InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Things Never Meant to Be ❯ Chapter 3 ( Chapter 3 )

Things Never Meant to Be

Chapter 3

Rin awoke the next morning feeling more tired than when she had gone to bed. Her sleep was troubled with dreams, some not entirely unpleasant, others downright horrific. One of the horrific dreams was the same dream she'd been having for years-her family murdered right before her eyes. Another less pleasant dream involved being chased by horde of demons who wanted to kill her and devour her soul. She'd run as hard as she could to escape them, but she was in a dark forest with fallen branches and dead leaves scattered on the ground. She'd tripped and fallen, and the demons had gotten her.

In the second part of the dream, the not entirely unpleasant part, she was alive and well, and Lord Sesshomaru was watching over. He'd scooped her up and sat her down in his lap. He'd done this several times when she was younger, when she was still a small child, but in the dream she was the same age as she was now.

It was an odd sensation, sitting in Lord Sesshomaru's lap, full-grown as she was. It was a little frightening, but not without its merits. His hands were large and protective, and his body, firm and warm . . .

She closed her eyes in hopes of revisiting the dream. Maybe what she wanted wasn't adulthood and all the freedom it entailed. Maybe she wished she was still small, and simple, and agreeable to anything. She'd been happier then. She didn't have a care in the world . . . Just the safety and the comfort of Lord Sesshomaru's lap.

She sighed. Ah, how she'd loved that man. That demon that could do no wrong. He was her hero, her savior. So brilliantly beautiful and strong. And she was his precious little girl . . .

She sighed again. Now everything was changing.

There was a knock at her door.

She sat up. "Come in."

It was Jakken, of course. "Are you coming down to breakfast?" he asked.

She yawned and stretched. "Breakfast does sound good," she said. "It wasn't so smart of me to skip dinner last night. I think my stomach is trying to eat itself."

Jakken laughed to himself. "Well, hurry up and come down. I'll set it out on the table for you."

"Thanks," she said. "I'll be down right after I hop in the bath."

He nodded and slid the door to her room closed.

Well, he didn't seem too bruised, she thought. I guess my lord went easy on him last night. Maybe he wasn't as angry as Jakken made out.

She stood and stretched and pulled a towel from her wardrobe. A hot bath was exactly what she needed.

She left her room and headed downstairs. The bathhouse was in the back of the castle, through the great hall, past the dining room and study, behind two, large, sliding screen doors. Their bath was huge. Her whole village could've bathed in there at once. Before the bath was the dressing room.

She opened the door to step inside. "Oh!" She slammed the door shut and slumped against the wall. "I'm so sorry, my lord." She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. "I didn't know you were in there. Jakken didn't tell me. I'm just gonna leave now."

She ran back the way she'd came and collapsed into her chair at the dining table.

Jakken brought in her food.

"How could you, Jakken!"

He looked slightly flustered. "How could I what? You haven't even tasted it, yet."

She folded her arms and stared down at him. "Why didn't you tell me he was in the bath? I've never been so embarrassed in my life."

He set her plate down, unfazed. "I told you humans were too emotional."

"I am not too emotional People don't walk in on people while they're changing for the bath. It's rude," she said.

"And so self-absorbed," he added.

"I am not self-absorbed."

He scoffed. "You're embarrassed?" he said. "How do you think our lord enjoyed your intrusion?"

She lowered her eyes. "I already apologized," she sulked. "But you didn't tell me he was in there. I very plainly said, I would come down to breakfast AFTER I hopped in the bath. If I'd known he was in there . . ."

Jakken cleared his throat. "And I suppose you'll be off gallivanting again today?"

She picked up her chopsticks and poked at her fish. "Are you kidding me? After what happened last night? I may be stupid, but I'm not that stupid. I'm sticking close to home today. Maybe I'll get lost in the maze for awhile." She ate a bite of fish. "Do you think he's still angry with me?" she asked.

"For the bath?" he asked.

Her cheeks burned scarlet. "No! About not coming down last night. Do you think he'll hold a grudge?"

"Against you?" he laughed, then waved her away. "Stop thinking about such silly things, and eat your breakfast."

