InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Gods' Opinion ❯ Confinement ( Chapter 5 )

The Gods' Opinion

 

Disclaimer: Almost all characters belong to Takahashi Rumiko.

 

Warning: This is a mature story and I mean that in more than this story only containing sexual situations and bad language. It contains adult themes.

 

Summary: Kagome is trying hard to have a baby. But when things don't work out, she visits the best fertility doctor in the world. She finds her feelings and beliefs challenged as she struggles to hold onto her dreams.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

Chapter Five Confinement

 

Hojo found Kagome happily talking to a woman in the waiting room as he made his way from his appointment with Sango. They were engaged in a good conversation for the other woman was smiling and nodding her head enthusiastically at Kagome. Kagome had a way with people. It was a characteristic about her that drew him to her back in high school. You just wanted to be her friend.

 

As soon as Hojo sat down, Kagome ended the conversation, opting to sit silently next to her man, eyes facing down, and her hands resting on her lap. Neither said anything to the other as they waited in silence.

 

“Kagome. Hojo,” Saori's voice rang out, “Dr. Takahashi is ready to see you now.”

 

Hojo took a hold of Kagome's hand. She glanced up at him and he flashed a quick smile before standing up, pulling her up with him. As they walked down the hallway, Kagome felt plowed over by an onslaught of emotions she was suddenly having difficulty controlling. Three words ran loud and clear above the mess in her head: It's my fault.

 

Hojo opened the door for her and she walked in, heading straight to the chair, sitting down in the one directly across from Inuyasha. She was too nervous to remember her manners and the like. It was hard enough to be here when she wasn't ready to hear what she's heard before. Her self-esteem, her self-worth had been shattered and glued back together so many times that she wasn't sure if she could bear the pain again. They couldn't put Humpty Dumpy back together, how was she any different?

 

“Good morning Dr. Takahashi,” Hojo cheerfully greeted the hanyou physician as he sat down in the chair next to Kagome.

 

Inuyasha just grumbled something along the lines of morning. It was Friday. It was still morning and he had the longest day ahead of him. He opened up their file. Last night, he had spent many hours reviewing the results of all of the tests and worked on coming up with a course of treatment plans.

 

“Let's get started,” Inuyasha began, keeping his eyes down on the file. He was afraid to look at her, to get trapped in her eyes. It was enough that her uneasiness, anxiety, fear and every other emotion she was feeling was starting to overload his senses. He was starting to wonder if they could even get through this meeting.

 

“Simply put, both of you are normal. We found no physical abnormalities in either of you that would prevent conception. The only concern I had was from the post-coital swab results. The sperm can penetrate and survive in the mucus of the cervix; however, there wasn't much semen there.”

 

“But, we've done artificial insemination,” Hojo reminded Inuyasha.

 

Kagome glanced to the side, staring at the plush carpet in the office. It is my fault, she thought, I didn't, and I couldn't orgasm. Or, maybe it's my eggs. We did go through artificial insemination. Hojo's semen has been tested, but what about my eggs? Oh gods, I've got rotten eggs. I am the rotten egg.

 

Inuyasha sensed a change in Kagome, from fear to utter despair. However, he wasn't going to pursue it here. She had an appointment with Sango later today and he'd make sure to tell Sango about the feelings he felt from her.

 

“I'm going to ignore all previous treatments Kagome's undergone and start fresh. This way, I can properly monitor everything.”

 

Hojo only nodded. Kagome wasn't paying attention to a word said. How could she? Something was keeping her from getting pregnant and the best doctor in the world didn't even know why. Was she that hopeless?

 

“And we're going to start at the very beginning.” Inuyasha pulled out a piece of paper he had prepared in the file and handed it to Hojo since he was the only one being responsive.

 

“Hojo, first, I recommend that you wear loose pants and switch to boxers if you don't already wear them. No bike riding, no horseback riding. You'll have to cancel all trips to the sauna and hot tub. I'm also recommending that you cease from any alcohol consumption.”

 

Hojo just nodded again. He saw these recommendations listed on the piece of paper handed to him. After this, he would have to go boxer shopping. Never had he worn them, even when swimming, he preferred Speedos instead of swimming trunks.

 

“Next, we'll all work together to monitor Kagome's ovulation.” At the mention of her name, Kagome looked up at Inuyasha. Her eyes met his and she then quickly pulled the look away. “There are three ways to do this. One is that you'll have to take your basal body temperature. Second, monitoring your cervical mucus. And lastly, there's an ovulation predictor kit. We'll supply you with a thermometer and a kit for your use.”

