InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Treading Water ❯ 16- Dear Diary ( Chapter 16 )

Until Kikyou decided she had had enough.

 

Sometime just before Thanksgiving(*) Kikyou decided to join our study sessions. It didn't make much of a ripple, except when someone mentioned Yash. He never again returned to our study dates after that first time and no one new had been invited to his place on Sundays so she had never met him, had no idea who or what he was. It created an odd sort of dichotomy within the group. With Yuka, Eri, Ayumi, and Kikyou on one side. Sango, Miroku, Koharu, Akitoki, and myself on the other. And for the most part we tried hard not to bring him up. I was glad that for once we were all getting along. Kikyou felt comfortable in the academic atmosphere, I guess, because she was always more talkative and friendly during our Saturday sessions than any other time. It made life even better.

 

~o~o0o~o~

 

When the time came for the Winter Ball, our school's winter solstice formal, I tried so hard to avoid thinking about it entirely. Last year I had gone with some female friends, none of us had dates, so we went in a group. This year most of my friends were going with dates. I wanted Kouga to come with me, seeing as how none of my friends had even seen him yet, but it didn't look like he was going. Every time I said something about it he clammed up and made grunting noises at me.

 

I couldn't help but feel bad. He was so loving, so caring, when it was just us. But as soon as he had a friend over I became the target of the jokes and insults. I understand guys like competing with each other, but I'm not a guy, I don't want to be treated like one. He writes poetry for me and has no problem telling me he loves me, but at the same time he's kind of anti-social. He loves his friends but doesn't want to meet new people, doesn't want to meet my friends.

 

A few weeks ago Sango, Koharu and I went to downtown to shop. We started in Chinatown, made our way over to Little Tokyo before ending the trip on Olvera Street.(**)

 

There's one tiny shop on Olvera street, probably used to be the basement of the building towering above it. You walk down a flight of steps until you're a floor below street level and through an old wooden door painted a light baby blue that was weathered enough to leave the paint peeling and the color almost gone. Walking into the store was like walking into another world. Dreamcatcher like things hung from the ceiling, except that these were made of metal and stained glass and were sometimes done in shapes like butterflies and angels. With the sunlight streaming in through the door the hanging glass art threw kaleidoscope colors all over the shop, lending it a surreal fantasy feel. Candles of every shape and size and scent covered every flat surface of the small but comfortable shop. One wall had a beehive of cubbyholes, holding untold numbers of sticks of incense in every scent mankind had ever dreamt up. And the most precious thing in the shop was the girl behind the register. She had transferred after sophomore year, and we had never been close thanks to Yuka and Eri's low opinion of her. But since I had discovered the shop she and I had rekindled whatever had existed before. I introduced Sango and Koharu to Hayrin and was relieved to find they also(at least vaguely) remembered her. She even closed up shop long enough to go to lunch with us. All in all it was a wonderful day.

 

Over the course of the day Sango found a sleek wine colored sleeveless dress with a stand up collar that was sophisticated and elegant and made me feel like the pudgy kid at the party with the cupcake frosting smeared on his cheeks. Koharu, feeling particularly playful, chose a bright flamenco dress with Hayrin's help in finding exactly what she sought. It was white with large orange polka dots. The dress I fell in love with was a beautiful royal blue, short-sleeved Chinese dress that was slit up high on both sides. Iridescent white flowers and muted lavender colored flowers were splashed all over it.(***) I had to get it. Even if the back of my mind kept pointing out that I hadn't even decided to go to the dance yet.

 

A week before the dance I was wearing my new dress, twirling in front of my mirror as I tried to decide on how to do my hair and what jewelry to wear. If you're going at all. I sighed. I just had no idea what to do. I wanted to go with Kouga. But if he didn't want to go, where did that leave me? Should I go alone? Or would it be better to avoid the whole thing.

 

I knew if I went alone I'd hear the whispers. I heard them enough as it was. Not even Sango or Miroku had met Kouga yet. Hell, I doubted if they knew his name. People around school were beginning to wonder if this mysterious boyfriend of mine was nothing more than a figment of my overactive imagination. I had learned early on just not to talk about him, I was always met with suspicion. A few people thought I had made him up to stop guys from flirting with me, that in turn started more than one rumor that maybe I was just lesbian and desperate to keep it a secret.

 

Feeling a tear or two gather behind my eyes I quickly pulled off the dress before I ruined it. After hanging it back in my closet I grabbed a big floppy sweater and a comfortable faded pair of jeans. Some days I just wanted to disappear. *Poof* Gone.

 

If only I was so lucky.

 

School trudged on, I trudged on. My grades were good at least. But that was expected. I had been winning writing contests and principal's roll honors since second grade. I can remember being eight years old and having eleven and twelve year olds asking me how to spell. That's just who I am.

 

It was my social life I just never seemed to be quite on top of.

 

In grade school I was a tomboy, I never had a boyfriend, I WAS a boy for all intents and purposes. In grade school you don't need a wienie to be a boy. There are two groups. Those playing sports and those playing with make-up. I always got picked for teams, didn't matter what sport we were playing.

