InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Sequel w/o a Name -or- Koga Gets Pwnd ❯ Humorous Chapter Title ( Chapter 3 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

The Sequel without a Name -or- Koga Gets Pwnd

Ch III…Humorous Chapter Title

It has been awhile. Does anyone even remember me? Does anyone even really read these stories? I could give you an elaborate reason why I haven't written anything, but it would be a lie. I just had no ideas. So…yeah…I'm just going to make shit up as I go along and we'll see how it turns out, then, eh?

Now with 30% less fat! But 80% more crap!

__________________________________________________________

Koga emerged from the well, trying to be stealthy but failing in every aspect because he wears a tiny mini-skirt.

It was night for some reason, even though it was, like, noon-ish when he entered the well…time travel is retarded…Anyway, it was night and it was cold, and kind of damp out.

He shivered in his tiny mini-skirt.

“I hate you so much right now, you don't even know,” Koga said to the author.

Don't blame me, Koga. Rumiko was the one who gave you a tiny mini-skirt. It's not my fault you're a cross-dresser.

Koga knew from experience that the only place he'd fit in was the red light district, with all the hookers and she-males, so he followed the smell of skank and found himself at a street corner occupied by questionable ladies of the night.

“Excuse me, ladies?” Koga asked, trying not to sound interested in their services.

One of them approached him, eyeballed him, and said, in an extremely husky voice, “Are you the new girl? You'll never get any with a chest that flat.”

“Um…what? I'm a guy…” Koga began to fear for whatever shred of manhood he had.

“So am I…only during the day, though…Look sweetie, you gotta look like a chick for the desperate ones to pick ya up, and then, bam! That's when you surprise them with the pork sword,” the hooker said, followed by a chesty, nasty, phlegmy cough. “If they're really, really desperate, they won't care, but if they start to freak out, you gotta either turn up the charm or run like hell.”

“Oh god…Um, no…I'm not…I just want…” The terror built inside him, and he began to sweat like a guy who was sweating a lot. (great simile, huh?)

“What? You looking for some action, sailor?” Again with the disgusting hacking cough.

Koga panicked. And he did what he always does when faced with a dead end challenge…he made like a tree and got the fuck out of there.

He booked, too. The last he wanted was to be sexually assaulted by Man-Faye. However, the tranny wasn't done with him.

“Hey, where ya goin'? I can rock yer world, baby! I'll do things your woman can't because of her anatomy!” The hooker coughed again.

Koga continued to run, faster than he ran before, when he was crying in the woods and denying his inner emo self. He ran because even though the author makes fun of him for being gay, he isn't actually a homosexual…or at least that's what he keeps telling himself…

Koga ran until he couldn't run anymore…which was like, 2 blocks…Koga stopped and hid behind a building. He could still see the trannies on the street corner, and for some reason, he felt compelled to watch them. He had heard of men dressing as women as part of some strange fetish, but he had never witnessed it first hand. The curiosity was too much. He decided to get a closer look, and since the building he was hiding behind was only three stories, it would be a good vantage point from which they couldn't see him.

Using what little, actual, non-jewel inspired physical strength he had, Koga climbed the fire escape and crawled onto the roof, where he peered down at the she-males below. And he sat and watched as they stood around, waiting for a John.

Eventually, a car pulled up, with a brown haired young man behind the wheel. One of the she-males leaned into the car, and Koga could faintly hear a financial transaction taking place, before “she” got in the car and it drove away.

Koga was surprised, but at the same time not surprised, since feudal Japan was full of brothels. However, the prospect of the drive-thru brothel was new to him, and it took him a minute to fully comprehend what just happened.

“I need to find some new clothes…Even though I love this min-skirt, I need to fit in in Kagome's time, or someone will see me and flip out when they realize who I am. And how powerful and strong and awesome I am.”

*******************************

The morning came, and Koga woke up next to a bum in the alley in which he had fallen asleep.

“Fuck,” the bum mumbled. “This guy smells like shit.”

“And what? You smell like roses?” Koga snapped back, getting up and leaving the alley.

“Fuckin' bum.”

The early morning brought about an insane amount of pedestrians, and Koga realized he was screwed.

