InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Street Musician ❯ Love, or Loss? ( Chapter 4 )

I do not own Inuyasha & Co.

 

Hey, everyone. I know it's been a bit since I wrote another chapter for this baby, and I was inspired to write this chapter a bit earlier than usual due to some poetry I came across which I wrote recently. Yes, I wrote a lyric earlier this year, which reflects certain feelings related to certain personal circumstances. These words belong to me, and I am proud to say they will appear as song lyrics written by Kagome as she listens to Inu play. So, enjoy not only the pictures I will paint in this chapter, but also my talent in lyric writing. Lyrics and poetry in italics.

 

Reviewer's Corner

 

From Media Miner. Org:

 

Silver Angeliss: Thank you very much for your comment, and I also thank you most of all for pointing out the grammatical errors I made…That helped me a lot (wink)

 

Ms. Shay: Wow! I am really happy this is your fave fic! Thank you so much! I also apologize that this chappy took so long to be posted, but I hope it was worth the wait…It was, right?

 

Little Tennyo: Hey, bud! I'm glad to see you're reading my schtuff, and yes, it is only in the beginning stages, but I will continue to write, and in no time, there will be plenty to read. I'm glad you hold this fic so highly, and I try hard to make mine completely original. I'm just having fun making everyone happy, and I'm glad you're one of those people, bud. Thanks again for the encouragement and the big kiss! Love ya! (Smooch)

 

From Fan Fiction. Net:

 

Crazy-Inuyasha-Girl20: Thanks bud! (Glomps you)

 

remix-69er: Yes, that is a unique relationship Miroku holds with Inuyasha's mother. And I definitely loved when Inuyasha walked Kagome home and how she acted after he ran off. So sweet! And you had better believe I will continue this bohemian tale (wink) especially with encouragement from you (wide smile).

 

obsessed-fangirl-mimi: Red eyes, huh? Hmm…now, that would definitely be interesting. I've always been more partial to blue eyes, especially if they shine like turquoise in the sunlight (sigh) anyways, thanks for the comment!

 

Demon Darkchild: LOL! Thanks for the grade, teacher (smiles widely).

 

mili: Thank ya very much, and I'm glad you are also enjoying Unaware. I'm sorry it took a bit longer to update this one though. Hopefully I can get my schedule back together so that won't happen anymore. I don't like to make my readers wait.

 

evilinupunk: Thank you! Which ones have you read? Also, what you said was fine. If my fiction has hooked you to the point where your head hits the keyboard, then I know I have done well. I just hope you don't push it to the point where you can't see after a while…people get hurt that way…

 

heymary: Wow! Thank you so much! Funny thing is I didn't expect this fic to get this kind of report, but wow! Thank you very much, especially if you hold it that highly (smiles wider than the Colorado River).

 

And now on with the chappy!

 

 

Chapter 4: Love, or Loss?

 

 

Kagome and Inuyasha had gotten together quite a bit since they had met a few weeks ago. They felt the need to see each other every day, whether they wrote music together or not. Kagome had been inspired to the hilt by Inuyasha's music from the heart to the point where she wasn't sure if her brain would function later for regular homework.

 

They got together whenever it was convenient for them, and hung out every now and then with Sango and Miroku. They went to the movies, and spent time under the stars in the gardens, their favorite date spot. Kagome had also been around for Izayoi, least `til she hired the live-in polish nurse. Izayoi's condition was worsening quickly, making it harder for him to concentrate, or even feel inspired.

 

Kagome noticed it mainly in his music. At first, his music was either light hearted, or comforting to the soul and reflected love and happiness. Nowadays, his music was filled with frustration, sadness, fear and grief. Kagome tried as best as she could to stay positive while he played, but no matter what she did, or how hard she tried, the lyrics reflected his heart's emotions. Inuyasha couldn't help but play to release those emotions, and apologized quite a few times to Kagome afterwards. Especially when she'd shed a tear over the lyrics. Whether he was upset, angry or sad, they still got together. They comforted each other through the whiles of his heart-felt music.

