InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Last Girlfriend ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 2 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer:Own Inu-chan I do not.
Own Itokuzu-pi(Sesshoumaru) I do not.
Own Miroku-san and Sango-san?
.......... -.- I don't and I wish I did.

Additional Disclaimer: I don't own author Valerie Frankel's book "The Girlfriend Curse", from which this story I've made a parody of(somewhat). So nobody sue me, or accuse me of plagiarism if you've read the book. I'm just altering some stuff, but the storyline remains indifferent all the same.

X) Oh yeah. The names of the characters, locations and events are plain fictitious.

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Ordinarily, if a man described a woman as "magical", "transformative", possessing "powers" that inspired him to marry, said woman would feel blessed.

But in Sango Fuyuzuki's case, it was otherwise. She felt cursed. Cursed with a titanic hangover. After her free cocktail at Eiko no Taku last night, she had another and yet another to guarantee instant pass-out when she hauled herself to bed. It was now ten o'clock, and she had a full-frontal-lobe throb. Plus, she was late for work, and late to call in sick. When she groped her way to the bathroom to force down Tylenol, she had to confront the horror in the mirror. Crushing disappointment, humiliation and alcohol had taken their toll, making her ordinarily olive skin as white as paste.

One glance, and she'd seen enough. Sango went to the phone and called work.

Her boss, Italian but fluent in Japanese, answered, "Georgia Designs."

"Rica, it's Sango-cough. Remember a few years ago, the story you told me about that insane homeless man who threw bricks at random people during your business trip in New York? In Times Square?"

"Upper West Side." her boss corrected. "The Times Square guy stuck women with syringes."

"Well," continued Sango, "my point is-cough-I've been struck. As if by a brick. With a cold."

Even in her aching and addled brain, Sango thought she sounded convincingly ill.

"I gathered from the coughing."

"Take pity on me." said Sango, wishing she could tell Rica the real cause of her pathetic condition.

Fortunately for her, Rica was an understanding, if not caring woman when it comes to her employees. So she didn't think twice of the next words she said to the "sick" woman.

"Stay home and rest." said Sango's forgiving boss. "Speedy recovery."

Sango hung up, and wondered if a speedy recovery were possible for a hollowness in all four chambers of the heart. She crawled back into bed and slept for another couple of hours, having unsettling dreams about pushing a cart uphill. The cart was loaded with lilies and sakura branches. And mastiffs in tartan skirts. With chunky bangs.

Around noon, she called Rin Tachikawa, thirty-one, confidante and former neighbor. Rin was Sango's day-to-day friend, with evening phone calls, weekly dinners and weekend brunches. The only time in ten years that they'd been on the outs was during the ugly breakup of Rin and Sango's brother, Kohaku. Sango had discouraged their affair from the beginning, but tolerated it for two months. When Kohaku pulled the plug, Rin let some of her anger trickle onto the sister. That was five years ago. All had been forgiven--if not forgotten.

Sango and Rin didn't even bore each other with the stories about their professional lives. Their exchanges were exclusively of a spiritual nature, as in "Kami-sama, let this guy be the one," or "That man is the devil incarnate," or "He's broke, but he makes love like a true god."

Rin had been freshly dumped by Gary, her Yankee boyfriend of three months, whose family had come to stay for the whole year. He'd taken her to his sister's wedding at the Kyuuden Hotel, had her sit next to his great-grandmother, asked her to dance with his thirteen-year old hormonal nephew, and then, minutes after the cake-cutting, Gary ended it because he said Rin "wasn't enjoying his family."

"Kami, I beseech you." she had prayed at dinner with Sango last night. "Smite Gary-kun."

This afternoon, when Rin answered her work phone(she was the head of publicity at Kinmen Cosmetics), Sango moaned, whimpered and sobbed softly, causing Rin to frown.

"It's either an obscene call from a masochist, or Sango-chan."

"I am a masochist." sobbed her friend. "I attract sadists."

"This is about Kouga-kun?" asked Rin, now worried about the woman. It was so rare for Sango to cry, not to mention to lament and wail like a hopeless romantic.