“So much for keeping a low profile…Now all these people are going to witness my greatness and cause chaos…”

Yeah, they all ignored him. The Japanese are a busy people. They have stuff to do. They don't care about some guy in a skirt. I'm sure most of them have seen weirder shit in the grocery store. Koga was grateful that no one freaked out, but at the same time, saddened because even in this time, he was insignificant…

Aw, shed a tear… colon apostrophe open parentheses :'(

Yeah, anyway…So Koga wandered the streets of Tokyo like a tourist, amazed for hours at how much the world he once occupied had changed and looked nothing like he remembered.

But just then, there was a scene change.

***********************************

(Oh god, too much headphone wire! HELP! It's attacking! Oh GOD! Why did I need 25 feet of it??)

Ahem. Anyway…Kagome for some reason has still not graduated from high school…It couldn't be from her .00000000000000001% attendance record or anything…so she had to go to school, while Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango and the rodent that is Shippo waited at her house. With nothing to do. Except sit around awkwardly in Kagome's house. Doing nothing and being very, very boring.

“So, Inuyasha, what did you do when you would come here and Kagome would have to go to class?” Sango asked.

Inuyasha blinked rapidly. He knew what he did when Kagome was gone and he was left alone in the house. But he certainly would not say it in front of Kagome's mother, nor in front of Sango, nor in front of anyone, actually.

“Um, Inuyasha?” Miroku asked.

“Huh? Oh…I usually, um…sleep…Yeah, I lay around and do nothing…”

“Really,” Miroku said, not believing him at all.

“Yup.”

Shippo coughed.

“What was that?” Inuyasha growled at Shippo.

“I coughed, you punk!” Shippo snorted back.

“My ass, you did! You said something, you little shit!”

“I just coughed! Get over yourself!”

“Go play in traffic!”

“Maybe I will!”

“You won't do it, you're all talk!”

“Watch me, ass!”

“Talk!”

Shippo left the house, slamming the door behind him, and wandered off into the abyss of the city.

“Inuyasha, I don't think you should let him out on his own like that,” Sango said.

“Feh, he'll be fine. He's probably just going to sit around in the garden and dig holes,” Inuyasha said, dismissing her concern.

***************************************

Shippo got on the subway and rode it until he felt like getting off. When he emerged from the terminal and found himself deep in the heart of the city, he was a mix of scared and excited. Here he was, in a place he had never been, with new sights and people and…ugh. All that bullshit.

And just as it seemed like it was going somewhere, there was another scene change.

***************************************

Koga did not have a clue where the hell he was. There were too many smells to follow any particular one, and sadly, Koga is illiterate, so signs were useless to him. He was afraid to ask anyone for help for fear of drawing too much attention to himself, so he kept wandering, getting more lost which each step. He did notice something odd, though. He kept seeing signs with pictures of people on it wearing funny clothes…clothes like his…For lack of anything better, Koga followed the signs and found himself at a strange cultic gathering.

Koga saw several strangely dressed individuals enter a convention center, so he followed them in.

“What is going on?” he said aloud, looking around. “These women are scantily clad, and these guys look simply ridiculous. Phony weapons, fake horns, makeup…what is this?”

“The fuck are you talking about? How do you not know what this is, you're in costume like the rest of us,” a voice said.

“Huh?” Koga spun and faced a guy dressed like an obese Ed Elric (of course Koga didn't know that). “What is this?”

“It's a cosplay convention. Are you a noob or something?”

“Cosplay? What's that? And what's a noob?”

“Wow. Woooowww. Cosplay, dude. When you dress up like your favorite anime character? How can you not know, you're dressed like Koga.”

“Anime? And how do you know me?”

“You are a noob. Jeez…and this costume is all wrong. The skirt is not short enough and this tail is just beat. What, did you leave it in the woods for a year? Gawd, this is the worst Koga I've ever seen.”

“I am Koga! What are you talking about?” Koga yelled, getting pissed.

“The attitude is pretty good though, I'll give you that.”

“The hell…”

“That sword sucks, too, sorry, just thought you should know. Next time you should go to an actual knife shop instead of a toy store.”

