InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Torn ❯ Would You Die For Him? ( Chapter 17 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

The crisp, early evening air brushed away from Sesshoumaru’s face the silky, silver strands of his ankle length, flowing mane as he tipped his nose into the breeze and closed his smoky, amber eyes.  Winter would soon be upon them.  The scent of ice was already in the air.

The intensity of the color in the birthmarks tattooing his face had diminished and calm had finally taken control, much to his relief.  Now he could think and determine his best course of action.  Leaving the gates at a casual stroll, Sesshoumaru gave himself time to consider Inuyasha’s frame of mind, how he should approach his brother, and what needed to be said in order to regain Inuyasha’s trust.  

How much trust had originally been there was yet to be realized.  Perhaps he had taken the depth of Inuyasha’s trust for granted since the young man had nursed him to health…twice; and that while enduring threats upon his life.  Inuyasha had no reason to trust him on any level, and the fact that he had not simply left and gone on with his previous existence was somewhat of a mystery.  There was the fact that Inuyasha had never really hated him.  In fact, Inuyasha had not been able to hide the fact that he wanted to be with Sesshoumaru; at the very least, as brothers.

That thought led to another question.  How could they have been brought closer, more intimate than brothers?  The poison could be partially blamed for seeping past his defenses and forcing him to admit that it was his own jealousy and grief that had been the leading factor in his rejection of Inuyasha.  The only thing that could have been held against his brother was the stunting of youkai power through his human heritage.  

However, even in that, Inuyasha had proven himself worthy of life.  There was no reason to begrudge Inuyasha what he had so rightly earned.  He had survived, alone, in a hostile, unforgiving world of prejudice against half-breeds.  Inuyasha’s existence was a miracle in and of itself.  

That barrier to his acceptance of Inuyasha had been melted away by Naraku’s insidious poison, albeit, without his permission.  That had angered him.  He had blamed his newfound fondness of Inuyasha and his seemingly new attraction as a loss of necessary control.  That was where he made his first mistake.  He thought to regain his control by killing Inuyasha.  Once again, in his ineptitude at dealing with emotions, he had targeted Inuyasha.

Still, where did the attraction come from and how was it that they had become closer?  Oh yes, those damnable memories that had been drawn to the fore while he had been barely conscious; that fluff of white beneath him tilting until all he could see where brilliant golden eyes framed in a thick curtain of lashes, gleaming with a bit of mischief, and pouting lips tempting him to engage in mock warfare.  Yes, he had recalled considering the potential of their relationship had things not gone so awry when they were young.  He had even considered the finer points of Inuyasha’s features, though it hadn’t occurred to him that he had been thinking about such a thing.  Yes, Inuyasha had always been physically attractive, but that wasn’t what had brought them so close.

He thought back over the past several months.  What had happened?  Where had everything changed?  Was there one particular instance of such significance that had caused him to think of Inuyasha as his?  Hm.  He had always considered Inuyasha his to kill.  No one was allowed to touch the half-breed.  

Sesshoumaru’s thoughts hesitated for a moment.  

That last thought did not fit into how he perceived his previous relationship with Inuyasha.  No one was allowed to kill his brother.  It had nothing to do with touching as far as he had been concerned.  

Sesshoumaru sighed.  How long had he harbored this possessiveness?

That dream!  When did he have that dream in which Kouga had stolen the child from his home?  The entire time that Inuyasha had spent in his home caring for him, there seemed to have been something in the atmosphere that he had not even known had been missing.  That missing piece had come home.  Not even Rin had filled the halls with her presence as Inuyasha had.  Yes, she brought warmth, but not the fulfillment that was needed.

Inuyasha had not only cared for him during the time of his first injuries from Naraku, he had attempted to salvage what pride Sesshoumaru had, promising to fight him when he was ready, not allowing insignificant others to see him in his weakened state, protecting him until he was able to do so himself.  And then there were the one-sided conversations.  If only Inuyasha had known just how much of those spoken thoughts were actually heard.  Through it all, somewhere in his mind, Sesshoumaru had not only accepted Inuyasha’s presence, but desired it, perhaps even craved it.  Here was someone that he could trust, someone that belonged in his home, someone that he had come to know through those quiet moments alone.  No other had ever earned that place.

