands slowed at what they were doing.

Kagome was different. Nothing about her was normal. She laid everything out there for the world to see, and yet she remained unharmed.

His eyes lowered to the floor. Even when those have tried to bring her down, she still remained high above them all. How? How did she do it?

`I think we are defined by the choices we make.' Her voice whispered inside his head. He looked back up at her as she laughed with a heart wide open.

He couldn't imagine her being anything else than that - so alive and vibrant. She was true to herself.

His eyes turned slowly to Kohaku and he blinked at the vivid brown eyes that danced and beamed in ease. The teenager was so much like her in that respect. Though the boy lost so much, suffered so much, he still kept himself wide open, unafraid of the possibilities of what could happen to him. He was so sure of himself, even though he had a life held in complete darkness.

`You'd be proud to know him.'

Amber orbs fell to the floor. Given different circumstances, he just might be. But right now, at this moment, he was scared of him. Not for who he was, or for what he might know, or for what he will someday realize. No. He was scared because he didn't know who to be in front of him.

His face drifted up to Kagome as she headed to her drums.

To be your self, that's all he needed to do. But he didn't know who he really was. He spent his whole life being something he wasn't to survive. And now, he could lose it all by being that way.

His eyes shut as he turned away. Be your self. It was something so simple, and yet completely impossible. Because who he really was, was nothing he was proud of.

“Hey, are we playing today or what?” Kouga hollered.

InuYasha glanced around and saw that everyone was in place. Finishing up with the amp, he nodded.

Music soon pounded through the warehouse walls as Perdition rehearsed through the afternoon, even allowing Kohaku to play with them for a few songs that he knew. Hours passed and yet no one seemed to notice. Laughter and ease seemed to come from everyone, everyone except one withdrawn singer. It wasn't until it was close to nine and Perdition was having their final break for the night that it was finally addressed.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened or do I get the delight in guessing?” Miroku murmured beside InuYasha as the singer watched the two laughing women walk into the bathroom together.

InuYasha turned quickly to his friend. “What're you getting on with?”

Miroku shrugged as he looked quickly around. “I don't know. Just thought maybe something happened between you and Kagome….”

InuYasha flushed and quickly gulped down some bottled water. “What makes you think anything happened?”

“Well, for starters, you drove her here… in her car, this after Ayame calling to say Kagome didn't come home last night.” The grey-eyed guitarist smirked knowingly.

InuYasha gave Miroku a deadly glare. “And this makes you think she and I slept together?”

Miroku lifted a brow. “Well, I wasn't thinking it went that far, but it's obvious something happened.”

InuYasha gulped down more water. “And why is that?”

“Well.” Miroku grinned. “The way you two stare at each other kind of gives something away.”

“Stare?” InuYasha coughed lightly on a drop of water that didn't go down the right way. “I wasn't staring at her! I give a rat's ass about her!”

“No?” The raven-haired man smirked. “I guess not if you missed the looks she was giving you.” Miroku was about to walk away before he was hauled back.

“What looks?” InuYasha asked, his voice low.

“Why do you care? Or is this rat's ass you'd give for her the one that shits out treasure?” Miroku smiled knowingly.

“Shut up, fucktard.” The singer hissed. “She was looking at me? How?”

“Oh, like that.” Miroku nodded over to the bathroom.

InuYasha turned to see Kagome and Sango coming out of the bathroom. Kagome's eyes had immediately connected with his. His very being felt shocked to the core as something deep inside the hollow of him screamed to touch the heat that was spreading through him like a wild fire by her expression. It was something he hadn't felt in a lifetime - something he thought died long ago. Something that finally woke up and was fighting to break free.

The look only lasted a moment before she flushed slightly, gave him a shy smile and quickly turned away.

InuYasha's mouth parted slightly, stunned at the reaction his body had made by one simple glance. Why hadn't he seen that look from her before? What did it mean? And why did it make him feel so vulnerable and giddy like he was floating on air? Almost like she touched….

“Whatever you did or didn't do, you certainly took the right road.” Miroku slapped a hand on his friend's back before he whispered in his ear. “Keep going that route, you may just get it all.”

Get it all? InuYasha watched dumbly as Kagome headed back to her drums. He didn't even know what he did to earn that look, let alone anything else. But God, what he would give to have it all.

But what could he do? Ask for a chance? A chance for what?

To be felt.

His throat went suddenly dry as her sky eyes drifted once more up to him and he quickly looked away, ashamed of the reaction he was bound to feel. He didn't deserve that look. And in actuality that look wasn't even for him. It was for the man she wanted him to be. If he took it as he was it would be a lie, something that would destroy whatever she felt for him. She wanted the real him and it was someone he could not give.

He just wasn't ready to let go.

“She doesn't know who I am.” InuYasha said bitterly. “She wouldn't look twice if she did.”