“What are you talking about, this isn't a toy!”

Koga unsheathed his sword for like, the second time since he'd gotten it. He just got it for looks, he never really intended to use it, since he just ran from combat when it got to be too much for him.

“Ok, whatever…So it's not a toy. It just looks beat. Calm down. But you need to work on this. The whole point of cosplay is to get the costume down. You look like you did a half-assed job on it.”

“I…am…Koga…” Koga said through gritted teeth.

“Sure you are. And I'm Ed Elric, state alchemist. LOL.”

“…I'm still not sure what's going on here, but I'm starting to get freaked out…” Koga's head began to spin. He was beginning to lose it.

Fat Elric could see Koga's eyes beginning to spin, and began to get concerned.

“You alright?”

“No…I'm not…I came through the well, almost got molested by a man dressed as a woman, I've been lost for hours, and now I've got some kid telling me I don't look like myself, and how he knows what I look like is another question I need answered!”

By this time, a crowd was starting to gather.

“Jeez, calm down, dude…I was just…” Fat Elric said, cautiously.

“No, man! I…I…I've had a bad time recently…People kept kicking me in the balls, Kagome dumped me for that mangy mutt, and now this…” Koga sputtered, exasperated.

“It's just a bad costume, relax, jeez. I didn't mean to piss you off, I was just trying to help you with some constructive criticism…”

“It's…not…a…costume…I...am…KO GA!”

Koga leaped onto the fat kid and started punching him.

“I AM KOGA!” he screamed, continuing to beat the kid. “Fucking SAY IT!”

“OK! YOU ARE KOGA! GET OFF ME WHAT ARE YOU DOING HELP!!!”

Security was called, and Koga was pulled from the guy and they attempted to eject him from the building. He ran, running just to run away from it all, and he found himself in a locker room. He built a good head start on the guards, and took a second to gather his thoughts. Luckily for him, there was a backpack on the ground and someone had left a locker open. Koga stripped, stuffed his things in the backpack, and raided the locker, seizing a disguise before bolting through a different door and then out an open window.

******************************************

Kagome sighed. She secretly hated school. Now that the jewel was gone and Naraku defeated, this is what she would be doing with her life. Somehow, even though she'd been going to the feudal era for what seemed like years, she and all her friends were still in the same grade in high school. Go figure. And just like Kagome's luck, there were 27 tests that day…all of them crucial for passing the 85th semester…and she hadn't studied for them…so Kagome did what she always did.

She cried.

They gave her a C+ out of pity.

Later, she and her friends went to that crappy McDonalds knock-off and gorged themselves on greasy death burgers.

“So, Kagome, how's that psycho boyfriend of yours doing?” asked Yuki.

Kagome thought for a moment, wondering if she should mention that Inuyasha was here in her time. “Um…he's fine, actually…He finally got over his ex…”

“OMIGOD?!? Really?!?!?” they all shouted in disbelief, scaring some poor fat kid in the corner into eating his prize by mistake.

“No more two-timing? Maybe he's calmed down… Maybe he realized what a catch Kagome is…Maybe something's up…How come all of a sudden he's just over her?” Speculations flew from the three girls and poor Kagome just sat there like the blonde she really is, deep down inside.

“Heh. I guess things just finally worked out…” she said nervously. “I hope they don't figure out I had sex with Inuyasha, they'll never leave me alone…” she thought to herself.

“Uh oh…” Ayumi said all of a sudden.

“What?” asked Kagome.

“Hojo.”

Kagome blinked a few times. “What about him?”

“Well…..we kinda….maybe…possibly…”

“What did you do?”

“Um…date?”

Kagome let out a disgusted grunt. “I told you guys, I don't like Hojo like that! Besides…” she lowered her voice to a low whisper, “Doesn't he ping a little on your gaydar?”

Ayumi and Eri both said simultaneously, “What?! Nooo….” But Yuki said nothing.

The others looked at her.

“You think he is??”

Yuki shrugged, then nodded. “Well, some of the signs are there…”

“Like what?”

Yuki thought for a moment, then began listing things (which each received a nod of agreement from Kagome).

