InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ To see your smile ❯ Unwanted freedom ( Chapter 6 )

(A/N: Here's the next part, hope you like it. It will be really long compared to the other parts posted so far. Oh and by the way, OOC warning especially for Sesshy.)

 

 

Part VI: Unwanted freedom

 

Thank you for the review:

 

Sychotic

 

Freak0star

 

 

Disclaimer: UnfortunatelyI only own the plot, not the characters.

 

 

 

I knocked on the door of Sesshomarou's study, and entered without waiting for an invitation to do so. Yeah I was pretty mad.

 

“Kagura, saves me the trouble, I was about to summon you” Sesshomarou said looking up from some papers he was reading.

 

I ignored his gesture to invite me to sit in front of him. I was too mad.

 

“Why did you remove Rin from my care?” I asked bluntly.

 

Sesshomarou looked at me straight in the eyes, all trace of the warmth I saw in them was gone. He definitely was not the same as the man who had made love to me the night before.

 

He then said “Yesterday, when this Sesshomarou came to your room, it was to talk. Your father's debt has been fully repaid and you are now free. Therefore you can leave the castle as soon as you want. What happened between us was a mistake and will never happen again.”

 

Sesshomarou than took back the paper he was reading before I entered. He was acting as if I was not in the room anymore.

 

It took me a good minute to grasp the meaning of his words and I felt as if someone had reached into my chest and took my heart out before squeezing it. My throat went dry and I was shaking. I was going to leave the castle and never see Rin and Sesshomarou again.

 

How could he say that to me after what happened between us? Did it mean anything at all to him? Maybe I was just another toy, to him, just some servant girl to spend an evening with.

 

The night we shared had meant so much to me, I felt used and I was disgusted Sesshomarou was just like the men who had tried to take advantage of me all these months ago. He just wanted a good fuck that's all! And I thought he was different, better than all the others. How wrong I was!

 

The thought of never seeing my little Rin again brought tears to my eyes, but I would not allow myself to cry in front of him. No! I would not give him the pleasure to see my tears. But I would let him feel my rage. I shook in anger when I spoke:

 

“You are just going to send me away like this? You just used me, you are no better then the men you rescued me from! And how stupid could I be, I thought you were different. To think that I'd waste my feelings on an insensitive jerk like you.

Poor Rin really poor Rin, with no mother and a bastard like you for a father, it's a miracle she is so charming. Really people call you `Lord' and bow in front of you but you know what you are? Just a lowly piece of scum, that's all you are.

I don't know why I even wasted my time with you. Stupid me, I gave you my heart, my soul and my body. But it's over I finally saw you for who and what you really are, people were right you are a heartless bastard and I hate you!”

 

Once I was done I ran out, for I could not hold my tears any longer. For the entire length of my little speech I did not even look up to see Sesshomarou's reaction. And now I wished I did, was he hurt, sad, did he even care?

 

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000

 

I went straight to my room and started packing, but my hands were shaking and I could barely see in front of me because I was crying so much, so I had to stop trying to fold my clothes. I sat on my futon and buried my face in my hands and cried to my heart's contempt.

 

The irony of the whole situation did not escape me. I was finally free, and had managed to repay my father's debts. Shouldn't I be happy? No, of course not if my freedom meant I had to go back to my insensitive father and leave behind my heart in Sesshomarou's castle.

 

Some how the lord and his daughter took my heart, or maybe I was the one to give it to them. Did it really matter? The end result was the same: I was left heartbroken.

 

I lay on my soon to be ex futon, the same one Sesshomarou and I shared just a few hours ago, which I found ironic too. This only caused me to cry even harder, but those were tears of anger, how dare this man play with my heart like this?!

 

I heard somebody walk in and I quickly wiped my tears. I felt the person coming closer and closer, and when I finally raised my head I was shocked to see: Sesshomarou!

 

At this point a part of me wanted to jump in his arms and kiss him, another part wanted to slap him with all my strength, a third part wanted nothing more than to ignore him and cry until I used up all the water in my body. But I simply settled for standing up and looking straight in his eyes.

 

And to my horror they had turned completely red and the iris had a faint blue color. Sesshomarou was breathing hard, as if he was fighting himself for control over his inner demon. I just hoped it was a fight he would win, otherwise he would surely run me through with one of the two swords that hung at his hip in a fraction of a second.

 

Unfortunately I did not have any weapon to defend myself, and I seriously doubted that my winds would be able to hold Sesshomarou's demon form back. I needed to act and fast!

 

“No one ever dared speak to this Sesshomarou in such a way!” he finally told me after taking a deep breath. Thank God his eyes were slowly regaining their beautiful amber color.

 

“And so what, everyone needs to hear the truth some times” I said holding my head high, with in an act of bravery.

