InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Things Never Meant to Be ❯ Chapter 7 ( Chapter 7 )

Things That Can Never Be

Chapter 7

Rin dreamed. She was flying, or floating, buoyed on a white, fluffy cloud. No, not like the ones Souten summoned at her command. This one wasn't cold or damp or musty. It was warm and soft and . . .

She drew in a deep breath.

. . . It smelled like home. It smelled like HIM.

God, help her. She was dreaming of him again. Where would this dream take her? Back to his chambers? Into the bath house? In front of the fire in the great hall?

She sighed.

It was pointless to fight it. She couldn't keep running forever. It was better to just admit it. She was in love with him. Kagome was right. She was in love with Lord Sesshomaru. And if that meant her life had to change, that she had to grow and mature, and he had to send her away because of it . . . then, so be it.

This was her destiny. And it was time that she embraced it.

She began to stir, and the sensations of the waking world returned to her. She wasn't dreaming; she was moving. But she wasn't flying, she was being carried, gently jostled up and down. And the cloud wasn't a cloud, it felt like fur. Downy soft, silky fur. And the smell from her dream . . . the smell of him . . . She could still smell it. Her eyes fluttered open.

He looked down at her. "So, you're awake, now," he said.

Her heart stopped. Was this real? Was this really him? Had she died in that forest? Was this her eternal reward?

He directed his eyes forward. "You haven't been eating, Rin. You've lost weight."

She had to hold back the tears. "My lord?"

"Those men," he said. "Did they hurt you?"

So it did happen. That forest. Those men. The gusting wind, the flash of red , the splatter of blood, their bodies dropping to the ground. It was real. And he'd been there. He'd caused it. He'd saved her. Again. Like always.

"Rin?"

She snapped to her senses. "No," she said. "They just scared me. They wanted to . . ."

"I know what they wanted," he said.

He was as cool as ever. Always so calm and reserved, always in control. And there she was being a burden again. She wished she could be more like him. "I can walk," she said. At least she wasn't that feeble.

He looked down at her, then gave a slight smile as he lowered her feet to the ground. He released her immediately, walked a few paces ahead of her then stopped. "Let's go home, Rin." He kept his back to her.

She smiled, then fell into step behind him.

They walked in silence, but Rin's mind was buzzing with questions. Why had he come for her? How did he know where to find her? Had he been following her? For how long? Did he hear her that night? Did he hear her screaming her hurt, and her rage at the cold, uncaring sky? Did he know everything she'd been through? Did he know how she felt about him? Did he know she'd been dreaming about him?

"Rin."

She jumped to attention. "Yes, lord?"

"You're very quiet," he said.

She hung her head, burdened by her weighty questions. "Yes, lord."

"Why are you so quiet?" he asked.

"I . . . don't know, my lord. I suppose something has changed in me," she said. "I think there are some things I should just keep to myself."

He laughed dryly to himself.

She'd missed that laugh. Not derisive, as some people might think. But contemplative, appreciative, reflective.

They continued to walk in shared silence.

He was the first to break the silence. "I'm not an emotional man, Rin. Nor will I ever be one."

She raised her head at this admission. She wasn't sure what to think. Should she respond? Should she keep quiet? Did he expect her to reply?

"Some accuse me of being cold, calculated and cruel. And I don't deny those things," he said. "That image has served me well."

What could she say? She'd made the same accusations.

"However, I do take care of the things I consider to be mine."

Her heart stopped. What was he saying? What did he mean? What did he consider to be HIS? Was she his? Would he take care of her because she was his?

"It seems that Jakken misses you a great deal," he said. "He's not nearly as efficient as he once was."

She tried to hide her smile, but failed miserably. She was missed. Someone did care.

"Things have changed between us, Rin. They cannot go back to the way they were."

Of course, she thought to herself, giving a slight nod. She'd known this for awhile, but only recently began to accept it.

"You are not a child any longer, and I can no longer ignore that."

She stopped in her tracks.

He stopped with her.

What was he saying? He did say they were going home, didn't he? She was going to stay with him again, wasn't she? He wasn't going to dispose of her somewhere along the way, was he? Leave her in some village? Let Jakken come visit her when the mood struck him?

"What are you thinking, Rin?" He glanced over his shoulder at her.

"I wouldn't like to say," she said. "I wouldn't like to anger my great Lord Sesshomaru."

His eyes narrowed. "Anger?"

She looked away from him, down at the ground, back the way they had just come. "I don't wish to further incur your wrath."