“He waxes his eyebrows and chest, and gets manicure, (I've seen him at the tanning salon). He dresses spectacular and coordinated even outside of school, he shops for curtains with his sister and mom, he cleans his house constantly, and he listens to women…” the list of stereotypical homosexual behavior continued. For a while.

“Oh come on! So he's just sensitive! Give him a chance, Kagome!”

“NO! I love Inuyasha, that's why he and I had s-” Kagome stopped herself mid-sentence, then paled, fearful that she just slipped up and revealed too much.

Her friends' jaws all dropped.

“Kagome, you didn't…” began Ayumi.

Kagome when from pale to bright red, then hid under her coat.

“Oh. My. God.”

“Shut up,” Kagome said.

“…”

“Shut up!”

“Let's go somewhere else, people are starting to stare at us…” Eri said.

*************************************************************

Koga managed to evade the security guards from the convention hall, and found his way to the outskirts of Kagome's district.

“Well, this is starting to look somewhat familiar…Maybe I'm not totally lost…”

Yeah, actually he was still totally lost…Sorry, dude.

Koga sighed. Just then, he smelled a familiar scent.

The camera zoomed in on his eyes, which widened.

“Kagome.”

****************************************************************< /div>

“Inuyasha…Shippo still hasn't come back…What if he's in trouble?”

“Oh, come on, Sango, he survived back in the feudal era, he can make it in the modern era… What's the worst that could happen?”

“Hey, guys, there's something happening on Kagome's image box…” Miroku said.

“It's called a TV, don't be a dick.” Inuyasha said.

They all turned and looked at the screen. The reporter was in mid sentence.

“…three o'clock this afternoon. The child appears to be between six and eight years old, and somehow found his way to the very top of the construction site's crane. Now, he hangs dangerously from the arm of the crane, some 70 plus stories high. Rescuers are trying to get up there to get him down, but it's not an easy task. There are high winds to battle and the balance and safety issue for the rescuers must also be taken into account. We'll have more info for you as the story develops, but here's a shot of what has happened so far.”

The reporter began to narrate the film as it was shown.

“Here we see the child first climbing the crane…this was taken by an amateur photographer on a field trip...now we see police arriving on the scene as the child climbs higher…Now by this time, we arrived shortly after police, and were able to get this blurred shot of the child…Watch as we zoom in…”

The camera slowly zoomed in, and Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku leaned in to try and see who it was.

“That can't be…”

“Is it?”

“I can't tell…”

Just then the door opened.

“What's going on?” the person entering asked.

“Does that look like Shippo to you?”

“Um…No…Since I'm right here,” Shippo said. “You really think I'd be that stupid to climb that high? I'm not an idiot, you know.”

All three looked dumbfounded, but sighed in relief.

The TV spoke up.

“We've just obtained the identity of the `child'. In fact, he is not a child, but a Little Person, and apparently, he intends to jump. Police are attempting to talk him down, but it doesn't seem to be working…”

“It would be easier to just stab yourself,” Inuyasha said. “Why jump to your death?”

“Well, look at the attention he's getting…Maybe that's what it's about…” Sango said.

“Hey, wait, what's going on now?” asked Miroku.

They turned to look at the screen. “…climbing up towards the man, now identified as Stereotypical Asianname, and he appears to be trying to get him down safely…This is amazing, he managed to get past authorities and scale the rigging up to the arm of the crane where Mr. Asianname is positioned…Wait, he's reached the top…It seems like he's talking to him now…I…I can't really see what's going on now, the sun is in my eyes…What's…Of all the times…” the reporter said.

“Inuyasha…Does the guy up there look familiar to you at all?”

Inuyasha stared at the man on the screen, then made a face.

“Nah, couldn't be…”

**************************************************************

Koga followed the smell of Kagome and discovered her amongst a large crowd staring up at a construction site.

People were saying things like, “Oh my god” and “look at that, what's going on”

Kagome and her three friends were there as well, all looking up, amazed at what was going on.

Koga carefully approached her. He didn't want to startle her, but also, he wanted to see what all the commotion was about.

“That kid…I hope he gets down all right…oh god…this is scary…” Kagome said to her friends.