"Yes," Sesshomaru said. "Please, eat." He sat down at the table with her. He never ate with her. "And, Jakken, please leave us. I'd like to have a word alone with Rin."

She dropped her chopsticks.

Jakken bowed low. "Yes, lord." He then scampered out of the dining room, leaving the two of them alone.

"You're not eating," he said.

"I'm not really hungry," she lied. Plus, I just dropped my chopsticks on the floor.

He stared at her, as if sizing her up. "No dinner last night, and now, no breakfast this morning. You'll waste away to nothing if you're not careful."

She sank down in her seat.

"Sit up straight, Rin."

She bolted upright. "Yes, lord."

"Rin," he began, "you're not a child any more."

She looked up at him at these words. She wasn't sure if she should agree with him, or just keep quiet.

"You're an adult now," he said. "And as an adult female, it's only natural that you'd want to marry and settle down."

Her heart skipped a beat. Where was he going with this? Did this have something to do with the dream she'd had last night? The thoughts she'd had about him this morning?

"I do not find fault with your need for companionship," he continued.

She relaxed a little. So, he wasn't still angry with her for running off yesterday.

"However, you will not find that type of companionship here. Humans should stay with humans, and youkai with youkai."

Where was he going with this?

"It was a case of poor judgment on my part to uproot you from your people and plant you here. You could call it a failed experiment, if you will."

But she didn't have any people. Her family was dead, her village, long-since destroyed. And what was this "experiment" he was talking about."

"You should go be with your own kind, Rin. Make a new life for yourself among them."

What was he talking about? What did he mean?

"You should leave here and never come back."

She bit back tears. What was he talking about? Never come back?

"As I'm sure you're anxious to start your new life, I won't keep you here any longer."

Was he joking? No. He never joked. This wasn't a joke. He was serious. Deathly serious.

He cleared his throat. "You're free to go at your own will," he continued. "You may take anything from the castle you may need to start your new life."

"But--" She quickly bit her own tongue. No one ever argued with Lord Sesshomaru. It was pointless, and possibly deadly. Once he'd made his mind up about something, it was set.

"Did you wish to say something, Rin?"

She bit her lower lip and shook her head. "No," she said weakly. "I'll be gone as . . . I'll be gone as soon as I can pack my things." She pushed herself up from the table. "Excuse me." She ran out of the dining room and up the stairs.

She slammed her door shut and fell to the floor.

What had she done to deserve this? Did he hate her so much now? Was she so vulgar and low that he had to cast her from his sight? Had she really changed so much? Was being human really that vile?

There was a knock at the door.

Was he sending guards to escort her out, now?

"I'm not done packing, yet," she cried.

Jakken slid the door open. "What are you doing on the floor, silly girl?"

She grabbed him about his collar. "You said he wouldn't hold a grudge! You said I was being silly! You said . . . You said . . ." She dropped him to the floor as the tears began to flow. "Ahhhh!" she screamed. "Who cares!" She ripped the red silk sheet from her bed and began tossing clothes and some of her belongings into it. "I don't need this kind of aggravation!" She pulled some things from beneath her bed and tossed them into the sheet. "I don't need you. I don't need this crummy castle. And I, certainly, don't need him."

"What are you doing?" Jakken asked.

She scoffed. "Didn't our `gracious' lord tell you? He's kicking me out, so I can start my own life, now. Humans have to stick with humans and demons with demons."

"That's right," Jakken said. "That's the way things should be."

"But what about me!" she demanded. "I've spent the bulk of my life here. I can barely remember anything before you and my lord came along. I don't have any friends outside these walls. I don't have any family. You and my lord are the only things I know. Does it matter so much that I'm human, and you're not?"

He straightened his spine and stood as tall as his three-foot frame would allow. "Yes, it does."

She threw a brush at him. "Whatta you know anyway? You're just a dumb toad. If he wants to get rid of someone so badly, he should get rid of you."

"Now, wait a minute. I've proven my worth to Lord Sesshomaru time and time again. You've done nothing but eat his food, take up space and get in his way."

