InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Torn Apart ❯ Chapter 14

 

Chapter 14

 

Kagome wandered around her old room and marveled at how little it had changed. Sure, there was now a western styled bed instead of the futon that was placed there before, and the color scheme had changed from soft greens and yellows to a decidedly blue and silver palette, but it was still the same room. It had the same vanity made of cherry wood, the same matching cabinet and even the scorch marks on the stone wall remained untouched although the ceiling and chipped stone had all been replaced long ago.

 

Kagome smiled wryly as she touched one such black stain. She had scared Rin and Sesshoumaru half to death with her irresponsible display of magic. It wasn't that she wanted to make them afraid for or even of her, but rather she had just longed to return home to talk to her mother. She needed some time away from the demon lord to figure out just what she felt or did not feel for him.

 

She knew she loved Rin dearly, but she couldn't promise herself to man or youkai for a child's sake alone. Not when it meant giving up everything to stay with them, anyways. To know that she'd never be able to see her family again had chilled her to the bone. So, when Sesshoumaru had grown concerned for her health fearing an unknown illness, she had seized on the opportunity to do a little playacting. If she couldn't get him to agree to let her go, then she would force him to.

 

One of the few true enjoyments the memory brought to her was knowing she had zapped Jaken a good one when he tried to listen in on her and Sango's conversation. Showing the kappa youkai a thing or two about proper respect was such a happy memory or two or three or four...

 

Turning back to the bed and her still untouched luggage, she wondered where Jaken had gone to these last five hundred years. She had half expected to find him waiting at the door as surly as ever to herself and as fawning over his master as ever, but he had been curiously missing.

 

Shrugging off the strange bent her thoughts had taken her, she tackled her baggage and began to pull out kimono after kimono from the bag. Out of nostalgia, she had packed her favorite kimonos, gifts of Sesshoumaru, for her brief stay on his estate. It just seemed somehow fitting to wear the traditional garb in the age old castle. Sure, she still brought a collection of shorts and tank tops mimicking the ones she currently sported, but the kimonos just felt right. Putting them back in the wardrobe gave Kagome a sense of peace as she moved back into the room she had occupied for four months five hundred years in the past.

 

Walking over to the vanity table, she emptied out the last of her things until its smooth veneer surface. Combs, brushes, make-up and jewelry tumbled out of the bag. Quickly sorting through the jumbled mess, she had the table ordered and neat in but a few minutes. Lightly touching a pearl comb lined with garnets, she remembered that first real conversation she had had with the effervescent Rin. Reaching up on hand, she shook out her raven tresses from the ponytail it had been confined in, and placed the pearl comb in her hair. Slowly withdrawing her hands, she watched as the comb once again did its magic and lightly pulled an tugged her hair into place forming an outdated coiffure leaving a few strands to frame her face.

 

Blinking, Kagome grabbed a tube of lipstick from the vanity table and quickly smeared its red color over her lips. Running to the wardrobe, she pulled out a white cotton inner haori and hakamas with lipstick matching blood red kimono with embroidered pink fans and gold obi. Stripping out of her tank-top and shorts, she pulled on the outfit and smiled at her reflection in the mirror.

 

She was ready now to reacquaint herself with the castle. After all, she had worn this self-same outfit that first day when Rin jumped into her life. Turning to the door, she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. Walking forward, she opened up the door and walked down the hallway to the gardens, Rin's favorite place in the world to be.

 

—Garden—

 

Kagome and Sango walked side by side through the garden. It was late in the afternoon considering they had not reached the estate until three and had taken time to unpack and acquaint themselves with the amenities of their rooms. It had come as a surprise when Inuyasha had called Sunday morning asking if they would like to head over to Sesshoumaru's castle for the gathering. He claimed it would allow them to get themselves situated. With little else to do during the week besides more training and shrine duties, the two girls had quickly agreed. After all, it wasn't everyday one got to play with a demon lord's possessions.

 

Kagome was personally grateful for the early invite since she knew that it would take a while to get used to thinking of the castle without Rin there to brighten it up. Looking over her shoulder at the stone fortress, she knew it would take a while to get used to how much the estate itself had changed. It wasn't so much that the layout was different, but more that the rooms had a different feeling to them. Gone were special quirks that were common to every household in Sengoku Jidai. Yes, the castle still retained its earlier charm with relics of the past littered throughout its landscape, but evidence of the present was there as well tainting the age-old comfort of a bygone era. Telephones were in all the rooms. Lights lit up the dark recesses of the castle greater then any candle or oil lamp had done in the past. Modern bathrooms replaced the privies. She hoped the hot springs were intact in the basement of the castle, but she had not the courage to check if that to had changed. It had been so long since she could luxuriate in the peace and quiet of a soothing hot spring. Shaking her head, she looked back at Sango.

