InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Demons Within Us ❯ Revelations ( Chapter 29 )

InuYasha had never tasted whipped cream and berries. No one had ever shared with him that luxury, not even when he was a child. But if he had to guess the flavour it would be exactly how Kagome's mouth tasted at that moment and he wanted to savour it forever.

 

It was with regret when he finally pulled himself from her tantalizing lips. Panting softly, he looked down at her breathless face where his ego boosted smirk met her heavy lidded eyes. To finally have her in his arms, to feel the pleasure of her kiss was amazing, and he wanted more. Scanning quickly around, he bit his lower lip and led her back to the dark corner for privacy. What he had in mind wouldn't do in such an open area. Kagome seemed hesitant as she followed. Her shy unease would've been endearing if it weren't for the heated rush his body was under when he thought about what he wanted to do with her. Upon reaching the secluded corner, he pulled her hands up to his chest and nuzzled her forehead to bring her attention back to his face.

 

“Trust me.” He whispered huskily.

 

Kagome never responded as she looked up at him with those fathomless eyes, but neither did she pull away. Taking this as acceptance, he gently cupped her flushed face and kissed her lightly over and over again, pulling her lips into the soft suction of his own, testing her boundaries of how far she'd let him go. But he soon found he couldn't get enough, for the further into her he went the more he craved.

 

With a heavy, surrendering groan he ravished her mouth hard, hot and without a care. His desperate hands fell from her face to roam her sides and back, fisting into the satiny material of her rippled shirt as he pulled her flush against him. The mild friction between their two bodies stimulated his desire to a point of breaking and he had to feel more or die from the need. Stumbling forward, he shoved her body heavily against the wall, pulsing his heat and hardness against her while his tongue raked and pillaged her mouth in a furious assault. Never before had he lost so much control over a damn kiss. What was it about her that made him lose his mind?!

 

Maybe it was because many women would have succumbed to him by now. They'd pull his hair, lift a leg and rub against his member, or groan like a bitch in heat. They were overly responsive to his lust and gave into it just as readily, but not Kagome.

 

With her he felt like he was being swept away.

 

Her hands were like rivers of reverence as they slowly flowed over the ridged muscles of his arms and back, easing him as her fingers danced over the hard contours, eroding them into softened planes. Every touch sent him into a trance where his mind became clouded and instinct called his every action. He wanted to claim this woman, mark her and fill her with himself so that no other could be given that first right. Greed mingled with lust, jealousy with pride, and raw fury with apathy. He needed to dominate and own her, but the more she touched and tasted of him the more consumed he was within her. He was lost in every subtle sigh, every quivering moan and every startled gasp she made.

 

He, on the other hand, could make no noise. With her he was breathless. His body felt charged as all his vices dueled with her virtues. Patience, kindness and chastity poured forth with each diligent touch and each modest flick of her tongue. The more he ravished her, the deeper he sank into her innocent spirit. His raging inferno could not consume her and have her indulge in his burning wake. Instead she responded as if she were drifting in the moment, taking in everything her senses were feeling and not as a quick gratification of her desires. This, whatever she was doing to him, was not sex to her and it confused him greatly.

 

His topaz eyes opened a fraction to see her face and what he saw made him shudder with desire. Blue diamonds barely shone through midnight lashes, glowing with fathomless light as she took in everything he did. It was then that he remembered how new this was to her. She was as pure as fresh fallen snow and had never experienced carnal pleasure. And here she was in his arms feeling it all for the first time, but feeling what exactly he couldn't imagine. All he knew was that he was the reason for her pleasure. It was a notion that made him feel valued above all others.

 

He breathed in her soft, heavenly scent and his eyes closed as he lost himself in her tranquil abyss. Never before had this felt so right, never had it felt so chaste. The most primal of all bodily desires and it felt almost… spiritual. The need to touch her became too great, as if he needed to feel if she was real and that her warm flesh would prove it. Emitting a soulful sigh, his hands delved down to the hem of her shirt where inch by inch he drifted his fingers up to reach her smooth skin. Just as his fingers grazed the soft silk of her sides his wrists were suddenly gripped hard.