Miroku glanced over at Kagome then back to his friend. “I think she sees exactly who you are. Maybe it's you that can't see it.”

InuYasha gave Miroku a warning glare but it went unnoticed as the man stepped over to his guitar. Giving Kagome one quick peek, he growled contritely.

“One last song, then we'll break for the night.” He said as he headed to his mike.

“Sounds good.” Sango stretched. “Anything in particular?”

InuYasha was silent for a moment before he nodded. “Yeah, something mellow.”

“Ah, you mean something like this?” Miroku grinned mischievously and began a slow solo on his guitar, bringing everyone into the know. Soon, Perdition joined the music, leaving only the voice to bring it all together.

InuYasha scowled at the knowing smirk on Miroku's face. Just like the asshole to chose this song, but he couldn't not sing it without making a scene. Turning to his mike, he sang the verse flawlessly.

Someone falls to pieces

Sleeping all alone

Someone kills the pain

Spinning in the silence

She finally drifts away

Someone gets excited

In a chapel yard

And catches a bouquet

Another lays a dozen

White roses on a grave

Yeah….

Keeping his eyes on nothing, he beat out the words that have been plaguing the truth from his very soul.

And to be yourself is all that you can do

Hey…

To be yourself is all that you can do

His eyes drifted unconsciously to Kohaku and watched as the boy strummed his fingers in time to the beat without a care in the world. A sour twist bit hard inside InuYasha's gut and he turned quickly away.

Someone finds salvation in everyone

Another only pain

Someone tries to hide himself

Down inside himself he prays

Someone swears his true love

Until the end of time

Another runs away

Separate or united

Healthy or insane!

His hands fisted tightly against the mike as the music struck a venomous chord.

And to be yourself is all that you can do (all that you can do)

Yeah….

To be yourself is all that you can do (all that you can do)

Hey…

Be yourself is all that you can do

InuYasha tossed his head back slightly to rid his sweat stained bangs from his eyes. He turned with the rest of them to watch Miroku play his electric guitar, his scarred hand stretching as he handled the instrument with ease. The experienced guitarist moved with a confident grace that clearly defined Miroku, joined by the cocky ease that was Kouga. Both seemed to be in their element, without any trace of deceit against them selves. How he envied that.

His golden eyes danced over to Kagome, mesmerized by her swaying body as she pounded the drums. Almost as if she knew, she broke her eyes from the guitarists and lifted them up to meet his own. InuYasha immediately turned away. He knew what would happen if he met her gaze and he wasn't ready to let anyone see his weakness.

Even when you've paid enough

Been put upon or been held up

Every single memory of

The good or bad faces of luck

Don't lose any sleep tonight

I'm sure everything will end up alright…

You may win or lose.

He just didn't want to lose anymore.

But to be yourself is all that you can do

Yeah

To be yourself is all that you can do

Ohh….

His fingers twisted hard against the mike, his heart hitching hard against his throat as his very being felt like it was being ripped apart.

To be yourself is all that you can do (all that you can do)

Ohh….

To be yourself is all that you can do (all that you can do)

He couldn't let go. He didn't know how… but if he didn't, he'd lose more than he'd care to admit.

To be yourself is all that you can…

Be yourself is all that you can…

Be yourself is all that you can do….

InuYasha panted hard as the song faded out. Slowly, for the first time in a lifetime, golden eyes lifted, open and alone, begging to find the man he lost inside himself.

A/N: Be Yourself, by Audioslave.

Another chapter done! And my excuse for why I haven't updated sooner is a sooky one, since I have been a sooky person for the last few months. For those who have children, you may agree or slander me, for those who haven't - take heed. Pregnancy sucks!

Well, the first three months do.

How can something the size of a golf ball kick the crap right out of you?! I have never been more tired in my life! The very reason why I haven't updated because every time I look at the computer I fall asleep, or get queasy and have to lie down. I seriously have slept between 12-15 hours a day during my first trimester. It's not so bad now that I've entered my fourth month, but man! The last three were the longest I've ever lived. If falling into coma states weren't bad enough, the food aversions and smells threw it over the edge! I HATED eggs and meat my first trimester! If I smelled any of it I got sick. Thankfully I haven't thrown up yet, but man, I gag over everything! Even the smell of my own husband! Sigh. He was a little upset that his very presence made me dry heave. But let's face it, bitter coffee breath is not a great kiss taste, neither is whatever else he ate that sent me running. At least now it's better. Now I don't sleep as much since I have to pee every hour. I still hate eggs, but I can eat beef and poultry again, and my husband can again squeeze a boob sometimes without me punching him in the balls to let him know what it feels like. *Sigh,* getting back to normal again, and feeling heavy! We heard the heartbeat a few weeks back, and next month we have our first ultrasound. I'll keep you all updated! Anyways, I have to pee.

Enjoy every moment, even the sucky ones! And always, always be true to yourself.

Live, love and laugh!

WDW