"Who else? He called out of the blue-"

"You hate out of the blue." her friend cut in.

Sango sniffed. "He begged me to see him right away. So I had a drink with him at Eiko no Taku. It was a disaster. The emotional equivalent of an entire village of innocents gunned down with assault rifles!"

"But you had a speech!" Rin said to her. "Didn't you give it to him?"

"Not a word." Sango answered. "Not a syllable."

Rin thought for a moment, then offered, "I can come over after work. I'll bring apricot and almond body scrub."

Sango paused to blow her nose before returning to the receiver. "Body scrub can't save me this time, Rin-chan."

"I'll throw in a tube of aloe emollient with crushed pearl."

Four ounces of the stuff went for 11200 yen retail. "You are too, too kind." Sango said to her, meaning it.

"For this quality care package, you'd better be writhing in agony when I get there." Rin told her.

"Rin-chan, he's engaged!" cried Sango, a hitch in her throat. "He met someone else!"

"Kami smite!" exclaimed a horrified Rin, a hand clapping her cheek. "I'll be there in three hours!"

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She took four. But Rin brought Greek salads and soulvaki along with the body scrub and moisturizer, so Sango couldn't complain. The two women sat on Sango's king-sized mattress to eat, as she gave her friend the blow-by-blow. Rin was an active listener: nodding, gasping, occasional shrieks of horror, eyes sharp and focused.

"So then, after they told me how much they worshipped each other," continued Sango, now pacing at the foot of the bed, "they kissed. Right in front of me!"

A sudden thought made her pause, then turning to Rin, she asked, "When Kouga and I kissed in public, did we look disgusting?"

"Disgusting how?" she asked.

"Unsavory show of tongue. Errant saliva."

"No." Rin answered, shaking her head. "You and Kouga-kun were very neat."

Sango seemed both relieved yet disappointed to hear that. In private, they'd been unsightly.

"Well, when Kouga and that Ayame woman kissed, it was like they were the only people in the world. Everyone in the restaurant was looking at them. In their private moment, they became public property. And I couldn't help thinking, even while they slurped revoltingly, that they looked sweet. You could feel the love in the room. Palpable waves."

"That sounds awful." said Rin, feeling so herself.

Sango continued. "For half a second, I actually felt happy for them. Then I crashed back to reality and wished them dead."

"If I saw Gary-kun making out with another woman, I'd do more than wish him dead."

With her belly full and story told, Sango grew instantly sleepy, as if hit by a tranquilizer dart. She lay back on her bed, just missing the detritus of their picnic, and closed her eyes. The comfort of a trustworthy friend was lulling, and she let herself drift.

As if in a tunnel, Sango could hear Rin clearing the bed of foil, containers and trash. Through the web of near-unconsciousness, Sango heard the echo of Rin's voice.

"Didn't Kisho-kun get engaged too?" she asked.

That woke Sango up. Kisho was her ex before Kouga.

"Impossible. He equated marriage with karma."

Rin fixed her gaze on her. "I could swear I heard that he got engaged soon after your spectacular breakup."

"To whom?" Sango was curious.

"Some moronic slut, I'm sure." Rin assured her. "And Haru-kun too. I'm positive about that one, but I kept it from you, for your emotional protection. He married the friend-of-a-friend who brought him to my party. The night you two...you know."

"The process server?" asked Sango. "I hope she serves him right."

Rin seemed thoughtful for a while. Then she looked directly at her friend.

"I hate to say this," she finally said, "but a pattern seems to be emerging."

Sango seemed to think so herself, but she was also afraid of the truth, much less think of it. Nonetheless, she had to figure it out. Figure out where the puncture hole in her relationships was. So she couldn't help herself when she asked, "Wouldn't it be scary if all my exes got married after dumping me?"

Rin shook her head disbelievingly. "It couldn't be possible."

"Not in a million years."

The women stared at each other for a beat of ten. Rin was the first to break the silence.

"Maybe we better make sure. For your psychic well-being."