 

Inuyasha's mother even noticed the change in the music. She often ended up crying silently in her room as he played for Kagome. She only hoped he would survive after her passing. Especially with Kagome at his side. Since Kagome had been coming over almost every day, Izayoi had felt much better about her son's future and direction. For a long time, before it became bleak, she worried about where he'd go from here. Now she knew. The sky's the limit with that girl by his side. Not even she had known a girl could exist who could read his heart like a book. To Izayoi, Kagome was a gift from the heavens for her son alone.

 

As Kagome and Inuyasha shared their hearts through music and intertwined their souls in ways no one else could, Kagome shed tears and wrote with her hand how she saw his heart. He shed tears as he strummed, and tried to purge the pain his soul held from his body. His mother was all he had up `til Kagome came along, and he knew she'd never leave him, not with the bond they'd formed. He just didn't know how to deal with the future loss of someone who was his life's purpose for so long.

 

As he played, Kagome's pen glided across the page, upon the lines, leaving curves of emotion. As he played something just a bit different to try to get away from his sorrow and pain, he came upon another emotion, one of fear over something else, which stunned Kagome. It was about his fear of what life with just a relationship would be like, especially if betrayal were involved. Kagome, all the while wondered if he was testing her heart to see her reaction, but she was a slave to his emotions and automatically wrote them down, tears falling all the while.

 

Here we are, once again. Back where we began.

We were frowned upon, and we were proven wrong.

What went wrong? Why couldn't we be strong?

 

I really don't know what to show,

For we fell into deep snow.

Above us, around us, time continues to flow.

We try. We cry. We sit alone. I feel so alone.

 

Inuyasha began to jam harder and his body moved with his strums in rhythmic formation. His head bowed, hiding his contorted face. The strings reverberated heavily, like the weight on his heart bearing down on the tones he struck as he jammed harshly.

 

Why does it have to end up this way?

What would you like me to say?

 

Kagome stood and began to step towards him as she let the emotions take over in her voice. She felt his emotions flow through her heart and gravitate her soul.

 

Tell me how you feel.

Tell me what is real.

Tell me you hate me.

Tell me you love me.

Tell me I annoy you.

Tell me, I employ you!

Tell me…About me…

What do you see?

 

Inuyasha's eyes reverted to hers as she sang that last line. His gaze was one of shock and surprise. It was as if she was singing the words he had asked himself quite often. He didn't completely know himself, let alone how Kagome sees him. He wanted to know how she sees him, how she feels about him, if he annoys her, if this was real. If she was real.

 

What is it you want out of life?

Why am I living this life?

Your life? I'm too kind.

My needs aren't met.

Why must you say not to fret?

You don't know me.

You don't understand me. Admit it!

 

His eyes strayed from hers and turned down to his frets and strings as he struck them out of sheer frustration. How his innermost secrets were being read completely! He didn't know what to think, what to say. He wondered if she was a mind reader, or a psychic. He'd get to the bottom of it, but then again…He wants her to know…At least a small part of him does.

 

I am in the middle, like some kind of riddle.

I am lost amongst the fray, like a needle in hay.

You search for me, but only see from a distance.

You can't understand my heart, and you never will.

Stop insisting you do, when my heart, you can never fill.

 

She turned from him when he started the chorus once again. She had the words memorized in her heart. His pain, his questioning. She sang them out as if they were her own questions. He strummed as hard as his heart allowed, figuring he'd need a new pic afterwards. The voice bellowed from the closed room across the hall and into the ears of his mother, causing her to cry loudly. She knew what this was all about. Him questioning Kagome and himself.

 

I have listened enough.

Why must it be this rough?

I know I can survive,

But will you come out alive?

I have no worries.

I can move on, baby.

 

Inuyasha's gaze shot to hers, seeing she had turned his way. They both had calmed down their hearts and they connected as she calmed his strums with her words and his emotions.

 

Why does it have to end up this way?

What would you like me to say?

 

The chorus came up again, and the strumming gained momentum and heft as she sang out his emotions once again, causing the two of them to turn from each other in pain. The riffs remained rough as she turned his way and caught his eye with the next verse.

 

Admit it! You can't do it!

You don't know me, and you never will.

So please, let me go and live in free will.

Let go of the bond I hold you in.

Be free, be you and help those who can't help you.