“I'm sure he'll be fine,” Koga murmured.

Kagome turned slowly, in disbelief, and instantly saw who she thought she just heard.

“Koga?!”

Koga smiled weakly. “Hey.”

“What…How…What are you doing here?”

“Um…I don't know, I guess I just wanted to see you, see what it was like here…That's all…”

“Koga…I thought we discussed this already…”

Kagome's friends were intrigued. “Who's that guy? That doesn't look like Kagome's boyfriend…Did she two-time Inuyasha?”

“Look, Kagome…Maybe we…” Koga began.

“No, Koga…No `maybe'…No `someday'…I thought I made it clear that I'm with Inuyasha…I need you to leave now, it's creepy that you followed me here…”

“What do I have to do to make you listen to me for just a minute? Something heroic, like Inuyasha does? Well, then watch…”

Koga approached the police barricade, attempting to get past and go save the jumper, when all of a sudden someone yelled, “Hey, look at that!”

Koga looked up and saw someone approaching the jumper.

“Aw, damnit…”

The mystery person ran towards the jumper, grabbed him, then dashed back down the crane carrying the jumper, before dropping him on the roof next to police waiting below, then disappearing into the rooftops.

“What the…?” Koga said, sure that he recognized the savior.

Koga turned around to see if Kagome had the same reaction, but she was gone, as were her friends. His spirits fell even more than usual. Awwww…

*********************************************************

“Who was that guy, Kagome?” Ayumi asked, anxiously.

“Ugh. Remember that guy I told you about, the one that Inuyasha was fighting with over me? That was him, Koga…I told him that I wasn't interested in him, but he never listens…More stubborn than Inuyasha, if that's even possible,” Kagome responded.

“He's practically a stalker! God, it's worse than…Hojo!”

Kagome was caught off guard as Hojo walked up.

“Uh…What are you doing here coming out of the shadows at an inconvenient moment…not like I was talking about you behind your back or anything, why would I do that, heh heh…” Kagome rambled. “Um…What's going on, Hojo?”

“Oh, nothing much…Just confirming if you're going with me to the movies Saturday night. Ayumi and Yuki told me that you'd love to go…” Hojo said in his sickeningly positive manner.

Kagome outright panicked. She struggled to come up with an excuse, but merely ended up squeaking, which Hojo took as a “yes.” `Cause he's fuckin' dumb.

Suddenly, the scene changed.

***********************************************************

Kagome got home, depressed and upset at her friends, which is justifiable since they don't listen to her at all. Anyway, she found Inuyasha and Miroku intensely studying the news footage from the jumper story earlier in the day.

“Hey, Sango, what's going on?” she asked.

Sango shrugged and sighed, “They're convinced that they recognize the guy that saved the jumper earlier. I don't see it…”

Kagome got a chill.

“Huh. Really…Funny you say that…”

Sango cocked her head a little, and Inuyasha and Miroku both looked over to Kagome.

“Ha!” said Inuyasha. “So Miroku and I aren't crazy!”

Kagome sighed and said, “I did see someone today…”

Inuyasha leaned in, patiently awaiting Kagome's continuation.

“Koga came up to me today…”

Inuyasha fell flat on his face.

“How the FUCK is KOGA here?” Inuyasha said, pissed as all hell.

“I don't know, but he was here, and he was near that jumper talking about doing something heroic…Does it look like him?”

Inuyasha looked again at the tape, and decided, “No, it doesn't look like Koga…So who could it be?”

Kagome was puzzled. “I don't understand how you guys could recognize someone from my time…It would have to be someone from the feudal era, but I don't know who would benefit from coming here…”

“How would Koga benefit from being here?” Miroku asked. “I thought you crushed his dreams pretty hard.”

Kagome got annoyed. “I let the guy down easy! Come on!”

Inuyasha scoffed. “He'll never learn until he's dead. He's always going to keep trying to get with you…Where is he so I can kick his ass?”

Kagome said, more frustrated, “I don't know…I told him to leave me alone and he ran off into the crowd, he could be anywhere in Tokyo by now…Give it a rest…”

Inuyasha stood up. “Fuck that!”