 

Hojo just continued to nod along like he was a bopping head figurine on someone's car dash. Kagome didn't have to listen to this. She already knew what to do and how to do it. There was a calendar in the bathroom that she used to track her cycles for over the past two years. The calendar was full of marks and reminders, dates that indicated the best time for intercourse, dates never fulfilled.

 

Damn, she thought, I'm more intimate with my calendar than with Hojo.

 

“Lastly, I'm not going to tell you to, or order you to, but I'm going to encourage you to have more sex.”

 

Kagome quickly turned her gaze to Inuyasha. He was encouraging her to try to have more sex. Did he not understand that once should have been enough? It was with girls who didn't plan on having a baby. With girls that didn't even want children, those too young or those who were a victim of a sex crime. Once should be plenty.

 

It pained Inuyasha to suggest that, but he had to, as a professional. But that look on her face, the one she gave him, what did it mean? As much as he might have wanted to ask her about it, he couldn't, for his own sanity. It was enough to tell her to have more sex with another man. No, it was too much.

 

“It doesn't have to be every day, but every other day, every two days, whenever you can. And I also encourage you to try other positions, if that's something you're comfortable with. There's no evidence suggesting one position over another. Which positions actually work the best just depends on the individuals.”

 

He wasn't going to ask them which positions they've tried. He didn't even want to know. His mind would make him see them in that position, only serving to drive him mad. But he did his part, let them do with it as they saw fit.

 

“Let's see. It seems that both of your diets and lifestyles are particularly healthy. I already ordered to take supplements Hojo, so Kagome, are you taking prenatal supplements?”

 

“Wha . . . uh, sorry. Prenatal pills? Yeah, for about two and a half years now.” Kagome felt embarrassed that she had been caught spacing out. If her mother had her way, Kagome would've been on prenatal pills since she turned fifteen. Though, Kagome recommended them as a daily vitamin supplement for all women as part of an assignment for her nutrition class. They had everything in them.

 

“Good.” He flashed her a quick smile, hoping to calm her down a bit. She smiled back, his smile working.

 

“Are there any questions?” Hojo and Kagome shared glances and gentle shakes of no. “Okay then. I think that about covers it for the both of you. You can pick up the supplies from Saori. We'll give it a week and have you come back in for another post-coital swab to make sure that it wasn't just a one time result fluke.”

 

Hojo stood up and Kagome followed. “Thank you very much Dr. Takahashi,” Hojo politely replied, giving a slight bow to the hanyou. Inuyasha didn't return the gesture. “Ready Kagome?”

 

“Oi, Kagome, can I speak to you privately?” Inuyasha blurted out, not quite ready to have her leave.

 

“Uh, sure. Hojo, why don't you get the stuff from Saori and I'll meet you by the elevators.”

 

“Okay.” Hojo then bounded out of the office.

 

Inuyasha got out of his chair and walked up to Kagome. He had to be near her, even if for a brief moment. And at least he had an excuse. An excuse made this gesture, his need less intrusive and less creepy.

 

“I wanted to thank you for the ramen. It was the best I've ever had.”

 

All of Kagome's negative emotions melted away for that moment. Her eyes were lit by the soft smile that graced her full lips. “Really?” she asked excitedly.

 

“Keh, I wouldn't lie about food.” He swelled with a certain pride he never felt before as he was the reason she was suddenly happy. And he hadn't helped give her a child yet.

 

Kagome blushed. She found herself nervous around him for all of the wrong reasons. He was exotic, crude, rough; everything Hojo was not. Perhaps it was because he was something different. Like buying a pair of fuck me stilettos when one only wore loafers. There was excitement in something new and wild. That was Inuaysha.

 

“Well, I better, um, get . . . uh . . . going. Uh . . . um, he's waiting for me . . . “Kagome stumbled through her words, even forgetting Hojo's name.

 

Inuyasha took a step closer to her, trespassing into her space. Kagome looked up at him, never backing away. Her heart thundered in her chest, those pesky butterflies were all riled up again and Kagome found herself unable to breathe. His presence, his body, being so close to hers . . .

 

“I gotta go,” she muttered as she somehow managed to escape from him. Kagome hurried to the elevators, panting not from the running, but from the oddly pleasant encounter with the exotic hanyou.

