InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ To Know, To Will, To Dare or Keep Silent? ❯ To Will ( Chapter 2 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I do not own Sesshoumaru or Rin, or Inuyasha

A/N: Chapter 2 of 4

To Will

The end of the lunar cycle was in only six days time, and for Rin - waiting for Sesshoumaru to come and collect her for travel - those six days felt like six lifetimes.

She said nothing to anyone, merely packed a few more of her things each night and waited for the time to pass by trying to keep busy. Kaede mentioned that Rin's productivity that week was astounding, and wondered what had gotten into the girl to motivate her so?

By mid-morning on the day of the new moon, Rin was no longer able to keep herself distracted with work and instead spent her entire time in the herb garden staring out at the treeline and willing Sesshoumaru-sama to come for her.

By mid-afternoon, she was beginning to wonder if he was coming at all…? Did he change his mind? Was he in trouble? Had there been a battle or pressing political matter he must attend to?

Rin always worried for him when he was gone from her. She knew he would see it as betrayal; he would see it as a lack of her faith in his power and ability to take care of himself, but she couldn't help it.

When dinner time rolled around, Rin had convinced herself he was not coming, and didn't feel very much like eating. Depressed and disappointed, she made her way out of the hut full of well-meaning people asking her 'what's wrong, Rin?' when she didn't really have the heart to admit the embarrassment that Sesshoumaru-sama had stood her up.

They wouldn't understand anyway, and if she said anything Inuyasha would just likely make some comment like 'Well, what do you expect from that arrogant bastard? He doesn't care about anyone else's feelings. He probably forgot.' As if Sesshoumaru forgetting her would somehow make her feel better. As much as she liked Inuyasha, he was rather good at sticking his foot in his mouth where womens' feelings were concerned.

Kaede would likely explain youkai were wild creatures, who roamed the forests on their own will, free of human obligation, and Kagome would almost certainly try to convince Rin that 'maybe you should spend your evening with -' fill in the name of any random village boy. Rin rolled her eyes.

Kagome was nice, but Rin was getting very, very tired of her trying to make a love connection for her. Ever since she'd decided to take credit for Sango and Miroku getting together, Kagome was convinced she was a matchmaker of sorts.

Rin didn't have any interest in that sort of thing, she'd try to explain, but Kagome wouldn't listen, and Rin would instead feel more and more isolated as Kagome prattled on about village happenings and 'opportunities' for Rin to 'be more social!'

Rin didn't want to be 'social'; she didn't feel she belonged here.

She never had completely adjusted or trusted humans ever again, and the last thing Rin wanted was to go to a gathering and end up surrounded by a group of the village's young men, drunk and leering and reaching hands toward her. The last time that happened one had joked she'd 'stolen the last fish!' from the communal potluck table and she'd had a flashback to when she was beaten for stealing a fish and… It had not ended well. In fact, it had been rather embarrassing the way she'd panicked and run off to the forest to be alone.

The forest was safe here… The youkai didn't come to this place; to do that would be a death sentence with Inuyasha and Miroku around. The village with all those people… The village did not feel safe.

Not that many of the villagers had done much to make the village feel like home to her over the years, anyway. She was 'that demon's girl' and they whispered to each other to keep their distance. Who knew what she might do. Maybe lure them away to be food for her hungry inugami… You did have to feed those dog-spirits to keep them from turning on you and the very fact that Rin herself had not been killed or devoured by 'her dog youkai' was evidence she must be doing or have done nefarious things to have survived, and go on surviving in his company.

When one of them had seen her enter the woods with him in one kimono, and exit the woods alone later in brand new, extremely fine silk kimono… Well, Rin would not even dare to repeat the things they'd conjectured had earned her that kimono.

Rin sighed, at least the very few marriage proposals she'd garnered in the past had come to a complete stop after that little… incident.

Truth be told, there had certainly been nothing unseemly about the exchange of kimono. The routine was followed as always: Sesshoumaru presenting her with the kimono and turning his back while she scampered behind a large a tree and tested the fit (making certain it was not too short in the sleeves or length, and was not too tight around the middle and folded across properly to cover her) before coming out in the new garment and visiting for roughly an hour before he nodded his regards and they parted ways.

Humans… Always jumping to perverted conclusions…

Rin had taken her traveling satchel with her when she'd exited the hut, ignoring the questions regarding the bundle and now as she looked around the early evening forest, then back in the direction of the village, then down at her pack, Rin made up her mind.

