InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Under Anothers Watchful Eye ❯ Remeber Me For What I say ( Chapter 14 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha and company. Soul rights belong to Rumiko Takashi

Note: -*-*-*- Means we are seeing a dream. It will not be in italic.

Note: 'This is how it will be written if it is thought to ones self.'

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"Are you okay Kagome?" He asked, as he noticed her eyes fell shut.


"Yeah, Im fine. Just a little tired."


"Oh, okay then." He stood up to leave.


"No... wait... please dont."


He looked down at her.


"Please, would you stay with me for the night?"


He nodded in reply, as he sat back down. Kagome leaned on his shoulder, as she fell into another land.


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A man in crimson was proped up aginst the base of an oak tree. Its blare of red clashed loudly aginst the solid, steady brown of the oak. A women, with hair as black as the ravens eye, leaned aginst the crimson man in a tender, endearing moment, resting in the comfort of sleep. Well, all the comfort that one can get from such a state. Kagome had no idea who or what she was. The only peices to the puzzle were the small look at things she could only imagine to be memorys. Why was it that just these particular moments shinned through? They seemed so unimportant and insignificant. But then agian, who is to say what matters in ones life? No one can be the judge of that, whom walks this Earth at least.

The man was unable to sleep. Too many things kept tugging at his brain. He was restless, in more ways than one. Was it possible to fall in love a second time? Is love not some thing that was ment for two people alone? How could that be, if he felt he was falling once more. Falling- it sounded so drastic, as if it were an accident. Love is not an accident. It is a glorious event, one that your soul longs and searches for. Some times, it wants it so much that it.... it would lie. Blind love is only blind becuase your heart is unwanting to see, to see that you had not found love. Is that what he had been? Blinded?


All of the times that people had warned him... She was a miko. A purity, or so it is said to be. Thats what makes a miko, correct? Purity? Thinking back, was Kikyo pure? Prehaps she was, at first. She was kind, and senseitive, but also very sad. People who knew her well enough took pity on her. He knew her well enough to want and stop that pity. The one thing hurting that beautiful creature. It seemed so unright, like she was an immortal. In the end she became one, but that was besides the point. She was so untouchable, yet he reached for her with out knowing, and was some how able to grab hold. He had the unhave able. That in its self should make him proud... make him happy. Thats she had chosen him above any one else. And why? Because he understood. No, he had no idea to that of a miko, of that of a person who was wanted, longed for. No, he knew what it was like to be alone. They had taken refuge in each other. Knowing that they were not alone was just as good as feeling it. Yes, as he remembered, Kikyo had never stopped being sad. No she was always so. She was hurt, and angry. Hurt that the world would do what ever it had done to her, and angry that it had to happen. So much was wrong in this one persons life... but did that give her the right to go around trying to control and stop others? What had changed in Kikyo? Or more to the point, had anything ever changed at all?


He knew that he had changed. Never before would he spare a human who deserved death or worse. He was never one to pass up the opportunity to sharpen his claws, or flex his knuckles. But he did now. The thought of killing them... the humans, the very same thing that hurt him, made him suffer, he hated the idea that he was to hurt them. Was... Was it because he was hurting his own kind? No, becuase then he would feel regret about killing demons. And by far, he had none. Unless the case was very rare. Was it... Was it because he would be killing her kind? Killing off a human... would be like killing off Kagome.


NO! He would never do that. He could never do that. If some how, he had hurt the miko... he would kill himself. With out a second thought. Now that he thought about it... was that healthy? To want to die if she was to be gone, espically by his own hands? She was his best friend, but not his lover. Nor his bitch. So why should he feel that the world would end if she were to leave? Because, to him, it would. Was he keeping Kagome alive by protecting her from the demons and the monsters that invade her dreams at night? Or was it the other way around? Was she protecting him from them, by protecting his heart?


She, protect his heart? Could she? Was she? Was Kagome the one keeping guard to his fragile emotions? In a sense, his heart was split into two: His demon side, and his human. Where the two mixed in the center was what made him hanyou.


His demon side was clear. His demon side wanted what was simple. No nonsense. Thats what made Sesshomaru so cold and unfeeling. So spiteful for every thing around him, and so disgusted by human emotions that take time, and take lives. Demons had no patince what so ever, and thus were very on edge. But now, as he sat holding the ebony girl in his arms, listening to the rise and fall of her gental breath aginst his... even his demon side began to wonder. Was what he and Kikyo had love? And if not, was all these new emotions he felt for Kagome love? Real love?


His demon side hated being confused. It was not something to enjoy. But he was feeling it. What was that? Was it feeling so, because he was unsure of what Kagome felt? The one thing that was known how ever, was that it wanted Kagome. It wanted her now. She should be his, would be his. This part of his heart never wanted Kikyo, nor did it ever trust her. What had she used upon him? Guilt. And guilt was not love, nor could it ever be a foundation for one. Another thing that it kept repeating was how it was never wrong.