Time had been the main culprit, winding the invisible bonds around them.  All those times that he had allowed Inuyasha to live, he had wondered why.  And now memories of their ancient past had been revisited.  Now, he had had the benefit of having Inuyasha in his home.  There was no question that his home had welcomed Inuyasha as though it had found something that had been long lost.  

Somehow, this new addition to his home had instinctually known what it was that he needed.  But he had had to learn about Inuyasha; listen to those thoughts spoken aloud, consider the meaning of Inuyasha’s unexplained behavior while under his care.  But Inuyasha had known him, always had.  Although Inuyasha had never really considered the depth of his jealousy, Inuyasha understood him more than anyone else ever could.  Even knowing how cold and calculating he could be and the vast differences in their methods, Inuyasha loved him enough to care and protect him.  His brother was devoted to him, always had been and Sesshoumaru had been too blind to see it; too angry to allow Inuyasha the opportunity to display his feelings.  Oh, he knew that Inuyasha did not verbalize the uncomfortable emotions.  Acting on them was Inuyasha’s way of telling those he loved how he felt.  And Sesshoumaru hadn’t listened very well.

Then there was the physical closeness.  Inuyasha barely left his side during his second recovery, most nights and even some afternoons, staying wrapped around him, skin to skin.  The second healing had progressed much more quickly and was exceptionally pleasant.  When Inuyasha’s warmth blanketed him, he allowed himself to actually feel, for the first time, safe; something so rare that its existence could be rightly questioned.  Sesshoumaru’s safety lay in his strength and control.  He had been stripped of that and Inuyasha had shorn up the rift in his armor.  Inuyasha had consciously chosen to be there, to keep him safe, and perhaps, to give him comfort.

Inuyasha was his place of safety, his security, his warmth, everything that Sesshoumaru could not afford to allow anyone else to be for him.  And Inuyasha had simply given it to him, asking nothing in return.

This was a new dimension in his life and he wasn’t willing to let it go.  He would protect it as zealously as he would Rin, if not more so.  No, Inuyasha was his; always was and always would be.  He would not give up this new life for anything.

However, there was one obstacle; speaking of which…Sesshoumaru flared his nostrils.  A growl rose in his chest, heat seared over his skin, and the clarity of his senses increased tenfold as that scent scalded the depths of his very being.  In an attempt to prevent any loss of control, Sesshoumaru clenched his teeth and hand while bringing his forward motion to a complete halt.  Energy swirled around him, lifting his hair, and he could feel the bones of his jaw attempting to lengthen.

He would like nothing more than to kill the wolf.  In fact, the images of the damage he could inflict were very satisfying.  However, he must not forget.  The wolf saved Inuyasha from a death for which he would have been responsible.  He must not forget that Inuyasha cared for the wolf.  He must not, he must not, he must not kill the wolf!  Growling deep within his chest, Sesshoumaru continued his attempt to suppress the urge to lash out at a perceived threat

Maybe a little maiming here and there wouldn’t be so bad?  A few gashes here, a couple of bruises there?  The wind gradually died down and Sesshoumaru could once again feel the weight of his abundant mane lying over his shoulders and back, his muscles relaxing, and all of his bones sliding into their familiar places.  He took a deep cleansing breath.  

Maiming it was.


‘Oh shit,’ Kouga’s mind supplied as he rolled away from the taiyoukai.

Although Sesshoumaru’s eyes were as bland as ever, Kouga could feel the scalding heat lurking behind those amber orbs.  He may not have been a genius, but a blind man could see that there was violence possessing Sesshoumaru’s mind.  This was definitely not going to be fun.  Someone was going to get hurt and it sure as hell wasn’t going to be him!  

At the very least, he was equally matched.  That day that he had saved Sesshoumaru’s ward, he had been a bit faster than Sesshoumaru, although that could have been due to distance.  But damn, the way that the youkai had dispatched the demon behind him revealed some powers that he certainly couldn’t rival.  This was going to be one hell of a fight.

“You…are an interfering nuisance which shall be dealt with accordingly.  Now,” Sesshoumaru dispassionately informed Kouga while staring down his perfectly proportioned nose.

“Kinda got that backward, don’t ya,” Kouga spat.

