InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Hanyou Hits the Frying Pan ❯ A merry war ( Chapter 5 )

Five

 

Kevin was standing out of Sesshomaru's reach. “Looks like we have dishes three and four here. He is making ginger custard and that should be a wonderful marriage of French and Japanese cuisine. Dish four appears to be a gourmet egg salad served in a hollowed out dish of daikon. He just keeps knocking these dishes right out of the ball park.”

 

The loud speaker sounded, “Thirty minutes have elapsed.”

 

Kevin sprinted to Inuyasha's part of Kitchen Stadium.

 

“What do you have so far?”

 

Kagome answered, “I am putting together the meringue for a key lime pie. We also are putting finishing touches on our deviled eggs.”

 

Kevin, “Ahhh. So that makes four dishes, time is getting short, any ideas for your fifth dish?”

 

Kevin and Kagome turn to Inuyasha who is behind them mysteriously hacking away at an innocent eggplant with a meat cleaver.

 

Kagome added, “Yes but it's a…surprise.”

 

 

The camera cut away to Sesshomaru who was pouring an egg concoction into the ice cream machine.

 

 

Kagome finished the pie and Inuyasha used a blow torch to brown the meringue. Kagome first objected to him using the torch but he insisted. Ever since he lost the ability to wield the Tetsusaiga he became obsessed with big power tools and the like.

 

All was going better than she expected until he caught his sleeve on fire.

 

It was a tiny fire and would have been quickly solved with a fire extinguisher, but Inuyasha wasn't used to fire extinguishers and didn't think to reach for one. Instead he howled and danced across the set. Then he slammed into the back of Sesshomaru who was busily sculpting his egg ice cream into the shape of a swan. The swan fell from its platter and splattered over the studio floor and Inuyasha, snuffing out the tiny flames on his sleeve.

 

Sesshomaru's composure broke.

 

The porcelain mask of his face twisted and he frowned then grimaced flashing the camera a shot of his sharp canines.

 

He grabbed Inuyasha up by his collar and tossed him easily across the stage.

 

Inuyasha crashed into the stairs by Alton's booth and thanks to his still quick reflexes, jumped to his feet and headed back to Sesshomaru. Kagome ducked behind the kitchen counter. When Inuyasha passed the counter's edge she grabbed him by the leg and pulled him down with her.

 

He realized how pointless it was to do physical battle with his full yokai opponent but the now human Inuyasha could not stand to be outdone. He snatched a carton of eggs and began lobbing them at Sesshomaru.

 

The ruckus woke Ozzie who jumped from his seat, screamed and joined the fray.

 

Alton, who was hiding on the floor of his booth, cut in. “Our opponents here today have elected to settle their differences in a more…physical manner!”

 

An egg whizzed over his booth and smashed into the camera lens.

 

Mo asked. “The question of the hour is whose side is Ozzie on?”

 

Ozzie was running in circles and howling. Ever now and then he'd pick up a chair and throw it at no one in particular.

 

Alton answered, “His own, I think.”

 

 

Shep had his cell phone out and was busily snapping pictures and taking mini clips of film.

 

“The G-Block is going to rock tonight!”

 

Kevin ducked behind the metal cart the eggs had been wheeled in on. “I don't know but for a guy with only one arm, our executive producer Sesshomaru sure can throw a lot of eggs.”

 

 

All in all when compared to their battles of old, this was a merry war. Sesshomaru took an egg in the face and another in his elaborately braided hair.

 

Chairman Dacascos was dialing 911 and Marty was crying in the back kitchen.

 

Alton stayed hidden but peeked out to see Ozzie fighting with a camera man.

 

Inuyasha was covered in broken eggs. He wasn't as fast as he used to be and every egg added to his fury.

 

Kagome stayed behind the counter praying the scene wouldn't make it to cable news. But she knew better. At one point she couldn't resist palming an egg of her own.

 

I wonder if? She held it and thought of the sacred arrows she used back in the Feudal Era. The she threw the egg and scored a direct hit with Sesshomaru's nose. He stumbled and fell over onto the floor.

 

Kagome smiled. I still got it!

 

In the middle of the great egg war of '05 the doors to the studio flew open and a dark haired man with thick black eyebrows in full chef's regalia stormed onto the set.

 

Kevin said, “Folks it's Emeril Lagasse!”

 

Emeril stood with his hands on his hips surveying the damage. An egg sailed over his head and broke on the wall behind him. He pulled out a police whistle from his pocket and blew.

 

Kitchen Stadium came to a standstill.

 

“All right what in God's names is wrong with you people?!”

 

He glanced around and saw the cameras were still rolling. “Don't make me kick YOU up a notch, now get it together or Sesshomaru you are fired.”

 

 

Kagome was impressed. Emeril had a lot of clout at the network.

 

The speaker sounded. “Five, four, three, two, one….” And the horn sounded.

 

 

Alton said, “All cooking must now stop, not that it hasn't already. This battle is over!”