 

The riffs calmed down some. Mimicking the beginning of the song as she sang the last few words coming from his heart.

 

No matter what you do, I lose.

Now I see what they see.

I'm a fool, to be with you.

 

As he strummed the last chords, Kagome stood before him watching his last movements intensely. Once he had held one position, he let the last chord ring out, and dropped his hands as his eyes rose to meet hers. They both stood in thickened silence. Neither one knowing what to say next. His heart was laid out upon her notebook paper, and on the cassette tape they recorded. Their eyes met; both sets red from tears. Both sniffled and rubbed their noses with their hands. Their cheeks were wet with streams of tears, droplets formed on their shirts.

 

“Kagome…”

 

“Inuyasha…Is that really how you feel about us? Or is this a fear you have?” Kagome asked.

 

“I'm not sure, but it feels as if I wanted to ask you a lot of things,” he said as he slipped the guitar strap over his head and sat his guitar upon its stand beside him.

 

Kagome turned from him and sat upon the bed. She eyed him with a smile and patted the mattress and he sat down beside her. She reached her hand over and rested it upon his right thigh. He turned and looked at her from the side. She looked to be depressed.

 

“I did it again, didn't I?” Inuyasha asked in apology.

 

“No. It's all right. If you don't let all this out, it will eat away at you. Believe me, I should know,” Kagome mentioned.

 

“How do you know?” he asked curiously.

 

“Sango and what she's been through. I've been by her side for a long time, and I've seen what keeping pent up emotions inside can do to a person. She changed dramatically because of it. She's still recovering,” Kagome explained as she turned to face him, “Inuyasha, feel free to ask me anything, and to tell me anything you feel. I love you, and I wanna be here for you.”

 

“I am very worried. I've never known what it's like to live on my own, without something to consider reasoning, other than just my own life. I've taken so much care of my mother, and based my decisions around her health for so long…”

 

“You're afraid to just live for you,” Kagome interrupted and his voice caught in his throat.

 

“Yes. Kagome, I'm not ready to be alone,” he said.

 

“I know. I try everyday to live independently for that reason. Don't worry, Inuyasha. Change is good for you. It'll give you a chance to see what you're truly capable of. And you know I'll be here for you. And not only that, but you have Miroku too,” Kagome pointed out as she leant towards him. He leaned in with her and their lips met. In their kiss, he released another emotion entirely different. Love. Needy love. They ended up embracing tightly, each struggling to feel as if they are a part of the other. The bed moved under them, causing them to fall off to the side and embrace each other as they kissed upon the bed.

 

Kagome lost her mind to his kisses and emotions as his hands touched her arms, and her waist. His hands couldn't stay still as he felt the desire to touch her bare skin. He ran his hands up her sleeves, reveling in the soft touch of her skin. She reached under his shirt and touched his muscular back. She felt the need to dig her nails into the soft taught skin above his hard muscular frame. As his tongue delved deep, she ran her hands up his back to his shoulders. Once they found themselves in a questionable position, Inuyasha lying atop of her, he pulled his lips from hers and they both panted and stared into each other's eyes in need.

 

“Inuyasha…We've known each other for only a month, but…I feel as if we were meant to meet, like our hearts are a perfect match. A part of each other,” Kagome said between pants.

 

“Yes. I feel the same about you. I…I have something I need to tell you,” he began as he swallowed long and hard, “I want you in my life. I have come to need you. More than anything, and in many ways. But, why would I feel this way after only knowing you for about a month? I feel like I'm dreaming.”

 

“You're not, baby. You feel very real to me, all of you. I can't explain it, but I need you too, Inuyasha,” Kagome replied as she reached her hand up and touched his cheek. His eyes closed tightly as he pulled her small frame into his and held her tightly. He rested his nose and cheek into her hair and inhaled the sweet lavender scent. They embraced for a while in the enclosed room and fell for each other silently as they embraced tightly and possessively upon the waterbed.

 

`She's not afraid? She wants to know me completely. Wow…I never thought she and I would last. I figured she'd walk away once she learned of my situation with my mother. But, she wants to help me,' Inuyasha thought in his mind as he held her and tears rubbed off into her beautiful black hair.