 

“You okay?” Hojo asked, concerned for her unexpected condition.

 

She nodded as her breathing slowed to a pace near normal. “Yeah. I just . . . I didn't want to keep you waiting long. I know you need to get back to work.”

 

The elevator opened up and the couple entered. Hojo pressed the basement button taking them down to the parking garage. The ride down was quiet, only because Kagome chose not to talk. She didn't know what to say. She found she had nothing to say to Hojo.

 

Kagome walked with Hojo to his car. “Here,” he said, handing her the white paper bag that had her fertility supplies nestled inside.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“You're staying here?”

 

“Yeah, I have my appointment with Dr. Taijiya and it's easier if I just stick around.”

 

“Alright. I'll see you at home later then.” He flashed a quick smile as he climbed into his black Beamer, started it up and drove away.

 

Alone. Surrounded by mechanical monsters that had interfered with her life twice, taking away the most precious and loved men in her life.

 

The smells of gasoline and oil suffocated her, filling her nostrils and lungs, robbing her of clean fresh air. Kagome felt light headed and sick to her stomach. She spun around several times, confused, searching for an exit. Where was it?

 

She fled to the elevator as soon as she spotted it. Once the doors opened, she flung herself inside; pushing random buttons, praying the machine would lift her safely from that hell. Backing into the corner of the metallic box, her hands gripped the stainless steel handle bars, turning her knuckles white instantly. She closed her eyes, forcing herself to calm down by taking several deep breaths.

 

The familiar ding followed by the opening of the doors alerted Kagome that she had reached a place that wasn't the basement. But she couldn't open her eyes, afraid of letting go of the bar, just in case she ended up right back there.

 

“Are ye all right child?”

 

Kagome opened one eye followed by the other to see an elderly woman with an eye patch standing in the door jam of the elevator.

 

“Oh, I'm sorry, I was just . . . well . . . “

 

The old woman smiled. “It's all right. This place can be a bit daunting.”

 

Kagome relaxed a bit at the kindness she heard in the old woman's voice. “Yes, it is.” She loosened her hold on the bar. “I should be going. Sorry to have held you up.”

 

“No worries. I'm not in any hurry. Are ye coming or going?”

 

“I'm . . . I'm going. Uh, appointment . . . upstairs . . . Takahashi . . . “she stopped when she mentioned his family name so informally.

 

“Ah, trying to have a child. I wish ye luck.”

 

“Thank you. We'll see how it goes.”

 

“Did ye just start treatments?”

 

“No yet. I just received the results from the initial round of tests.”

 

“Aye. Inuyasha is a good doctor. Ye will be with child in no time.”

 

Kagome smiled. “I hope so. I shouldn't be holding you up.”

 

The woman waved her hand at the young girl. “Bah. Whoever or whatever it is of mine, it can wait.”

 

“I'm Kagome. Higurashi Kagome.”

 

Higurashi, the old woman thought. That Higurashi? “I know who ye are.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“I am Kaede. I'm on the board of directors.”

 

“Oh. I'm so sorry to have bothered you.” Kagome quickly walked passed the woman, bowing several times.

 

“Nonsense. But I do hope we will have the pleasure of running into each other again. I hardly get to meet any of our patients.”

 

“That would be wonderful. Nice meeting you Kaede.”

 

“Aye, same here Kagome.”

 

Kaede watched the young girl as she left as she left the clinic. Now she understood. And it was a shame as well. Kaede made her way into the elevator and let the machine take her back to work.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

Kagome sat in the waiting room quietly preparing herself for her appointment with Sango. She was here a whole half-hour early. After being late last week, she didn't want to be embarrassed and rude to her doctor like that again.

 

“Kagome.”

 

Kagome stood up at the sound of her name. The receptionist was smiling at her. Kagome took a few steps forward, tightly clutching onto her purse.

 

“Dr. Taijiya will see you now.”

 

Kagome nodded, her lips pursed tightly as she made her way down the hallway to Sango's office. The door was cracked open, inviting Kagome inside without any need to knock or to announce her arrival. Kagome made sure the door closed behind her, not wanting anyone to interrupt them.

 

“Good afternoon Kagome,” Sango greeted her young patient.

 

Kagome bowed to the psychologist before quickly slamming herself into the chair she sat in last week. Sango checked all of her instruments, the videos, the audio and the timer. All were on and ready.

 

“So, you had an appointment this morning. How'd that go?” Sango began as she sat down in her chair across from Kagome.

