InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Protector of Her Heart ❯ Reflection ( Chapter 19 )

Chapter 19: Reflection

 

Passing by the mirror, the princess of the Human Lands glanced at her reflection for a moment. Once again, she was the princess of the realm, no longer lost in the wonderful fantasy that felt more natural to her than the routine her life had fallen back into. Her hair was loose as always, but was now crowed with pearls of nobility. Pearls and jewels hung off her neck, her ears, and her fingers, all accenting the heavy, tight red silk gown, given every ornament possible to put no doubt in anyone's mind that the wearer was royal.

 

At last, Kagome had returned to her proper place in society; her simple dress in the Midlands traded for an elaborate gown, her freedom once again handed over to court rules and propriety. The dream that she had been in for those few weeks was over, never to return.

 

Everyone was filled with relief when she had returned, her mother and her brother nearly crying with joy, and her friends Lady Eri, Lady Ayumi, and Countess Yuka chattering about her filthy state of dress and court gossip within minutes of her arrival. The red headed Captain whom she had never learned his name nor cared about it was given great honors for “rescuing” her, while Inuyasha was left in the shadows. Then Hannah and taken her and scrubbed and clothed her until she resembled that peasant girl she had pretended to be no more.

 

The journey from the Midlands and into the Human Lands was a hard one. While the time spent with Inuyasha and her friends had been enjoyable, being waited on hand and foot by the guards and having a grand show every time she came near a village was unbearable. She hardly got to speak with Lord Miroku or Lady Sango, and not at all with Shippou. And Inuyasha…they had hardly spoken since those men had arrived, and ruined one of the happiest moments in Kagome's life…

 

And now, with the thought of Naraku, and being betrothed…it was almost too much. She couldn't think of Inuyasha anymore. She had to try to let it go…for her own good…

 

Kagome shut her eyes tightly, trying to block out the tears that were trying to come. No! She had to forget, and let it go! But…

 

“Are you all right?” asked the one person she didn't want to see right now.

 

Though things had been awkward for them ever since they had been forced to come back to the Human Lands, Inuyasha still had to remain at her side, as his duty as her knight protector. He was as loyal as ever, though now, their lighthearted talks were no more. And more than anything, Kagome wished he would not be concerned about her when she was still grieving for the wonderful time they had now lost.

 

Pulling herself together quickly, Kagome did not look back at him as she replied, “Yes, I am fine, Sir Inuyasha…nothing to worry about.”

 

But she couldn't help but glance back as she saw his ears droop at the formal tone she addressed him with. Kagome knew it hurt him, but she had to do it, to protect her heart from any more pain.

 

Pushing all weakness aside, Kagome walked past the mirror, and towards the door leading to the council chamber, where for the first time, she was to meet with her intended betrothed, Lord Naraku. Thinking about meeting this man whom she might have to marry, she knew that it would be harder having Inuyasha at her side.

 

Before she opened the door, Kagome turned back to him, her heart feeling heavy. “I shall be fine by myself for this…you can go now, Sir Inuyasha.”

 

His amber eyes remained downcast. “Kagome…”

 

She shook her head, with a fake lighthearted air. “Do not worry. I shall be all right alone. You needn't stick by any longer.” With that, she turned and opened the door, shutting it firmly behind her.

 

Once in, everyone in the room stood up to greet her. “Your Highness,” Lord Bankotsu said, bowing slightly. “I am relieved to see you back safely.”

 

“As are we all,” the dowager queen walked towards her daughter, smiling. “We prayed every night that you would come back unharmed, and thankfully, our prayers have been answered.” Sighing, she hugged her daughter, thankful to have her alive and well again. “I missed you, Kagome.”

 

“I missed you too, Mama,” she replied, hugging her back.

 

“Now that we've all met each other again,” Lord Bankotsu began, his tone foreboding. “There is someone else who wants to meet you, Your Highness.”

 

He turned towards the darker side of the room, where a silhouette was waiting. Kagome felt an unknown chill come over her as she looked at this figure appearing from the looming darkness. The world seemed to go still as the man walked forward, a sinister smile on his face. “May I present Lord Naraku.”

