InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Seasons of the Heart ❯ trois ( Chapter 3 )

tiarella_cordifolia

(The Seasons of the Heart(
~ Kikyo's Grief Journal ~

Many claim that they know Pain, but do they truly understand it? Pain within itself is an oxymoron. It can bring Understanding, and Misconception. It can bring Grief, and undeniable Pleasure. Bliss even.

But perhaps Pain doesn't bring anything. Perhaps, it's just a Deception of Life.

Either way, this is my story, and my experience,

My Pain.

-Disclaimer: The original "Inuyasha" does not belong to me. I only hold claim to any original characters, original story line, and/or original literature/writing style. -Inuyasha Fanfiction =The Season's of the Heart= Author pen name: tiarella_cordifolia; Based on "Inuyasha" the manga/movie. Rated PG-13. To be safe. Genre: General/Romance/Angst

People who are close to you may become the ones you hate. Conversely, those you hate may become the ones you will forever cherish.

Therefore, during the sweet moment of Life, we should not become infatuated with our loved ones. Nor should we deliberately antagonize them during difficult times.

But I didn't understand such. Therefore, I lost Inuyasha.

I lost my only Hope, my only chance to fully Live and Understand Life. I lost my Purpose. Instead, it went to Kagome. She though, knew her Purpose. She understood what it takes to live Life to its fullest.

Kagome and I, we're not so different. And yet, we are. She knew, and I did not. And that, that tiny difference, is what makes us so different.

Sometimes, I wonder, if Kagome really is my reincarnation. She seems so much more confident. So sure of what Life is. I though, I stumbled in the Dark. Unsure of my role in Life.

How can we be so different, and still be alike, connected?

Inuyasha could have been my Purpose and Role in Life. Through Inuyasha, if I accepted him unconditionally like Kagome, I would have learned to Love. But instead, I chose Betrayal, Distrust, and Denial. And that was what led me to my Death.

If perhaps, I trusted my Heart, I would not have listened to Naraku. I would not have been tricked. Tricked by my own Suspicious. My Doubt.

Ever since I was trained to be a miko, I was taught that Doubts of my Purpose would eventually lead to my demise. A miko must be sure of their role in Life, to help purify the World, to rid it of the Evils that plague it. But I could never distinguish Evil from Good. What is Evil and Good? The Elders told me all Demons and anything to do with them was Evil.

Then I met Inuyasha.

And Inuyasha was my Core.

I was so confused. I didn't know what to do. I was taught that my Role was to banish Evil, and Evil was symbolized by Demons. Yet, Inuyasha was my Purpose.

I didn't know.

But Kagome did. She knew. She was able to listen to her Heart. She knew that not all Demons were Evil. It's what the Soul decides that is Evil. Not what one is.

Perhaps, that was what I was intended to figure out. But I never did. I could blame it on Naraku, who only made me more confused and used it to his advantage. But then again, it was my Doubt that led to Naraku's success. So in the end, it's the reliability on humanity that is to blame. In the end, I am as much to blame as any other.

During my time wandering Undecided, I've learned more about Life. About Dreams and Illusions. Life is in itself a Delusion. Hope is a Delusion. Everything we base our Existence on is a Delusion. Nothing is substantial, nothing exists forever. We claim we can keep Hope forever, that as long as there is Existence, there is Hope. But what fuels Hope? Faith. And one can always lose Faith. Without Faith, there is no Hope. Hope is an Illusion, something we want to Believe in, that we Depend on to keep ourselves looking forward.

If we pay more attention and become more aware of our Purpose, we will learn that Life is nothing but a Delusion, because our Purpose of Life is an Illusion.

But within that Illusion, one will learn the Values of Being. And they will understand that to Be does not necessarily mean to Live. One will then forever cherish their Values, in the Being of Life, the Being of Death, and the Being of Whole. Once we understand this concept, we will forever Be.

And that is why, not that I understand, I choose to Live again.

"If we are aware of the fact that all phenomena are illusions, we will then realize that our life is like a dream. To speak of one's dreams in a waking experience is layering one delusion on top of another."

_

The End.