Demons have an instinct. They know who is to be their mate. Who is to be the one they are to mark, to claim. It pounded aginst him over and over agian- Kagome, Kagome, Kagome. Each time he fought with her, it beckonded him to do some thing. To make him hers before she walked away all together. But above all, it beckonded him to be possessive. Prehaps, this was the root of his jealousy.


It was his human side how ever, that viewed differently. The human soul needs wooing, and Kikyo did that. He still had this peice of him that was thankful for that. A heart never forgets its firsts. Its first tears, its first crush, its first heart break. Kikyo was in so many ways, a first for him. A first guilt, a first lie, a first... a first mistake? Was that what they were? A mistake?


Looking back, did he regret the things he felt? He felt like some one had cared. That was enough at the time. But now... Now he had more. And he found that what more ment, was actually asking very little. What Kikyo had done for him, was be a friend, she gave her said her fears to him, and no one else. Kagome... she accepted him. She gave everything that she had, that she owned, for him. She would give him the world if she could. But she already had. She had given him, her heart.


Would he accept it? Would he be able to accept the simple gifts that Kagome could give him? It had never stopped him from doing so before. Why should now be any different?


'Because, it is different. Nothing is the same any more.'


If he accepted what ever Kagome was offering, that would mean he would be accepting her feelings in return. He could not avoid it any longer. And truthfully, he did not want to. He was afriad to admit that he loved Kagome. He did not like her. For he liked Kikyo. He did not love her as he loved a mother, nor like he loved any object that he could name or find. No he loved Kagome in her own way that could only be called just that. The way he loved Kagome. InuYasha loved her as... A mate.


No. He was not scared any longer to admit that he loved Kagome... Inwardly at least. He was scared to tell it to her. Because... What if she did not feel the same, or as strongly. Prehaps... Prehaps she did. Little things could have told him so, but it was a leap he was just not ready to take. And all of a sudden, he hurt. His heart throbbed loudly in his chest as he realized why.


'I... I love Kagome. I am not scared, and wont denie it any more. I do. But.... But... Does she love me?'


He had never felt this before. It was a prolonged pain that just wouldnt stop. Nor would it ever until she gave those feelings back to him. How could it be? For the first time, Kagome was causeing him pain. But he had to smile. It was a good pain. He realized it. He admitted it. He wanted it, and needed it like the air.


What he feared most, was the reason he was unable to move on. He was afriad of rejection. Kikyo was a safety zone. He was had a net under neath him if he was to fall when it came to her. It was already declared that she wanted him, and made her feelings more than obvious. So she was a sure thing. Where as Kagome would be a gamble. But now, he was able to step away, and fly. He was ready to take a chance. He was betting his heart on Kagome.


And the girl was totally unaware of the things that a certian hanyou of her affections had just come to terms with. She was, infact, unaware of anything, as the colors of crimson and white swirled together, becomming hazey images. Although the picture was unclear, she was able to make out silver hair. She was able to match the name to the face.


"Inu... Yasha..." She called iut in her sleep. It was not a cry, nor a whine. Almost like stateing a simple fact. it came out rather breathless, and faded toward the end. Was... Was she dreaming? Of him?


He shot amber eyes down to her. How was it possible that she wished to be near him? One so pure, aginst one so obviously not. But that... that never mattered to Kagome. she was never one to care about what people thought when it came to him. She had her views upon him, and they would not be changed. Espically because he used his demon claws to defend her. Or his human emotions to worry and be upset. Or his hanyou heart to be confused. But he wasnt any more. It was all crystal clear to him now. Never would she have to worry about his hanyou sides feelings.


She was every thing that he ever wanted, wasnt she. Brave, yet still needing him to save her. She needed a super hero. She needed him to be the hero in this fairy tale. She needed him. Not for the jewel like Kikyo did. No, did she even him? How many times had she claimed to not need his aid? Was it because she was too proud to admit that she needs his help? Or was it that she really did not need it? But... But she did need him! She was weak. No more than clay and bones. Yes, clay and bones lines with hatered for him, for Naraku. For the jewel. But also, she still had her miko powers. She was a powerful person. She always was. But why... why did her powers fail her when he came around? Not just him in general, or his being there. No, he had been around before, but... but her powers remained in tact. So what was it that made them weaken? Why and how was it his falut.


It seemed as if everything was aginst him. The fates must really like him, for they seem to twist at him very often. Kikyo- his Kikyo, they were never truely in love. they were friends. What they had was a friendship. He never begged time at night to stop when she lied beside him. Not that she ever had done so. He never cried at her loss. Only stood frozen to the spot. What was it? Was what he and Kagome had love? As fa as he was concerned, these new feeling that she aroused, yes. This was love. But he knew it could get so much better. What could possibly make this unexplainable feeling better? Kagome returning it.