 

Kagome's first impression was a man trying to seduce the world; his almost maroon eyes held a darker quality to them, with a look as if he knew a deep secret, but his face still held on to that charming smile. His dark hair hung down long, in an almost attractive way, the darkness of it making his face seem even paler, like a ghost. All in all, he seemed to be a man that looked as if you could not trust him.

 

Lord Naraku knelt before her, still with that unnerving smile on his face, and took her hand gently. “Your Highness,” he whispered placing a kiss on it. “I am glad that we have finally met.”

 

“I am pleased to make your acquaintance as well, Lord Naraku,” Kagome replied, tough her true thoughts were anything but.

 

“Lord Naraku was the one that suggested we send soldiers for your safe return,” Lord Bankotsu supplied as Lord Naraku stood up, now in the light, giving Kagome a good look at his attire as well. His clothes were expensive to be sure, but he wore them like he wasn't used to them, seeming like he belonged in something simpler rather than the latest, most expensive fashions. “He didn't want you treated like a country girl when you are worth so much more to us, Your Highness,”

 

At a reminder of that one moment where the precious time she had in the Midlands was shattered, Kagome couldn't help but be bitter. “So I heard,” she replied, her eyes narrowing slightly. “I thank you for your concern, Lord Naraku, but it was not necessary. My knight protector Sir Inuyasha had the situation under control. He defeated the dragon Ryuukossei, got me out of the Demon Lands alive, and because there were only two of us, we were able to blend in and hide all through the Midlands. Forgive me, but when I was safe because I was hidden and looked after well, I could not help but feel uncomfortable when a whole troop of guards came and announced to the world who I was, could I?”

This time, it was Lord Naraku who spoke, with heavily sugared tones, “I quite understand, Your Highness, but I did not understand the situation, you see. How could I have known how well your protector looked after you, when I was here, fretting away for your safety? All I wanted was to ensure you were safe, Your Highness.”

 

Knowing she could not win this battle, Kagome sighed and replied, “Yes, that is perfectly logical, I suppose.”

 

There was a small, uncomfortable silence in the room, making Kagome feel slightly nervous under Lord Naraku's gaze. There was just something about him…something she didn't like. But…was it all in her head? Was it because this man was responsible for destroying the happiest times of her life she couldn't help but dislike him?

 

That was it; that had to be it. Of course there would be no other explanation.

 

Bankotsu coughed, breaking up the silence. “You understand that you were not called here to exchange pleasantries, Your Highness. While you were in that dreadful place, Lord Naraku made a generous offer of marriage to you. And now that he has met you, I hope that offer has not diminished—”

 

“Oh no, far from it,” Lord Naraku replied, a small smirk coming on his face.

 

“You understand, of course, that we do not have much time until you turn eighteen, Your Highness, and that was the date given that you should be married and on the throne. Lord Naraku is very generous in relieving us from the problem that has plagued you for so many months, so you would do wise to consider this offer.”

 

“I always consider every offer given, Lord Bankotsu,” Kagome replied. “If they are reasonable…” she glanced up at her mother, waiting for the answer.

 

The dowager queen sighed, “It is a good offer, Kagome. Much more than we could have hoped for. I have not spoken for you, since only you can accept it.”

 

Eyes downcast, Kagome nodded silently. Yes, she knew, her mother never accepted for her, always believing it was her daughter's choice in who she had to marry. But what a choice! Only rich men who made offers of marriage to her, no one else. Not…

 

No no no! She had to forget all that went on between her and Inuyasha! She had to! It would be wise to accept Lord Naraku's offer, and once tied to another man, forget all about her handsome knight. It was the right thing to do; the only thing to do. She knew that, but…

 

Before that time in the Midlands, and before Inuyasha, she would have accepted without a second thought, just to free herself from the humiliating state of spinsterhood. It was her duty, after all. But Inuyasha…he taught her how to laugh, how to be free and have no cares, no worries at all. Did being a single woman even bother her anymore? She didn't know…But everything that she used to care and think about seemed alien to her, those ideals petty and selfish when compared to what people in the real world dealt with. For a little while, she had been given the right to choose, and that was something that now, taken away, she wanted back more than anything.