"My psyche could use a weekend at Okinawa." agreed Sango. "But where to begin? We'd have to track them down, ask them intimate questions. I haven't spoken to some of them in years."

"How intimate is it to ask someone if and when they got married?" asked Rin. "It's not like asking if they've had warts removed."

"True." Sango admitted. "But how would we find them?"

She had lost track of her exes, purposefully. Breakups were too demoralizing for her to stay in touch. Usually, she had a no-contact policy, making a clean break. The sole exception to her policy had been Kouga. And look what relaxing her rules had wrought.

"I can find them." Rin told her.

"This does present an interesting challenge for your networking skills." Sango decided. "But even you might not be able to pull this off."

"Oh ye of little faith." Rin waved her hand in a no-worries motion. "Make a list. Last known address, phone numbers, whatever you've got."

"You know I don't keep anything. I rip the page out of my address book, delete e-mail history, erase phone numbers from speed dial. I've got nothing."

Rin nodded. "Doesn't it say in women's magazines that staying on good terms with your ex is a sign of maturity?"

"Women's magazines also advise you to lick your boyfriend's asshole."

Rin found a pad on Sango's night table and handed it to her. "Just write down whatever you can remember."

Pen in hand, Sango made a list of her exes, starting with the most recent:

1)Kouga Sueyoshi. Status known: the bastard who ruined my life.
2)Kisho Yamamoto. Last seen in October 2003, sneaking out of my apartment at 3 a.m. with a garbage bag full of his clothes and a dozen applications for law schools in the city. No known address, since he mooched off me for six months before vanishing in the night. Employer at the time: Eiko no Taku. Waiter.
3)Haru Eikichi. Last seen in February 2002 at a Valentine's Day party at your house. I gave him a card that said, "I'm Yours." He read it and said, "I'm not." Last known address: 61st and Second. Employer: Paint It Black Contracting.
4)Hiroya Kanzaki. Last seen in May 2000 outside the Chiharu Cinemas. We saw Miss Congeniality. I adored it, and he said, "I can't commit to a woman who likes Sandra Bullock." Last known address: Sakura St. and 26th. Employer: None. Collage artist. Showed a couple of times at the Luna Gallery on Haru Street.
5)Onizuka Matsumoto. Last seen in September 1999 at his apartment, paying me for landscaping his roof deck. He handed me the check, and thanked me for services. I said, "I'll come back later for dinner." He said, "All of your services are no longer required." Last known address: 875 Shiroi Avenue, penthouse. Employer: Midori Shinohara Jewelers.
6)Daisuke Ishida. Last seen in 1997(winter? late fall?) at 2 a.m., crying into a shot of sake while apologizing for his complete inadequacy as a man, an actor, a human being--and a boyfriend. Last known address: Ichiban Street and Avenue A. Employer: freelance seiyuu for anime characters.
Unlucky 7)Sato Watanabe. Last seen in April 1996, up to his elbow in fertilizer while we planted beds side by side along the Osaka Promenade. He said, to explain his reluctance to marry, "I love you, Sango. I also love Frosted Flakes. It's just not realistic to think I'll love either one of you forever." Last known address: Kinhara, Osaka(forget the street names). Employer: Tokyo Parks Department.

Rin perused the list.

"Kami, Onizuka-san. He was gorgeous, rich. I always had a crush on him."

"This could be your big chance. Imagine the meet-cuteness of it. Girl calls friend's ex to find out if he dumped friend to marry a lesser woman and, upon finding out that he's single and far advanced emotionally, they fall hopelessly in love."

"Would you have a problem with that?" Rin asked in all innocence as she batted her eyelashes.

"Onizuka likes to bite. Hard."

"That's a bad thing?" her friend asked in a playful pout.

Every inch a publicist, Rin jump-started her cell phone like a chain saw.

Sango watched her. "You're seriously going to do this?"

Rin winked in her direction. "Watch me."

"It'll probably take months." Sango sounded doubtful.

"Give me one hour."

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seiyuu - voice actor