 

Sango smiled a silent smile noticing where her adopted sister's gaze had wandered back to. She could still remember the first time she saw the castle and Sesshoumaru's obvious displeasure when she had laughed at the thought of Kagome destroying his `den.' Sango shut her eyes and shuddered remember what he did after that. He had dropped her from twenty miles up in the sky. The rush of air flowing past her as she tumbled headfirst from the sky was not something she wished to experience again even though she now knew that some in this age did it for sport. It was not for her. She had been most grateful when he had saved her moments before she plummeted into the ground. However, he had continued to act the arrogant lord although when he had admitted to being worried for Kagome, she almost went into shock. Then he told her that he loved Kagome although he had not revealed his feelings to the miko.

 

Looking at Kagome's thoughtful gaze as her eyes lingered in memory on the trees and flowers surrounding her, she wondered if he had ever admitted his true feelings. From everything she had been able to glean from Kagome over the past two years, she didn't think he had. Perhaps if he did, they would have been able to live out their lives in the past rather then dealing with the troubles of the present. Sighing, she shook her head and wondered when the ache of confusion would go away.

 

“What's wrong Sango,” asked Kagome as she put a hand on Sango's shoulder and pulled them both to a halt. They were standing underneath a sakura tree although its blossoms had long since faded away. Next to them was a quiet pond filled with darting fish that sparkled in the early evening sun.

 

Sango looked at Kagome and wondered what her friend would do if she admitted to what Sesshoumaru had told her in a moment of weakness, worried for his mate-to-be who was in no danger at all. Blinking, she gathered in a shaking breath and smiled sadly at her. “I don't want you to get hurt by all this, Kagome. We both know how pigheaded the two inu-bakas can be about admitting their feelings.”

 

Kagome laughed nervously. “Isn't it proof enough what they feel considering they waited all this time to find us again?”

 

Sango turned away from Kagome and walked to the edge of the pond. “Don't you mean they waited to find you again?”

 

Kagome frowned in confusion. “I don't think it was just me they were looking forward to seeing again. I know Shippou and Inuyasha are happy to see you. You've barely spent one day this past week without seeing Inuyasha at the dojo!”

 

Sango sighed heavily. “Inuyasha just wanted a new fighting partner. After all, you can't find a better ningen warrior then a taijiya. Shippou I don't think cares one way or another. He spends all his time with you when he's around.”

 

Kagome fought back the tears in her eyes. “I'm sorry Sango,” she whispered as she crept up behind her and encompassed her in a comforting hug. “I know things seem that way right now, but I know they've missed you. Shippou hasn't really spent all that much time with me lately anyways. He's barely called or stopped over since he told me what happened to his family. You don't know how much grief he's in Sango. He keeps it all bottled up inside of himself.” Kagome squeezed her eyes shut knowing she could not prevent the tears from creeping down her cheeks.

 

Sango desperately attempted to control her uneven breathing. `How dare she!' she thought as Kagome squeezed her middle in an attempt to comfort. `How dare she talk to me about grief? She doesn't know what its like to never see her loved ones again. She has Sesshoumaru who genuinely loves her still. She even has Inuyasha wrapped around her way now that Kikyou is long since dead.' It had hurt her tremendously when she had heard Kagome squeal in fright only to see Inuyasha jump into the Goshinboku two nights earlier from the safety of her window. She only caught the faint glint of his silver hair shining in the moonlight, but it was enough to let her know they had moved past their differences. Feeling an irrational anger welling in her breast, she wrenched herself out of Kagome's arms.

 

Turning to face the miko, she glared at Kagome's dumbstruck expression. “What do you know of grief?” she sneered. “You've never once asked me how I was coping with Miroku's betrayal, how much I regret not knowing where Kohaku's grave is to pay my respects. I don't even know if its still there! You don't know how I felt about having the past come back into our life. All you cared about was not hurting anyone's feelings! You didn't want to make a decision on who you loved better even though you made that choice long ago! You didn't care that every time I saw one of them falling over themselves to include you back in their lives that I as hurting inside.”

 

Tears were streaming down both Sango's and Kagome's faces to fall to the ground in a glistening arc. Wiping her eyes impatiently with a calloused hand, she cut off Kagome as she opened her mouth to speak in protest. “No!” she yelled. “Don't give me excuses. I know you love both, but I know too that you had already moved beyond your childish crush before the Shikon no Tama acquired a mind of its own. You choose him long before you came back to the well. You just can't face it knowing that you hurt him when you left. And you're doing it again. You're denying what you feel thinking that it's too soon. You don't know them and you don't think they can possibly know you.”