 

And…Inuyasha…

 

“I am sorry, Lord Naraku,” she said softly, not bearing to be able to look up at him. “But…I hope you understand, I have just been through a terrible ordeal, and I am still too shaken up to make decisions such as this now. I will however, remember your offer and think of it fondly, but as for accepting at this moment—”

 

“I understand, Your Highness,” Lord Naraku replied. He was no longer smiling.

 

Feeling uncomfortable, Kagome glanced back at Lord Bankotsu, “If you will excuse me, my Lords, it has been a long day, and I shall rest a while.” They both bowed to her as she left the room as quickly as she could.

 

The instant she shut the door, she spotted Inuyasha, leaning against the stone wall across the hallway. His ears were high on his head, and she didn't doubt that he could hear every word, if his ears were so sensitive that he could hear her heartbeat, which was certainly racing now. He glanced up at her with a pained look in his eyes. She returned that look, but then turned away sharply, marching back down the hallway.

 

But Inuyasha wouldn't give up so easily. “Kagome!” she heard him coming after her, and after that, she didn't want him meeting with her now. “Wait up! Kagome!”

 

Please don't make this any harder than it is, Inuyasha! Please just let me forget you and move on! she begged, but he wouldn't relent now.

 

As Kagome turned a corner in the palace, she was suddenly met with a face she didn't expect to see here. She gasped, “Kikyou?”

Kikyou was, as always, adorned in finery, but today, she paled in comparison next to the princess. Kikyou looked less surprised at seeing her. “Kagome,” she replied, in her usual, emotionless tone. “I see that you are well.”

 

“Yes,” Kagome answered, wondering why it was always so trying to talk to her distantly related cousin. “I have been feeling much better ever since I returned.”

 

“I should hope so. The Demon Lands seems like a dreadful place, and I hear the Midlands aren't much better.”

 

Kagome felt a small rush of anger, but she knew Kikyou couldn't help her comment. She was like all women of her class, ignorant to what they had never seen. “It wasn't so bad.”

 

As she replied, she heard a sputtering, shocked noise from behind. Turning, Kagome could see Inuyasha, standing at the end of the hall, looking bemused. “Ki-Kikyou?”

 

Suddenly, Kagome noticed a drastic change in Kikyou's behavior. She looked away as she replied, “Sir Inuyahsa,” in the same, barely hanging on tone that Kagome had used in an all too familiar situation.

 

Even though Kagome desperately wanted to forget Inuyasha and move on, Kikyou's behavior was strikingly similar to her own, and she had to know what had caused it. “Kikyou, you know Sir Inuyasha?”

 

Glancing back at her, her cousin replied all too quickly, “We met before… at the Western Palace.”

 

Kagome's eyes glanced away for a moment. “I see…” So they have a history…why didn't I expect something like this…why didn't I think before?

 

Because you wanted to be the first, and only in his heart, an annoying, stubborn voice in her head replied.

 

That's not true! she shouted back to the voice in her head. I don't want to be in his heart at all!

 

But she didn't get any more arguments out of her own consciousness as Inuyasha slowly came up to them and asked, “You both…know each other?”

 

Acting a bit like Kikyou at this moment, Kagome did not look in his eyes. “We are related. Her father is my mother's cousin.”

 

“Oh…” They're cousins? It's one thing if they know each other, but if they're both blood related…

 

Glancing at Kikyou, Kagome could tell plain as day that something about Inuyasha was bothering Kikyou…some memory in the past. Something definitely happened between them…and Inuyasha wouldn't tell me if I asked…and I certainly don't want to.

 

He can do what he wants…now that we are no longer…

 

Even though it wasn't very ladylike, Kagome yawned slightly. “If you will excuse me, I am quite tired. It was nice seeing you, Kikyou, Sir Inuyasha.”

