InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Sequel w/o a Name -or- Koga Gets Pwnd ❯ I Shouldn’t Be Allowed Near a Keyboard ( Chapter 1 )

The Sequel without a Name -or- Koga Gets Pwnd

Chapter I…I Shouldn't Be Allowed Near a Keyboard

 

Mwah ha ha ha… This is a sort of sequel to “Naraku's Sick Sense of Humor.” It picks up a few weeks after that one. There might be some serious parts, but I'll try and keep it funny as well. Expect more parody and randomness. Chance of rain 60%. Winds WSW, 12 mph.

Giddy-up, go.

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“Sigh,” said Koga, among the chirping crickets of the night.

“What's the matter, boss?” Hakkaku asked. “You seem down.”

“I am, Hakkaku. Now that Naraku's dead, I've got nothing really left to do. I want to hang out with Kagome, but I don't want to be near that stupid mutt-face.”

“Maybe you could chase him off?”

“Naw. That would make Kagome sad. And then she wouldn't sleep with me.”

“So killing him is out of the question?” Ginta asked.

“Yeah. I would if I could, but this author won't let me. And I have to do and say everything he commands. No matter how ridiculous and/or out of character.”

Koga got up and pondered his existence.

“Hmmm…maybe I should join a cult…”

A meteor streaked by in the night sky. Koga looked at it and made a wish.

“I wish Kagome would leave Inuyasha…”

 

Yeah…good luck with that, buddy. Not while I'm writing this shit.

“Fuck you,” Koga said, angrily.

I'll pass, thanks. Oh, this'll really fry your bacon…Kagome had sex with Inuyasha in chapter 2 of the last story.

“WHAT?!”

Use it on the field!

“Mother fucker…”

 

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Sango and Miroku sat around in the early morning sunlight, yawning, struggling to stay awake. Soon afterwards, a very well rested Kagome emerged from a hut nearby, stretched, and greeted her friends.

“Good morning, you guys! I feel great today!” she said, bubbly.

“Humph,” Sango and Miroku said in unison.

“What? What's wrong?”

“Oh, nothing…I'm just glad some people got some sleep last night…” Sango said, irritated by lack of sleep.

“What do you mean?” Kagome asked, not understanding.

“It's kind of hard to fall asleep,” Miroku began. “now that we've defeated Naraku once and for all.”

“Why? I'd think you guys would sleep better. Especially you, Miroku, now that your Wind tunnel's gone.”

“You would think that…But it's not the case.”

“Indeed,” Sango said. “For you see Kagome, even though Miroku, Shippo and myself spent the night in that hut,” she pointed to a hut across the path, then continued. “at the request of you and Inuyasha…”

“…We were unable to get to sleep because of the constant cries of passion that escaped from your hut every few minutes,” Miroku continued.

Kagome turned redder than Inuyasha's MC Hammer pants.

Inuyasha emerged from the hut, with a smile on his face, and a bounce in his step. He stopped when he saw the haggard faces staring angrily at him.

“Uh…hi guys, what's going on? What's with those looks?”

Kagome pulled him aside.

“Inuyasha…we've been keeping them awake…”

Inuyasha was silent.

“At night…”

He looked at her vacantly.

“With the noise…”

Blank stare.

“We're too loud when we have sex!” yelled Kagome. Jeez, I got to spell it out for you? She thought.

“It's true Inuyasha. Sango and I have not been able to sleep a full night ever since Naraku was defeated. At first it was amusing, hearing you two going at it like that…” Miroku said.

“Maybe even cute,” Sango cut in.

“…But now it's just aggravating. I've no desire to do anything but lie down. I don't even have the energy to grope Sango's glorious backside,” Miroku continued.

“And I don't have the energy to slap him after he does,” Sango interrupted again.

“Realize this, Inuyasha and Kagome. Even after hearing that from Sango, I still don't have the energy to grope her.”

Inuyasha and Kagome were stunned.

“I…we…I didn't realize we were being that loud…I'm so sorry,” Kagome said.

Inuyasha stood there silently. He was torn between feeling bad for keeping them awake…and proud for being that good in bed.

Just then, Kagome felt a twang.

“I sense a jewel shard! A giant one!”

“Have fun going after it,” Miroku said.

“Why, aren't you coming?”

“Fuck, no! I'm going back to bed! Maybe I'll be able to rest, now that you two beasts will be away!”

“I'm inclined to agree with Miroku,” Sango said. “I'm not going anywhere for the next 10 hours.”

“Whatever,” Inuyasha said with a shrug. “Have a good rest.”

As they walked off, Inuyasha said, “Heh. You're the loud one, Kagome. I wonder if you're part demon…”

“Shut up!” Kagome said, laughing.