He turned to face her. "My wrath?"

She was determined to remain strong. She was determined not to cry. She was determined to be just as calm, just as cool, just as in control as her demon lord. She looked up, but didn't meet his gaze. "My lord was angry with me, and so he sent me away," she said. "Rin does not wish to leave his side again. Rin is weak," she said. "Rin is only human."

He gave her an appraising gaze. "Yes," he said, "Rin is only human." He took a step towards her, then another and another. Soon, he stood right before her. He looked down at her. "Do you fear me, Rin?"

She willed herself not to shake. She commanded her voice to stay calm and even. "I fear my lord's anger," she said. "I do not fear my lord."

He reached out to her, placed his hand beneath her chin, tilted her head upwards so their eyes met. "Do you care for me, Rin?"

She could command her body not to tremble, and her voice not to shake. But she couldn't control the pounding of her heart or the heat rising in her cheeks. She couldn't lie to him. She couldn't keep things from him. She never could . . . That much hadn't changed. He always knew when she was lying . . . But the truth was so . . . frightening.

What would it mean if she said yes? What would he do if she said no?

"You're stalling," he said.

"I've always cared for my lord," she finally said.

"Why are you trembling?" he asked.

"I'm weak," she said quickly. "My lord makes me weak."

He held her gaze a moment longer, then released her.

She breathed a sigh of relief as he continued down the path.

"Come along, Rin."

She drew in a deep breath, then forced her feet to move, following in her lord's footsteps. What was that? What had just passed between them? Why did he ask her such questions? Why did he stare in her eyes? Touch her face? And, again, why did he ask her such questions?

She felt naked and raw and over-exposed.

What was his intention in making her feel this way?

"Don't fall behind," he said.

She picked up her pace.

They made the remainder of the journey in silence. She didn't realize how far she'd traveled from home till they passed village after village, farm after farm, battlefield after battlefield. She wondered if the castle was just some place she'd imagined in some dark corner of her mind. For all their walking, they seemed to be making very little progress.

"How's your finger?" he asked.

She hadn't expected him to speak again. She glanced down at the small cut on her index finger. It was from a few hours ago when she'd smashed some dishes at Souten's castle.

How poorly she'd behaved there. She'd have to apologize.

"It's fine," she finally said.

"Did one of those men do that?" he asked.

"I did it to myself," she said. "Not on purpose," she added. "I cut myself picking up a broken plate."

"You should be more careful," he said.

"I should," she agreed.

"I shouldn't like to think of you in pain."

She didn't hide her smile.

After more walking, the sun finally showed itself. It warmed her skin and lightened her step. She glanced around at the changing scenery and at last recognized the Forest of InuYasha. A few more miles and they'd be back at the castle. She had to fight every impulse she had to run ahead of him and skip the rest of the way back home.

This wasn't a dream. She was really going back home.

The castle gates appeared over the horizon. Rin stopped to admire the view. "So beautiful . . ."

He glanced over his shoulder at her.

She averted her gaze. "I was commenting on happy I am to see the castle gates again."

He again faced forward. "Don't dawdle, Rin." He continued on his way.

"On my way, lord." She felt as if her heart would burst. She wanted to dance. She wanted to sing. She wanted to run through the castle gates and turn cartwheels. Jakken and Ah-Un. The hedge maze. Her old room. Everything was waiting for her just a few yards away . . .

She masked her excitement, but still hurried to catch up with him.

As the castle gates loomed nearer and nearer, Rin picked up on a change in atmosphere. A change in her lord's demeanor. He seemed more rigid than usual, more stiff, more solemn . She might have even gone so far as to call him "tense."

They stood before the gates, and her lord commanded them open wide in their presence. They entered the courtyard without a word to one another, she a few steps behind him.

"You must be hungry," he said as they reached the castle's doors.

"A little, my lord."

The doors swung open in the same fashion as the gates.

"I'll have Jakken prepare something for you," he said. "You should take a bath."

"Yes, lord."

"Lord Sesshomaru!" Jakken scampered up to them in just the same fashion she remembered him. "You've finally returned. And you've brought Rin back with you."

She gave him an acknowledging smile.

"Rin his hungry," her lord said.

Jakken bowed, respectfully. "Aye, lord. I'll prepare her meal right away."

She watched as he scuttled off to the kitchen.

Sesshomaru walked off after him. "I'll have him lay out fresh clothes for you," he said. "You should burn those."

"Yes, lord," she nodded her assent and bowed to show her respect.

She was finally home.