 

Kagome walked off, a little quicker than usual as she headed for her rooms, leaving Inuyasha and Kikyou standing there, feeling more uncomfortable than ever. All the guilt in Kikyou's heart weighed her down as she remembered how she had broken off all relations to Inuyasha months before, while Inuyasha was contemplating the confusing thoughts clouding his head.

 

I used to think I loved her…he remembered, glancing back at the woman he had deemed the most beautiful in the whole world, before he knew there was a different kind of beauty to be found. I thought I couldn't live when she told me we could never be…but now…What I felt then is nothing compared to…Kagome…

 

I hurt him because I thought I was doing the right thing, Kikyou kept avoiding his gaze, even when he looked back at her. Now, when I regret, he has found Kagome…and we will always be like this…

 

She glanced in the mirror across the hall, staring back at their reflections. Both of them said nothing, looking away from each other desperately. We used to laugh and talk about the silliest things…we were happy…what happened to us now?

 

Not bothering to say anything to him other than a rigid, “Sir Inuyasha,” Kikyou walked off, her head down in guilt.

 

Inuyasha replied, “Lady Kikyou,” watching her walk off, just like Kagome had done. This is the second time…how many women will I have to see walk away from me?

 

 

* * * * * * * *

 

 

That night, a thanksgiving banquet was held, in thanks for the princess' safe rescue. The courtiers smiled and danced, all joyous at the return of their princess and with the feast being held. It was also a banquet celebrating the impending betrothal of the princess to Lord Naraku.

 

As such, a toast was given in the man's honor, and when Inuyasha saw his smug face, an instant rush of dislike came upon him. He wanted nothing more but to march up to that man and declare that he couldn't have Kagome and that was that. But if he did that, what else could he do? Say Kagome was his and his alone? No…that was impossible. Kagome was never his in the first place.

 

Inuyasha took of his normal place at the corner of the room, watching the courtiers dance. His eyes were only on Kagome, dancing (to his annoyance) with Lord Naraku. Naraku kept looking at her in a possessive way, making the hanyou's blood boil, and many times he had to restrain himself from diving in and doing something stupid that would embarrass the princess. He didn't care about his reputation, but if he did something to put a stain on Kagome's, he would never forgive himself.

 

A large, golden goblet filled with wine reflected his face back at him. He was glaring, grinding his teeth, looking possessive and jealous as he watched the two dance. What did it matter if he was jealous? He had Kagome for so little time, so who could blame him if his instincts were telling him another man was about to take his place?

 

He strained his ears; through the music, the laughing, and all the noise of the banquet, his ears twitched as he picked up the sounds of Kagome and Lord Naraku talking. He was speaking softly to her, asking her questions about her journey and about herself. They were unimportant, and Inuyasha didn't listen to them. Instead, he focused on the one sound that had calmed him when they were in the Midlands; her heartbeat.

 

It was calm, almost passive as she replied to the man, and that helped lighten the hanyou's mood. Her heart always raced back when they used to talk like that. She didn't feel anything for this man, of that he was sure. Kagome had admitted in the chapel of the palace of the Midlands, before she knew of this suitor, that if she could marry any man, she would marry him. But, even so, the fact that her life and bed would be signed away to this one man despite her feelings, he couldn't help but seethe at the thought.

 

Suddenly, her heartbeat increased. Naraku had asked about when the soldiers found them in the Midlands…about that time in the palace…But her heart wasn't racing like it did for Inuyasha…something in the way Lord Naraku had asked it had made her afraid.

 

That did it; the hanyou could no longer take it as he strode out on to the ballroom floor, straight towards Kagome and Naraku. “Excuse me,” he growled slightly, glaring at the man he now felt the seeds of hatred form for, “But it isn't fair to keep her from dancing with other men all night, is it?”

 

Kagome looked shocked and mouthed his name, while Naraku glared back at him. “It is not fair for me to be keeping her from other men, but I believe there is no rule against me keeping her from hanyou knights who don't know their place in society—”

 

Kagome cut in, “It is all right, Lord Naraku. Sir Inuyasha and I danced before…Before all this. I see no harm in it.”

 

Clearly Naraku didn't like her answer, but he agreed all the same. “Of course,” he bowed and gently kissed her hand. “I shall wait `til you are free again, Your Highness.” Inuyasha kept glaring until Naraku was out of his sight.