 

Emeril shook his head, “You can say that again.”

 

Finally the NYPD arrived but they were no longer needed. Emeril smoothed things over by allowing them to stay for the rest of the taping.

 

Kevin corralled Ozzie and herded him to the table for judging.

 

Most of the food was salvageable but due to the fight each competitor only had four dishes instead of the required five. But the judging was still on.

 

Kevin stood beside Inuyasha at the judge's table.

 

“Where did you get your inspiration for what you prepared today?”

 

Inuyasha gave him a strange look. “Eggs.”

 

Kevin nodded, “Okay good enough. You and your lovely non-violent wife have prepared for us today: a sushi scrambled egg roll. Zucchini sticks dipped in an egg batter, then fried and complimented with three gourmet flavored mayonnaises, chilies, ginger and wasabi. A key lime pie…the egg is in the meringue and of course the deviled eggs.”

 

Kagome smiled and nodded. Inuyasha reached to pick up a deviled egg to eat and she swatted his hand away.

 

Kevin asked, “Does it bother you that no of these seem to dishes go together?”

 

Inuyasha glared at him. “No.”

 

Kevin continued. “Let's see what our judges will have to say about your offerings.”

 

 

The camera panned to Ozzie, Mo and Shep.

 

Ozzie squinted at the table of egg dishes. He sighed and said, “Stupid blighters.”

 

Kevin asked. “What?”

 

Ozzie explained, “I can't eat any of this. I've gone veggie.”

 

Alton asked, “Ozzie by veggie do you mean you are a vegetarian? If so you can eat all of these dishes unless you are a vegan.”

 

Ozzie narrowed his eyes. “What's with the name calling? I'm veggie and Sharon will have my arse if I touch any of this.”

 

Kevin sighed. “Okay Mo and Shep it's up to you.”

 

Mo frowned.

 

Kevin asked, “Mo is something wrong?”

 

“No Kevin, but it's against my religion to consume egg products.”

 

Kevin frowned. “What religion is this?”

 

Mo answered, “I'm not at liberty to say Kevin.”

 

Alton chimed in. “There is a form of Buddhism that forbids the consumption of eggs; it's not very common these days though.”

 

Kevin looked panicked. “Shep you are our very last hope and will be our only judge!”

 

The camera zoomed in on Shep's face.

 

“I'm sorry Kevin but I can't help you.”

 

Kevin's composure was slipping. “Why not Shep?”

 

Shep gave a polite smile. “Well, as I plainly stated on the profile card you had me fill out prior to my appearance on this program…I am deathly allergic to eggs.”

 

Kagome actually heard Marty's sobs as he crawled out of the kitchen.

 

Emeril stood thoughtfully. “Well then I am calling this one a draw!”

 

He waved to the police offers. “Who wants a free lunch on us?”

 

They cheered and Marty went to fetch more plates. Sesshomaru growled and stormed off the set. Kagome heard Mo remark, “That fluffy thing around your producer's neck…is it a tail?”

 

 

While the police department was happily digging into mounds of egg dishes, Inuyasha pulled out his `Good Eats' apron and approached Alton.

 

“It'd be an honor if you could sign my apron.”

 

Alton was strained but sill polite. “Yes, but only if you promise me something first.”

 

“Promise you what?”

 

“That as long as you live you NEVER step foot in another kitchen, especially mine.”

 

Kagome gave a pained smile. “Already done.”

 

“Good, now here's your apron back.”

 

 

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Epilogue:

That evening back in the hotel Kagome sat alone in their suites private hot tub. She'd already called Kim to beg her forgiveness but wasn't surprised when Kim laughed so hard she dropped the phone.

 

Kagome knew she should be royally pissed with Inuyasha. But she'd seen first hand the battles the brothers had in the past and knew this one was minor.

 

She heard a splash and felt the water move and knew Inuyasha had joined her. He came up behind her, pulled her to his chest and wrapped her in his arms.

 

“Still talking to me?”

 

“Just barely. You know I can't take you anywhere.”

 

She felt him smile as he pressed his lips against the back of her neck.

 

“Well I wasn't the only one fighting. I saw you charge an egg with sacred energy and nail Sesshomaru with it.”

 

She forced herself not to grin. “You saw no such thing.”

 

“Oh but I did.”

 

“Did not.”

 

He spun her around to face him. “Did too.”

 

The he pushed her down into the water and dunked her.

 

Kagome came up sputtering. “Inuyasha! This is a hot tub not a pool!” Then she knocked Inuyasha's legs out from under him and he careened into water.

 

The maid who came bearing fresh towels heard the commotion from the bathroom. Shrieks and giggles soon turned into sighs and low laughter.

 

She shook her head as she shut the door behind her.

 

 

Notes:

 

I am writing this quick missive to beg everyone whose name and images I've borrowed here to please not sue me. I am poor and all you would get is my hedgehog.

 

Once again all the locations in this tale are real.

I have no proof Shepard Smith is allergic to eggs that was merely speculation on my part.