"I . . ." She wanted to argue that no, she hadn't. She wanted to argue that she WAS useful. She looked after Ah-Un. She kept fresh-picked flowers in the castle. She sang and she danced, and she played the pipe. She . . . she was always the first one taken hostage. She was nearly killed on several occasions, and nearly gotten her lord killed on one occasion. Nearly gotten Jakken killed on one occasion. Nearly gotten Ah-Un killed on one occasion. She was noisy and chatty and head-strong. She could be willful and disobedient and disrespectful. She was always running and skipping and jumping. Bumping into things, dropping things, breaking things.

She sighed. Maybe she wasn't as useful as she'd thought.

"Now what's wrong with you?" Jakken asked.

She shook her head. "Nothing." She grabbed her pipe from her bed and tossed it in with her other things. "I'm sorry I've been so troublesome, Jakken. I never meant to be such a burden."

He scoffed. "Finally talking some sense, I see."

She rolled up the sheet and slung it over her back, tying it in the front. "I did like living here," she said. "I know I complained sometimes . . . but you can't pay much attention to a little girl like me, you know."

"But you're not a little girl, any more," he said.

"I know," she said sadly. "I've become one of them. And you can't have one of them, hanging around and getting in the way." She made her way to the door.

"Going so soon?" Jakken asked.

"Why stay where you're not wanted?" she shrugged.

"Well," he said. "I just thought . . . Lord Sesshomaru can be impetuous at times. Why, we acquired you on one of his whims, so . . ."

She gave a slight smile.

"I was just thinking you'd stick around for a little while longer. He may not be thinking so clearly, and our lord could change his mind."

She shook her head. "We both know he doesn't do that. He's more hard-headed than I am." She continued on her way.

"But, where will you go?" he asked. "How will you get by? Will you leave the Western lands?"

She shrugged. "It would probably be best if I did leave the Western lands. I might accidentally wander back here, and . . . Who knows what would happen then? As for how I'll get by, I lived on my own before; I'll live on my own again. There're plenty of caves in Japan."

"A cave?" he said.

"That's where I was living before here," she said. "Besides, I'm quite resourceful. I'll get by the way I got by before. I'll get what I can honestly, and if I can't live honestly, I'll just steal a little. It's not really a crime if you're doing it because you're hungry. No one should have to starve to death."

"Rin . . ."

"I'll be fine," she said. "We may be stupid, weak, frail and emotional, but we know how to make do. I'll get by." She at last found herself at the door to her room. There was no turning back now. "Will you . . ." she fought back the impending tears, "will you tell him I'll miss him and that I want him to take care of himself?"

He nodded. "If that's what you'd like."

"I'd like that very much," she said. "And it was nice knowing you, Jakken. I'm sorry for calling you a toad. You were a very good friend, and you're very good to my lord. Please, continue to do so."

"Of course," he said.

"I'll be going, then." She closed the door to her room and slipped silently down the stairs. These were the last few moments she'd ever be here.

She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, drew in a deep breath and took one last look around. The great hall, the dining room, the armory, the library, the servant quarters, the bath house. The upper level. Her room. Her lord's room. The guest rooms. The den. The hedge maze outside. The stables. The fireplace and her cushion.

A silhouette stirred before the fire. She recognized it immediately as her Lord Sesshomaru's.

She hesitated to speak, but she knew if she didn't say anything, she'd regret it the rest of her life.

She walked to within feet of his high-back chair and cleared her throat. "I'm leaving, now," she said.

She didn't really expect him to respond.

"I just . . . I want to apologize for the way I behaved at the breakfast table. I was very rude, and you and Jakken raised me better than that . . . I guess my emotions just got the better of me. I'm just human, after all."

He didn't move, didn't utter a single sound.

"But I am sorry," she said. "About breakfast this morning and dinner last night . . . And the bath house this morning . . . I'm always in the way," she said. "But I'm getting out of your way now, and . . . And I know everything will work out for the best," she said in an upbeat tone. "And . . . and thank you for my life. I'm really very grateful and . . . and . . ." She couldn't say it. She couldn't say those three words that had been on her mind for so long. "I'll just leave it at that," she turned to go. "I told Jakken to take good care of you," she added as she opened the front door. "And I don't care how much you hate me; if he doesn't do his job, I'll come back and beat him within an inch of his life."

She pulled the door shut and left the castle and the demon lord behind her.