 

InuYasha pulled back slightly to grin teasingly down at Kagome's apprehension but was instantly startled by the trepidation found on her lowered face.

 

“What's wrong?” He frowned.

 

She did not reply, though her hands trembled slightly against his.

 

InuYasha forced out a slight chuckle as his eyes flicked up and down her troubled form. “Too much? We can go somewhere more private.”

 

She shook her head once and looked back up at him with a gaze that conveyed how much she wished to tell him, but no words reached her throat as she turned her subdued face out into the crowd.

 

Silence seemed to echo in their secluded corner and it rapidly swallowed him in doubt. Was it something he did? Was she regretting what they were doing? Maybe he was mistaken in how she was feeling. Turning his gaze uncomfortably away, he stepped back as he tried to pull from her grasp.

 

“No.”

 

Her voice was barely traceable above the pounding music around them but it hooked him with its timid command. Standing still, he held his breath as he waited.

 

Eventually a quivering sigh escaped her lips, but it held a trace of resolution. Turning determined but concerned eyes back to him, Kagome closed the distance between them but did not move her hands from his wrists. It was several moments before her soft voice continued. “You asked me to trust you.”

 

His frown deepened in sudden wariness as he turned back to her.

 

“I just need to know,” her deep blue oceans flowed up to meet his autumn moons as she pulled his hands to trace along the hem of her jeans. The warmth of her flesh teased the tips of his fingers. “Will you trust me?”

 

Blinking out of the sensations emitting from her touch, he looked up at her with uneasy confusion. “Trust you?”

 

Her eyes lowered to stare blindly at his chest. “To show you what I really am.”

 

Fear shadowed behind his confusion. What she really was? What more could she possibly be? Miroku's words of a fallen angel crept into his mind, but he quickly tossed the absurd idea aside. Still, morbid curiosity compelled him to find out what she meant. His eyes flicked up and down her form as if trying to visibly see any change about her, but she was still Kagome: beautiful, flawless… wonderful. Without realizing, his hands lifted to graze the satiny skin of her stomach in question. The heat and softness was like touching the surface of a warm bath, but the flesh was firm and corporeal, and very much tempting.

 

His eyes flowed up to her face when he heard her hold in a slight gasp, but she did not move as she allowed his hands to explore. Her tender gaze rose up to meet his and they stared silently into each other's eyes as his fingers spread slowly to trace the bottom of her ribs and a stray thumb dipped into the hollow of her naval. Amber irises darkened as the torrent of her blue mellowed into relaxed twilight pools. Groaning softly, he dipped his nose into the silky waves of her hair and folded himself into her essence. Sensitive gooseflesh rose and thrummed against the hardened pads of his hands as she shivered against his touch.

 

His eyes grew heavy at the intensity of just a simple caress. Her skin felt like soft feather down and just as warm. Whatever she thought she really was, he could not see her as less than perfect. And he wanted her - all of her. Gently he ran his fingers over the tips of the raised bumps, smoothing them back into her skin with his heated strokes as he moved his hands to her sides.

 

A hitch in her breathing brought his attention back to her face. He pulled back slightly to look down once more into her eyes, but they were hidden behind shadowed lids and a fearful expression marred her smooth brow. Aching to ease her trouble, he reached behind her to pull her close, allowing his soothing fingers to stroke the entire length of her back, yet what he felt was not the smooth, warm skin of her body, but ridged contours of hard, mangled flesh.

 

Cold shock slapped him severely and he quickly wrenched his hands out from under her shirt with a gasp. Stepping back, he automatically looked down at his fingers as if expecting to see what he had touched was there on his skin. Seeing nothing there, he flexed his fingers to wipe away the unnatural tingles sweeping over them. What the hell was that? He quickly looked back at Kagome with horror, almost anticipating to see someone else standing there, only to be set back by pained tears rolling down from her closed eyes. His mouth parted as he watched her, unable to sort out the million thoughts erupting in his mind save one. But she did not speak. Instead she lowered her head and made no move to answer his silent question.

