InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Pain of Being Alone ❯ Chapter One: The Pain of Being Alone ( Chapter 1 )

A/N : This story came from a conversation with my daughters. I hope that I can explain some of Inuyasha's behavior.

Inuyasha stepped into the firelight of a very quite camp. He was meet with the hostile looks of three of his companions. "Where's Kagome?" he asked.

"She's gone home to her own time." replied Shippo, sullenly. "And its all your fault!"

"My fault?"

"Indeed, Inuyasha. She saw you with Kikyo." Miroku explained.

"And this caused her to go home? Why should it matter to her who I see? Or to you guys either, since I can tell you don't like it."

"It upsets Kagome when you go to her." stated Sango. "You should be more considerate of her feelings."

"I see. And my feelings mean nothing to any of you?"

"It's not that, Inuyasha. It's just that this upsets Kagome greatly. You should think about her."

"I don't see any of you telling Kagome that she should tell Kouga off. When he comes around, it upsets me greatly."

"That's different!" protested Miroku. "Kouga has not threatened to kill Kagome! Kikyo has."

"Your right. Kouga hasn't threatened to kill Kagome, he has threatened to kill me. But I guess that's alright!" snarled Inuyasha.

"He's just posturing! He means nothing by it!" said Miroku.

"You don't really believe that, do you? Sango, you know demons, enlighten this fool!" ordered the irate hayou.

Sango looked uncomfortable with the turn of this conversation. "I think that Inuyasha may be right, Miroku."

"What!?"

Draws deep breath "Demons get very aggressive when it comes to mates and potential mates. If they think that their claim is threatened, they have been known to kill rivals or percieved rivals." explained Sango.

"But his threats don't matter because they are directed at me, eh, Miroku. You've heard him make the threats but since they were made at me, you chose to ignore them!"

Miroku paled slightly, realizing that he had done his friend an injustice. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I just assumed that it was similar to how men act over a woman. Still, this is getting away from the fact that you upset Kagome."

"Feh! I'll go get Kagome!"

"She was very upset with you, Inuyasha! She may not come back!"

"She'd better."

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Kagome's window

Inuyasha opened Kagome's window and dropped to the floor, lightly. He could hear Kagome's deep breathing that signaled she was asleep. He crept to the bed and looked down at the beautiful young woman. He took a deep breath, inhaling her scent. Then he frowned, he could smell the tears where she had been crying. His heart contracted painfully in his chest. 'Why does she do this to me? I never wanted to love again, and now that I do, I can't tell her how I feel.' Inuyasha sighed deeply and settled on the floor next to the bed. Putting his back to the bed and his sword in his lap, he awaited the morning.

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Kagome awoke to the sun coming through her window. The light on her face woke her and the gentle breeze from the window felt good. Her eyes snapped open. 'I didn't leave the window open!' She saw Inuyasha sitting next to her bed, his head bent forward in profile to her. "Inuyasha!" she yelled.

Inuyasha slowly lifted his head and turned to look at her. "What, Kagome?" as if this were an everday awakening.

"What are you doing here? I'm not going back with you! I have plans for the day, and they don't include you!"

"I'm not going to take you back, I came to see how you are doing."

"What did you just say?" asked a disbelieving Kagome. She was sure that she had misheard.

"Open your ears, wench! I said I'm not taking you back right now!" growled the iratated hanyou.

"Why?" asked a suspicious Kagome. "I bet you just want me out of the way so that you can run to Kikyo! I don't understand! She's dead! What do you see in her!?" Kagome's voice rose to a shout.

Inuyasha glared at her and shouted back, "Why do you care if I see her or not?!"

"Oh, no! I asked you first!"

Inuyasha gave a long, drawn out growl. "If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell the others. In order for you to understand, I have to tell you some of my past. I don't want the others to know about it."

Kagome realized that she was about to hear things that she had always wanted to know about this secretive man. Eagerly, she nodded, "You can trust me, Inuyasha. I have never told any of your secrets."

Inuyasha sighed deeply, "I know." Taking a deep breath, the hanyou began his story.

"I guess that it started at the beginning of my life. You know that my father was the demon lord of the western lands and that my mother was human. A few years after I was born, my father sent me and my mother to stay with her father while he fought against the dragon, Ryuukotsusei. When he didn't return, my grandfather took over the role of father for me." Inuyasha smiled slightly, "You should have seen him, Kagome! He was a fierce old man, who had been a warrior all his life. But he still made time for me and took pride in me. He even had plans to train me in the art of war so that I could go into the field with him." Inuyasha stopped for a moment, his face clouding. "I think I loved that old man, but it was my fault he died."