 

Why did you do that? Kagome wondered, her heart betraying her as it raced once more as he turned and took her in his arms, leading her around the room to the tune of the music. Why do you have to make this so hard for me, Inuyasha?

 

The dance, unlike their previous ones, was rigid, and formal. Kagome did not lean into him like she used to, and neither did Inuyasha pull her closer. They would look into each other's eyes for a moment, then turn away, afraid. Kagome's heart raced, spelling out her anxiety. And Inuyasha heard every beat, every time it raced while looking in his eyes, and then her own fears of betraying too much. Kagome…why do you insist on doing this to me?

 

By the time the dance was over, both had wanted it to end for a very long time. Their hands dropped as if they were holding fire, and with one last, longing look in his stunning amber eyes, Kagome turned and raced out the nearest exit, not caring if anyone saw her. Inuyasha of course, followed, her previous actions igniting his now hair-triggered temper.

 

Seeing her race back to her rooms, he threw all propriety aside and yelled, “Kagome, don't you dare run away from me!”

 

She stopped instantly and whirled around, sad and angry tears mixing in her eyes. “You dare order me around, Sir Inuyasha?” she yelled, matching his anger.

 

Marching towards her, he growled, “Don't start up with that again, wench! I'm sick of all this!”

 

“Sick of what?”

 

“This! You trying to avoid me, acting all formal, treating me like I'm no more to you than some damn knight! I know you don't feel that way, so don't even try to lie to me about it! Can't you see that—” At her eyes looking at him in longing as he had cornered her against the wall, he sighed and spoke softer, “Kagome…this…it hurts…Why are you doing this?”

 

Blinking away the tears, Kagome looked down for a moment, taking a shaky breath before glancing back up at him. “Inuyasha…that time in the Midlands…it's over. Now we're back to cruel, harsh reality. You know…you know it'll never work out. I'm a princess, you're a knight…there's too far of a difference in between. And…I'm a human, you're a hanyou…we would never work, don't you see? We're far too—”

 

There it was again, the same words Inuyasha had heard of before, when Kikyou had rejected him. Now, thinking of meeting Kikyou again, and the same situation that he had fallen into before happening again, he couldn't handle it, and lost his temper.

 

His fist slammed into the wall, inches above Kagome's head making her gasp. “Damn it, Kagome, I won't hear this speech again!”

 

She couldn't help but stare, wondering the meaning of the word `again' as he continued, “You seemed to have no problem with me until Naraku came into the picture!”

 

“Inuyasha, that's the point!” Kagome retorted, her voice sounding watery with impending tears. “You can't be more than a knight to me, because of Lord Naraku. There isn't any other way—”

 

“You know, I thought you were different than other nobles,” he cut in with a harsh voice. “I thought you actually thought differently, and didn't care about stuff like that. But you just turned out to be the same, snobby, backstabbing type, didn't you?”

 

Angry tears spilled down her face as she yelled, “What more can I do, Inuyasha? I have no choice! I have to marry Lord Naraku.”

 

“But I know that's not what you want!”

 

“I have no choice! It doesn't matter what I want or not, Inuyasha!”

 

“Yes it does!” he roared, his eyes softer, and his voice soon matching the tone. “Kagome…all you want is to live in peace, as a normal woman, with no obligations to class or propriety, with someone always at your side, to love you forever. That is what you want/”

 

There was a silence as they both looked into each other's eyes, all the pain they had been feeling for the past days flooding their emotions. Yes, that was what Kagome wanted, more than anything…but she had been taught all her life to do what was expected of her. She was a princess, she couldn't be selfish, but still…she had to ask, “And you can give me that?”

 

Her tone was skeptical, and she knew he wouldn't be able to answer. He wanted to say yes, and then whisk her away to fulfill her dreams, but he knew, as she had known, that it had all been impossible. What they had in the Midlands was wonderful, yes, but now this was reality, where dreams of courtly love were shattered once the minstrels stopped their song.

