InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Nature of Sacrifice ❯ Golden Sunrise ( Chapter 3 )

AN: *Giggles and hops up and down.* My first three reviews! *Hugs all three people.* Thank you so much for bothering to review my little story! I shall answer a few questions.

 

frostyshake(nsi): It's going to be a little bit before the entire reasoning behind the past being hidden will be revealed. I have to unravel each character's changes in this life, though many will are not going to be dwelled upon. My main concern right now is focusing on Inuyasha and Kagome. Don't worry you Sango and Miroku lovers, they will have their fifteen minutes of fame too. As I go on, you'll understand why I'm going with this. I might, and I mean MIGHT, do a prequel to this fic, or maybe seperate ficlets exploring the other characters. But as of now this will be a MAJOR Inuyasha/Kagome drama, though most of my attention is on our favorite reincarnation. Kagome is the catalyst to everything that will happen from beginning to end, so she is center stage. Don't worry, I have a method to my madness. ^.~

 

White Luna: Thank you so much! I'm a HUGE Evanescence fan, and have realised how that song just fits this anime perfectly, and will fit even more so in my story. More good music will be highlighted here and there. ^^ Don't worry, I don't be leaving this story behind. My updates should be pretty regular, but I can't guarantee the daily updates as I'm doing now, all the time. Please bear with me. ^_^

 

InuYashaLover_04: I know that the angst is painful, but with the circumstances they have to feel the pain now to get to the happy ending that will come.. eventually. I promise there will be fluff along the way. ^^

 

I really am so grateful to the three of you, so this chapter is dedicated completely to you all!

 

PS: I really wasn't going to start on a chapter again so soon, but you encouraged me. ^.^ Feel special!!!

 

NOW! On with the story!

 

DISCLAMER: I DO NOT, NOR HAVE I EVER, OWNED INUYASHA. I'm simply borrowing the characters and putting them through hell. ^.^

 

Happy Reading!

 

 

***

The Nature of Sacrifice

 

By Evie Lovejoy

 

Chapter Three:

Golden Sunrise

 

***

 

Kagome leaned against the locked bathroom door, bracing herself as she felt herself start to break down. She had always let her emotions bleed through in songs, it was the only time she ever let herself go. Leaning heavily on the door, she tried to take in deep breath, her breathing choppy as she held herself back. Why did this have to hurt so much? Not being able to stop them, tears stubbornly streamed down her pink cheeks. Her exhalations soon became choked sobs, sliding down the door. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she buried her face in her jean covered legs, letting the tears flow for once.

 

How many times had she cried for this? For them? How long had she held back how she really felt? Had it really been almost a decade? But they seemed so happy now.. Sango, Miroku, Inuyasha, even Shippo, they all had families. Mothers and fathers, siblings, even Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru had a quiet understanding. She had given up everything for that. She gave up her innocence, and a part of her soul, she could have sworn. All of it. Was all that pain worth it? But everytime she saw Sango bring Kohaku into the restaurant.. Shippo's mother, the owner of the little cafe, holding him.. Inuyasha argue with his mother over the phone about him not spending enough time with the family.. Miroku's father come in for a meal cooked by his son.. Yes, it was worth it. Every tear, every lonely moment, fearful nightmare, complete and utter pain. She had wanted to make everything better at the expense of herself.. And the jewel had granted her wish.

 

But they could never know. If they remembered, lost that naiveite, she would never forgive herself. So, in seeing all their happiness, she broke her own heart every day. And it was worth every smile they gave her. They may not know it, but while it broke her heart, it mended it once more in the same instant. If she had the chance, she'd make the same wish without a second thought.

 

*.*.*

 

At two AM, Kagome clocked out without a word. She had spent ten minutes in the bathroom and after washing her face, she had started her side work. She didn't ask for a ride, she simply slipped into the bathroom once more to change into a black t-shirt with the saying 'It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid, than to open it and remove all doubt'. Miroku once told her that Confushious had once said that, only using the word foolish. Her hair was let down from it's bun, falling in a curtain of ebony waves down her spine, the ends brushing the small of her back. Inuyasha, having two tables at the time, hadn't been able to corner her to talk to her, and Miroku, playing a Beatles album and humming along to 'Come Together', hadn't looked up from the grill.

 

Yes, it was too easy to slip out that way. Honestly, she knew Inuyasha would try to chase her down and find out why the song had gotten to her, so this was her only chance.

 

Walking along the deserted US 41, a cigarette hanging from her pouty lips, the backpack on her back hanging from one strap, she almost looked like a wanderer. Even though it was dangerous for a woman to be out at night, she held no fear. As a fourteenth birthday present, Inuyasha had given her a small throwing daggar that she always kept strapped to her calf, plus her own switchblade on her hip, she was more than able to protect herself. And when she was this troubled, her feet would only take her to one location, the beach.

 

*.*.*

 

 

She just left. No goodbye. No, 'I have a ride, I'm outtie!'. No wave. Nothing. And it hurt. It burned inside him. He just knew he hadn't done anything wrong. But Kagome seemed to be getting worse. Ever since sophmore year, she hadn't been the same, but close. Now she was drifting away even more, pushing him away that much more. And it hurt.

