InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Hanyou Hits the Frying Pan ❯ Allez Cuisine! ( Chapter 4 )

Four

 

Alton Brown kicked in with his signature commentary.

 

“Welcome to Iron Chef America. Today's battle is a first. Our executive producer Mr. Sesshomaru has accepted a challenge from newcomer Inuyasha. That's right folks; just like Cher he has no last name.”

 

The camera cut to a split screen of Inuyasha and Sesshomaru.

 

“Now Sesshomaru maybe handicapped but he has an extensive culinary background. He owns and runs a chain of fine restaurants where he is solely in charge of the menu. Folks if you've eaten at Sesshou, then you already know what Inuyasha is up against today.”

 

Kagome's head began to hurt. He created Sesshou, the award winning Japanese/French restaurant? The very same restaurant where even Hollywood VIPs have to make reservations weeks in advance! This is getting nothing but worse.

 

Alton turned his attention to them.

 

“And is this corner of Kitchen Stadium, are the challengers, a husband and wife team Inuyasha and Kagome!”

The camera did a close up on them. Alton continued.

 

“I had the opportunity to interview Inuyasha a few minutes ago. I think he is somehow related to Sesshomaru but neither man will say how. His experience with food is basically eating it. His specialty is ramen noodles but he swears by his wife's Killer Double Chocolate Cake. I'd like to proudly add that he is a huge fan of mine and has seen every episode of all my shows. He is also an Iron Chef America enthusiast. We can only pray that this will be enough to keep him afloat here today in Kitchen Stadium.”

 

“Today's judges are comedian Mo Rocca, rocker Ozzie Osborne and journalist Shepard Smith. Thank you all and welcome to the show.”

 

Theme music played and a huge cart was rolled before the judge's booth.

 

“Looks like we are all sit to unveil today's theme and secret ingredient.”

 

The floor reporter Kevin Brauch stood by the cart with his microphone ready. A harried Marty jogged out and lifted the white cloth with great gusto.

 

“And today's ingredient will be…..eggs?”

Dozens upon dozens of egg cartons lay out arranged in a circular pattern on the metal cart. Alton glanced at Marty who shrugged. He had fifteen minutes to find a new ingredient and here it was.

 

Alton jumped back in. “Wow that is allot of eggs! But it's a great ingredient for a battle. This could go French, American or Japanese. ”

 

Chairman Dacascos waived his hands in the air then gave his trademark speech, “So America, with an open heart and an empty stomach, I say unto you in the words of my uncle: Allez Cuisine!”

 

 

Inuyasha vaulted the counter and ran to the giant pile of egg cartons. He nearly tripped over Kevin, the floor reporter, but caught himself. He looked back at a worried Kagome. “How many should I grab?”

 

“I dunno, get six or seven?”

 

 

Alton asked, “Kevin, I saw Inuyasha almost stumble over you. Can you tell me what his reaction was when he saw today's theme ingredient?”

 

 

Kevin answered, “Alton I could repeat what he said but this is a family show. Let's just say he was really surprised.”

 

“Looks like Sesshomaru is having a quick meeting with his team, let's turn to team Inuyasha. What are they doing? Well to be blunt it looks like they are just panicking.”

 

“Wait now they are bickering…no that appears to be actual yelling.”

 

“Could be an egg fight breaking out here any moment now.”

 

 

The camera spun to face the judge's panel. Alton chimed in. “Ozzie, what do you think of this battle so far?”

 

Ozzie squinted through his tiny blue glasses. “Ya wanna know what I think? I think team Inu is bleeding fucked, that's what I think.”

 

Alton answered, “Okay we'll have to bleep that but at least it came from your heart.”

 

“Now on to you Mo Rocca, what can you add?”

 

Mo pursed his lips. “Alton this battle is so wrong in too many ways to count. I mean what is that boa fluffy thing wrapped around Sesshomaru's neck? But I do think egg fights could be a ratings booster for Food Network.”

 

Alton chimed in, “That could be true Mo, you just never know. Now Shep what is going through your mind right now?”

