InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Unexpected Feelings ❯ Confusing Feelings ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: If I had owned this God-send anime then Sesshomaru would have had the sense to go and get his damn arm back!! Who on this planet is content with just one arm?

“ ” someone's talking

` ' someone's thinking

 

VeggieNaku: ok I decided to re-write this story after reading so many other fan fictions that had so much detail and personal thought. I haven't yet finished this story, but I felt that it should be given another shot at life. Most likely I will get the urge to re-post this story again in another 6 months… probably not… who knows

 

 

Confusing Feelings (1)

Going out of her mind with frustration, Kagome tried one more time and one more position, to fall into unconsciousness. Unfortunately for her, the oblivion she sought for was as elusive to her as the remaining shikon shards.

 

Biting down a scream that threatened to explode from her soul, Kagome jerked her body into an upright position.

 

`No matter what I try to do!!'

 

Deciding it would do better to walk off her extra energy, the young priestess searched in the darkness for the key that would lead to the salvation of her sanity, the zipper.

 

`I think a nice brisk walk to the… ugh… well and back should do the trick!'

 

A series of low grunts and curses could be heard as Kagome found herself in an all out wrestling match against the stubborn zipper. Somehow, and with minimal sound, Kagome extracted herself from her sleeping bag.

 

`Thought I was gonna be swallowed up by that damn contraption!'

 

Giving one last sly glance toward the direction of her companions, the young woman let her feet decide in what direction her body would follow: the west.

 

Taking off towards the direction were the sun had set, Kagome allowed her mind to wonder.

 

`Hmmm I wonder which way the god-tree is?' Offhandedly she noted a similar looking tree. `Am I even close to it I wonder?'

 

Walking over to the old tree, Kagome rested her hand on the bark. The wood was cool beneath her fingers as she traced the line, if it had been the real God-tree, of Inuyasha's seal.

 

As her fingers brushed across the surface her mind regressed back to why she was even here in this part of the woods in the first place.

`I'm here as a result of our constant quest to find Naraku. If it was up to them, the group would travel as far as they could just to track him down. If it wasn't for myself needing to go back to my era, I doubt Inuyasha and the others would ever return to Kaede's village unless it was necessary.'

 

A slight stab of guilt stabbed Kagome at the thought of her friends. `Sango's little brother was killed by Naraku in his quest for another shard of the jewel that I shattered.'

 

Deciding she didn't like the way her thought s were headed, Kagome instead focused on her surroundings. Now normally, Kagome rarely wondered from the group at night unless she knew exactly were her bearings were. Tonight, though was an exception. If Kagome had been in that damn sleeping bag another minuet…!

 

As the young woman lazily glanced around the forest, she noted how the cloak of night gave a much sinister appearance to the normally peaceful forest.

 

`How beautiful'

 

Kagome signed as she found herself starring up into the night sky.

 

“You never see how brilliant the stars appear at night no matter how far away you get from the city. A frown appeared on the young miko's features as she contemplated her era's lack of humanity over advancement. Brushing away such a strange thought, Kagome noted that there seemed to be an even brighter cluster of stars further up in the distance.

 

`Wait those aren't stars… those are… soul collectors?”

 

“… Kikyo?' As if at the mere mention of the woman's name, a dark feeling seemed to plant itself further around Kagome's soul.

 

“Better go check that out, those look like Kikyo's soul catchers.”

 

Quickening her pace, Kagome didn't dare search for the true reasons behind her curiosity. Nor did she care to know why her heart rate as well as her pace seemed to hasten at the thought of Kikyo.

 

Yes, deep down Kagome knew that her reasons for wanting to see Kikyo this instant were not completely unselfish. She wasn't afraid for her safety or anything of that nature. No, right now she was desperate to know if Kikyo was with Him.

 

Inuyasha and Kikyo. What a topic of conversation.

 

Deep down, well as far down as Kagome could push them, were the unwanted emotions of hate, jealously, and yes, even envy. They festered and rotted away in the recess of her mind and soul, sometimes scratching at the surface to come out. But like always, Kagome chose to ignore those troublesome emotions in favor of more productive, cheerful thoughts.

 

Unconsciously, Kagome began to quicken her pace towards the shimmering souls. A stray rock her or there, some patches of underbrush, even a snake disturbed from its hiding place, everything seemed to be against her pursuit of those lights. It was as if they were warning her not to see what lay beyond their depths.

 

No matter…nothing would deter Kagome in her quest.

 

While tripping over one such bush, Kagome offhandedly remembered that she didn't recall see Inuyasha sleeping around the campfire, or in any of the nearby trees for that matter.