In a blur of silver and white, and without warning, Sesshoumaru streaked forward, leaving only seconds for Kouga to respond.  There was murder in Sesshoumaru’s eyes, but something was holding him back.  Had Sesshoumaru seriously intended to kill him, he had no doubt that the taiyoukai would have raked claws through his armor.  Sesshoumaru wasn’t even using any of his youkai weapons.

‘What is up with him?  Is he toying with me?’ Kouga wondered as he successfully dodged extremely sharp, elongated claws.

Sesshoumaru smirked to himself, his features showing no outward sign of any emotion.  He would have a grand time wearing down his prey and then beating the wolf to a bloody pulp.  Of course, he would need to restrain himself…for Inuyasha’s sake.

“Well, come and get it,” Kouga taunted.

‘Is he anxious for his punishment to be meted out?’ Sesshoumaru queried his own mind, half amused at the wolf’s antics.

He would never understand the wolf, nor did he desire to inflict such torment on himself.  This time, he leapt rather than ran, his right foot connecting with Kouga’s jaw.  It wasn’t powerful enough to break Kouga’s neck.  However, he knew the amount of pain that he’d just inflicted.

A local inhabitant of the area, a tree to be exact, felt the brunt of Kouga’s attempt at flight, shaking furiously as the armored male slammed against its trunk.  Moments later, Kouga sucked in much needed air and raised his eyes to stare at the youkai standing across the field.  The sun was lying low in the sky, gifting the lord with an angelic appearance.  If only the heavens knew.  But that image didn’t impress Kouga.  No, this youkai was a threat to Inuyasha; someone who, in a life and death struggle, had battled next to him against their worst enemy.  No greater friendships could be bound than facing imminent death on a battlefield.  He loved Inuyasha, perhaps not in the same way that Inuyasha loved Sesshoumaru.  But, he loved Inuyasha just the same.  Inuyasha’s love for Sesshoumaru was a craving for acceptance, a need for a taste of safety, for affection from one that had rejected him.  However, this youkai had killed Inuyasha.  This one had hurt Inuyasha almost beyond repair.  And this one would pay for the damage he had done.

Kouga snarled as he rushed forward, images of the despair pouring off of Inuyasha’s body, painting his mind and filling his body with the desire to protect.  With a speed faster than he had ever experienced, Kouga reached the taiyoukai, only to be met with empty air.  Again his breath left him as a quick kick to his back sent him sailing once more.

“You know…” Kouga coughed as he climbed to his feet and wiped the blood from his mouth with the back of his right hand, “you’re a pathetic excuse for a brother.  You attempt to kill him all of his life, then you pretend to love him, only to land the killing blow.  You hurt him more than death ever could.”  

“Traitor!” Kouga yelled as he continued to attempt his strikes on the youkai who was clearly superior to him in almost every way.

That didn’t mean that Kouga didn’t have a chance.  After all, he had bested Inuyasha when avenging his comrades.  And, Inuyasha had bested Sesshoumaru on more than one occasion.  The only problem was that he did not have the weapons necessary to defeat Sesshoumaru.  All he had was his strength, speed, agility, experience, but most of all, his desire to avenge and protect Inuyasha.  No matter.  If he couldn’t defeat Sesshoumaru in battle, he would defeat him with his words.  Even Sesshoumaru could not deny the truth.

The sting of Kouga’s words would not have had an effect on Sesshoumaru were it not the truth.  This he could acknowledge, although silently.  He was not about to banter when his sole purpose was to teach the wolf a lesson.  The past was the past, and Inuyasha now belonged to him.  There would be no argument once this fight was concluded.  

He would not give up his brother; not after years of separation, not after discovering his deep-seated feelings.  So many times he had left Inuyasha battered and bloodied, but found himself unable to deliver the killing blow.  Now he knew why.  

In the back of his mind, he had hoped that Inuyasha would prove himself worthy of his attention and affection.  As a child, the boy was no match, could not defend himself, nor prove himself equal.  The attraction had been pushed to the deepest recesses of his mind.  Inuyasha’s tenacity with his survival skills and his infinite patience in waiting for Sesshoumaru’s affection had proven the boy’s mental strength and physical power.

None other than Sesshoumaru equaled Inuyasha.  Inuyasha was the hardest of jewels; rough cut, but powerful enough.  He had earned his place.  No one else was near good enough to stand by Sesshoumaru’s side.  And no one would steal Inuyasha away.  Inuyasha was his.  For eternity.  It was of no consequence that he had been unaware that he had been in waiting, and that it had taken a near death experience to bring his desire for Inuyasha to the fore.  Nothing in the world mattered more than keeping Inuyasha by his side.