"Inuyasha! You can't mean that!" protested Kagome.

"Not me, personally. But because I existed. Grandfather was a great general for the human lord of the western lands. This man feared that my grandfather had made an alliance with my father to take his lands from him and I was the seal of that alliance. So he ordered Grandfather to prove his loyalty to him. He ordered my death. 'Kagome gasped.' Instead, grandfather sent my mother and I into hiding and then he committed seppaku* because he had disobeyed his lord and to keep them from torturing our whereabouts from him." Inuyasha paused and bowed his head.

Kagome reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Oh, Inuyasha!" she breathed, tears for his pain rolling down her face.

Inuyasha reached up and put his hand over hers. He lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes bright with unshed tears. "It has been a long time since I allowed myself to think of Grandfather. I haven't thought of any of my human family since I was a child. I couldn't go to them after mother was killed. It would have made the old man's sacrifice in vain and it would have put them in danger. I didn't want anyone else to die for me!"

Inuyasha paused. Shaking his head slightly, as if to clear it, he continued. "For years after that, I was alone. When I was small, people would try to beat me or would throw stones at me. Sometimes, they even tried to kill me, all because I was a demon. Then, as I got older and stronger, people would fear me because I wouldn't let them beat me anymore. Instead, I beat them. Of course, youkai had been trying to kill me ever since mother died, so I had no one. Other than Myoga, and he was always running off." He looked at Kagome. "Have you ever been totally alone? With no friends or family? Can you imagine that for just an hour? I lived with that for ten years. And then I heard a rumor. I was sleeping in a barn and overheard two farmers gossiping. They were talking about a fantastic jewel that could grant a wish. They said it was guarded by a beautiful miko who was as cold as ice. 'Kagome stiffened' It was gossip, but it could have been true, so I decided to check it out. If true then I could become a full demon and be able to take my place in youkai society as the son of a lord. I found the miko's village and began watching her from a distance. The farmers were right. She was beautiful, but she never seemed cold. Distant and alone would describe her better. She only seemed to care for her little sister. I became intrigued by her. I had thought to steal it from her, at first, then I saw her kill an attacking demon with a purifying arrow. I decided to approach with more caution. When I approached her the first time, she looked at me and said, "So, are you the one who has been shadowing me for days?" I was surprised that she had known I was there. She told me later that she could sense me and could tell from my aura that I wasn't dangerous, at that time. We became friends. She filled an emptiness that was in my heart and I filled one in hers. I treated her as a person, not as a cold miko. Her responsibilities made her a somber person, but not cold. Slowly, we fell in love. But, there was a problem. Because of her miko resposibilities, she felt that loving me as a hanyou was wrong. After she purified the jewel, she wanted me to become human. Anyway, you know the rest. Naraku tricked us into betrayal and we both died. Now I am alive again and so is Kikyo, in a way. I know that she is truly dead but when I am with her, I remember the time when I wasn't alone. The pain goes away. And I will follow her into hell before I live with that pain again!" The last was said vehemently.

"But, Inuyasha! You're not alone. You have us, your friends. You have my friendship!" protested Kagome.

Inuyasha growled in frustration. "You don't get it do you? I don't want your friendship, I want your love!" Inuyasha suddenly went white. "Oh, crap! I didn't mean to say that! I'm sorry, Kagome!" Saying that he leaped for the window.

"Inuyasha! Wait! Inuyasha!" Kagome screamed at him to stop. "Inuyasha! SIT!" That stopped him. She ran down the stairs as fast as she could to get to him before the spell wore off. She barely made it. He was beginning to get up and looked ready to run. "Inuyasha, you haven't heard why I care! It's because I love you and can't stand to see you in another woman's arms! I want you to be in my arms! I want to be the one to kiss you! I want you to stay with me and not go to hell!" All this said with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Please believe me, Idon't want to lose you!" She fell to her knees to beg him, if necessary. Inuyasha went to his knees with her. This time, the tears did fall from his eyes. "Kagome." he whispered huskily. "I have loved you for so long. But I couldn't tell you. Everyone I have loved has died and I would rather go to hell than see you die, too."

Kagome smiled through her tears, "You silly hanyou. Nothing is going to happen to me. I have a powerful protector." With that, she leaned up and kissed him, softly on the lips.

Inuyasha returned the kiss with a smile. When he returned to his own time, he would need to talk to Kikyo and explain to her that Kagome would be filling the emptiness inside him. He didn't need her to relieve the pain anymore.

A/N : I hope you enjoyed this little story. The idea of Inuyasha's grandfather came from the incomparable author of 'Present Time'. If you want to read a truly phenominal fic, read that one.

* Seppaku - Ritual suicide.