 

Slowly searching her frame once more, he took a tentative step closer and reached for the hem of her shirt. When she did not object, he hesitantly lifted it to reveal jagged white marks spanning the length of her back. So white were the scars on her torso that they nearly glowed silver against the darkness of the corner they stood in. An inhaled curse passed quickly from his shaken lips before she pulled away from him as if burned.

 

He barely had a moment to gather his thoughts before she pushed past him, quickly swiping the tears from her face. In a desperate reflex, he turned to pull her back but stopped when she suddenly froze and stared towards the dance floor.

 

Following her gaze, his attention scarcely registered Sango and Ayame peering uncomfortably at them from the edge of the crowd before he took in the fury radiating from Hojo's eyes from where he stood a few feet away. Fuck, this was not what he wanted to be dealing with right now: a jealous and drunk choirboy.

 

The inebriated man flicked his attention from InuYasha to Kagome and back. His countenance dripped venom as his eyes told InuYasha exactly what he thought of him. “What do you think you're doing with Kagome?”

 

InuYasha blinked in disturbed guilt and confusion. His eyes flicked over to the woman in question but he suddenly found he couldn't look at her. Pale, he turned unconsciously back to Hojo at a loss of what to say or do. All he knew was that he needed fresh air to breathe. Stepping back, he shook his head and turned to leave.

 

“You fucking asshole!” Ayame and Sango tangled their arms around Hojo's chest as he attempted to launch himself on the singer while Kagome moved to block InuYasha's fist when he attempted to defend himself.

 

“You fucking asshole!” Hojo seethed again as he tried to wrench his arms away from the two women. “You have no right to touch her!”

 

InuYasha tore his fist from Kagome's grasp and backed quickly away from her, tearing his eyes to the floor as she tried to console him. The room seemed to be spinning and he couldn't make sense of anything. He just wished he had a moment to think but that was far coming as Hojo spoke again.

 

“Do you think you're too special now? Do you think she'd taint you if she touched you?” He ripped his arms out of Ayame's and Sango's hold but didn't make a move against the singer. “Thought she'd be the perfect fuck until you saw them, didn't you?”

 

Rage and humiliation pierced InuYasha's body like a thousand hot blades as what Hojo was saying finally sunk in. Flashing his furious gaze up at the man, he snarled. “Shut the hell up! Don't act like you know shit about me!”

 

“I know you have no honour! You're not worthy to see the scars she carries!” Hojo spat out. “You would never have survived what she's gone through!”

 

Fury and pale awareness rendered InuYasha speechless. His hands clenched in a desire to beat the man senseless for his accusations, but he found he couldn't move even if he wanted to, not with the feeling of her eyes watching him.

 

“At least now she knows.” Hojo stated vehemently. “She can finally see you as you really are.”

 

“And what am I?” InuYasha responded in a threatening tone.

 

Dark brown eyes cringed as if looking at something disgusting. “You're nothing.”

 

“Hojo! That's enough!” Kagome glared coldly at him.

 

Hojo blinked and looked at her as if he forgot she was there. “I'm trying to protect you, Kagome. He'd never understand. He'd never see you for you. I mean, look at his face!” He glared back at InuYasha. “He's disgusted by you.”

 

InuYasha's breath left him in traumatized numbness. That was a lie! He could never feel that way about her! She was perfe… she was…. All his mind could see was a scorched body and he felt sick to his stomach. It couldn't be true. Hojo couldn't be right. If not, then what the hell was the matter with him? Why couldn't he look at her? All he had to do was turn to her and deny what Hojo was saying. All he had to do was yell out that Hojo was wrong. But he couldn't. He couldn't even breathe.

 

“InuYasha?” Her soft voice begged him to answer.

 

“Look at her!” Hojo yelled.

 

InuYasha's bloodshot eyes turned murderously up at him.

 

“InuYasha?”

 

A bead of sweat trickled down his brow and he turned blindly to Sango but she remained silent as she watched him with anxious pleading.

 

“InuYasha… please.”