 

I bloomed a little late(compared to my friends), horrifyingly enough I got my first period during a Halloween party in junior high. I was 13. I should have seen it coming, I was 13, it was Halloween, I owned a black cat, I was a vampire that year…

 

Shortly after that my boobs ballooned. Ok, well it wasn't that bad. But I remember sitting on the bus to school one morning, I was sitting next to the window like the good little bookworm I was, a friend of mine sitting next to me in the aisle seat. She was talking to our group of friends with her back to me as I had my nose buried in a book about dragons.

 

Suddenly I remember my mother's gentle voice telling me to sit straight, no slouching. So I sat up properly.

 

Only to hear a friend of mine giggle. It wasn't mean, it was one of those `that's cute and funny' giggles.

 

They asked me how I could see the book over my breasts. That was the first blush I can remember being caused by someone not in my family. And it wasn't the last.

 

Sango once likened me to a guardian angel. Everyone remembers me and has warm, happy memories of times I was there for them when no else was. But after I help them I just seem to drift out of people's lives. I'm there for people when they fall, but when they can hold themselves up I've vanished like mist under morning sun.

 

And it's not entirely true.

 

I haven't vanished. I'm still there for people if they need me. But playing therapist for everyone who considers me a friend isn't healthy and I know it. I help and help and help and bottle up my own problems because it's easier to help others than face your own demons and so my own emotions boil under until they could consume me with their intensity.

 

I have this motherly drive that makes me need to take care of those around me. I inspire trust, people who bother getting to know me have a habit of embracing me completely. Of course no one is perfect and so the people I ended up surrounded by all have at least one thing they would like me to help them with, and once they see how logical I can be about solving their problems they decide to hand them all over to me.

 

I would be the perfect wife for a politician I think. The epitome of the woman behind the man. And because I solve other people's problems while successfully ignoring my own my spouse could take over the world with my aid.

 

People like having a rock. Someone to whom they can cling no matter what life throws at them. And one of the first things I learned after starting kindergarten is that this person, this rock, cannot show weakness. It's like the first time children realize their parents aren't godly. It can shake the foundations of that other person's perceptions.

 

`Well if you aren't as strong as I thought then maybe the world really is flat.'

 

I love individuals, I really do. I hate people. People are stupid, panicky, illogical critters.

 

I can't tell you how many friends I lost because after helping them umpteen times I turned to them looking for help and was greeted by repulsed faces. Faces that screamed `How could you?' Faces that looked betrayed, hurt, devastated.

 

So I stopped. I'm not quite sure but I figured out how to not need help. Ok, sure, sometimes I wish for it. But I don't ask or seek it. I've gotten used to coping without. As my father used to love to say, “You're old enough and ugly enough to do it yourself.”

 

Oh yeah. Did I mention he's not dead? But everyone has secrets right? Sango's mother died when she was an infant and her father remarried, but she never bothers to clear up the misconception that the current Mrs. Taijiya is her mother. Mother, Souta and I just tell everyone he is dead. He's dead to us. A more despicable man I have never met. But I've tried so hard not to rant to you, dear diary, about that godawful man. And I don't want to start today.

 

Wow, I hadn't meant to go on like this. I sound like such a sad little mope. But I'm not. I won't be. I refuse to be. May the skies fall and seas burn, may my heart be torn from my body and burned upon the altar of deceit and heartbreak, but I shall not relinquish hope. That quirky hope I hold for everyone and everything. I am Kagome Higurashi, and no matter what happens, I will be fine.

 

-Kags

 

~o~o0o~o~

 

 

InuYasha pulled his hair back into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, pinned his nametag on his cardinal colored red shirt, filled his pockets with treats, slipped the battery pack into his back pocket of his khakis and then ran the wire up the back of his shirt so he could clip the microphone to the front right lapel of his standard work issue polo shirt, which he left unbuttoned. Another fan-fucking-tastic day in wonderland, he thought sarcastically as he heard the loud speakers begin blasting the taped introduction that indicated the start of his first performance of the day.

 

He jogged onto stage and waved at the amphitheatre full of people whose eyes were all on him, a large false smile plastered across his face.

 

“Hey there everybody. My name is Yash, and welcome to…” His mouth went on autopilot as he recited the intro to the show with false gaiety. His eyes skimmed row upon row of families as he spoke. Husband, wife, multiple kids. Over and over that's what he saw. Every now and again he saw a lone parent in the crowd. But as usual there were no adults without children. No one that wasn't attached to a family. Not that he ever expected there to be.

 

“Now I'm going to need a few volunteers. Does anyone want to help me out today?” Immediately he saw dozens of pudgy, sticky fingers waving madly in the bright morning sunlight.

 

He picked three children at random. Two girls and a boy. He never picked three girls. One of the bits they needed a volunteer usually scared little girls. He ushered the boy and one of the girls backstage where his coworker was waiting to go over their instructions on what they would be doing.