 

Turning on her heel, she closed her eyes and took in a sobbing breath. “Grow up Kagome. Life hurts you, beats you down, tears you up, but you have to go on living. That's what it means to be an adult. You have to move past the failures, the heartache, the disappointment and chose to go on with life. But you haven't done that. You'd rather just stay in limbo, caught up between the past and present and leave everyone else hanging there with you.” Shaking her head, she threw herself forward, running back into the castle and to her room as a trail of tears flew behind her.

 

Kagome stared in outrage at Sango's retreating back. “Wait!” she called running after Sango. “I might have problems moving on with my life, but don't you think you do too!”

 

Kagome stumbled to a halt as Sango's braid flickered out of sight behind a tree. Shaking with fury, she pounded her fist into the building next to her causing the winding wisteria to shudder with the impact. `The nerve of the girl!' she thought as she leaned her forehead against the resilient branches. `She dares to tell me to move on with my life?' She's the one who can't see past her own memories. She's the one who insists on swinging that stupid boomerang of hers around when there's no reason to keep herself battle trained. She's the one who should have realized long ago there was no bringing Miroku back from the past or returning herself to the Sengoku Jidai. She should have figured it out by now that there was nothing she could do to save Kohaku either!'

 

“I can't believe she had the nerve to yell at me!” Kagome gritted through her teeth as she gripped the winding wisteria in her white knuckled hands.

 

“I don't know about that,” said Sesshoumaru into her ear.

 

Jumping, Kagome whipped her head around to come nose to nose with the taiyoukai. Blushing, she watched him take a few steps back to give her some space. Taking in an uneasy breath, she looked him over and marveled again at how well he looked in classic grey pin-stripped business suit and demure dark red tie. Bringing her gaze up to meet his gaze, she blushed remembering what else Sango had to say about the taiyoukai.

 

With a half smirk lighting up his eyes, he looked over Kagome in the outfit he remembered giving her so long ago. “You were the one who decided she should come with you when you returned to your present time.”

 

Kagome stomped her foot. “I didn't know she would actually fade with me! The jewel itself was the one prompting me to grab her hand before it was too late anyways.”

 

Sesshoumaru cocked one eyebrow in disbelief. “You made the decision to change her life forever, not the Shikon no Tama. You,” he emphasized taking a step forward as Kagome moved one back to press against the wisteria blossoms, “were the one who grabbed her hand, and you were the one who desired to seal the well cutting her off from any kind of return.”

 

Kagome shut her eyes as guilt and shame washed over her. She hadn't felt this way since the first year had passed, and she saw Sango settling down into life and looking happy. She thought Sango was happy, but she was wrong, so wrong. Sniffing against the water dripping down her cheeks, she felt rough fingers brush over her own soft skin. Opening her eyes, she meet Sesshoumaru's golden gaze. His face was inches from her own, and his hands cupped her cheeks as they slowly wiped away each new tear as it fell from her wide-eyed gaze. Blinking a few times, she held her breath at his nearness.

 

“She was right too you know,” Sesshoumaru whispered as he looked into her glistening eyes.

 

“What do you mean?” asked Kagome barely daring to move her lips.

 

He leaned in closer to her, taking in the heavenly scent of sweet sakura blossoms and spice, a combination of spring and autumn. How one woman could carry with her the scent of new life and breathtaking decay was beyond him, but the mixture was intoxicating to his senses. “You have chosen your mate though you do not know it yet. You have always chosen him.”

 

Kagome frowned. “I wish you two would stop speaking in riddles,” she whispered indignantly as her eyes flashed with her ire.

 

Sesshoumaru allowed a true smile of wistfulness to grace his usually blank expression. Leaning his forehead against her own, he said softer still, “Inuyasha loves you. You should let him know how you feel before it's too late.”

 

Kagome blinked as he pushed himself away. Turning his back to her, he began to stride with a smooth gait back into his home, his perfect white hair flying out behind him with the speed of his departure. Bringing her hands up to her lips, she wondered if she had truly felt his own brush against hers before walking away. Warmth spread from her chest, warming her chilled limbs. Trailing her hand from her lips down her chin, she grasped the Shikon no Tama and brought the jewel up to gaze upon it. Its soft light pulsed in time with her heart as warmth penetrated her numb flesh. Wrenching her gaze away from the comforting light of the awakening jewel, she watched as Sesshoumaru's silver hair flickered out of sight. He was gone, forever.

 

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