“Inuyasha…is mine,” Sesshoumaru snarled; poison beginning to drip from his fingers, wind of his own making swirling around his body and once again lifting his hair.  Control was slipping through his fingers and he didn’t even know it.

Kouga gasped in realization that Sesshoumaru was on the verge of transforming into to his avenging form.

‘This is so not good!  Damn, I have got to do something.’

The only thing available to Kouga was his instincts.  Normally, they would tell him to run, but Inuyasha was too close.  He would be in danger.  Not thinking twice, Kouga rushed Sesshoumaru.  In the midst of his change, Sesshoumaru was not aware of the threat and held his position, eyes red and jaws beginning to stretch.  One foot swept into Sesshoumaru’s gut just below the steel of his armor and above his pelvic bone.  If nothing else, Kouga was accurate and he was strong enough to make his blow powerful enough to dent any other less protective shielding.

Though Sesshoumaru went to his knees and his rising youki stalled, Kouga was rewarded with the sting of Sesshoumaru’s light whip slicing through his outer thigh.  The gash effectively separated his skin, but no muscle tissue received any damage.  Sesshoumaru gave him no time to recover, rushing forward and slashing through Kouga’s armor.  Kouga had brought the youkai to his senses, but now the battle was truly beginning.

It was unbelievably difficult not to go for Kouga’s throat, but Sesshoumaru restrained himself, instead envisioning a body soaked in blood with the evidence of his own claws.  He wanted to feel that flesh, slicing under his fingers.  There was nothing in his mind now except for the mantra “Do not kill”.  Even the reason for it had left him.  The wolf was fast and agile with unpredictable moves.  Occasionally, he found himself swiping through air.  Quite an achievement.  However, it would not save the wolf from being put in his proper place.

“I asked you before, what do you want!?” drifted into his ears as though spoken from very far away.  “You just want a toy that you can throw away!”

Nothing was farther from the truth.  The creature was taunting him with lies.  
Sesshoumaru growled low in his chest, sped up behind Kouga and carved his razor sharp claws through the back of Kouga’s armor, cleaving it in half.  

Kouga managed to avoid the next strike with an unanticipated roll to the left then a jump to the right after coming to a squatting position.  Sesshoumaru whirled around just as the wolf shoved off the trunk of a tree and somersaulted over him.  His prey was becoming annoying.  It was time to show the wolf who was in charge.

“He’s nothing to you,” Kouga panted as he crouched on the ground.

This time Kouga wasn’t fast enough and gained four slashes down his left arm; a perfect mirror to the four he had already gained on his right.  He was dripping blood all over his body, and that, only in a matter of minutes.  Despite knowing that he didn’t stand a chance, for Kouga, this was no different than him standing between a blind Inuyasha and a horde of demons.  He couldn’t give up, regardless of the cost.  While human, Inuyasha had risked it all when he came to Kouga’s aid.  It was no secret that Inuyasha made excuses, causing his protection to appear to be have been motivated by selfish goals.  Inuyasha had risked giving up his most dangerous secret, his human night, just to defend Kouga.  Honor required no less than his own life.  Despite common perception, Kouga did have honor; much more than he was given credit for.  And he would bleed for Inuyasha.

“You don’t have what it takes to keep him alive, much less love him!” Kouga called as he launched himself into the air.

Faking a move toward a roundhouse kick, Kouga, with the speed and agility that made him well known, abruptly switched direction and landed a hit on the stub of Sesshoumaru’s left arm.  Pride rose up in him as he heard Sesshoumaru hiss.  It may have been only the second blow he had landed, and Sesshoumaru may have been holding back, but at least he had the pleasure of knowing that he had inflicted pain on the one who had so hurt his comrade.  Most likely, he would not be able to inflict more damage, but he had done what he could.  He was giving everything he had.  And that was all that was required.