 

He turned to the little girl left on stage with him.

 

“And what's your name?” He stooped down to make a show of listening for her answer and stood up once he had it.

 

“That's a pretty name, Dora. You ready to help me?” At the little girl's frantic nod Yash continued.

 

“Well here's what I need you to do. I want you to stand straight and tall, put one of your arms out to the side, either one, it doesn't matter. Now put your palm up, facing the sun.” When she had complied he stepped over and slipped his hand into the back pocket that wasn't holding his battery pack and pulled out some seeds and granola type bits. He put them on the girl's hand and then spoke to her and the audience.

 

“Keep that hand real still, ok Dora? On the count of three you're gonna call out `Come to me, Kimmy.' Ok? Everyone is gonna help me count, right?” The cheer from the crowd made him smirk.

 

Yash and the crowd counted to three together and then the little girl shrilled at the top of her lungs.

 

“COME HERE KIMMY!”

 

Right on cue the door to a bird cage behind the audience opened and a beautiful parrot went winging straight for her treat on the little girl's hand.

 

Yash spun as the audience was fixated upon the bird and grabbed a leather glove from on top of a fake tree stump that doubled as a little table.

 

“Wow, Dora!” He exclaimed, inwardly wincing at how stupid he felt he sounded. “Not bad. Now, tell Kimmy to go home.”

 

The little girl took a deep breath and screamed at the bird on her hand to go home. Possibly aided by self preservation instincts, the bird scrambled back into the air and away from the screeching child, vanishing back into the cage she came from until she could be collected and taken back to her habitat. InuYasha turned to the girl and asked with fake curiosity, “Want to see me try that?” The girl nodded.

 

“What do you guys think? Think I should try that?” The audience roared loud enough that InuYasha had to fight the urge to cringe and pin his ears back to his head.

 

“Oh, Kimmy! Come on girl!” Yash called. Dora gasped loudly as the large bird of prey materialized from thin air swooped down on her and Yash at a speed faster than the tiny parrot, Kimmy, was capable of.

 

 

 

|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|*|

 

 

Hai - Yes

Nani - What?

Onegai - Please

Konoama - Bitch

Temee - Bastard

Hajimemashite - Nice to meet you.

Ookami - Wolf

Oi - Hey

Nani shiyagaru - What the fuck?

Kiba—Fang

Tsume—Claw

Shinkuu—Vacuum

 

A/N's start now:

 

(*)-Using the States' tradition of having Thanksgiving on the 3rd Thursday in November. For those keeping track of the timeline.

 

(**) http://www.olvera-street.com/ It's a real place and very pretty. Kinda makes you feel like you're walking down a street in Mexico somewhere. And technically I don't own Hayrin, she's a real friend of mind from high school(gave me permission a long time ago to use her as a character in anything I wrote) and her family owns and runs the candle shop I described. She's very sweet but when I lived in Canada we lost touch, so this is my way of telling the world about a very sweet chica.

 

(***) the dresses: http://www.flamencoexport.com/viewImag.php?datoImg=imgx%2Fp roductos%2Ftrajesdflamenca%2Fcani.jpg Koharu's dress.

 

http://z.about.com/d/fashion/1/0/M/V/44standupcollar.jpg Sango's dress.

 

http://us.st11.yimg.com/store1.yimg.com/I/asianideas_1888_1 0005941 Kag's dress.

 

*Dances happily in a little circle * 50+ reviews! I feel so loved =) *does happy dance* Yes, I used the word `wienie' lol. Yes, that little biographical background is ALL accurate, that was actually a passage torn from the diary I kept when I was 15 =P except, ya know, it was my real name and not hers in there lol

 

Did anyone see Inu's occupation coming? And I love how Wendy's the only one to wonder aloud who's in the bathroom lol You did make me smile, so thanks. When this crap in my life is all over I'll prolly include a note explaining it for anyone who cares. I made this chap a bit longer(AND HOLY FUCK IT'S EARLY!) than normal to make up for how shitty I've been lately about keeping to my schedule, but on the bright side, I'm done with OSQ Ch.7 as well, so this week I won't be letting anyone down by being late!

 

*waves to Alatero, moonwicca, star555555528, and inuyashaschic* Glad to see you are enjoying the story.

 

Leila-chan - I imagine he will someday…lol. But he wouldn't really be Yash if he intuitively got it first shot now would he? And yes, you'll see Inu vs. Kouga interaction =)

 

Bulma - I LOVE your goofy reviews, I really do.

 

Inuyashaloverr - Is it bad you make as much sense on m&m's as off of them? =) *hug*

 

Whether you guys realize it or not sometimes the most inane comment gives me a spark of inspiration that I can twist into one of those drop-your-jaw-and-try-not-to-pee-yourself OR oddly touching type moments that turn me into a whirlwind of activity. =)

 

*UPDATE* Ok people, `umpteen' is a word, no more emails telling me to stop making up words. =) Thankies =P

 

 

 

 

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