 

 

@*@

 

 

Sango and Miroku had planned to meet after Sango had arrived back from home. She thought about him the whole weekend she was gone. She had only known him for a few weeks, and he had been a gentleman the whole time. She had talked to Inuyasha about him, and heard the good and bad points on his behaviors and personality. Inuyasha assured her that he was just a guy who enjoys life, but most of all, loves to love another.

 

Sango came to trust and like Inuyasha within the short period of time since she first saw him in that subway station. She could tell he was good for Kagome. Kagome had gained more of a life since they met. Sango knew Kagome to only concentrate on her studies and her classes. Not even the cutest boys had distracted her enough to forget even her homework assignments.

 

But, once Inuyasha came along, Kagome's creativity shot through the roof. Sure, Kagome had always been creative with everything she did, but to be able to do what she's been doing with Inuyasha was a miracle. Sango had no idea she possessed such a talent. Sango had no idea she was a songwriter at heart. Something extraordinary was happening between those two, and Sango wanted to be supportive of her friend.

 

As far as her own life was concerned, she felt she had been through hell. She wanted to become a forensic scientist because it was always something she was interested in. Finding out why and how people were murdered and how to kill someone effectively through the eyes of a warped mind. Not that she ever wanted to kill anyone; it was just a fascinating subject. Not only was she studying science and forensics, but with her wanting to mainly become a detective with scientific skills behind her, but she also studied psychology within the menagerie of classes in her schedule.

 

Miroku became an interesting individual in her eyes. The way he'd act around others and the things he'd say were interesting. He wasn't the typical male, which she learned from talking with Inuyasha. That evening, he was to take her to a movie. She saw they all had greeted her at the subway in the morning and she saw Inuyasha and Kagome had clicked and hit it off.

 

What made Sango happy was to see Kagome so engrossed in her time with someone other than herself. Kagome had dated other guys, but none of them could hold her interest as long as Inuyasha has. Most guys just wanted to be seen with her, or were nothing she sought. Inuyasha, on the other hand, had proved to be the perfect match for Kagome in many ways. He was kind, sweet, and handsome in his own way, and his talent mixed well with hers.

 

Inuyasha had become all Kagome talked about. Sango had even found herself telling Kagome to write her thoughts down in her journal rather than tell her about everything they did on their dates. Sango was happy for her, but she wasn't nosey by any means. Sango was more of a loner when it came to life, with Kagome being just enough as far as friends were concerned. She wasn't one for crowds, and she was more of a one on one person. That was one of the reasons why Sango was happy about Kagome and Inuyasha hitting it off so well.

 

When it came to Miroku, she began to enjoy his company. His studies lie in religion and philosophy. He was quite knowledgeable. He had many interesting stories to tell, with his family being very religious as well. He came from a long line of monks starting from ancient times. He had invited her to his home out in the country. His uncle, whom raised him, lives in a shrine in the outskirts of town.

 

Just to see the amount of history at the shrine was interesting enough for Sango to want to know stories regarding his ancestors. He had many stories to tell, including one that involved a curse broken by an ancestor who held the same name as his. He even took her into the storage room where all the artifacts were kept from his ancestor, the first Miroku who was a true monk during the warring states era. He showed her the staff he carried, his robes and the gauntlet he wore on his right hand which made it easy to keep the prayer beads over his wrist to seal the curse in his right hand.

 

Sango was overwhelmed by all the tradition and historical information Miroku told her. She had a great time with him that day a week ago and realized how deep a man he is. To not even know things of that nature actually existed amazed her. Until he showed her the proof of his ancestor's belongings, she considered stories about demons and curses to be taboo and falsified. But, Miroku opened her eyes to the impossible, and she wanted to learn more.

 

As she got ready, she enjoyed the fact that she was alone in the dorm so she wouldn't have to worry about Kagome distracting her. Kagome had said she was going to stay by Inuyasha's place for most of the evening since she had not received any projects from her class.

 

As Sango finished putting on her eyeliner and started putting on her mascara, she heard a knock on her door. She finished her mascara and tossed it off to the side as she bolted up to the door and opened it. Miroku stood before her with a single red rose in his hand. Sango blushed and accepted the rose bashfully. Sure, she seemed tough most of the time, but she was shy and modest when it came to guys she liked.