Only the ever present knowledge that Inuyasha would reject Sesshoumaru if he did any permanent damage to Kouga kept Sesshoumaru from slicing the wolf’s throat.  His fingers itched and his body ached to see the death of the one who would take Inuyasha from him.  Inuyasha’s soulful eyes haunted him.  Those eyes that had gazed down at him, despair radiating through those golden depths as Sesshoumaru lay recovering from Naraku’s poison; eyes that knew there was no chance at being accepted by the taiyoukai.  However, Inuyasha was wrong.  Kouga was wrong.  The fact that Kouga was living to threaten the security of having his brother by his side, and would continue to live and be a threat, irritated him even more so.  The stench of death on Kouga’s body would be the only thing that would satisfy him.  But, damn it!  He was bound to keep the wolf alive.

Sesshoumaru howled as he rushed forward, intent on giving the blow that would bring the wolf to his knees, the blow that would force the animal to never question his dominance again.  He would be prepared regardless of which direction Kouga might choose to dart.

Kouga’s eyes widened.  This was the moment of truth.  Pure rage colored Sesshoumaru’s features, the crease of his brow deep, fangs and gums bared, eyes tight with repressed murder.  Kouga shoved off to the right and placing a hand on the ground, sprung into the air.  Mid flip, claws sank into his belly and followed him to the ground, obviously in an attempt to avoid ripping his guts from his body.

Glaring amber eyes pierced a hole through his own cerulean blue as Sesshoumaru crouched over him without removing his claws.

“Submit,” Sesshoumaru demanded.

“Never!”

Sesshoumaru squeezed.  “Admit defeat.”

“Fuck you!  Aaah!” Kouga screamed as Sesshoumaru twisted the hand buried inside of his body.

“You will cease your advances toward my mate!” Sesshoumaru hissed.

“Why…” Kouga rasped, “…should I?  Give me…one good reason.”

“He is mine,” Sesshoumaru growled.

“Would you give up everything you have and die for him?”

Would he?  Memories flung themselves through Sesshoumaru’s mind……



“He made you weak.  You almost died for him.”

Tensaiga pulsed against his hip…

“You protected him and almost paid with your life.  Would you die for him?”

“You protect Rin.  She is a weakness.  Would you die for her?”

‘I protect no one.’

“Liar!  You would die to protect them both!  Fortunately, the hanyou is no longer a threat to your power and longevity.  But, what about Rin?”

‘Silence!’



Tentacles ripped through his body as he tossed Inuyasha out of danger.  Sou’unga’s blast buffeted him after he shoved Inuyasha aside.  



“What would you do for him?” Kouga continued.

Again memories assailed him……


Leaving the coveted Tetsusaiga behind in order to save Inuyasha from dying under the influence of his raving youkai blood.  In Inuyasha’s absence, his hand piercing the body of the poison master, playing protector for those on whom Inuyasha depended.  His thirst for vengeance when Takemaru proudly taunted Inuyasha with the confession that it was Takemaru that had sent Inuyasha’s mother to hell.  Were it not for the struggle between Inuyasha and Takemaru, the perfectly aimed sword that he had flung would have pierced the bastard’s skull.  

There were so many things that he had done for Inuyasha; so many things that the wolf had not witnessed.  But, he was not going to defend himself with the abundance of evidence.  It was not the wolf’s place to question him.

“And I ask you the same question, wolf.  Would you be willing to die for him?”

“Didn’t I just prove that,” Kouga rasped under the pressure of Sesshoumaru’s claws.

Pausing for only a moment, Sesshoumaru carefully removed his claws from Kouga’s entrails.

“You know not that of which you speak…Kouga,” Sesshoumaru informed the wolf as he turned to walk away.

Kouga lay on his back, trying to breathe past the pain that wracked his body.  Nevertheless, that was not what was foremost in his mind.  If Sesshoumaru was going to win Inuyasha, then he had to try to get through to the taiyoukai.

“Would you die for him?” Kouga whispered as he fought to stay conscious.

“I have already proven as much,” Sesshoumaru flatly intoned as he continued to stroll away from the battlefield.

“Do you love him?”



“I will only do this once and only for you.  You will never speak of it.  Agreed?” demanded the most powerful youkai in the land.

“Agreed.”

Sesshoumaru leaned down until his lips were brushing Inuyasha’s right ear.  His whisper was barely audible.

“I love you too, Inuyasha.”



Even as he paused in his stride, without hesitation, Sesshoumaru gave Kouga the answer that he was seeking.

“Yes.”