InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Things Never Meant to Be ❯ Chapter 6 ( Chapter 6 )

Things That Can Never Be

Chapter 6

Rin cleared the dinner table.

"It's kinda creepy having her around," Souten said. "She doesn't talk, she doesn't smile, she barely eats. And I hear a creepy sound coming from her room at night. It's like living with a ghost."

"She's still adjusting," Shippo said. "Give her time."

"Adjusting to what?" she asked. "It's been nearly a month."

He looked over his shoulder to make sure she wasn't coming back from the kitchen yet. "She used to stay with Sesshomaru," he said.

"Sesshomaru?" she said. "The Lord of the Western Lands with that skinny little girl? I just can't see that."

"She's been with him since she was a little kid, then, according to Kagome, he just upped and kicked her out."

"Men," she sighed. "You're so fickle."

"I'm faithful," he said.

"I didn't say you weren't faithful. I said you were fickle. You're always changing your mind about everything. One week you wanna eat those potato chip-things every night for dinner, and the next week you can't stand them."

"You can only eat so many potato chips," he said. "But people aren't like potato chips."

"Aren't they?" she asked.

"Potato chips are the same day in and day out. People grow, change, mature. Are you the same person you were seven years ago?"

She smiled at him. "You tell me, slayer of the Thunder Brothers."

"That was just a big misunderstanding," he grinned.

"And I'm glad InuYasha finally cleared it up. I should've tried to trap him instead of you."

"Hey!"

She slipped out of her seat and into his lap. "Don't be jealous," she said. "You know you're the only one for me."

"You're damn right," he said.

"InuYasha just has animal magnetism."

"Hey!"

She laughed and rose to her feet. "Why don't we turn in early tonight?" she asked. "It was a rather long day, and I'm deathly tired."

"Fine by me," he said. He stuck his head into the kitchen. "Rin, we're turning in for the night. Is there anything you need before we head upstairs?"

She kept her back to him, shook her head.

"All right, then. Try not to stay up too late. You're starting to look a little tired."

She nodded her assent.

"Good night."

She waved to him.

She didn't know what a good night was. If she wasn't tossing and turning, troubled by strange dreams and odd visions, she just laid awake and stared at the ceiling. This place was too much like home for her. The high ceilings, the multiple levels, the garden in the rear of the castle. She kept expecting to see Sesshomaru around every corner. Hear Jakken calling her to come down to breakfast. See Ah-Un flying around the castle grounds.

She gripped a plate and smashed it against the sink. It was driving her insane!

First it was the people in the village. Then it was InuYasha and Kagome. Now it was Shippo and Souten.

Why did they think because she didn't talk that she couldn't hear!

She smashed another plate.

Why was she so unhappy? Wasn't she far enough away? Hadn't enough time passed? Hadn't his hold on her loosened in the slightest?

"Dammit!"

She couldn't stay here any more. She had to leave again. She had to run, had to get away. Had to find some way to forget.

She picked up the broken glass and tossed it into the sink. "Ouch . . ." She cut the side of her index finger. She stuck the finger in her mouth, then made her way upstairs. She'd gather her things together, then she'd leave.

She'd go somewhere quiet, without distraction, without other people. She'd go somewhere she could finally find peace. A cave in a nice valley or something. She could see herself living as a hermit. A happy hermit living in a cave, sleeping on rocks and playing her pipe.

That was the "strange" sound Souten complained about. She used to play happy songs, quick and lively. Something to clap your hands to, something that made you tap your feet and want to dance. Something to put a smile on your face and a spring in your step. Something that made you glad to be alive.

Now everything came out low and mellow, like a ballad or a dirge.

She passed Shippo and Souten's room. They were at it again. She could hear them even through the walls.

Disgusting, she sighed. What was wrong with everybody?

She slid the door to her room open and pulled her makeshift backpack from beneath the bed. She supposed Souten was right. Living with her was like living with a ghost. Never really there, yet always present. Coming and going in silence. Commanding solemnity when in its presence.

She couldn't remember the last time she smiled.

So many bad memories. So many sad times. So much heartbreak and discouragement.

Where was that happy child she used to be?

The sounds of Shippo and Souten crept through her wall and wormed its way into her heart.

She'd had dreams about those sounds. The sounds they were making. The sounds Kagome and InuYasha had made. The moaning and mumbling and laughter. The growling and gurgling and grumbling. The whining and whimpering and sighing.

In those dreams she had made those sounds. She and her Lord Sesshomaru. Dripping wet from his bath. Standing nude in all his glory . . . That fine, silvery-white mane. Those glowing amber eyes. The sight of him had taken her breath away. The thought of him made her weak in the knees . . . My god, he was beautiful.

How could such beautiful things exist on earth amidst such squalor and strife?

She sank down her bed to catch her breath.

Ohhh, her beautiful Lord Sesshomaru. Her dearest demon lord. Her lord, her liege, her life, her love . . .

She shook the thoughts from her head.

What did she just say? What was she just thinking?

She squeezed her eyes shut and demanded the demented delusions trouble her no more.

She punched her mattress.

What was wrong with her? That's not what she thought of him, how she WANTED to think of him. They weren't like that. They've never been like that. "That's not what I want!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

She ran over to the wall and kicked. "Will you just shut up!" she yelled. "I'm trying to sleep! I'm trying to think! I'm trying . . . I'm trying so hard," she slumped down on the floor. "I'm trying so hard to be a good girl," she cried. "I'm trying so hard to stay sweet and innocent. I'm trying so hard to be your sweet, little Rin!" She pulled her knees up to her chest and wept. "But I can't do it," she rocked back and forth. "I just can't do it . . . I'm so horrible."