 

`Huh, must've caught the scent of a demon close by.' Absently Kagome brushed off some burs that were clinging to the ends of her pajama shorts.

 

`Oh brother, give me a break.' There it was again, that little, irritating voice that always seemed to pop into her mind when the subject of Inuyasha and Kikyo was brought up. It was a little, self doubting voice inside Kagome's head that always threatened to bring into bouts of depression.

 

`You know Inuyasha is, at this very moment, with Kikyo.'

 

Treading faster now through the bushy grass and shrubs, Kagome accidentally sliced her leg on a thorny bush.

 

“Ow!” hissed the young woman as she bent over to inspect how badly the scrape was. Blood was steadily pouring out of a deep gash right below her knee. `Oh great, now I'm probably going to get some type of infection because of this damn forest.'

 

`And for what?' Stated the tiny voice that now seemed to be gaining volume, `You know exactly what awaits you at the base of those lights.'

 

Slightly limping her way closer, Kagome gave her eyes a second to adjust to the new lighting.

 

*hiss*

 

A sharp intake of breath was heard, only, was lost on the two lovers as they gazed at one another with lust filled eyes.

 

Kagome noted that it was because of Inuyasha's present condition that she was allowed to have ventured so close into enemy territory unnoticed.

 

The tiny voice scoffed at how ridiculous the couple looked; practically sucking off the others face.

 

`I'm hungry.' whispered the tiny voice, the scene before them resembling the process of eating.

 

Ducking behind a fallen tree that lay a few feet away, Kagome silenced her voice with a mental slap to the face.

 

The awestruck woman looked on with utter fascination, as a bubbly form of what would be considered a laugh tried to escape through her lips. `Who would have thought that my subconscious would have a sense of humor at a time like this?'

 

Indeed, Kagome noted, it did look like Inuyasha was a hungry man, the sounds of their activities fluttering on the light breeze to land unpleasantly on the eavesdropper.

 

Inuyasha was a starving man and Kikyo was his big fat…ramen noodle.

 

The scene before her brought a strange image of Naraku and his demonic absorbing powers.

 

Smothering the look of disgust that was trying to break through, Kagome immediately sobered as the feather like voice of her subconscious gnawed its way to her conscious mind.

 

`What's wrong with this picture?'

 

And that's when it hit her…

 

Kagome felt nothing…well besides disgust, Kikyo was, after all, dirt and bones…

 

Silently dropping to her knees behind the tree, Kagome felt as if someone had punched her in the gut. `You think you would feel something over this?'

 

“Shut up!” hissed the young woman, violently grabbing her face in her hands.

 

The world was spinning and the surrounding air seemed to be getting thicker as her lungs labored to pull in the much needed oxygen. Kagome tried and failed to bring up the expected emotions of sorrow and betrayal but came up with only emptiness.

 

Absently examining the grass and dirt beneath her knees as she desperately tried to understand her wayward emotions, the dark feelings towards Kikyo began to take shape in Kagome's mind. The jagged spikes of jealously and hatred towards Kikyo, what was the cause of them? Had she simply misunderstood her emotions? No, she had, at one time, wanted Inuyasha to be hers and only hers.

 

`Apparently not anymore.' Chastised the woman, mocking her fickle emotions.

 

“No..no! That's not true!” It was all she could do not to scream aloud her frustration.

 

It was as if the blanket that had been confining all of her emotions had been violently thrown off.

 

Somehow and by someway Kagome's feelings toward Inuyasha had grown and changed into feelings of deep friendship. When, she couldn't be sure. How could she have not realized this?

 

It would seem that the emotions of jealousy and concern ran across a very thin line in Kagome's mind and that somehow, she had mistaken her feelings.

 

The hatred towards the dead miko first took root in Kagome's pure heart, tainting it, during the incident where Inuyasha was being dragged into hell. From then on it had only grown as she quietly observed Kikyo throw Inuyasha's emotions back into his face. There was no hatred that stemmed from Kikyo and Inuyasha's past love for each other, no never there, she always understood and accepted their past. No the only emotion she felt when thinking of their doomed relationship was a deep sadness. Sadness for what could have been but was not allowed. Her feelings of jealously towards the dead miko stemmed from the need in her own heart to be loved and cherished the way Kikyo was, is.

 

`You've always wanted that type of devotion in a relationship.' Said the tiny voice.

 

“I feel nothing... only emptiness...” There was a heart wrenching sadness laced in her voice.

 

With a semi new found awareness of her fragile emotions in view, an overwhelming feeling of loneliness crept into her. “It didn't even hit me `till now that I have nothing.” Her voice was the epitome of heartache and depression as she looked up at the night sky. Quietly picking herself off the ground, the young woman walked away.