Kagome said her token catch phrase, sending Inuyasha to the ground…In a way that never gets old…No matter how many times they do it…show…after show…after show…

Inuyasha got up and said, annoyed, “I'm going to kick the shit out him if he comes near you again.”

Kagome responded with, “Yeah, ok…”

Inuyasha sulked in the corner as the scene changed.

*************************************************************

Koga decided to go drown his sorrows in lots of alcohol, but he had no money. Fuck, he doesn't get a break, huh?

Well, he found a bar and walked in, sat down in front of the barkeep, and began weaving his sad, pathetic tale of woe, sorrow, and…fuckin'… rain clouds… and, like… stuff.

“I met this beautiful woman…Long legs, flowing black hair, huge round…eyes…She was perfect…”

“So what happened?” the barkeep asked.

“Well…When we first met, it was a little awkward…I may have tried to kidnap her…”

“…Ok…”

“Just…bear with me here, ok? I was in a bad position, and she was the only one who could help, but she wouldn't listen at first…Anyway, something happened, and before I knew it, I fell for her…”

“…I hear it all the time…”

“The only thing is…she was with this pathetic loser mutt-face…I looked at this kid and I could see I was so much better for her than he was…I could give her everything…but again, she wouldn't listen…”

“How long did it go on?”

“Years. Every chance I got, I tried to win her over…Fighting, athletics, machismo…”

Some guy in the back of the bar snorted, “Machismo? He's in a skirt…”

“…But no matter what, she always sided with the idiot…There were times I thought she was interested, but it always turned out she needed help with something, and I'd get kicked to the curb afterwards…”

The bartender shook his head. “That's terrible…”

“…Finally, one day, I found out she was sleeping with the idiot…I was devastated…How could she do this to me? Did I mean nothing to her all this time?”

The guy from before stifled another snort.

“…So, I confronted her…And she told me straight up…She said I wasn't a main character…That I was just a foil, and she could never be with me because of that…”

Everyone in the bar went, “Ooh…” and winced.

“That's harsh…” said the barkeep.

“…I couldn't leave it at that…I found out she was coming here, and I followed, and tried one more time to show her what she was missing out on, but she dumped me again…And here I am…”

“Isn't that stalking?” the snorting guy asked his friend.

“Shut up, he's so broken up about it…Insensitive ass…” she snapped back.

The barkeep thought for a minute, then said, “Maybe you came on too strong, kid. You should just move on, you know?”

“I…I can't…I've been chasing her for so long…I…I don't know anything else…”

The barkeep leaned over, put his hand on Koga's shoulder, and said, “Then shut the fuck up and drink,” as he gave Koga some hard liquor.

Koga looked at the glass and emptied it into his throat as the scene changed again.

***********************************

Kagome had been taking a nap, but awoke suddenly.

“Hojo...”

Just then, the phone rang.

Inuyasha's ears flattened. He hated the loud ring of Kagome's phone almost as much as the vacuum.

Kagome answered it and was only half-surprised to hear Hojo on the other end.

“Hi, Kagome. You ready to go?”

Kagome's face contorted as she struggled to come up with a good reason to bail.

“Um…Not really…Because…my…cat needs to…um…”

“I got us two movie tickets and a dinner reservation,” Hojo said.

Kagome sighed. “Look, Hojo, I'm already in a serious sexual relationship with a guy for the past few years, and I don't think it would be a good idea to go out with you tonight.”

“Great!” Hojo was obviously not listening. “I'll pick you up in an hour!”

Kagome hung up the phone.

Inuyasha's jealousy burned. “Who was that?”

Kagome sighed again. “…Hojo…He doesn't get it, plus I think he's gay…He wants me to go out with him tonight…”

Inuyasha's face contorted with rage.

“Don't even start that shit, Inuyasha! You heard me tell him I was with you!”

He grumbled something. “Is he coming here?”

“…Unfortunately…”

“Then I'll have to set him straight…”

Kagome grabbed Inuyasha and said sternly, “Don't lay a hand on him, got it? He's not a threat, he's just dumb.”

Inuyasha grumbled again.

_______________

And this will get picked up a little later…Thanks for waiting…