 

Shepard Smith gazed down on kitchen stadium. “I am going to have to go with Ozzie on this one Alton. Team Inu is screwed.”

 

“And thank you Shep, let's take you back to Kevin who is on the floor with Sesshomaru.”

 

“Thanks Alton, it appears for his first dish Sesshomaru is making an egg crepe which he plans on stuffing with goat cheese and white truffles.”

 

“Wow, sounds like he is off to a strong start. And team Inuyasha?”

 

“That's a different story Alton. Kagome is scrambling an egg for use in a sushi roll and so far Inuyasha is boiling water.”

 

“That's it?”

 

“Sad but true Alton. We could end up with ramen noodles a la boiled egg here tonight.”

 

 

Kagome used a chop stick to roll up the fluffy scrambled egg. She complimented it with a few pieces of very simple rice balls.

 

The loudspeaker sounded, “Fifteen minutes have elapsed.”

 

“Okay Inuyasha we still need four damned dishes! Got any bright ideas?”

 

He fumbled around plating the first dish. “Umm…not so much.”

She grumbled and paused to think. “Okay let's go American and keep it simple. How bout deviled eggs? Some kind of pie with an egg meringue…key lime?” She chewed her bottom lip.

 

Kevin broke in. “Sesshomaru is preparing a savory soufflé with pieces of shitake mushrooms and a hollandaise sauce to emphasize the eggs and compliment the soufflé.”

 

Kagome rolled her eyes. Does that even go together?

 

“Hey I am so missing the boat on this, Egg Nog!”

 

Inuyasha tugged on her blue uniform sleeve. “Hey Alton did a show where he made mayonnaise with eggs.”

 

“I know how to do that. This kitchen is full of all sorts of fancy flavored oils we could make three flavors and use them as dipping sauce for fried zucchini pieces that were dipped in eggs before frying.”

 

Inuyasha was thrilled, “Now we're talking!”

 

 

The camera focused on Kevin who was holding his microphone in Sesshomaru's face.

 

“Sir, I can't help but notice you are sweating an awful lot and there are these purple lines developing on your face? Are you having an allergic reaction to the eggs?”

 

Sesshomaru growled. “No but if don't wish to visit the Downtown hospital you will kindly remove that mike.”

 

Kevin smiled and stepped away. “Alton it would appear even though Sesshomaru is way ahead of Team Inu he is experiencing some stress.”

 

Alton answered. “It would seem so. However Team Inuyasha has picked up the pace and is now working together! They have eggs boiling and wait! It looks as if Kagome is making gourmet mayonnaise!

 

I'd like to take a moment to remind our audience mayo is an emulsion of oil suspended in egg yolk. I'm telling you Kevin, that Kagome is a woman after my own heart.”

 

Inuyasha caught only the last part of the statement and glared at the commentator's both. Kagome smacked him on the arm. “Grow the hell up! And help me!”

 

 

Alton turned back to the judge's panel.

“So gentlemen, what do you think so far?”

 

Ozzie lay back in his chair snoring. Mo poked him in his side and he shot up out of the chair in a panic yelling, “It's bloody fucking brilliant. Piss off!”

 

Alton raised an eyebrow and paused. “Once again Ozzie well put.”

 

Mo added, “I'm excited about the friend zucchini Inuyasha's very attractive wife is putting together.”

 

Alton frowned. “Mo, don't push the challenger's buttons. He seems to have jealousy issues.”

 

Inuyasha yelled back, “To hell I do!”

 

Mo responded, “I know, I was trying to give you another ratings boost.”

 

Alton said in a flat voice, “How kind. And Shep, you've been awfully quiet. Anything you'd like to add?”

 

Shep smiled. “Well I've been watching team Inu for a while here and I have to say Inuyasha is my kind of guy. I still think he is screwed but he seems like a fun guy and I'd love to see him take on my good friend and colleague, Bill O'Reilly.”

 

“I see. Does O'Reilly cook then?”

 

“Not so much but it'd be a great fight.”

 

Alton made a strange face and turned back to the camera. “Okay Kevin, back to you.”