 

Why couldn't that bitch make any sense?! He knew she loved him, so why was she being this way? Inuyasha had to resist punching a whole in the wall. Ami, Shippo's mother, would skin him alive with her claws. Besides, his mother, Izayoi, would cuff him for doing such a thing. But he couldn't help his frustrations. He was going to find out what was wrong with her. He was going to make it better. There was no ifs ands or buts about it. His Kagome would be better again. She had to be.

 

 

*.*.*

 

Slipping out of her shoes, she grabbed them as she slid her feet into the cool sand. A slow smile slipped onto her face, padding slowly to the shore. It was best this late at night. Close enough to moon-set, it made the stars the only light in the sky. The air was salty, but otherwise very clean. It reminded her of the Sengoku Jidai, and it soothed the wounds in her spirit. She sat ten yards from the shore, near enough to watch the ebb and flow, but far enough away to keep dry. Looking up at the sky, she leaned back, supporting herself on her hands, a small smile on her lips, a fond memory in her mind.

 

'Mama, why are we at the beach so late at night?' A eight year old Kagome asked, tugging on her mother's pant leg. The woman, looking far too old for her years, simply beckoned the girl to sit with her. She was quiet for a long time, simply looking into the sky.

 

'When I was a young girl, my grandfather said that this was the edge of the world, that on the horizon was Paradise, and the stars were the gods looking through their peepholes to watch over us. He told me that even if I could not talk to anyone else, I would always be able to talk to the stars, and they would always listen and send me a sign.' She smiled wistfully at her daughter, sliding an arm around her shoulders.

 

Letting out a soft sigh, she closed her eyes, and did what she had done when she was a little girl, as she did now. Speak with the gods. "I.. I'm scared." She said softly, opening her watery eyes. "I'm afraid; more afraid than I ever was in all my lives. I have so much more to lose now! And yet.. so much less.." Sniffing, she didn't notice the tears falling down her cheeks for the second time that night. "They'll hate me.. I know they will. If they knew.. Espcecially Inuyasha. He wanted me to live for him, he wanted me to be safe. Instead I'm dying for him, he would be so angry." Laying back, her arms under her head, pillowing it as she spoke to the sky as if it was a confidant, and in a way it was. It wouldn't tell anyone her deepest secrets. She couldn't talk to a psychaitrist, not after what happened before.. Not again. No, this was the best way. "I can't hide from them forever.. I know I can't.. And I don't want to. I want to curl up against Inuyasha and cry and tell him everything. But I can't. If one day they remember on their own, and if they hate me, then so be it. But I won't be the one to take their innocence." Shaking her head, she closed her eyes. "I love them too much.. him too much.. They don't have these dreams, they don't relive it every moment in the midst of such happiness. Maybe that's why I can't tell him, I don't want to break the spell of perfection that has been cast in this life. Everything just worked out perfectly for everyone. I don't want to change it, make them remember the highly flawed and tragic past.. I can't. I would rather die with my secrets and meet them in a new life. We will always be bound, always. We are a.. pack. Family." Her heart instantly started to ache from that thought.

 

The family in this life was gone from her. Inuyasha's mother, Izayoi, always called her a daughter, even Sesshoumaru treating her with a quiet sort of respect. His father doted upon her like the little girl he had never had. When she was a little girl, she had called Sango's parents Aunt and Uncle, though they weren't related. Yes, it was a different sort of pack than they had had before. But it still hurt to think of Jii-chan, Sota and her mother from her last life.. Sure, she had bid them goodbye in case she hadn't returned, but she wanted to be able to come back, hug them and say she was okay.. everyone was okay.. Images of rent limbs and crimson entered her mind's eye, causing her head to try to shake away the memory.

 

Taking in a deep breath, she let it out slowly. "Maybe.. maybe if I let them closer.. It won't hurt so much?" She sighed softly, rubbing at her eyes, aching from her tears. "If I act more normal.. more happy, they might not wonder so much. Then I won't have to tell them."

 

"Tell us what?" A gruff voice spoke very softly, startling her. Opening her eyes slowly, she looked up into deep honey-gold eyes, worry etched into his youthful features.

 

"...Fuck."

 

***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(( SYKE! Sorry, I couldn't help but give a fake out. *Winks.* I'll continue! Just don't throw anything! ))

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

 

Inuyasha's eyes widened. Kagome just cursed. Lovely, innocent, heart as big as the outdoors Kagome just cursed. Not just a damnit, or a hell, but fuck. Sure he had taught her how to curse from age thirteen by his own speech, but she always had scolded him for it! It had to be bad if she had not only distanced herself from him for this long, but she also did something she hated to do, and it seemed a reflex. Still in shock, he plopped down in the sand beside her, as subdued as the old rosary would have done, nay, even more so. He stared out at the ocean without speaking for a long time.

 

As soon as his replacement showed up at five AM, he had shot out of the store like a bat out of hell, a mix of pissed off and worried that usually got most people out of the hanyou's way. Knowing Kagome better than he knew himself, and after checking her home, he had made it to the beach, the sky opposite the shore only beginning to lighten. He had wished he could have heard whatever she said before, but he came in hearing distance when she spoke, "..they might not wonder so much. Then I won't have to tell them."