Sango and Miroku were finally alone with each other. All alone. Except for each other. No one else around to interrupt…if, say, they were to…do…something…*cough*

Yes, they could finally do what they've always wanted to do…

 

Go to sleep.

 

What? What were you thinking? …Perverts.

 

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“The shard is getting closer! I think this is the shard Naraku had!” Kagome exclaimed. “If it is, we'll have the whole thing!”

“Awesome. Then what?” Inuyasha asked.

“I don't know…no one really does…”

“Party?”

“Most likely.”

“…sexy party?”

“Most likely.”

 

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They came upon a clearing, where Kagome got the shock of her life.

“Oh my god!” she exclaimed. “The shard is right there!”

“Where?”

“There!” she said, pointing at a lump of rotting flesh. “Ewww…”

Inuyasha went over to it, and examined it closely.

“You sure?”

“Yes! The whole chunk is right there!”

Inuyasha hesitated, then plunged his hand into the lump of decaying matter. He gagged a little bit, but then produced a large glowing pink rock.

“Holy shit.”

Kagome jumped up and down with excitement and took the jewel from Inuyasha, purifying the rotten meat around it. She took out her vial of jewel shards and using her powers, fused them together.

“We're still missing a piece of it…About two shards worth…” she said to Inuyasha.

“…Koga…”

 

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Koga, for some reason or another, had decided to visit the village where the Bone-eater's Well was. He felt drawn there, for a reason only the author could explain…but for some reason chose not to. Cause he didn't know what it was. He was making it up as he went along. Whatever came into his head, he typed. It was getting to a point where-

“Get on with it!” screamed Koga. “Jesus Christ...”

STFU! Anyway, Koga was traveling towards the village, when the wind shifted, and he could smell his favorite scent in the world…Kagome.

Still troubled about what the author had told him earlier, Koga vowed to talk to Kagome. He needed to hear from her what the author had basically told him…that Kagome was with Inuyasha…in bed…every night…all night long…Koga was very saddened…Almost to the point of finding those Emo CDs the emobot had ejected from itself in the last story, and waiting until the CD player was invented so he could listen to them and cry himself to sleep.

“I'm not that sad.”

Yes you are. He was so sad, that the author decided to cut him some slack later in the story.

“Really?”

Yes. But you're going to have to earn it.

“Oh no…”

The author laughed evilly.

 

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Kagome and Inuyasha returned to Sango and Miroku's hut and left them a note saying they'd gone back to Kaede's village to tell her about the success with the jewel. Kaede was thrilled when they told her.

“Ay! That's very good of ye! I am in awe! The entire Jewel of Four Souls is in ye hands!” Kaede said.

“Well…it's not quite the entire jewel…there're still two more shards that we need…” Kagome corrected her.

“Mine,” said a deep voice.

“Koga…” Kagome said.

“I thought I smelled you, mangy wolf…”

“Not now Inuyasha. I just need to talk to Kagome…then I'll be on my way.”

“What do you mean, `talk?' The hell does that mean?”

“The author told me something, and I need to hear it from Kagome.”

“Then ask away, wolf.”

Koga looked annoyed.

“Can we get some privacy?”

“How do I know you won't just kidnap her and take off like the first time we met?”

Koga looked at Inuyasha, walked up to him, and put something in his hand.

“How's that?”

Inuyasha opened his hand and saw two jewel shards.

“Feh. You got five minutes, then I'm coming back in.” He left.

Kagome looked at Koga and thought, What could the author have told him that would make him act like this?

Koga looked at Kagome and said, “Kagome I'm going to be blunt.”

“Okay.”

“The author told me that you're screwing Inuyasha.”

“Eep!” Kagome turned bright red.

“Is it true?”

Kagome looked at Koga and said, “Yes. I'm sorry, Koga, it's just that, well…He's a main character, I'm a main character…and you…well, you're just a foil…”

Koga wanted desperately to become Emo.

“I see…” He looked at her again and said, “Goodbye, Kagome.”

As he left, he offered his hand to Inuyasha.

“What's this? You're not getting the jewel back, if that's what you're after…”

“Just shake my hand, mutt-face.”

Inuyasha shook Koga's hand, and Koga started down the road, back to where he ordered Hakkaku and Ginta to wait.

“I don't get it!” Inuyasha called after him. “What just happened?”

Koga just waved.

 

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Koga finally realized what a douchebag he was. He also realized he would never get laid. Poor, sad, Emo Koga.

“I'm not Emo. I'm not even that sad.”

Yes you are. You just got dumped. Although, technically, you got dumped years ago. And didn't realize it. How's that make you feel?

“Shitty. How else?”

Want a tissue?

“Go to hell.”