 

Trembling, he looked out at the oblivious crowd before them, yet he could barely make out their forms as darkness seemed to want to envelop him.

 

“Inu….” A soft catch hitched in Kagome's throat and she fell silent.

 

As if witnessing a massacre, golden orbs finally pulled unwillingly towards the woman beside him. His teeth clenched within his hardened jaw as he watched Kagome's mouth open in hopeful question before it quickly fell in wounded realization. Unable to stand it, he let his gaze drop to the floor.

 

“You see, Kagome?” Hojo sneered. “He's just like the rest of them.”

 

InuYasha shut his eyes before opening them to see the satisfied smirk on Hojo's face. His chest burned as his breathing came and went in jagged rasps. Raw emotions fought for dominance within him, and still he couldn't deny Hojo's words. He couldn't trust himself to speak at all.

 

A quiet sob issued beside him as Kagome looked imploringly to Sango, Ayame and finally back to InuYasha, but no one spoke.

 

Fragrant vanilla and spice turned bitter against his raw, choked off throat and he turned away as Kagome rushed past him and into the crowd.

 

“Kagome!” Sango shouted as she and Ayame ran after her.

 

Hojo took a few steps back, daunted by the darkness looming from the man in front of him. “You should thank me, you know. She'd never understand. She'd never understand why you don't deserve her.”

 

Angry tears scorched InuYasha's cheeks as he turned to finally face the merciless fucker, but Hojo was gone. Hot blood pounded in his shaking palms when he achingly released the cracking tension of his fists. Slowly he shut his eyes again from the world, yet he could not escape the screaming inside his head. He finally knew the truth of why he couldn't look at her. And it was too late to take it back.

 

-+-

 

“Did you know that English is the second official language in Hong Kong?” Kouga stated over the drone of the Mercedes-Benz limousine as he read from his Hong Kong Guide book.

 

“Over half the world speaks English, doofus.” Miroku snorted knowingly as he gazed contentedly out his window.

 

“Considering that English is the official language of business, it would make sense.” Sesshomaru said coolly from the rear seat as he tapped up an email on his Meidou smartphone. “Many countries have adopted the language as a rule in order to deal with trade and finance. Even you will benefit from speaking it.”

 

“Would that explain why you insisted that many of our songs be in English?” Miroku smirked from the side row of the town car.

 

The stoic businessman continued to type. “The less ignorant you are, the further ahead your success will be. Should you prove adequate in the final challenge, you may find your popularity exceeded beyond the Eastern Hemisphere.”

 

“What you mean to say is: `Hollywood, here we come!'” The guitarist grinned.

 

“You will find more success in China than you would in the Americas. Hong Kong helped China to become the leading world power. The US cannot rival its role when it comes to money.”

 

“What about you?” Miroku leaned over his seat to smile teasingly at their manager.

 

Sesshomaru barely blinked. “I merely contribute to its influence.” He pressed send and automatically handed his minicomputer over to his daughter beside him so she could continue to play her game.

 

“Pity,” Miroku sighed as he flopped back against the hard leather of the couch. “I was looking forward to visiting that mansion filled with….”

 

“Are you sure you want to finish that sentence?” Sango glowered beside him and he smiled sheepishly back.

 

“Did you know that only 25% of Hong Kong is developed while close to 50% is reserved for park land and nature reserves?” Kouga continued as if no one interrupted his FAQ.

 

“What's with the trivia, Ko?” Sango pulled her venomous eyes from her boyfriend to continue flipping through a paperback novel that she picked up at the airport.

 

Kouga barely lifted his eyes from the guidebook to scowl at the tinted window behind her. “I just needed a distraction.”

 

“From what, man?” Miroku grinned smugly as he folded his hands behind his head. “We're in Hong Kong, the weather's perfect, we're riding in a personal limo to stay at a five star hotel, and millions if not billions of people will be watching us perform in just two days.”

 

Kouga's scowl deepened. “That's what I'm worried about.”

 

Kagome smiled softly beside him and rubbed his arm. “I'm nervous too. But hey, how many can one day say they played in the Battle of the Orient?”