 

“No surprises really. We're both healthy and normal except for the part where I can't get pregnant.”

 

“Well, true. And which treatment did Dr. Takahashi suggest for you?”

 

Kagome felt a rush of heat flash through her body as the mention of her doctor's name. “Enhanced natural conception.”

 

Sango chuckled. “Wow. I've . . . I've never hear it called that before. How do you feel about this enhanced method?”

 

“It won't work. I . . . I know I'm supposed to trust him, as he is my doctor, but, we've been trying it naturally for so long. How is this doctor any different? What sort of magical powers does he possess that no one else does?”

 

Sango sensed Kagome's frustration. And it was slightly amusing. Any other woman who started out on this treatment had blind faith in a magic they wanted to believe that Inuyasha had. No woman had challenged or questioned his methods before. Until Kagome. Sango was going to put this part in bold, capital letters: Patient Challenges Doctor.

 

“He doesn't. He's just . . . “Sango tried to find the right word. But she knew Inuyasha too well. “He's just meticulous.”

 

“That may be, but, he better not be doing this to milk money out of me.”

 

Now Sango had to really laugh. “Believe me, he doesn't need the money.” Sango's laughter died when she saw Kagome staring out the window.

 

It was another beautiful mid-spring afternoon. Neither woman could remember the last time they had seen any evidence of a cloud. Crystal clear blue skies, a warm, blanketing sun and a cool breeze to keep the temperature comfortable, all of this was a stark contrast to the turbulent storm in Kagome's mind and grayish eyes.

 

“I was wondering, Kagome, if there was anything you felt like you wanted to talk about.” Sango opened it up for Kagome to choose what was bothering her the most. If not, Sango had issues to discuss with the girl, like marriage.

 

“Okay.” There was something Kagome wanted to talk about. “So, you're a psychologist. Do you have a specialty?”

 

“Oh, you mean like a focus? Yes. Sex and relationships. Here, I help couples with infertility as well as women who are experiencing difficulties with their minds in a sexual manner.”

 

This was good Kagome thought. But now she had to actually ask her question. It was so . . . private and . . . embarrassing. Actually, it wasn't that. Kagome just didn't think she would be the one to have to question the abilities, or inabilities, of her own body.

 

“Have you . . . and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but . . . um . . . have you ever had an orgasm?”

 

Sango was not expecting Kagome to ask about that. But the question alone stoked up vivid memories of her last sexual encounter. Damn him, curse him, and Kagome as well. Now she was going to sit here for the rest of the afternoon craving that man's shivering touch.

 

Sango looked blissful, fulfilled from what Kagome could tell from that tiny hint of a grin. “Well, that answers that,” Kagome grumbled, slumping into the chair. There really is something wrong with me.

 

“Kagome, why do you ask such a thing?” Sango leaned forward in her chair.

 

Kagome looked up at Sango. “I guess I should start at the beginning.”

 

That beginning was last night.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

Once a month, if not more, Kagome and her friends from college would get together for dinner, drinks, and fun. They met at `Curves Ahead', one of those always busy and noisy hot spots that have at least a forty-five minute wait for those without reservations. But they didn't have to wait. They never did.

 

Three of the girls, Eri, Yuka and Ayumi, not only went to high school with Kagome, but college as well. There, they met Ayame, a wolf demoness that finished their tight-knit quintet. It was in their sophomore year in college that the five of them rented a small, yet cheap apartment. They lived there together until graduation, despite the protests of their boyfriends at the time.

 

The dinner ritual started out as a reason to keep some type of personal contact with each other. But, it always ended up as a reason to hear about the exploits of their romances and sex lives, at least for some of them.

 

Ayame was betrothed and mated to a powerful wolf demon. She was the friend of Kagome's that was perpetually pregnant. She was carrying her fourth child. Ayumi was also married and just announced the pregnancy of her second child. Yuka was planning on her first marriage, though it was her third engagement.

 

It was Eri that really kept the girls coming back each month. Eri was a trained anthropologist which explained some of her behavior. The rest couldn't be explained other than she was Eri and that was how she always was. She was the freest spirit of the group.

 

The other girls enjoyed living vicariously through Eri as she weaved into and out of the groups of outcasts and subcultures as she did what she called hands-on research. Of course, she never did indulge which theory of hers she was researching. But none of that scholastic nonsense mattered.