He shifted his thoughts from the past to the present. Thats where they would stay. Thats the way it should be. He had nothing all his life. No parents, no friends. Nothing. But then, Kikyo came. She was something. She was real. And she was interested. But now... Now he had Kagome. He knew that it sounded like he was chooseing because he had an option. No, he never felt the thing Kagome inspired with Kikyo. He couldnt name them either. But in s several ways, he did not want to. These things, these emotions, he wanted to keep them stored up, hidden from the world. Not because he was embarrsed. But because in many ways, he was like a child. This was something new, and he did not want to share. And by all means, he had no intention of shareing Kagome. He had never been one to give up easily.


She shifted in his arms. The flow of her jet hair tickled his fore arms. She was so lost in this world. Not one thing made sense to her. The only thing that made her feel right, was being with him. And in so many ways, he felt that too. It would... it would just be better if she could remember. He dared for a quick second, to move an inch closer to her. Her body was warm from his own body heat. She looked like an angel. Her hair shimmed aginst the moon light, her clear complexion soft to the touch. She made goddess looked flawed. Prehaps thats why they would allow such a horrible thing happen to someone who deserved it in the least. Maybe it was him. He was just destained to hurt those he cared for.


The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Kagome. In so many ways, she was his everything. His air that he breathed. His day and night. The very sun that lit
his day, and the depressing rain that stopped them dead in their tracks. She was his happiness, his anger, his heart ache, and heart throbb. She had chains made of thorns wrapped tightly around his heart, but they did not cut. Nor did they sting. They were there to remind him that he was owned, and he wanted that. He welcomed the idea that he belonged to somebody. Even if they didnt know it just yet.


He would just have to wait to find out if she felt the same. She had things stopping her from remembering, but its all slowly comming back. She remembered Miroku, and Shippo. As well as Sango and Kirara. But why is it that only certian things she can remember of him. Were they important to her? The real her? It seemed to hurt her to remember, like she was forceing them out, and they were not ready to leave their hideing spot.

What caused you to forget Kagome? What made it so that you are unsure of your own feelings?

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Crimson. Her whole world was crimson. She could hear a childs voice mixed in with one of a mans. Its tone was in one of play on the childs part, and one of irritation on the adult. He seemed irked, and angry. The child was batheing in this.

A small blare of chestnut orange came into sight. Yes, she was certian. That was Shippo. He was a mere child, yet so smart, and witty. He cared for her like a child would for a mother. She saw him as her own......... As her own? No... how could she feel that way about him.

He barely speaks! The voice said, comming through her thoughts.

No... no. He was once happy and...

A flash of purple came. The monk... Miroku....

He was prehaps... easy. But he was a true friend.

How would you know such a thing? He never behaved badly before you. It asked, nervousness apperent in its voice.

But... But thats not true! I know Miroku likes all women. But he cares for...

Cares for who? The familar voice said.

For... For Sango. He cares more strongly for Sango!

Do you claim to know the monks feelings? You have known him for such a short time.

No! I have known Miroku for years. And he does, he just...

She thrust her hand up to her head. It swelled with pain. Memories of the years came flooding back of her time with an orphaned child. The blurr of chest nut became at first, still frames, as if photos. Then, like a flip book, they all peiced together. And slowly, the sound came. She had a memory. She remembered! Shippo!

Memorys flashed of his smiles. Visions of his laughter came. Kagome gave off a weak, sad smile. Her eyes were brimmed with hot tears. They shinned with an strange, yet content. She closed her eyes over the liquid as it separated, and dripped down her face. she let them fall, and she opened her eyes, inhailing life and the world deeply.


She closed them agian, veiwing what she had remembered. She heard voices.


"She Kagome? Arnt my drawings good?" He asked, flashing up the colored pictures.


"Uhhh... Shippo, you didnt show these to anyone else, did you?"


A man. Another man. It sparked jealously in the crimson one. Who was he?


"In..."


She tried.


"In..."


But she failed. It all failed.


Who are you calling for? The voice said. Panic riseing deeply in its tone. It was so familar... so... known to her. Who was it, or more so to the point... What was it?


"I am calling Inu..." She breathed out....


"INUYASHA! I am calling InuYasha! He will save me! He has to! He promised to protect me!"


No! How could that possibly be for you? It was promised to some one else.


"Yes. But he promised it to me too."


Thats not true. He was lying to you.


"No! He wasnt! He would never let anything hurt me!"


And what makes you uphold such importance in his life?


"He.... He cares about me....."


You must truely be blind. Only a fool would believe such actions .


"No! I am not a fool!"


Then why would he say such a thing? Why would he say he would protect you? Make makes you think he cares?


"Because he means it!"


She fell backwards. As if hitting her hard on the head, it came back. Everything came back.