There was a knock at her door. "Rin? Rin, are you okay?"

"Go away!"

Shippo slid the door open. He was half-dressed. "Rin, what's wrong with you?"

"I'm miserable!" she screamed. "I'm miserable and loathsome and despised."

Souten appeared behind him. "WHAT is wrong with her?"

Shippo shook his head and shrugged.

"I wanna go home," she said. "I wanna go home so badly I can't think straight."

"Then go," she said.

"Souten . . ."

"What!" she said. "She wants to go home, let her."

He whispered to her.

"Stop whispering!" she shouted. Her whole body trembled. Her heart was racing; her head was pounding. "I wanna go home," she repeated. "I don't care what I have to do; I just wanna go home."

"Then go," Souten said again.

"She doesn't have a home," Shippo whispered.

"I can hear you!" she screamed. "I'm not a ghost; I'm alive. And I can HEAR you."

They stared at each other.

"Do you think . . ." she was near the point of choking on her own tears. "Do you think if I begged him . . . if I pleaded with him . . . if I crawled on my hands and knees . . . and said I was sorry and I was stupid and silly and low and . . . and . . . I wouldn't get in the way any more . . . and I wouldn't be so noisy . . . and I'd stop picking flowers and running all over the place and breaking stuff . . . And, you wouldn't even know I was there . . . and if I-if I did all that . . . Do-do you think he'd let me come back?"

They stared at her, then at each other.

"Do you?" she asked. "If I promised not to be any problem at all?"

Shippo shrugged.

"What if I-I promised to stop breathing and eating and laughing and crying and. . . and I'd do anything. Anything, do you hear me?"

Souten bit her lower lip. "We hear you, dear." She whispered to Shippo, "What did that asshole do to her?"

"Don't you dare!" she said. "Don't you dare talk about my lord that way. He's my LIFE."

Souten turned to leave. "I'm going back to bed. I can't take this."

"Rin, why don't you climb into bed and try to get some sleep?" Shippo asked.

"I can't sleep," she said. "So many bad dreams."

Shippo sighed. "Well . . . why don't you at least get outta the floor?"

"I can't stand up," she said. "I'm too weak, too frail."

"You're just having a bad night," he said. "You haven't been sleeping. You haven't been eating. It's just taking it's toll on you."

She shook her head. "It's worse than that," she said. "So much worse than that."

"Well, there's no use trying to solve all your problems tonight," he said. "Just close your eyes. TRY to get some rest."

"I've only got one problem," she said. "How to get back in my lord's good graces."

"Rin . . ."

She forced herself to her feet. "I've gotta go," she said. "I can't live like this. I've gotta DO something."

"But Rin . . ."

She slung her pack over her back and tied it in the front.

"It's so late," he said. "And it's dark. You should at least wait until morning."

She shook her head. "I can't . . . This place is driving me crazy. I keep seeing things and hearing things that just aren't there. I . . . have to go before I lose what's left of my mind."

"Rin!"

She ran past him, down the stairs and out the door. At least she could breathe now.

Why? She asked herself. Why is everything so complicated? Where did I go so wrong? Was it running off that day? Was it hanging out with InuYasha and Kagome? Or telling my lord how I'd spent my day? Or the way I answered his questions? Or was it because I didn't come down for dinner? Because I wouldn't play for him? Because I walked in on him in the bath?

Because I'm not a little girl any more?

She shook her head. "Why!" she screamed to the tops of the trees. "Are you happy now!" she demanded. "I'm alone!" She spun on her heels and stared at the unblinking stars. "That's what you wanted, isn't it!"

The stars gave no reply. She continued to spin.

"You took my family from me . . . My parents! My brother! Right before my eyes. I watched them slaughtered right before my eyes! But you didn't take me . . ."

The world continued to spin. The stars remained unblinking.

"I loved them! And you took them!" she cried. "And my life!" she added. "You took it, and he gave it back! And then you took him!" She slumped against a tree, and slid to the forest floor. "Why!" she wanted to know. "Why do you make me suffer? Why do you mock my pain! Why . . . Why can't you just let me be happy! Why can't I have friends? Why can't I have family? Why do I have to be alone!"

A man laughed in the shadows.

She scrambled to her feet. "Who-who's there?" she asked.

The laughter continued. "So, you're all alone in the world, are you?" A man stepped into her path. He was balding and scarred across his face and arms. Obviously a bandit or criminal of some sort. Maybe a rogue warrior, a deserter from the army. "That's a shame, isn't it, Jiro?"

Another man stepped onto the path. He wasn't as old, but just as scarred. "Yeah," he laughed. "Especially for one so young and pretty."

Rin swallowed hard. "Who are you?" she asked. "Whatta you want?"

"Us?" the older one asked. "We're you're new family. Ain't that right, Jiro?"

"Yeah, Ichi. Her new family."

She found herself backed against a tree trunk.

"What's your name, darlin'?" He stood directly in front of her. His hands positioned above her shoulders, boxing her in.

"Don't touch me," she said.

"Now, that's not very friendly," Jiro said. He stood off to Ichi's side.

"Please," Rin said. "Don't hurt me."

"Hurt you?" Ichi laughed. "We don't wanna hurt you, do we, Jiro."

"Nah, Ichi. We wanna love her."

He grabbed at the collar of her kimono.

"Don't!"

A gust of wind whipped up. Two red flashes, then the men dropped dead to the ground.

Rin fainted.