 

When the food had been served, Ayame, Ayumi, Yuka and Kagome briefly explained where they were at in their lives. Dinner was always a quick meal. It was during dessert when the conversation really turned sweet. Eri's life story was always reserved for the last part of the evening since hers took the longest to explain.

 

Eri fell into the pattern of dating a different man each month. Not just different, but men from varying subcultures. There was the very older man, the boy still in high school, the raver, the nudist, the bike messenger, a man who claimed to be a descendant of Dracula and several others. Eri was exploring each one sexually.

 

The college age waiter decked out in more muscles than the girls could count brought out the desserts. It didn't matter what they ordered, for it was all communal. Eri's eyes lingered on the waiter until he disappeared from her sight.

 

“He might be the flavor of next month,” she said huskily as Ayame twitched her nose. Everyone else just giggled. If Eri did pursue that particular guy, he was going to have the best month of his life.

 

“So,” Yuka smirked as she sucked off some of the whip cream off her finger, “Eri, what's been happening in your life?”

 

Eri slyly smiled, keeping silent to build up some tension in the girls. “I have found the one.”

 

The other girls were speechless. They exchanged confused and excited looks. Then they all directed their curious gazes back to Eri, who still had that sly smirk on her face. She took a casual sip of her drink, stalling the telling of her own story.

 

“God damn Eri, get on with it,” Yuka cried out, unable to bear the suspense any longer.

 

“It's not marriage, is it?” Ayumi asked. As smart as she was, sometimes, she was utterly clueless.

 

“Oh nonononono. No. Me? Marriage? I don't think so Ayumi,” Eri quickly shot down that idea. She had to laugh at the ridiculous notion of marriage. Her? Marriage? Antonyms.

 

“So, who is this man that's got you all tongue-tied?” Kagome asked, trying to get Eri to spill her guts. Normally she was a bit more forthcoming with her stories.

 

“Let's call him Ken,” Eri stated.

 

“Why? Is that not his real name?” Ayumi inquired as she was near finishing her bowl of ice cream and was already pulling Yuka's dessert closer to her.

 

“Well, he may be somewhat of a celebrity,” Eri quietly spoke not wanting to attract any more attention.

 

The girls giggled as they speculated over who this mysterious Ken may truly be? Movie star? Singer? Politician? Oh, the possibilities. And the scandal. Was he married?

 

“But,” she shouted to calm their chattering, “that is nothing. It's a blimp, a speck in my story. Who he is no way compares to what this guy can do.”

 

That statement quieted the girls. Ayumi dug into Yuka's dessert for she was too busy waiting on Eri to notice the disappearance of her treat. Eri took another sip of her drink to give her mouth enough lubrication for the amount of talking she was going to do, as well as the added squeaks for emphasis.

 

“We met at this party. Immediate attraction. I played it cool, drew him towards me. He approached me, struck up a conversation, bought me a drink or two before giving me his number as well as asking for mine, which I found strange, but promising at the same time.”

 

“Two days later he called and asked me out to dinner. It was on the third date that I ended up inviting him to my place. Well, as soon as the door clicked close, our hands were all over each other. Lips, tongue, clothes getting ripped off in a primal frenzy to just be au natural, to have skin on skin.”

 

“So, we're in bed and I start thinking that he'll most likely want me to pleasure him orally before anything else were to happen since that is so, so common.”

 

Ayame and Yuka nodded at each other, agreeing with Eri's off hand comment.

 

“Nope. That night and every moment we spent with each other after that, it was all about me and my pleasure. Anything I wanted, whatever turned me on, he was an expert at it.”

 

“That sounds nice,” Ayumi commented as she dug into Eri's dessert.

 

Eri chuckled knowing that her friend was focused more on the food than the point in her story. “Let me put it this way. I had been orgasming, practically nonstop, for seventeen days.”

 

This not only silenced the girls at Eri's table, but any other woman within an earshot of their table. Eri grinned proudly as she finished off her drink.

 

“Seventeen days?” Yuka asked, glancing down at the engagement ring perched and sparkling on her finger. “That's . . . wow . . . that's . . . “

 

“Impossible.” Everyone looked over at Ayame as she finished off her giant plate of dessert and started picking at Kagome's. “Unless he was demon, or something.”

 

“Nah, he was all human. I thought he might be a god, but nope,” Eri sighed as she reminisced about him before moving on with her story. “But wait. During our time together, he never came.”

 

“Bullshit. That's a fucking lie,” Yuka hollered. “It's . . . it's impossible.”