If he came or not, she could not take it here anymore. Her training in healing and midwifery was long finished and there was nothing that tied her here. She was leaving.

"I guess I'll just leave by myself." She pouted out loud.

"That would be most unwise, Rin." The smooth baritone of her lord's voice directly behind her so surprised and startled Rin that she let out a shriek and nearly jumped out of her skin in response.

Very quickly, Rin regrouped and turned around, unable to hide the absolute delight she felt in seeing him. "My Lord! You came!" So giddy was Rin, that she actually jumped forward to hug him, much as she always had as a child.

It was not until she felt his warm body against hers, instead of the usual cold and distance-keeping armor that she realized he… wasn't wearing it.

The absence of the armor to keep them physically apart, despite her embrace made this 'hug' very… inappropriate. She should not be doing this. He would most certainly be angry she'd invaded his personal space.

Damnit Rin, you aren't a little girl anymore! You can't just go jumping on grown… a grown male. How unladylike!

He just stood there, solid and un-reacting… Stoic and silent as always and his lack of response was obviously a clear indication of his rejection and annoyance.

Rin jumped back with a horrified look and a deep blush staining her cheeks, and stammered out "I… Rin is so sorry! Rin didn't realize… Sesshoumaru-sama's armor… You're not… Oh gods, I amso sorry, Sesshoumaru-sama!"

But the brief moment of contact… Her breasts pressing into his warm, firm body and her head landing solely at his solarplexus (he was still very much taller than her, and he always would be) and this side of her face pressed against him… Even if it had been stolen intimacy, it was a memory of a feeling she would secretly cherish.

Sesshoumaru felt like a complete and utter fool. He'd absolutely frozen in place when Rin had wrapped her arms around him. For the first time he'd felt those soft curves he'd been so…preoccupied… with as of late, and he hadn't even… He hadn't even been able to get passed his shock and return the embrace.

He'd squandered the single opportunity he might have had to secretly indulge in… Rin.

No doubt the embrace was a throwback to childhood, and she'd felt none of the stirrings that he so very ashamedly had… Her scent was filled with nothing but apprehension and embarrassment, after all. It was actually kind of… cute.

Rin was… cute.

He couldn't deny he'd always found her to be somewhat… charming, even as a young girl. Now that her more feminine charms had developed, it still didn't change the fact that Rin was just simply altogether adorable.

Easy to love… Easy to fall in love with… Easy to give up a sword for, easy to give up a life long quest for power for...

It had been easy… all to frighteningly easy to follow her little corpse to the pits of hell even when he'd thought he was giving up his own life, and it was now even more easy to give up a lifetime of idiotic and bitterness fueled prejudice for her.

Nothing could ever be worth the cost of Rin's life.

Nothing could ever compare in worth to… Rin.

Not sword, nor wealth, nor title, nor bloodline… Nothing was worth more to him than the girl.

He placed a hand on her head, sliding it down to follow the curve of her face and tilt her chin upward, encouraging her to meet his soft gaze. "Rin." He spoke low and slow, letting her name roll off his tongue, "come." all the 'forgiveness' for her 'transgression' expressed without the need for words between them.

Heat flared to Rin's cheeks for another reason now, and she hoped Sesshoumaru-sama would not notice the slight catch to her breath as she answered "Yes, My Lord."

This was bad. As much as Rin wanted to be near Sesshoumaru-sama… There was no way he wouldn't notice something was… wrong with her reactions toward him.

If he ever found out how she felt about him, Rin was certain she'd either die of shame, or he'd kill her for daring to entertain such foolish notions.

She was going to have to be extra careful.

Will her heart not to race, he scent not to change, and breath not catch.

Sesshoumaru was not a stupid man, nor was he a blind man. The sudden rush of blood to Rin's face was not lost on him, and the way her heart had skipped a full beat when he'd spoken her name did not go unnoticed. There was something there. Something she probably didn't fully realize, but… it gave him hope.

Was it even possible that Rin could ever see him as… a potential candidate for mating?

Could he… change her perception of him? Could he force her to see him not merely as her Lord, but as male?

Sesshoumaru was used to getting what he wanted. More often than not, his almighty will could be imposed on even the strongest of creatures… But… Did he have what it took to get what he wanted from the weakest?

Did he even know how to deal with another without imposing upon them, but instead… seducing them to his side without a show of force?

He didn't know… But he did know, he was damned sure going to try.