 

Sesshomarou advanced towards me once more, instinctively I stepped back and realized but too late that my back was now pressed against the wall and that I had no way of escaping.

And still Sesshomarou was walking, not that my room was that big, but he was walking slowly. Maybe he was taunting me or he was still battling inside him on whether to run me through with his sword or apologize to me.

 

I gulped once Sesshomarou reached me. He stopped right in front of me and put his hands on each side of my face. He then slowly lowered his right hand and caressed my left cheek, as his gold eyes peered in my crimson orbs. At this point I think I stopped breathing, his fingers were incredibly soft on my skin even if his eyes sill held their usual hardness.

 

“Sesshomarou” I breathed out.

 

After what felt like an eternity, he finally spoke “Kagura there are things I wish to say, but do not interrupt me. It is already hard enough for me to speak of such things, so do not make it harder”. I simply nodded my head.

I wondered what he was going to do. Apologize? Help me pack faster? Kill me? Knowing him all alternatives were equally plausible

 

“What you said earlier was true”. Forgetting my earlier promise I opened my mouth ready to argue, yeah the guy was a jerk but I was so mad that I said some pretty harsh things. But before I had time to let out any sound Sesshomarou pressed two fingers on my lips and silenced me.

 

“Wind witch, this Sesshomarou told you to stay silent.” Without warning Sesshomarou then took me in his arms and squeezed me hard. He buried his nose in my hair and said:

“This wild flowers scent has been driving me crazy for months now. I wanted to send you away because I knew I would not be able to restrain myself any longer. You were right yesterday I took advantage of you, but seeing you so close and smelling you, and seeing you barely covered: I could not wait anymore. No woman has ever been able to arouse such feelings in me before.

The reason I made you Rin's care taker, was solely so that I would have an excuse to see you to my heart's contempt. But it only made things harder, being so close yet so far from you.”

 

I could not believe my ears, so I was right all these times I felt Sesshomarou's gaze on me, he was looking at ME. I tried to break free from his embrace so that I could see his face, the expression in those beautiful golden eyes. But he would not let me go, he crushed me against his chest as if he was afraid I'd leave.

 

“Sesshomarou, what do you want from me?” I finally asked, giving up the idea of breaking free.

 

“Don't leave” I heard him whisper. If it was not for my demon hearing I might not have heard it.

 

What the hell is wrong with that guy?! He just dismissed me less than an hour ago and now he is asking me to stay. He was seriously getting on my nerves!

 

With a gust of wind I managed to push him away. He fell on his back on my futon and he was looking at me with a mix of anger irritation and maybe even surprise. Looks like I managed to unsettle the almighty taiyoukai.

 

“Do you think I'm some kind of toy? When you want me you pick me up than you throw me away when you get tired. Make up your mind, you can't tell me to leave and then turn around and ask me to stay, it doesn't work like that!”

 

Sesshomarou looked angry, really angry and for a moment I thought he might just cut me down with his sword but he did no such thing. On the contrary he spoke on a very calm and cold voice that sent shivers down my spine:

 

“Kagura, this Sesshomarou said all I needed to say. If you want to leave, then go and never come back” he then stood up and left the room, not looking back as if a few minutes ago he did not open his heart to me.

 

I was completely lost, did he love me back and wanted me to stay? Or did he just want a concubine to keep by his side for when he was in need for a release? Or maybe he did not even want me here? I was so confused, I hated the feeling of not knowing what to do, or what to expect.

 

I sat on my futon and looked to my half way full bag, should I keep packing and leave? Or should I unpack and go resume my life as it had been for the past few months? So many questions running in my head and still no answers!

 

The only thing I was sure of was that I loved Sesshomarou with all my heart. And then it hit me, I realized what I just did, Sesshomarou opened his heart to me and I blew him off. He confessed that he had his eyes on me for a long time, and also he wanted me to leave because he did not want to take advantage of me. In other words, I am a complete idiot. I could have slapped myself for my foolishness.

 

Once again I let my temper get the better of me, but this time the consequences were so much greater than a slap from my father. No I may have lost Sesshomarou forever.

 

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I did not hear Rin come in. The little girl sat next to me and said “you can't leave Rin”.

 

“I'm sorry but it might be my only choice”.

 

“But I am sure there must be a way. Maybe if I talk to father he will let you stay”. I could always use the coward's way out and have Rin beg Sesshomarou to let me stay. No, that was not my type, more like the kind of things Naraku would do.

 

I looked at Rin and smiled “No need, I will talk to him.” I laced my words with a confidence I myself was far from having. But it was worth it to see my little Rin smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(A/N: Will Kagura convince Sesshy that he needs her to stay? Find out next time in the last part: Smiles)