 

“He could've masturbated at home, or had some quick lay with some other woman, but never with me. His fingers, his tongue, it was so wonderfully magical. That entire time, my head was fuzzy, as if I were in some surreal fantasy, or on some really great drugs. All of my senses were on overload.”

 

Kagome watched as the other girls nodded, somehow empathizing with Eri. This wasn't completely about masturbation. Eri was getting this pleasure from all directions. Not only that, but her friends had also received pleasure, a female orgasm by means other than through self-gratification.

 

xxxxx-----xxx-----xxxxx

 

Sighing, Kagome glanced up at Sango as she finished her story. She waited to see if Sango could provide her with some solution to her little problem. If she could orgasm once with Hojo, then maybe this whole baby-problem would be resolved.

 

“You've orgasmed before, so you somewhat understand what Eri was talking about.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And is that accomplished solely through masturbation?”

 

“Yes.” Kagome opened her mouth only to shut it. She wasn't sure where she wanted to go with this. There were women out there who had difficulty achieving an orgasm from sex, and yet, they were still able to have children. So, that couldn't be the only problem wrong with her.

 

“Kagome, what do you fantasize about when you masturbate?”

 

Kagome furiously blushed a strange purple color at the question. She closed her eyes, conjuring up the images that normally strolled through her mind during those private moments she enjoyed while bathing. It was the only place where she could lock the door for that kind of freedom.

 

Tuesday was the last time she let the warm water, steam and the tenderness of her fingers ignite a part of her that only she had access to. What was it that brought her over the edge in the late evening?

 

She remembered closing her eyes, pretending that the warmth of the water that shrouded her smooth skin was the body heat of her lover. Her hands became his as they touched and teased her body, sliding down towards that one place that was desperate for a touch other than her own.

 

That mysterious lover had no face, no voice, just a nice body and talented hands. Tuesday marked a change in that fantasy. The man that had pleasured her assumed more real attributes. He had long silky hair that tickled her exposed skin, haunting golden eyes that could easily examine and bring forth her deepest desires and claws that hinted at something unknown and dangerous.

 

Oh no, her mind screamed as her eyes flew open. That was . . . Dr. Takahashi. Even the ears made it into her fantasy. She groaned. She was so utterly doomed. Her head fell into her hands as she tried to wish away Tuesday all together.

 

“Kagome?” Sango questioned. She watched Kagome start to fall into her fantasy only to come scrambling out scared and confused. It was . . . something unexpected. “What is it?”

 

“I . . . “she didn't want to say it. She couldn't. It would betray Hojo, her feelings and the very foundations of their relationship. “If . . . if I were to fantasize about another person, is that . . . would that be considered cheating?”

 

“Hell no,” Sango blurted out followed by a chuckle. “If that were the case, probably, oh, eighty, ninety percent of the adult population would be considered cheaters. Well, there are some exceptions. I hear that once some demons are mated, they only fantasize about their mates.”

 

“So, I shouldn't feel . . . guilty about him not being . . . Hojo?”

 

“No. A lot of women in healthy, stable relationships fantasize about other men and/or women. Many objects of our fantasies tend to be famous. Those are the popular and safer choices.”

 

“Safer?”

 

“Yes, celebrities, to us normal folk, are untouchable, unattainable, true fantasies. However, a friend, an acquaintance, people we know and see can become problematic.”

 

“How so?”

 

“A person who can fixate on a fantasy of someone close to them could lose the distinction between the fantasy and reality. There's confusion. This leads to false feelings and emotions, unnatural attachments can form that are meaningless to the object of the fantasy. It's hard to let go of a fantasy that isn't real. This can lead to stalking, terrorizing. We do see this with celebrities, but it is more common with non-celebrities.”

 

Kagome became frightened as she listened to Sango explain the dangers of attaching herself to a meaningless fantasy. But it was only one time. There shouldn't be anything to be afraid of. Kagome knew better than to become some kind of psycho stalker. He was just her doctor. Nothing more.

 

Kagome softly giggled. “Well, I guess I'm okay then,” she joked to hide the truth from her psychologist.

 

Sango leaned back in her chair, uncertain of Kagome's behavior. She'd seen it several times from many of her patients, those that were scared to make a confession because of what they thought others would think about them. Sango was only here to help.

 

“Are you sure about that?”