Ouch. Koga was pissy now, too. By the time he got back to Hakkaku and Ginta, it was very late. They were surprised to see him walking towards them, looking slightly down at the ground.

“What's wrong, Koga? You look Emo…” Ginta asked gently.

“Nothing! Nothing's wrong!” Koga snapped.

“Whoa! Calm down, Koga…”

“What happened, boss? Something happened…” Hakkaku said.

“None of yer damn business!” Koga barked, and sat down.

Hakkaku and Ginta began gossiping amongst themselves and the wolves.

“Maybe he got dumped…He wasn't running, maybe he had to give up the jewel shards…Maybe he's Emo…”

“I'm not EMO!”

Koga stood up and started to run away, but he was so used to his insane speed caused by the shards, that he had forgotten how to run slowly, and ended up tripping over himself and falling. A lot. Hakkaku and Ginta just watched as their boss tried to escape and go be alone again.

“Should we go after him?”

“Nah, let him be for a bit.”

 

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Koga ran off, crying like a little girl who had just seen a truckload of puppies blow up as it collided with an ice cream truck driven by Santa Claus.

“I'm not crying!”

Yes you are.

“No I'm not!” he felt the tears running down his face. “Son of a bitch, I am…Goddamnit.”

Told you. Next time you better recognize. So on Koga ran, realizing his limitations now that he had no jewel shards anymore. He finally realized how weak he actually was without the jewel, and saw why Kagome didn't like him.

“She wouldn't want to be with someone this weak…” he thought. He was half right. She wouldn't want to be with someone that weak…named Koga. (Ooh, burn)

“What is your problem with me? Why do you do this to me?” Koga said through tears.

…I…I just plain don't like you as a character. You were introduced as the second biggest asshole in the universe, and then suddenly we're all supposed to accept you as a good guy, and completely disregard the fact that you ordered your wolves to kill everyone in the village, then kidnapped Kagome with the intent to eat her when she stopped being of use, then you talked of possibly raping her! And we're supposed to accept you? I think not. You're a murderer, a kidnapper, and a possible sex offender. Koga, in this episode, you're my bitch. Deal with it.

Koga looked ahead blankly, the tears stopping, slowing to a trickle, finally ceasing entirely. He was coming down off his Emoness.

“I'm not Emo.”

The author ignored Koga's cries of denial of his true form. Koga ended up running until he passed out…which was about 5 minutes later.

“Fuck you. I'm not that weak,” Koga spat. Then he collapsed. “Arrgh!”

 

************************************

Inuyasha asked Kagome again, “What just happened here? I'm so confused.”

Kagome looked Inuyasha in the eyes and said, “I just told Koga that he has no chance with me, and he took it kind of hard.”

Inuyasha's mood greatly improved, now that he knew that Koga knew Inuyasha and Kagome were an item, and he was the third wheel.

“Inuyasha…don't get any ideas about going after him and gloating…You'll get sat several times if you do. He's been hurt enough for one day.”

Inuyasha twitched on the inside. He had been thinking of doing just that. But the threat of a sitting made him think twice.

“But I thought you didn't care about him. So what if he gets hurt?”

Kagome looked at him and said, somewhat shocked, “Inuyasha! I don't hate him! I just broke his heart, can't we leave him alone for a while so he can get over it? How would you feel if I had gone the other way and you were the one sulking in the forest?”

Inuyasha thought for a moment, and said, “I'd feel like a piece of shit.”

“Exactly. So leave him alone. We have to decide what to do with the jewel.”

“You know, that whole full fledged demon thing…I don't know…It's not calling out to me anymore like it used to…”

“…Yeah…I would hope so…I don't really want to be killed when we have sex…”

“Yeah…So what could we do with it then? Once people know we have the whole thing, we'll have demons coming out of our asses trying to steal it.”

“Hmm…Well, we need to do something good with it…”

“Hmm…”

Kagome sighed. “I got nothing.”

“Same here. God, this is harder than I thought it would be.”

Just then, the author cut in. Why not use it to keep the well open and let anyone through who wishes to do so under pure intentions? And you only tell those who you want that they can do that.

Kagome and Inuyasha both rolled the suggestion over in their heads.

“Brilliant!” shouted the guy from the Guinness commercials.

“I agree with that guy. Let's do it!”

And then they did something really cool and the jewel was purified and the well stayed open forever and ever and they only told a few people that they could go through the well and all that happy fun stuff that I don't feel like describing right now. The next chapter will do some stuff and blah blah blah whatever.

 

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Yeah, I got lazy at the end. So? You wanna make something of it? You wanna step outside? Let's step outside, let's go, come on! *picks up a pipe* You still wanna piece, foo'? *gets shot* Ouch. Next chapter when I get to it. Bye.