 

The bassist lifted his arm and hugged her by his side. “The ones who didn't win.”

 

Light laughter trickled out over the cabin, which made a feigned sleeper flinch as if slapped. InuYasha opened his eyes bitterly towards the end of the opposite row to watch Kagome comfort Kouga's anxiety. Burning jealousy washed over him as he saw her lean against the other man to read a passage in the guidebook. It was his own fault, he knew. It was his cowardice that pushed her away, or else he would be sitting next to her, touching her, kissing her, and not be resigned to keep from playing footsie with the imp-like man that was Sesshomaru's assistant.

 

His gaze flicked in front him in disgust as he watched Jaken spit out sunflower seed shells into a handkerchief in his hand. A high-pitched snort and a hiss of sniggering ricocheted in InuYasha's sensitive eardrums as Jaken laughed at a British comedy on his Meidou. It was bad enough having to sit next to the man on the flight here, having traded his seat with Kouga, and not even half way to their destination was he ready to kill the annoying bastard.

 

He rolled his eyes at the inhumanity of his situation and shut them in an attempt to block out the banter in the car.

 

The last few days passed swiftly on a river of emotion. Two days of promos kept the band busy that anytime alone was rare. It suited InuYasha just fine. He drowned himself in Perdition's advertising and played the part well for both fans and the media. His band was a fast favourite in Japan and he was making damn sure they would also be a world sensation come the Battle of the Orient. The third competition had become his obsession to finally bring everything together, and it was the perfect distraction from the very thing that threatened to tear him apart.

 

Turning up the iPod that had been glued to his ears since the beginning of the whole journey, he quickly drowned out Kagome's sweet voice, though he was hard pressed in his want to hear every word she said. The very thought of her had his chest throbbing in sensations he couldn't fathom and it hurt to breathe. Cringing, he quickly turned his thoughts to the upcoming competition.

 

The Battle of the Orient would spread over three nights where several countries would battle in their respective genre of music. Perdition was scheduled to perform on Friday evening among other artists of Hard Rock and Metal. Miroku had joked that it was the Music Olympics, especially with all the preparations and security being put in place for the event. Threats of sabotage and racism among the competing countries were publicized often in the media. He smirked wryly. It was proving to be a good show. Already the animosity was thick between rival bands and there were reports that several minor fights had broken out between fans and even a few band members. Thankfully the rivalry didn't expand beyond petty fistfights and bar time brawls. However, it did enforce a heavy penalty. Any member of a band caught fighting was automatically disqualified from the competition. It was a threat well respected.

 

Leaning heavily against the back of his seat to get comfortable, InuYasha quickly went over the itinerary in his mind. They were to arrive in Hong Kong and wait to be escorted off the plane. They would then be directly ported to their hotel where they would remain until tomorrow morning. The Battle of the Orient would begin with an opening ceremony at noon where the various bands that were invited would be introduced. After that it would be a waiting game until they were to perform on Friday.

 

It wasn't so bad, he mused. Hong Kong seemed to have quite a night life, so he'd have something to do during their off hours. In the meantime, it was a matter of going through the process: set up, sound check and presentation. After that, he didn't know. The Battle of the Orient would decide the fate of every band competing. The winners were sure to become international celebrities with chances to perform in Europe and even North America.

 

To be a success, to leave the life they knew, it was everything his friends had dreamed of. Yet to him, it was the final nail in the coffin. Part of him feared the minutes leading up to Friday night - the same part that feared winning the final competition. It was if he was awaiting the sentence that would decide the fate of his life. But the thought of running away wasn't an option. He had nowhere else to go. No matter what choice he made, he was still bound to Naraku. He might as well enjoy being a rich man in debt than a poor man in debt.

 

His eyes drifted open to stare blindly down on his crossed arms. Weariness swept over him like a chilled blanket. He had put in a lot of work in his endeavour to win the last competition and doubled his efforts for this one, but in the end it didn't matter. He was still trapped. There was only one path for his freedom and the possibility of that happening….