 

Kagome was caught off guard. How dare she insinuate that she wasn't mature enough to let her one little fantasy take control of her life? She thought about other things, other male types. No way was Dr. Takahashi going to permeate into all aspects of her life.

 

“Yes, I am,” she grinded out. Starting now, Dr. Takahashi was just her doctor. He wouldn't be a fantasy, nothing more than some insignificant person in her life.

 

“Have you ever fantasized about Hojo?”

 

“Hojo?” Kagome eyes darted around the room, focusing more on the décor of Sango's office than on trying to answer the question. It was a nice, the blue, green and cream colors, they were calming and relaxing colors. A stark contrast to Dr. Takahashi's office, to the dark earthy tones which only reminded her of being lost in some forest.

 

“Kagome?”

“What? Oh, sorry. I think I used to. I can't really remember.”

 

“It's nothing to be ashamed of. It happens. And to a lot more couples than you think.”

 

That didn't make Kagome feel any better about her predicament. She wanted to ask what it could possibly mean, but she didn't want to hear psycho babble about how this could be something about the death of her father or her insecurities about not being able to fulfill her grandmother's expectations. How was any of this going to help her have a child?

 

“Do you fantasize about Hojo in other aspects of your life? Marriage? Growing old together?” Sango had to bring up the marriage issue, an order from the board themselves. It wasn't much of an order because Sango had planned to discuss it with Kagome. It was just trying to slip the topic in without being so obvious.

 

“I did picture myself marrying Hojo. I still do, but he doesn't talk to me about it anymore, so I don't think about it as much as I used to.”

 

“And growing old together?”

 

“I try not to do that. I . . . I don't want to picture a happy future with Hojo only to have his presence fade because of some unforeseen force that takes him away.”

 

“But yet, you are able to fantasize about other things that may or may not happen.”

 

“I . . . “but Kagome had nothing to say. She was scared to lose Hojo. He meant . . . he was her everything. He was the one that helped her through the death of Grandpa and Souta, her anchor when she felt that she couldn't make it another day without them. Without Hojo, she wouldn't be alive.

 

Sango handed Kagome another box of tissues. Kagome pulled a few out to wipe her tears away. “I love him so much,” she sobbed out. “I can't lose him.”

 

Sango got out of her chair and knelt down in front of Kagome, taking Kagome's hands in her own. She let Kagome cry this one out. There was still so much Kagome held in, she much she wouldn't talk about. Maybe this, her secret, was the cause of her infertility.

 

Considering how unclear and unsure Kagome was about things, Sango was tempted to halt treatments until Kagome worked through these obstacles she created in her head. But that might hurt Kagome more. It was obvious that she placed the blame of her inability to conceive solely on herself. Sango would never accept that. She believed each shared equal responsibility.

 

And a joint session with Hojo wouldn't work either. Kagome wasn't ready to confront him on the issues she held onto. Increasing the number of sessions wasn't a good idea either unless Kagome suggested it. Asking for more or longer sessions would give the impression that there was something seriously wrong with Kagome. And there wasn't. She just had problems like every other couple.

 

“Kagome,” Sango broke the silence. “I want to let you know, to remind you, that you can say anything you want here. Don't be ashamed. These things that you're bottling up inside, it'll grow and gnaw at you and it's best to let it trickle out then to have an explosion of unexpected emotions.”

 

Sango moved back to her chair, getting resituated in the soft material as this session wasn't over with yet. If Kagome decided to sit here in silence for the remainder of the session, then Sango would remain silent as well. When Kagome was ready to talk, Sango was already ready to listen.

 

Kagome took a deep breath, freeing herself from another series of sobbing. Never had she let loose in front of another. Normally, she hid in the bathroom, or a study room in the library at school. She felt oddly comfortable with Sango. Maybe, just maybe, she could open up to the psychologist.

 

Beep . . . . beep

 

“Shit,” Sango mumbled as she jumped up and grabbed the plastic white timer. “Sorry.”

 

Kagome shook her head. “I have to agree with it. It's been a long day.” Standing up, Kagome adjusted her purse strap along her shoulder. “I guess its next week then.”

 

“Whenever it fits our schedules. I'm here for you if you need me.”

 

“Your questions have . . . opened me up to some issues that I do need to talk about, but . . . I'm not ready to tackle them . . . yet.”

 

“I understand. But you will have to. Better sooner than later.”

 

“I know. I know.” Kagome slipped on a little smile to flash at Sango. “Next week then.”

 

“Have a good weekend.”

 

“You too.”

 

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