 

She took the rose, grabbed a tall and slender vase as Miroku closed the door behind him and stepped up beside her as she filled it halfway with water. She then grabbed a pair of scissors, cut the bottom of the rose off and set it into the vase. She noticed there was a card attached to the stem amongst the leaves. She untied the string attaching it to the stem and opened the envelope. It contained sweet words of love. Words that made her smile and blush.

 

You are a rare rose.

You bloom only for me.

You shine redder than the rest.

Your petals are so delicate.

 

She turned to him only to see him eyeing her with a strange look in her eyes. “What?” she asked.

 

“You like it? I wrote it just for you. I've never gone so far as to write poetry for a girl,” Miroku said proudly.

 

“It's beautiful. Thank you,” Sango replied as she carried the rose and love note out to set them on her dresser. `I hope Kagome doesn't read that note…talk about embarrassing,' Sango thought as she slipped the card back into the tiny envelope.

 

“Well, you ready?” Miroku asked as Sango turned and nodded as she then grabbed her purse and followed him out the door.

 

On their date, he treated Sango to a dinner and a movie. The movie was to be one of her choice, which surprised Sango. She figured he wouldn't want to see a chick flick or anything along those lines, but it turned out he was a romance buff. They saw a dramatic chick flick with sweet love scenes and the story was all about relationships and their complexities.

 

As far as Miroku's actions during the date, he only sought to hold her hand, or to put his arm around her shoulders. He was sensitive to her thoughts on what a date should be like, and he made sure there was no funny business. His eyes suggested otherwise. Sango began to wonder if he was trying to impress her and then he'd let his true colors fly at some point.

 

“Interesting movie you chose,” Miroku said, out of the blue, as they walked through the garden outside the girl's dormitory.

 

“What did you think? I mean, I think I learned a few things from that movie and I'm curious as to what you got out of it,” Sango asked curiously, putting his thoughts to the test.

 

“I think the writer knew a lot when it comes to relationships. I mean, I'm not sure about marriage, never being married myself, but as far as dating, the writer was dead on,” Miroku said simply without having to think about his response.

 

“Wow. I know this is gonna sound weird, but I've never really dated before now,” Sango threw out.

 

“You've got to be kidding me,” Miroku said in surprise as he stopped beside the bench.

 

“No, I'm serious. I've never dated anyone. I'm mainly a loner, and the only person I've depended on other than my father or my brother for companionship is Kagome. I've always been too shy to accept dates from guys because I was too afraid of their intentions,” Sango said as she sat down on the bench, her gaze trained on the flowers across from her.

 

“I noticed that when we first met. What caused you to open up to me?” Miroku asked as he took a seat beside her on the bench.

 

“I talked to Inuyasha and Kagome and they both had nothing but good things to say about you. I trust Kagome's opinion very highly and I've come to notice that Inuyasha is also a good judge of character,” She replied as she turned her gaze to his, “and I see I was wrong from the very beginning.”

 

Miroku smiled in relief. He had shown he wasn't just some lecherous jerk. He was glad he hadn't done anything wrong in the beginning. He knew then that she was the one he would continue to pursue. Ever since he had first seen her, no other girl could hold his interest.

 

“Sango. I have something important to tell you,” Miroku said as her gaze continued on his eyes, “the thoughts you had about me in the beginning weren't far from the truth. I used to be a bit of a womanizer and was planning on dating every girl in the school at least once. But I have to admit, once you came into my sight, every other girl has become invisible to me.”

 

“Wow. What did I do?” Sango asked as he grabbed hold of her hands and lifted them between them.

 

“Nothing. You didn't have to do anything, Sango. I don't quite understand why, but you have shown me that there possibly could be just one woman for me,” Miroku stated.

 

“Could be just one? What do you mean? Were you thinking you were gonna have more than one wife or something?” Sango asked suspiciously.

 

Miroku let go of her hands and raised his before her, “Oh, no, no. Nothing like that. I just meant that falling in love with just one girl is possible,” Miroku replied with a chuckle.