 

“We have obligations in this life that we have to follow, Sir Inuyasha, whether we want it or not,” Kagome whispered, moving away from the wall he had cornered her at and walking back, towards her rooms.

 

But he wasn't going to let her go so easily, after a moment's pause, the hanyou turned around and yelled, “What do you want?”

 

His voice caught her as she turned a corner, making her pause, as a small sob came forth and she ran back to her rooms. She burst through the door to find Hannah dusting up the sitting room. Seeing her mistress in tears, she asked, “My Lady, are you all right?”

 

Kagome lost all shred of control that she had as she cried, “Oh, Hannah!” and fell to her knees sobbing. Her maid knelt next to her and hugged her, patting her back gently as her mistress continued to cry all the pain her heart.

 

“It's all right, My Lady,” Hannah murmured, hoping she would calm down soon. “It's all right…”

 

It's not all right, Hannah, it'll never be all right! Inuyasha…don't you know that what I want…what I've wanted ever since that time in the Midlands, is you?

 

 

* * * * * * * *

 

 

The next day, now with dry eyes, Kagome sat in her sitting room with Sango, both of them working on embroidering some more handkerchiefs for themselves, in silence. Sango had decided when they had first gotten back into the Human Lands to stay by Kagome's side after seeing her so melancholy, instead of returning to her brother. She was free to leave at any time to take care of him if she wished, but somehow, her friend knew that Kagome needed her.

 

“Kagome, remember the story you made up, long ago when we were both girls living at the Western Palace? About the princess and the knight?”

 

Kagome's heart sank at her friend's words. “I remember,” she replied, keeping her eyes on her needle and thread.

 

“Well, I told the story to Kohaku when he was ill. He seemed to like it. You make a good storyteller.”

 

“I suppose,” she answered, her dull voice making the exterminator stare. She had never seen Kagome so moody before.

 

Deciding to change the subject to something that would get her some answers, Sango asked, “Kagome…why haven't you and Sir Inuyasha been speaking lately?”

 

“There is no need,” Kagome replied at once, yanking her needle through the cloth. “He is not saving me from any dragons, Sango…in fact, we hardly run into each other in the hall—”

 

But her friend managed to hit the mark, “He's been upset ever since he heard about your impending betrothal.”

 

Kagome's needle went straight into her finger, and she fought the urge to swear as colorfully as Inuyasha tended to do on a daily basis. “It shouldn't be any of his concern,” she muttered, sucking the droplet of blood off her injured finger.

 

Deciding not to beat around the bush any longer, Sango asked, “Kagome…what happened between you and him in the Midlands? You have been acting odd ever since then, and I didn't need to know him before to know that he is acting odd as well.”

 

Kagome didn't want to tell her; she didn't want to tell anyone. But…the weight of carrying the burden all alone was heavy, and perhaps, she did want to get it off her chest, to one person she knew wouldn't tell anyone. Looking away, Kagome spoke softly, “Something that can never be.”

 

“Kagome,” Sango gently touched her shoulder, to get her to turn around once more. “I didn't know Inuyasha before the time in the Midlands, but…from the way he is acting…Do you think…that perhaps he is acting this way because he is in love with you?”

 

Kagome's heart leapt in her chest; whether it was from joy or fear she didn't know. Turning away, back to her sewing, she replied, “He never said that he was.”

 

“That doesn't mean that he isn't,” her friend retorted.

 

Closing her eyes for a moment, Kagome remembered their recent fight when she told him they could never be together. Yes, by the way he was acting…it would seem…perhaps it was possible that…but, no! She couldn't let herself think about it. It was much better to never acknowledge it at all.

 

After a small silence, the main question that had been bothering Sango was asked, “Do you love him?”

 

“No!” Kagome's head jerked up as she shot it back at once. “No, no, of course not! What happened before was a…summertime fancy, nothing more! Besides,” she sighed, turning back towards her needlework. “There are too many reasons I cannot be in love with him. To me, he will always be nothing more than a dear friend, fondly thought of.”

 

She loves him, Sango noted, without a doubt now. She loves him, even if she doesn't want to admit it to protect her heart.