 

He snorted softly and shoved the thought away, but the nagging trace of doubt and unease cloaked his insides. His hands clenched tight within the confines of his arms and he scowled down at the watch on his wrist. How much longer was this damn trip anyways? He really needed a smoke.

 

Sighing, he rested his head against seat and looked out the window behind him. The low evening sun glowed a pale light over the Tsing Ma Bridge that led from the Chek Lap Kok Airport to Kowloon, their final destination. The ripples on the water below glittered like intense bright silver, which dazzled the eyes, but he found he couldn't look away. The scene felt detached from the busyness of the bridge above it and for a few brief moments he felt his mind grow silent.

 

Too soon signs of industry and walls of windows blocked out the natural world to reflect the neon and florescent lights of the city districts they drove through.

 

Numbly, InuYasha blinked his eyes blearily away from the road drawing closer to their hotel and looked once again around the long cabin of the limo. All sets of eyes seemed to be now looking out at the various streets and towns they passed through - all but one.

 

InuYasha's mouth parted slightly as he caught the profile of Kagome's subdued face. Her left cheek rested against her seat and her eyes were barely open a fraction, but he knew she was awake. Watching her faded expression was like seeing the sun turn cold and waiting for the world to die. He wanted to call out to her. Hell, he wanted to scream for her to open those eyes and look over at him. Yet he was terrified she would.

 

Kagome turned when Kouga asked her a question and InuYasha quickly looked away to keep from accidentally catching her gaze. How pathetic he was.

 

He shut his eyes painfully against the gloom that threatened to overtake his senses. He had never said a word to Kagome after that night at the karaoke club. He was ashamed of what he did, but more so he was deadened for the reason why he did. Countless times he went over those final moments with her in his mind, and not once could he come close to redeeming himself. Had he walked a different path in life, maybe he could. Had he known someone like her existed, maybe he would have made better choices.

 

Or maybe he would have never met her at all.

 

But that was speculation. This was real. He knew it was real because nothing else could hurt this badly. He had run out of choices and from it he had run out of chances. There was nothing left to do now but regret.

 

The limo began to slow and he begrudgingly opened his eyes. Looking up at the entrance of their destination, he managed to read `Marco Polo Hongkong Hotel' before the car stopped in front of the valet.

 

“What? No press?!” Miroku frowned sullenly as he looked out his window.

 

Sesshomaru barely gave the man a glance. “The competition will see over one hundred and eighty bands in the course of three days. You seriously think reporters have the time to chase after every musician in the city?” Sensing Miroku's crestfallen aura, he sighed before exiting the limo with Rin. “You will have your moment at tomorrow's orientation. Until then, stay out of trouble.”

 

“What sort of trouble does he think I'll get into?” The guitarist feigned hurt innocence.

 

Everyone gave Miroku a knowing glare before following after their manager.

 

-+-

 

InuYasha pressed mute on the remote when a loud knock echoed on his hotel door. Giving the wooden surface a bitter glance, he growled contritely before flicking the channel on the flat screen hanging on the far wall. “What!”

 

The knocking continued.

 

Sighing angrily, he tossed the remote on the bed and swung his bare feet to the floor to answer the annoying sound. Wrenching the door open, he scowled. “Fuck, what do you want?”

 

Miroku smiled brightly and sauntered past the contrary man. Flicking his eyes around the deluxe suite, he turned back to the individual who sorely looked out of place in such a refined room.

 

InuYasha lifted a brow as Miroku slowly took in his tattered pajama pants and faded red t-shirt. “You better not be pitching for the other team, shit stain, because I ain't catching.”

 

“Huh?” Miroku blinked before realization smacked him on the forehead. “What? No! I'm here to drag you out with us.” He frowned at the rips on InuYasha's shirt. “But it seems you settled pretty well in that slump you put yourself in.”

 

“What the hell you talking about?” InuYasha let the door shut and returned to the comfort of the king sized bed.

 

“This.” Miroku waved sporadically around the room. “You. Your attitude. You're…sad.”

 

“I'm sad?” An arrogant brow crinkled over an apathetic amber eye. “And how did you come up with that, oh wise and articulate one?”