 

“Oh, okay. I was about to say…” Sango started as he lowered his hands and gazed into her eyes.

 

“So, would you like to join me for another evening out sometime?” Miroku asked.

 

“Yes, I would,” Sango answered with a nod and a smile.

 

Miroku sighed in relief, “then can I request just one thing from you before we part?”

 

“What's that?” Sango asked.

 

“May I kiss you?”

 

Sango blushed and her eyes left his gaze for a moment and went then back to his, “all right.”

 

Miroku then leaned in slowly and closed his eyes as his lips met hers in a tender chaste kiss. Sango felt chills run up her spine and fan out through her arms, leaving goose bumps. Before she knew it, the kiss had gone to open mouth and they both began to breathe a bit heavier as they embraced each other. One thing Sango inwardly cheered about was that Miroku was a good kisser. She knew that moment that she would allow him to kiss her more from now on. When the kiss ended after a few minutes, they both eyed each other and remained in each other's arms.

 

“Miroku.”

 

“Yes, Sango?”

 

“Did you know that was my first kiss?” Sango said with a blush on her cheeks.

 

“It was? I hope it was good for you then,” Miroku said as he sat back and broke the embrace.

 

“Yes, it was. Thank you, Miroku,” Sango said as she leaned in and kissed his cheek as she then left the bench and started towards the door into the dormitory.

 

“You're welcome, Sango. I'll see you tomorrow,” Miroku responded as he got up and started off towards his dorm building across the garden.

 

When Sango arrived in her dorm room, she tossed her purse onto her desk and flopped onto her bed. She still felt a high from the kiss and she felt her heart soar. Her mind began to think impure thoughts about where the kiss could have gone, and what he would have done had they not stopped. She never knew what was so great about kissing, but after that experience, she finally understood a bit of why people were so affected by it.

 

The feel of being in his arms and the touch of his hands on her back was so comforting. She inwardly didn't want to leave his embrace. So warm and tender. She knew what her dreams would consist of the rest of the night as she changed quickly into her nightclothes and crawled under the covers.

 

@*@

 

 

After Kagome and Inuyasha finally got off the bed, they decided to check on his mother and then go out and get some food to eat. Izayoi was sleeping peacefully and she had enough oxygen in her tank. They went to the nearest fast food place and ordered food. As they sat and ate at the restaurant, they chatted about how well Sango and Miroku seemed to have been getting along. Inuyasha and Kagome felt a sense of accomplishment as far as helping Sango accept Miroku.

 

Once they were finished eating, they returned to his apartment to gather Kagome's things and then he walked her back to the dormitory. It was late, but Kagome didn't really have to wake up early for any classes the next morning. They made out for a few minutes on the bench, then said goodnight and parted ways.

 

When Kagome arrived in the dorm, she noticed Sango had already beaten her home and was sound asleep. She turned on the soft light and got herself ready for bed, when she noticed something new on Sango's dresser. As Kagome pulled her tank top over her head, she stepped across the room to eye the beautiful rose. She leaned in for a sniff and smiled at the smell. That was when she noticed the tiny envelope beside the vase. She smiled and picked it up. The envelope was addressed to Sango. She toyed with the notion for a minute as to whether or not she should read it, but decided against it. She set the envelope down and eyed Sango. She noticed something odd. Sango was smiling.

 

Kagome stepped away from the dresser, silently struck a victory pose and sighed contently as she turned off the light and joined Sango in the land of post dating dreams.

 

 

 

@*@

 

 

Phew! Another chapter written. Wow, that was some beginning, wasn't it? Believe me, this fic tends to touch my very soul when I write about Inuyasha playing for Kagome. Can you believe I wrote that whole first part before Miroku and Sango came up in one hour? Yeah…I tell ya, I was exhausted after writing that scene. Talk about intense, and I love it when that happens. It's so funky! Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Also, the poem Miroku wrote is also mine. I wrote it for my husband though, but since it doesn't mention anything as far as being for a man or woman, I figured Miroku could use it for Sango. If you want to see the true extended version of the poem, `You Are a Rare Rose' the link to it is here: http: // www. deviantart. com / deviation / 11539443 / (Without the spaces, of course.)

 

Well, `til next time! Ja ne!