 

Kagome watched him in silence for a long time, wondering just how much he had heard her say. Finally, he managed to speak, his voice soft, gentle and wholly unlike him.

 

"Kagome, we need to talk."

 

Instantly, the girl in question winced, sitting up with a soft sigh, her head bowed in submission. To be honest, she was surprised he had been this patient with her without badgering her with questions. Apparently, his soul had learned some type of tact in the time until now. Or maybe it was because his mother and father had nurtured him in a world that didn't torture hanyous for simply being born. It was hard to tell, but comparing the past with the present, Inuyasha was the same, but much more patient than he had been.

 

After a long moment of silence, Inuyasha growled under his breath, not in a menicing fashion, but frustrated. "Goddamnit, Kagome, you can't be so strong all the time!" He reached out quickly, but his touch was gentle, turning her chin up and toward him. The emotion in his eyes caused the young woman to gasp softly. It was a strange mix of frustration, worry, pain; but what hit her hard in the chest was the amount of love there. Could he still love her after all this mess? After he had been pushed away for so long, he still gave her time, and still loved her.

 

Cupping her cheek gently with his clawed hand, he frowned. The shock and instant guilt in her expression cut him to the quick. She looked so.. lost. This couldn't go on any longer. "Something happened all those years ago, and I've waited all this time. I've given you your space, and I've stayed away. But I can't any longer. Tell me Kagome, please." She tried to look away, but she couldn't help but look up at his pleading tone. Her eyes watery once more, she leaned into his hand for a moment, soaking up the feeling while she could.

 

After a long pause, he parted his lips to speak, but Kagome spoke first, her eyes closed. "I can't tell you everything. But I'll tell you what I can." His brows furrowed at this, but he didn't say a word, letting her go on. Though she secretly didn't want to leave his gentle, warm touch, she needed to be able to word things properly, and she couldn't concentrate completely like this, even his presence working on her like sodium pentathol. Slipping away from his hand, she brought her knees to her chest, her voice soft. "You remember that it was close to my birthday?" She didn't wait for him to answer, her chin resting on her knees. "I was turning fifteen, and I was rather excited. More so that I would be out of the house than anything else.. You see, father had been getting.. worse." Sighing, she closed her eyes. "You wondered why I was always at your house when we were in elementary school? Mama was keeping me out of the house as much as she could so when father got angry, I wouldn't be in his way. But around my birthday, mama was getting hit more often than normal." Almost sensing his surprise, she looked over at him, her eyes pained. "I couldn't ever tell anyone, mama would have gotten angry with me." She took in a slow breath, closing her eyes again, the images still fresh in her mind. "Father wouldn't let me go out that night with you guys, said he'd never let me in the house again if I left that night. That's why mama called your mother to cancel for me." She held herself more tightly, speaking about that night for the first time in nine years. "He beat my mother for using the phone without his permission, and when I tried to speak up for mama, he pushed me into my room and locked the door from the outside. I just heard screaming for a long time and then a loud thud. And all was quiet. It wasn't but a minute before he kicked in my door, smelling of liquor and covered in blood." Silent tears ran down her cheeks, but her voice was simply soft, trance-like. Inuyasha wanted nothing more than to hold her until she stopped crying, but he was afraid he'd break the spell she had woven in telling the story. She spoke again after a brief pause, a hollow tone in her throat. "And he was hitting me and tearing at my clothes.. I knew what he would try to do. Mama had protected me, but from the blood on him, I knew she couldn't this time. But I always kept that daggar that you gave me for my fourteenth birthday close to my bed, just in case." Absently, she pulled the blade from the calf-strap beneath her jeans, looking at it as she spoke. "The police told me that I had a lucky shot, the blade piercing the heart in my first strike. I kept stabbing until he stopped moving." She knew his eyes were practically shooting from the sockets in shock, yet she simply kept looking at the blade in her hands. "It was self-defense, but they kept me in the mental hospital for a year. I was.. catatonic. None of my family was still alive, so a social worker visited me, telling me that the life insurance of both my parents would pay for the home we lived in and would take care of me for years to come. But it was too much at once... They let me out eventually and I went back to school, I tried.." Her voice broke, her eyes closing as she slipped the daggar back in it's sheath. "I tried to act as normal as possible.. but it's rather hard to.." She was cut off by his arms around her, dragging her against him. He tucked her head beneath his chin, growling, no, almost purring, to soothe her. And she couldn't help but do something she had wanted to do for a long time. She turned and wrapped her arms around him, leaning against him as she let him shelter her. And she felt like she was home. This was home, she thought, the sun rising over the tree behind them.

 

***

 

AN: *Sniffles a little.* I know, I'm torturing her, but I've got good reason. *Dabs at her eyes with a tissue.* Please don't kill me for ending this chapter here! It just kinda ended itself here. Don't worry, I will be adding fluff soon, but we have to endure some pain to get to the happiness. ^^

 

~Evie