 

Miroku shrugged. “Just makes sense is all.”

 

InuYasha studied his friend for a few moments before turning back to the television. “I'm really not in the mood for whatever it is you're about to preach to me.”

 

A soft sigh erupted beside him as Miroku flumped his body into the chair next to the bed. “That's too bad, because I think it would really help out the situation.”

 

InuYasha snorted and turned the volume back on. “What situation?”

 

“About how you dealt with Kagome's scars.”

 

InuYasha looked angrily at the guitarist before turning dark eyes back to the screen. “So, you did know about them.”

 

Silence answered.

 

“Why didn't you tell me?”

 

“Wasn't our place to tell. Besides, I don't think even we were to know.” Miroku recounted how they each discovered her secret.

 

InuYasha frowned and cast a quick glance over at his friend before continuing his channel surfing. “Would have saved me the trouble had you told me this sooner.”

 

“And what difference would it have made had I done so?”

 

InuYasha threw the remote to the foot of the bed. “Well for fucking starters I wouldn't have…!” His throat closed tightly and he stared sourly at the bedspread.

 

“Wouldn't have still wanted her? That pretty low even for you.” Miroku crossed his arms and sullenly watched the T.V.

 

InuYasha fought back the bitter retort before tired defeat took over. He shook his head slightly and sighed. “It… it wasn't that.”

 

The guitarist flicked his eyes up to his best friend then back to the T.V. “Then enlighten me.”

 

“It…it wasn't the scars…” he shut his eyes and winced. “I mean it was the scars, but it wasn't what you think. I mean they didn't bother me like that. I….” He growled. “Fuck it, why does it matter?”

 

“It matters,” Miroku leaned his upper body on the bed, “because she trusted you the most.”

 

“How's that possible? She didn't even have the guts to tell me.” InuYasha gave Miroku an indignant look.

 

“Don't you get it?” Miroku snorted. “She never told us about her back. It wasn't until she was confronted about our knowledge of it did she talk about it. With you, she had you find them, trusting you to give her a reason not to keep them hidden. She wanted you to know.”

 

InuYasha's mouth opened and closed in confused misery. “Why the hell did she think she could trust me with something like that? Why couldn't she just have said something?”

 

The dark haired man shrugged. “I don't know. Maybe she still wanted you to see her and not her scars.”

 

To see her for what she really was. His eyes lowered to the floor as grief burdened over his guilt. “Still, it would have been better had I known.”

 

“And what would've that done?”

 

“It would have made me not take the chance.” InuYasha stated dully.

 

“Chance?”

 

InuYasha sighed. “All this time, Miroku, I've been coming up with reasons why I shouldn't try with her. I finally came up with that I wasn't good enough.” He turned to look forlornly at the man beside him. “Seeing those scars proved I wasn't.”

 

Miroku frowned in confusion. “Why?”

 

InuYasha leaned heavily against the headboard and stared unconsciously at the television. “I've given up more in my life for less reasons, using my past as an excuse. And she… she's suffered more than I have, and yet she gained.” His eyes drifted down to the cream comforter beneath him. “Why would she want to end up with me? After everything that I've done…. I have nothing to be proud of.”

 

Miroku was silent for a few moments before he spoke. “Well… if you give her up, you'd be losing the one thing that you would be proud of.”

 

The two men grew quiet and the sound of the T.V. drew their attention to an old anime rerun. They sat in silence as they watched, both lost in their own thoughts. It wasn't until the credits rolled did Miroku finally speak.

 

“You know, I never knew if that fox demon was a girl or a boy.”

 

“It's the bow that throws you.” InuYasha yawned. “Either way, he's annoying. I'd pound the little shit too.”

 

Miroku chuckled and stood. “Well, I think the missus must have her face on by now. You coming?”

 

InuYasha pulled his eyes from a car commercial to study his friend before he shook his head. “I'll pass.”

 

“You can't hide from her forever. You'll need to make amends eventually.”

 

One side of InuYasha's lips turned down in disturbed thought before he shrugged in resigned decision. “No. Just leave it.”