 

~ * ~

Kagome, far too gone in her own world to notice anything around her, trudges deeper into the forest.

~ * ~

 

The strange calling of a bird brought Kagome out of her thoughts. Deciding it would do better to head back to camp; the young woman's heart thudded in her chest as she realized that her surroundings were completely foreign to her.

 

Kagome had no idea were she was.

 

Memories of a time she would rather have forgotten flashed before her tightly shut eyes as she tried to calm down her ragging heart.

 

`Calm down Kagome, this is different. You can always yell for Inuyasha if you can't find your way back.'

 

The logical side of Kagome tried to take charge while the overwhelming fear of her predicament ran wild. `No, no this is exactly like that time... only a different surrounding!'

 

Obviously, Kagome's rational side was being oppressively crushed while the fear began to consume her.

 

`Calm down Kagome!' screamed her subconscious.

 

It is doubtful Kagome even registered that thought as her mind began to retreat into the past.

 

 

~ * ~

It was a bright clear December morning as Kagome lined up with her fellow ski trainees. Kagome's parents had decided to go on a little ski trip vacation and she couldn't have been any older than 7 at the time. Just as the lesson for that day was to be concluded, a blinding cloud of white appeared out of nowhere.

 

The fog had come without warning and the children were all frightened as the thick clouds began to cover their lines of vision. The instructor, God knows what he was thinking, left the children to find their way back to the lodge. Unfortunately for Kagome, she had taken a stray path that gently sloped downhill. Unable to stop herself the frightened child could only watch on in horror as her skis carried her faster and faster into white nothingness.

 

As soon as Kagome felt the first signs of consciousness, the fog had cleared, leaving behind a circular patch of treeless snow. The tall evergreen trees loomed tall and menacing around her as strange noises seemed to radiate from all sides of the thick forest.

Kagome couldn't remember exactly how long she had been missing that fateful day. All she could remember was the feeling of complete isolation and fear. The memory of how the trees seemed to morph into ominous bushy monsters as the cloak of night settled itself upon their branches became seared into Kagome's frightened mind.

 

`Kind of how the trees look now.' stated the tiny voice.

 

*snap*

 

The frightened woman turned sharply while wild, frenzied eyes searched her surroundings for the unidentified monster.

 

`Run!' screamed the words of her subconscious.

 

Trying to turn away from the sounds of the unknown intruder, Kagome felt her whole body freeze up with fear.

 

`Calm down Kagome!'

 

The young miko knew she was letting the memories of her past cloud her judgment, but for the moment it seemed her body just would not comply with frantic requests of her mind.

 

Visions of her younger self cowering in the center of the treeless circle as the sounds of snapping twigs and strange animal sounds drifted through the darkened forest.

Kagome seemingly stood there starring at the ground. Her legs felt like hard rocks of granite as she tried to force the offending appendages to move.

 

By now the forest around the frightened woman had become completely quiet. As always, the forest seems to freeze in time when it senses something dangerous coming.

 

`Oh God, the noise is coming closer! Run damn you!!'

 

Sure enough the cause off the noise was following her as she finally managed to get her feet moving.

 

“I hope Inuyasha will be happy when he finds out that I was slaughtered by a demon while he was off with Kikyo!”

 

Looking behind her as her feet seemed to fly, Kagome didn't see any one or, anything for that matter, following her. `Well that's good, maybe there really was nothing….”

 

“Oomph” yelped Kagome as she ran into what appeared to be a wall of air.

 

Falling back, Kagome realized it wasn't air but energy. `Oh no that means it must be a really powerful demon… oh no I don't even have an arrow with me to protect myself!'

 

Taking deep cleansing breaths, Kagome was far too afraid to look up at the obstacle that blocked her path, too afraid to see one of her childhood monster come to life.

 

After a couple of seconds and no carnage, Kagome chanced a look up, almost sagging in relief at what greeted her eyes.

 

“Its you…”

 

 

 

VeggieNaku: that whole, lost in the mountains thing was a more exaggerated form of a similar experience I had while vacationing in Colorado… was it Colorado.. I can't remember I was like 7. Anyway my cousin and I were in a ski training lesson when all of a sudden a huge blinding white fog swept in without warning. The instructor was just like, `see ya later' If I hadn't of asked the instructor to hold on and help me find my way back to the lodge he would have just left us there! Can you belive it? A bunch of 7 year olds… or however old my fellow companions were. You couldn't see an inch in front of your face! I was so terrified when I couldn't see anything…whoa I was beginning to ramble. Sorry it was scary for me.