InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Summer of My Demon Lover ❯ Not Enough, I'm Sorry ( Chapter 5 )

I ran back to the forest as fast as I could, but being careful not to drop the food I was carrying. When I finally got to the place that I had left Sesshoumaru, he wasn't there.

"Sesshoumaru!" I called out

I waited a minute for an answer, but none came. He wasn't up in the trees from what I could see, and he wasn't answering me.

"Where did he go?" I asked myself as I looked around the area, but there was no sign of him.

"I know!"

I ran back to my hideaway and walked inside, he wasn't there.

"Of course he is that much of a jerk," I thought to myself as I looked at the empty room.

He wasn't there either, and I found myself feeling a bit dissapointed.

"I should have known," I sighed to myself.

"You should have know what?" a familiar voice asked.

"That you would--Hey, where the hell did you go?" I asked as I turned around, I was mad again, not like I was ever happy.

"You took too long, so I went to get some water," he answered as he walked past me and to the table.

"If I wasn't such a nice person I would just leave...with MY food," Yes....I am possesive, more so when people are being assholes to me.

"Feel free. I am capable of finding my own meals. You do not need to worry about me and my well being," Sesshomaru replied.

I hate him. Simple as that. I want to rip his vocal cords out and use them as a slig shot. He actually thinks that I was worrying about him when I was just trying to be nice to him for a change.

"Fine," I said, not having been able to think of anything better to do or say, and stomped out of the room.

MY room. Possesiveness is a bad thing. He just made me so angry with his teasing and his 'My race is better than your race' attitude. Our races switched roles, and he doesn't seem to get that. Humans have all of the power now, not demons.

"I hope he gets caught, the miserable prick!" I shouted behind me, hoping that he heard what I said.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I took the basket of food an walked up to a hill I use to play at with my friends, before my father convinced them to hate me.

There's nothing you can say

Nothing you can do

Nothing in between

You know the truth

Nothing left to face

Nothing left to lose

Nothing takes your place

I sat down and took my shoes off, wiggling my toes in the soft grass. I sighed as I looked up into the blue sky, it was a perfect summer day.

"Stupid, arrogant demon. Why does he always make me so mad?"

I reached into the basket and took a sandwhich out, then I laid back and watched the clouds.

"Lets see what pictures we can find today."

It was a game my mother made up when I was four, we would lay outside in the backyard and see what picture we could find hiding in the clouds. My dad use to play it with us.

"Enough about him. The man that you knew as your father died with your mother," I muttered.

When they say you're

not that strong

Well you're not that weak

It's not your fault

I silently looked up at the sky, but no pictures really stood out today. Usually I would see a whole mess of things, but today it seems that the clouds were not in a very artistic mood.

"Serves me right, I should just go home and do some chores. Or at least clean my face again." I said as I touched my bruised face that had just begun to burn again.

I took a bite of my sandwhich and decided to give the clouds one last chance, not like it would hurt anything or waste anymore of my 'precious' time.

"Mama," I said wistfully.

I finally saw a picture, and it was of my mother. I could see her laughing, and smiling, and just ebing her warm, cheerful self.

"I miss you so much, I just wish I could see you one last time, face to face,"

When you climb up to that hill

Up to your place

I hope you're well

There's nothing left to prove

Nothing I won't do

Nothing like the pain

I feel for you

"Stop it Kagome, you do this everytime you try to relax. She's dead, you killed her and she's not coming back," I berated myself.

But I want her back. I want her to hold me and tell me that everything will be okay. Tell me that she loves me and that she doesn't blame me for what happened to her. But most of all, tell me that everything will get better if I just give it a little bit of time.

"I want her to be my mother,"

I started to cry again, for being someone who yells and acts tough, I sure do find myself crying a lot. I'm reminded of my mothers death everyday of my life, reminded that I am the reason that she isn't here to make things better for me.

"I just want to feel her, to smell her, to see her, all of the things I miss doing," I cried pathetically.

I found myself screaming now, as the tears rolled down my cheeks, one after another after another, until my face was completely wet.

"I just want her back!" I called out again, my food long forgotten, the reason I was here a big blur.

All I knew was that I needed her, and she would not be coming.

Nothing left to hide

Nothing left to fear

I am always here

I sobbed as I rocked myself, having sat up when the crying first began. If you would ask people if I was guilty about my mothers death, they would say yes, because I know that I caused it. But if you were to ask me, I would say yes, because I hated her for it.

I hated her for leaving me, leaving me to feel this pain. I hated her for not being there for me, for not stopping my father from beating me, hating me.

I hate her for making me hate her.

"I hate her for loving me,"

Her love for me caused her death, and I hate her for that. She caused my hate by loving me. She could have ran and gotten away, but instead she chose to save me and end her own life. I should have been the one to die, she would have gotten over my death, they all would have. She had Souta to love, and so did my dad, so if I were to have died, they would have gotten over it.

"No, I had to live. I had to be the one to run away and hide," I bit out coldly.

I acted like a coward that night, like a child, and my mother paid the price.

What you want

What you lost

What you had

What is gone is over

What you've got

What you love

What you need is real

"Stop it, stop reliving it. Just let it go!"

I clutched my head, it hurt so bad to think of that night, to watch my mother be ripped apart by a monster. Hear her screams, her pleas, her last words of love sent to me and my brother.

"Stop it. Stop it! STOP IT!"

The pain was too much, I felt like I was going to pass out, which at this point I would welcome. My head pounded as images of my mothers face flashed in my mind. Deep cuts all over her body, blood everywhere, she was fighting to get away from the moster, but it was too strong for her.

I sat there, hiding in a bush, watching my mother being ripped apart, and all I could do was cry. I should have went for help, I should have tried to help her, but I didn't.

"That's why everyone hates you, because you didn't even try to help her. You ran out of harms way and watched her die,"

I remember seeing her right before it broke her neck, she had a smile on her face, and she said that she would always love me and my brother, that we were all that ever mattered to her.

I remembered the sound her neck made when the moster twisted it so easily in it's hands, remembering it made me jump off of the ground and run to the bushes.

If it's not enough

It's not enough

It's not enough I'm sorry

If it's not enough

It's not enough

"I'm so sorry mama, I know it's not enough, and that it will never be enough, but I am sorry," I sighed again

After a minute, I got up and left.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sesshoumaru was sitting at the table, having not been able to find any food for himself, of course he would never admit that to anyone...meaning Kagome.

"Annoying girl," he thought to himself.

He sat at the wooden table, silent, and bored out of his mind. Since going into hiding he has had nothing to do but sit around, all by himself. His thoughts of how utterly bored he was were broken by a sound outside of the door. He stood up an quietly walked to the door to check it out.

"What is this?" he asked himself when he opened the door

Sitting on the ground by his feet was a basket, and the aroma emmiting from it was like heaven.

"Amusing girl."