 

“Seriously, man. You can't shun yourself from your band. At least come with us to WacDonalds.”

 

Dark gold flicked up in annoyance. “You seriously think this can be fixed over a burger and large fries?”

 

Miroku shrugged. “I don't know what else to say.”

 

InuYasha said nothing as he stared at the T.V.

 

“I'm worried about you.” His friend sighed. “You're fading. Whatever's holding you back is also sucking your life away. What happened to that carefree, innocent kid I once knew?”

 

“Keh.” InuYasha smirked dully. “There's nothing innocent about me.”

 

“That's a shame. Do you miss it?”

 

InuYasha cast a perplexed gaze to Miroku, but the man already disappeared behind the closing door.

 

-+-

 

 

A/N: FINALLY! Another chapter written and another one in the works. Man, what has it been? One, two, three…. Oh my…well who's counting? The fact is that I got another chapter done! I was going to write more, but I thought I've held of posting long enough.

 

Guess you might want to know the hold up. Well…babies are a lot of work! I mean, seriously, I get up, change diaper, make breakfast, feed breakfast, put Alex down for a nap, change diaper, make lunch, feed lunch, put Alex down for a nap, change diaper, make supper, feed supper, play until bath time, have snack, have bath, have happy naked bummy time, bottle, story and bed. Standard baby schedule… but the spare time gets sucked into a time hole somewhere in there. I think it's located in my kitchen. Ulgh!

 

But aside from that, real life has been busy. Since Oct 19th, 2007, my entire world has changed. Not just the mommy thing, but my whole perception on what I knew and what I thought I knew and what I never knew I knew. Essentially it comes down to this:

 

Alex has a team. He has an Early Interventionist, a Physiotherapist, a Nutritionist, a Neurologist, an Occupational Therapist, a Peri-natal doctor, a peri-natal nurse, a Pediatrician, and the family doctor. He sees at least three of these people once a month.

 

It would be difficult to explain what each do and their role in Alex's life, but he is lucky to have so much support, though all that advice does get to me at times. The reason why he has so many professionals is because my son has cerebral palsy. It's nothing to worry about really. The hemorrhage in his brain caused damage to his motor cortex (as far as we know). The only area affected is the thought process that tells the left arm to move fluidly. His CP is very mild. It won't get worse over time, and it can even get better. His left arm isn't paralyzed. He can feel sensations and can move it and pick up objects (though not as accurate as he'd like), yet it is weaker than his right arm. Because his right arm does what his brain tells it to do all the time, he uses it…well…all the time, and neglects his left arm. His team of doctors is there to boot his butt and make him use his left. So much of playtime is actually “learn to use your left side” time.

 

One thing I'm learning from Alex is that he's very independent. Already 8 months corrected (11 months actual age), he has to feed himself without any help. It's annoying because the dog eats most of his meals since gravity is an interesting concept to Alex. Trying to make mealtime a clean time is like expecting my husband to deal with the recycling and not mess it up. It'll never happen. And he rarely cries, the baby, not the husband. He only fusses when he's tired. He amazes his medical team. They never met a more pleasant baby, and never one so aware and so bright. He is ahead when it comes to intelligence, and if his left arm didn't hold him back he'd be ahead in motor skills too. We are so in love with him. He's very ticklish and thinks his dad is hilarious, which is great, at least someone in the family does. He's very handsome and has this sly smile when he thinks he's being sneaky.

 

I love being a mom. I never thought I would be since I was never good with kids. I wasn't even good with myself growing up. But having that small person look up at you and say “dada” is wonderful. You can only imagine how I'd feel once he starts calling me “mama.”

 

I want to thank all of you who've read the story so far and kept in touch, even if it's to see if I updated. And thank you to those who've reviewed. I'm sorry if I haven't replied to your review, but I did appreciate each and every one of them. And thank you to those who wrote me emails, asking how things are and keeping me and my family in your thoughts and prayers. This year was both hard but also one filled with blessings! Thank you and love to you all!

 

Still living, loving and laughing!

 

WDW